Cold Feet”

Posted on April 9, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, horror royalty boards the Love Boat!

Episode 5.24 “Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mother Along/Cold Feet”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on March 20th, 1982)

For this week, and this week only, there’s a new member of the Love Boat crew. Charlene Glover (Shirley Hemphill) is a nurse who has been sent to give every member of the crew a physical in order to make sure that it’s safe for them to work on a cruise ship. Isaac panics because he has high blood pressure and he worries that he’s going to lose his job as a result. This would seem like a good opportunity for the show to share some tips on what to do if you suffer from high blood pressure but instead, the whole storyline is a smitten Charlene chasing Isaac and Isaac trying to change his medical records. It was a bit mean-spirited since most of the laughs came from the idea of Isaac having to get romantic with someone who was overweight in order to keep his job.

(That said, take your blood pressure seriously, everyone. My Dad had high blood pressure his entire life and it was not easy for him.)

Speaking of mean-spirited, Carter Randall (Richard Dean Anderson) is engaged to marry Muffy (Linda Blair …. yes, that Linda Blair) but he’s getting cold feet. So, he starts leaving her messages and making phone calls to her in which he speaks with a fake Southern accent. There are three Texans on the boat and Carter is pretending to be one of them, hoping that Muffy will fall in love with this imaginary person and then break off their marriage …. WHAT A JERK! And yet, somehow, this plan causes Carter to realize how much he does love Muffy and Muffy is totally forgiving when the truth comes out. Seriously, that’s not the Linda Blair that we all know from such classic films as Savage Streets and Chained Heat! What the heck, Linda?

(I should also mention that Carter’s attempt at a Texas accent was terrible. In fact, none of the actors playing the Texans had a convincing accent. For shame, Love Boat, for shame!)

Finally, Millicent (Betsy Palmer) boards the boat with her daughter, Debbie (Connie Needham). Debbie introduces Millicent to her boyfriend and it turns out that Debbie’s dating some guy who is at least twenty years old than her. In fact, Ted (Gene Barry) is so old that he used to date Millicent! Wow, creepy! Anyway, Millicent and Ted realize that they’re still in love so sorry, Debbie. Ted even says he fell in love with Debbie because she reminded him of Millicent. Somehow, Debbie learns all of this without jumping overboard.

As a horror fan, I enjoyed this episode. Gene Barry was in War of the Worlds. Linda Blair was in The Exorcist. Betsy Palmer was the original Mrs. Voorhies. They really should have aired this episode in October. The stories were terrible but I simply can’t resist an episode that featured this much horror royalty.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.22 and 5.23 “Pride of the Pacific/The Viking’s Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You”

Posted on April 2, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a special two-hour Love Boat sets sail for Alaska and adventure!

Episode 5.22 and 5.23 “Pride of the Pacific/The Viking’s Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, Originally aired on March 6th, 1982)

The Pacific Princess is sailing to Alaska!

The Sea Princess, commanded by the strict and haughty Gunner Nordquist (Ted Knight), is also sailing to Alaska. Steve Bloom (Sonny Bono) of the Cruise Ship Association has arranged for a series competitions between the crews of the two ships. At each stop, the rival crews will compete in races, tree-sawing, tug-of-war, and wrestling. The crew that wins the most competitions will receive a trophy. All of the passengers are really excited about it, though I’m not sure why. I would not want to spend my vacation watching a bunch of strangers take part in a competition that has nothing to do with me.

Gunner is determined to win. Stubing is determined to have fun. Or, at least, he is until his crew is absolutely humiliated during the second competition. When he learns that Gunner has brought in a bunch of ringers, Stubing becomes determined to win at all costs. Only the tears of Vicki can reveal to Stubing that he’s becoming a monster. Stubing realizes that he’s been pushing too hard and he apologizes to his crew. At the final stop, Stubing suggests a dog sled race between him and Gunner. Gunner agrees. Steve Bloom says it’s okay. The crowd is excited for some reason. In the end, Gunner wins the dog sled race and the competition but only because Stubing kindly refuses to take advantage of an accident that occurs during the race. Gunner announces that the trophy properly belongs to Stubing and his crew. Gunner also says that it’s okay if his son (Woody Brown) wants to become a cruise director instead of a navigator. I’m glad that all worked out….

Actually, this whole storyline made no sense to me. Beyond the fact that the passengers were oddly excited about the whole thing, I really didn’t see the point of making the members of the crew compete in stuff like tug-of-war and wrestling. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to compete to see who could be the first to reach the next port? I appreciated that at least some of this episode was shot on location. The Alaskan scenery was lovely but the whole competition storyline was just weird.

