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Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion.

This week, Mr. Roarke is almost too clever for his own good.

Episode 4.16 “Chorus Girl/Surrogate Father”

(Dir by Richard Benedict, originally aired on February 21st, 1981)

Weird episode, this week.

Our first story features John Saxon, playing the role of Evan Watkins.  Evan is a compulsive gambler and his fantasy is to make one huge score.  Accompanying Evan is his young daughter, Amy (Nicole Eggert).  Her fantasy is for Evan to give up gambling and start acting like a real father.  On the Island, Evan and Amy meet Margo (Rosemary Forsyth), a social worker whose fantasy is to really make a difference in the life of someone who is in trouble.  Basically, Mr. Roarke takes all three fantasies and just crams them together.

So, Evan does win big but then some gangsters show up, searching for him.  And Amy does get her wish but not before Evan nearly abandons his family.  And Margo, after some initial hesitation, falls in love with Evan and leaves the Island with him and Amy.  It all works out but it still seems dangerous to mix together a bunch of fantasies like that.  If one thing had gone wrong, Roarke would have been left with three unhappy customers instead of just one.

This fantasy was pretty predictable but it did give Herve Villechaize a chance to actually do something more than just stand around and ask Mr. Roarke questions.  The scene where Tattoo comforts Amy by explaining that her father may be a man on the outside but is still just a scared child on the inside was wonderfully acted by Villechaize and rather sweet.  Villechaize was notoriously difficult on the set of Fantasy Island and was reportedly always on the verge of being fired for his behavior but, in this scene, he demonstrates why he was so important to the show.  Mr. Roarke may be the owner of Fantasy Island but Tattoo is the heart.

The second fantasy is kind of creepy.  Sheila Richards (Lisa Hartman) has been deaf since birth.  She was raised by Franklin Adams (Stuart Whitman), who taught her how to dance.  Unfortunately, Sheila can only dance by watching Franklin’s hand signals.  Franklin’s fantasy is for Sheila to be able to hear for a weekend so she can audition for a world-famous choreographer.  Franklin also wants to tell Sheila that he’s in love with her.

There’s a few problems here.  Franklin is in his 50s while Sheila is in her 20s and has basically been dependent on him for her entire life.  Franklin wants Sheila to hear him when he says, “I love you!” but he also goes to the Island with the knowledge that, at the end of the weekend, Sheila will again lose her hearing.  It seems a bit cruel on Franklin’s part to put Sheila through all that when 1) he knows sign language and 2) Sheila can read lips.  There’s nothing stopping Franklin from telling her how he feels.

The other problem is that the episode doesn’t seem to understand that there are many dancers who are hearing-impaired.  Because they learn the choreography and can feel the vibrations of the music, they are fully capable of dancing without being dependent on someone signing to the them from the audience.  One does not need to hear the music to be able to dance to it.  Instead, one just has to be able to keep time and remember the choreography.

Anyway, as you can probably guess, Sheila falls in love with the world-famous choreographer, leaving Franklin heart-broken.  However, at the end of the episode, Mr. Roarke introduces Franklin to a teenage girl who lives on the Island.  Roarke explains that she’s deaf and asks Franklin to look after her while she goes to school in New York.  Franklin agrees with a quickness that is a bit …. icky.

This whole fantasy felt like a mess, from Franklin’s oddly-conceived fantasy to the fact that Lisa Hartman was in no way convincing as someone who can’t hear.  Whether Sheila can hear or not, the one thing that remains consistent is Hartman’s overacting.  Even the usually reliable Ricardo Montalban seems to be annoyed by the whole fantasy.

This was a weird trip to the Island.  What will next week’s journey reveal?

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Baker solves everything!

Episode 1.17 “Hitch-Hiking Hitch”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on February 9th, 1978)

It’s another crazy week on the highways of California.

Baker saves a wind sailor who loses control of his boat while testing it on the freeway.  Baker saves a trucker when the brakes go out on his rig.  Baker helps out an old man (George Chandler) who refuses to leave his home until he’s promised that he and his dog won’t be put in an assisted living facility.  Baker tells two teenagers, Jenny (Lark Gein) and Marge (Stacy Nelkin), about the dangers of hitchhiking on the highways.

In other words, this is yet another first season episode of CHiPs where the main theme seems to be that Ponch is thoroughly useless.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Ponch definitely helps out.  When Baker tells Ponch to direct traffic, Ponch hops off his motorcycle and starts waving at cars to either stop or go.  But it’s still hard not to notice that, when something needs to be done, Baker is the one who does it.  Indeed, Baker is usually the only one who knows how to do it.  You have to kind of wonder why he’s not in charge since he always knows what to do.

