Tag Archives: television

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.7 “Curse of the Mirrored Box”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, it’s all about the voodoo!

Episode 2.7 “Curse of the Mirrored Box”

(Dir by Jon Cassar, originally aired on November 10th, 1996)

Mitch is contacted by Celia (Tracey Ross), the mother of a girl named Annie who Mitch once saved from drowning.  (Ryan is a bit dumbfounded that Mitch apparently keeps in contract with the people that he has saved as a lifeguard and, to be honest, so am I.  I mean, I bing watched Baywatch two years ago and Mitch saved a lot of people!)  Annie (Maria Celedonio) is now a rebellious teenager and has apparently joined a Voodoo cult!

(Seriously, Annie, way to repay Mitch for saving you from the ocean!)

Mitch and Ryan’s attempts to free Annie from the cult bring them into conflict with the leader of the cult, Papa Doc (Adam Lazarre-White).  Papa Doc puts a voodoo curse on Mitch and, as a result, the episode is full of moments in which Mitch goes into a glassy-eyed trance.

For the most part, not much happens in this episode.  It doesn’t take Mitch and Ryan that long to track down the cult and it also doesn’t take them that long to track down a voodoo priestess (Kiki Shepard) who can help them battle Papa Doc.  It’s a bit of slow episode and it’s portrayal of voodoo and its practitioners reaches back to every cliche and stereotype imaginable.  There’s a lot of dancing.  There’s a lot of altars.  There’s a lot of close-ups of Papa Doc chanting.  Basically, it’s Live and Let Die in Malibu, without the swagger of Yaphet Kotto, the charm of Roger Moore, or the otherworldly beauty of Jane Seymour.

But no matter!  The episode works because you haven’t lived until you’ve seen David Hasselhoff pretend to be possessed by a voodoo priest.  The Hoff has never been a particularly subtle actor.  That’s always been a part of his charm.  When you combine his natural style with scenes of him shaking, bugging out his eyes, and trying to shake the evil spirts out of his head, you have a Hasselhoff performance for the ages.

It makes for an entertaining episode, even if it’s not one of the show’s more memorable ones.  Hasselhoff’s possessed performance saves the day.  It’s amazing what a little magic and a voodoo doll can do.

One final note: After being absent for the last few episodes (albeit still listed in the opening credits), both Donna D’Errico and Eddie Cibrian appear in this episode.  Neither really gets to do much, reminding us once again that the show’s writers were never really sure what to do with either Donna or Griff.  Dorian Gregory (who played Daimont) does not appear, which is odd as it seems like Daimont would have been the first person that Ryan would have called once it become obvious that Mitch was cursed.  Seriously, what’s the point of being friends with a mysterious occult expert if you can’t find him when you need him?

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

This week, Charo shows up but Tattoo doesn’t.

Episode 5.5 “Mr. Nobody/La Liberatora”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 7th, 1981)

Once again, we have an episode the features only stock footage of Tattoo shouting, “The plane, the plane!”  Otherwise, Herve Villechaize is not in this episode.

What excuse does Mr. Roarke come up with this week to explain Tattoo’s absence?

He’s hung over.

Seriously, that’s what Mr. Roarke goes with!  He explains to Julie that Tattoo was up very late, helping another guest celebrate a drunken fantasy.  It must be said that Ricardo Montalban seems to be quite amused to be labeling his sidekick a drunk.  Apparently, Herve Villechaize was holding out for more money when this episode was shot and I’m guessing Tattoo being hung over was a “take that” on the part of the show’s producers.  To be honest, it feels a bit petty.

It falls to Julie to help Charles Atkins (Sherman Hemsley) fulfill his fantasy.  Charles is a short man who has been picked on by bullies all his life.  He wants to feel strong and confident.  Julie gives him a potion that she thinks will give him “inner strength” but — whoops! — instead it turns Charles into the world’s strongest man.  As Roarke admonishes Julie for not being specific when she ordered her potion, Charles embarks on a wrestling career.  Can Charles defeat Sampson Smith (H.B. Haggerty), the most savage wrestler in the world?  Or will he instead fall in love with Sampson’s publicist, Carrie Wilson (Vernee Watson) and realize that true strength comes from inside?  We all know the answer.  A more important question is whether Mr. Roarke will ever be foolish enough to let Julie handle a fantasy again?

