Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.9 “Sanctuary/My Late Lover”

Posted on January 16, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.9 “Sanctuary/My Late Lover”

(Dir by Leslie H. Martinson, originally aired on January 3rd, 1981)

This week brings us two fantasies, neither one of which quite works.

Thomas Henshaw (Bobby Sherman) is a man who does not initially appear to be too happy to be on Fantasy Island. That’s because someone has poisoned him and he only has a day or two to live. His fantasy is to go the Sanctuary, an exclusive resort for killers, and track down his assassin. Henshaw has got one clue, a strand of hair that he found on his clothing. All has to do is find someone who has the same hair. This would make perfect sense in a world where only one person had light brown hair. It make less sense in the real world or, for that matter, even on Fantasy Island.

Mr. Roarke gives Thomas Henshaw a serum that will prolong his life for a few days. Henshaw goes to the Sanctuary, where he immediately finds himself being menaced by Sid Haig! Sid plays the bad guy’s henchman. There’s a scene where Thomas attempts to grab a strand of Sid’s hair and instead pulls off his wig. Sid does not look particularly amused by the whole thing.

Thomas meets and falls for Tessa (Morgan Brittany), who is basically owned by one of the assassins. Thomas changes his fantasy, telling Mr. Roarke that he just wants Tessa to be free, even if that means that he loses his chance to track down the killer. Mr. Roarke agrees to the change but no worries. Thomas still manages to track down his assassin and learn the name of the poison. (He also snatches a strand of hair off of the bad guy’s head and declares, “It’s the same!” DNA testing used to be so simple!) Mr. Roarke and the Fantasy Island cops show up and arrest the killer and also provide an antidote to Thomas. Thomas lives and leaves the Island with Tessa.

The main problem with this fantasy is that Bobby Sherman was extremely miscast, giving a performance that was so mild that you never once believed he could be at the center of a murder-for-hire scheme. Michael Cole, who plays one of the assassins, perhaps would have been believable as Thomas Henshaw. For that matter, if the show’s producers and writers had really been willing to think outside the box, it would have been interesting to see Sid Haig play a sympathetic role on Fantasy Island. But Bobby Sherman is just too bland for this type of story.

The other fantasy is also, sad to say, a bit bland. Anastasia Decker (Eva Gabor) is a wealthy widow who is trying to choose between three suitors. Complicating matters is the ghost of Anastasia’s husband, the charming Dex (Gene Barry). Dex keeps popping up and pointing out all of the flaws in the men who want to replace him. Anastasia cannot emotionally move on. Finally, Anastasia decides she wants to be with Dex so she tries to drive her car over a cliff! Luckily, Ghost Dex is able to magically stop the car in mid-air and return it to the road. Anastasia realizes that, of her suitors, nerdy-but-nice Walter (Craig Stevens) is the one who truly loves her and that’s who she leaves the Island with. Dex returns to the afterlife, happy in the knowledge that Anastasia will be able to move on.

I like it when Fantasy Island deals with the supernatural but this particular fantasy was so bland that not even a tap-dancing ghost could liven things up. Eva Gabor tried her best but this fantasy was the type of story that the show had already done several times in the past. Despite effective performances from Gabor, Barry, and Stevens, it was just a bit too familiar to be effective.

Well, this was a disappointing trip to the Island. Hopefully, the plane will bring something more interesting next week!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.8 “Crescendo/Three Feathers”

Posted on January 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we get one good fantasy and one bad fantasy and a reminder that anything can happen on Fantasy Island!

Episode 4.8 “Crescendo/Three Feathers”

(Dir by Michael Preece, originally aired on December 20th, 1980)

This episode confirms that Fantasy Island is the strangest place on Earth.

Our first fantasy features Toni Tennille as a world-famous singer named Susan Lohmann. Susan has been invited meet her favorite composer and songwriter, Edmund Dumont (Monte Markham). Dumont lives in seclusion on Fantasy Island, in an estate that is surrounded by wild animals and where he is tended by a blind butler (James Hong).

Susan is excited to meet Edmund, until she walks in on him playing his piano and discovers that he’s a …. BEAST! Though he has the body of a human, he has the face of a wolf. It turns out that Edmund lives in seclusion because he feels that the world would never accept his appearance. And Susan promptly proves him correct by screaming and demanding to leave. Susan flees the estate.

Susan’s manager is glad that Susan is free because now she can appear in concert in London. However, Mr. Roarke informs Susan that Edmund suffers from a curse and the only thing that could have cured him would have been the love of Susan. Edmund is now determined to die, surrounded by the animals on his estate, the only creatures who accepted him. Susan, realizing that she was a little bit hard on a guy who couldn’t help his appearance, returns to the estate, gives Edmund a kiss, and Edmund turns into a handsome guy. Yay!