There were other storylines, of course. A couple played Charles Nelson Reilly and Charlotte Rae spent the entire cruise in their cabin, getting to know each other because they fell in love at first sight and they wanted to make sure they can handle marriage. (I can think of one big reason why Charlotte Rae marrying Charles Nelson Reilly might not work out but, this being The Love Boat, it never comes up.) Two Harvard researchers (John James and Mary Crosby) tried to come up with a pill that would make shy Dave (Douglas Barr) irresistible to women. Both of those stories were pretty boring. John James was handsome so the show had that going for it.

Slightly more interesting was the story of Harry Meacham (Tom Bosley) and his wife, Dorothy (Michele Lee). As they’re in the process of divorcing, Harry sails on The Sea Princess while Dorothy board the Pacific Princess. Of course, Doc makes his move as soon he realizes the Dorothy will soon be single. While Dorothy has a chaste fling Doc, Harry has a chaste fling with massage therapist Britta (Priscilla Barnes). Eventually, Harry and Dorothy realize they still love each other. Awwww! Yay! This story was sweet.

Otherwise, this was not the most memorable cruise to Alaska that the Love Boat has ever taken. Next week, let’s hope for no musicals and no athletic competitions. Come on, Love Boat, we all know why we’re here!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.20 and 5.21 “The Musical/My Ex-Mom/The Show Must Go On/The Pest/My Aunt, the Worrier”

Posted on March 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time to set sail for adventure, your mind on a new romance. The Love Boat promises something for everyone so welcome aboard …. it’s love!

Episode 5.20 and 5.21 “The Musical/My Ex-Mom/The Show Must Go On/The Pest/My Aunt, the Worrier”

(Dir by Roger Duchowny, originally aired on February 27th, 1982)

I tried, everyone. Seriously, I really did try.

This week’s episode was a musical. It’s not just that the crew of the Love Boat was putting together their first annual crew talent show. It’s not just that Ethel Merman appeared as Gopher’s mom while Carol Channing played Julie’s aunt and Della Reese played Isaac’s mom while Ann Miller showed up as Doc’s former mother-in-law. All of that was fine. The episode was called The Musical and, looking at that guest list, I expected that the majority of this super-sized, two hour musical would feature the crew and their relatives rehearsing. I was looking forward to it. I’m a dancer. Ann Miller’s one of my heroes. Bring it on!

The problem was that the crew also sang and danced when they weren’t rehearsing. Every few moments there was a big production number. Some of them were entertaining. Again, Ann Miller was there and I love watching her dance. But most of the production numbers were pretty bad. It quickly became obvious that the Love Boat crew was not made up of natural-born singers and dancers. Fred Grandy tried really hard whenever he had to sing and he earnest dedication was charming but otherwise, most of the musical numbers fell flat. Each number was followed by wild applause but, seeing as how The Love Boat was not shot in front of a live studio audience, it quickly became apparent that the applause — much like the laugh track — was being piped in. Fake applause just made the whole thing feel …. not right.

I really wanted to like this episode but it just didn’t work for me. If it had limited the singing and dancing to the talent show, it would have been fun. But by turning the entire episode into a musical, it just became a bit too much, an experiment that ultimately didn’t work.

Do I sound like a feel guilty for not liking this episode? Well, I guess I do. Of all the shows that I review, The Love Boat is frequently my favorite and I really, really wanted to like this episode. I could tell that the cast was doing their best. I could tell that they probably had fun shooting this episode. But, in the end, it just didn’t work. I wanted it to work but it didn’t.

Oh well. I applaud the show for experimenting, even if it didn’t quite come together. Next week will be better!

Song of the Day: The Love Boat Theme, performed by WDR Funkhausorchester

Posted on March 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Though I may have had to preempt this week’s review of The Love Boat, I can still express my love for the show with today’s song of the day! As this performance shows, the Love Boat really does have something for everyone.

The Love Boat Will Return Next Week

Posted on March 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone! I’ve been doing weekly reviews of The Love Boat for a while. I really enjoying the series but I’m going to have to hold off on posting my next review until next week. That’s because the next episode is a two-hour musical spectacular and, as I’m busy getting things set up for our big St. Patrick’s Day/Kurt Russell’s birthday celebration on the 17th, I’m not going to have time to watch the whole thing until next week.

