Tag Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on Daily Motion, YouTube, Plex, and a host of other sites.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!  It’s time to start the 5th season!

Episode 5.1 “Show Me A Hero/Slam Dunk”

(Dir by Phillip Leacock, originally aired on October 10th, 1981)

The fifth season brings some changes to Fantasy Island.

For instance, at the start of the season premiere, Roarke gifts Tattoo a platform that he can stand on while greeting and saying goodbye to the guests and so that he can, visually, be on equal footing with Mr. Roarke.  From what I’ve read, this was something that Herve Villechaize specifically requested as a condition for agreeing to continue with the show.  Considering that the previous season didn’t give Tattoo much to do, I can understand Villechaize’s logic.

The other big change is that Roarke has a new assistant.  His goddaughter, Julie (Wendy Schaal), has spent the summer working on Fantasy Island.  She only appears briefly in this episode, asking Mr. Roarke if she can greet the guests with him.  Roarke tells her that she’s not quite ready but perhaps next week, she will get the opportunity….

And really, Julie should feel good about that because neither fantasy is really that interesting this week.

Matt Kane (Sonny Bono) is a short sportswriter who wants to become a great basketball player and play for a team called the California Top Hatters (who the Hell came up with that name?) because he thinks that’s the only way that he’ll be able to win the heart of Ginger Donavon (Jenilee Harrison), the daughter of the team’s coach (Forrest Tucker).  Mr. Roarke warns Matt that there’s more to love than being able to play basketball but he still gives Matt a pair of magic sneakers.

Matt becomes a great basketball player.  (For some reason, the team is practicing on Fantasy Island).  Coach Donavon says that, if Matt wants a place on the team, he’ll have to beat out rookie sensation Skyhook Schuyler (Peter Isacksen).  Fortunately, Matt comes to realize that he can’t win Ginger by being the best player.  Instead, he has to be a better person.  He removes his shoes and bombs the try out.  But he gets to leave the island with Ginger.

Sonny Bono was a frequent guest star on both this show and The Love Boat.  He always played dorky guys who tried too hard to be cool.  That’s certainly the case here but what should be charming is made a bit bland by the total lack of chemistry between him and Jenilee Harrison.  On the plus side, Tattoo actually gets to do something in this fantasy, serving as a confidante to Skyhook.  It turns out that Skyhook is just as insecure about being tall as Tattoo is about being short.  To help Skyhook, Tattoo paints a picture of him so that Skyhook can see his kind soul.  Awwww!  Seriously, Herve Villechaize totally earned his right to stand on that platform.

As for the other fantasy, Helen Ross (Connie Stevens) is engaged to Ted Kingman (Martin Milner) but she can’t get over her former lover, John Day (David Hedison).  She thinks that John died while serving in the military but Mr. Roarke reveals that John actually survived the war and he lives on a nearby island.  Helen is reunited with John, just to discover that he’s a cad who faked his own death and became a deserter.  Helen leaves the Island feeling confident in her decision to marry Ted.

It’s only after she leaves that the truth is revealed.  Ted is currently serving a prison sentence.  Mr. Roarke arranged for Ted to have a weekend with freedom, on the condition that he lie about his situation to Helen so that she could move on from their failed romance.  So, basically, Mr. Roarke took Helen’s money and then lied to her.  Uhmm …. seriously, what the Hell, Mr. Roarke?

This was a bit of an underwhelming start for the fifth season but fear not!  Next week …. Roddy McDowall returns as the Devil and he wants Mr. Roarke’s soul!

Til then….

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 2.4 “Disaster Squad”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, Ponch attacks a reporter …. or does he?

Episode 2.4 “Disaster Squad”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on October 7th, 1978)

In a change-of-pace for this show, it’s Officer Jon Baker who gets a girlfriend in this week’s episode.  Ellen Roberts (Liberty Godshall) is a recently divorced woman with an annoying 4 year-old named Chris (Christian Zika).  Because Baker doesn’t want any kids around to ruin his action, he gets Ponch to hang out with Chris.  Fortunately, it turns out that Chris loves motorcycle and even owns his own mini-bike.

