Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 1.1 “New Kids” and 1.2 “For The Love of Mother”

Posted on September 1, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

The Cast of City Guys

The year was 1997 and everyone loved TNBC. Well, not everyone. Actually, I imagine that most people over the age of 30 had no idea what TNBC was. But, if you were a kid in the 90s and the early aughts, you knew that Sunday morning was when NBC aired shows like Saved By The Bell, California Dreams, and Hang Time. Produced by Peter S. Engel, these shows all took place in an idealized teen world where everyone was pretty, the schools were always clean, and every problem could be resolved in 30 minutes.

But, in the early 90s, TNBC was struggling a bit. Saved By The Bell: The New Class was not as popular as the original Saved By The Bell and California Dreams had just ended. For his next show, Peter Engel decided to do something a bit edgier than the sitcoms for which he was best known. He came up with City Guys, a show set not in California or Hang Time‘s Indiana. Instead, City Guys would be set in New York and it would feature a multi-racial cast. It would feature two best friends, one black and one white. It would be relevant and edgy while still recycling the same plots that had already been done to death on Saved By The Bell and California Dreams!

It would be City Guys, a celebration of city people!

So, how edgy was City Guys?

Just check out the theme song!

They’re smart and streetwise! They’re the neat guys! They’re the City Guys! Roll with them!

Neat guys?

I can only imagine what that nickname did for their street cred.

Anyway, I admit that I coming across City Guys on Tubi made me feel just a little nostalgic for the days when I would randomly come across episodes of City Guys and Saved By The Bell playing in syndication so I decided to rewatch the show, which was perhaps a mistake because, so far, City Guys has not been as good as I remembered. In fact, it’s been pretty bad.

Just consider the first two episodes:

1.1 “New Kids”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, aired on September 6th, 1997)

It’s the first day of school at Bayside …. oh, sorry. My mistake. We’re not at Bayside and we’re not in Los Angeles. Instead, we are at Manhattan High and we are totally in New York. Don’t let the fact that the show was obviously filmed on the same sound stage as Saved By The Bell and California Dreams fool you. We are totally in the city!

The first episode of City Guys does what a typical first episode does. It introduces our main characters and portrays them as stereotypically as possible. Alberto (Dion Basco) is quickly established as being this show’s annoying sidekick when he rides up to the school on his bicycle and announces that his name is now “Al Rocket!” Dawn Tartikoff (Caitlin Mowery) is established as being the show’s annoying overachiever when she shows up in her first scene carrying a sign about saving the environment. Tina (Gina McClain) is the pretty model who looks down on everyone else and whose character is destined to be dropped from the show after this episode.

And then there’s Jamal (Wesley Jonathan) and Chris (Scott Whyte). Jamal is black and lower middle-class. Chris is white and rich. That’s pretty much all the characterization that the first episode bothers to give them. They’re both transfer students at Manny High. Jamal was kicked out of his last school for fighting but he explains that he was more of a “punching bag” than a fighter. Chris was kicked out of several schools and apparently “flooded the soccer field.” How exactly did he do that? That’s never explained but everyone still seems to be really impressed when they hear about it.

At first, Chris and Jamal don’t get along. Jamal thinks that Chris is a spoiled rich kid. Chris calls Jamal “homey the clown.” The studio audiences loves it, even while future viewers cringe. Jamal bets Chris $20 that he can’t get a date with Tina. The wise and no-nonsense principal, Ms. Noble (Marcella Lowery), decides that the best way to get these two to shape up is to force them to paint the new school mural.

Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a graffiti already on the wall. El-Train (Steven Daniel) has tagged the wall and he threatens to kill anyone who paints over it. In future episodes, El-Train would become a kind-hearted sidekick to the main characters and would serve largely as comic relief. In this episode, he’s the school bully who everyone fears. Jamal tries to avoid angering El-Train by painting around the tag. But then Jamal sabotages Chris’s attempt to date Tina so Chris paints over El-Train’s name because …. I guess Chris is trying to get Jamal killed? That seems like an overreaction.