Still, Sgt. Getraer is the man in charge and he’s been named “Sergeant of the Month” by CHiPs Magazine.  Ponch and Baker are worried that Getraer is too humble to really enjoy the honor.  For some reason, Ponch thinks that playing a joke on Getraer by switching out his helmet will make Getraer enjoy life more.  It really doesn’t make much sense to me but this is Ponch that we’re talking about.

There’s an odd scene where Ponch and Baker are having lunch at a diner.  A man in a van pulls up and sees that their bikes are in the parking spot that he wants.  The man, who is rather large, picks up the bikes and puts them on the sidewalk.  He then picks up a car and moves it to the side.  Luckily, Getraer rolls up and gives the guy a ticket.

While Baker and Getraer are doing their jobs, Ponch is trying to get laid.  When Mary Kate (Katherine Cannon) comes to the station to bail out her sister (who is one of the hitchhikers), Ponch takes one look at her and says, “I bet you were named after your grandmother, who was also very beautiful.”  Mary Kate responds that she was named after two spinster aunts.  She goes on a few dates with Ponch and claims that her sister has been led astray by her friend.  It turns out Mary Kate is wrong and her sister is the one who keeps insisting on hitchhiking.

The hitchhiking nearly ends in disaster but fear not!  Baker is there to save Marge from some creeps driving a van.  Seriously, what would California do without Jon Baker?

Anyway, the scene with the out-of-control truck was kind of exciting but otherwise, this was a typical episode of CHiPs.  It wasn’t particularly memorable but the California scenery was lovely to look at.  Anyone want to go wind sailing?

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.5 “The Dutch Oven”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

Well, this sucks!  Tubi is no longer streaming Miami Vice.  Hopefully, the show will soon have a new streaming home.  As for the episode that I reviewed below, I had to buy it on Prime.  It cost next to nothing but still, there’s a larger issue, namely my desire to watch stuff for free.

Episode 2.4 “The Dutch Oven”

(Dir by Abel Ferrara, originally aired on October 25th, 1985)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice opens with a typical Vice situation.  Trudy is undercover as a prostitute.  Tubbs is undercover as a drug buyer.  When the dealers try to rip Tubbs off, it leads to an exciting and well-shot car chase that ends in an alley.  One of the dealers points his gun at Sonny and Trudy and, four shots later, he’s lying dead on the ground.

For once, though, it’s not Sonny who did the shooting.  Instead, all four shots were fired by Trudy.  This time, it’s Trudy who is shaken by taking someone’s life and it’s Trudy who finds herself being harassed by Internal Affairs.  Feeling lost, Trudy goes to a party hosted by her ex-boyfriend, David (Cleavant Derricks).  Soon, Trudy and David are back together but, when Trudy discovers that someone is dealing drugs at David’s parties, she is forced to confront the fact that her boyfriend might not be an innocent bystander.

A young Giancarlo Esposito appears in this episode, playing an up-and-coming dealer named Adonis.  Adonis is an old friend of David’s and he’s also the one who is responsible for selling the drugs at the parties.  (It turns out that David actually is innocent.)  Sonny, realizing that Trudy is too close to the case and still emotionally shaken by the earlier shooting, goes undercover to take Adonis down.  Of course, Adonis doesn’t surrender easily and the episode ends with him literally daring Trudy to shoot him.  Trudy hesitates so Sonny sends Adonis to the ground with one punch.  As far as endings go, it doesn’t quite feel like a Miami Vice ending.  Season one, for instance, had no hesitation about ending with gunshots.  Gina shot Burt Young in cold blood.  Pam Grier killed several drug dealers and apparently got away with it.  Bruce Willis’s wife shot him on the courthouse steps.  Dennis Farina was shot in his car at the end of Lombard.  This episode, though, ends with Sonny demonstrating that he can make arrests without killing people and with Trudy still not having to deal with her fear of using her weapon.  It feels a bit wishy-washy, to be honest.

On the plus side, Abel Ferrara does a good job directing this episode.  The opening action scene is genuinely exciting and the entire episode is permeated with a melancholy atmosphere.  This episode deserves some credit for acknowledging that the Vice detectives spend a lot of time investigating and arresting people with whom they’ve become friends.  And it’s good that, after spending so much time in the background, Trudy finally got a showcase episode and Olivia Brown got a chance to prove she could carry a story.  This is an effective episode, even if it never quite becomes a classic.