This fantasy was nothing special.  The comedy was a bit too broad, though I did like the heartfelt performances of both Sherman Hemsley and Vernee Watson.  The main problem is that the whole thing hinged on Julie screwing up in a way that really didn’t make any sense.  Surely, she would have been smart enough to make sure she had the right potion before giving it to Charles.  I mean, not being careful with your potions sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen.  Surely, Mr. Roarke would have kept a closer eye on his goddaughter as she handled her first fantasy ever.  Poor bumbling Julie doesn’t really work as a sidekick.  The show suffers without Villechaize’s snarky attitude.

Villechaize’s absence means that we also miss the chance to see him acting opposite Charo and that just seems like a crime against pop culture.  I have to admit that I was a little worried when I saw Charo’s name in the opening credits, largely because I thought she would be playing her silly Love Boat character.  Instead, Charo plays a world-famous guitarist named Dolores DeMurica, whose fantasy is to go back to the days of Spanish California and meet her ancestor, the famous El Lobo Rojo.  (El Lobo Rojo is basically Zorro but if Fantasy Island’s producers weren’t going to give Herve Villechaize a raise, they certainly weren’t going to pay for the rights to Zorro.)

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised by Charo’s fantasy.  There was a lot of swashbuckling action, Cesare Danova and Alex Cord both gave good supporting performances, and Charo seemed to be energized by playing a character who, while comedic, was not quite as silly as The Love Boat‘s April.  Charo actually gave a pretty good performance here and the entire fantasy was fast-paced and fun to watch.  It would have been even more fun if Tattoo had shown up but it was not to be.

This episode was a mixed bag, with one forgettable fantasy and one entertaining fantasy.  In the end, both fantasies would have been better with Tattoo.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.8 “The Grudge”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch and Baker face their greatest enemy …. frat boys with a grudge!

Episode 2.8 “The Grudge”

(DIr by John Florea, originally aired on November 11th, 1978)

When Baker and Ponch attempt the warn the driver of an RV about the fact that his vehicle won’t be able fit through a tunnel, the driver reacts by trying to speed away.  That’s because the driver is a frat boy and the RV is full of marijuana (or “Cannabis Rex!” as another frat boy puts it).  This leads to the RV not only crashing in the tunnel but also Baker and Ponch busting all of the frat boys for possession.

A few months later, the frat boys are horrified when, despite only getting probation, they are still suspended from college and their fraternity is kicked off campus.  The frat boys decide to get revenge on Baker and Ponch by playing a series of practical jokes.  They send Baker and Ponch mysterious letters.  They toss a bunch of fake money on the highway, causing a slow motion wreck.  They try to disrupt the CHiPs open house, over which Baker and Ponch have been put in charge.

This was a bit of a silly episode.  The frat boys somehow had the ability to always know exactly where Ponch and John were.  For some reason, Ponch and John didn’t do the obvious and bust the frat boys for violating their probation.  Sgt. Getraer, meanwhile, spends almost the entire episode being a jerk.  He puts Ponch and Baker in charge of the open house and then gets mad at them for working on it while on the clock.  Well, when are they supposed to work on it?

The episode did feature one good car crash.  In fact, not only were multiple vehicles destroyed but it all happened in slow motion.  That made up for a lot.  Still, in the end, The Grudge was just a bit too silly to really work.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.18 “French Twist”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett learns an important lesson about trusting the French.

Episode 2.18 “French Twist”

(Dir by David Jackson, originally aired on February 21st, 1986)

An infamous French drug dealer and terrorist named Bandi (Xavier Coronel) has escaped from a Canadian prison and  surfaced in Miami, where he murders an innocent hospital worker and takes off with a van full of morphine.  While Tubbs tries to protect the only witness, a rebellious teenage photographer named Cindy (Shari Headley), Crockett works closely with Danielle Hier (Lisa Eichorn), a French INTERPOL agent who has been sent to Miami by her boss, Zolan (played, in an odd cameo, by folk singer Leonard Cohen).

In fact, Crockett may be working a bit too closely with Danielle because he’s the only person who doesn’t seem to notice that there’s something suspicious about her.  Tubbs feels that there’s something that Danielle is not telling the Vice Squad and he’s right.  While Castillo is under orders to take Bandi alive so he can be sent to face prison in Canada, Danielle has been sent to assassinate Bandi on behalf of French Intelligence.

