Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.7 “Yinessa’s Interview”

Posted on December 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

The Bulls are in the playoffs!

Episode 2.7 “Yinessa’s Interview”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on December 30th, 1986)

Last week, training camp finally ended.

This week, the Bulls are in the playoffs!

Wow, we skipped the entire regular season. Well, that’s okay. It was obvious from the start that the Bulls were going to make it to the playoffs so why hold off on the inevitable? Tom Yinessa has led the Bulls to a spot in the Wildcard and woo hoo!

The only problem is that Yinessa hasn’t had time to get laid. When he does try to make time for Christy (Betsy Russell) — who I guess is his new girlfriend because she wasn’t his girlfriend an episode ago — they are interrupted by reporter Donna Starkey (Brianne Leary), who needs to finish up her interview with Yinessa. Christy leaves angry but then she returns to make up for Yinessa, just to discover him on the verge of fooling around with Donna.

While all of this is going, the other team tries to fool the Bulls by sending them a fake playbook. Coach Denardo thinks that it’s genuine but T.D. Parker is like, “I’ll kill you if you use that playbook! I’ve done it before!” Also a woman tells Jethro that he’s the father of her son. Jethro is skeptical but he agrees to get a paternity test.

Donna writes an article about how Yinessa is an unimpressive quarterback. But the Bulls still win their playoff game by relying on defense. Mad Dog Smears angrily notes that reporters never want to interview anyone defense …. wait a minute, where’s Dr. Death? Seeing as how the defense wins the game, this seems like a weird episode not to feature Dr. Death.

The Bulls win their game but Yinessa no longer has a girlfriend. Womp womp.

This episode was weirdly unsubstantial. It may be because of how the episodes have been edited for syndication to remove all of the nudity and cursing but 1st & Ten never seems to be able to develop any sort of narrative momentum. Instead of each episode building towards something, it’s usually just 20 minutes of random events that never seem to really be tied together. One could say the same thing of life in general, I suppose.

This is my final 1st & Ten review of 2025. Retro Television Reviews is taken a break for the holidays but this feature will return in January. My next 1st & Ten review will be on January 7th, 2026.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

Posted on November 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yay! Training camp is over!

Episode 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 29th, 1986)

When arrogant quarterback Johnny Valentine refuses to enter drug rehab, Diana reacts by having him traded to Buffalo. Johnny may be a superstar but he won’t be playing for the Bulls. That means that Yinessa, the player who nearly kicked off the team twice, is now the starting quarterback. Yinessa also makes up with his girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) so I guess he’s having a good week.

Bubba has to lose five pounds to retain his starting position. When he goes in to be weighed, it appears that he’s only lost four pounds. Bubba quickly takes off his gold watch and he makes weight! Good for Bubba, I guess.

Finally, Rick Lampert (Marcus Allen) shows up at training camp is given a number 32 jersey by T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson). Lampert’s like, This is your number. Parker replies that the number now belongs to Lampert. Awwww! In the role of T.D. Parker, O.J. Simpson has a way of slashing his way to the heart of the matter,

Training camp finally ended with this episode and I’m glad about that because those training camp episodes were getting really dull. I have to be honest, though. We’re halfway through the second season and I still don’t feel like I know any of these characters. Donald Gibb occasionally makes me laugh as Dr. Death. And, as T.D. Parker, OJ Simpson seems like a really nice guy. Otherwise, though, this show feels oddly hollow. Of course, that may be because I’m watching the syndicated version, which apparently edited out a lot of nudity and bad behavior on the part of the players.

Oh well. Let’s see how the team does! This episode ends with Diana saying she wants to win a championship. Does Yinessa have it in him to lead the team with victory? With OJ Simpson as his coach, he better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Victory’s yours …. for that taking….

Ugh, let’s do this.

Episode 2.5 “California Freeze Out”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 22nd, 1986)

Training camp continues!

Oh, Good Lord, does it continue.

And look, I get it. This was a low-budget show that relied on stock footage for the majority of its game footage. There was probably only so much footage available. Not every episode could feature a game. And training camp is an important part of football and I’m sure that, back in 1986, HBO was proud of that set they built for the ugly bar where all the players hang out. It’s not a bad set. You look at it and you can literally smell the rancid combination of sweat and urine that seems to follow most male athletes.