A Few Late Thoughts On The 96th Oscars

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, the Oscars actually ended early.

Not that early, of course.  In fact, towards the end of the show, Jimmy Kimmel came out and did his usual anti-Trump schtick just to pad out the running time so that the Oscars managed to make it to the allotted 3 hour and 30 minute mark.  (And yes, it is schtick.  The late night hosts need Trump just as much as Trump needs them.)  The thing is, though, the Oscars usually run over by a good 30 minutes.  The show ending on time means that it ended early.  This is the first Oscar telecast, in my lifetime, to end on time.  I could actually go out and do stuff after the show ended.  It was fun!

As for the show itself, it was a relatively smooth production.  No one got slapped.  There were no major technical snafus.  As to be expected, there were a few embarrassing acceptance speeches.  I thought Zone of Interest was a powerful film and I also thought Under The Skin was brilliant but I can still do without ever having to listen to Jonathan Glazer give another speech.  One can only imagine how Martin Amis would have reacted to Glazer’s “speech.”

(Martin Amis wrote the novel that served as the basis for the film that won Glazer an Oscar.  Amis never had much use for the wimpy or the self-important.)

Ryan Gosling’s performance of I Am Ken was the highlight of the show.  Of course, then the song failed to win the Oscar.  It reminded me a bit of how, in 2021, the entire broadcast was designed to end with Chadwick Boseman receiving a posthumous award, just for a confused Joaquin Phoenix to read Anthony Hopkins’s name instead.  Sometimes, the voters really do just vote for who or what they think should win, regardless of the preferred narrative.

In fact, for all the hype, Barbie wasn’t much of a factor in the awards.  It won one Oscar, for the song that wasn’t I Am Ken.  The Academy was far more impressed with Poor Things.  Still, Barbie did better than Killers of the Flower Moon, which won not a single award.  Poor Things‘s Emma Stone defeating Lily Gladstone was the upset of the evening.  Am I the only one who briefly got worried that Poor Things would somehow win Best Picture over Oppenheimer?

The big winner, of course, was Oppenheimer.  My top film of 2023 was Past Lives but Oppenheimer was a close second.  (Until Glazer gave his speech, Zone of Interest was my third pick.)  Robert Downey, Jr. became the first former SNL cast member to win an acting Oscar.  Christopher Nolan accepted his Oscar from Steven Spielberg, which felt like a real changing-of-the-guard moment.  Cillian Murphy won Best Actor.  I would have voted for Paul Giamatti but Murphy still deserves a lot of credit for holding Oppenheimer together.

Godzilla is an Oscar winner!  Yay!

All in all, it was a good show.  Occasionally, it was even fun.  It was very efficient, as if the Academy specifically picked this year to show ABC that it actually could put on an orderly show that didn’t preempt the entire network’s programming by an extra hour.  My advice for next year would be to stop doing the thing where five previous winners came out to praise the current nominees.  (That bit has always felt a bit condescending and I would much rather see clips of the nominated performances.)  And maybe get John Mulaney to host because Jimmy Kimmel has become just way too impressed with himself.

Now, 2023 is done.  Onward to 2024!

(Actually, you know what I haven’t done, yet?  I haven’t posted my picks for the best of 2023.  I’ll do that this week, even though I doubt anyone cares at this point.  But I’ve posted my lists every year and I’m not going to break tradition now.  I just have a handful of movies to watch today and tomorrow….)

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/3/24 — 3/9/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

TV?  I own a TV?

Actually, I own several.

Believe it or not, I really didn’t watch any television shows this week because I was too busy watching movies and getting ready for Oscar Sunday.  On Friday night, I did watch an old episode of Night Flight, which focused on music videos that featured a lot of dancing.  And I kind of watched the State of the Union address on Thursday.

Otherwise, I was busy with movies.  The Oscars are on Sunday and, after that, things should get back to normal!

Until then….

PROGRAMMING NOTE: Retro Television Reviews Will Return On March 11th

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone!  Lisa Marie here with a quick programming note!

For nearly two years, I’ve been posting daily retro television reviews here on the Lens.  That feature is going on hiatus for this upcoming week so that this site can concentrate on the Oscars.  Speaking for myself, I know that I have a lot that I need to watch and review before the Oscars are handed out on March 10!