Impressed by how well Chris can handle his bike, Ponch enters Chris in a children’s dirt bike race.  When one of the other racers knocks Chris down in the middle of the race, an angry Chris says that he’s going to hit the other racer.  Ponch tells Chris to never hit anyone and he says that he’s ashamed to hear Chris speak like that.  Chris promises not to ever fight.

But then, the next morning, Chris turns on the TV and sees a report about Ponch punching out an obnoxious news reporter (Harvey Jason) who got in the way while Ponch and Jon were dealing with a suicidal motorist.  The anchorman (played by Regis Philbin!) then comes on TV and basically says that Ponch is the epitome of everything bad about the police.   Chris starts sobbing.  Ponch lied about not fighting!  Chris hops on his mini-bike and, still crying, drives away.

What Chris doesn’t know is that Ponch was set up.  Lee and the members of “the Disaster Squad” have been following Ponch and Baker around, filming accidents, and getting in the way.  (At one point, one of Lee’s men event tosses a road flair under a car that’s leaking oil, causing an explosion.)  Lee doctored the tape of an earlier confrontation with Ponch to make it appear the Ponch threatened and hit him.

But that doesn’t matter to Chris.  With tears flowing down his cheeks, he drives his little motorcycle into the Los Angeles river.  Fortunately, Ponch and Baker find him in time to save his life and teach him an important lesson about fake news.

This episode …. where to begin?  It opened with a good chase scene and it featured a truck flipping over so that was good.  But then bratty little Chris showed up and the whole episode went downhill.  The child playing Chris was, to be charitable, not exactly the world’s best actor and his over-the-top reaction to seeing Ponch hit someone was bit too silly to inspire anything other than a chuckle.  “Ponch said never to hit anyone!” Chris wails.  Well, kid, Ponch is a damn hypocrite.  Sorry.

It was all pretty silly.  Baker finally got to do something other than gaze at Ponch in amazement but, in the end, the story was still pretty much Ponch-centered.  One thing I noticed about this episode is that Getraer had absolutely no sympathy for Ponch, even though he believed Ponch was being set up.  Seriously, I get that Getraer has a lot to deal with but does he have to be a jerk all the time?

Next week …. Ponch and Baker continue to keep California safe!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 2.14 “Yankee Dollar”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Sonny’s latest girlfriend gets involved in the drug trade.

Episode 2.14 “Yankee Dollar”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on January 17th, 1986)

It’s another night in Miami.  Sonny Crockett is looking forward to driving out to the airport and picking up his latest girlfriend, a flight attendant named Sarah (Audrey Matson).  For two years, Sarah has been working the Miami to Bogota to Paris and back route.  She doesn’t make a lot of money but, as is typical for this show, she lives in a small but very nicely furnished house.

Unfortunately, Sarah dies shortly after Sonny picks her up.  She goes into cardiac arrest, the result of a balloon of cocaine bursting inside of her.  It turns out that Sarah was working as a drug mule, all so she could make a quick five grand and buy a used BMW.

Seriously, what are the chances that Sonny Crockett’s girlfriend would turn out to be a drug smuggler?  Maybe she thought she was dating Sonny Burnett.  Or maybe, like so many others on this show, she allowed her desire for the finer things in life — like a BMW — to lead her astray.  This is one of the major themes of Miami Vice.  In a society where conspicuous consumption rules, people will do anything to appear richer than they actually are.

When Sonny and Rico arrest Sarah’s brother, Tim (Clayton Rohner), they discover that he works for a wealthy businessman named Charlie Glide (Ned Eisenberg).  Everyone knows that Charlie Glide (a great name, by the way) is involved in the drug trade but no one has ever been able to pin anything on him.  In the past, Charlie avoided cocaine but he’s now looking to branch out.  Sonny and Rico go undercover to try to bring Charlie down.

