People of Earth, Unexplained; Season 1 Episode 5; ALT Title: I.T. Phone Home

Posted on November 27, 2016 by casewright

people-of-earth

This episode is all about do it yourself IT. For MAC readers, IT means information technology and there are people who are highly paid to resolve problems with Windows because it sucks. Now, Windows charges you a subscription fee!!!! Fuckers!

LOTR-Guy is cataloging his experiences meeting with humans. Humans, being solipsistic pieces of shit, only want to have him participate in things that they like. However, one human was different: Kelly! She wanted to know what LOTR-Guy was into and this reminiscence causes LOTR-Guy to get all moony over her.

We learn that Ozzie has a chip implant, which if properly rebooted will wipe his pesky flashbacks. Scroty takes it upon himself to fix the chip and wipe Ozzie’s memory, but this being People of Earth, he’s aggressively incompetent. Scroty is short with LOTR-Guy saying that he should look for Kurt’s killer and so LOTR-Guy goes to earth. Meanwhile, Scroty continues to blunder through the computer that’s linked to Ozzie’s brain, causing terrible hallucinations for Ozzie.

At the church, Chelsea builds a deeper relationship with Father Doug. He suggests that she goes to a bible study class and she declares it a date. The bible study is for children and it’s an awesome disaster!

LOTR-Guy is walking around town and sees Kelly hanging in a coffee shop. He thinks, Kelly likes coffee, I like Kelly, I will work at that coffee shop, and I will be around Kelly. You just gotta love these dopey aliens.

At Starcrossed, Kelly laments that her boyfriend says – Oregon like OR A GONE. This is a real dealbreaker for Pacific Northwesterners. It’s Or uh gun. The other big NO NO for PNWs is to bitch about the rain. Rain is our jam! In fact, it’s the first thing you think of when you think of the PNW. Richard hilariously says, We don’t say – A LAB BUH MA. Ozzie’s hallucinations and brain functions worsen and he sees all of the group is dressed like him complete with beards!

Ozzie goes to the hospital and they xray his head and see a metal disc and they seek to remove it. All the while, Scroty is coming closer to wiping Ozzie’s memory. Just as he’s about to finish wiping, they remove the disc.

LOTR-Guy is spying on Kelly and she breaks up with Mr. OR A GONE. LOTR-GUY brings Kelly a sympathy coffee and she gives him the finger for eavesdropping and he innocently gives it back to her.

Father Doug patches things up with Chelsea, describing Mary as being brave and woman of faith for holding to her beliefs even though people were incredulous that she was a virgin mother.

Scroty turns to Jon because the chip is in human hands and it’s hilarious! Jon sends Reptile-Lady to retrieve the chip. A child ends up taking the chip and gets away.

Starcrossed- Ozzie is not entirely convinced that it was aliens who put a chip in his head, but oh well.

We see the child playing with the chip and he shines a light through it and we see a deer head!

This was another great episode. The only critique is that the closing song was just not great or even good.

poelotr

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #14: Maggie’s Passage (dir by Mike Norris)

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Lisa recently discovered that she only has about 8 hours of space left on her DVR! It turns out that she’s been recording movies from July and she just hasn’t gotten around to watching and reviewing them yet. So, once again, Lisa is cleaning out her DVR! She is going to try to watch and review 52 movies by Wednesday, November 30th! Will she make it? Keep checking the site to find out!)

Maggie’s Passage is a film that I recorded off of Channel 58 on November 13th. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, Channel 58 specializes in showing faith-based programming. (Channel 58 previously aired both Island of Grace and The Encounter. Right now, they appear to be in the middle of doing a Left Behind marathon. If you’re reading this, Kirk Cameron, the check is presumably in the mail.)

The main reason that I recorded Maggie’s Passage is because it was filmed down here in Dallas. As opposed to my friends who live in New York, Los Angeles, and Toronto, it’s rare that I actually get to see my hometown onscreen. I mean, sure, countless episodes of Cheaters have been filmed in Dallas but, for the most part, most movies about Dallas are actually filmed in Louisiana. Even Dallas Buyers Club was actually shot in New Orleans!

(Incidentally, New Orleans looks nothing like Dallas.)

Originally released in 2009, Maggie’s Passage was directed by Mike Norris. Mike is the son of Chuck Norris. This led me to suspect that Chuck would make a cameo appearance at some point, perhaps standing outside of Club Dada or taking a selfie in front of the Big Red Courthouse. But no, Chuck never shows up. Instead, Maggie’s Passage is about a teenage girl named Maggie (Ali Faulkner). When she was little, Maggie was adopted by Jenny (Janine Turner) and her husband. After her stepfather dies, Maggie runs away from home and tracks down her birth mother. After discovering that her birth mother wants nothing to do with her, Maggie ends up working on Harry Hines Blvd. for an abusive pimp. When she finally escapes, Maggie is taken in by Grace (Sheran Goodspeed Keyton) and a group of extremely religious homeless people. In almost any other film (like in Split Image, which was also filmed in Dallas), this would lead to Maggie becoming a part of a cult but, since this film was airing on Channel 58, it instead leads to a lot of talk about lost faith, redemption, and prayer.