But seriously …. I’M TIRED OF TRAINING CAMP! Its time to move on!

As for this episode …. hey, Waldren is already back from rehab and he’s clean! That was quick. However, shady quarterback Johnny Valentine continues to hang out with drug dealers and Waldren gives into temptation. He ends up at a raucous drug party that’s busted by the cops. Waldren jumps out of a window. His date is accidentally shot. You might think that Johnny Valentine would be in trouble considering how anti-drug the league has become but it turns out that Johnny is a star and busting him would effect ad revenue. So, Johnny gets off scot-free.

Meanwhile, O.J. Simpson — whoops, sorry, I meant to say T.D. Parker, don’t hurt me, Vengeful Spirit of O.J. — recruits a young player named Rick Lambert (Marcus Allen) to be the team’s new running back. Marcus Allen gave such a stiff performance that I immediately realized that he had to have been an actual player and it turns out that I was right. You can always tell the actual players because they’re the ones who can never summon up any emotion when they stumble through their lines. O.J. was the epitome of a player who became a bad actor but he came across as being …. well, not quite Olivier but maybe David Niven, while acting opposite Marcus Allen. Maybe that’s why Allen was added to the cast, to make O.J. look good.

Anyway, here’s hoping that O.J. and the rest of the Bulls slash their way out of training camp soon!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”

Posted on November 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a player’s reputation is on the line. Can he clear his name, even though all the evidence is stacked up against him?

Episode 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 15th, 1986)

T.D. Parker (played by O.J. Simpson) is pissed off! The normally affable former player is angry that someone is dealing cocaine to the Bulls. The press and the commissioner both assume that the dealer is rookie quartebrack Tim Yinessa. (That guy that Yinessa caught searching his room last week? He was a reporter.) T.D. isn’t so sure. He thinks that start quarterback Johnny Valentine (Sam Jones) is responsible for the team’s cocaine problem. T.D. eventually confronts Johnny and tells him to stop with the drugs.

“25% of this league retires injured,” Johnny says, “You’re proof of that.”

T.D. gets so angry that he proceeds to ~~stab Johnny to death~~ punch Johnny in the chest. “Welcome to the 25%,” he says.

No, T.D. Johnny said “retired” players. Johnny’s not retiring yet. Anyway, Johnny was so coked up that he probably didn’t even feel the punch.

As for Yinessa, he nearly gets kicked off the team when the real dealer plants some cocaine in his locker. Luckily, his roommate — Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake) — steps forward and confesses that he was the owner of the cocaine that the reporter found in the room. Diana orders Jamie to go to rehab. “Sure, I guess,” Jamie replies.

While that’s going on, Dr. Death and Mad Dog Smears continued to harass the rookies by ordering one of them to fake a suicide attempt as a part of a practical joke. At the bar where they hang out, they also sang a song against urine testing. I’m not really sure why anyone would want to hang out at the bar, as it seems like the whole place only exists so that Dr. Death and Mad Dog can put on painfully unfunny stage shows. Dr. Death and Mad Dog also told Yinessa that they would kill him if he agreed to random urine testing in order to prove his innocence. Personally, I think Dr. Death and Mad Dog should focus on their jobs. Maybe if they did a better job protecting the other players, T.D. wouldn’t have had to retire. I mean, you can tell it’s really cutting T.D. apart that he can’t play anymore.

So, Jamie is off to rehap, Yinessa is still on the team, and T.D. didn’t have to kill anyone. All in all, it was a productive week. To be honest, it’s difficult to judge this show based on traditional standards of good and bad. Technically, every episode is bad. This week, however, was slightly less bad than usual.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.3 “A Second Chance”

Posted on October 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Things are getting crazy at training camp!

Episode 2.3 “A Second Chance”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 8th, 1986)

This week’s episode featured the unforgettable sight of O.J. Simpson tackling a knife-wielding Don Swayze and saving the life of Delta Burke.