Fortunately, Chris learns the errors of his ways and, when Jamal and El-Train have their inevitable fight on the roof of the school, Chris confesses that he was the one who did painted over El-Train’s name. Then Ms. Noble shows up and sends everyone back to class, except for El-Train who gets suspended and whose name is revealed to actually be Lionel. Chris and Jamal make fun of El-Train’s real name, no longer concerned about dying because Ms. Noble apparently has the power to magically quash all beefs.

Still, Ms. Noble isn’t going to just shrug off Chris’s attempt to get Jamal killed. She orders the two of them to work as co-editors of the “video yearbook.” Because, seriously, why shouldn’t the yearbook be used as a behavior modification experiment?

The end credits roll. I’m sure these neat guys will have all sorts of adventures over the next four years of high school!

1.2 “For The Love Of Mother”

(Directed by Frank Bonner, aired on September 13, 1997)

Immediately after the opening credits of the second episode of City Guys, it becomes clear that things have certainly changed from last week.

Chris and Jamal have gone from being weary acquaintances to best friends!

Ms. Noble now knows all of the students and speaks to them as if she’s known them for years!

Tina has vanished and been replaced, as Dawn’s best friend, by Cassidy (Marissa Dyan). Cassidy is just as blonde and pretty as Tina but the actress is a bit less abrasive!

El-Train is nowhere to be seen!

For that matter, neither is the video yearbook that Chris and Jamal are supposed to be working on. Instead, this episode centers around Jamal’s sudden proficiency as a keyboardist and Chris’s desire to have a closer relationship with his mom (played by a very chic Susan Anton). When Mrs. Anderson visits the school, she hears Jamal playing the keyboards that he’s just purchased from Al. Mrs. Anderson takes Jamal under her wing and even arranges for him to play at a fundraiser that she’s hosting for the school’s music department. Chris gets jealous because his mom promised to take him to an Eric Clapton concert on the same night of the fundraiser….

Wait …. Eric Clapton? In the year 1997, were teenagers really going crazy over Eric Clapton tickets? Maybe one can excuse Chris for being into Clapton because he’s supposed to be a rich outsider. But all of the other students at Manhattan High are just as excited as he is about the chance to see Eric Clapton perform live. (What 15 year-old in 1997 wouldn’t be excited about hearing Wonderful Tonight live!?) NBC certainly had its finger on the pulse of youth culture! Of course, the main reason why the students are so excited about Eric Clapton is because the middle-aged people who wrote and produced this show would have been excited about Eric Clapton. It’s an example of how City Guys, a show about young people growing up on the hard streets of New York City, was created by people who were neither young nor New Yorkers.

This episode of City Guys also features a Japanese cook, who, of course, has a temper, bows whenever anyone insults him, and who speaks heavily accented English. He’s portrayed as being such a stereotype that I’m surprised they didn’t have someone hit a gong every time he entered a room. City Guys was a show about how whites and blacks should get along but apparently, the message of respect and defying stereotypes didn’t extend to Asians.

Anyway, it all works out in the end. Jamal impresses all the old white people with his music. Chris gets over being jealous. Mrs. Anderson …. well, she remains the same.

So, that’s it for the first two episodes of City Guys. Will the show get better or was I led astray by nostalgia? Check here next Thursday for my thoughts on episodes three and four!

Cannonball Run II (1984, directed by Hal Needham)

Posted on January 1, 2021 by Jedadiah Leland

In 1981, director Hal Needham and star Burt Reynolds had a surprise hit with The Cannonball Run. Critics hated the film about a race from one end of America to the other but audiences flocked to watch Burt and a group of familiar faces ham it up while cars crashed all around them. The original Cannonball Run is a goofy and gloriously stupid movie and it can still be fun to watch. The sequel, on the other hand…

When the sequel begins, the Cannonball Run has been discontinued. The film never explains why the race is no longer being run but then again, there’s a lot that the sequel doesn’t explain. King Abdul ben Falafel (Ricardo Montalban, following up The Wrath of Khan with this) wants his son, The Sheik (Jamie Farr, returning from the first film) to win the Cannonball so he puts up a million dollars and announces that the race is back on. Problem solved.

