Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.28 “A Dress To Remember”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

It’s time set sail for adventure!

Episode 5.28 “A Dress To Remember”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on May 8th, 1982)

This week’s episode features three stories and one dress.

The dress, a lovely blue gown, is brought on board by diet doctor Dr. Alfred Farney (Kelly Monteith), who claims that his “muskmullet” diet will lead to Donna Baker (Markie Post) losing 10 pound by the end of the cruise.  The proof will be that Donna will be able to fit into the dress.  Alfred’s former partner-turned-rival Dr. Tucker Martin (Lyle Waggoner) is also on the ship and his plan is to tempt Donna into eating so much that she’ll instead gain 11 pounds and the dress will rip.  Boooo!  Shame on both of those doctors!  Seriously, Donna looks miserable for the entire cruise.  That said, despite the efforts of Dr. Martin, Donna still loses the weight …. in fact, she loses even more than 10 pounds.  She loses 11!  Doctors Farney and Martin agree to partner up again and Donna, who looks like she’s about to faint, suggests that they celebrate over pizza.  The doctors make some money and Donna gets an eating disorder but at least the dress looks good.

That dress goes through a lot over the course of one episode.  For some reason, Gopher and Isaac have been tasked with keeping it safe.  Why would you trust those two with something important?  Actually, Isaac is usually pretty smart and Gopher’s actually been behaving a bit more like a professional than usual this season so I guess they were just having an off-cruise.

Norman Lomax (Bob Denver) wears the dress (and a wig) to keep his ex-father-in-law, Tom (Forrest Tucker), from recognizing him.  Tom must be an idiot because Bob Denver in a wig and dress still looks and sounds like Bob Denver.  Norman’s ex-wife, Nancy (Brianne Leary), is also on the cruise.  Norman tries to win her back.

Finally, Tom falls for Rosie Strickland (Eleanor Parker), who makes her living selling flowers to people boarding the cruise.  When Rosie’s daughter (Catherine Parkes,) shows up, Rosie doesn’t want her to know that Rosie isn’t rich.  So, the Captain gives her the dress to wear and helps Rosie pretend to be a rich woman.  Fortunately, it turns out that Rosie’s daughter loves her regardless of whether or not she’s rich.  And so does Tom!

Myself, I’m a little bit concerned by the fact that the Captain just gave away a piece of clothing that belonged to one of the passengers.  That doesn’t really seem very professional and it kind of goes against everything that we know about Captain Stubing.  He’s a good man but he’s not exactly a rule-breaker.  That said, everything works out in the end.  Stubing even gets to perform a triple wedding.

The third story, I actually liked it.  It’s heart was in the right place, even if it was basically just a remake of Lady For a Day.  Eleanor Parker actually gave a really good performance, finding some much needed reality in Rosie’s character.  The other two stories were pretty forgettable (or, in Bob Denver’s case, annoying) but Eleanor Parker’s story made up for both of them, making this a very nice and ultimately rather touching cruise.

Quick Review: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (dir. by Jon Turteltaub)


The Sorcerer’s Apprentice may be one of Disney’s better Live Action features. Borrowing from a small segment in Disney’s Fantasia, it builds a pretty cool story and still manages to pay homage to the original in it’s own way. Executive Produced by and starring Nicolas Cage, the film reunites him with his National Treasure director, Jon Turteltaub.

In the Dark Ages, the great wizard Merlin fought a major battle against the evil Morgana (Alice Krige, Star Trek: First Contact). At his side were his three apprentices, Veronica (Monica Bellucci, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice), Horvath (Alfred Molina, Prince of Persia) and Balthazar (Nicolas Cage). When Horvath betrays Merlin, both he and Morgana are defeated, contained in a layer of nesting dolls. Veronica is also part of the doll as she sacrifices herself to keep Morgana at bay. In order for Morgana to be destroyed, however, this can only be done by the Prime Merlinian, a Sorcerer of unimaginable power. To find the Prime Merlinian, Balthazar is given a ring for him to use.