This is a typically cynical episode of Miami Vice.  The latter half of the first season and the majority of the second season have been full of episodes in which competing government agencies screw up Tubbs and Crockett’s efforts to clean up Miami.  This episode is unique in that the competing government agency is French but otherwise, the theme remains the same.  The War on Drugs can never be won because too many people are benefitting from it.  When watched today, it’s helpful to have some knowledge of what was going on in France from the 60s to the 80s.  Many French terrorist organizations — on both the left and the right — funded their activities through the heroin trade and it’s easy to see Bandi as a stand-in for the infamous ex-OAS drug lords of the era.  As for Danielle, it’s mentioned that one of her previous missions involved blowing up a Greenpeace boat, which is something that French Intelligence actually did around the same time that this episode aired.

This is yet another episode the ends with a fateful gunshot in the night.  In this case, it’s Crockett killing his lover to save his partner.  It’s an ending that doesn’t quite have the emotional resonance to it that it’s had when used during previous episodes, largely because there’s very little romantic or sexual chemistry between Don Johnson and Lisa Eichorn.  Eichorn, who was so good in Cutter’s Way, struggles a bit with her French accent and the final twist involving her character feels a bit too obvious.  It’s hard to believe that Sonny — world-weary Sonny who lives on a boat and whose best friend is a crocodile and who has experienced plenty of CIA duplicity in both Vietnam and Miami — wouldn’t have been able to see right through her.

This was a forgettable episode, one that went through the motions without making much of an impression.  It happens …. even in Miami.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/23/24 — 6/29/24

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, I discovered that the producers of the Dr. Phil show finally enforced their copyright and, as a result, all of the episodes on YouTube were taken down.  That’s a shame.  Regardless of what you may think of the man and his show (and my feelings on both are definitely mixed), old episodes of Dr. Phil made for good background noise.  Of course, I can still turn over to Pluto TV, where they have an entire station that just shows Dr. Phil for 24 hours a day.  But Pluto shows the episodes out of order so, it it’s a two-parter, you’re just out of luck.

In the absence of Dr. Phil, I’ve resorted to using episodes of The Trisha Goddard Show as my background noise.  Trisha’s show (of which there are many episodes on YouTube) was just as trashy as Maury and Jerry Springer but Trisha spoke with a posh British accent, which I’m going to assume classed the joint up for whoever it was who watched these shows when they originally aired.  As I said, I used the show strictly for background noise this week and, to be honest, I quickly got annoyed with Trisha and her holier-than-thou attitude.  So, I guess I’ll have to find something else.

As far as new shows are concerned, I am now caught up with both 60 Days In and Inmate to Roommate.  I’m enjoying the latest season of 60 Days In, largely because all of the participants appear to be losing whatever grip they have on their sanity.  Corey became the first of the participants to tap out, which is good because his growing paranoia wasn’t going to do anyone any good.  As for Inmate to Roommate, the main message here seems to be that, if you’re planning on helping an ex-prisoner adjust to life outside of prison, don’t do it.  What a frustrating show!  The inmates are almost all idiots and the roommates are almost all incredibly naive.  I was not surprised when Devon got arrested on his first day on probation.  Devon’s an idiot.

Finally, I swore I would not watch the Presidential Debate and I kept my word at first.  But, on Thursday night, I took one look at what was being said on twitter and I realized that I had to watch it.  Because I know we have readers of all political persuasions, I’m going to refrain from giving my own feelings about the two men who were on the debate stage.  I’m just going to say, “Yikes,” and assume that you know why.  I have no idea what’s going to happen but I do know that hopefully, in 2028, it’ll be time to finally start electing some younger candidates.  Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with bowing out of public life and enjoying retirement.

Apparently, Big Brother is starting in July.  I am not at all enthused.  After last season, I am pretty much exhausted with the show, the twists, and Julie Chen Moonves.  But I’ll watch anyways, because it’s tradition and the houseguest will hopefully make better background noise than Trisha Goddard.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

The search for cursed antiques continues!

Episode 2.6 “Master of Disguise”

(Dir by Tom McLoughlin, originally aired on November 11th, 1988)

A side job delivering antiques for use in a horror film leads to Micki meeting her favorite actor, the amazingly handsome and charming William Pratt (John Bolger).  And when the film’s leading lady refuses to shoot a scene because of Pratt’s method obsessiveness, Micki finds herself cast as her replacement.  Soon, Pratt and Micki are having a torrid romance.  Ryan feels that there’s something wrong with Pratt but then again, we all know that Ryan has unrequited romantic feelings for his cousin (ewwww!).