With the notable exceptions of Farrah Fawcett, Roger Moore, and Adrienne Barbeau, almost everyone from the first film returns to take another shot at the race. Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise are back. Jack Elam returns as the crazy doctor, though he’s riding with the Sheik this time. Jackie Chan returns, riding with Richard “Jaws” Kiel. Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. return, playing barely disguised versions of themselves. They’re joined by the surviving members of the Rat Pack. Yes, Frank Sinatra is in this thing. He plays himself and, from the way his scenes are shot, it’s obvious they were all filmed in a day and all the shots of people reacting to his presence were shot on another day. Shirley MacClaine also shows up, fresh from having won an Oscar. She plays a fake nun who rides with Burt and Dom. Burt, of course, had a previous chance to co-star with Shirley but he turned down Terms of Endearment so he could star in Stroker Ace. Cannonball Run II finally gave the two a chance to act opposite each other, though no one would be winning any Oscars for appearing in this film.

Say what you will about Hal Needham as a director, he was obviously someone who cultivated a lot of friendships in Hollywood because this film is jam-packed with people who I guess didn’t have anything better to do that weekend. Telly Savalas, Michael V. Gazzo, Henry Silva, Abe Vigoda, and Henry Silva all play gangsters. Jim Nabors plays Homer Lyle, a country-fried soldier who is still only a private despite being in his 50s. Catherine Bach and Susan Anton replace Adrienne Barbeau and Tara Buckman as the two racers who break traffic laws and hearts with impunity. Tim Conway, Don Knotts, Foster Brooks, Sid Caesar, Arte Johnson, Mel Tillis, Doug McClure, George “Goober” Lindsey, and more; Needham found room for all of them in this movie. He even found roles for Tony Danza and an orangutan. (Marilu Henner is also in the movie so I guess Needham was watching both Taxi and Every Which Way But Loose while casting the film.) Needham also came up with a role for Charles Nelson Reilly, who is cast as a mafia don in Cannonball Run II. His name is also Don so everyone refers to him as being “Don Don.” That’s just a typical example of the humor that runs throughout Cannonball Run II. If you thought the humor of It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World was too subtle and cerebral, Cannonball Run II might be right up your alley.

The main problem with Cannonball Run II is that there’s not much time spent on the race, which is strange because that’s the main reason why anyone would want to watch this movie. The race itself doesn’t start until 45 minutes into this 108 minute film and all the racers are quickly distracted by a subplot about the Mafia trying to kidnap the Sheik. Everyone stops racing so that Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. can disguise themselves as belly dancers to help rescue the Sheik. By the time that’s all been taken care of, there’s only 10 minutes left for everyone to race across the country. After a montage of driving scenes and a cartoon of an arrow stretching across the nation (the cartoon was animated by Ralph Bakshi!), we discover who won the Cannonball and then it’s time for a montage of Burt and Dom blowing their lines and giggling. Needham always ended his films with a montage of everyone screwing up a take and it’s probably one of his most lasting cinematic contributions. Every blooper reel that’s ever been included as a DVD or Blu-ray extra owes a debt of gratitude to Hal Needham. Watching people blow their lines can be fun if you’ve just watched a fun movie but watching Burt and Dom amuse themselves after sitting through Cannonball Run II is just adding insult to injury. It feels less like they’re laughing at themselves and more like they’re laughing at you for being stupid enough to sit through a movie featuring Tony Danza and an orangutan.

The dumb charm of the first Cannonball Run is nowhere to be found in this sequel and, though the film made a profit, the box office numbers were still considered to be a disappointment when compared to the other films that Reynolds and Needham collaborated on. Along with Stroker Ace, this is considered to be one of the films that ended Reynolds’s reign as a top box office attraction. Cannonball Run II was also the final feature film to feature Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra. This could be considered the final Rat Pack film, though I wouldn’t say that too loudly.

Cannonball Run II is a disappointment on so many levels. It’s hard to believe that the same director who did Smokey and the Bandit and Hooper could be responsible for the anemic stunts and chases found in this movie. The cast may have had a good time but the audience is left bored. Stick with the first Cannonball Run.

