Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.10 “To Have And To Hold”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

The 100th episode of Miami Vice finds Crockett and Tubbs pursuing separate stories.

Episode 5.10 “To Have And To Hold”

(Dir by Eugene Corr, originally aired on February 10th, 1989)

When Sonny learns that his now-teenage son (Clayton Barclay Jones) is acting out at school, he hops on a plane and flies to wherever it is that his ex-wife (Belinda Montgomery) and her new husband (Parris Buckner) are supposed to be living now.  Sonny discovers that his ex-wife is pregnant and that his son is having a hard time adjusting to the idea of being an older brother.  He also doesn’t get along with his stepfather.  Sonny and his son watch the original, Boris Karloff-starring Frankenstein in a movie theater and have a discussion about family.

(Sonny’s son says that he relates to the Monster because the Monster doesn’t mean to kill people but he does.  Today, that would probably lead to the kid getting suspended from school and sent to a boot camp.  In 1989, though, that just meant the kid was feeling misunderstood.)

With Crockett gone, it falls to Tubbs — using his “Cooper” persona and his fake Jamaican accent — to investigate who is responsible for killing a just-married drug kingpin.  Tubbs meets the kingpin’s ruthless son (Miguel Ferrer, looking intense) and he also falls in love with the kingpin’s widow (Elpidia Carrillo).  Tubbs is in love and thinking of leaving Vice?  Needless to say, the widow is dead by the end of the episode.

This episode concludes with Tubbs and Crockett fishing on Crockett’s boat.  They’re both feeling disillusioned.  Crockett is still in love with his ex-wife.  Tubbs is realizing that he’ll probably never find happiness as long as he’s working undercover in Miami.  It’s a bit of a bittersweet ending.  Neither Crockett nor Tubbs seems to be particularly happy.  Miami Vice was always at its best when it ended on a down note.

This episode managed to give Crockett and Tubbs an equal amount of screentime and both Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas gave good performances.  Unfortunately, the divided format of the episode meant that both stories ended up feeling a bit rushed and incomplete.  The ending was effective and Miguel Ferrer gave a typically strong performance but otherwise, this was a pretty uneven episode.

Song of the Day: Every Breath You Take vs The Theme From Peter Gunn


I was thinking of re-binging The Sopranos next month and that led to me remembering this totally awesome bit of music from the show’s third season premiere!

Brad reviews MISSION KASHMIR (2000), starring Bollywood heartthrob Hrithik Roshan!


Happy 52nd Birthday to Bollywood actor Hrithik Roshan!

Around the turn of the century, I first became aware of the films being made in Bollywood, India’s Hindi-language film industry. It was then I noticed that the film MISSION KASHMIR was for sale at the Best Buy in Little Rock, AR. I figured that this must be a pretty good film to find itself manufactured, packaged, and being sold all the way over here in Central Arkansas. That was also around the time that I first signed up for Netflix. Not yet a streaming giant, Netflix was just a service for renting movies through the mail. I immediately put MISSION KASHMIR in my queue so I could check it out. This was only my third Bollywood experience, behind the very good films DIL SE (1998) and ASOKA (2001). I remember being fired up about the chance to see some new actors and discover a Hindi action film. Although not completely satisfying, I did find MISSION KASHMIR to be an enjoyable experience.

The plot finds Inspector Khan (Sanjay Dutt) living the good life. He has a beautiful wife (Sonali Kulkarni), a good son, lives in a beautiful house, and gets paid to periodically kick the posteriors of some bad Indians. Unfortunately, his success in his professional life has had some bad side effects. One particularly bad guy has put out the word that any doctor who treats Inspector Khan, or his family, will be killed, and as one scene proves, this guy is a man of his word. Next thing you know, Khan’s son falls and hits his head. Tragically, the boy dies because all of the doctors refuse to help him until it is already too late.