So, The Love Boat is preempted this week but it will return next week! We’ll set sail then!

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/16/25 — 2/22/25

Posted on February 23, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yeah, I’m running late with this. That seems to be the theme of my life this weekend but no matter! Here it is, my week in television.

American Murder: Gabby Petito (Netflix)

Netflix’s Gabby Petito documentary didn’t necessarily tell me anything that I didn’t already know about that tragic and awful case. Indeed, I kind of found myself getting angry at the documentary as I watched the endless footage of Gabby because it reminded me that Gabby Petito — and every other crime victim — deserved more than to be the latest subject of America’s fascinating with the morbid and the sordid. (Of course, it’s hypocritical of me to judge as I was the one watching the documentary.) But, in the end, I did feel that the documentary made an important point. There were so many red flags about Brian Laundrie but no one wanted to admit it, not the cops and not Gabby’s friends. Gabby was failed by so many people.

Up until I saw this documentary, I was not convinced that Brian’s family really knew the full extent of his crimes. Now, I’m convinced that they not only knew but tried to help him cover them up. It’s infuriating.

Check it Out! (Tubi)

I reviewed Check It Out! here. I’ll soon be finished with this show and I have to admit that I’m kind of proud of being the only person to have actually sat down and reviewed every single episode.

CHiPs (Prime)

I reviewed CHiPs here!

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I have now started the third and final season of this creepy German show. It’s all about time travel, black holes, and people having nonstop sex without any emotional connection. The architecture is brutalist, the cinematography is dark, and everyone seems to be fairly depressed. It’s very German and very intriguing.

Fantasy Island (DVR)

I reviewed Fantasy Island here!

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about Friday the 13th here!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

I reviewed Highway to Heaven here!

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Evening, Fox)

Chef Ramsay was back in New Orleans, helping out another surprisingly ugly restaurant. Seriously, how can a restaurant succeed when it looks like a trailer? Again, a former football player was brought in to provide emotional encouragement. I will undoubtedly find myself in New Orleans in the future but I’ll probably never eat there.

The Love Boat (Paramount+)

I reviewed The Love Boat here!

Malibu CA (YouTube)

I reviewed Malibu CA here!

Miami Vice (Prime)

I reviewed Miami Vice here!

Monsters (YouTube)

I reviewed Monsters here!

Pacific Blue (Tubi)

I reviewed this stupid, stupid show here!

Scamanada (Hulu)

I finished up Scamanda this week, watching the final two episodes. For all the build-up, the finale was a bit disappointing. Amanda was arrested and convicted and then, for 30 minutes, we listened to a bunch of podcast hosts talk about how they came across the story and went viral with it. I love true crime documentaries but true crime podcast hosts are always so annoying and self-important.

St. Elsewhere (Hulu)

I wrote about St. Elsewhere here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Prime)

I’m nearly done with this show, thank God. I reviewed the latest episode here!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.18 “His Girls Friday/A Wife for Wilfred/The Girl Who Stood Still”

Posted on February 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Love, exciting and new …. come aboard, they’re expecting you….

Episode 5.18 “His Girls Friday/A Wife for Wilfred/The Girl Who Stood Still”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on February 13th, 1982)

Wilfred (Tom Smothers) is a single guy who tells the crew that he’ll pay $10,000 to whoever helps him find a wife on the cruise. The members of the crew each introduce Wilfred to a different woman and soon, Wilfred has five women following him all over the boat. However, when Isaac hears Wilfred bragging about how he conned the crew into doing all the work for him and how he was lying about the $10,000, the crew hires Marilyn (Connie Stevens), who runs the ship’s flower shop, to pretend to Wilfred’s wife.

Ha! Joke’s on Wilfred! No wait, the joke’s on the crew. Marilyn and Wilfred fall in love. Meanwhile, Julie remains single.

Meanwhile, Howard Ethan (Dick Van Patten) boards the ship with his loyal and superefficient secretary, Doris (Rue McClanahan). Doris is a great secretary but when Howard finds out that Cindy Nevins (Judy Landers) is looking for a secretarial job, he tries to figure out how to get Doris to quit so that he can hire Cindy. Maybe he and Doris could just fall in love. Myself, I wonder why people were always doing work while on The Love Boat. Isn’t a cruise supposed to be a vacation? And yet, every episode seemed to feature someone determined to spend the cruise in their cabin and getting some work done. I appreciate the spirit, I guess. I mean, I write film reviews while I’m on vacation so I guess I can relate. But still, if you’re going to pay for a luxury cruise, wouldn’t you at least want to use it as an excuse to forget about your responsibilities on the mainland?