When young Dave Stutler encounters Balthazar in his curio shop, we find that the ring does react to him and he may very well be the Prime Merlinian. Dave accidentally frees Horvath from the nesting doll and is saved by Balthazar before the pair of sorercers are trapped in an urn. 10 Years Pass (to the day), causing an event where both Horvath and Balthazar are freed. Can Balthazar train Dave (Jay Baruchel, Goon) in time to defeat Morgana, especially when Dave’s attentions are more focused on the girl of his dreams, Becky(Teresa Palmer, Netflix’s A Discovery of Witches)?

Thoughout his career, one of Cage’s magical traits is that he fully throws himself into a role. Not so much ‘method’ as maybe a Jeremy Strong (which may be more over the top), but he brings his own style to the mix. There isn’t a Cage character that isn’t enriched by the performances he brings to the table. For The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, he’s slightly subdued, but still carries the moxie he had in fllms like Face/Off, The Rock or even Mandy. He does make for a good father figure in this film.

Of course, the supporting cast is great. Molina makes for a nice villain in Horvath, with Toby Kebbell (Rock-n-Rolla) as an evil apprentice. Baruchel’s performance is pretty similar to what he did for How to Train Your Dragon, which made him perfect for this.

Building off of the National Treasure films, there’s as much humor in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice as there is adventure. After all, we are dealing with a tale of magic and wizards. There’s a cool car chase and a nice final confrontation. The connecting scene to Fantasia is a cute one, with magical brooms and mops trying to clean the workshop was a nice touch. The main theme of the story is just learning to believe in oneself and trust in what you’re capable of.

Film Review: Anora (dir. by Sean Baker)


I sometimes forget that as a viewer, I have no control over a movie’s storytelling process. I remember watching Clint Eastwood’s Mystic River after blind-buying it and pleading with the film during a major scene between Sean Penn and Tim Robbins’ characters. I knew why the story moved in this direction. I understood the choices each character made and what brought them to this moment, but nothing could change the events. Not my pleas, not my anger, nothing. Great film, but hard watch. What’s presented on screen is the story we’re given.

Sean Baker’s Anora is a fun film in many ways. I was a little skeptical at first, but quickly found myself invested in where this story was taking me. Before you decide to watch it, however, you should know there’s a lot of sex in the first 30 minutes or so. I don’t know how Disney’s gonna handle that one when it gets to Hulu, but hey, Alien Romulus holds up just fine with the violence involved.

Anora introduces us to Anora “Ani” Mikheeva, a sex worker who everyone at her nightclub, Headquarters, adores. When she meets Ivan (Mark Eydelshteyn), it’s business as usual. He spends a lot, was looking for a girl who could speak Russian and Ani discovers he’s the son of an oligarch. They hit things off so well that during a party in Vegas, they decide to get married. When word of the marriage reaches Ivan’s parents, they send Toros (Karran Karagulian) and two of his employees, Igor (Yuri Borisov) and Garnick (Vache Tovmasvan) to have the wedding annulled. What starts as a simple task becomes a full on quest when Ivan panics and leaves. Will the group find Ivan? And if they do, can Ani convince Ivan to uphold the marriage? That’s the gist of the film.

In some ways, the flow of Anora reminds me of Norman Jewison’s Moonstruck. We’re introduced to Ivan’s extended family, and despite all of the issues, there are some small connections made over time. As they spend time trying to locate Ivan, I loved the interactions Ani has with the group. Without revealing too much, it all comes to a head. The pacing is pretty even. For a film that’s 2 Hours and 15 minutes, you won’t even notice how fast it moves.

When it comes to acting, the entire film is carried singlehandedly on the shoulders of Mikey Madison. She was impressive in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and she completely shines here. Ani is sexual and kind, yet fierce when it comes to fighting for what’s hers. She easily stands toe to toe with anyone she’s up against. Madison is easily due the recognition she’s received so far since the film was released. Granted, she’s not alone in all this. both Karagulian and Tomvmasvan serve as comedic foils in certain ways, which really help to move the story along. There are fine performances from all of the cast members, but these the ones who stood out, in particular.