So, there’s a huge problem here. Susan Lohmann is incredibly unlikable. Yes, Edmund may look different. But all Edmund did was invited her to his estate so that he could express his appreciation for the way the she sings his songs. Susan claims that Edmund should have told her, in advance, about the way he looked. Yes, Susan, God forbid someone unattractive appreciate your talent or have any talent of his own. Seriously, Susan was the worst.

Slightly more likable is Alan Colshaw (Hugh O’Brian), a pilot who has spent a year feeling like a coward. He was piloting a plane that crashed in the jungle. Alan went for help and, according to the three other passengers (played by Diane Baker, James Wainwright, and Peter Lawford), he never returned and, instead, he ran off with a stash of diamonds that was on the plane. Alan says that he is sure he didn’t intentionally desert them but he can’t remember for sure because he’s been suffering from memory loss.

Mr. Roarke gives Alan a medallion, one that will allow him and the others to see what happened when the plane crashed. As for Alan, he brings along three white feathers, which he plans to give to each of the survivors as a way to symbolize that he’s not the coward that they think he is. (Yes, it doesn’t make much sense to me, either.)

Lena (Diane Baker) is the first to forgive Alan. Alan realizes that he’s in love with Lena and he tells Mr. Roarke that he wants to change his fantasy. He just wants to spend the rest of his life with Lena. Roarke informs Alan that he can’t do that because …. ALAN IS DEAD! He died while trying to get help after the crash. Alan has come back to life for the weekend so that his spirit can find peace.

That’s a pretty neat twist and, to its credit, the show sticks with it. Alan eventually proves that he wasn’t a coward and that another one of the passengers stole the diamonds and then he vanishes into the afterlife.

“Boss,” Tattoo says, “you mean he was a …. g-g-ghost!?”

“Oh, Tattoo!” Roarke snaps, “Please do not tell me that you are prejudiced!”

Fantasy Island may be a strange place but some things — like Roarke passive aggressively attacking Tattoo — never change.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.7 “The Invisible Woman/The Snowbird”

Posted on January 2, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Smiles, everyone, smiles!

Episode 4.7 “The Invisible Woman/The Snowbird”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 6th, 1980)

This week’s trip to Fantasy Island is all about entertainers.

For instance, Ned Pringle (Douglas Barr) is not an entertainer but he wishes that he could be. Instead, the handsome and athletic Ned is a popcorn salesman who works for a traveling circus. He has a crush on a trapeze artist named Velda Ferrini (Pamela Sue Martin) but he feels that he won’t ever be able to talk her unless he too can become a trapeze-artist.

Mr. Roarke grants him his fantasy. He hands Ned a magic pouch and has him climb up a magic ladder. When Ned reaches the platform at the top, he suddenly discovers that he is now standing high above the ground. Below him, the entire circus is waiting for him to audition. Fortunately, as long as Ned has the pouch, there is nothing he can’t do. He’s the world’s greatest acrobat and he is, of course, hired by the circus’s owner, Mr. Ferrini (Don Ameche). Ferrini is the father of Velda and when he hires Ned, he does so under the condition that Ned not try to date his daughter. Good luck with that, Ferrini!

Meanwhile, Velda’s older brother, Mario Ferrini (George Maharis), takes an interest in Ned’s career and he even starts to pressure Ned to attempt the same super dangerous quadruple summersault that led to Mario injuring his leg and having to drop out of the act. Ned, however, realizes that Mario needs to do the summersault himself so that he can get back his confidence. After a conversation with Mr. Roarke (who shows up swinging on the trapeze and wearing a white bodysuit!), Ned allows Mario to have the pouch. Mario finally pulls off the quadruple summersault and he returns to the act. Meanwhile, Ned realizes that he doesn’t have to be an acrobat to be worthy of Velda’s love and he instead becomes the circus’s new manager.

And good for all of them! Ameche, Martin, Maharis, and Barr were all extremely likable in this story, though you do have to wonder what Maharis is going to do if he ever loses the magic pouch. That said, the true stars of the story were the stunt crew. It was pretty easy to spot everyone’s stunt double, which added to the fun of the story. Ricardo Montalban’s stunt double, for instance, appeared to be about 20 years younger than him and blonde.

The episode’s other story deals with a veteran entertainer named Denny Palumbo (Dick Gautier). Denny became a star doing a corny song-and-dance act with his wife, Trish (Neile Adams). However, Denny and Trish got a divorce and their act broke up. Denny is now engaged to Harriet (Elaine Joyce) and he is putting together a new act with two new dancers. Trish’s fantasy is to become invisible so that she can make sure that Denny isn’t cheating on her.