So, my daily reviews of Miami Vice, Baywatch Nights, CHiPs, Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, Monsters, Highway to Heaven, T and T, Friday the 13th, Welcome Back Kotter, Check It Out, and Degrassi Junior High will return on March 11th, after Oscar week concludes!

For now, let’s watch some movies!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/25/24 — 3/2/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This was an odd week.  Other than the shows that I watch for my retro television reviews, I only watch six other shows this week.  And no, Shogun was not one of them, though I do plan to watch it tomorrow.

On Wednesday, I watched Abbott Elementary and I thought it was funny, even if it didn’t really reach the heights of last week’s episode.  Abbott Elementary is definitely the best sitcom on network television but it’s still starting to show some signs of age.

Also on Wednesday, I watched the season premiere of Survivor.  It seems like a good group, even if I still wish Survivor would go back to its old format.  It does kind of bother me that every new season of Survivor has to have some whiny, socially awkward person who acts scared of everything and who were supposed to feel sorry for.  If I want to watch Sam Bankman-Fried and Caroline Ellison on a reality show, I’ll watch more true crime.

On Friday night, I watched an episode of an 80s music video show called Radio 1990 and an episode of Night Flight that featured a lot of Canadians.  I also watched another chapter of the 1930s serial, The Vanishing Shadow.  They were all fun.

On Friday and Saturday, I watched several episodes of — cringe! — The Jerry Springer Show.  They’re on YouTube and I watched them as research for a future post.  There’s no way that whole show wasn’t staged.

That’s it!  Not much to this week in television.  I almost skipped this week’s post altogether but …. well, I’m a completist.  Even if I don’t do anything, I still feel it’s important to officially acknowledge my inactivity.

 

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe considers selling out!

Episode 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 17th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who tried to teach an octopus how to play the bagpipes.  The octopus instead just “made love to the bagpipes” and it sounded exactly as if he knew how to play them.  Julie, who has a broken arm in this episode, doubles over laughing.

Meanwhile, at the school, rumor has it that the position of vice principal will soon be open.  While visiting the principal’s office, Epstein came across a memo in which it was stated that Mr.  Woodman’s contract was up and the school board was thinking of replacing him.  The Sweathogs immediately start to pass around a Kotter For Vice Principal petition.  Freddie signs it 20 times.  Epstein threatens to beat up anyone who doesn’t sign.

The only problem is that Mr. Kotter does not want to be Vice Principal.  He’s happy being a teacher and he doesn’t want to abandon his Sweathogs.  However, two things change his mind.  First, Mr. Woodman — who has been calling himself Uncle Woody in an attempt to bond with the students — mocks the very idea of Gabe in an important position.  Then, Julie mentions that they could use the extra money.  Gabe decides to throw his hat in the ring.

That night, Gabe has an extended dream sequence.  It’s 2050.  The Sweathogs are all in their 90s and still students at Buchanan High.  And Gabe is walking through the hallways with a crown on his head and basically acting like a pretty tyrant.  “Call me king!” he demands.  Eventually, even elderly Julie shows up and it’s hard not to notice that her arm is still in a cast.  (How badly did she break it!?)  Julie announces that she can’t wait until the peasants rise up and execute Gabe.  YIKES!

Not surprisingly, Gabe wakes up and realizes that he’s happy not being vice principal because if he had any power, it would go to his head, he would become insufferable, and his wife (or the actress playing his wife) would call for him to be killed….

Uhmm …. yeah.  Given what I’ve read about the tense set of Welcome Back, Kotter and Gabe Kaplan’s not particularly harmonious working relationship with Marcia Strassman, it’s tempting to read a lot into this episode.  Were the writers venting about working with Gabe Kaplan or were they satirizing Marcia Strassman’s hatred of the show and the characters?  Regardless, it makes for an odd episode.  On the plus side, Mr. Woodman got some good lines and the Sweathogs were back to being their usual borderline criminal self.  On the negative side, I do wish they had done more with Gabe’s dream than just put the Sweathogs in silly costumes and have them speak in exagerrated “old man” voices.

In the end, though, the important thing is that Mr. Woodman still has a job.  He’s seriously the funniest character on the show.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Friday the 13th: The Series 1.20 “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

How many more people must die before the Quilt of Hathor is stopped!?  Let’s find out.

Episode 1.20 “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on May 9th, 1988)

We pick up where the previous episode ended.  Ryan is still living with the ultra-religious Pentites and is still viewed with suspicion by the majority of them.  He is still in love with the Reverend Grange’s daughter, Laura.  And Effie Stokes still has the quilt that she can use to enter the dreams of others and kill them.

