6 Reviews of 6 More Films That Were Released in 2013: The Company You Keep, Dracula 3D, Getaway, Identity Thief, Pawn, Welcome to the Punch

Posted on December 25, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In part of my continuing effort to get caught up on my 2013 film reviews, here are 6 more reviews of 6 more films.

The Company You Keep (dir by Robert Redford)

Shia LeBeouf is a journalist who discovers that attorney Bill Grant (Robert Redford) is actually a former 60s radical who is still wanted by the FBI for taking part in a bank robbery in which a security guard was killed. In one of those coincidences that can be filed directly under “Because it was convenient for the plot,” LeBeouf’s girlfriend (Anna Kendrick) works for the FBI. Anyway, all of this leads to Grant going on the run and meeting up with a lot of his former radical colleagues (all of whom are played by familiar character actors like Susan Sarandon, Nick Nolte, Richard Jenkins, and Julie Christie). Ben pursues him and discovers that Grant could very well be innocent and … oh, who cares? The Company You Keep is a big smug mess of a film. It’s full of talented actors — like Stanley Tucci, Brendan Gleeson, and Brit Marling (who, talented as she may be, is actually kinda terrible in this film) — but so what? I lost interest in the film after the first 20 minutes, which was a problem since I still had 101 more minutes left to go.

Has there ever been a movie that’s actually been improved by the presence of Shia LeBeouf?

Dracula 3D (dir by Dario Argento)

Dario Argento’s version of the classic Dracula tale got terrible reviews when it was briefly released here in the States but I happen to think that it was rather underrated. No, the film can not compares to classic Argento films like Deep Red, Suspiria, and Tenebre. However, the film itself is so shamelessly excessive that it’s impossible not to enjoy on some level. The film’s moody sets harken back to the classic gothic villages of the old Hammer films, Thomas Kretschman turns Dracula into the type of decadent European aristocrat who you would expect to find doing cocaine in 1970s New York, and Rutger Hauer is wonderfully over-the-top as Van Helsing. Yes, Dracula does turn into a giant preying mantis at one point but if you can’t enjoy that then you’re obviously taking life (and movies) too seriously.

Getaway (dir by Courtney Solomon)

I saw Getaway during my summer vacation and the main thing I remember about the experience is that I saw it in Charleston, West Virginia. Have I mentioned how in love I am with Charleston? Seriously, I love that city!

As for the movie, it was 90 minutes of nonstop car chases and crashes and yet it somehow still managed to be one of the dullest films that I’ve ever seen. Ethan Hawke’s wife is kidnapped by Jon Voight and Hawke is forced to steal a car and drive around the city, doing random things. Along the way, he picks up a sidekick played by Selena Gomez. Hawke and Voight are two of my favorite actors and, on the basis of Spring Breakers, I think that Gomez is a lot more talented than she’s given credit for. But all of that talent didn’t stop Getaway from being forgettable. It’s often asked how much action is too much action and it appears that Getaway was specifically made to answer that question.

Identity Thief (dir by Seth Gordon)

My best friend Evelyn and I attempted to watch this “comedy” on Saturday night and we could only get through the first hour before we turned it off. Jason Bateman’s a great actor but, between Identity Thief and Disconnect, this just wasn’t his year. In this film, Bateman is a guy named Sandy (Are you laughing yet? Because the movie really thinks this is hilarious) whose identity is stolen by Melissa McCarthy. In order to restore both his credit and his good name, Bateman goes down to Florida and attempts to convince McCarthy to return to Colorado with him. The film’s “humor” comes from the fact that McCarthy is sociopath while Bateman is … not.

It’s just as funny as it sounds.

Pawn (dir by David Armstrong)

An all-night diner is robbed by three thieves led by Michael Chiklis and, perhaps not surprisingly, things do not go as expected. It turns out that not only does Chilklis have a secret agenda of his own but so does nearly everyone else in the diner. Pawn is a gritty little action thriller that’s full of twists and turns. Chiklis gives a great performance and Ray Liotta has a surprisingly effective cameo.

Welcome to the Punch (dir by Eran Creevy)

In this British crime drama, gangster Jacob (Mark Strong) comes out of hiding and returns to London in order to get his son out of prison. Waiting for Jacob is an obsessive police detective (James McAvoy) who is determined to finally capture Jacob.

In many ways, Welcome To The Punch reminded me a lot of Trance and n0t just because both films feature James McAvoy playing a morally ambiguous hero. Like Trance, Welcome to the Punch is something of a shallow film but Eran Creevy’s direction is so stylish and Mark Strong and James McAvoy both give such effective performances that you find yourself entertained even if the film itself leaves you feeling somewhat detached.

