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Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.8 “The Demons”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters gives us the story of several Arthurs.  Unfortunately, it’s not a very good story.

Episode 2.8 “The Demons”

(Dir by Scott Alexander, originally aired on November 19th, 1989)

On an alien planet, an alchemist named Arturus (Richard Moll) is desperate to get more of something that he calls “Drast.”  He decides that the best way to do this would be to summon a demon and demand that the demon give the Drast to him.  However, when Arturus tries to cast the spell, he makes a mistake and he ends up summoning a human insurance agent named Arthur (Jeff Silverman).  It takes a while but Arthur eventually figures out that he is Arturus’s human equivalent and that “Drast” is actually gold.  Arthur lies and tells Arturus that he has to go back to Earth to get the Drast.

Once he returns to Earth, Arthur decides to cast his own spell and summon a demon to help him break free from Arturus.  Since Arthur uses the same spell the Arturus used, he makes the same mistake and he ends up summoning Arturo (Eddie Deezen), a nerdy, red-skinned, dog-faced creature from another dimension who, it turns out, is just as obsessed with insurance as Arthur is.  Arthur sends Arturo to take care of Arturus, which Arturo does.  For some reason, Arturo taking care of Arturus largely takes place off-screen.  Having the main villain thwarted off-screen really does leave one wondering just what exactly the point of the story was in the first place.

Most of the previous episodes of Monsters had elements of humor to them.  This is the first episode to actually be a straight-out comedy and it doesn’t work at all.  Richard Moll and especially Eddie Deezen do manage to be amusing but the majority of the episode is centered around Jeff Silverman’s Arthur.  Silverman spends a lot of time frantically running around his house and yelling.  It gets to be a bit annoying.  The episode is so determined to convince you that it’s hysterically funny that it ends up beating the audience over the head with every punchline and basically begging the viewer to laugh.  There’s a desperation to the show’s humor and it quickly wears out its welcome.  Even potentially interesting ideas — like both Arturus and Arthur screwing up the same spell in the same way — ultimately fall flat.  Watching this episode, I was very much aware of the feeling of wanting to like what I was seeing considerably more than I actually did.

As I mentioned earlier, Eddie Deezen is really the only consistently funny thing about this episode.  The combination of his nerdiness and his fearsome appearance made me laugh more than I was expecting.  Sadly, I know Eddie Deezen has recently had to deal with some pretty serious health issues.  I’m hoping the best for him.

Next week’s episode will hopefully be a bit better.

The Films of 2024: Wanted Man (dir by Dolph Lundgren)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Johansen (Dolph Lundgren) is a San Diego cop who remains on the force despite the fact that most of his old friends and former partners have retired.  When he’s filmed beating up a Mexican man on the highway, he becomes the latest target of the Defund The Police movement.  It doesn’t matter that the man was a human trafficker who was driving truck full of kidnapped women.  Johansen has become an embarrassment.

Normally, you would think this would lead to Johansen being fired or, at the very least, suspended.  Instead, his bosses decide to send him to Mexico to escort two prisoners back to the United States.  Rosa (Christina Villa) and Leticia (Daniela Soto-Brenner) are two sex workers who witnessed the murder of a group of DEA agents.  Their testimony could be key to identifying the killers.  Despite his friend and former partner, Brynner (Kelsey Grammer), telling him that he should just retire rather than allow the police department to continually push him around, Johansen heads down to Mexico.

It turns out that bringing the women back to the United States is not going to be easy.  A roadside ambush leaves Leticia dead and Johansen severely wounded.  Though Rosa’s initial instinct is to abandon Johansen in the desert, she eventually takes him to the home of her cousin, a police officer named Miguel (Rocko Reyes).  As Johansen recovers, he discovers that the people who want Rosa dead are not going to give up and that he cannot trust anyone.

Let’s give some credit where credit is due.  Dolph Lundgren knows how to direct an efficient B-movie.  He has an adequate visual eye, he makes good use of the arid desert setting, and he gets believable performances out of the majority of his cast.  Christina Villa especially does a good job as the tough but ultimately kind-hearted Rosa.  The movie has a bit more going on underneath the surface than the typical B-action film.  Johansen is forced to reconsider his own prejudices while the film’s villains argue that they were forced into their actions by a society that refuses to take care of those who are expected to risk their lives to protect the status quo.  It’s not a dumb movie, though it does feature a lot of characters doing rather dumb things and the big twist demands that the viewer accept one too many coincidences.