However, Effie is not the main villain here.  Instead, it is the Reverend Grange (Scott Paulin) who is corrupted by the quilt.  When the community’s elders tell Grange that it is important that he select a wife, he finally selects Effie.  Effie is overjoyed but, as soon becomes clear, she intends to use the quilt to kill Grange on their wedding night so that she can take over the community.  However, in the dream, Grange gets the upper hand and kills Effie instead.  Soon, Grange is using the quilt to go after anyone in the community with whom he has a grudge.  And when the members of the community suspect that witchcraft is afoot, he casts the blame on Ryan.

This is the episode where Ryan nearly gets burned at the stake.  Fortunately, Micki and Chris show up just as Ryan is about to be set on fire.  They distract the Pentites long enough for Laura to discover Effie’s body and to reveal that Grange is the murderer.  A long chase ends with Grange falling out of a barn to his death.

That, of course, also kills Laura and Ryan’s romance.  Ryan realizes that he has a holy duty to help Chris and Micki track down cursed antiques.  And Laura says that she has to stay behind to help the community rebuild.  Personally, I think she’s just reluctant to declare her love for the man who killed her father.  That’s understandable.

This was not a bad episode.  I liked the way that, for once, we got to see how a formerly good and reasonable person could be corrupted by one of the cursed antiques.  Laura and Ryan’s romance was a bit too obviously lifted from Witness but still, John D. LeMay and Carolyn Dunn had a likable chemistry together.  Just as with the first part of the story, the surreal nightmares were well-done and genuinely frightening.

Next week, Ryan and Micki search for a haunted camera!

Retro Television Review: T and T 2.19 “Family Honour”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

It’s ninja time!

Episode 2.19 “Family Honour”

(Dir by Ryszard Bugajski, originally aired on May 15th, 1989)

First things first, I have to admit that I smiled when I saw the title “Family Honour” flash on the screen.  T and T was a Canadian-produced show that always desperately tried to convince viewers that it was actually taking place in the United States.  But that “Honour,” which no one on the production staff probably even gave a second thought to, totally gives the game away.  It’s like when a Yankee trying to pretend to be from the South says that they’ve been waiting “in line” instead of “on line.”

(Of course, Texans like me also have little tells that give away our place of origin.  Me, I drop the g’s on “ing” so casually that I don’t even realize that I’m doin’ it half the time.)

Anyway, this episode begins in medias res.  Mrs. Shimada (Brenda Kamino) has invited Amy and T.S. to her home so that she can thank them by serving them tea.  Apparently, Amy arranged for a centuries-old Samurai sword to be returned to the Shimada family.  T.S., meanwhile, has been guarding the sword because of how valuable it is.  Still, that doesn’t stop a ninja from breaking into the house and trying to kill Kim (Lisa Jai), the ten year-old to whom the sword has been gifted.  Fortunately, Turner is there to run him off.

Mr. T vs. ninjas!?  Hell yeah!

Unfortunately, there aren’t really many scenes of Mr. T fighting the ninjas.  There’s one scene where he gets flipped onto his back by an apprentice ninja.  And there’s another where T.S. grabs a sword out of a ninja’s hand and then knocks him out with one punch.  That was pretty cool.  But, considering the potential here, it’s hard to be disappointed by the fact that Mr. T himself never put on a ninja outfit or flew through the air.

Instead, T.S. confronts Kim’s uncle, Ikuta (Denis Akiyama).  Having left Japan after bring shame onto the family, Ikuta relocated to Canada and opened up his own ninja training academy in Toronto.  T.S. thinks that Ikuta wants the sword for himself and he also thinks that Ikuta is trying to kill his own niece so that he can be rewarded with special ninja powers.  (Uhmm …. okay, then.)  Ikuta says that’s ludicrous and it turns out that T.S. was too quick to judge Ikuta.  It’s not Ikuta who is trying to steal the sword.  It’s Ikuta’s main student, James (David Orth)!  Ikuta proves his worth by defending Kim from James.  Turner, more or less, just observes.

That seems to be a pattern with the last few episode of T and T.  As of late, Turner hasn’t been as active a participant as in the past.  Instead, it’s hard not to feel that he’s mostly just there so that the show can introduce new characters, all of whom could potentially be spun off into another series.  This episode felt much like a backdoor pilot for a show that would have followed Ikuta as he regained his honour.  That said, this was still a marked improvement over last week’s episode.  You really can’t go wrong with ninjas.