An Olympic Film Review: Goldengirl (dir by Joseph Sargent)

Posted on February 13, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1979 film Goldengirl is a film that I had wanted to see ever since I first came across this trailer on one of the 42nd Street Forever compilation DVDs:

Wow, I wondered. What was Goldengirl’s secret and why was she ordering James Coburn to kiss her feet? For that matter, why did James Coburn have a haircut that made him look exactly like this old lady who used to live next door to my grandma in Fort Smith? What did it all have to do with the villain from The Spy Who Loved Me and just how drunk was Robert Culp when he shot his scenes? Even more importantly, why did Goldengirl keep running into that wall? That looked painful!

I did some research. (That’s a fancy way of saying that I looked the movie up on Wikipedia.) I discovered that Goldengirl was made in 1979. It was originally meant to be a television miniseries that would not only air during the 1980 Summer Olympics but which would feature Goldengirl competing at those Olympics! However, during production, it was decided to just use the material for a feature film instead. (Hmmmm, I thought, behind-the-scenes drama! Intriguing!) The film was released in June of ’79 and, despite one rave review from Vincent Canby in the New York Times, the film failed at the box office. Add to that, the U.S. ultimately boycotted the 1980 summer games, which made Goldengirl‘s Olympic-set climax a bit awkward.

I also discovered that Goldengirl is nearly impossible to see. It’s never been released on DVD or Blu-ray or any digital or streaming service. So, I resigned myself to the fact that I’d probably never see Goldengirl and, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really didn’t care that much.

However, for the past few days, I have been absolutely obsessed with the Winter Olympics. Even though it was a Summer Olympic movie, I decided to go on YouTube and see if anyone had uploaded Goldengirl since I last checked.

And guess what?

They had!

Now, here’s the problem. The two guys who uploaded Goldengirl also talked over the entire movie. Don’t get me wrong. The movie looked about as good as a VHS copy of a movie from 1979 is ever going to look. And I could still follow Goldengirl‘s story, even if I sometimes had to really strain to hear the dialogue over the two guys “commenting” on it. Still, it meant that I had to put a bit more effort into watching this movie than it perhaps deserved. It was kinda hard not to resent that.

Anyway, I have finally seen Goldengirl and I can now tell you that it’s a pretty lousy movie. Goldengirl is Goldine (Susan Anton). Her father is a German scientist who used to work for the Nazis. When he came to the United States, he decided to prove that his theories of eugenics were correct by adopting a daughter and breeding her to be the world’s greatest athlete. Working with a psychiatrist named Dr. Lee (Leslie Caron, for some reason), they have not only turned Goldine into the world’s greatest athlete but they’ve also turned her into a bright, smiling media personality. (Dr. Lee has trained Goldine, through the use of a vibrator, to always give the right answer when she’s asked a question.) Now, they just need Goldine to win three gold medals at the Summer Olympics and for PR agent Jack Dryden (James Coburn) to make Goldine into a star. Dryden is the only person who really cares about Goldine as something other than an experiment or a way to make money.

Goldine spends almost the entire movie running. There’s one running montage that seems to go on forever. Susan Anton was a model when she was cast as Goldine. She’s got the right look to be a celebrity but she’s never convincing as an Olympic-class athlete. Whenever Goldine competes, we either get a close-up of Anton running in slow-motion with no other runners around her or else a long-shot that’s designed to keep us from noticing that Anton isn’t really on the track.

Really, that’s entire film. On the basis of the trailer, I was expecting that Goldengirl would turn out to be a robot or something like that. Instead, it just turns out that her stepfather has spent years injecting her with vitamins and hormones and now, as a result, she has diabetes. Seriously, that’s it. She gets pretty mad when she finds out that her handlers have put her health at risk just so she could win a race. But then she goes ahead and runs the race anyway so I guess it was all for the best. Seriously, that’s the entire freaking movie. It doesn’t help that Anton’s acting is amateurish and the rest of the cast seems bored. Only Curt Jurgens really makes much of an impression, mostly because he’s too sinister not to be memorable.

The trailer is better than the movie. That’s the secret of Goldengirl.