Swayze was playing Clay Daniels, a tight end who was drafted by Coach Denardo, even though he apparently pulled a knife on a professor in college. After Clay threatened Johnny Valentine after he felt Valentine wasn’t throwing him the ball enough, Denardo explained that he drafted Clay because Clay can play football. Okay, Ernie, I guess that justifies having a knife-wielding maniac in the locker room….

After Denardo finally cut Clay from the team, Clay showed up at Diana’s house with a knife. Fortunately, Diana was able to call Denardo and T.D. Parker for help. Denardo showed up and promised he would give Clay a second chance. And then T.D. tackled Clay and grabbed that knife like a pro!

Meanwhile, Yinessa returned to training camp but he was not happy that his friend and roommate, wide receiver Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake), had a drug problem. This episode ended with Yinessa getting into a fight with someone who broke into their room in search of Waldren’s cocaine. An angry Yinessa flushed all of Waldren’s cocaine. Considering that this episode also featured Diana being named Chairperson of the League’s Anti-Drug Committee, I’m sure this won’t lead to any sort of awkwardness with the team.

Much like last week’s episode, this episode was so melodramatic and over-the-top that I couldn’t help but enjoy it. Drugs, training camp, and knives! Will the Bulls make it to the Championship Game a second year in a row? It’s not looking good but, considering that they have O.J. Simpson’s razor-sharp instincts at their disposal, I wouldn’t count them out yet!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma. What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp. All of the players are excited to see him. At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise. He’s the face of the team! When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an ~~acquittal~~ touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker. Where was he last season? The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker. I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room. The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon. Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him. Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it. Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field. Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH! T.D. looks confused. He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee. (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.) Bryce is done for the season. Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup. That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise. They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests. Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s. There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining. That’s doesn’t mean it was good. 1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good. But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine. Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season. It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings. That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows? I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.13 “Super Bull Sunday”

Posted on October 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season one comes to an end with the Championship Game!

Episode 1.13 “Super Bull Sunday”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on February 17th, 1985)

The Bulls make it to the Championship Game!

And lose!

In fact, they lose in spectacular fashion. We don’t actually see much of the game but we do see the aftermath. We learn that star running back Carl Witherspoon set a record for fumbles. Star quarterback Bob Dorsey set a record for interceptions. The offensive line set a record for letting their quarterback get sacked. Coach Denardo blames himself but Diana announces to the press that the Bull will be back next year so …. “LOOK OUT!”

Admittedly, the big game only took up about 5 and a half minutes of screentime. Most of this episode centered around a dumb plot to trick Diana into selling the Bulls to the Japanese so that her ex-husband (remember him?) could swoop in and buy back his team. It was a pretty dumb plan that fell apart easily but, at the very least, it appears that it finally led to Diana firing her duplicitous general manager, Roger Barrow (Clayton Landey), something she should have done at the start of the season.

But let’s give the show some credit. It would have been really easy to just have the Bulls pull off another last-minute victory. Instead, season one ended with the agony of defeat and the actors actually did a really good job of playing up their depression. It can’t be easy make it to the Championship Game and fail.

So, that’s it for season one. It wasn’t really that good of a season but maybe I would feel differently if I was a football fan or if I was a dude. This is very much a guy-centered show. Next week, we’ll start season 2!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.6 “You Are Who You Eat”

Posted on August 20, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Diana makes history!

Episode 1.6 “You Are Who You Eat”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 30th, 1984)

Coach Denardo has a heart attack and is laid up in the hospital. It looks like Diane is going to have to coach the team!

Wait? What?

Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know a lot about football but I do know that there is such a thing as an assistant coach. And there’s also coordinators. There’s a lot of coordinators and a lot of assistants and I imagine that a part of their job entails coaching whenever the head coach is in the hospital. So, I’m not really sure how this episode went from “Coach Denardo can’t coach this weekend” to “The owner is going to have to do it!”

Still, Diana ends up on the sidelines as the “first female head coach in history!” I remember that a few Super Bowls ago, they made a big deal about one of the teams having a female assistant coach and I was like, “Well, they better win or they’re never going to hire another woman.” I think the team lost. I don’t really follow football.

