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Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.11 “Supercycle”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

A daredevil motorcyclist known as the Phantom is making the street dangerous in Los Angeles!  Can Ponch and Baker catch him before it’s too late?

Episode 2.11 “Supercycle”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on December 2nd, 1978)

From what I’ve read, Larry Wilcox was apparently often unhappy on the set of CHiPs and, watching this week’s episode, I can see why.

This week’s episode follows only one storyline.  A motorcycle-riding daredevil known as the Phantom (George O’Hanlon, Jr.) is driving around Los Angeles and doing stunts.  It’s all a part of a promotion that’s being run by the unscrupulous Fred Gesslin (Jason Evers).  When Ponch and Baker chase the Phantom and end up losing him, footage ends up on the news and totally humiliates the Highway Patrol.  Getraer is even less amused than usual.

Luckily, Harlan has a supercycle in the garage.  Ponch and Baker decide to take the Supercycle out so that they can use it to capture the Phantom.  Ponch and Baker both get a chance to test the Supercycle on the test track.  Ponch is a natural.  Baker crashes.  So, of course, Ponch is the one who gets to ride the Supercycle….

AND THAT’S THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS ON THIS SHOW!

Seriously, if there’s anything cool to do, Ponch is going to be the one to do it.  If there’s an exciting story, it’s going to center around Ponch.  Despite the fact that Larry Wilcox looks a hundred times more comfortable on a motorcycle than Erik Estrada, Baker is always going to take a back seat to Ponch.  Seriously, that would bother anyone!  In this case, it means that Ponch is the one who gets to use the Supercycle.  Baker can just stand in the background and force himself to smile.  Poor Baker!

Now, Baker does get a small measure of revenge.  He’s the one who gets a date with Sheila Martin (Karen Carlson).  Sheila owns the advertising company that Fred is working with to promote the Phantom.  Since Sheila knew about the Phantom and didn’t immediately share that information with Ponch and Baker, it really seems like she should have gotten in as much trouble as Fred.  But Baker needs a date so Sheila’s off the hook.  Oddly enough, the Phantom is let off the hook too.  It turns out that he’s just an innocent guy from the country who was led astray by Fred.  Never mind the Phantom could have killed multiple people with his reckless driving.

No matter, though!  The stunts are spectacular in this episode and who doesn’t like the idea of owning a supercycle?  That’s really the only thing that matters as far as this episode is concerned.  Ponch may have gotten to ride it but, ultimately, the Supercycle has a place in everyone’s heart.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.21 “Free Verse”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the Vice Squad gets a big assignment.

Episode 2.21 “Free Verse”

(Dir by John Nicollela, originally aired on April 4th, 1986)

The wheelchair-bound poet, Hector Sandoval (played by Byrne Piven), is coming to Miami so that he can testify before a Congressional committee about the human rights abuses that are occurring in his home country, abuses that Hector claims have been partially funded by American interests.  Hector is a world-famous poet but his history as an outspoken political dissident has made him politically important as well.  He’s been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.  Meanwhile, the right-wing death squads from his own country want him dead.  Because Sandoval is equally critical of his country’s rebels, the left wants him dead as well.  They feel he has more value as a martyr than as a living dissident.

With so many people trying to kill this important, world-famous person, his safety in America is the government’s top-most concern.  So, naturally, the task of protecting Sandoval is assigned not to the FBI, the CIA, or the Secret Service.  Instead, it’s given to the Miami Vice Squad.  You read that correctly.  A bunch of undercover cops are assigned to protect one of the most important men in the world.  They meet him when he lands in the airport and their pictures are immediately taken by the horde of reporters waiting for Sandoval’s arrival.  I guess everyone’s cover is blown now.

This is not a particularly interesting episode.  Obviously, the show was looking to make a point about not only the political situation in Central America but also the role of the U.S. government in propping up various dictators and turning a blind eye to human rights abuses.  That’s fine.  Indeed, watching an episode like this today serves as a good reminder that Chavez and Maduro were hardly the first dictators to take power in South and Central America.  But this episode gets so caught up in making its political points that it forgets to be interesting.

