Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s Terror In The Sky! It can be viewed on YouTube.
On a flight heading from Minneapolis to Seattle, several passengers suddenly start to get ill.
Luckily, there’s a doctor on the plane. Sporting sideburns and wearing a turtleneck, Roddy McDowall is quite chic in the role of Dr. Baird, the dedicated medical professional who comes to realize that the passengers are suffering from food poisoning. As Dr. Baird explains it to head flight attendant Janet Turner (Lois Nettleton), everyone who had the chicken for dinner is about get severely ill. Uh-oh …. both of the pilots had the chicken!
Is there anyone on the plane who has any flying experience? George Spencer (Doug McClure) flew a helicopter in Vietnam but, as George explains, it’s an entirely different type of flying all together. George has no confidence about his ability to land the plane but he’s the only chance the passengers have.
On the ground, gruff Marty Treleavan (Leif Erickson) has been summoned to the airport so that he can help to talk George through the landing. Marty explains what all of the instruments do to George. He tells George that he needs to stay in the air for a few hours so that he can get comfortable with the plane. But the people on the plane are getting more ill and George says that he might be ding things up a little but he’s going to land this plane!
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
As I watched this film last night, I found myself saying, “Oh my God, this is just a serious version of Airplane!”
And actually, it is. Terror In The Sky was based on Zero Hour, the 1957 film that also served as the basis for Airplane! (The directors of Airplane! even bought the rights to Zero Hour so that they freely borrow whatever they wanted to from the film.) Indeed, much of the dialogue in both Zero Hour and Terror In The Sky also shows up in Airplane! Even the musical cues in Terror In The Sky and Airplane! are similar.
Terror In The Sky is not a bad film. It’s an efficient made-for-TV film that features several made-for-television veterans, including Keenan Wynn and Kenneth Tobey. Doug McClure grimaces heroically in the role of George Spencer and Roddy McDowall is as likable as ever as the doctor who hates to fly. It’s a very earnest movie about a group of people doing everything that they can to save hundreds of lives. They’re doing the right thing!
But it’s also totally impossible to take the film seriously because you spend the entire movie waiting for Roddy McDowall to say, “Don’t call me Shirley,” or for Leif Erickson to say that he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Every moment and every line makes the viewer think of something funny from Airplane!
Personally, I think they bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say …. well, you get the idea.
And yes, I did rewatch Airplane! as soon as I finished up Terror In The Sky.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewingthe Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, Bingo turns dangerous!
Episode 1.5 “Everyone’s A Winner”
(Dir by Gary Plaxton, originally aired on October 30th, 1985)
Jack Christian, the assistant manager of Cobb’s, has been assigned to oversee the store’s bingo promotion! He has handed out over 3,000 bingo cards to all of Cobb’s customers. Each day, a new number is drawn. The first person to get a bingo will win a free trip to …. GREECE!
Really, Greece? That seems kind of random, especially for a grocery store contest. It seems like it would be easier to just give the winner a discount or even a basket of free groceries. But no, the contest is for a free trip to Greece and everyone in Toronto is excited about it. However, when Murray the Stockboy takes a look at the bingo cards, he notices what everyone else has missed. All of the cards are identical. Apparently, in order to save some money, Christian gave the printing job not to the usual company that Cobb’s uses but instead to his cousin Lenny. And now, once the number 35 is called, 3,000 people will be demanding a free trip to Greece.
Well, that could be a problem.
Another problem is that, when two blind men shop in the store at the same time, the leashes of their service animals get tangled. Security guard Alf untangles the leashes but he gives the wrong dog to each man. The men don’t notice because they’re blind. That said, one of the dogs is considerably larger than the other and that really does seem like something that one should be able to sense, even without eyesight. The dogs lead each man to the wrong home. One man is injured when he falls in a pool. The other man has sex with first man’s wife three times. Now, both men want to sue Cobb’s! Howard’s genius solution is to give both men a shopping cart and telling them to fill it up for free. However, the two men’s dogs end up running through the store, knocking over the bingo machine, and causing the bingo balls to scatter all over the place.
Yay! For some reason, that means the bingo promotion is canceled and everyone totally accepts it because Canadians are nice people. Seriously, if they tried that in the States, the store would have burned to the ground….