Of course, it doesn’t work.  Charlie is smart enough to figure out that Sonny and Rico are trying to set him up.  Even after Crockett and Tubbs drag him down to the police station and Charlie makes a deal for immunity in return for setting up two other drug dealers (Anne Carlisle and Pepe Serna), he still tries to double cross the cops.  And even though the double cross doesn’t quite work, Charlie remains smug in his knowledge that he has immunity.

Except, of course, he doesn’t have immunity from all crimes.  Earlier in the episode, Charlie’s executive assistant, Max Rogo (Austin Pendleton), used Charlie’s gun to execute Tim.  Even though Crockett and Tubbs know that Max is the one who pulled the trigger and that Max is the one who decided to kill Tim, they still arrest Charlie for the murder.  (Max was apparently killed in an earlier shootout so it’s not like he’s around to tell the truth.)  “You changed the rules!” Charlie shouts as he’s dragged away.

This episode is Miami Vice at its most cynical.  Crockett and Tubbs can’t get Charlie for the crime he committed so, instead, they set him up for a crime he didn’t commit.  They did change the rules in that they decided they no longer have to follow them.  The episode is full of characters so desperate for money that they’ll do just about anything, even smuggling a lethal drug in their body.  Crockett can only watch helplessly as Sarah dies and, even as Charlie is taken away, there’s never any doubt that he’ll be replaced by someone else, the drug trade will continue, and more people will die just because they wanted to be able to afford a few extra things.  Crockett and Tubbs are fighting a war that can never be won.  Whatever victories they get ultimately feel hollow.  Arresting Charlie won’t bring Sarah back and it won’t stop more innocent people from dying.  Ned Eisenberg was wonderfully smug as Charlie Glide and Austin Pendleton was appropriately creepy as the always-smiling Max Rogo.  This was a good episode, one that challenged the traditional cop show narrative.  How long can one fight a losing war?

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 3.4 “Season’s Greetings”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989!  The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, Arthur and Yick experience memories of the way they were.

Episode 3.4 “Season’s Greetings”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on December 12th, 1988)

It’s Christmas time!

In the school cafeteria, the students have gathered for lunch and gift-exchanging.  For the first time, Spike brings baby Emma to school and Shane finally sees his daughter.  Meanwhile, Snake and Joey talk to Wheels, who is facing his first Christmas without his adopted parents.  Joey invites Wheels to spend Christmas at his house.  Wheels replies that he’s going to be spending Christmas with his grandparents and a social worker.  Yikes!

Unfortunately, those interesting storylines are only given a few minutes of screentime.  Instead, the majority of this episode is about Yick thinking that Arthur has let being rich go to his head.  The two exchange presents but then refuse to open them.  Arthur’s annoying cousin Dorothy (Annabelle Waugh) encourages them get over being mad by reminding them of all of their previous adventures….

Yep, it’s a clip show.  There’s Arthur meeting Yick for the first time!  There’s Yick trying out for basketball!  There’s Arthur giving Yick one of Stephanie’s old term papers!  Most of the clips come from the first season and they’re interesting as a reminder of the fact that, when this show started, Arthur and Yick were at the center of almost every first season episode.  Of course, eventually, Arthur and Yick would both be pushed to the side by characters like Spike, Caitlin, Joey, Snake, and Wheels.  Even in this episode, it’s hard not to notice that,while Yick and Arthur are remembering the past, Spike and Wheels are the one dealing with present storylines.

After remembering the past, Arthur and Yick decide to remain friends.  Good for them!  Upon opening the presents, Arthur discovers that Yick got him an expensive calculator while Yick gets an extremely cheap band that he can use to keep his glasses from sliding off his face.  Seriously, Arthur?  You’re the richest kid in school and you only spent three dollars on your best friend’s Christmas present?  No wonder Yick was mad!