The Cinematography is pretty standard in Anora. While there are a number of dark setting scenes, they’re all well lit. There any any shots in the film that stood out as being spectactular in any way.

The only real drawback to Anora is the direction of the story. It’s not a terrible thing. It may be more a realistic ending, more in the vein of Robert Benton’s Kramer vs. Kramer or Damien Chazelle’s Babylon, where you might find yourself hoping for one outcome, only to receive something else entirely. It doesn’t fully hurt the film. I’d argue that it might enhance it, considering how eager I was for what I wanted to see occur.

Overall, Anora is a fine film if you’re not discouraged by the sexual elements early on. You might find yourself cheering for Ani throughout her adventure, despite the directions the story takes.

Happy Friday the 13th From The Shattered Lens


Happy Friday the 13th!

Today is the greatest Friday of the year because today is not only the 13th but it’s also only a month until October 13th!  Some people consider Friday the 13th to be unlucky but those people have obviously never been the only “good girl” at a weekend party up at Camp Crystal Lake.  Ask any of them and they can tell you just how lucky Friday the 13th can be.

To our readers who are currently struggling today, we make the following suggestion: Turn off twitter.  Turn off MSNBC.  Definitely turn off CNN.  Block ABC from your memory.  And why not just sit back and enjoy the antics of those fun-loving kids up at Camp Crystal Lake?

In fact, in case you need help picking which movie to watch, I hve reviewed every single Friday the 13th! here on the Shattered Lens!  I personally recommend that you watch parts 1, 2, and 4 but it’s totally up to you!  Here’s some links to my reviews:

Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th Part 2

Friday the 13th Part 3

Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Friday the 13th: Jason Lives

Friday the 13th Part VII: A New Blood

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

Jason X

Freddy vs Jason

Friday the 13th: The Pointless Remake

And then be sure to check out: 12 Thing You May Not Have Known About Friday the 13th and my review of Camp Crystal Lake Memories!

The world will still be here when you get back, we promise.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!  Horrorthon ’24 is just a two weeks away!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.9 “A Novel Idea”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Mr. Woodman writes a book!

Episode 3.9 “A Novel Idea”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

When his father has an attack of appendicitis, Gabe rushes to upstate New York to be with his mother.  That’s right.  Other than a brief appearance at the start and the end of this episode, Gabe Kotter is absent from this edition of Welcome Back, Kotter. 

With Gabe gone, it falls to Julie to deal with the lates dispute between the Sweathogs and Mr. Woodman.  Mr. Woodman has written a book, a Civil War romance called Swamp Rats Of Savannah.  The book’s hero is Beauregard Ravenna, the “sliver fox” who is the headmaster of the Applegate School in Georgia.  Ravenna is a dedicated educator but he has to deal with four unruly students, the Swamp Rats.  Kloberino, Warpstein, Thorshack, and Baltimore are not only terrible students but they are also responsible for the start of the Civil War when they launch an attack on Ft. Sumter.  Ravenna must defeat them while also dealing with a deserter-turned-teacher named Gaylord Teesdale and his love-starved wife, Julie Luh.

When the Sweathogs get their hands on a copy of the manuscript, they are so offended that they write a science fiction epic called Space Hogs of Buchania, in which the heroic Space Hogs battle a tyrant known as Demento.  Woodman is as offended by their novel as they were by his.  Finally, at a summit held at the Kotter apartment and with Julie overseeing, Woodman and the Sweathogs agree to tone down their depictions of each other.

I was looking forward to this episode because the idea of Mr. Woodman writing a novel about the Sweathogs seemed like a promising concept.  Mr, Woodman has always been the most consistently funny character on the show and John Sylvester White’s wonderfully unhinged performance has always been a highlight of Welcome back, Kotter.  And indeed, there are some funny moments in this episode and John Sylvester White is responsible for almost all of them.  That said, the overall episode just fell flat.  The absence of Gabe Kaplan is really felt, if just because it requires Julie to suddenly go from being annoyed with the Sweathogs to instead being their enthusiastic ally.  It doesn’t feel right for Julie’s character and Marcia Strassman doesn’t seem to be totally comfortable with stepping into the role that was typically played by Gabae Kaplan.  I kept waiting for Julie to kick everyone out of the apartment.  Instead, she read everyone’s books.  That’s not the Julie we know!  As well, I was really hoping the show would go into even more detail about what was in each book, perhaps even visualizing a few of the scenes.  Instead, it was just a collection of scenes of people looking at pages and then saying, “Look what he wrote here!”  For an idea that has so much potential, the execution was a bit lacking.