Actually, one of the more interesting things about Check It Out! is that the show never specifically says that it’s taking place in Canada, even though it obviously is. Almost every member of the cast has a Canadian accent. All of the measurements make use of the metric system. And yet the show itself will often toss in random references to places and people in the U.S. For instance, Edna has a sister who lives in Florida. In this episode, Howard makes a reference to Ronald Reagan’s economic policies. One gets the feeling that the show’s producers hoped to fool Americans watching in syndication into thinking that this very Canadian show was actually taking place in the U.S. It reminds me a bit of how Italian actors and directors would often be credited with stereotypically “American” name in order to hide the fact that a film was an Italian production.
As for this week’s episode, Jeff Pustil’s portrayal of Christian’s growing desperation was amusing. Most of the episode’s jokes, however, fell flat. I’ve noticed that this show repeatedly uses the same joke structure. Someone will say something outrageous and then Howard will repeat it in a slightly shrill tone. It gets old after the 10tth times it happens. Admittedly, hhere was some potential to the story. (Check out TheOffice’s “Golden Ticket” episode for an example of this type of story done effectively.) But having everything resolved via a random case of Dues Ex Machina just felt like laziness on the part of the writers.
I guess the lesson here is that you’ll have to pay your own way to Greece.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, we have the start of a two-part story!
Episode 2.18 “Whatever Happened to Arnold? Part One”
(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 3rd, 1977)
At the apartment, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle who was a skin diver. His name was Mike Nelson Kotter. One day, Mike was shocked to see a guy go down 40 feet without equipment. When Mike demanded to know what the guy was doing, the guy replied, “You jerk! I’m drowning!”
At school, Epstein amuses the Sweathogs by doing his Mr. Kotter impersonation.
Gabe walks in on Epstein’s routine but he’s not upset because it actually gives him the perfect excuse to tell the Sweathogs about the school drama festival. He needs some volunteers to appear in one scene from a play, which Gabe will direct.
“Acting is stupid,” Barbarino says, “Pretending to be somebody else.”
Horshack disagrees and shows off his acting skills by falling to his knees and declaring his love for Freddie. Freddie proceeds to do his Harry Belafonte impersonation which leads to Barbarino ripping his t-shirt and shouting, “Stella!” before Gabe then does his Vito Corleone impersonation and compliments Barbarino’s Marlon Brando.
“I was doing John Wayne,” Barbarino replies.
Realizing that Horshack actually is serious about wanting to act, Gabe offers to direct Horshack in a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. Of course, Horshack’s co-star will be Judy Borden (Helaine Lembeck), who goes to Mr. Woodman to complain about having to work with a Sweathog, though she should be used to it by now as she ends up having to work with them every time that she appears on the show. Woodman tells Judy to do what he does and imagine that she’s a missionary and the Sweathogs are a bunch of cannibals preparing to eat her.
“Throw me into the pot! THROW ME INTO THE POT!” Woodman starts yelling.
Later, when Woodman sees Horshack in costume and carrying a sword, Woodman shouts that Kotter is “arming the Sweathogs!” before adding, “Call out the national guard!” Poor old Woodman.
Unfortunately, Gabe’s attempts to hold rehearsal are interrupted by Barbarino, Freddie, and Epstein, who all show up and proceed to heckle Horshack and Judy. First Judy storms off. That’s to be expected because that’s what Judy always does. But then Horshack gets angry, yells that he’s trying to do something good for all the Sweathogs, and storms off the stage.
The next day, there has still been no sign of Horshack. Freddie, Epstein, and Barbarino tell Gabe that they broke into Horshack’s house but didn’t see any sign of him or his family. With Horshack missing, that means someone is going to have to put on the fake noise and play Cyrano in his place.
“Stella!” Barbarino shouts.
Anyway, the day of the drama festival comes and Barbarino …. well, he’s not a very good Cyrano. He forgets his lines. He talks back to the audience. He and Judy argue in the middle of the scene. He dances while delivering the few lines that he does remember. He ends the scene by falling to his knees and screaming, “Stella!” But it doesn’t matter because he’s a young John Travolta and he’s absolutely adorable with his fake nose. The audiences loves him but Barbarino says that the moment feels hollow because this should have been Arnold’s moment.