Seeking revenge, his face covered by a black ski mask, Khan tracks down the men responsible and viciously kills them all, including the innocent father, mother, and daughter of a family being held captive by the bad guys. The only survivor is the young son of the slaughtered family, Altaaf, who has terrifying dreams of the black-masked killer of his family. Inspector Khan, who feels extreme guilt over what he has done, allows his wife to talk him into bringing the boy to their house rather than allowing him to spend his childhood in an orphanage.

Life is just starting to get good again when Altaaf figures out that the killer of his family was actually his new father, Khan. After first pausing to try to kill Khan unsuccessfully, Altaaf takes off, not to be heard from again for 10 years. When Altaaf finally shows back up, he has turned into heartthrob Hrithik Roshan, is under the control of a psycho terrorist (played by Jackie Shroff) who has a plan to bomb the heck out of Kashmir, and has a new laundry list of goals in life:

  1. Use childhood sweetheart for terror purposes even though I still love her – check!
  2. Establish well-groomed bearded stubble look – check!
  3. Use kung fu training to good action effect – check!
  4. DESTROY INSPECTOR KHAN AT ALL COSTS!!! – ??????

I’ll let you discover the results of goal number four.

Before I go into my thoughts on MISSION KASHMIR, I want to note that while the film is set against the backdrop of the Kashmir conflict, it mostly uses that setting for its story of personal melodrama and high-octane action. I am no expert on the region’s complex politics, so this review focuses only on what I think of the movie itself, with no added political commentary.

As a movie, MISSION KASHMIR has a lot of good things going for it. First and foremost, I am a fan of action films, and I was looking for some good action scenes. This film did not disappoint in that department. From the MATRIX-like introduction to Altaaf’s adult persona to the final attempts to thwart the master terrorist’s plot, the action is presented in a highly stylized manner. Wirework kung fu, slow-motion carnage, and a hero wielding a massive missile launcher aimed at bad guys make for a pleasant viewing experience in my book.

Secondly, the film features some good performances. Sanjay Dutt’s portrayal of Inspector Khan is commanding, and I found myself really pulling for his character. It is hard not to be sympathetic to a guy who endures as much as he does here. This was the first time I had seen Hrithik Roshan in a film. With his matinee idol good looks, Roshan was emerging as a major star of Hindi cinema, even challenging Shah Rukh Khan, the reigning megastar of Bollywood. Roshan gives a solid performance as the grown-up Altaaf and is especially strong in the action scenes. The other major performance comes from Preity Zinta, who plays the girl Altaaf loved as a child and still loves as a man. I had seen her before in DIL SE and really like the naturalistic, best-friend, girl-next-door vibe she brings to her roles, albeit a very beautiful girl next door. It is easy to see why Altaaf has always loved her. Finally, as with the other Bollywood films I have seen, this movie is just beautiful to look at. I think the greatest cinematography of landscapes in the world is being done in India.

I do have a couple of complaints with MISSION KASHMIR. First, clocking in at over two and a half hours, the movie is too long. The story could have been made into a very exciting ninety-minute film. As it is, the movie seems to drag in places, with the insertion of songs and sequences that do not add much to the proceedings. There were times I found myself thinking, “OK, I get it. He really loves her. Now let’s move on with it,” or “Not another song…” Secondly, I felt that some of the songs were simply not appropriate for what was happening on the screen. For example, there is one peppy little dance number that leads directly into a horrific tragedy. Granted, the scene is effective for the surprise element, but when the film should have been building action and suspense, it instead throws in this routine, which took me out of the movie for a bit. These are the only real complaints I had.

Overall, I did enjoy MISSION KASHMIR. The movie is filled with strong action sequences, along with good performances from a talented cast. Although it overstays its welcome in certain areas, I still recommend this film and give it a 7 out of 10.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.8 “Easy Come Easy Go”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Time to get back to 1st & Ten.  To be honest, with all the excitement of the holiday season, I totally forgot that I was reviewing this show.