Clip shows are difficult to review.  This episode was about showing clips and that’s what it did so I guess it accomplished its goal.  But I’m still looking forward to reviewing a real episode next week.

Retro Television Review: Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night (dir by Allen Reisner)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay.  Today’s film is 1977’s Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night!  It  can be viewed on YouTube.

Damn.

I mean, seriously!  I have seen some depressing films before but nothing could have quite prepared me for Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night.

Susan Dey stars as Rowena, a young single mother whose 3 year-old daughter, Mary Jane Harper (Natasha Ryan), is taken to the hospital with a broken arm.  Dr. Angela Buccieri (Tricia O’Neil) doesn’t believe Rowena’s claim that Mary Jane is just accident prone and when she discovers what appears to be cigarette burns on the little girl, Dr. Buccieri goes to the head of pediatrics (played by veteran screen villain John Vernon) and requests a full set of X-rays to see if there are any previously healed injuries.  Buccieri’s request is denied.  It turns out that Rowena comes from a wealthy family and her father (Kevin McCarthy) is a trustee of the hospital.  Even after Dr. Buccieri opens up about her own experiences as an abused child, she is told to drop the matter.

She doesn’t drop it.  Instead, she goes to a social worker named Dave Williams (Bernie Casey).  Dave does his own investigation but none of Rowena’s neighbors want to talk about all of the crying and the screaming that they hear coming from Rowena’s apartment.  Rowena presents herself as being a stressed but loving mother.  Dave suggests a support group that she can attend.  When Rowena goes to the group, she opens up a little about how overwhelmed she feels.  Unfortunately, she leaves Mary Jane in the apartment alone and, when a fire breaks out, Mary Jane is lucky to survive.

As intense as all of that is, it’s also only the first half of the movie.  The second half is even more intense and emotionally draining and it all leads up to one of the most devastating final lines ever uttered in a movie.  Throughout the film, the system fails both Rowena and Mary Jane.  Mary Jane is failed when all of the evidence of the abuse that she has suffered is either ignored or shrugged away by the same people who are supposed to be looking out for her.  Rowena is failed when no one pays attention to her obvious emotional instability.  When she finally does have a breakthrough during a therapy session, her psychiatrist (played by James Karen) curtly tells her that they’ll have to talk about it next week because their hour is up.

Rowena is a character who I both hated and pitied.  Like many abusers, she herself was a victim of abuse.  Even when Rowena tries to get support, no one wants to admit that a mother is capable of abusing their own child.  That said, Mary Jane Harper is at the center of the film. She’s a little girl who is desperate to be loved by a woman who often terrifies her.  She is continually failed by the people who should be looking after her and it’s just devastating to watch.  I’m sure I’m not the only person who was moved to tears by this film.

What a sad film.  At the same time, it’s also an important one.  If the film takes place at a time when no one wanted to admit to the abuse happening before their eyes, we now live in a time when people toss around allegations of abuse so casually that it’s led to a certain cynicism about the whole thing.  Even when seen today, Mary Jane Harper Cried Last Night works as a powerful plea to watch out and care for one another.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 2.6 “The Bear Facts”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Howard helps Murray master the bush.

Episode 2.6 “The Bear Facts”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on November 7th, 1986)

Murray, the teenage stockboy played by Simon Reynolds, has a problem.

He’s in the Scouts.  He promised his father that he would not leave the Scouts until he earned all of the badges.  He only has one badge left …. the *snicker* Bushmaster Badge.  In order to get *cough* Bushmaster Badge, he has to go camping with his father.  However, Murray’s father is in the Merchant Marine and is far from home.  Hey — maybe Howard could go camping with Murray and help him become a *chortle* Bushmaster!