“Where could he be?” Freddie asks.
“I don’t know,” Gabe says, “but I think the problem is something more serious than this play. But what?”
And, on that rather ominous note, this episode ends. Fear not, we’ll learn what happened to Horshack in the next episode. For now, let’s just remember that John Travolta did a very convincing Brando and a very amusing Cyrano. The entire cast of this show did a good job (and I especially enjoy John Sylvester White’s weekly descent into insanity) but episodes like this remind us of why John Travolta is the one who went on to become the biggest star.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!
Tonight, we have the first Halloween episode of Friday the 13th: The Series!
Episode 1.5 “Hellowe’en”
(Dir by Timothy Bond, originally aired on October 26th, 1987)
Somehow, it was not until I watched this episode that I noticed that the Friday the 13th antique shop is names Curious Goods. I guess that’s a good name for a cursed antique shop. (It’s probably more inviting than going with something more honest, like Evil Junk.) Certainly, it appears that it was good enough to keep the place open, even though the owners spent most of their time taking back the antiques from the people who bought them.
This episode takes place during a Halloween party. Is it a good idea to throw a Halloween party in a location that is full of cursed items? That’s the exact question that Micki asks Ryan but Ryan thinks that the store needs to do something to let the neighborhood know that it’s not as scary as it looks. Ryan is actually thinking like a businessman, whereas Micki is thinking like someone who just wants to find all of the cursed antiques so she can get back to planning her wedding. Personally, I think Micki has the right idea.
That said, it’s not a bad party. Ryan dresses up like a renaissance prince. Micki wears a black gown that is to die for. (I assume Micki is costumed as the lead singer of an 80s goth band.) Jack, who really should have been the voice of reason when Ryan first suggested the party, dresses up like a wizard. A lot of people from the neighborhood come to the shop and they watch as Jack performs some simple magic tricks. Unfortunately, the party is ruined when two dummies wander down to the basement and accidentally activated a crystal ball. The lights in the store go out. There are scary noises. Everyone abandons the shop, except for Ryan and Micki.
Where is Jack? He’s taking a mysterious little girl trick-or-treating, just to suddenly discover that the girl is actually a Satanic creature who was sent to distract him while the ghost evil uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) confronted Ryan and Micki in the shop. Lewis, who is wandering around because the damned are apparently allowed to do so only on Halloween night, lies and says that he needs the amulet of Zohar so that he can free his wife from a curse but, after Ryan and Micki stupidly bring him the amulet, Lewis announces that the amulet will actually allow him to transfer his spirt into the body of someone who has recently died, as long as that person died from natural causes. Lewis is going to use the amulet to return permanently to the land of the living.
Lewis and the little demon girl head down to the local morgue. Fortunately, Jack has broken free of the trap that the demon put him in and Ryan and Micki have, for once, managed to figure out what’s happening on their own. Between the efforts of Jack, Ryan, and Micki and Lewis’s own pickiness when it comes to picking a body, Lewis’s time runs out and he is dragged back to Hell.
This was a fun episode. Not only did did it feature Ryan and Micki wearing their very 80s Halloween costumes but it also featured an enjoyably over-the-top performance from R.G. Armstrong as evil Uncle Lewis. All Halloween episodes should be as enjoyable as this one.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!
This week, season one of T and T comes to a close!
Episode 1.23 “Working It Out”
(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on June 23rd, 1988)
“In this episode,” Mr. T tells us, “push turns to shove and shove turns to ugly as a battle of sexes rages at Decker’s gym.”
Of all of the supporting characters who have been featured during the first season of T and T, Decker (played by David Nerman) has been the most prominent. That makes sense when you consider that each first season episode features at least a few minutes of T.S. Turner throwing jabs in a boxing ring or hitting the punching bag in Decker’s Gym. Decker is T.S.’s best friend. He may not be smart but he is loyal.
This episode finds Decker in a bit of quandary because Jessie (Allison Mang) wants to join the gym but, when she brings in the membership fee, Decker is shocked to discover that Jessie can also be a girl’s name! Decker’s gym is full of men who like to walk around in towels and say stuff like, “Where do you think you’re going, little girl?” Decker says the gym is men only.