I had mixed feelings about Maggie’s Passage. There were certain scenes, especially at the start of the film, that brought back some definite memories of being a rebellious, scared, and out-of-control 16 year-old. When Maggie was wandering down the street with the Dallas skyline behind her, I definitely cringed a little because I not only knew the location but I knew the feeling as well. In those early scenes, I sat there and I thought about how, if not for a few strokes of luck, I could have easily been Maggie. Ali Faulkner is definitely a better actress than you typically expect to find in a low-budget faith-based film and Mike Norris knows how to tell a story cinematically. Even though I knew it was a religious film, the first half of Maggie’s Passage never felt preachy…

Add to that, there was a scene where Maggie was walking along this bridge! This photo, by the way, was taken by our own Dazzling Erin Nicole!

But then Maggie met those homeless people and the whole movie went downhill. Movies always tend to idealize the homeless and their living conditions (which, incidentally, does a great disservice to those who actually are homeless and who are too busy trying not to die to spend all of their time sharing their faith-based wisdom with every runaway white teenager who they happen to come across) and Maggie’s Passage took this tendency to the extreme. Whenever I saw those good-hearted, enlightened, cheerful, and rather clean-cut homeless people talking to Maggie about what St. Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans, I found myself thinking about the guy who I always see defecating in front of the Frank Crowley Courthouse. Or maybe the old woman who used to always approach me at Mockingbird Station, rambling about how the Vatican put a tracking device in her forehead. Or maybe the guy who I saw camped out behind a Wal-Mart in Oak Cliff, struggling to sit up straight and surrounded by empty beer bottles. These are people who really need our help and movies that sentimentalize their existence or portray them as being magical caregivers don’t do them any good. In the end, Maggie may find God but the homeless are still living on the streets and the film doesn’t seem to see that as being a problem.

That said, I still appreciated seeing Reunion Tower on film.

Reunion Tower (picture by Erin Nicole)

Cleaning Out The DVR Yet Again #13: Honeymoon From Hell (dir by Jake Helgren)

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Now that Thanksgiving has passed and that I’m back home, it’s time for me to get back to cleaning out the DVR. As a result of my own arbitrary time limit, I have 4 days to watch and review 40 films. Will I make it!? Well, we’re about to find out.

Earlier today, I finally got around to watching Honeymoon From Hell! Honeymoon from Hell originally aired on the Lifetime Movie Network on July 16th! I can’t remember exactly why I missed it. Maybe I was watching a killer shark movie. But anyway, I just watched it and I’m glad that I did!

Honeymoon From Hell was originally entitled The Legend of Alice Flagg. Who, you might be asking, is Alice Flagg? In 1849, Alice Flagg was a young woman living in South Carolina. Alice’s wealthy family was aghast when she fell in love with a common lumberman. Alice, however, refused to end their relationship. When the lumberman gave her an engagement ring, Alice knew she couldn’t wear it on her finger so, instead, she attached it to a ribbon and wore it around her neck. After briefly trying to run away from her controlling family, Alice was taken ill and died. Her father refused to allow her to be buried with her wedding ring and, as a result, it’s said that the ghost of Alice still haunts South Carolina. She comes out at night and searches for her wedding ring.

Honeymoon From Hell opens with newlyweds Julia (Lexi Giovagnoli) and Rivers (Adam Hagenbach) listening as a tour guide tells the story of Alice Flagg. Julia immediately relates to the story. She also comes from a wealthy family and she has also upset her father by marrying someone from “outside of her class.” Rivers, on the other hand, is dismissive of the story. When the tour guide mentions that Alice’s spirit can be summoned by running in a circle around her grave, Rivers proceeds to do just that.

Bad Rivers!

However, at the moment, Rivers and Julia are more concerned with the hurricane that is projected to be heading towards South Carolina. They get a room in a bed and breakfast that’s run by a seemingly friendly but somewhat odd woman named Hazel (Catherine Hicks).

Julia, who has yet to tell Rivers that she’s pregnant, soon starts to feel that something bad is about to happen. She’s having strange dreams and, occasionally, she thinks that she sees a mysterious young woman watching her. (And yet, the woman is always gone upon a second look.) When Julia sees her husband talking to the flirtatious Janelle Gamble (Cameron Richardson), she starts to get paranoid. The nightmares get worse. And then, of course, someone tries to stuff a pillow over her face…

Meanwhile, the storm is approaching…

And Julia has lost her wedding ring…

Honeymoon From Hell was full of atmosphere and creepy melodrama. Lexi Giovagnoli and Adam Hagenbach make for a likable couple while Cameron Richardson gets all the best lines as Janelle. Catherine Hicks is wonderfully eccentric as the odd Hazel. Lifetime’s track record with the horror genre may be uneven but Honeymoon From Hell was a lot of fun.

Film Review: Dirty Grandpa (dir by Don Mazer)

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Epix is doing a free preview this weekend so, earlier tonight, I watched Robert De Niro and Zac Efron in Dirty Grandpa. You may remember Dirty Grandpa as being the film that came out in January and made a ton of movie despite the fact nobody will admit to having seen it.