Trailer: Dracula 3D

Posted on September 20, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D premiered at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, the reviews were almost universally negative.

But you know what?

I don’t care.

When it comes to a film like this, the critics don’t matter. Does anyone seriously think that any mainstream critic is going to give a film directed by Dario Argento a chance? No way. Film snobs hate Argento but even Argento’s worst films are usually more entertaining than anything Michael Bay has ever come up with.

What’s important is that Dracula 3D is a vampire film that’s coming out in October and, judging from the trailer, it appears that it will feature Rutger Hauer going overboard in that wonderful way that only Rutger Hauer can.

Dracula 3D will be in American theaters on October 4th. See you there!

Review: True Blood 6.10 “Radioactive”

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Eric better not be dead!

A lot happened on tonight’s sixth season finale of True Blood. Along with wrapping up Warlow and Billith’s storylines, it also set up what’s presumably going to be season 7’s major storyline. A lot of strange things have happened over the past two seasons of True Blood and tonight’s finale promised both a return to normalcy and a new beginning.

And with all that in mind, my number one reaction to tonight’s finale was this:

ERIC BETTER NOT BE FREAKING DEAD!

Admittedly, when we last saw Eric, things did not look good.

Warlow, having revealed himself to be just as evil as we all knew he was and refusing to allow Sookie to back out of their arranged marriage, was finally killed by Sookie’s grandfather (Rutger Hauer), who, in this best tradition of dues ex machina, managed to pop out of his little prison dimension and drive a stake through Warlow’s heart. Warlow dissolved into red goo and, with the death of Warlow, all of the vampires who had drank his blood lost their ability to walk in the daylight.

The majority of the show’s vampires were safely inside when this happened. However, Eric was sunbathing naked in the Swiss Alps and, as he lost his special Warlow powers, he burst into flames.

A collective cry went up on twitter as thousands of Eric fans (present company included) tweeted out a massive: “NOOOOOOOO! NOT ERIC!”

However, there is hope. The scene cut away from Eric before we actually saw him explode. So, maybe Eric managed to bury himself in the show. Maybe he ran into a nearby cave. Maybe Lillith reached out and saved Eric’s life.

As far as I’m concerned, until I see definite proof of his true death, Eric lives!

Warlow’s demise occurred about halfway through tonight’s finale. At that point, season 6 officially ended. Warlow’s gone. The vampires can no longer walk in the day. Bill, having refused to go off with Lillith’s sirens, is finally starting to act like Bill again. And hopefully, Eric’s not dead.

The second half of the episode felt like a preview for season 7. We jumped ahead 6 months into the future and we discover the following:

Sookie is living with Alicide. (You go, girl!)

Sam is now married to annoying Nicole and is mayor of Bon Temps.

Andy is still very protective of his last remaining daughter.

Bill Compton is now a published author. He’s written a book about his experiences as a God. In the book, he writes about ripping the Governor’s head off of his body. He also reveals that Hep V was a creation of the government.

Hep V, meanwhile, has become an epidemic. Although only vampires are killed by it, the virus can live in humans as well. Mayor Sam arranges for a human/vampire mixer so that the citizens of Bon Temps can pair up — one human to a vampire.

And while everyone in town gets acquainted, an army of infected vampires shambles towards the gathering like zombies from a George Romero film…

And that’s how season 6 ends.

So, what did everyone think of season 6? I thought it was one of the better seasons of True Blood and a definite improvement on season 5. That said, I was definitely happy to see Bill acting like Bill again at the end of tonight’s episode.

Hopefully, Season 7 will start with Eric showing up on Bill’s front porch and saying, “The weirdest thing happened in Switzerland…”

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Unofficial scene count: 45
As fun as it was to see all the daywalking vampires happy at the start of tonight’s episode, I’m kinda glad that they lost that power. I’m not sure how many more scenes of vampires playing volleyball I could take.
My first tweet after the end of this episode: “Fuck you, #Newsroom! I’m too concerned about Eric on #TrueBlood to care about some maniacal news anchor!”
Alcide was wearing the word’s worst wig at the start of tonight’s episode.
I had forgotten all about that whiny scientist until he showed back up tonight.
Again, we never saw Eric explode into red goo. That’s the important thing.
“You don’t want a vampire bride! You want a faerie vampire bride!”
I’ve had a lot of fun reviewing True Blood this season. I look forward to doing it again next season. Thanks for reading!

Review: True Blood 6.4 “At Last”

Posted on July 7, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(BEWARE! SPOILERS!)

I knew it!

Seriously, I suspected the truth from the minute that Ben (Ryan Kazinsky) conveniently first showed up. And it was even more obvious when Niall (Rutger Hauer) just happened to find Ben hanging out in that field.