“Boss!” Tattoo says, “Can you do that!?”

“It remains to be seen,” Roarke replies.

(Oh hey, I just got that!)

Just as Roarke gave Ned a magic pouch, he gives Harriet a magic potion that grants temporary invisibility. When Harriet turns invisible, her clothes can still be seen and appear to be floating in mid-air. This leads to her (in her invisible state) undressing in front of Tattoo and Roarke. Tattoo’s eyes get especially wide as everything from Harriet’s dress to her underwear hits the floor. In fact, Tattoo gets so distracted that Roarke snaps, “Tattoo!”

(Later, Tattoo deduces that Roarke can still see Harriet, even after she’s taken the potion and removed her clothes. “Boss!” Tattoo gaps. I’m a bit shocked, myself. Mr. Roarke has always been such a gentleman in the past that I find it hard to believe that he would not have stepped out of the room or, at the very least, turned his back while Harriet undressed.)

Being invisible allows Harriet to spy on Denny. It turns out that Denny is not cheating on her but invisible Harriet still deliberately ruins his rehearsal and causes the new dancers to quit. Needing a partner, Denny turns to Trish, which upsets Harriet even though Harriet was the one who was secretly responsible for inspiring the other two dancers to quit in the first place. Eventually, Harriet realizes that Denny and Trish are meant to be together but that’s okay because she also realizes that she’s meant to be with Denny’s manager, Monty (Sonny Bono, who apparently spent the early 80s living off whatever money he made from appearing on shows like The Love Boat and Fantasy Island).

This story suffered from the fact that all of Harriet’s problems could have been solved by Harriet not acting like an idiot. As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, I am not a fan of the idiot plot. Sonny Bono was likable as Monty but Denny and Harriet were so broadly drawn and performed that I mostly just wanted to Monty to totally get away from both of them.

This week’s trip to Fantasy Island was just silly.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.6 “With Affection, Jack the Ripper/Gigolo”

Posted on December 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Fantasy Island is full of gigolos and harlots!

Episode 4.6 “With Affection, Jack The Ripper/Gigolo”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on November 29th, 1980)

“Here comes a real wimp!” Tattoo declares as Stanley Hocker (Ken Berry) stumbles off of the airplane.

Roarke rolls his eyes at Tattoo’s rudeness but then goes on to admit that most people would consider Stanley to be a bit of a wimp. Stanley is shy and awkward and he wears dorky clothes and he’s never had much success with romance. Stanley’s fantasy is to become a gigolo.

“Good luck!” Tattoo says.

Roarke doesn’t need luck when he can get just give Stanley a magical bracelet that once belonged to Don Juan. As soon as the bracelet appears on Stanley’s wrist, Stanley is suddenly confident, cool, and much better dressed.

“I’m not a turkey anymore!” Stanley declares, “I’m a hunk!”

Soon, every woman on the Island is attracted to Stanley. However, a trip to the Fantasy Island singles bar, leaves Stanley with a large bar tab. It turns out that Roarke may have given Stanley the bracelet but he didn’t give him any extra money. The bill is paid by another gigolo, Monty (Lyle Waggoner). In return for his help, Monty requests that Stanley seduce the wealthy Jessie De Winter (Carolyn Jones) so that Monty can make a move on Jessie’s niece, Dina (Meredith McRae).

Of course, Stanley falls in love with Dina but she’s the only woman on the Island who is not impressed with his gigolo style. Stanley finally agrees to remove the bracelet and sacrifice his fantasy so that he can approach Dina as his true self.

While this is going on, Jack the Ripper is stalking Fantasy Island! Yikes!

It’s all the fault of Lorraine Peters (Lynda Day George). Lorraine has developed a theory that Jack the Ripper was actually a surgeon named Dr. Albert Z. Fell (Victor Buono, rarely speaking but often dramatically rolling his eyes). Lorraine’s fantasy is to go back to 1880s London to find proof of her theory. Despite some reservations, Roarke gives Lorraine her fantasy. Lorraine steps through a time door and finds herself in London. She manages to find Dr. Fell’s office and a diary in which Fell has written about his hatred of “harlots.” However, Dr. Fell also finds the time door, steps through it, and is soon on Fantasy Island!

Upon discovering that history’s most infamous murderer is now stalking the Island, Roarke sends Tattoo out to let everyone know that they need to stay inside. Of all the people that Roarke could send, it’s interesting that Roarke selected the person least likely to survive if he was caught by Jack the Ripper. Seriously, there are a lot of athletic guys on Fantasy Island and any one of them could have beaten up the rather portly and middle-aged Jack the Ripper. Instead of asking one of them to look for the killer, Roarke sends Tattoo. Even in a moment of crisis, Roarke is always looking for a way to get rid of his assitant.