Lundgren not only directed but co-wrote the script.  Apparently, he first came up with the idea of the film in 2006.  Interestingly, it’s obvious that the film went into production when Defund The Police was still a strong and powerful political movement and the film itself ultimately suggests that the police should be, if not defunded, at least massively reformed.  Of course, by the time the film was released in January, the Defund movement was considerably less powerful and was being blamed for the sharp increase in crime across the nation.  Chants of “Defund the police” have been replaced by cries of “Fund the police, for the love of God!”  That’s the danger which trying to make a film with a political subtext in an age with a 24-hour news cycle.  What was popular when a film goes into production will often be a spent force by the time the film actually gets released.

As for Wanted Man, it’s an efficient B-movie that gets the job done.  If nothing else, the sight of Dolph Lundgren and Kelsey Grammer playing best friends is just weird enough to keep things watchable.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Baywatch Nights 2.4 “The Strike”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, a detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Mitch is struck by lightning!

Episode 2.4 “The Strike”

(Dir by David W. Hagar, originally aired on October 20th, 1996)

While working as a lifeguard, Mitch saves a young man named Jake (Sean Blodgett) from drowning.  However, no sooner has Mitch pulled Jake out of the ocean and shaken his hand than they are struck by a sudden lightning bolt.  (Being struck by lightning is a scary thing but I have to admit that I chuckled a bit at the random lighting bolt in this episode.  It seriously just came out of nowhere!)  A bunch of Baywatch lifeguards run out to rescue both Mitch and Jake.  What’s interesting is that none of these lifeguards were from the main series.  (Seriously, I would have thought that at least Michael Newman would have shown up.)  Baywatch Nights was trading on the Baywatch name but, other than David Hasselhoff, it couldn’t afford any of the Baywatch actors.

Due to being struck by lightning (and, oddly, the show seems to suggest that the lightning truly was just a random thing that happened), Mitch and Jake become psychically linked.  Mitch can hear Jake’s thoughts in his mind and when it becomes obvious that Jake is an alien being pursued by a mysterious organization, Mitch, Ryan, and Daimont set out to track Jake down and rescue him.

This episode, with its hints of government cover-ups and alien conspiracies, owes a lot to The X-Files.  (Actually, the entire second season of Baywatch Nights owes a considerable debt to The X-Files.)  As a student of conspiracy theories (albeit a skeptical one), I appreciated the episode’s attempt to create a genuine atmosphere of paranoia.  That said, this is still Baywatch Nights and that means that the majority of the episode was basically Mitch and Jake being chased from one location to another.  It all got to be a bit repetitive but it remained entertaining.

The best part of this episode is that it allows David Hasselhoff to embrace his inner William Shatner.  Hasselhoff has always been a natural overactor and he’s at his most likable when he’s not being at all subtle.  This episode not only features the Hoff getting mad about a conspiracy but it also involves a few scenes where he starts to speak in Jake’s voice as a result of their mind-meld.  Hasselhoff throw himself into the performance.  Again, there’s nothing subtle about any of it but that’s the Hasselhoff charm.  As a friend of mine once said while we were watching Starcrash, “Every country should have a Hoff.”

This episode ends on a sad note, which gives Hasselhoff an excuse to get teary-eyed.  How can Mitch continue to be a skeptic after everything that he sees in this episode?  Will he finally be willing to admit that there are things out there that cannot be rationally explained?  You would think so but Mitch can be remarkably stubborn.  We’ll find out next week!

The Films of 2024: Madame Web (dir by S.J. Clarkson)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Cassie Webb (Dakota Johnson) is a paramedic in New York City.  Haunted by the fact that her mother died while giving birth to her while looking for a special spider in Peru (and I cannot believe that I just wrote that), Cassie struggles with showing her emotions and opening up to people.  In fact, her only friend appears to be her fellow paramedic, Ben Parker (Adam Scott).  Ben’s sister-in-law is pregnant and Cassie tells him, “You’ll be a great uncle, Ben.”