A huge part of the problem is that the members of the Vice Squad spend a lot of this episode in the background.  The emphasis is on Hector Sandoval and his daughter, Bianca (Yamil Borges).  Unfortunately, Byrne Piven goes so over-the-top as Sandoval that it’s impossible to take the character seriously.  It’s a genuinely bad performance and it makes the episode a bit of a chore to sit through.  (Admittedly, it is entertaining watching Edward James Olmos refuse to show a hint of emotion while Sandoval devours all of the scenery in their scenes together.)

For celebrity watchers, Bianca Jagger shows up as an assassin but she doesn’t really get to do much.  Luis Guzman and future director Michael Bay play the imaginatively named “Goon #1” and “Goon #3.”  Otherwise — and especially when compared to the episodes that came before it — this is a surprisingly forgettable episode of Miami Vice.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.7 “The Whole Truth”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Finally, it’s time to wake up in the morning and return to Degrassi….

Episode 3.7 “The Whole Truth”

(Dir by Eleanore Lindo, originally aired on January 16th, 1989)

Caitlin is super-excited!  She is the editor of the Degrassi Digest and she is convinced that the upcoming edition will be the best ever.  The only problem is that Kathleen has written an editorial in favor a school dress code.  Caitlin doesn’t want to publish Kathleen’s article but what could she replace it with?

When Caitlin sees that Liz and Spike are putting up posters featuring a monkey being tortured, she asks them what’s going on.  Liz explains that there’s a big animal rights protest march coming up.  Caitlin asks Liz to write an article about it but Liz says she doesn’t like to write.  Instead, she invites Caitlin over to her house and shows Caitlin several grotesque videos of different animals being experiment edupon.  Caitlin writes an editorial calling for the Degrassi student body to boycott any company that tests on animals.

Woo hoo!  Way to go, Caitlin, right?  Well, not quite. Kathleen is not happy that her editorial was cut.  She informs Caitlin that a lot of important medical breakthroughs were the result of scientists testing on animals.  Caitlin does some research and discovers that some animal research has to do with treating neurological conditions, like epilepsy.  Being an epileptic, Caitlin no longer feels that she can go to the protest march with Liz and Spike.  Liz accuses Caitlin of not caring about animals.  Meanwhile, one of Caitlin’s assistant editors resigns from the Digest because her father works for a company that tests on animals.

And so, Caitlin learns that there are two sides to every story!  Of course, that’s a lesson that Caitlin will have forgotten by the time Degrassi: The Next Generation rolls around but we’ll get to that later.

While Caitlin learns an important lesson about journalism, Joey continues to try to get someone at CRAZ-E radio to listen to the Zit Remedy demo tape.  He even get a job working at the place as a janitor.  He does such bad job that he gets fired after three days.  But radio sex therapist Dr. Sally (Sue Johanson) listens to the tape and tells Joey that he’s very talented.  Joey is super-excited.  As for the other Zits, Snake seems to be largely indifferent and Wheels is still too depressed to care about anything.

Finally, Scooter and Bart order some “sea monkeys” from the back of a comic book and are shocked to discover that the ad was rip-off.  I understand that Scooter and Bart were probably added to the show so that it could still appeal to kids even as the main cast became teenagers.  But seriously, Degrassi Junior High is a show that deals with teen pregnancy, drugs, eating disorders, journalistic ethics, and family conflict.  Nobody has time for any of this sea monkey nonsense.

Despite the sea monkeys, I thought this was a pretty good episode.  Caitlin’s shock upon discovering that an issue was more complicated than just right or wrong was something to which I could relate.  That there are two sides to every story may sound like a simple lesson but it’s one that people often need to be reminded of, perhaps now more than ever.  As for Joey, my heart broke for him in this episode.  He really doesn’t seem to get that his friends just aren’t as enthusiastic about the band as he is.  Poor guy.

Next week, it appears that the episode will be about the Farrell Twins, who are my least favorite characters on the show.  Oh well.  I know I can make it through.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 2.10 “Edna Displays Talent”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

After a two month break, it’s time to return to Canada’s favorite grocery store.