Fortunately, Dr. Fell is too busy trying to kill Lorraine and her boyfriend, Robert (Alex Cord), to waste any time on Tattoo. Dr. Fell chases Lorraine all across the island. Lorraine leads Fell back through the time door and Fell is promptly run over by a carriage in London. Lorraine returns to the present and tells Mr. Roarke that she’s decided not to reveal the truth about Dr. Fell because …. well, I don’t know why.

Despite some lapses in logic, the Jack the Ripper story was actually really entertaining. There was nothing subtle about Victor Buono’s performance but it was still exactly what the story needed. Lynda Day George was appearing in films like Pieces and Mortuary when she appeared in this episode and she puts that horror experience to good use. The scenes in London were atmospheric and the idea of Jack the Ripper on Fantasy Island was intriguing, even if the episode didn’t do as much with the idea as it could have. The superior Jack the Ripper fantasy and the silly but inoffensive gigolo fantasy combined to make this an enjoyable trip to Fantasy Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Roarke and Tattoo are still ignoring each other.

Episode 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy and Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 22nd, 1980)

The plane has arrived and, once again, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo head down to the docks to meet their guests. And, as with the previous season four episodes, it’s hard not to notice that neither Ricardo Montalban nor Herve Villechaize are willing to look at each other while delivering their lines. I feel a little bit bad about having started almost every recent review by mentioning the obvious hostility between the two of them but it’s impossible not to notice. Previously, one of the show’s greatest strengths was the playful banter between Roarke and Tattoo and, when it’s gone, it’s impossible not to notice the absence.

Speaking of hostility, Gordon Hughes (Gary Burghoff) seem to have a lot resentment against the world. Thanks to the inheritance that he received from his grandmother, Gordon has graduated from law school and he is on the verge of joining a top law firm. But, before he does so, he wants to go back in the past and discover how his grandmother made all of her money. Mr. Roarke takes Gordon to a recreation of the saloon that his grandmother owned in turn-of-the-century San Francisco. Gordon takes a sip of brandy and is transported into the past. He quickly discovers that …. HIS GRANDMOTHER OWNED A BROTHEL!

At first, Gordon is upset about this discovery. But then he falls in love with one of his grandmother’s employees, a waitress named Molly (Barbie Benton). And then he stands up to a crooked cop (Dane Clark). And then he meets his grandmother (Ruta Lee) and discovers that she was tough and refused to let anyone push her around. Gordon realizes that he should be proud of his grandmother and his heritage and that he wants to be with Molly. But then the San Francisco earthquake hits and Gordon is abruptly transported to the present. Not to worry, though! It turns out Molly was also a guest having a fantasy and she and Gordon board the airplane home together.

This fantasy — which featured a lot of nice clothes and period detail — would have been effective if not for Gary Burghoff’s rather off-putting performance as Gordon. Seriously, Gordon came across as being such an uptight and self-righteous prig that it was difficult to have much sympathy for him. Of course, that was kind of the point. Gordon was supposed to be a snob but Burghoff made him such a convincing and such a committed snob that it was hard to believe that he could have changed his ways just over the course of a few days.

The second guest is actress Kim Holland (Loni Anderson), who is the biggest star in the world after appearing in only three movies. She wants a break from being a star so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to serve as a nurse in a remote clinic that is run by the gruff Dr. Greg Miller (Christopher George). Kim finds a purpose in life helping Dr. Miller but, when they’re kidnapped by a native tribe, Dr. Miller reveals that he has always known who Kim is. Dr. Miller plays one of her movies for the tribe, convincing them that Kim is a goddess. Miller goes on to explain that he’s been in love with Kim ever since he first saw her on screen. Seeing as Kim’s fantasy was to not be recognized for a few days, it would seem that Roarke failed to keep up his end of the bargain. But it doesn’t matter because Kim and Greg are in love. This fantasy could have worked with perhaps a different actress in the role of Kim. Loni Anderson gave such a blank performance as Kim that it was hard to really believe her either as a movie star or a nurse.

(Interestingly enough, the character of Kim Holland also appeared on the episode of The Love Boat that aired right before this episode. So, if nothing else, this is the first Love Boat/Fantasy Island cross-over. Incidentally, I’ll be reviewing that episode of The Love Boat in a few more months.)

This was a fairly forgettable episode. The island was lovely to look at and I’m glad that everyone found love but I just wish Mr. Roarke and Tattoo could be friends again.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.4 “Don Quixote/The Sex Goddess”

Posted on December 12, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s journey to Fantasy Island is oddly unpleasant.