Even before I saw Ben open up his veins and allow his blood to drip into Jason’s open mouth at the beginning of tonight’s episode, I knew that Ben was Warlow.

Fortunately, for once, Sookie (Anna Paquin) figured things out ahead of time as well. After inviting Ben to her house for dinner, Sookie ended up in her underwear, straddling Warlow on the couch, and holding a ball of deadly faerie light in her hand.

Of course, before all this happened, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) ended up drinking Warlow’s blood and then started having a dream where he helped Warlow shave. (Jason’s panicked reaction — and the way Kwanten played that panic — was a definite highlight of tonight’s episode.)

Niall (Rutger Hauer) also attempted to kill Warlow but, for all of his trouble, he ended up getting tossed into another dimension. Hopefully, this won’t be the end of Niall because Rutger Hauer’s permanently disheveled appearance has been a highlight of the season so far.

As I said, I’m not surprised that Ben turned out to be Warlow. His sudden appearance at Bon Temps was just too convenient. I am, however, happy that Sookie figured everything out on her own for once.

While the revelation of Ben’s true identity was the main thing that happened last night, it was hardly the only thing. It wouldn’t be True Blood if there weren’t a hundred little subplots running through every episode.

First off, in the storyline that I really don’t care about, Alcide and the werewolves continued to search for Emma while Sam and Nicole continued to bond. I’m not a huge fan of Nicole’s self-righteous character, nor am I that happy about the idea of Sam getting a new love interest when it’s only been a few days since Luna died. I also don’t care much for the one-dimensional way that Alcide’s been portrayed this season.

Far more interesting was what went on between Eric and Willa Burrell tonight. Having escaped from the governor’s storm troopers, Willa asked Eric to turn her into a vampire. Eric proceeded to do just that in a scene that proves — as if there was any doubt — that nobody makes blood sucking as sexy as Alexander Skarsgard. If season 5 underused Eric, season 6 is definitely making up for it!

Once Willa was transformed into a vampire, Eric ordered her to go to her father and show him what she had become. This angered the previously virginal Willa who, now that she had been transformed into a vampire, had discovered the joys of being decadent. However, Eric pulled the “as your maker, I order you” card and Willa went to confront her father.

When Willa arrived at the governor’s mansion, she discovered Gov. Burrell (Arliss Howard) with his lover, Sarah Newlin (Anna Camp). The governor was shocked by what had been done to his daughter and, for a few brief moments, it was obvious that the usually smooth Burrell had no idea what to do. However, Sarah handled Burrell’s hesitation by grabbing a gun and shooting Willa with a silver bullet.

Meanwhile, Bill (Stephen Moyer) has kidnapped Dr. Takahashi, imprisoned him in a laboratory and ordered him to synthesize a new form of blood. Bill sent Jessica (Deboran Ann Woll) to kidnap Andy’s (Chris Bauer) four faerie daughters. Andy’s daughters, of course, are aging at the rate of several years a day and, by the time Jessica tracked them down, they had magically transformed from being a group of mildly bratty 12 year-old to a bunch of wild teenagers.

(While I’ve been critical of this storyline in the past, tonight’s episode made perfect use of the faerie girls, as both a plot device and as a symbol of the parental fear of waking up to discover that your children have become strangers. Add to that, there are four wild faerie girls and there are four Bowman sisters. A coincidence, you say? Well … yeah, probably…)

However, after getting the faeries to the mansion, Jessica lost control and ended up attacking all four of them. As tonight’s episode came to an end, Jessica and Bill were in the mansion, surrounded by four apparently dead faeries. Meanwhile, Andy — having figured out where his daughters were taken — was outside, holding a silver-loaded shotgun and demanding that Bill come outside.

And that’s how things ended tonight. Between Eric being all sexy and dangerous, Sookie seducing Warlow, and Jason acting like Jason, it was a pretty good episode.

But, seriously, here’s hoping that Rutger Hauer isn’t gone for good…

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Scene Count: 52
For those keeping count, the latest two vampires to be captured and arrested for breaking curfew are Nora and Pam.
Gerald Webb, one of my favorite actors and a veteran of several Asylum and SyFy films, had a small role in tonight’s episode!
Rutger Hauer kicks so much ass. He needs a show next fall where he solves crimes.
I loved how hyper Jason was after he first woke up.
I related to Andy’s faerie daughters tonight. Waking up and discovering that you apparently developed big boobs overnight? I know what that’s like.
Sam made a regal horse, didn’t he?
“We might be thirty by the time we wake up!”
“Is it going to hurt?” “Not the way I do it.”
“What happens next? Are we going to fuck!?”

Review: True Blood 6.3 “You’re No Good”

Posted on June 30, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I just finished watching the latest episode of True Blood and I have to admit that I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, Bill’s acting evil again and I hate it when Bill acts evil.