Episode 2.10 “Edna Displays Talent”

(Dir by Alan Ehrlich, originally aired on December 19th, 1986)

The tagline for the second season of Check It Out might as well, “Continuity: Who Needs It?”

After spending the previous few episodes as a hypercompetent manager and a great boyfriend, Howard is back to being an idiot in this week’s episode.  Not only does he not appear to be capable of managing a lemonade stand (let alone a supermarket) but he is again so dense that he doesn’t realize that Edna is feeling stuck in a rut.  Edna begs Howard to assign her the job of designing a display for a new barbecue sauce.  Howard, of course, gives the job to Christian.

Christian has no idea what to do so he gets Edna to do it for him.  Edna, recalling a romantic camping trip that she took with Howard when they first started dating, creates perhaps the ugliest display that I’ve ever seen.  Seriously, look at this:

Not only it an eyesore but how is anyone going to be able to reach the front registers with all of that stuff sitting in the way?  Plus, what exactly is the display for?  It’s supposed to be for barbecue sauce but it looks like it’s for red tents and Styrofoam trees.

That said, Howard is really impressed by the display.  He assumes that Christian is the one who did it.  Even after Edna shames Christian into telling the truth, Howard continues to assume that Christian is the one who built the display.  I’m not sure why Howard is so stupid in this episode but it certainly makes the company’s decision to fire him in the previous episode easier to understand.

Meanwhile, Murray is desperately trying to lose his virginity.  When he asks Howard for advice, Howard tells him about the time he and Edna went on a romantic camping trip and …. suddenly, Howard recognizes the display!  He apologizes to Edna and asks her to join him in the tent.

“In the store?” Edna says, surprised.

(Like, seriously, they’ve been together for seven years and they’ve never had sex in the store before?)

Uh-oh, turns out Murray’s busy losing his virginity in the tent.  Sorry, Howard and Edna!

This episode was an odd one, in that it required Howard and Edna to behave in ways that went against everything that the show had previously established about their characters.  But I laughed more than I thought I would.  The truth of the matter is that Don Adams was always funnier when he played Howard as a buffoon than as a nice guy.  As well, Jeff Pustil always makes me laugh as the cowardly but sneaky Jack Christian.  Pustil was very good at making desperation funny and Christian is desperate for the majority of this episode.

Finally, check out Marlene’s hair this episode:

This episode was dumb but it made me laugh.  That’s good enough for me.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 9/1/24 — 9/7/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’ve been getting ready for our annual October horrorthon so, this week, I binged a few of the shows that I review for the Shattered Lens and I wrote up several weeks’s worth of reviews.  If nothing else, I can proudly say that I’ve got reviews of CHiPs, Degrassi Junior High, Malibu CA, and Highway to Heaven all ready to go for the next two months.

On Friday night, I watched an episode of Night Flight that featured music videos from David Bowie.  The music was great.  Though it wasn’t featured on the episode, I found myself singing Heroes while I watched it.

On Saturday morning, Jeff and I watched an episode of Homicide: Life on the Streets, which is currently streaming on Peacock.  The episode featured Robin Williams as a man whose wife was gunned down in front of him and who found himself disgusted by the seemingly callous attitude of the detective investigating the crime.  This is a show that I’ve heard a lot about and one which I’ve been told I should consider reviewing for this site.  The episode that I saw was really good so I might have to do just that.

I haven’t really watched that much television over the past few months.  In fact, I went a few weeks without watching a single thing, which is one reason why there’s been a few weeks where I didn’t even have a reason to post a Week In Television. All of my focus was on taking care of my father.  I have a lot that I now need to get caught up on and I shall.  It might take a while but as James Bond told Tracy at their wedding, “We have all the time in the world.”

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

I guess it’s time to get back to reviewing those Sweathog antics!

Episode 3.25 “Horshack and the Madame X!”

(Dir by Al Schwartz, originally aired on February 23rd, 1978)

So, I’m finally ready to start reviewing Welcome Back, Kotter again and …. OH NO!  It’s a Horshack episode!