Episode 4.4 “Don Quixote/The Sex Goddess”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on November 15th, 1980)

As always, this episode opens with “the plane, the plane” landing at Fantasy Island and Mr. Roarke and Tattoo heading out to meet their guests. Unfortunately, as has been the case since the since the third season, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo no longer share any sort of playful banter before meeting the guests. In fact, Roarke often seems to refuse to even look at Tattoo while speaking to him. It’s awkward to watch because the dislike between Ricardo Montalban and Heve Villechaize is obvious whenever they share a scene. It’s something that is easy to joke about while talking about the show but it’s far more unpleasant to actually witness.

Of course, this entire episode is rather unpleasant, which is a shame because Fantasy Island‘s greatest strength as a show was that watching it was usually a pleasant and undemanding way to spend an hour.

Take, for instance, the fantasy of Helen Hendrix (Phyllis Davis). Helen’s fantasy is to become a “sex goddess.” Tattoo expresses disbelief that the pretty but far from glamorous Helen could ever be a sex goddess but Roarke reminds Tattoo that, on Fantasy Island, all things are possible. Roarke then says that Helen doesn’t realize that her fantasy could be a “a very dangerous fantasy.”

Well, Mr. Roarke, if it’s so dangerous, why did you agree to allow her to come to the Island? In the past, Mr. Roarke has mentioned turning down many requests for fantasies. He is apparently the final judge on whether or not someone will get their fantasy. (Even when Tattoo granted a fantasy to someone who Roarke previously turned down, it was suggested that it was all a part of Roarke’s master plan.) If the fantasy is so dangerous, why give it to Helen? What is Mr. Roarke’s legal liability if someone gets killed while experiencing their fantasy?

Anyway, Mr. Roarke gives Helen a blue potion and when she drinks it, she becomes a blonde, starts wearing makeup, and gets a dress that’s far more flattering and low-cut than the borderline Amish outfit she was wearing when she first arrived at the Island. She is now an internationally famous sex goddess, which unfortunately leads to her being kidnapped by three men (Michael Callan, Edd Byrnes, and Don Stroud) and held hostage on a neighboring island. Eventually, Helen realizes that she’s going to have flirt her way out of captivity, which leads to a smitten Don Stroud helping her to escape. Or, at least, he does until the potion wears off and Helen goes back being a brunette. Stroud is shocked but, before he can strangle her, Roarke shows up and whisks Helen back to the Island.

Seriously, what a thoroughly unpleasant fantasy. Helen comes to the island because she wants to know what it’s like to be famous and sexy and Roarke essentially allows her to be kidnapped by three men who apparently are planning on trafficking her. Indeed, Roarke seems to suggest that this is Helen’s fault for wanting to be attractive in the first place. Personally, I think Helen should sue Fantasy Island for all its worth.

As for the other fantasy, Paul Williams plays an eccentric Texas banker named Donald Quick. His fantasy is to be Don Quixote. (That’s a weird fantasy but whatever.) Soon, Donald and his lawyer (David Doyle) are riding their donkeys across Fantasy Island while dressed up like conquistadors. Donald saves a woman from a motorcycle gang and you have to wonder just what exactly a motorcycle gang is doing on Fantasy Island. He saves another woman (Mary Louis Weller) from her louse of a boyfriend (Robert F. Lyons) and then he jousts with a Cadillac. It’s silly but at least Donald finds love and David Doyle gets a few funny lines over how much he wants to sue Fantasy Island.

Honestly, this episode could have been saved if the two fantasies had intersected. If Donald and his lawyer had turned up to battle the kidnappers and save Helen, this actually would have been an okay episode and the lawyer could have helped Helen file a lawsuit against Roarke. But instead, the fantasies stay separate and the whole thing just feels icky. Seriously, Mr. Roarke was not on top of his game of this week. It might be time to give Tattoo more responsibility.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

Posted on December 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Fantasy Island loses a fantasy. Read on to find out the details and remember, “Smiles, everyone! Smiles!”

Episode 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Vince Edwards, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

When this episode originally aired, it was a special two-hour episode of Fantasy Island, one that featured three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.

In Skater’s Edge, Charlie Johnson (Charlene Tilton) is a farm girl from Missouri who dreams of being a world class figure skater. She comes to the Island to compete in the Fantasy Island Skating Competition. Mr. Roarke gives Charlie a pair of magic skates that he claims belonged to figure skater Sonja Henie. As long as Charlie is wearing the skates, she is the greatest skater in the world. She takes the competition by storm and she also wins the heart of coach Mike O’Brien (Dack Rambo). Unfortunately, in doing so, Charlie upsets Mike’s protégé, Laura Henderson (Peggy Fleming). Laura steals Charlie’s skates but, after Mr. Roarke talks to her about the importance of friendship and fair play, Laura returns the skates to Charlie. Charlie gets a perfect score from the judges but, even more importantly, she learns a lesson in humility and she’s happy when Laura is named the winner of the competition. Laura has the Fantasy Island championship but Charlie has got Mike.