Myself, I hope that the cast of Dirty Grandpa was paid in cocaine because then, at the very least, I could be assured that they had a better time making the movie than anyone else has had watching it. The plot, as it is, features De Niro as a widower who is obsessed with getting laid and Efron as his straigher-than-straight grandson who takes him down to Daytona for Spring Break. Efron is engaged to Meredith (Julianne Hough) who we’re supposed to dislike because of …. reasons, I guess. The film certainly hates her, even though all she’s trying to do is plan a nice wedding. De Niro would rather Efron get together with a boring political activist (Zooey Deutch). Meanwhile, De Niro himself is obsessed with Deutch’s friend, played by Aubrey Plaza.

Anyway, this is one of those films that’s even worse than it sounds. The pacing is so off that even the scenes that should work fall flat and visually, the film resembles a high quality YouTube video. The majority of the humor is racist, misogynistic, and homophobic (but, of course, we’re not supposed to notice because the “good” girl is vaguely defined as being a liberal political activist). Zac Efron, who is really only a credible actor when he’s playing dumb (read into that whatever you want), is miscast as someone who actually has something that’s going on in his life and Aubrey Plaza, one of the most unique comedic performers working today, is almost totally wasted. Both Zooey Deutch and Julianne Hough struggle within the confines of a script that obsessively hates women.

(By the way, would you believe that the script for this movie was included on the Black List, the annual list of the “best” unproduced scripts in Hollywood? I would. Being included on the Black List is perhaps the most overrated honor that Hollywood can provide, seeing as how most Black List films end up sucking.)

As for Robert De Niro, his performance actually isn’t that bad. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s Robert freaking De Niro playing a role that could have just as easily been performed by Johnny Knoxville in old age makeup.

Anyway, I watched Dirty Grandpa because I wanted to see if it was as bad as everyone said it was and it was.

Go to Hell, Dirty Grandpa.

Jack Kirby’s Last Big Dream : “Silver Star” #1

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Ryan C. (fourcolorapocalypse)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARLEIGH!

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is a very special day here at the Shattered Lens!

Yes, it is the final Sunday in November and I’m sure that has some sort of pagan importance that I don’t know about but, even beyond that, it’s NOVEMBER 27th!

IT’S ARLEIGH’S BIRTHDAY!

Next month, it will have been seven years since Arleigh decided to create a site that would be devoted to all things entertainment. At the time, the site was called Unobtainium13 and Arleigh got things started with his review of Avatar!

Shortly after he published that review, Arleigh asked me if I would like to collaborate with him on the site. I always pretend like I had to think about it. I always say that I accepted after “careful consideration.” The truth of the matter is that I accepted as soon as Arleigh asked and I’ve never regretted it once. My work here at the Shattered Lens has helped me to grow as both a writer and a person. Not only has it given me the chance to watch a lot of really good (and occasionally really bad) films but it’s also helped me to find my voice as a reviewer. My work here has helped me through the hard times and has made the good times even better.

Over the years, this site has grown and gone through many changes but one thing has never changed. Arleigh has always been there for me and he has always remained committed to making this the best site that it could possibly be.

Thank you, Arleigh!

Now, let’s watch some anime. Let’s listen to some Sinatra. Let’s grab a glass of our favorite adult beverage. And let us all say to Arleigh —

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Artwork of the Day: Marilyn Monroe

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tomorrow, Erin will be back and running this feature so I’m going to share one final image.

I’m not sure who took the picture above. A lot of sites incorrectly credit Otto Bettmann. I nearly made the mistake of crediting old Otto myself. However, Otto was not a photographer. Otto was an archivist and the picture above was a part of his collection. But regardless of who took the picture, it’s an iconic image.

Two more things to say:

First off, I have to say thank you to Erin for trusting me with Artwork of the Day. When I first told her that I’d be willing to fill in for her while she spent this week cataloging our mom’s doll collection, I’m sure that there was a part of her that worried I’d use it as an excuse to spend the whole week posting Degrassi screenshots. I’ve seen firsthand the amount of time and thought that Erin puts into finding and selecting each day’s image. But she took a chance on me and I had a lot of fun doing it!

Secondly, from me and everyone else here at the Shattered Lens: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARLEIGH!

Music Video of the Day: Don’t Give Up by Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush (1986, dir. Godley & Creme)

Posted on November 27, 2016 by Valerie Troutman

I don’t care that the YouTube video says “ft. Kate Bush”. It’s a duet–plain and simple.

Peter Gabriel sings the depressing parts and Kate Bush sings the uplifting parts. The music video reflects that beautifully. When it’s his turn, then they spin to reveal Gabriel. When it’s her turn, then they spin to reveal Bush. This goes on while the moon crosses the sun to reach eclipse at the mid-point of the song. It was done in a single take. Nice and simple for what is a no-frills song.

That’s it! I am not sure why they felt the need to film another music video for this song, but they did. Maybe they felt people wouldn’t listen to the lyrics and just focus on Gabriel and Bush in a six-and-a-half minute embrace.

Enjoy!