After a near-death experience, Cassie discovers that she has the ability to see into the future.  She also discovers that a strange man named Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim) wants to kill three teenage girls, Mattie (Celeste O’Connor), Anya (Isabela Merced), and Julia (Sydney Sweeney).  Cassie does what anyone would do.  She kidnaps the three girls to keep them safe and then hops on a plane to Peru to find out how Ezekiel is connected to her mother’s death.

Madame Web is the latest entry in Sony’s Spider-Man Universe.  Because Sony has the rights to Spider-Man, all of the MCU films featuring Spider-Man have been co-productions with Columbia Pictures and have been distributed by Sony.  With Spider-Man emerging as one of the few characters to remain a strong box office draw for Marvel, Columbia has produced a series of Spider-Man-adjacent films that feature characters who have appeared in Spider-Man-related media.  While Marvel and Disney have Tom Holland swinging his way through New York, Sony has to settle for Adam Scott and Dakota Johnson in an ambulance.

I always assume that the folks at Marvel and Disney probably groan a little whenever they hear that a new Sony film is coming out.  The MCU Spider-Man films have been consistently strong, with all three of them proving popular with both audiences and critics.  The Sony Spider-Man films, on the other hand, often seem like throwbacks to the bad old days of the early aughts, when most comic book films were still cheap and kind of embarrassing.  Madame Web doesn’t do much to change this perception.  In fact, the film is even set in 2003, complete with a Blockbuster Video store prominently featured in one scene, Britney Spears’s Toxic playing in a roadside diner, and a totally random reference to American Idol.  (What’s funny is that the jokey reference to American Idol would really only work if the show were no longer on the air but actually, it’s still airing on CBS.  No one ever seems to notice anymore but it’s still there.  If the movie really had any guts, it would have had Dakota Johnson says that she was going home to watch Paradise Hotel.)

Slow-paced and featuring some of the most awkward line readings this side of a community theater production of Bus Stop, Madame Web is not a particularly engaging film.  After a truly abysmal prologue set in Peru, the film spends about half-an-hour giving us a tour of Cassie’s not particularly interesting life as a tough New York paramedic before finally getting started on the main story.  And even then, the film leaves the viewer feeling cheated because none of three girls — who we are told are all destined to become super heroes — actually become super powered over the course of the film.  The film basically says, “They’re all going to be Spiderwoman …. BUT NOT TODAY!”   The problem with that approach is that it’s hard not to feel that the only interesting thing about the three girls is that they’re eventually going to have super powers.  Without the powers, they’re just kind of boring.  Cassie is the only one who has a super power but being able to see three minutes into the future isn’t that much of a power.  Dakota Johnson and the rest of the cast all seem to be bored out of their minds and who can blame them?

The main problem with Madame Web is that it’s just not much fun.  The best super hero films are fun to watch.  That goes for the Marvel films, the DC films, and even the Sony films.  (Admit it, the first Venom was kind of fun.)  Even with The Dark Knight films, Christopher Nolan understood that the villains had to be flamboyant to make up for Christian Bale’s rather dour Batman.  In this film, we’re never quite sure what Ezekiel wants or even who he is.  He’s just a random evil guy and not a particularly memorable one.  Madame Web does make some attempts at humor but the sitcom-style jokes are negated by Dakota Johnson’s flat delivery.  (Oddly enough, sitcom veteran Adam Scott is stuck playing a serious character.)  Overall, there’s an overwhelming blandness to Madame Web.  It doesn’t engage,.  It doesn’t thrill.  It doesn’t make you cheer or even jeer.  It’s just kind of there.

The film sets up a sequel but, judging from how the film did at the box office and how not even the film’s cast has pretended to be happy with how the film turned out, I’d expect to see Morbius 2 before another installment of Madame Web. 

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  It’s time to start the 5th season!

Episode 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season brings some changes to Fantasy Island.

For instance, at the start of the season premiere, Roarke gifts Tattoo a platform that he can stand on while greeting and saying goodbye to the guests and so that he can, visually, be on equal footing with Mr. Roarke.  From what I’ve read, this was something that Herve Villechaize specifically requested as a condition for agreeing to continue with the show.  Considering that the previous season didn’t give Tattoo much to do, I can understand Villechaize’s logic.