In Concerto of Death, Dennis Cole plays Jeremy Hale, who comes to the island with his wife (Mary Ann Mobley). Jeremy’s brother was a talented concert pianist who was murdered. Jeremy wants to play as well as his brother but he also wants to solve his murder. Roarke gives Jeremy an emerald ring that glows a deep green when Jeremy plays his piano. Roarke warns Jeremy that his brother’s ghost might try to possess him and seek violent revenge against those who he blames for his death. The scenes involving Jeremy being possessed feature Jeremy being suffused by a green glow and yes, it’s kind of silly but it’s still fun in the way that cheap special effects often are. Eventually, Jeremy realizes that his brother was killed by Carla Marco (Erin Gray) and it ends with the police taking away Carla and Jeremy’s guest cabin burning to the ground. That cabin burned down to the ground at least once per season.

Finally, in The Last Great Race, Dick Shawn and Juliet Mills play a couple who are divorcing. They go on a race with the winner getting the majority of their possessions.

You may notice that I don’t have much to say about The Last Great Race. This is because the Race fantasy was edited out of this episode when it went into syndication. Unfortunately, all of the versions that I’ve found of this episode online are of the syndicated version. So, I guess The Last Great Race is just going to be the lost fantasy of Fantasy Island.

It’s hard to judge this episode because, in the syndicated version, it’s very obvious that a lot has been removed. It makes things feel a bit disjointed with the scene transitions often coming abruptly. Charlie and Mike seem to fall in love in record time and Laura declaring herself to be Charlie’s friend seems odd because we haven’t really seen them interact before Laura steals her skates. Meanwhile, the story with Jeremy also feels rushed with the final confrontation between Jeremy and the murderer seeming to come out of nowhere.

That said, it’s kind of a fun episode. The skating scenes feature an obvious stunt double for Charlene Tilton and it’s hard not to be kind of charmed by how obvious it all is. (You can get dizzy as the scene cuts from close-ups of Tilton’s face and close-ups of the stunt double’s legs.) The supernatural story makes no sense but the silly special effects made me smile. The episode ends with Mr. Roarke causing snow to fall on Fantasy Island but, in typical Roarke fashion, he makes sure that it only falls on Tattoo. Roarke has a good laugh while Tattoo screams in terror. Seriously, those two hate each other so much.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.2 “The Flying Aces/The Mermaid Returns”

Posted on November 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a guest star from the past returns!

Episode 4.2 “The Flying Aces/The Mermaid Returns”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy, originally aired on November 1st, 1980)

The plane is landing, bringing with it a new group of Fantasy Island guests. As always, Tattoo steps out of the main Fantasy Island office, intent to head down to the lagoon and discover what this week’s fantasies will be. Except …. wait a minute …. where is Mr. Roarke!?

Tattoo waits for a few minutes and then looks around. Mr. Roarke is nowhere to be seen! Is it possible that, after three seasons of reported acrimony between him and Herve Villechaize, Ricardo Montalban has left the Island!? That would certainly make Tattoo happy. Though it was a storyline that was phased out as the show became more family friendly, Tattoo did spend the first two seasons of Fantasy Island talking about how he would like to be in charge of everything. Finally, Tattoo is in charge! Tattoo heads down to the landing lagoon and, for once, he’s the one who declares, “Smiles, everyone, smiles!”

However, Mr. Roarke has not left the Island. Instead, he’s been having a meeting with Nyah (Michelle Phillips), the mermaid who lives off the shore of Fantasy Island and who, during the third season, tried to tempt John Saxon to his death. Nyah reveals to Roarke that she wants to come to Fantasy Island as a guest because she had a fantasy of her own. Roarke informs her that, to do this, she will have to agree to be human for the weekend. Nyah agrees and Roarke makes a fist and closes his eyes tight. Suddenly, Nyah’s tail is replaced by legs!

Roarke then heads over to the landing lagoon, where he meets up with Tattoo. Tattoo is shocked when Nyah stumbles off of the plane. (So was I, as I was kind of under the assumption that the plane had already landed when Roarke had his conversation with her.) Tattoo wonders why Nyah is struggling to walk. Roarke explains that she’s still learning how to use her legs. When the friendly island girls offer her a drink and a lei, Nyah rudely shake her head. It’s not easy being human! Roarke explains that Nyah wants to experience human love.