Listen, don’t get me wrong.  Ron Pallilo, despite what some critics have said, did not give a bad performance as Arnold Horshack.  Consistently, he gave the best performance that he could with the material that he was given.  It’s just that, as the series progressed, the character was written in a way that was more and more cartoonish.  By the time the third season rolled around, a little bit of Horshack went a long way.  If the first season present Horshack as being a relatively believable class clown, the third season Horshack was the type of weirdo who made you want to take out a restraining order.

This episode finds Horshack depressed because he can’t get a girlfriend.  The Sweathogs try to help but the truth of the matter is that no one wants to date Horshack.  (Not be mean but would you want to date Horshack?  Especially when Barbarino, Epstein, and Washington are right there?)  When Gabe mentions that he’s going to be teaching a night class at NYU, the Sweathogs announce that they’ll go over to his apartment to keep an eye on Julie.  Gabe agrees to this, mostly because he secretly hates Julie.

At the apartment, Julie tries to give Horshack some encouragement and makes the mistake of allowing him to show her how he asks a girl out on a date.  Horshack falls in love with Julie and he decides that she’s in love with him.  As I said, restraining order time!

The next night, Julie invites Horshack to dinner so she can let him down easy.  Unfortunately, Horshack shows up early and Julie has to try to talk to him with wet hair and wearing a bathrobe.  Then the other Sweathogs shows up and assume that Julie is leading Horshack on.  This episode did the impossible, in that it made me feel sorry for Julie.  Usually, Julie comes across like someone who is just permanently in a bad mood but this episode really drove home just how unfair it is that she has to continually play hostess to her husband’s students.  To be honest, Julie has the patience of a saint in this episode.

Travolta made me laugh a few times but otherwise, this was one of those episodes where I just wanted the Sweathogs to leave the apartment and leave the Kotter family alone.  Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Gabe was barely in it.  Reportedly, Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along and it’s easy to sense that during the third season.

As for this episode’s opening joke, Gabe told Julie about his uncle who became a mailman and then bit himself because he thought he was a dog.  Gabe’s family is just wacky!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 2.8 “Read My Lips”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Oscar will haunt your nightmares….

Episode 2.8 “Read My Lips”

(Dir by Francis Delia, originally aired on November 21st, 1988)

When you watch as much horror as I do, you automatically assume that anyone who is a ventriloquist is going to have an unhealthy relationship with their dummy.  Sometimes, the dummy is alive.  Sometimes, the dummy is possessed.  Sometimes, the dummy is just a dummy but the ventriloquist has decided that it’s alive and urging him to kill.  (For some reason, evil ventriloquists are always male.)  I’ve seen a lot of creepy ventriloquist dummies but nothing quite compared me for Oscar….

AGCK!  I mean …. LOOK AT THAT THING!

Oscar is at the center of this week’s episode of Friday the 13th.  Oscar is wearing a boutonniere that once belonged to the noted ventriloquist, Adolf Hitler.   The boutonniere not only brings Oscar to foul-mouthed life but it also inspires whoever owns Oscar to commit countless murders.  When we first see Oscar, he is owned by Edgar Van Horne (played by a youngish Billy Drago).  After Edgar attempts to break his bond with Oscar, Oscar drives Edgar crazy and then invites another ventriloquist, Travis Plunkett (John Byner), to be his owner.  Things don’t turn out well for Travis either.

Sadly, Jack is not in this episode.  With its emphasis on desperate nightclub performers and Oscar’s corny sense of humor, it’s hard not to feel that this storyline would have been right up Jack’s alley.  Instead, it’s left to Micki and Ryan to deal with Oscar and the ventriloquists.  Micki’s best friend from high school, Gabriella Montrose (Linda Griffiths), is planning on marrying Edgar but, needless to say, that all goes out the window once Edgar loses his mind and end up in a mental hospital.  For the most part, Micki and Ryan are largely bystanders in this episode.  All of the action revolves around Oscar and his unfortunate owners.