On the other hand, Eric is being all dangerous and sexy and you know how much I love that.

So, as often happens when it comes to True Blood, I’m conflicted.

After spending most of the previous episode in a catatonic state, Bill spent most of this latest episode acting like a jerk. First off, he decided to test his new powers by standing outside while the sun rose and ignoring Jessica as she pleaded with him to come back inside. At first, it looked like Bill might actually be onto something but then the sun actually rose, Bill burst into flames, and barely managed to make it back inside the mansion.

Once Bill had healed, he sent Jessica to kidnap one of the men who first created true blood so that Bill could force the man to synthesize a new type of blood. Not surprisingly, this involved Jessica dressing up all trampy (though I have to say that I own that same outfit and I’m thinking about being Jessica for Halloween this year, again) and flirting with the man until they were alone and she could grab him.

Bill’s plan also involved finding the perfect donor for this new blood and, as always, this led to him showing up at Sookie’s. Even though Sookie refused to invite him in, Bill was able to enter her house and cause Jason to float in the air while he talked to Sookie. Only after Sookie emphatically refused to be his donor did Bill leave the house.

However, Sookie isn’t the only faerie around. As Bill walks back to his home, he runs into dumbass Andy. While Andy explains to Bill that the governor’s curfew is in effect, he lets slip that he now has four half-faerie daughters. A small smile comes to Bill’s lip as he congratulates Andy on his luck.

See what I mean? Bill is acting totally evil!

Meanwhile, Eric has gained entry to the bedroom of Willa, the Governor’s daughter. Despite initially saying that he’s going to kill her, Eric instead kidnaps her and, with the reluctant help of Pam and Tara, holds her prisoner. Willa (who actually looks a lot like Eric’s “sister,” Nora) doesn’t really seem to mind the idea of being Eric’s prisoner and you know what? I don’t blame her! Seriously, for those of us who love True Blood when Eric is being all sexy and dangerous, tonight’s episode was for us!

Along with all of that, we also had Niall (played, perfectly, by Rutger Hauer) attempting to recruit a faerie army so that he could defeat Warlow. However, it turned out that Warlow had already found most of the faeries before Niall did. The only faerie that Niall was able to find and recruit was Ben, who — with Bill crazy and Eric kidnapping — appears to be destined to become Sookie’s love interest for the season.

Speaking of love interests, Nicole and those annoying activists showed up in tonight’s episode but the majority of them ended up getting killed by the werewolves. A wounded Nicole was last spotted (by Sam, who was there to rescue Emma) stumbling into the woods. Saying that Nicole needed their help, Sam followed after her. As I said last week, I think Sam could do better.

And finally — Rev. Newlin’s back! In case you were wondering what happened to everyone’s favorite spokesvamp, he’s currently being held prisoner and interrogated about Eric by the creepiest government doctor that I’ve ever seen.

As I said, I had mixed feelings about tonight’s episode. On the one hand, I could tell that it was obviously laying the groundwork for something pretty spectacular. On the other hand, Bill’s evil and I don’t want that.

So, as of this writing, I’m conflicted but hopefully, things will be a bit more clear after next week.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Unofficial scene count: 58
Alexander Skarsgard is so freaking hot. I know I point that out a lot but seriously…
Whenever I watch True Blood, I’m reminded of how happy I am that I don’t cry bloody tears.
Did anybody else instantly hate Nicole’s boyfriend?
Unlike Jessica, I was actually surprised when Bill burst into flames.
As far as fan service goes, I got Eric seducing the governor’s daughter and Arleigh got Jessica’s entrance at the lecture.
“The girl is sleeping with me because I don’t trust you not to kill her!”
“Fuckin’ science!”
“Do they have names?” “Right now, I’m just using numbers. It seems to work.”
“You’re not God, Bill. You’re just an asshole!”

Review: True Blood 6.2 “The Sun” (dir by Daniel Attias)

Posted on June 23, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

After last week’s anemic season premiere, I have to admit that I was a bit worried about the direction of season 6 of True Blood. I watched that episode and I thought to myself, “I don’t want to have to spend an entire season with Bill acting weird, Eric not having sex with Sookie, and Jason chasing around Rutger Hauer.”

What a difference a week can make!

Tonight’s episode was a return to form for True Blood. Tonight’s episode reminded me of what made me fall in love with this show in the first place. In short, tonight’s episode was True Blood the way I wanted it to be.

It helps that this episode featured a lot of Eric acting like Eric. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

First off, tonight’s biggest revelation was that, despite what he said last week, Rutger Hauer is not Warlow. Instead, he’s Sookie and Jason’s faerie grandfather and he’s specifically come to help Sookie defeat Warlow.