(Myself, I don’t know why anyone would want to join Decker’s shabby little gym, which looks like it reeks of sweat.)
Amy decides to sue for her right to use the gym and she hires Amy Taler. Amy sends T.S. Turner down to Decker’s gym to talk to him about letting Jessie join. Decker explains he has no problem with Jessie joining but gym bully Madigan (Kevin Lund) doesn’t want to any girls to join. How much of a bully is Madigan? His nickname is Mad Dog and he even accuses T.S. of “getting soft!”
Meanwhile, Amy informs Jessie that the gym is a public business and therefore anyone can join. She also points out that there are other gyms in Canada, some of which are co-ed and women only. Jessie says that Decker’s sweaty, shabby gym — which, I would add, has been the scene of several major crimes since this season began — is the closest to her house. Personally, I would happily add a few minutes to my trip so that I could join a gym that doesn’t look like the set of a bad 70s porno but what do I know?
“She’s effeminate, isn’t she?” Sophie asks Amy about Jessie.
“You mean a feminist?” Amy replies.
“Yeah,” Sophie nods.
Amy rolls her eyes without answering Sophie’s question. Personally, I’m wondering how Sophie went from being a computer expert in one episode to not knowing what a feminist is in this episode.
Back at the gym, Decker tries to talk Madigan into accepting Jessie as a member of the gym. Decker tells Madigan that the men of the gym will just have to stop walking around without any clothes on. “We’re working out and sweating!” Madigan replies, “It makes sense to walk around without any clothes on!” And maybe Madigan would have a point if he was living in ancient Sparta but this is Toronto!
Decker goes to the law office, to talk to Amy. Decker is worried that Madigan will kill Jessie. Amy suggests turning his gym into a private club so that he can bar women from joining and offers to draw up the papers for him. Whose side are you on, Amy!?
The next day, when Jessie shows up at the gym, Madigan and every guy in the gym walks out. Only T.S. Turner stays to support Decker and Jessie. When the guys fail to return the next day, Turner says, “Who cares? I’m here. Jessie’s here. Amy’s here.”
Decker points out that everyone who left is going to want a refund on their membership fees and he’s not going to have the money to keep the gym open. Decker will soon lose his business but at least Jessie didn’t have to spend an extra 5 or 10 minutes driving to a gym that doesn’t have a history of people being murdered in the locker rooms.
Later, when Jessie is out jogging, she’s approached by Madigan who explains that Turner has set up a “fitness test” at the gym to prove that Jessie has what it takes to be a member. Jessie hasn’t heard anything about this and — oh no! Is Madigan trying to trick Jessie into returning to the gym so that he and his evil friends can attack her!? No, actually, it turns out that Turner actually did set up the fitness test but no one bothered to tell Jessie, which would seem to defeat the purpose of the whole thing.
(Amy says that Jessie left the gym before giving Turner a chance to explain his plan to her but why couldn’t he just call her and tell her? I mean, I know this show is set in Canada but surely Jessie has a phone. It’s not like they’re in Manitoba.)
Later, Amy takes Jessie to the gym, where Turner is waiting. “Oh, Amy!” Turner says, “That’s a nice dress you have on. You got plans?”
“Dinner date,” Amy says.
“Don’t stay out too late,” Turner growls.
Anyway, the fitness test ends in a tie, which means that Jessie didn’t beat Madigan. This is a problem because, as Madigan points out, Turner specifically said that Jessie would have to win to join the gym. Jessie admits that “Mad Dog” Madigan is right. Decker suggests letting the membership vote. (Why didn’t you just do that to begin with, Decker!?) Madigan says he wants to fight Turner without gloves.
“Now I see why they call you Mad Dog,” Turner replies before removing his jacket in slow motion and then flattening Madigan with one punch.
So, Jessie gets to join the gym, all because one man knocked out another.
“You know, Jessie,” Amy says, “I think you may have started a revolution.”
