Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Gabe considers selling out!

Episode 3.12 “Kotter For Vice Principal”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on November 17th, 1977)

Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who tried to teach an octopus how to play the bagpipes.  The octopus instead just “made love to the bagpipes” and it sounded exactly as if he knew how to play them.  Julie, who has a broken arm in this episode, doubles over laughing.

Meanwhile, at the school, rumor has it that the position of vice principal will soon be open.  While visiting the principal’s office, Epstein came across a memo in which it was stated that Mr.  Woodman’s contract was up and the school board was thinking of replacing him.  The Sweathogs immediately start to pass around a Kotter For Vice Principal petition.  Freddie signs it 20 times.  Epstein threatens to beat up anyone who doesn’t sign.

The only problem is that Mr. Kotter does not want to be Vice Principal.  He’s happy being a teacher and he doesn’t want to abandon his Sweathogs.  However, two things change his mind.  First, Mr. Woodman — who has been calling himself Uncle Woody in an attempt to bond with the students — mocks the very idea of Gabe in an important position.  Then, Julie mentions that they could use the extra money.  Gabe decides to throw his hat in the ring.

That night, Gabe has an extended dream sequence.  It’s 2050.  The Sweathogs are all in their 90s and still students at Buchanan High.  And Gabe is walking through the hallways with a crown on his head and basically acting like a pretty tyrant.  “Call me king!” he demands.  Eventually, even elderly Julie shows up and it’s hard not to notice that her arm is still in a cast.  (How badly did she break it!?)  Julie announces that she can’t wait until the peasants rise up and execute Gabe.  YIKES!

Not surprisingly, Gabe wakes up and realizes that he’s happy not being vice principal because if he had any power, it would go to his head, he would become insufferable, and his wife (or the actress playing his wife) would call for him to be killed….

Uhmm …. yeah.  Given what I’ve read about the tense set of Welcome Back, Kotter and Gabe Kaplan’s not particularly harmonious working relationship with Marcia Strassman, it’s tempting to read a lot into this episode.  Were the writers venting about working with Gabe Kaplan or were they satirizing Marcia Strassman’s hatred of the show and the characters?  Regardless, it makes for an odd episode.  On the plus side, Mr. Woodman got some good lines and the Sweathogs were back to being their usual borderline criminal self.  On the negative side, I do wish they had done more with Gabe’s dream than just put the Sweathogs in silly costumes and have them speak in exagerrated “old man” voices.

In the end, though, the important thing is that Mr. Woodman still has a job.  He’s seriously the funniest character on the show.