And I have to say that this is brilliant casting. We, as viewers, have been so conditioned to automatically view Rutger Hauer as a villain that it’s actually surprisingly refreshing to see him playing a good guy and Hauer seems to be having a lot of fun with the role.

Anyway, Grandpa explains to Sookie and Jason that Warlow is obsessed with the Stackhouse family, specifically because the Stackhouses are actual royalty (making Sookie into a literal faerie princess). However, Grandpa explains, Sookie can defeat Warlow by harnessing all of her light and literally going supernova. The only side effect is that Sookie can only do this once and she’ll no longer be a faerie after doing so. Sookie, who spent most of last season trying to deplete all of her power, immediately starts practicing harnessing her light.

And that’s probably a good idea because Warlow is already in Bon Temps.

Speaking of Sookie, before she meets her grandfather, she meets another faerie. This one is named Ben (Rob Kazinsky) and when Sookie comes across him, he’s lying on the ground after being attacked by vampires. Sookie nurses him back to health and it becomes obvious that the two of them are attracted to each other. I have to admit that I groaned a little when Ben showed up. It’s not that Rob Kazinsky isn’t cute, because he is. And it’s not that he and Anna Paquin don’t have a lot of chemistry because they do. However, Ben is not Eric. For that matter, he’s not even Bill.

Speaking of Bill, he began tonight by going into a catatonic state and he remained that way for most of the episode, despite the best efforts of Jessica to wake him up. At one point, Jessica even brought in a hilariously trashy prostitute named Veronica so that Bill could feed. Even in his catatonic state, Bill still ended up graphically drawing out every drop of blood from her body.

While catatonic, Bill has a vision where he stands in the middle of sun-drenched field and talks to Lillith. Lillith explains that Bill’s purpose is to save all the vampires from destruction. The scenes between Bill and Lillith were perfectly filmed and acted, with an obvious emphasis being put on the fact that the bright sun was effecting Bill and Lillith not at all. When Bill finally does wake up, he tells Jessica that he can now see the future.

And what is that future?

Every vampire in Bon Temps being herded into a stark, white room where, once the roof opens up, they are all burned to death by the sun.

Meanwhile, Eric has also taken it upon himself to try to prevent the future that Bill has seen. Eric sneaks into the Governor’s mansion, confronts the governor, and attempts to hypnotize him. The Governor (and have I mentioned how much I love Arliss Howard’s villainous performance) responds by laughing. It turns out that the Governor is wearing special contact lenses that make it impossible for him to be hypnotized.

After managing to escape the Governor’s armed guards, Eric tracks down the Governor’s daughter, Wilma. In a nicely gothic touch, Wilma looks out her bedroom window and sees Eric floating outside her window. Eric asks for permission to enter and she gives it.

And seriously, who wouldn’t?

I got so caught up with the vampires tonight that I nearly forgot that some pretty important things happened to Sam as well. I always feel bad for Sam because he literally cannot catch a break and tonight was not any different. First off, he found himself being harassed by Nicole, a political activist from L.A. who wants Sam to come out publicly as a shape shifter. (I have to admit that I have a sinking feeling that, with Luna dead, Nicole is going to become Sam’s new love interest. I’m not looking forward to this development because Nicole is kind of self-righteous and annoying.) Then, Sam ended up getting beaten up by Alcide, who has taken it upon himself to make sure that Emma is raised among the werewolves.

Seriously — bad Alcide!

I loved tonight’s episode. If last week’s premiere felt like True Blood fan fiction, The Sun felt like true True Blood. Hopefully, the rest of Season 6 will follow its example.

Random Thoughts and Observations:

Unofficial Scene Count: 53
That precredits sequence with Warlow appearing on the bridge was pretty effective, I thought.
Rutger Hauer deserves an Emmy for his delivery of the line “I am your fucking faerie grandfather.”
Alexander Skargard is so hot and sexy! Oh. My. God.
The sudden appearance of Patrick’s wife reminded me of how much I disliked last season’s Iraqi smoke monster subplot.
I’m sure that the writers of True Blood meant for the Governor to come across as some sort of right-wing boogeyman but, to be honest, he reminds me more of our current President.
I love the way Jason got so excited when he said, “That makes me a faerie prince!”
It’s interesting to note that both True Blood and the Walking Dead feature a villain called “The Governor.”
“They attacked the Chuck E. Cheese yesterday.”
“You’re not going to read me my rights?” “You don’t have no rights, vampire.” “Well, that’s not nice.”
The performers on True Blood never get enough credit. Tonight’s standout was Deborah Ann Woll. Jessica’s episode ending prayer is definitely the highlight of the season so far.