As with so many of Welcome Back, Kotter‘s later episodes, this one that you watch and try not to think about how much better it all would have been handled during the first season.

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.8 “What A Move”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Kotters find a new apartment!  Say goodbye to that iconic closet.

Episode 3.8 “What a Move”

(Dir by Nick Havinga, originally aired on October 20th, 1977)

At school, Gabe asks Mr. Woodman if he ever told him about his uncle who went to a psychiatrist because he thought he was a radiator and he needed help to stop hissing.

“I can hiss too, Kotter!” Woodman snaps.

Why is Gabe telling his joke to Mr. Woodman?  Well, Julie hates his jokes and she’s also busy trying to find a new apartment.  The babies cannot grow up in a one-room apartment, especially one that is continually being broken into by the Sweathogs.  But this is New York in the 70s and a rent-controlled place is not easy to find.  Thanks a lot, Mayor Beame!

Fortunately, Epstein has a solution.  His uncle Mo owns a building and has a place to rent.

“You don’t want to move to Puerto Rico!” Woodman exclaims but Epstein explains that Mo is from “the other side” of the family.

It’s a nice apartment and with the help of the Sweathogs (because apparently, neither Julie nor Gabe know anyone outside of those four students), Julie and Gabe pack up and leave their old place.  They nearly leave the babies behind but, after Julie yells at Gabe, they go back and get them.

The new apartment seems like a great place except Uncle Mo (Herb Edelman) has a strict no baby policy and no sooner have the Kotters moved in than Mo is telling them to get out.  Epstein is so upset about his uncle’s behavior that he uses it as an excuse to start skipping school.  This is a crisis!  However, when an offended Julie and Gabe inform Mo that they will be leaving immediately, Mo asks if they wouldn’t rather threaten to sue him.  It turns out that Mo fights with his tenants for fun and he doesn’t mean half the stuff he says.  Gabe obliges by pretending to yell at him and Mo allows Julie, Gabe, and the babies to all stay.  Personally, I’m not sure I would want to live with a landlord who threatens to illegally evict me for snots and giggles but whatever.  I guess in Mayor Beame’s New York, you took what you could find.  Damn you, Mayor Beame!

Having taken care of all that, Gabe tells Julie about his Uncle Ellwood.  Julie dramatically rolls her eyes as the new apartment is christened with Gabe’s sense of humor.

Weird episode.  Watching it, one gets the feeling that the producers were trying desperately to find a way to renew the spark of Julie and Gabe’s marriage.  Marcia Strassman was notoriously unhappy with the the first two seasons of the show, going so far as to speak publicly about her dissatisfaction.  Season 3 seems to feature a lot more of Julie and Gabe’s marriage and Julie is getting to do a lot more than she did in the previous seasons but there’s such a visible hostility between Gabe Kaplan and Strassman that it’s a bit awkward to watch.  It makes one wish that the show could just return to Gabe telling the Sweathogs not to steal or fight other gangs.  The new apartment is nice but it takes more than moving to save a marriage!

Dear Guest: Movie Preview, Review, Poster, and Trailer


poster

Preview:

A couple checks into a vacation rental, only to find that the anonymous host likes to play games on its guests and you!

Ashley Bell (The Last Exorcism) and Noureen DeWulf (Good Girls) as a couple who soon regrets renting this picturesque home for their long awaited vacation.

Ab

Quote:

“Dear Guest, you are staying in my home now. You are locked in so don’t try to run.”

My Review:

Dear Guest is only about a 12 minute short horror movie. However, in those short 12 minutes Megan Freels Johnston (Director and writer) did everything she could to intrigue, scare, and horrify. After watching it several times I am still shaken. The music that plays in the background is just so enticing and enchanting…before you know it you are completely…Locked in….