That said, Ryan is right.  Pratt is actually Jeff Amory, an actor who was so disfigured that he was previously typecast in horror films.  Amory disappeared after the murder of one of his co-stars, an actress who looked a lot like Micki.  Using a cursed makeup box that once belonged to John Wilkes Booth (“the actor who shot Lincoln,” Ryan helpfully explains), Amory has transformed himself into the handsome Pratt.  Unfortunately, the box needs to constantly absorb blood to work and Pratt has become a one-man murder spree.  (One of his victims is played by Aaron Schwartz, of Check It Out! fame.)  Will Micki become his next victim?

(An interesting piece of trivia: Booth is often described as just being “the actor who shot Lincoln,” but he was actually a legitimate star and a celebrity in both the North and the South in the years leading up to the Civil War.  The youngest and best-looking of the Booth brothers, he was an acclaimed and popular Shakespearean actor who was so handsome that women would flock to the theater whenever one of his show’s came to town.  He was the 19th century stage’s version of Ryan Reynolds.  Everyone who was into theater knew his name, even before he shot Lincoln.  America has seen many assassins who wanted to be celebrities.  Booth was a celebrity who wanted to be an assassin.)

This was an okay episode.  I liked the fact that Pratt was a bit more tormented by his actions than some of the other villains who have appeared on this show and I was also happy that Micki got to be at the center of the action, even if the episode’s script did make her a bit more flighty than she’s ever been previously portrayed.  Ryan’s romantic feelings for Micki are a little bit awkward, seeing as how they’re related but, again, they were necessary to establish why Micki was originally dismissive of Ryan’s concerns.

This episode ended with a bit of trivia, with Jack mentioning that William Pratt was also the real name of one of the gentlest men in show business …. Boris Karloff.  Again, you have to wonder why no one else noticed that is before Jack and why it took Jack so long to mention it.  Still, it’s nice that Karloff got a shout out.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.11 “A Place In History”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

Are you ready to get back into T and T?

Yeah, me neither.

But I made a commitment to review the show so here we go!

Episode 3.11 “A Place In History”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on March 17th, 1990)

Phil (Sean McCann), the new cut man at Decker’s gym, impresses everyone when he throws one solid punch that breaks the nose of a cocky boxer.  Phil tells them that he learned how to take care of himself back when he was better known as Lucky O’Mara.

OH MY GOD, everyone says, LUCKY O’MARA!

Apparently, in the 50s, Lucky O’Mara was a gangster who was famous for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.  His picture was never taken and his mysterious disappearance led to a legend growing all over Canada about what happened to Lucky O’Mara.  (He was the Toronto version of D.B. Cooper, I suppose.)  After the local media gets wind of Phil’s story, he becomes a celebrity.  Everyone wants to interview Lucky O’Mara.  And at least one person — a veteran mafia hitman — wants to kill Lucky O’Mara.

Only Turner, Terri, and Detective Hargrove are skeptical of Phil’s story.  When Hargrove summons Phil to the police station and announces that he’s going to be arrested for a murder that Hargrove says Lucky committed, Phil comes clean and admits that he’s not Lucky.  And it all turns out that Phil wasn’t going to be arrested anyway.  It was just a clever ruse on the part of Hargrove and Terri.

At the end of the episode, Phil is back to working as a cut man and no one at the gym seems to be all that upset about him lying to them.  Phil tells Turner that he actually is Lucky O’Mara.  Turner shrugs.

Wow, what a nothing episode.  The idea was intriguing but the episode did little with it.  You kind of have to wonder how it is that a busy policeman like Hargrove and a busy attorney like Terri have time to fake arrest someone.  I mean, aren’t there real arrests that need to be made?  Worst of all, T.S. Turner spent most of this episode sitting in his office.  He didn’t growl at anyone.  He didn’t threaten anyone.  He didn’t get mad at anyone.  What’s the point of T and T if you’re not going to use the T that most people are probably watching for?

This episode was typical of the third season of T and T.  It didn’t add up too much and Mr. T really didn’t seem like he wanted to be there anymore.  I know how he feels but there’s only a few more episodes to go and I’m going to review everyone of them.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.12 “The Good Doctor”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

It’s time to get back on that highway!