Finally, Bess Hensinger (Vera Miles) boards the boat with her daughter, Abigail (Denise Miller). Abigail is stunned to learn that Bess invited a boy that Abigail likes to join them on the cruise. How will Jim (James Osmond) react if he discovers that Abigail has …. scoliosis!? This storyline was actually the best of the episode, if just because it was the only one where the male half of the romantic pairing didn’t come across as being totally sleazy. Jim was a genuinely nice guy and, needless to say, he didn’t care that Abigail has scoliosis. Denise Miller give an excellent performance as the insecure Abigail. As an asthmatic teenager, I always dreaded the thought of using my inhaler in front of other people so I could relate to what Abigail was going through. I may not have cared about the other two stories but I was happy things worked out for Jim and Abigail.

One good story out of three is usually not something brag about but Abigail and Jim were such a winning couple that they really did make this episode worth the trouble. Despite Wilfred and Howard, this was a good cruise.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/9/25 — 2/15/25

Posted on February 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Abbott Elementary (Wednsesday Night, ABC)

I loved the science fair episode, which I watched on Hulu on Wednesday afternoon! Ava is my favorite character so I enjoy any episode that deals with her troubled past, her unique principal style, and the moments where she actually turns out to be good at her job.

I also enjoyed the latest episode of Abbott, with Ava helping out the other schools and Jacob giving an impassioned speech to the school board that will probably come back to haunt him at some point in the future. After the previous season’s somewhat uneven mix of episodes, it’s nice to see Abbott Elementary going strong again!

Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (Apple TV+)

Erin and I watched this on Thursday. It’s a holiday tradition! You can read Erin’s review here!

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I finished up season two this week. Onward to the season three next week!

Extracted (Monday Night, Fox)

In this new reality show, out-of-shape people go into the wilderness and try not to die. From a control room, their family members watch and debate whether or not to pull them out of the game. On Wednesday, I watched the first two episodes on Hulu. The show is ludicrous but it’s entertaining, as most good reality shows are. I would hope that my family would pull me out after the first ten minutes.

Kitchen Nightmares (Tuesday Night, Fox)

Finally leaving the ugly restaurants of New Orleans, Chef Ramsay helped out an ugly restaurant in Houston. Seriously, how does the show find these ugly places? This time, the restaurant owner got mad at Ramsay and even called him into the storeroom for a talk. Ramsay was still able to get through to her and save the restaurant. Yay!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Tuesday, I watched the second episode of Scamanda, which revealed a bit about Amanda’s background and also her husband. The episode suggested that Amanda based her scam off of her husband’s stepdaughter from his first marriage and her very real battle with Leukemia. Not only does this show how twisted Amanda was but it also indicates that her husband was very much a part of her scheme. The second episode was marked improvement over the first. I’m looking forward to the third.

The Story Behind (Tubi)

I watched two episodes. One featured the story behind Beverly Hills 9o210. The other was the story behind Full House. Neither really told me anything that I didn’t already know.

Super Bowl LXI (Sunday Night, Fox)

The only thing more boring than the game were the commercials. A lot of people are making a big deal about Taylor Swift getting booed at the game. The Swifties are in an uproar but, honestly, it’s an American tradition to boo celebs at sporting events, especially ones who are only there because they’re dating a player. Taylor’s apparent shock at being booed has become a meme but it was actually a very relatable and human moment. I prefer Taylor’s “What’s going on?” to the celebs who either pretend to not to care or the ones who go into a rage mode the minute they have to deal with public opinion.

Watched and Reviewed Elsewhere:

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

Posted on February 12, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s time for another trip on The Love Boat! We’re a little late setting sail today but it happens. Let’s see what’s happening on this cruise….

Episode 5.17 “The Return of the Captain’s Lady/Love Ain’t Illegal/The Irresistible Man”

(Dir by Howard Morris, originally aired on February 6th, 1982)

This week’s cruise is all about people being stupid.

For instance, George Boggs (Dick Martin) wants to embezzle some money from his company but he can’t run the risk of his business partner, Irwin (Robert Mandan), finding out. So, George tells his secretary, Marge (Phyllis Davis), to keep Irwin distracted while George steals the money. However, Marge really does fall for Irwin. This was a very predictable storyline and it suffered from Dick Martin continually mugging for the camera and acting so obviously guilty that there was no way that the entire world wouldn’t have noticed what he was doing. Still, if you’re a fan of sitcoms from the 70s and 80s, it’s always interesting to see Robert Mandan playing a sympathetic character for a change.