Billy Drago gives a wonderful performance as Edgar, making him both frightening and, in the end, surprisingly sympathetic.  Edgar is desperate to escape the clutches of Oscar but, in the end, it turns out that he’s grown addicted to performing with Oscar and the attempt to quit cold turkey leads to him losing his mind.  (Many episodes of Friday the 13th feature storylines that felt as if they were meant to be a metaphor for drug addiction and that’s certainly the case here.)  John Byner plays his role a bit more broadly than Drago but still, it’s hard not to feel bad for Travis as he comes to realize that he’s in over his head with Oscar.

This was an effectively creepy episode, even if it did owe an obvious debt to the 1978 film Magic.  Oscar makes for a memorable monster.  Hopefully, he’ll never be seen again.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.13 “The Curse”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

So, after two months, I guess it’s time to finish up reviewing T and T.

I have to admit that I had to remind myself just what exactly this show was about before I watched the 13th episode of the third season.  It’s not a show that really sticks in your mind when you’re not watching it.  In case you need a refresher, the third season of T and T finds T.S. Turner (Mr. T) working for lawyer Terri Taler (Kristina Nicoll), who is apparently the sister of Amy Taler, the crusading lawyer that Turner worked with for the previous two seasons.

Episode 3.13 “The Curse”

(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on March 31st, 1990)

When T.S. demands that Alfredo (Sam Malkin) pay an outstanding bill for Terri’s legal services, Alfredo reacts by putting a gypsy curse on T.S.  T.S. does what anyone would do.  He fakes his death and has his friends hold a fake funeral in order to guilt Alfredo into paying the bill.

What?

Again, it’s been nearly two months since I last watched this show.  When I was taking care of my Dad, the last thing that I was thinking about was an obscure Canadian comedy/action show from the late 80s.  So, I guess I had forgotten just how silly T and T actually was.  And really, I can’t fault the show for being silly.  I mean, it’s a show that stars Mr. T.  Of course it’s going to be silly!  That said, you know that a show is running out of ideas when they trot out a gypsy curse.  The idea of T.S. Turner faking his own death had potential but the episode itself just kind of fell flat.  By the third season of T and T, it was obvious that Mr. T was so bored with the show that there really wasn’t much difference between Turner pretending to be dead and Turner being alive.

The majority of the episode is taken up with Turner’s “funeral,” which is held at Decker’s gym.  It’s a bit of a missed opportunity, especially when you consider that T and T was in its final season.  Joe Casper returns and so do three of the show’s recurring crooks.  But not present are Turner’s Aunt or his niece, both of whom were key characters during the show’s first season.  And, needless to say, Amy Taler does not attend the funeral of the man she got out of prison and worked with for two full seasons.  It really does leave the viewer wondering, once again, just what happened to Amy’s character and why the show’s third season insists on acting as if Terri has always been Turner’s partner.

Anyway, the scheme works.  Alfredo pays his bill.  Turner reveals that he’s not dead.  The funeral turns into a party.  That’s kind of nice.

I’m nearly done with this show.  That’s nice, too.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.15 “Change of Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, things get freaky, as in Friday.

Episode 2.15 “Change of Life”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 29th, 1986)

Once again, Jonathan and Mark find themselves in Hollywood.  It’s interesting just how many of Jonathan’s heavenly assignments involved helping a film or television star feel better about life.  Given that Michael Landon was heavily involved in the show as a producer, director, writer, and star, I’ve usually assumed that the Hollywood episodes were his way of dealing with his own possibly conflicted feelings about being a part of the entertainment industry.

(Interestingly, the Hollywood episodes always seem to take place in a sort of old-fashioned fantasy of Hollywood, where anyone can become a star and where westerns and historical epics were still being shot on studio backlots.)

This time, Jonathan and Mark find themselves assigned to work with actress Linda Blackwell (Anne-Marie Martin).  Jonathan is her new bodyguard and Mark is her hairdresser.  Mark totally freaks out when he discovers that he’s not only going to have to cut hair but that God has lied and provided him with a fake beauty school diploma.  Everyone, including Linda and head of studio security Sam Quigley (Greg Mullavey), assumes that Mark and Jonathan are a couple.  Jonathan is amused by it but Mark freaks out.

(Seriously, though,  Mark and Jonathan are two single, middle-aged men who drive around the country and regularly rent apartments together.  What does Mark think everyone’s been assuming for the last years and a half?)