Episode 2.12 “The Good Doctor”

(Dir by William Claxton, originally aired on December 18th, 1985)

This week, Mark is super-excited about Jonathan’s new assignment.  They’re going to be working, as equipment managers, for a pro football team!  Mark’s excited because he loves football and he can’t wait to meet his favorite player of all time, a banged-up, aging guy named Alex Carpenter (Ray Young).

Jonathan, however, is concerned that everyone is on drugs.  Alex is in almost constant agony from his injuries and he’s gotten hooked on the pain pills that are provided to him by the team doctor, Dr. Dan Hickey (Michael Constantine).  Dan is hooked on pills himself, along with being an alcoholic.  Dan is such an addict that he doesn’t even realize that his son, medical student Neal (William Kirby Cullen), is now abusing drugs himself.  Everyone’s an addict and everyone’s in denial.

When Alex gets cut from the team, he is also cut off from his main supplier and soon, he’s tearing up his house while searching for any leftover pills.  (Jonathan appears and loudly encourages him to destroy his entire office while searching, presumably so Alex can see how out-of-control his addiction is.)  When Neal takes too many pills before his next exam, he ends up in the hospital.  And Dan is finally forced to admit that he hasn’t been a good doctor.

Does this episode end at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, attended by all three of the addicts?  You better believe it!

This was pretty much a typical Highway to Heaven episode.  This message was earnest and heartfelt but the direction and the script totally embraced the episode’s already heightened melodrama.  It wasn’t enough for Alex to get upset over not being able to find his pills.  Instead, he had to furiously toss everything around his office (and even break a window) while Jonathan shouted, “WHERE ARE THE PILLS, ALEX!?  WHERE ARE THEY!?”  It wasn’t enough for Dan to overprescribe pills.  He also had to be so drunk that he didn’t even notice when Jonathan materialized in his office.  And, of course, Neal had to OD because there was no way we were going to end this episode without someone being rushed to the hospital.  It was all a bit predictable but the show wasn’t incorrect when it came to discussing the dangers of abusing even prescription medication.  If the show aired today, the enemy would be fentanyl.  Since it was made in 1985, the enemy is instead just generic pain pills.

As often was the case with this series, the acting was a mixed bag but Michael Constantine was certainly effective as the “good doctor,” wandering through his day in a haze of pills and alcohol.  And Michael Landon delivered his denunciation of drugs with a quiet fury that let you know that he meant every word of it.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark help a young man who is living alone.

Retro Television Review: Malibu, CA 1.5 “Photo Shoot”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

I meant to review this episode last week but it was so bad that the prospect of writing about it just filled me with an unending depression.  This week, I’m feeling a little better so let’s give it a shot!

Episode 1.5 “Photo Shoot”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 8th, 1998)

It’s been a while since I posted a review of Malibu, CA and I realize that the show is not a particularly well-remembered one.  It only aired for two seasons and so few people watched that it pretty much ended producer Peter Engel’s reign as America’s top producer of teen sitcoms.  So, here is a quick recap:

Scott (Trevor Merszei) and Jason Collins (Jason Hayes) are twin brothers from New York.  When their mother takes a job in Saudi Arabia (like, seriously, what the Hell?  Is she doing Bin Laden’s taxes?), Scott and Jason move in with their father, Peter (Edward Blatchford), who owns a restaurant in Malibu.  Scott and Jason both have a crush on their next door neighbor, Sam (Gina May).  Sam is friendly but doesn’t seem to really think of either of them in that way.  Sam’s best friend is a lifeguard who is nicknamed Stads (Wendi Kenya, who deserved better than this show).  Stads has a crush on Scott but Jason is the one who she kissed at the end of the previous episode.  Meanwhile, on the beach, Murray (Brandon Brooks) owns the surf shack and Traycee (Priscilla inga Taylor) wears a bikini.

All caught up?

Great!  Let’s talk about episode 5.

Or maybe we could just skip episode 5 because God, did it suck.

Basically, the theme of episode 5 is that Scott and Jason are the two worst human beings who have ever lived.  Scott finally asks Sam out on a date.  Sam accepts, for some reason.  But then a photographer named Devon (Simon Clark) asks Sam if she’s ever done any modeling and soon, Sam is more interested posing for Devon and going to Paris with him than in going out with some smirky frat boy from New York.  This is actually a great opportunity for Sam but Sam’s success would mean Scott not getting what he wants to Scott and Jason spend the whole episode trying to sabotage Devon’s attempts to get a decent picture of Sam.