Would I Recommend this movie?

Seriously, in less than 12 minutes ‘Dear Guest’ scared me, not only scared me, horrified me beyond most recent short books, movies, and novellas I have watched or read recently. So, for short story horror fans…. This!

I’m not sure how to explain it, but…. Enjoy Your Stay….

Here is the trailer:

Credits: Look At Me Films

 

New Movie Posters for you to see (With trailers included!)


I know, I know, I have been away from posting my normal movie previews and reviews for a while, that is my fault!

But I’ll be back to posting my normal movie previews/reviews soon!

Until then here are some things you can look forward to me previewing and reviewing:

A Perfect Host

2020 movie posters

Alien OutBreak

Alien outbreak

Covenant

Covenant

 

And last, but not least, You might have been…

Stalked

Hope you all enjoyed my tour through my movie screeners I get to watch this month!

The Tokoloshe: Movie Preview, Review and Trailer


Poster tokoloshe

Technicals:

Director: Jerome Pikwane

Writers: Richard Kunzmann and Jerome Pikwane,

Stars: Petronella Tshuma, Kwande Nkosi, and Dawid Minnaar,

Preview:

Busi, a young destitute woman with dangerously repressed emotions, lands a job as a cleaner at a rundown hospital in the heart of Johannesburg. Desperate for the money so she can bring her younger sister to Johannesburg, she must cope despite the predatory and corrupt hospital manager. When Busi discovers an abandoned young girl in the hospital, who believes she is tormented by a supernatural force, Busi must face her own demons from her past in order to save the child from the abusive monster that pursues them both relentlessly.

 

Review:

Between some of the other horror movies I have watched recently, and this one, South Africa is becoming a haven for independent horror movies (and I meant that in a good way). With mind f**kery and subtle scare tactics, this is one of the best horror movies I have seen this year! There is a good bit of subtitles in this movie, but, they never distract from the movie itself.

Would I Recommend The Tokoloshe?

Absolutely! As soon as you can spend your Bitcoins, Amazon coins, or any other coins you have and watch this movie!

Where can you see it?

The Tokoloshe will be distributed on all video platforms by Uncork’d Entertainment with Evolutionary Films on December 3rd.

Wait, What if  I can’t wait that long to see it?

Well, you’ll have to. But, until then here is the trailer!

 

 

My Pet Dinosaur: Movie Preview, Review and Trailer


My pet dinosaur poster

 

Cast:

Jordan Dulieu as Jake Emory

Annabelle Wolfe as Abbie Tansy

Beth Champion as Jennifer Emory

Rowland Holmes as Colonel Roderick

Directed by Emmy award winning Matt Drummond (Life After People)

Plot:

Recently after his father passes away, Jake is flung into a science project with the new girl in town, Abbie. After their science project goes wrong, with the help of a failed military experiment, a new being and chaos is launched on the town of Brightwood.

Preview:

A cross between E.T and Monster’s Inc, My Pet Dinosaur fixes on the unlikely friendship between a boy and a dinosaur.

Featuring state-of-the-art visual effects, a heart-warming tale of friendship and the beautiful Australian countryside, My Pet Dinosaur is the perfect family treat.

Review:

If I had to pick a late summer movie to curl up with my dinosaur (or any other pet) and watch, this is probably the one. It has everything in a family drama you would want. Yes, you parents will enjoy some of the snarkyness while your kids will enjoy the heart-felt moments. I fell in love with ‘Magnus’ from the moment I saw him. The movie is driven by a very young cast (Dulieu, Wolfe, Williams) who all give an amazing performance.

Would I recommend this movie?

This is a perfect Saturday evening family watch! Snuggle up with your kiddos, make some popcorn and have a great family evening!

my pet dino pic

When is it available?

On VOD October 2nd and on DVD November 6th

Trailer:

Credits:

My Pet Dinosaur is an Empress Road Pictures, in cooperation with Pinnacle Films Distributed by Uncork’d Entertainment