Anyway, this was a silly episode. Jessie absolutely should have been allowed to join the gym, if she really wanted to spend her time at that ugly, foul-smelling hub of crime. But the episode’s main message appeared to be that you can accomplish anything as long as Mr. T is around to beat up anyone standing in your way.
Episode 1.24 “Now You See It”
(Dir by Patrick Loubert, originally aired on June 20th, 1988)
Amy — and not T.S. — provides the introduction for the finale episode of season one. “In this episode,” she tells us, “a psychic sees through a violent drug rip-off but no one is willing to listen.”
Despite not doing the intro for this episode, T.S. is still present. At the courthouse, after Amy wins an acquittal for a shoplifter named Billy (Simon Reynolds, the stockboy from one of the other Canadian shows that I’m reviewing for Retro Television Reviews, Check It Out.). T.S. tells Billy, “Look here, little brother, if you want to change your life, meet me at Decker’s Gym.” Is he going to try to set Billy up with Jessie? T.S. leaves to buy the Billy a sandwich, which means that Amy is alone when she meets Emma (Gwynneth Walsh), a psychic who wants to sue the the police for firing her because they didn’t like her vision of what happened when a heroin dealer was murdered in a warehouse.
Amy agrees to sue the police — specifically Detective Thompson (A.C. Peterson) — for being rude to the psychic. As she later tells T.S., it may seem like a small thing but it’s important to her. “Sometimes,” T.S. replies, “it’s the small things that matter.”
Thompson agrees to apologize to Emma. After he does so, Amy snaps, “You can stop playing the nice guy! You’re off the hook!” And, of course, Thompson isn’t a nice guy. He’s the one killing the drug dealers! T.S. figures this out when Billy tells him that he doesn’t want to deal drugs anymore because “the streets are dry” and T.S. has a series of black-and-white flashbacks to Thompson talking about the dead drug dealers.
Anyway, Thompson is captured and season one ends with an episode that attempted to cram 60 minutes worth of plot into just 30 minutes. Overstuffed episodes were a frequent issue when it came to T and T‘s first season.
The first season can best be described as being uneven. The show was at its best when it took advantage of Mr. T’s unique screen presence. Though he definitely didn’t have the greatest range as an actor, Mr. T did show some comedic timing. The show struggled whenever it didn’t focus on T.S. Turner and oddly, that happened in more than a few episodes, as if Mr. T wasn’t the main reason why anyone would be watching this show to begin with. As a character, there was nothing particularly consistent about Amy, who was sometimes brilliant and sometimes woefully naïve. The supporting cast was frequently underused, though Catherine Disher had a few funny moments as Sophie. Seen today, the show is a time capsule of Canada in the late 80s and that is perhaps the main reason to watch it.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!
This week, Jonathan and Mark go country!
Episode 1.5 “Song of the Wild West”
(Dir by Victor French, originally aired on October 17th, 1984)
This week’s episode of Highway to Heaven has a country music theme as Mark’s car ends up breaking down outside of a country-western bar.
I have to admit that I had mixed feelings about this theme. Quite frankly, country music is not my type of music. As I’ve explained in the past, my musical tastes run the gamut from EDM to more EDM. Country music has just never really done much for me, though I’ve done a line dance or two.
That said, I grew up all over the Southwest. I live in Texas. I’m a city girl but I knw what it’s like to walk through the high grass on a humid day. I know what it’s like to be woken up at sunrise by the sound of a rooster. I’ve ridden horses. I once milked a cow but I really didn’t enjoy it at all. I know the country and I like the people who live out in the country and, though I’m meant to live in a city, I still feel a bit of nostalgia whenever I see a farmhouse or a muddy pickup truck. This episode did have a legitimate country feel, which I appreciated.
Jonathan actually had a handful of missions in this episode. First off, he had to help Trudy Swenson (Joan Kjar) win the bar back from Nick Claybourne (Clifton James), the blowhard who won the bar in a rigged poker game from Trudy’s husband. Secondly, he had to help gas station owner Tim Higgins (Jerry Hardin) come to terms with the musical ambitions of his teenage daughter, Sara (Michele Greene). And finally, he had to help Sara reunite with her mother, an alcoholic country music star named Pasty Maynard (Ronee Blakely). And he had to do all this while also working as a bartender at the bar. Not only did Jonathan have to solve everyone’s emotional problems but he had to convince the local drunk to drink a cup of coffee as opposed to ordering another shot.