The other big change is that Roarke has a new assistant.  His goddaughter, Julie (Wendy Schaal), has spent the summer working on Fantasy Island.  She only appears briefly in this episode, asking Mr. Roarke if she can greet the guests with him.  Roarke tells her that she’s not quite ready but perhaps next week, she will get the opportunity….

And really, Julie should feel good about that because neither fantasy is really that interesting this week.

Matt Kane (Sonny Bono) is a short sportswriter who wants to become a great basketball player and play for a team called the California Top Hatters (who the Hell came up with that name?) because he thinks that’s the only way that he’ll be able to win the heart of Ginger Donavon (Jenilee Harrison), the daughter of the team’s coach (Forrest Tucker).  Mr. Roarke warns Matt that there’s more to love than being able to play basketball but he still gives Matt a pair of magic sneakers.

Matt becomes a great basketball player.  (For some reason, the team is practicing on Fantasy Island).  Coach Donavon says that, if Matt wants a place on the team, he’ll have to beat out rookie sensation Skyhook Schuyler (Peter Isacksen).  Fortunately, Matt comes to realize that he can’t win Ginger by being the best player.  Instead, he has to be a better person.  He removes his shoes and bombs the try out.  But he gets to leave the island with Ginger.

Sonny Bono was a frequent guest star on both this show and The Love Boat.  He always played dorky guys who tried too hard to be cool.  That’s certainly the case here but what should be charming is made a bit bland by the total lack of chemistry between him and Jenilee Harrison.  On the plus side, Tattoo actually gets to do something in this fantasy, serving as a confidante to Skyhook.  It turns out that Skyhook is just as insecure about being tall as Tattoo is about being short.  To help Skyhook, Tattoo paints a picture of him so that Skyhook can see his kind soul.  Awwww!  Seriously, Herve Villechaize totally earned his right to stand on that platform.

As for the other fantasy, Helen Ross (Connie Stevens) is engaged to Ted Kingman (Martin Milner) but she can’t get over her former lover, John Day (David Hedison).  She thinks that John died while serving in the military but Mr. Roarke reveals that John actually survived the war and he lives on a nearby island.  Helen is reunited with John, just to discover that he’s a cad who faked his own death and became a deserter.  Helen leaves the Island feeling confident in her decision to marry Ted.

It’s only after she leaves that the truth is revealed.  Ted is currently serving a prison sentence.  Mr. Roarke arranged for Ted to have a weekend with freedom, on the condition that he lie about his situation to Helen so that she could move on from their failed romance.  So, basically, Mr. Roarke took Helen’s money and then lied to her.  Uhmm …. seriously, what the Hell, Mr. Roarke?

This was a bit of an underwhelming start for the fifth season but fear not!  Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns as the Devil and he wants Mr. Roarke’s soul!

Til then….

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.4 “Disaster Squad”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch attacks a reporter …. or does he?

Episode 2.4 “Disaster Squad”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on October 7th, 1978)

In a change-of-pace for this show, it’s Officer Jon Baker who gets a girlfriend in this week’s episode.  Ellen Roberts (Liberty Godshall) is a recently divorced woman with an annoying 4 year-old named Chris (Christian Zika).  Because Baker doesn’t want any kids around to ruin his action, he gets Ponch to hang out with Chris.  Fortunately, it turns out that Chris loves motorcycle and even owns his own mini-bike.

Impressed by how well Chris can handle his bike, Ponch enters Chris in a children’s dirt bike race.  When one of the other racers knocks Chris down in the middle of the race, an angry Chris says that he’s going to hit the other racer.  Ponch tells Chris to never hit anyone and he says that he’s ashamed to hear Chris speak like that.  Chris promises not to ever fight.

But then, the next morning, Chris turns on the TV and sees a report about Ponch punching out an obnoxious news reporter (Harvey Jason) who got in the way while Ponch and Jon were dealing with a suicidal motorist.  The anchorman (played by Regis Philbin!) then comes on TV and basically says that Ponch is the epitome of everything bad about the police.   Chris starts sobbing.  Ponch lied about not fighting!  Chris hops on his mini-bike and, still crying, drives away.