Since Howard is actually being a nice guy in this episode, he agrees.  (As I’ve mentioned many times in the past, this show is incredibly inconsistent when it comes to how Howard is portrayed.  Sometimes, he’s a saint.  Sometimes, he’s the boss from Hell.)  Howard even puts on a scout uniform.  While camping, Murray talks about how his parents split up 12 years ago but that he still hopes that they’ll get back together.  (Awwww!)  Howard admits that he has never asked Edna to marry him because he worries that it would end in divorce.  Howard and Murray bond and you know what?  It’s actually kind of sweet.  Simon Reynolds is actually rather touching as the naive Murray while Don Adams, in the role of Howard, actually stops yelling long enough for us to see that Howard is a sensitive guy underneath all the bluster….

Of course, then a bear shows up and eats Murray.

Or maybe not.  Howard sees the bear and he runs away, just to later realize that Murray didn’t run away with him.  Howard assumes that Murray has been eaten.  Instead of calling the police or Murray’s mother, Howard goes back to the store and tells Edna, Christian, and Leslie about what happened.  No one seems to be that upset about Murray being devoured and that’s kind of sad.

Suddenly, Murray’s scoutmaster (Diane Douglass) shows up and says that she personally wants to give Murray his *ahem* Bushmaster Badge.  Howard explains that Murray was possibly eaten by a bear.  The scoutmaster is about to form a search party when suddenly, Murray shows up.  It turns out he wasn’t eaten after all.  The bear was really nice and Murray was not only able to escape but also make it through the untrimmed wilderness on his own.  Everyone agrees that Murray has truly proven himself to be a master of the bush.  Murray gets his final badge and, as a result, he can finally stop wearing his uniform.  Yay!

This was a weird episode.  It started out as very sincere and heartfelt and then it suddenly devolved into a bunch of jokes about a lonely teenage boy being eaten by a bear.  I have to admit that I kind of dug this episode, precisely because it was so odd.  The best episodes of Check It Out! are usually the ones where the show gets unapologetically weird and this one did just that.

Hopefully, next week will be even stranger.

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back, Kotter 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC  from 1975 to 1979.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Gabe is finally happy so, of course, Julie is pissed off about it.

Episode 3.21 “There’s No Business: Part 2”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on February 2nd, 1978)

This week, Gabe’s comedy career continues!

The Sweathogs are hurt when Gabe doesn’t even come by the school to say goodbye to them before their substitute teacher is brought in.  Julie is upset that Gabe agrees to do a muti-week tour without even asking her about it first.  (Then again, one gets the feeling that if Gabe had turned down the tour, Julie would find an excuse to get mad about that as well.  At this point, I’m just waiting for Julie to run off with Epstein but Marcia Strassman had more chemistry with Robert Hegyes than she ever did with Gabe Kaplan.)

At first, the only person who is happy about any of this is Mr. Woodman.  Without Gabe around, the Sweathogs are running wild and Woodman finally has a reason to give everyone detention.  “It’s Woodman’s Golden Reign of Terror!” Woodman declares.  But then the Sweathogs, due to being sad over being abandoned by Gabe, become listless and Woodman is left with nothing to do.

“We need you back, Kotter!” Woodman tells Gabe just before Gabe goes out on stage to perform.

Gabe agrees.  Gabe bombs on stage so badly that his show business career comes to an end.  Gabe returns to teaching.  “Did you bomb on purpose?” Woodman asks when he sees Gabe in the school.  Gabe doesn’t reply but we all know the answer.

The problem is that Gabe “bombing,” occurs off-screen and we only hear about it second-hand.  It’s hard not to feel a bit cheated because the idea of Gabe giving an intentionally bad performance sounds like it would have been a lot more fun to watch than sitting through yet another scene of Julie giving Gabe the death glare while Gabe looks like a deer in the headlights.