As for the other guest, he’s an airline pilot named Tony Chilton (Sam Melville). Tony feels that World War II was the last time when men could truly be men and he has stated that his fantasy is to be a member of the 53rd fighting group, battling the Germans above New Zealand. However, as Roarke quickly deduces, Tony’s actual fantasy is to meet the father he never knew. David Chilton (Tom Wopat) was a member of the 53rd and he died in aerial combat.

Both fantasies play out pretty much the way that you probably expect that they would. Fantasy Island was a show that understood the importance of fulfilling expectations. For instance, you’ve probably already guessed that Nyah is going to end up announcing that she’s in love with Mr. Roarke and also that, by the end of the episode, Nyah is going to have realized that her home is in the ocean. But Nyah’s storyline is still enjoyable because Michelle Phillips does such a good job of playing Nyah and her struggle to figure out how humans do things like walk, make small talk, and wear clothes all the time. At first, Nyah is rude to almost everyone that she meets and I cringed a bit when Roarke disciplined her by giving her a spanking. (Oh hi, 1980!) But, at the same time, I could relate to Nyah because, from my childhood, I know what it’s like to constantly find yourself in a new town and a new school and having to figure out the customs of a whole new group of people. Sometimes, it’s not easy to learn how to walk in a new place.

As for the World War II story, Tony does meet with his father and he gets to bond with him. Awwww! Sadly, he also learns that Roarke wasn’t kidding when he warned that history cannot be changed. It was a simple story but it worked due to the heartfelt performances of Sam Melville and Tom Wopat. This storyline was unabashedly sentimental and all the better for it!

All in all, this was a good trip to the Island.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.1 “The Devil and Mandy Breem/The Millionaire”

Posted on November 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 4 begins with …. THE DEVIL!

Episode 4.1 “The Devil and Mandy Breem/The Millionaire”

(Dir by Vince Edwards, originally aired on October 25th, 1980)

The fourth season of Fantasy Island opens with Mr. Roarke and Tattoo once again upset with each other.

When a man named Fred Catlett (Arte Johnson) wrote to Mr. Roarke and said that his fantasy was to become an instant millionaire, Roarke turned down his fantasy for …. reasons, I guess. Seriously, becoming an instant millionaire sounds like a typical fantasy and I seem to remember that it’s one that Roarke has granted for other guests on the series. I’m not sure why Roarke decided that poor, meek Fred Catlett was somehow unworthy of his fantasy.

For whatever reason, though, Roarke does turn down the fantasy. So, imagine his surprise when Fred shows up on the island! Tattoo explains that he decided to give Fred his fantasy. Roarke tells Tattoo that he’ll receive no help and no money from him. Tattoo is shocked and I’m wondering if this means that Fred will get a refund. I mean, Fantasy Island is not cheap. Actually, if Fred already had enough money to come to Fantasy Island, that does make his fantasy seem a little bit weird. It seems like you have to be a millionaire to get your fantasy in the first place.

Roarke, I should add, is a hypocrite because he totally suspends the rules for this week’s other guest. Mandy Breem (Carol Lynley) has come to the Island with her fantasy being that she wants the Island to save her life. However, Mandy refused to explain all of the details of her fantasy until she came to the Island. Roarke allows her to come, despite not knowing what she wants. If Tattoo did something like that, Roarke would never let him hear the end of it.

So, what is Mandy’s fantasy? A year ago, Mandy’s husband (Adam West) underwent a surgery. Fearful of his life, Mandy made a deal with …. THE DEVIL! She agreed that, if he saved her husband’s life, she would give up her soul in a year’s time. Well, that year is coming to a close and Mandy has come to Fantasy Island, hoping that she can somehow get out of the deal. The Devil (played by a dapper Roddy McDowall) has followed her and soon, Roarke must confront the Lord of Darkness for the sake of Mandy’s soul.

This is a really fun story, largely because the performance of Roddy McDowall as the devil. Wearing a black suit and a white tie and delivering all of his lines with just the right mix of menace, sarcasm, and camp McDowall is the ideal trickster. The smoky confrontation between Roarke and the Devil is the highlight of the episode, with both Montalban and McDowall both seeming to relish they drama of the moment. Ricardo Montalban once said that, while the show’s producers wanted to keep Roarke as enigmatic as possible, he always envisioned Roarke as being a fallen angel who was doing his penance on Fantasy Island. And, indeed, there is a hint of that in his confrontation with the Devil, with the show suggesting that this is neither the first nor the final time that the two shall meet.