Episode 2.8 “Easy Come, Easy Go”

(Dir by Burt Brinckerhoff, originally aired on January 6th, 1987)

This is yet another episode of 1st & Ten that felt as if it was put together almost at random.

Mad Dog (Tony Longo) has a one night stand with a lawyer named Molly (June Chadwick) and he ends up becoming obsessed with her.  He shows up at a fancy cocktail party being hosted by Molly’s law firm.  “This man is stalking me!” Molly yells.  All of the men at the party are like, “Mad Dog!  You’re my favorite player!”  Now, I will say that this is a realistic portrayal of how most men act whenever they see a professional athlete but it still felt a bit icky to watch.

Jethro takes a blood test and discovers that little Tommy is not his son.  But he still wants to be a part of the kid’s life.

Yinessa sees a tabloid newspaper headline about his “nude pictures” and starts yelling at a supermarket manager for selling the paper.

Waldren is in financial trouble because he’s been tossing money around.  A group of gamblers approach him and offer to pay to shave points.  OJ Simpson (in the role of offensive coordinator T.D. Parker) tells Waldren, “I’m keeping my eye on you.”  Oh no!  LOOK OUT, WALDREN!

However, Waldren does not shave points.  Instead, he catches the ball that seals the Bulls victory in their first playoff game.  Woo hoo!  Go, Waldren!

A lot happened but, in typical 1st & Ten fashion, none of it added up to much.  It could be because the streaming episodes were edited for syndication but this is just a weird show.  Every episode feels as if their huge chunks of plot missing.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 7.1 and 7.2 “China Cruise: The Pledge/East Meets West/Dear Roberta/My Two Dumplings”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, we begin season 7!

Episodes 7.1 and 7.2 “China Cruise: The Pledge/East Meets West/Dear Roberta/My Two Dumplings”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on October 1st, 1983)

It’s time for season seven of The Love Boat!

Gopher has been promoted to head purser.  For six seasons, he was assistant purser and I always wondered who the head purser was.  Apparently, there wasn’t one because Stubing promoted him without firing anyone.  It’s possible that I just don’t know how cruise ships work.

The Love Boat crew starts off the season with a cruise around China!  I guess the old saying is true — only Stubing could go to China.  I kept waiting for Stubing to announce that he recognized Taiwan as an independent nation but he didn’t.  I was a little bit disappointed by that.  Instead, Stubing and the crew saw the sights.  There’s a panda bear!  There’s the Great Wall of China!  There’s a bunch of young people all singing, almost as the future of their loved ones depended on doing a good job!  In fact, this premiere episode is really more about seeing the sights of China than it is about any of the drama playing out on the boat.  I guess that makes since.  This episode aired in the pre-Internet age of 1983, so for the audience, this really was a chance to see a world that they probably couldn’t otherwise experience.  It’s not like they could go on YouTube and do a search for China or something like that.  It was up to The Love Boat to open up the world!

That said, Chinese medicine came in for a bit of criticism.  Susan Anton played a woman who didn’t trust doctors and who thought buying a Chinese symbol for good luck would keep her safe.  However, when she suddenly had intense stomach pain, it was up to Doc to save her life.  Where’s your good luck charm now!?

Linda Evans played a woman who fell in love with Lee Majors, little suspecting that Majors was the author of the “Dear Roberta” advice column.  Some of “Roberta’s” advice led to Evans divorcing her previous husband.

Lee Horsley played a man with two girlfriends (Erin Moran and Pat Klous).  Uh-oh!  They all ended up on the boat at the same time!

Finally, Ursula Andress played a dying woman who fell for a mysterious but charming passenger (John Forsythe).  Unfortunately, Forsythe had a warrant out for his arrest and Detective Michael Constantine was determined to take him into custody.  This story was unique in that it had an unhappy ending!  While the crew had a few unhappy endings (Remember when Julie was left at the altar?), this was the first time that things didn’t work out for a passenger.