What Chris doesn’t know is that Ponch was set up.  Lee and the members of “the Disaster Squad” have been following Ponch and Baker around, filming accidents, and getting in the way.  (At one point, one of Lee’s men event tosses a road flair under a car that’s leaking oil, causing an explosion.)  Lee doctored the tape of an earlier confrontation with Ponch to make it appear the Ponch threatened and hit him.

But that doesn’t matter to Chris.  With tears flowing down his cheeks, he drives his little motorcycle into the Los Angeles river.  Fortunately, Ponch and Baker find him in time to save his life and teach him an important lesson about fake news.

This episode …. where to begin?  It opened with a good chase scene and it featured a truck flipping over so that was good.  But then bratty little Chris showed up and the whole episode went downhill.  The child playing Chris was, to be charitable, not exactly the world’s best actor and his over-the-top reaction to seeing Ponch hit someone was bit too silly to inspire anything other than a chuckle.  “Ponch said never to hit anyone!” Chris wails.  Well, kid, Ponch is a damn hypocrite.  Sorry.

It was all pretty silly.  Baker finally got to do something other than gaze at Ponch in amazement but, in the end, the story was still pretty much Ponch-centered.  One thing I noticed about this episode is that Getraer had absolutely no sympathy for Ponch, even though he believed Ponch was being set up.  Seriously, I get that Getraer has a lot to deal with but does he have to be a jerk all the time?

Next week …. Ponch and Baker continue to keep California safe!

The Films of 2024: Orion and the Dark (dir by Sean Charmatz)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1995, an 11 year-old boy named Orion (voiced by Jacob Tremblay) lives in Philadelphia.

He has two loving parents.  He lives in a nice house.  He has his fist crush, on his classmate Sally (voiced by Shino Nakamichi).  He has a bully (voiced by Jack Fisher) who enjoys giving him a hard time and he has several notebooks full of his thoughts and drawings.  He also has a lot of fears.

Indeed, it’s his fears that largely define Orion.  Some of his fears are understandable.  I don’t like wasps or murder clowns either.  Some of his other fears are a bit more elaborate.  He’s scared of his bully but he’s even more scared of fighting his bully because he might accidentally break the bully’s nose and drive a piece of bone into the bully’s brain, therefore killing him.  His biggest fear, however, is his fear of the Dark.

In fact, Orion spends so much time talking about how much he hates the dark and how scared he is of the dark that Dark (Paul Walter Hauser) appears to him in human form and explain that he’s getting tired of Orion blaming him for anything.  Dark takes Orion with him as he travels across the world, bringing darkness to various countries and overseeing various other elements, like Sweet Dreams (Angela Bassett), Unexplained Noises (Golda Rosheuvel), Insomnia (Nat Faxon), Quiet (Aparna Nancherla), and Sleep (Natasia Demetriou).  Dark shows Orion that there’s no need to scared of the dark and that everyone involved is just doing their job.  Orion comes to understand and appreciate Dark but, when he makes the mistake of saying that he still kind of likes Light (voice by Ike Barinholtz) better, it leads to a lot of hurt feelings and resignations….

If this sounds a bit weird, one should keep in mind that the story is being told by the adult Orion (voiced by Colin Hanks) to his daughter, Hypathia (Mia Akemi Brown).  Adult Orion is telling the story to help Hypathia deal with her own fears and it soon becomes obvious that he’s making it up as he goes along.  Hypathia is aware of this and has no hesitation about calling out the stuff that doesn’t make any sense.  And when Orion proves incapable of coming up with a satisfactory ending for his story, Hypathia jumps into the story herself in an attempt to bring it all to a proper conclusion.  But once she’s in the story, can she get back out?

Orion and the Dark may sound like a standard “conquer your fears and believe in yourself” animated film but the script was written by Charlie Kaufman and, in typical Kaufman fashion, the story is full of twists and turns and more than a few moments of commentary on the whole act of storytelling itself.  There’s actually a lot going on in Orion and the Dark, with the film ultimately becoming a tribute to the power of imagination and to all of the parents-turned-storytellers in the world.

I’m a bit notorious for crying while watching animated films and I will say that Orion and the Dark brought tears to my eyes more than a few times.  It’s an incredibly sweet movie, one that can be appreciated by both children and adults.  It’s a movie about not just conquering fears but also using those fears to make oneself stronger.  The final message is that light cannot exist without the dark and vice versa but that’s okay.  There’s much to love in the light but the dark can be lovable too.  Fear is a part of life but it’s not the only part of life.