Review: True Blood Ep. 6.1 (“Who Are You, Really?”)

Posted on June 17, 2013 by Lisa Marie Bowman

True Blood (or, as my aunt calls it, the show with all the naked people) is back! Last night saw the premiere of the first episode of the sixth season of the venerable HBO series. That also means that, for the next ten weeks, we’ll be reviewing each episode here at the Shattered Lens.

Last night’s episode started right where last season left off. Bill drank the rest of Lillith’s blood, was reborn as some sort of blood-covered demon, and then proceeded to go on a rampage through the Authority HQ. While all the characters that we care about — Sookie (Anna Paquin), Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), Jason (Ryan Kwanten), Pam (Kristen Bauer Von Straten), Tara (Rutina Wesley), Nora (Lucy Griffiths), Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), Sam (Sam Trammell), Luna (Janina Gavanker), and Emma (Chloe Noelle) — manage to get out safely, it appears that crazed Bill kills everyone else in the building and then, for good measure, blows it up.

Soon after escaping, Luna asks Sam to take care of Emma and then dies of her wounds. Luna’s death was a genuinely surprising moment, though I do have to admit that I wish Sam could at least have an episode or two where something either weird or terrible didn’t happen to him. Sam takes Emma back to his bar where they run into Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Sam watches a TV news report on how Louisiana’s governor (the wonderfully sleazy Arliss Howard) is declaring martial law on all vampires until the True Blood shortage is taken care of.

(At this point, I realized that I couldn’t remember whether or not Lafayette still has that demon inside of him. Was that resolved last season?)

Meanwhile, Andy (Chris Bauer) is a still a dumbass but he’s now also a father of a bunch of faery kids who are aging very fast. I have to admit that I’m not really that interested in Andy’s subplot, though I’m sure that the vampires of Bon Temps will be very interested in having all that new faery blood to choose from.

Alcide, meanwhile, is now pack leader, which means that he gets to eat his enemies and have sex with anyone he wants to, as long as he remembers that Rikki (Kelly Overton) is his “number one bitch.” I’ve read comments from a few reviewers who have complained that Alcide’s scenes felt gratuitous. Over on the A.V. Club, they complained that the only reason Alcide was in last night’s episode was so we could see Joe Manganiello naked. To those reviewers, I say, “Shut up!” Seriously, it’s not True Blood without Naked Alcide.

And trust me, we needed some Naked Alcide last night because the main storyline was kind of depressing.

After Eric, Nora, Sookie, Tara, and Pam all agreed that they would kill Bill if they had to, Jessica found herself being summoned to Bill’s mansion. It was there that they discovered Bill, looking very normal. After Bill explained that he was still Bill Compton but that he was also something much more, Eric attempted to attack him. Bill easily defended himself, just to then be staked from behind by Sookie.

And how did Bill respond?

By removing the stake from his chest.

So, apparently, Bill is now a demigod of some sort.

After Bill ordered everyone but Jessica to leave, Sookie and Eric returned to her home. After Eric signed the house back over to her, Sookie then took away his invitation and forced Eric to leave.

Meanwhile, Jason — who had earlier run off on his own after escaping the destruction of the Authority HQ — was picked up by a passing motorist. Now, as soon as I saw that motorist, I knew he was going to be trouble because he was played by Rutger Hauer. And sure enough, it turns out that Hauer is playing Warlow, the same vampire who previously killed Jason and Sookie’s parents. Before vanishing, Warlow says that “nothing will keep me from getting Sookie.”

So, to summarize:

Sookie is trying, once again, to live a life free of vampire drama, Eric is thinking about abandoning Bon Temps all together, Bill is acting strange, Jessica is being used as a pawn, and Alcide’s naked.

The more things change, the more thing’s stay the same, right?

Overall, I had mixed feelings about last night’s episode. After the excitement of last season’s finale, it’s hard not to be disappointed that tonight’s episode didn’t offer up much of a resolution. In many ways, it felt more like an episode that you would expect to find in the middle of a 24-episode run, as opposed to the start of a 10-episode season.

That said, this episode did feature Alcide naked so who am I to complain?

Random Observations:

Tonight’s unofficial scene count: 45
Last night’s episode was directed by Bill Compton himself, Stephen Moyer.
“I’m your number one bitch,” is something that I often say, as well.
Where’s Rev. Newlin?
With the death of Luna and the “possession” of Bill, last night’s episode was unusually somber. I hope that’s not going to be the way the rest of this season is going to play out. True Blood is always at its best when mixing comedy with melodrama.
This is the first season without Alan Ball as showrunner (though he’s still an executive producer on the show). It’s tempting to say that Ball’s absence is why last night’s episode felt somewhat off but, of course, it’s still to early to say one way or the other.
Because of Anna Paquin’s pregnancy, this season is only going to last 10 episodes.
And I’m looking forward to reviewing all ten of them!