Things get even dumber when Doug Bridges (Linwood Boomer) decides that the best way to get Pam (Lydia Cornell) to notice him would be to fake being pulled into a broom closet and kissed by an amorous woman who then, in Doug’s telling of the story, runs off and disappears. Soon, the entire ship is looking for Doug’s mystery woman. Why this would get Pam to like Doug, I’m not sure. Pam’s best friend (Pat Klous) does like Doug so she pretends to be the mystery woman. Of course, Doug can’t reveal that she’s lying because that would mean revealing that he was lying and …. as I said, this story was dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Finally, Captain Stubing’s ex-fiancé, Linda (Pat Crowley) boards the ship and the Captain is super excited! He starts to rekindle their relationship and soon, he’s even thinking of proposing. Yay! Vicki’s finally going to have a stepmom …. oh wait. Hold on. It turns out that Linda’s married and she just boarded the boat and allowed herself to be romanced by the Captain without telling him any of this because …. reasons, I guess? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Linda is not happy with her marriage and is in the process of getting a divorce but she doesn’t tell any of that to the Captain. Merrill thinks that Linda is single and ready to get married. Nope, Linda was just looking for a fling and is not ready to get married again. Poor Merrill! At least he has the crew looking out for him….

Ugh. This episode. Listen, I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief when it comes to this show. Usually, I absolutely love The Love Boat. But usually there’s at least one sort of funny or sweet story to go along with the ones that are less memorable. None of the stories worked on this cruise and that’s a shame. That said, I’ll be back next week. The Love Boat promises something for everyone, afterall.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 2/2/25 — 2/8/25

Posted on February 8, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Here’s a few thoughts on what I watched this week.

Abbott Elementary (Wednesday Night, ABC)

I’m one episode behind as far as Abbott goes. This week, I watched the golf course episode but I still need to watch the science fair episode. I’ll do it tomorrow before the Super Bowl. As always, the episode made me laugh. The show has done marginally better with the gentrification subplot than it did with the charter school storyline a few seasons ago.

Dark (Netflix)

Case and I continuing to watch this creepy German show. This is the only show I’ve ever seen that’s actually held my attention while the characters discuss physics.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox, Thursday Night)

And we have a winner! Kyle’s door open and he is the latest chef to win a season of Hell’s Kitchen. I did like Kyle but I have to admit that I lost interest in this season after both Brandon and Egypt were eliminated. I still can’t see Kyle as a head chef. Brandon had a bad night and Egypt lost an arbitrary contest but I still feel like either one of them would have been a better winner. That said, anyone who has ever tasted my cooking knows that I wouldn’t have even made it past the first 10 minutes of the first episode of Hell’s Kitchen. Congratulations to Kyle on his victory and on proving people like me, who were pretty dismissive of his chances at first, wrong.

King of the Hill (Hulu)

I watched the episode where Bill’s touchdown record was broken and, with Hank’s encouragement, Bill rejoined the high school team in an effort to win it back. “You the man, Bill …. don’t look down at your leg.”

Kitchen Nightmares (Fox, Tuesday Night)

Chef Ramsay was, again, in New Orleans this week. The New Orleans shows have been kind of boring. None of the restaurants have really been that appealing, either before or after their makeover. You have to wonder how many times Chef Ramsay is going to have to invite an ex-football player to come and convince people to do their job. It’s kind of funny how the only thing many of these restaurants really need is for a former member of the Saints to show up for five minutes.

After being bored with the trip to New Orleans, I hopped on Tubi and revisited the Amy’s Baking Company episodes from seasons 6 and 7. Now that was classic Ramsay chaos! I like it when Chef Ramsay is nice to the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen but, when it comes to Kitchen Nightmares, I just want him to rip the place apart!

Scamanda (Hulu)

On Wednesday, I watched the first episode of this NBC docuseries about a woman who pretended to have cancer and who swindled a lot of people out of a lot of money. It was an interesting episode. People pretending to be sick to get money from people is hardly a new phenomena but it was interesting to see not only how far Amanda took it but also how gullible people really were. (They really wanted to believe.) The film did have a few regrettable reenactments, including a truly risible one of a bunch of churchgoers literally throwing money at Amanda’s feet. Still, it’s an interesting story.

Watched and reviewed: