Tag Archives: Robert Tessier

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.7 “Juggernaut”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Lee Van Cleef gets a chance to show off what he can do!

Episode 1.7 “Juggernaut”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on March 16th, 1984)

This week’s episode of The Master opens with Max’s totally groovy van driving across what appears to be farmland.  Judging from the mountains in the background, it appears that they are back in California.  (If they did mention their specific location during this episode, I missed it.)  Last week, as you may remember, Max and McAllister were looking for McAllister’s daughter in Louisiana.  Now, they’re apparently just hanging out in California again.  It’s odd that McAllister left behind his life in Japan so that he could come to America to find his daughter but, now that he’s actually in America, there doesn’t really seem to be any sense of urgency when it comes to actually tracking her down.

Inside the van, McAllister informs Max that he’s concerned about the way that Max is always losing his temper and starting fights.  Max promises that there will be no more unprovoked fights on his part.  When they stop in front of a local bar, Max says he’s going to get a beer but he also promises McAllister that he will not be getting tossed through the bar’s window.

Five minutes later:

Now, in all fairness, it isn’t totally Max’s fault that he got thrown through that window.  Max went in the bar and saw Alan Kane (veteran TV and movie bad guy William Smith) harassing Cat Sinclair (Tara Buckman).  When Max told Alan to back off, Alan challenged Max to a fight.  Max was forced to explain that he’s not allowed to fight.  Cat rolled her eyes and then Alan tossed Max through the window.  Seeing that his protegee is in trouble, McAllister enters the bar, beats up Alan, and saves Max and Cat.

Even though Cat is not impressed with Max’s refusal to fight, she still gets in his van and allows him to give her a ride home.  It turns out that Cat and her mother, Maggie (Diana Muldaur), are farmers but an evil land baron named Hellman (Stuart Whitman) is trying to intimidate them off their land.  Alan works for Hellman and, because of him and his thugs, none of the farmers have been able to get their crops to market.

Both Cat and Maggie refuse to accept any help from Max and McAllister so our heroes get back in their totally happening van and try to leave town.  However, when one of Hellman’s truckers runs the love van off the road, the engine is damaged and the local mechanic informs Max that it will take 48 hours to fix it.  Stranded in town, Max searches for proof that Hellman’s trucker was the one who ran them off the road.  Meanwhile, McAllister returns to the farm and, turning on some of that Lee Van Cleef charm, proceeds to fall in love with Maggie.

If any of this sounds familiar, it’s because, with the exception of McAllister falling in love, it’s pretty much the same thing that happened in not only the first episode but also the third episode.  Max and McAllister have an uncanny talent for randomly wandering into towns that are controlled by evil businessmen.  Just as the first and third episodes featured Max giving impassioned speeches about the rights of the workers, this episode features McAllister giving a speech at a meeting in a barn.

While McAllister is giving his speech, Max is getting arrested for snooping around Hellman’s property.  Fortunately, McAllister puts on a fake beard and breaks him out of jail.  McAllister then directs the farmers to form a convoy and to work together to get their crops to market.  Though Alan attempts to set off a bunch of explosives on the way, McAllister uses a cropduster to fool Alan into setting off the explosions early.  Then, Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double beats up Hellman.  McAllister and Max congratulate each other on a job well done.

Having saved the farmers and beaten up the bad guys, it’s time for Max and McAllister to once again continue their journey across America.  McAllister may love Maggie but he still needs to (eventually) find his daughter so he gets in the Chevy van and waves goodbye.

As I said before, this episode felt very familiar.  It’s probably not a good sign that, after just seven episodes, The Master was pretty much repeating itself.  That said, the episode did feature the great William Smith playing yet another rural bully and Stuart Whitman always made for a convincing villain.  With Max sidelined by McAllister’s demand that he stop fighting, Lee Van Cleef got his moment to shine in this episode.  He was obviously frail, making it all the more obvious that his fight scenes involved a stunt man, but Van Cleef still got a chance to show off some of his old school movie star charisma.

Next week: The Master steals the Crown Jewels of the United Kingdom! …. sure, why not?

Future Force (1989, directed by David Prior)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

The time is the future, which looks a lot like 1990s Los Angeles.  Because of out of control crime, the police have been deemed useless and have been defunded.  (Like that could ever happen in real life!)  Seeing a need and a decent profit margin, private enterprise has stepped up.  The law is enforced by C.O.P.S., which stands for Civilian Operated Police Systems.  Not held back by the Constitution or any oversight at all, C.O.P.S. has become just as corrupt and dangerous as the criminals that it battles.  When a reporter named Marion (Anna Rapagna) threatens to do a story about the out of control C.O.P.S., the head of the company hacks the justice system and puts out a warrant for Marion on the charge of treason.  Because of the seriousness of the charge, the bounty hunters of C.O.P.S. don’t have to bring her in alive to get paid.  In fact, they are encouraged to bring her in dead.

Tucker (David Carradine) is weary and disillusioned member of C.O.P.S. but he is still enough of an idealist that he wants to arrest Marion without killing her.  When he discovers that Marion is being set up, Tucker goes out of his way to protect her from the evil Becker (Robert Tessier) and all the other C.O.P.S.  It turns out to be pretty easy because Tucker is apparently the only members of C.O.P.S. who isn’t terrible at his job.   Helping Tucker out is a wheelchair-bound hacker named Billy (D.C. Douglas) and a robotic glove that can shoot laser beams.

A Robocop rip-off that lacks that film’s satiric bite, Future Force takes place in a future where everyone drives cars from the 70s and where every bar is a strip club that looks like it could have been used in the type of movies that used to show up on late night Cinemax.  It’s a future of empty warehouses, deserted streets, and fires in trash cans.  Robot glove aside, the movie’s future is unconvincing even by the standards of 1989.  There’s a lot of car chases and strange gunfights where no one seems to be aiming at each other but there’s also many scenes that were added to pad out the movie’s running time.  Marion gets upset when Tucker ruthlessly kills two people who were trying to kill her but she barely shrugs when she later discovers that the bad guys have killed her sister.  As bad the movie is, give some respect, though, to David Carradine whose general air of “I don’t want to be here, just give me my paycheck so I can go home,” fits his character like a glove.

Cry Blood, Apache (1970, directed by Jack Starrett)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

A group of old west outlaws stumble across an Apache camp.  Though everyone’s friendly at first, the outlaws discover that the Apaches have gold so they kill all of the Apaches except for one, Jemme (Maria Gahua).  They drag Jemme off with them, intent on having their way with her after forcing her to lead them to more gold.  Only one member of the gang, Pitcallin (Jody McCrea), is willing to protect Jemme and treat her with kindness.  (In fact, Pitcallin is such a nice and decent person that it doesn’t make any sense for him to be riding with the outlaws in the first place.)  Meanwhile, Jemme’s brother (Marcus Rudnick) discovers the camp and, upon discovering his family dead, cries and screams for several minutes.  Then he sets off for revenge against the gang.

The best thing about Cry Blood, Apache is that it opens with Joel McCrea, father of Jody, playing the elderly Pitcallin and riding his horse to the where the old Apache camp used to be.  While the old Pitcallin is looking around, he hears the voices of the former members of the gang and then the rest of the film is told in flashback.  This makes it seem like Cry Blood, Apache is going to be about an old outlaw coming to terms with the terrible things that happened in the past.  Unfortunately, Joel McCrea’s only in the movie for about two minutes and since the movie sat on the shelf for three years before it was finally released, it’s probable that his scenes were shot long after the rest of the movie.  Along with starring in the film, Jody McCrea also produced it and Joel probably only agreed to lend some star power to the movie as a favor to his son.  But teasing western fans with Joel McCrea, just to then bring out Jody McCrea is just plain unfair.

Other than the opening scenes with Joel McCrea, the rest of this film is so poorly put together that it’s a struggle to sit through.  Cry Blood, Apache is edited in such a haphazard manner that it’s nearly impossible to follow the plot.  While the gang searches for more gold, Jemme’s brother searches for the gang but the film never makes it clear how close the brother is to finding the gang so there’s zero suspense generated.  Jody McCrea was too naturally amiable to play a believable outlaw.  There was nothing tough about him.  Meanwhile, both Marcus Rudnick and Maria Gahua overact to such an extent that scenes that should be emotionally wrenching become unintentionally humorous instead.

Cry Blood, Apache was directed by Jack Starrett, who went on to direct far better movies than this one.  He also appears in the film as a member of the gang, the bible-quoting Deacon.  Even though he’s got long hair and is considerably younger in his film, most viewers will hear his voice and immediately recognize him as Galt, the sadistic cop from First Blood.

Smashmouth Football: Burt Reynolds in THE LONGEST YARD (Paramount 1974)

Posted on by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

Dedicated to the memory of Burt Reynolds (2/11/1936-9/6/2018)

If it was producer Albert Ruddy’s idea to team macho actor Burt Reynolds with macho director Robert Aldrich for THE LONGEST YARD, then the man’s a bloody genius (Ruddy was no stranger to machismo himself, having previously produced THE GODFATHER)! This testosterone-fueled tale of an ex-NFL star turned convict, forced to assemble a football team of hardened criminals to take on the sports-mad warden’s goon squad of guards, is one of Burt’s best vehicles, and a comeback of sorts for Aldrich, who hadn’t scored a hit since 1967’s THE DIRTY DOZEN . Both men hit the end zone with this sports-themed film, and led the way for an onslaught of football films to come.

Former star quarterback Paul Crewe (Reynolds), who was thrown out of the NFL in a points shaving scandal, finds himself under arrest after fighting with his girlfriend, stealing…

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A Movie A Day #141: Breakheart Pass (1975, directed by Tom Gries)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

California.  The 1870s.  Sheriff Pearce (Ben Johnson) boards a train with his prisoner, an alleged outlaw named John Deakin (Charles Bronson).  The train is mostly full of soldiers, under the command of Major Claremont (Ed Lauter), who are on their way to Fort Humboldt.  The fort has suffered a diphtheria epidemic and the soldiers are supposedly transporting medical supplies.

However, it’s not just soldiers on the train.  There’s also Gov. Fairchild (Richard Crenna) of Nevada, his fiancée (Jill Ireland), the Reverend Peabody (Bill McKinney), and a conductor named O’Brien (Charles Durning).  As the train continues on its journey, it becomes obvious that all is not as it seems.  People start to disappear.  A man is thrown from the train.  Two cars full of soldiers are separated from the train and plunge over a cliff.  There is also more to Deakin than anyone first realized and soon, he is the only person who can bring the murderers to justice.

In both real life and the movies, Charles Bronson was the epitome of a tough guy, so it’s always interesting to see him playing a more cerebral character than usual.  There are some exciting and surprisingly brutal action scenes, including a scene where Bronson fights a cook (played by former professional boxer Archie Moore) on top of the speeding train, but Breakheart Pass is more of a murder mystery than a typical action film.  If Louis L’Amour and Agatha Christie had collaborated on a story, the end result would be much like Breakheart Pass.  Bronson spends as much time investigating as he does swinging his fists or shooting a gun.  It’s not a typical Bronson role but he does a good job, showing that he could think as convincingly as he could kill.  Acting opposite some of the best character actors around in the 70s, Bronson more than holds his own.

Apparently, back in 1975, audiences were not interesting in watching Bronson think so Breakheart Pass was a disappointment at the box office and it is still not as well known as Bronson’s other films.  However, even if you’re not already a fan of the great Bronson, Breakheart Pass is worth discovering.

A Movie A Day #10: The Longest Yard (1974, directed by Robert Aldrich)

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

longest-yard-burt-reynolds

Once, Paul “Wrecking” Crewe (Burt Reynolds) was a superstar NFL quarterback.  That was until he was caught up in a point-shaving scandal and kicked out of the league.  When a drunk Crewe steals his girlfriend’s car, gets into a high-speed police chase, and throws a punch at a cop, he ends up sentenced to 18 months at Citrus State Prison.

The warden of the prison, Rudolph Hazen (Eddie Albert), is a football fanatic who, at first, is excited to have Crewe as an inmate.  The prison guards have a semi-pro football game and Hazen wants Crewe to coach the team and help them win a national championship.  Though initially reluctant and just wanting to do his time, Crewe relents after witnessing and experiencing the cruelty of the prison system.  Crewe forms The Mean Machine, a team made up of prisoners, and agrees to play an exhibition game against the guards.

At first, the members of the Mean Machine are just looking for an excuse to hit the guards without being punished but soon, they realize that they have a chance to win both the game and their dignity.  But Hazen is not above blackmailing Crewe to throw the game.

When it comes to understanding the Tao of Burt, The Longest Yard is the place to start.  Starting with a car chase and ending with near martyrdom, The Longest Yard is the ultimate Burt Reynolds film.  Paul Crewe ranks alongside Deliverance’s Lewis Medlock and Boogie Night‘s Jack Horner as Reynolds’s best performance.  Before injuries ended his athletic career, Reynolds was a college football star and, on the prison’s playing field, he holds his own with the large group of former professional football players who were cast to play the guards and the prisoners.  The Longest Yard’s climatic football game takes up over an hour of screen time and reportedly, the action was largely improvised during shooting.  Unlike most movie football games, the one in The Longest Yard looks and feels like a real game.

The Longest Yard was directed by Robert Aldrich, who specialized in making movies about anti-authoritarians fighting the system.  The scenes of Crewe recruiting and training The Mean Machine are very reminiscent of Aldrich’s best-known movie, The Dirty Dozen.  With its combination of dark humor, graphic violence, rebellious spirit, and Southern-friend melodrama, The Longest Yard is a movie that could only have worked in the 1970s.  The Adam Sandler remake may have made a lot of money at the box office but it still comes nowhere close to matching the original.

For tomorrow’s movie a day, it’s the best film of 2016, which also happens to be about a football player in prison.

thelongestyard

The Origin of Billy Jack: BORN LOSERS (AIP 1967)

Posted on by gary loggins

cracked rear viewer

losers1

The character Billy Jack, star of the wildly popular 1971 film (and its two sequels), made his debut in this 1967 exploitation flick about a sociopathic biker gang and the lone man who stands up to them. Tom Laughlin, a minor figure in Hollywood at the time who had appeared in GIDGET and THE DELINQUENTS, conceived the character way back in 1954. Unable to get his original screenplay produced, he and co-star Elizabeth James banged out this motorcycle drama and he was given the opportunity to direct by American International Pictures, always on the lookout to make a quick exploitation buck.

losers2

The Born Losers are a degenerate gang of outlaw bikers terrorizing the small town of Big Rock. Ex-Green Beret Billy Jack, a half-breed Indian back from ‘Nam, saves a local kid from getting an ass kicking by breaking out his rifle, winds up the one locked up and given 120 days in jail or $1,000…

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Shattered Politics #24: The Born Losers (dir by Tom Laughlin)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Born Losers

For the past few days, I’ve been in the process of reviewing 94 films about politics and politicians.  With that in mind, you may be wondering why, after reviewing films like The Last Hurrah, Sunrise at Campobello, and Advise & Consent, I am now reviewing a 1967 biker film called The Born Losers.

It all comes down to Billy Jack.  In the 70s, Tom Laughlin would write, direct, and star in two hit films — Billy Jack and The Trial of Billy Jack.  In these films, Laughlin played the title character.  Billy Jack was everything that you could hope for in a counter-culture hero.  First off, as an American Indian, he was an authentic American as opposed to just another European intruder.  He was a war hero, who had served as a Green Beret in Vietnam.  He often carried a gun with him, which meant that he understood and supported the 2nd Amendment and good for him!  Billy Jack was also a master of hapkido, which meant that he could kick ass in the most visually appealing way possible.

Even more importantly, Billy Jack called the Man out on his racism and his intolerance.  Billy Jack was an environmental activist before anyone else.  Billy Jack went on vision quests.  Billy Jack was anti-war.  Billy Jack was a pacifist.  And, of course, Billy Jack ended up killing a lot of people but they were all bad guys.

By making and distributing Billy Jack himself, Laughlin became an independent film pioneer and made history.  He also became a counter-culture hero and Billy Jack remains a cult figure even today.  But what a lot of people don’t realize is that Billy Jack first appeared in Born Losers and that, in the little seen Billy Jack Goes To Washington, he eventually ended up serving in the U.S. Senate.

When you consider that Billy Jack would eventually be Sen. Jack, that means the Born Losers isn’t just a low-budget, violent biker film.  Instead, it’s the exploitation version of Young Mr. Lincoln.  It’s a chance to see what Billy Jack was doing before he became a statesman.

(And rest assured, the other three Billy Jack films will be reviewed before Shattered Politics ends.)

As we discover at the start of Born Losers, pre-politics Billy Jack was just an enigmatic veteran who lived in the mountains of California.  When we first see Billy, he’s walking along a grassy hill.  A deer safely runs by the camera.  A rabbit pops its head out of a hole in the ground and looks relieved to see Billy.  If I’m being a little bit snarky, it’s because I’ve seen all of the Billy Jack films and I know how often this exact scene is played out over the course of the franchise.  But, in all fairness, it’s actually a fairly well-done and visually appealing scene and, as an actor, Laughlin had the presence to pull it off.

A far less pretty scene is occurring in the town of Big Rock, where teenagers are showing up to hang out on the beach and are being harassed by a group of bikers, the Born Losers of the title.  The Born Losers are an odd collection of bikers, with half of them looking like extras from Sons of Anarchy and the other half looking like the type of hipsters that I always see whenever I go to a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse.  Their leader (Jeremy Slate) is named Danny but the rest of the gang are known by their nicknames.

(For instance, there’s Crabs.  Why is he called Crabs?  “Because he’s got them!” Danny helpfully explains.)

After the Born Losers rape four girls, they launch a campaign of violence and intimidation to keep the girls from testifying in court.  Billy comes to the aid of one of the girls, Vicky (Elizabeth James, who also wrote the script).  I related to Vicky, largely because she does things like ride a motorcycle while wearing a white bikini, which is exactly the sort of thing that I would do if I lived in California.

Now, there’s a lot of negative things that I could say about Born Losers.  It’s talky.  With the exception of Laughlin and Slate, it’s obvious that the majority of the cast was made up of amateurs.  The final half of the film drags as you wait for an ending that you have probably already predicted.

But you know what?

I actually like The Born Losers.  Hidden underneath all of the exploitation trappings and heavy-handed moralizing, this is a very sincere film.  Whatever they may have lacked in budget or subtlety, Laughlin’s films made up for in sincerity.  And, as strange as it may be to say about a film that features four rapes and is padded out with a thoroughly gratuitous striptease, The Born Losers is not a misogynistic film.  Both Laughlin the director and Billy Jack the character are on the side of the victims of the Born Losers and when the film calls out society for blaming the victims instead of the rapists, it does so with a fury that elevates the entire film above your typical 1967 biker film.

And, while I don’t know if I’d ever vote for Billy Jack, there’s nobody I’d rather have on my side.