On the plus side, this episode did feature some good Sweathog moments.  John Travolta, who hasn’t really gotten a lot to do in the latter half of the third season, explains that the best way to deal with someone leaving is to pretend that they’re dead so you don’t have to worry about them anymore.  All of the Sweatogs dress up to visit Gabe before he performs and all of the cheap suits provide a nice visual moment.  The Sweatogs may not have the money for expensive suits but they still want to look their best when they see Gabe.  They respect their teacher, even if he is thinking of abandoning them,

In the end, this entire two-part episode was a bit of an anti-climax.  Because the show would cease to exist if Gabe actually did go on tour and we’re not even done with the third season yet, we all know that Gabe is going to eventually return to the Sweathogs.  And considering that Gabe seemed a lot happier as a comedian than as a teacher, it’s kind of hard not to feel bad for the guy.  He’s stuck with Arnold Horshack!  Your dreams were your ticket out but now your dreams are your prison.  Welcome back indeed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th The Series 2.3 “And Now The News”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, Jack is on vacation so Ryan and Micki try to retrieve an antique on their own.  Near disaster ensues.  I swear, why is Jack always running off?  How can you take a vacation when your job is to literally save the world?  You know who never got a decent vacation?  Atlas.

Anyway, onto the episode….

Episode 2.3 “And Now The News”

(Dir by Bruce Pittman, originally aired October 14th, 1988)

With Jack on vacation, it falls to Micki and Ryan to track down the latest antique, a cursed radio that will reveal information to its owner as long as the owner uses the radio to kill a certain number of people.  (The radio brings people’s greatest fears to life.  So, if you’ve got a thing about snakes, watch out!)  Micki and Ryan discover that the radio is currently in the possession of Dr. Avril Carter (Kate Trotter), who works at the local mental hospital and who is murdering patients so that the radio will help her with her research.  Dr. Carter really wants to win that Nobel Prize.

Ryan and Micki really probably should have waited for Jack to come back because their attempts to get the radio back leads to one disaster after another.  Ryan even manages to get electrocuted while trying to climb over the hospital’s security fence.  Micki, meanwhile, does manage to get into the hospital but she is soon reminded that the majority of the patients are serial killers and perverts.

The best thing about this episode is that radio actually has a voice.  Henry Ramer provides the voice of the “radio announcer,” who says stuff like, “And now the news …. after this murder” and such.  At the end of the episode, it even taunts Dr. Carter when she fails to kill the required number of people and announces that Carter will never win a Nobel Prize.  (The radio then proceeds to electrocute her.)  In a nice touch, the announcer continues to talk to Ryan and Micki even when they’re taking it down to the vault.  It offer to help them out in their quest, in return for a certain amount of murders.  Micki and Ryan end up tossing the radio back and forth between the two of them.  The episode even ends with a freeze frame of the radio in the air.  Hopefully, they got it into the vault eventually.

This was a fun episode.  The mental hospital was a atmospheric location, the radio was an inspired antique, and Kate Trotter gave a good performance as the villainous Dr. Carter.  After two less than enthralling episodes, And Now The News was a definite return to everything that worked about the first season.

Retro Television Review: T and T 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990.  The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Mr. T enters the wrestling ring and we all wonder what took so long.  Seriously, T and T, do you not realize who is starring on your show?

Episode 3.8 “The Mysterious Mauler”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on February 24th, 1990)

Teri and T.S. Turner are hired to investigate a series of accidents that have afflicted the wrestlers of the Galactis Wrestling Federation.  With the GWF royal championship coming up, all of the contenders are being taken out of contention before they even step into the ring!  Teri and T.S. think that a wrestler known as the Masked Mauler may be involved but the head of GWF, Mr. Barnum (Elias Zarou, chewing every available piece of scenery), refuses to reveal the Mauler’s true identity.  Instead, Mr. Barnum is more interested in putting a “hood” on T.S. Turner and sending him into the ring.