Film Review: Hobo With a Shotgun (dir. by Jason Eisener)

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been going off on Canada a lot lately, which is odd since some of my favorite Twitter friends happen to live up in Canada. Unfortunately, so does my one twitter enemy. I’m not going to give out his name (though I call him Monsieur Petit Pénis) or go in to all the gory details but oh my God, I hate him so much it’s not even funny. Seriously. Hate him. Forever and ever.

But anyway, just in case I have been tarring an entire nation based on one freaking lewser, I want to take some time to acknowledge the greatest thing to come out of Canada since Ryan Gosling, Hobo With A Shotgun.

Rutger Hauer plays the title character and hero of this nicely demented little film. When we first meet Hobo, he doesn’t have a shotgun. He’s just a vagabond, a proverbial man with no name who finds himself in the most run-down slum of a town ever. Hope Town appears to be located in one of the lesser known rings of Hell and basically seems to consist almost exclusively of burned-out storefronts, trash-strewn alleys, and seedy amusement parks. Seriously, the New York City of Taxi Driver hasn’t got a thing on Hope Town.

As soon as the Hobo arrives, the first thing he witnesses is the town’s local crime boss, the Drake (Brian Downey), decapitating a man in broad daylight while the citizens of the town apathetically watch. The Drake looks a lot like Peter Popoff (a preacher who comes on TV around 2 in the morning around these parts; he sells magic holy water) and he has two equally sadistic sons, Slick (Gregory Smith, who looks like Tom Cruise on extasy) and the idiotic Ivan (Nick Bateman). It soon becomes obvious that the Drake and his sons control the town because nobody has ever previously considered grabbing a shotgun and gunning them down. Nobody until the Hobo that is.

Originally, of course, the Hobo had different plans. He was attempting to raise the money necessary to buy a used lawn mower sitting in the local pawn shop, the idea being that he could use that mower to start a lawn care business. (The joke here, of course, is that nobody in Hope City appears to have a lawn. Seriously, they should have called it Cement City.) However, right when the Hobo is preparing to buy the lawn mower, the pawn shop is held up by two thugs. Luckily, along with the lawn mower, there’s also a shotgun — which happens to cost the exact same amount as the lawn mower — in the sales window. The Hobo purchases the shotgun and soon, with the help of a sympathetic prostitute named Abby (Molly Dunsworth) he sets out to clean up Hope City, one criminal at a time.

Now, it might sound like I’m making fun of the film’s plot but nothing could be further from the truth. This film is perfectly aware of how ludicrous all of this is and director Eisener quite wisely never apologizes for the story he tells or the way he tells it. From the start, Hobo With A Shotgun shows that it is a film without shame and therefore, one that you can watch without shame.

It’s also follows Robert Rodriguez’s Machete as the second film to be based on a fake trailer made for the Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino collaborative film Grindhouse. Here’s the original “fake” trailer that led to a very real movie:

Though it’s gotten nowhere as much hype, I actually think Hobo With A Shotgun is superior to Machete. Grindhouse films may have been excessive but they were still films being made by filmmakers and, as Quentin Tarantino has always seemed to understand, the truly great grindhouse films (the ones that we eagerly wait to see released on DVD) never used the art of excess as just an excuse to do whatever they wanted. The best grindhouse films created their own unique worlds with their own unique rules but once those rules had been set, they weren’t broken. (That, of course, wasn’t true of all grindhouse films. Just the good ones.) That is where Hobo With A Shotgun truly triumphs. You believe in this odd, over-the-top world that the film creates. Everything from the graffiti-covered walls to the garish cinematography to even the overacting of most of the supporting cast; it all comes together to create its own unique world. And once you surrender to that the film’s odd “reality,” the film becomes, in its own warped way, quite compelling.

With the exception of Rutger Hauer in the title role, the cast of Hobo With A Shotgun is largely made up of unknowns and that’s quite a contrast to Machete. However, and I may be in the minority here, I actually felt that all the famous faces in Machete actually had a detrimental effect on the overall film. Too many of them seemed to be slumming or treating Machete as a lark and true grindhouse is never a lark. If there’s one thing you can say for sure about Rutger Hauer’s performance here, it’s that he’s definitely not slumming. Hauer seems to understand that a film like this needs an anchor, something steady that the audience can grab on to whenever the film itself threatens to spin out of control. Wisely, Hauer chooses to underplay his character and, as a result, he dominates the entire film. It’s really a performance that all aspiring actors should watch. Hauer might be playing a hobo with a shotgun but that doesn’t keep him from being the most compelling and believable hobo with a shotgun possible. Out of the rest of the cast, Molly Dunsworth does a good job and manages to be believable whether she’s mourning her lost innocence or stabbing a bad guy to death with a fragment of bone.