As for the other fantasy, Tattoo’s solution is to steal a magic lamp and give it to Mike. Mike rubs the lamp and wishes for a million dollars. A briefcase full of money flies through the sky and lands in front of him. Mike is convinced the magic worked but actually the briefcase was tossed out of a moving car and now, three thieves (Arlene Golonka, Ross Martin, and Joe Turkel) want their money back! It all works out in the end. Despite Roarke’s earlier refusal to grant Fred his wish, this was ultimately a typical Fantasy Island fantasy. While it really couldn’t compete with Mr. Roarke facing off against the Devil, it did, at least, give Tattoo something to do. One gets the feeling that this episode was specifically conceived so that both Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could get their chance in the spotlight without having to actually interact with each other. And it works out wonderfully, with Tattoo’s silly antics providing a nice balance to the more dramatic stuff involving Mr. Roarke.

All in all, even if it’s obvious that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize were still not getting along behind the scene, this was a fantastic start for season 4!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.23 “Eagleman/Children of Mentu”

Posted on November 14, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 3 comes to an end!

Episode 3.23 “Eagleman/Children of Mentu”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on May 17th, 1980)

As I watched the third season finale of Fantasy Island, I found myself growing a bit sad. Even though I went into this program knowing that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize eventually came to despise each other, it’s still a bit jarring to see just how obvious that dislike was by the end of season 3. Gone were the silly moments of banter that used to start each episode. Instead, by the end of season 3, each episode opened with same stock footage of Tattoo announcing the plane and then Roarke and Tattoo heading down to the docks to meet their guests. When Tattoo and Roarke do speak to each other, the actors barely look at each other. As I said, it’s a shame and it’s hard not to feel that the show itself became a bit less interesting once Roarke and Tattoo stopped interacting.

As far as this week’s fantasies, they both feel somewhat familiar. There’s a comedic fantasy and a vaguely serious fantasy, both featuring actors who had previously appeared on the show in different roles. The comedic fantasy features Bob Denver as Morris Binstock who comes to the Island for a business retreat. Accompanying him is his son, Barney (Keith Coogan). Ever since the death of his wife, Morris has struggled to connect with his son. His fantasy is to become his son’s favorite comic book hero, Eagleman!

And he gets his wish. Roarke has set up an entire Eagleman secret headquarters in the closet of Morris’s room. Morris puts on the Eagleman costume and he does a flew klutzy things and he gets to fly. His son is happy. But is Morris devoting so much time to being Eagleman that he’s running the risk of losing a promotion at work? After all, a promotion would not only mean more money but it would also be something that would continue to exist, even after Morris left the Island. It looks like obnoxious Hal Ripley (Larry Storch) is going to get the promotion but when the company’s CEO, H.H. Moran (Jim Backus), discovers that Morris has been pretending to be Eagleman to make his son happy, Moran makes Morris vice president. H.H. Moran is all about family!

The more serious fantasy features Vernee Watson as Rochelle McKenzie, a reporter who is trying to track down Dr. Arthur Gates (Ralph Bellamy), a millionaire who vanished one day. Roarke explains that Dr. Gates has been spotted on the nearby Island of Mentu. Roarke warns her that the inhabitants of Mentu are not friendly and Rochelle will be putting her own life at risk if she goes to the island,

Rochelle still goes to the island and guess what? Roarke was not lying about those angry inhabitants. One of the men is horribly scarred. Another has to use a crutch but still growls at every human he sees. The island and the natives were exploited by a mining company and now, the natives distrust almost everyone they see. However, Dr. Gates has decided to dedicate his life to taking care of them. That’s a good thing because it turns out that the scarred native has a sick child and only Dr. Gates can provide the proper medical attention.

Both stories are fairly silly, though at least Rochelle’s story gives Ralph Bellamy a chance to take on the type of role that was usually given to Ray Milland. If you only know Bellamy as the guy who was constantly getting dumped for Cary Grant in the 30s and 40s, this episode allows Bellamy a chance to show that he could be a likable and authoritative actor. As for the Eagleman story, it was kind of uncomfortable to watch because Bob Denver looked like he was in his early 60s and it was hard not to worry about him seriously injuring himself whenever he put on the costume.

There’s an interesting moment in Rochelle’s fantasy, in which she tells Mr. Roarke that she feels foolish coming to the Island in pursuit of a “fantasy.” She feels that she’s being childish but Roarke explains that fantasies are not childish and that one should always pursue their dreams. Whether it was intentional or not, this scene serves as a mission statement for the entire series. Yes, Fantasy Island was frequently silly and childish but, in the end, it still resonates because people will always have dreams and they will always have fantasies. There will always be a place for Fantasy Island.