From the start, this episode confused me.  It opened with Terri excitedly telling T.S. that their money woes were over because they had been hired by an insurance company to investigate all of the accidents that have been taking place in the GWF.  Now, I could understand the company hiring Turner because he’s an established detective but this episode seems to suggest that Terri is now a private investigator as well.  But, in every previous episode, Terri has been portrayed as being an attorney who is almost as prominent and as successful as her sister Amy.  Terri suddenly working for an insurance company as an investigator doesn’t really make sense.  Aren’t the Taler sisters supposed to be crusading attorneys who have dedicated their practice to defending the little guy from heartless corporations?  But now, Terri is suddenly an enthusiastic insurance investigator.  Terri sold out!

And yet, this episode actually isn’t that bad, at least not by the usual standards of T and T.  From the minute I learned this episode was set in the world of professional wrestling, I knew that Mr. T would eventually end up in the ring while wearing a sparkly uniform and that’s exactly what happened.  Mr. T perfectly fits into the flamboyant world of pro-wrestling and he certainly does seem to be in a good mood in this episode.  From the second season on, T and T has often failed to take advantage of the fact that half of their duo was Mr. T.  This episode allows Mr. T to be himself.

As for the Mauler, his identity is eventually revealed.  He owns a pizzeria and wears a mask so that his wife won’t discover that he’s a wrestler.  The Mauler may be fearsome in the ring but, outside of it, he’s just trying to live a peaceful life and make an appetizing pizza.  Good for him!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 2.9 “The Secret”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, Jonathan’s in trouble and so is the audience.

Episode 2.9 “The Secret”

(Directed by William Claxton, originally aired on November 27th, 1985)

This is an odd episode.

While heading to visit yet another one of Mark’s former cop buddies, Jonathan stops the car at a country store.  He spots a young man being bullied by three rednecks.  Jonathan politely asks the rednecks to back off.  When the main redneck tries to attack Jonathan, Jonathan responds by punching the guy out.

UH-OH, JONATHAN’S BROKEN A RULE!  He immediately gets summoned back to Heaven for a disciplinary hearing and, as a result, he’s not in the majority of this episode.

I’m going to assume that Landon had something else going on that caused him to skip out on the majority of this episode.  (This was also the first episode of the series to be directed by someone either than Landon or Victor French.)  Still, having Jonathan throw a punch seems out-of-character.  Over the course of the first two seasons, Jonathan has dealt with a lot of bullies and usually, he just uses his powers to make their car break down or to make them trip over a branch.  The Boss has never had a problem with that so you have to wonder why Jonathan didn’t just make the bully’s car radiator start to overheat or something.  As well, it seems like Jonathan was acting in self-defense and to protect the guy who was being bullied.

Anyway, the important thing is that Mark has to visit his friend on his own.  Wes Fowler (Barry Jenner) has been married to Carol Fowler (Linda Miller) for nearly 18 years.  When they first married, Carol told Wes that she couldn’t have children and, as a result, they decided to adopt a young girl that they named Heather.  Shortly after adopting Heather, Carol did get pregnant and gave birth to Shelley.  Having recently turned 18, Heather (played by Leslie Bega) is now curious about who her birth mother was.  A little research leads to her discovering that her birth mother is …. CAROL!

Carol explains that Heather’s father was an ex-boyfriend who left town as soon as he discovered that Carol was pregnant.  When Carol married Wes, she wanted to adopt the daughter she abandoned so she lied about not being able to get pregnant so that Wes would agree to the adoption.  When Wes finds out about this, he gets angry and, along with Shelley (played by a young Shannen Doherty), he moves out of the house.

Can Mark put this family back together again?  Of course, he can.  And you better believe Jonathan returns to Earth during the show’s final moments.  This is Highway to Heaven, after all.

This episode felt off to me.  Some of it was the absence of Jonathan.  Some of it was the fact that, even when working solo, Mark didn’t really do that much other than stand in a corner and observe.  Both the soap opera dramatic and the performances were so over-the-top that they were impossible to take seriously.  This almost felt like a parody of Highway to Heaven as opposed to an actual episode.

Oh well.  So much for this episode.  Hopefully, next week’s episode, which apparently involves a man being mistaken for a monster, will be a bit better.  We’ll find out soon!