Hobo With A Shotgun is currently in limited release here in the United States. What does that mean? Well, that means that if you’re living on the West or East coast you’re in luck. However, if you’re like me and you actually live in a city that’s not going to be targeted by terrorists in the near future, things are a bit more problematic. Luckily, for us, Hobo With Shotgun is available OnDemand which is how I ended up seeing it.

In conclusion, allow me to say, “Canada, you rock!”

Film Review: The Rite (dir. by Mikael Hafstrom)

Posted on February 6, 2011 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Last night, me, Jeff, and my sister Erin braved the melting ice and snow in order to drive out to the AMC Valley View and see The Rite, which is the latest movie to come out about exorcism.

(Quick sidenote: Yes, the AMC Valley View has replaced the closed Regal Keystone as my place to see mainstream, establishment films. It’s actually a pretty nice little theater and it’s located in Valley View Mall so, at the very least, you can do some shopping before you see your film. Add to that, I think I’ve developed a girlcrush on the girl who always sells us our tickets because she’s 1) something like 6 feet tall and 2) she just gives off this really sarcastic, monotone, I-don’t-give-a-fuck vibe. Oh! And they’ve also got that old House of the Dead video game in the lobby and last night, Erin played it and Jeff and I were laughing so hard because she just started shooting everything! That said, the theater doesn’t do matinee showing and oh my God, I hate the drive up there because it means having to cross Coit road and once you get pass Coit, nobody knows how to drive. Bleh. But anyway….)

The Rite begins with those dreaded words: “The following is based on true events.” We then meet Michael Kovak (played by Colin O’Donoghue) who is the son of a mortician who lies about wanting to be a priest so he can get a scholarship to the seminary and get a college degree in psychology. His plan, of course, is to get the degree and then resign from the deaconate before actually taking his vows. However, when he attempts to resign, the Father Superior refuses to accept the resignation. He also refuses to accept Michael’s claim of having no faith in God. Instead, he convinces Michael to go to Rome and to take a class on exorcism. The theory here — and it’s the same theory that seems to crop up in every film ever made about exorcism — is that if you can see proof of the devil then therefore, you’re seeing proof of God because one can’t exist without the other. Some people would call that wishful thinking but regardless, Michael goes to Rome and who wouldn’t? Rome is full of old buildings, beautiful people, stray cats, great food, and romantic possibilities, after all.

Rome is also the home of Father Lukas (played by Anthony Hopkins) who is a veteran exorcist. When Michael expresses some doubts in Exorcism Class, he’s sent to learn from Lukas. Michael watches as Lukas performs several exorcisms and yet, he still refuses to believe that any of it is real. Even when the possessed start to spit up Holy Nails and pieces of the One True Cross, Michael continues to argue that it’s all a psychological condition. But then, Michael starts to have disturbing visions of his father (played by Rutger Hauer) and Lukas starts to act strangely and Michael comes to realize that, regardless of whether he believes in the devil, the devil certainly believes in him.

The Rite actually has a few things to recommend it. The scenes in Rome are shot to emphasize the eerie atmosphere over easy shocks and, as a result, the film creates a sense of unease that is so subtle that the viewer is almost seduced into sharing the film’s Manichean world view. Anthony Hopkins is always fun to watch on-screen and he knows exactly how much over-the-top to go in his performance without descending to the level of camp.

Unfortunately, director Mikael Hafstrom never quite manages to settle on the correct pace for the film. Some scenes are over much too quickly while others seem to just drag on for an eternity. It seems to take forever for Michael just to get over to Rome and even once he does arrive in Italy, you’re never sure of how long he’s supposed to be there, how long he’s already been there, or how many days pass between his first meeting with Hopkins and the end of the film.

The film’s other big flaw, along with the slow pace, is the character of Michael or, more specifically, Colin O’Donoghue’s passively blank performance as Michael. Since the film is essentially meant to be about Michael’s struggle with belief, it would be good if the film’s star was capable of suggesting some sort of inner emotional life. Instead, O’Donoghue simply comes across as a block of wood that’s been whittled into the shape of a man. As a result, Micheal never seems to be a man in the throes of a crisis of faith. Instead, he just seems petulant. Anthony Hopkins is so dynamic and O’Donoghue so bland that you actually resent O’Donoghue for having more screen time.

Director Mikael Hafstrom deserves some credit for trying to make a “serious” movie about exorcism but, to be honest, I prefer the more unapologetically sordid approach of a film like The Last Exorcism. Ultimately, The Rite tries so hard to be serious that it forgets to be entertaining.