Creatively-animated and featuring a strong cast of voice actors, Orion and the Dark is definitely one to check out.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.14 “Yankee Dollar”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Sonny’s latest girlfriend gets involved in the drug trade.

Episode 2.14 “Yankee Dollar”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on January 17th, 1986)

It’s another night in Miami.  Sonny Crockett is looking forward to driving out to the airport and picking up his latest girlfriend, a flight attendant named Sarah (Audrey Matson).  For two years, Sarah has been working the Miami to Bogota to Paris and back route.  She doesn’t make a lot of money but, as is typical for this show, she lives in a small but very nicely furnished house.

Unfortunately, Sarah dies shortly after Sonny picks her up.  She goes into cardiac arrest, the result of a balloon of cocaine bursting inside of her.  It turns out that Sarah was working as a drug mule, all so she could make a quick five grand and buy a used BMW.

Seriously, what are the chances that Sonny Crockett’s girlfriend would turn out to be a drug smuggler?  Maybe she thought she was dating Sonny Burnett.  Or maybe, like so many others on this show, she allowed her desire for the finer things in life — like a BMW — to lead her astray.  This is one of the major themes of Miami Vice.  In a society where conspicuous consumption rules, people will do anything to appear richer than they actually are.

When Sonny and Rico arrest Sarah’s brother, Tim (Clayton Rohner), they discover that he works for a wealthy businessman named Charlie Glide (Ned Eisenberg).  Everyone knows that Charlie Glide (a great name, by the way) is involved in the drug trade but no one has ever been able to pin anything on him.  In the past, Charlie avoided cocaine but he’s now looking to branch out.  Sonny and Rico go undercover to try to bring Charlie down.

Of course, it doesn’t work.  Charlie is smart enough to figure out that Sonny and Rico are trying to set him up.  Even after Crockett and Tubbs drag him down to the police station and Charlie makes a deal for immunity in return for setting up two other drug dealers (Anne Carlisle and Pepe Serna), he still tries to double cross the cops.  And even though the double cross doesn’t quite work, Charlie remains smug in his knowledge that he has immunity.

Except, of course, he doesn’t have immunity from all crimes.  Earlier in the episode, Charlie’s executive assistant, Max Rogo (Austin Pendleton), used Charlie’s gun to execute Tim.  Even though Crockett and Tubbs know that Max is the one who pulled the trigger and that Max is the one who decided to kill Tim, they still arrest Charlie for the murder.  (Max was apparently killed in an earlier shootout so it’s not like he’s around to tell the truth.)  “You changed the rules!” Charlie shouts as he’s dragged away.

This episode is Miami Vice at its most cynical.  Crockett and Tubbs can’t get Charlie for the crime he committed so, instead, they set him up for a crime he didn’t commit.  They did change the rules in that they decided they no longer have to follow them.  The episode is full of characters so desperate for money that they’ll do just about anything, even smuggling a lethal drug in their body.  Crockett can only watch helplessly as Sarah dies and, even as Charlie is taken away, there’s never any doubt that he’ll be replaced by someone else, the drug trade will continue, and more people will die just because they wanted to be able to afford a few extra things.  Crockett and Tubbs are fighting a war that can never be won.  Whatever victories they get ultimately feel hollow.  Arresting Charlie won’t bring Sarah back and it won’t stop more innocent people from dying.  Ned Eisenberg was wonderfully smug as Charlie Glide and Austin Pendleton was appropriately creepy as the always-smiling Max Rogo.  This was a good episode, one that challenged the traditional cop show narrative.  How long can one fight a losing war?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.4 “Season’s Greetings”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Arthur and Yick experience memories of the way they were.

Episode 3.4 “Season’s Greetings”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on December 12th, 1988)

It’s Christmas time!

In the school cafeteria, the students have gathered for lunch and gift-exchanging.  For the first time, Spike brings baby Emma to school and Shane finally sees his daughter.  Meanwhile, Snake and Joey talk to Wheels, who is facing his first Christmas without his adopted parents.  Joey invites Wheels to spend Christmas at his house.  Wheels replies that he’s going to be spending Christmas with his grandparents and a social worker.  Yikes!