Mark doesn’t do much this week and I assume that’s because Victor French also directed the episode. As a result, everything pretty much falls on Jonathan and it almost feels as if he’s been given too much to do. Throughout the episode, he’s rushing back and forth between Tim, Trudy, and Patsy. Add to that the fact that the action stops for a minutes at a time so that Patsy and Sara can perform and you end up with an episode that feels a bit overstuffed.
This episode didn’t really work for me. I could appreciate the fact that the episode did a good job capturing the country milieu but country music just doesn’t do much for me. And this episode had a lot of country music.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week, we are reminded that Joey has the worst father in the world.
Episode 1.5 “Calendar Girl”
(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on November 18th, 1983)
So far, the episodes of Jennifer Slept Her that I’ve watched have focused on Jennifer’s friendship with Joey, the teenager who is the only person who can see her. Joey’s family has remained largely in the background, occasionally wondering why Joey is talking to himself.
This week’s episode serves to remind the viewer (and I’m going to use the singular for viewer here because I’m probably the only person in the world binging this show in 2023) that Joey’s father, George (played by Fiona Apple’s father, Brandon Maggart), is the worst person in the world.
George was Jennifer’s attorney when she was alive. Apparently, even when Jennifer was living and paying his salary, George didn’t think much of her. Starting with the very first episode, George has frequently described Jennifer as being a “tramp.” In the second episode, George was happy to allow an exploitive biopic of Jennifer to be filmed in his house, which used to be Jennifer’s house. Seriously, the fact that George hated Jennifer but then moved right into her mansion after she died tells us all we need to know about him. The show keeps trying to portray George as just being a typical bumbling sitcom Dad but, just judging from his actions, George is the devil.
This week’s episode finds George in a foul mood because the IRS is demanding that Jennifer’s back taxes be paid off. George decides to auction off a lot of Jennifer’s former possessions, including the stuff in the attic. Jennifer doesn’t have any problem with George selling her movie memorabilia but, as she tells Joey, the stuff in the attic is “personal.” Joey is torn because George has offered to give him a percentage of the auction’s profits if Joey finds stuff that they can sell. Joey really wants to go to Cancun for Spring Break but he needs $600.
Joey does go up to the attic but he promises not to put anything up for auction without Jennifer’s permission. When Joey finds a nude calendar featuring Jennifer amongst her possessions, Jennifer explains that it was something she did when she was a struggling actress and she would prefer the world not know about it. Joey agrees not to give the calendar to his Dad but George stumbles across it anyway and immediately starts yelling about how much money he’s going to make off of it.
Again, George is the worst human being on the planet.
Joey tells his father that “maybe we shouldn’t sell it.” George and Joey’s mother (played by Georgia Engel, who delivered her lines in such a soft voice that I could barely hear them) think that Joey just wants the poster for masturbatory purposes. George explains that the nude picture of Jennifer is the most valuable thing that they have to sell. George can’t wait to sell the calendar to a publisher.
Joey apologizes to Jennifer but says he can’t go against his father. Jennifer thinks about what a wonderful career she had and how now, she’s just going to be remembered for “hanging in every muffler shop in America.” Awwwww! George, you suck!
Luckily, George is also incredibly stupid. He gives Joey the responsibility of holding onto the calendar until the day of the auction. At the auction, Joey substitutes a picture of Jennifer as a baby for the calendar. Fortunately, the picture still sells for $22,000.
In the end, George says that he’s proud of Joey for standing up for what he believes in but we all know that George still sucks.
This is one of those episodes that really only worked because of the energetic performance of Ann Jillian, who was consistently better than the material that was given to her. A lot of the jokes would have fallen very flat if not for Jillian’s delivery and comedic timing. In the end, Jennifer kept her calendar and Joey presumably went to Cancun. And George …. well, let’s hope he found a shred of human decency somewhere in the house.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Youtube.
For this week’s episode, the dead rise and …. hey, wait a minute. Horrorthon’s over! And yet, here I am reviewing another show about zombies. Oh well, let’s get to it!