Anyway, Mark thinks that being a woman is easy.  Linda thinks that men spend all of their time being pigs.  No sooner can you say “Freaky Friday” then the lights have switched on-and-off and Mark and Linda have switched bodies.  Mark discovers what it’s like to be objectified and Linda discovers that Sam isn’t a jerk but instead, he’s a sensitive guy who wants to marry her.

It’s a pretty simple episode, even by the standards of Highway to Heaven.  There’s a bit too much gay panic humor, with Mark overreacting to such an extent that it’s hard not to wonder if maybe there’s some truth to what everyone is assuming.  But, on the plus side, both Victor French and Anne-Marie Martin do a good job portraying Mark and Linda, both before and after they switch bodies.  There’s nothing at all subtle about Victor French’s performance here but, considering that his usual role on Highway to Heaven was to be kind of gruff and stoic, it’s a nice change-of-pace to see him not only doing physical comedy but also showing himself to be fairly adept at it.

The episode ends with both Mark and Linda back in their original bodies.  Linda marries Sam.  As for Mark, he mentions that cows never have to worry about any of the stuff that humans do.  Uh-oh, Mark, don’t give God any ideas….

TOO LATE!

The episode ends with Mark, who is driving, mooing while a cow chases after Mark and Jonathan’s car.  God apparently enjoys playing little tricks on Mark.  Hopefully, the car didn’t end up crashing.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Ugh.  I guess it’s time to get back to this stupid show.

Episode 1.8 “Two ‘Man’ Bowling”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 29th, 1998)

The local bowling alley has got a tournament coming up.  The grand prize is a jet ski!  Woo hoo!  Jason Collins really wants to win that jet ski and defeat Louie (Jose Urbina).  In fact, Jason even bets all of Scott’s tip money that he’ll be able to win the tournament.  (Why Scott’s tip money?  Because Louie spots the jar on the counter at the restaurant and assumes that it’s Jason’s tip money.  God, this show is freaking stupid.)  It’s a good thing that Jason is dating Stads, the best bowler in Malibu.

Except …. IT’S A TWO MAN BOWLING TOURNAMENT!  NO WOMEN ALLOWED!

Like seriously, what the Hell?  Both Stads and Sam are outraged by the blatant sexism but Jason is more worried about that jet ski and his brother’s tip money.  He recruits Scott to be his partner but then Scott sprains his wrist when it gets caught in a dollhouse that has been refurbished into a big mouse trap because there’s a mouse loose at the restaurant and…. God, this show is freaking stupid.

Anyway, Stads puts on a fake beard and wears a loose flannel shirt and speaks in a deep voice and pretends to be a guy named Earl.  Jason and “Earl” win the tournament but Melody (Marissa Jaret Winokur) develops a crush on Earl and asks him on a date.  Because Melody’s father own the bowling alley, Stads has to go on the date or else Jason won’t win his jet ski.  Huh?

Since Stads is not a total sociopath, she reveals the truth to Melody at the awards tournament.  (Actually, the truth comes out because Jason accidentally pulls off Stads’s wig but Stads was planning on coming clear regardless.)  At first, it appears that Jason and Stads are going to be disqualified but then the owner of the bowling alley decides to change the rules after the tournament has ended and, as a result, Jason and Scott win a jet ski and hey, maybe Stads will get to ride it as well.

(Seriously, Stads …. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER!)

Meanwhile, there’s a mouse loose in the restaurant and instead of following health code regulations and closing the place down, Peter says that Murray and Sam have a day to catch it before he calls in the exterminator.  It’s dumb but I have to admit that I did kind of smile at Murray, Sam, and Tracy’s enthusiasm when it came to hunting the mouse.  They were enjoyably silly.

For the most part, though, this was a pretty freaking stupid episode that felt as if it was pieced together with plotlines and jokes that were left over from Saved By The Bell and California Dreams.  As I’ve said before, this show wouldn’t be so bad if Jason and Scott weren’t total jerks but they are.  One guy with a smirk is intriguing but two guys with a smirk feels like a threat.  I hope their jet ski sinks.