If this sound familiar, you may be remembering when the exact same thing happened with Zack and Kelly on Saved By The Bell.  On Saved By The Bell, Zack learned the important of not being selfish and supporting Kelly’s dreams.  Kelly went to Paris to be a model but she was back the next episode and no mention was ever made of her time in Paris for the rest of the show.  On Malibu, CA, Scott acts like a possessive creep but he gets lucky in that Sam decides not to go to Paris because Devon tries a line on her about how she’s Cindy Crawford “without the mole.”  Scott gets what he wants but just because Devon turned out to be equally skeezy.

Ugh.  This episode.  There’s a real sense of entitlement to Scott and Jason that is very off-putting.  Entitled teenagers were a mainstay on Peter Engel’s shows but he usually able to temper that by casting likable actors.  With Malibu, CA, he went with two actors who both came across like two smirky, mentally dull frat boys and, as a result, Jason and Scott really do come across as being the worst two people in the world.

As for the rest of the episode, Jason and Stads continued to pretend as if they didn’t like each other while Murray used various new age techniques to cure Peter’s headache.  Even One World had better B-plots.  Bleh all around.

Oh well — at least there’s only 47 more episodes to go….

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.4 “The Last Cowboy/The Lady and the Monster”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

It’s time for another trip to the Island!

Episode 5.4 “The Last Cowboy/The Lady and the Monster”

(Dir by Don Chaffey, originally aired on October 31st, 1981)

For the second week in a row, Tattoo is notably absent in this episode.  He is seen in the stock footage that opens each episode of Fantasy Island.  Shortly afterwards, his pre-recorded voice is briefly heard when Mr. Roarke explains to Julie that Tattoo has been turned invisible so that he can help with the fantasy of another guest who is also invisible.  Seriously, that’s the excuse that the show goes with.  Tattoo is “there” but he can’t be seen.  I can only imagine what was going on behind-the-scenes with Herve Villechaize.  It’s easy to assume that Villechaize was holding out for more money but, to be honest, it’s almost too easy to assume that.  It’s also possible that Villechaize may have just asked for some time off to pursue his career as a singer.

As for the fantasies, the better of the two featured Lynda Day George as scientist Carla Frankenstein, who comes to the island because she wants to clear her ancestor’s reputation for being mad.  Fortunately, the castle of Baron Frankenstein just happens to be on the Island!  In the castle, Carla finds evidence that, rather than trying to bring the dead back to life, the Baron was instead working on ways to extend the average lifespan.  She also discovers that the Baron’s monster (played by veteran character actor William Smith) is still living in the castle!

The Monster is a dignified old soul who has been mistreated every time that he’s left the Castle.  Carla befriends him but again, the Monster is forced to confront the pettiness of the outside world when a corporate spy (Ken Swofford) tries to take both Carla and Julie hostage.  After Carla and Julia are rescued, the Monster retreats to the Castle but Carla promises that she will not only return to see him but that she will also continue her ancestor’s research.  In fact, her company is going to build a lab on the Island and presumably employ the one or two Islanders who aren’t already employed by Mr. Roarke.

This was a Halloween episode so a Frankenstein fantasy feels appropriate.  William Smith played the role of the Monster with a wounded dignity that was actually quite touching.  His lonely existence was quite sad and I was actually glad when Roarke suggested that he and Julie would, from now on, be joining the Monster for dinner.

As for the other fantasy, Joe Campbell (Stuart Whitman) is yet another city slicker who wants to be a cowboy.  Joe thinks that Roarke is going to send him to the old west, as he has done for so many other people with the exact same fantasy.  Instead, Roarke gets all technical and says that Joe’s specific fantasy was to be a cowboy and not to travel to the old west.  Joe finds himself working as a hired hand on a modern-day ranch.  Once Joe stops whining (and it takes a while), he falls in love with widow Margaret Blair (Diane Baker), becomes a surrogate father to Jimmy Blair (Jimmy Baio), and he chasess off an evil biker (Robert Tessier).  In the end, Joe asks for permission to remain at the ranch and Fantasy Island.  Roarke agrees, probably so Joe can potentially replace Julie if she ever asks for a raise like Tattoo did.

This fantasy felt a bit too familiar.  It’s always weird how Roarke will arbitrarily decide to be strict with some guests while letting others do whatever they want.

Anyway, here’s hoping Tattoo returns next week!