Anyway, Coach Denardo is on the phone with Diana for most of the game but, towards the end of the game, the connection goes down. Denardo runs out of his hospital in his hospital gown and takes a taxi to the stadium. Luckily, even without his help, Diana knew exactly which play to call and the Bulls win another game.

Yay, I guess. This episode was pretty dumb. If I was coaching a football team, I would just be like, “Have that guy run to the touchdown area and then throw him the ball.” I think we would win easily.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.5 “Play Me Or Trade Me”

Posted on August 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, an injury leads to the promise of sex …. or does it?

Episode 1.5 “Play Me Or Trade Me”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 23rd, 1984)

Carl Whitherspoon, the star running back who is always demanding more money, is injured while filming a commercial for a rental car company. (“Call OJ,” the commercial’s director says when it becomes obvious that Carl won’t be able to jump over any more luggage.) The Bulls are struggling and Coach Denardo wants a championship but his star player is out for four weeks!

It’s time to trade! Unfortunately, the only way that the Bulls are going to be able to get the running back they want is by trading their aging quarterback, Bob Dorsey. Dana is upset about losing Bob but then she realizes she can finally have sex with him if he’s no longer a Bull and she decides that she’s okay with the trade.

But then the running back that the Bulls were hoping to trade for is injured so the trade is called off. So, Dana can’t have sex with Bob. But Bob still leads the team to victory. Actually, the team wins because Bubba (Prince Hughes) blocks a field goal with his oversized ass. (That’s not me being rude. Bubba’s weight and the size of his ass is a running theme on this show.) The Bulls are now 5-3 and I guess they don’t need a running back after all.

The main theme of this episode seemed to be that Dana needs to get laid. I liked the chemistry between Delta Burke and Geoffrey Scott. And the scene where Carl injured himself made me laugh just because of Sam Scarber’s over-the-top facial expressions as he crashed into a table. Otherwise, this episode was pretty forgettable.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 1.4 “The Slump”

Posted on August 6, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, cocaine comes to the locker room. Actually, cocaine was probably already there. Now, there’s more cocaine. Football, right?

Anyway….

Episode 1.4 “The Slump”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on December 16th, 1984)

This week’s episode starts off with some full front nudity as wide receiver Mace Petty (Marshall R. Teague) takes a shower with a blonde woman. Suddenly, a bearded man steps into the shower, accuses Mace of seducing his wife, and points a gun at him. OH MY GOD, IS MACE GOING TO DIE!? (And who is Mace, anyway?)

Oh wait, it’s a prop gun. Ha ha, it’s practical joke. Those crazy Bulls.

With the required HBO nudity out of the way, the plot kicks off. The Bulls are in a slump. They’ve lost their past two games! In order to turn things around, Diane makes a trade for a talented wide receiver. (Ha! TAKE THAT, MACE!) Butch Cassidy (Michael Toland) may be a good athlete but guess who has a cocaine addiction!? Butch is soon snorting in the men’s room. When he has to take a drug test, he uses a groupie’s urine instead. When the results come back, it’s announced that Butch is pregnant. Butch is kicked off the team. Maybe the Sundance Kid can take his place….

The good news is that The Bulls still win their next game, breaking the slump. And Bob Dorsey earns Diana’s trust by telling her that Butch has a drug problem. And the Arcola Brothers attempt to keep the Bulls from serving beer at the stadium is thwarted when Diana has a bunch of helicopter fly in the beer. (That way, no one has to cross the picket line that the Arcolas have set up outside the stadium.) Finally, Carl Witherspoon gets a new contract and the rest of the team gets jealous because Carl is now a “millionaire” but then Carl points out that he’s a terrible negotiator and he actually got screwed over on the contract. He then agrees to take the team to Hawaii. No wonder they won that game!

This episode was actually better than the previous three. That doesn’t mean it was particularly good but still it wasn’t terrible. (And that’s what we mean by “damning by faint praise.”) If nothing else, Michael Toland gave a good performance as the cocky but self-destructive Butch Cassidy. I also kind of like the chemistry between Geoffrey Scott and Delta Burke. They’re good together. As far as episodes of bad shows go, this was a good one.