Unfortunately, those interesting storylines are only given a few minutes of screentime.  Instead, the majority of this episode is about Yick thinking that Arthur has let being rich go to his head.  The two exchange presents but then refuse to open them.  Arthur’s annoying cousin Dorothy (Annabelle Waugh) encourages them get over being mad by reminding them of all of their previous adventures….

Yep, it’s a clip show.  There’s Arthur meeting Yick for the first time!  There’s Yick trying out for basketball!  There’s Arthur giving Yick one of Stephanie’s old term papers!  Most of the clips come from the first season and they’re interesting as a reminder of the fact that, when this show started, Arthur and Yick were at the center of almost every first season episode.  Of course, eventually, Arthur and Yick would both be pushed to the side by characters like Spike, Caitlin, Joey, Snake, and Wheels.  Even in this episode, it’s hard not to notice that,while Yick and Arthur are remembering the past, Spike and Wheels are the one dealing with present storylines.

After remembering the past, Arthur and Yick decide to remain friends.  Good for them!  Upon opening the presents, Arthur discovers that Yick got him an expensive calculator while Yick gets an extremely cheap band that he can use to keep his glasses from sliding off his face.  Seriously, Arthur?  You’re the richest kid in school and you only spent three dollars on your best friend’s Christmas present?  No wonder Yick was mad!

Clip shows are difficult to review.  This episode was about showing clips and that’s what it did so I guess it accomplished its goal.  But I’m still looking forward to reviewing a real episode next week.

The Films of 2024: The Courier (dir by Daniel Calparsoro)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The year is 2002 and countries across Europe are giving up their old currencies and making the transition to the Euro.  The future looks bright, especially for Ivan (Aron Piper), a young man from Spain who has gotten a job as a courier.  He drives around Europe, often at lighting-fast speeds.  He takes money across the continent so that it can safely be hidden away in Switzerland.  Along with his lover and boss, Leticia (Maria Pedraza), Ivan quickly rises through the ranks of an international cartel.  Helping others stay wealthy leads to Ivan becoming wealthy as well.  Soon, he has fast cars, fast friends, a cocaine habit, and a mustache that makes him look like a 1990s NASCAR driver.

With its constantly moving camera and its voice-over narration, this Spanish film owes more than a little to the films of Martin Scorsese,  Ivan’s descent into drugs will be familiar to anyone who has seen The Wolf of Wall Street or Goodfellas.  Unfortunately, Ivan is never quite as interesting a character as either Jordan Belfort or Henry Hill, largely because Aron Piper is not as charismatic an actor as either Leonardo DiCaprio or Ray Liotta.  Ivan comes across as just being a punk who wandered into something that temporarily made him rich and his narration often descends into shallow psychobabble.  As a character, Ivan would never have the confidence to throw hundred dollar bills off of his boat.  He also wouldn’t have the creativity to pull off the Lufthansa heist.  He’s boring and all the cocaine in the world isn’t going to change that.

Interestingly enough, the film also borrows from Adam McKay, with an ending that highlights a lengthy list of consequences of Ivan’s money laundering operation.  Much as with the films of McKay, The Courier makes the mistake of assuming that everyone watching shares its dreary Marxist outlook and is going to be outraged.  The truth of the matter is that most people would probably love to hide their money from the government because only weirdos enjoy paying taxes.  The film assumes that the audience will be demanding revolution whereas the majority will probably be saying, “Hey, money laundering seems like a good idea and you get a nice car out of it!  How do I get in on that?”

(Scorsese, at the very least, understands and admits that most people would rather be Jordan Belfort on a yacht than the FBI agent on a subway.  Most people would rather be Henry Hill living in New York as opposed to being Henry Hill living in the suburbs of Indianapolis and being an ordinary schnook.)

The Courier does have its moments.  Maria Pedraza gives a good performance as Leticia, though you do have to wonder why she should would ever waste her time with someone as boring as Aron Piper’s Ivan.  Carlos Jean’s score is wonderfully propulsive and provides them film with a needed rush of adrenaline.  In the end, though, The Courier never really escapes the shadow of the films that came before it.