Was this a good episode?  It was, strictly from the point of view that I like The Love Boat crew and I enjoy spending time with them.  This episode was occasionally a bit too much of a travelogue but the Andress/Forsythe story carried some weight.  All in all, it was a decent start for season 7.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 3.9 “Cop In A Box”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Okay, we’re doing this again.

Episode 3.9 “Cop In A Box”

(Dir by Scott Lautanen, originally aired on November 2nd, 1997)

Oh, Pacific Blue.  How I have not missed you.

This episode features TC getting abducted by Harland Groves (Jeremy Roberts), a criminal who TC previously busted.  Harland traps TC in an underground beach bunker.  How Harland got his hands on an underground beach bunker is never explained.  Harland demands that TC’s rich family pay him 4 million dollars.  At the same time, he plans to use a chlorine gas bomb to kill TC.  Why he didn’t kill TC to begin with and then demand the money is never really explained.  It’s almost as if Harland secretly wanted his plan to fail.

I really didn’t have a problem with the idea of TC getting killed off.  Pacific Blue is one of the more boring of the shows that I review and killing TC would have livened things up.  At the very least, without TC around, I would no longer be forced to try to keep straight which member of Pacific Blue was TC and which member was Victor.  Unfortunately, TC manages to disarm the chlorine bomb.  When Harland attacks him in the bunker, it leads to a bunch of sand pouring in.  Harland is suffocated while TC escapes.

Oh well.

The cool thing about this episode is that Andy Buckley — who later played David Wallace on The Office — returned as TC’s brother.  The funny thing about this episode was the sight of grim-faced Palermo barking out orders while wearing his stupid bicycle shorts.  And the unfortunate thing is that TC survived so Pacific Blue will not be changing any time soon.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.21 “Bojangles and the Dancer/Deuces Wild”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  The show is once again on Tubi!

It’s time for our second-to-last trip to the Island.

Episode 7.21 “Bojangles And The Dancer/Deuces Wild”

(Dir by Bob Sweeney, originally aired on May 12th, 1984)

Sisters Audrey and Judy Jennings (played, of course, by Audrey and Judy Landers) come to the Island because they’re sick of men only appreciating their bodies as opposed to their other talents.  They end up meeting a hotelier named Rex Reinhardt (Stuart Whitman) who, after some poorly-defined drama involving his duplicitous chief of security (John Ericson), ends up opening a resort with the two of them.  Fans of the James Bond franchise will be happy to see Walter Gotell, who played the head of the KGB opposite Roger Moore in several films, cast as a writer who romances one of the sisters.

It’s kind of a sad fantasy when you consider that this is the second-to-last episode of the original Fantasy Island and the best they could do for this story were the Landers sisters and Stuart Whitman.  Not only were the guest stars not particularly inspiring but the fantasy itself didn’t really make much sense.

As for the other fantasy, it does feature a big-name guest star.  Sammy Davis, Jr. plays the legendary dancer, Bojangles!  Now, admittedly, Sammy doesn’t look particularly healthy in this particular episode.  Reportedly, by the time the 80s rolled around, all of the smoking, drinking, and drug-taking had finally started to catch up with him.  But, even while obviously ill, Sammy Davis Jr. still had the undeniable charisma of a natural-born star.  The fantasy is nothing special.  Joe Wilson (Glynn Turman) goes into the past so that he can dance with Bojangles.  However, Sammy Davis Jr. lights up the story.  He shares a wonderfully-acted scene with Ricardo Montalban, two old showbiz pros sharing what may have been a final moment together.

So, this trip to the Island was a mixed bag. Neither fantasy was particularly compelling and Tattoo’s absence was very much felt.  (Lawrence, I’ve noticed, tends to be rather judgmental of the guests which is something Tattoo never was.)  But at least Sammy Davis Jr. was there to add some life to the proceedings.

Only one more episode to go.