Episode 1.5 “My Zombie Lover”
(Dir by David Misch, originally aired on November 19th, 1988)
It’s the night of the dead!
In a small town, the dead rise once a year and feast on the flesh of the living. No one is sure why this happens. As one person explains it, some people think that it’s a gypsy curse and some people think that it’s due to radiation and others think that it’s just the result of poor embalming techniques. But every year, for one night, families in the town head out with their guns and they spend a few hours killing zombies.
Dottie (Tempestt Bledsoe) is home, visiting from college. She doesn’t want to go out and hunt zombies. Nor does she want to go see her old high school acquaintances. She just wants to stay on the couch while Dad (Ed Wheeler), Mom (Marcella Lowery, the terrible principal from City Guys), and her younger brother, Brad (Eugene Byrd), head outside. Dad can’t wait to kill some zombies. Brad, meanwhile, thinks that the zombies should be left alone and is carrying a protest sign.
After her family boards up the house and then leaves, Dottie is surprised to hear a knock at the door. She answers the door and finds Paul Nichols (Steve Harper) standing outside with some flowers. Paul was in Dottie’s French class but he died before he could graduate from high school. Now, he’s back in zombie form and he just wants Dottie to know that he always had a crush on her. Soon, Paul and Dottie are talking about old times. Unfortunately, Paul cannot resist the temptation to bite Dottie’s hand but Dottie forgives him.
Suddenly, Dad, Mom, and Brad return. Dad takes one look at Paul and aims his rifle. Shouting that she loves Paul, Dottie jumps in front of her zombie boyfriend and is killed by the bullet that was meant for him. However, since this is the night of the dead, Dottie immediately returns in zombie form. She and Paul are both hungry and they ask if there’s any meat in the house. Dad and Mom think for a moment and then they both look down at Brad and share a smile.
In other words, Brad was the only person in town who cared about the zombies and now, he’s going to be eaten.
I appreciated this episode’s rather macabre sense of humor and I especially liked the way Dad ran through all the possible reasons for the zombies returning. (They are all reasons that have been suggested in various Romero zombie films.) Unfortunately, a few too many of the jokes fell flat for this episode to really be considered a total success. Tempestt Bledsoe, in particular, seemed to be confused by the episode’s grotesque humor, giving a performance that never quite found the right balance between sincerity and humor. That said, I did like Steve Harper’s performance as the saddest zombie in the world. He only gets to eat once a year but, rather than do that, he just wants to let Dottie know that he liked her. Awwwwww!
Despite some tonal inconsistences, this was an entertaining episode, one that I appreciated as a fan of zombie films.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!
Come aboard! They’re expecting you!
Episode 3.14 “The Stimulation of Stephanie/Life Begins at 40/The Next Step”
(Dir by Allen Baron, originally aired on December 1st, 1979)
After being unexplainably absent last week, Vicki returns this week and is once again somehow a member of the Love Boat crew, despite only being 12. Nobody asks where she was last week and certainly, no one asks her how she’s doing in school. In fact, not only the crew but also the passengers seem to be totally accepting of the idea of a 12 year-old working as the assistant to the cruise director. I guess the 70s were a different time.
If I seem to be harping on the strangeness of Vicki living on the boat, that’s because this week’s episode really isn’t that interesting. This week’s episode is a fairly bland one. It’s so bland that it really leaves you with no choice but wonder about the logistics of how the boat works. And really, that’s something that should never happen when you’re watching a show like The Love Boat. If you’re worrying about real-life questions while watching a show like this, it means that you’re watching an episode that just isn’t working. The Love Boat, like Fantasy Island, should be an escape from reality and not an excuse to wonder about how it all works.
As usual, we’ve got three storylines to deal with. Jo Anne Worley plays Dottie Anderson, who is 39 years old and still unmarried. She’s booked herself in the honeymoon suite because she is determined that she is going to meet a man and get married over the course of the cruise. Julie assures Dottie that there’s nothing wrong with being single when you’re 4o, which is easy for Julie to say because someone asks her to get married during almost every cruise. Anyway, Dottie flirts with a lot of men and ultimately, she comes to realize that Julie was right. She embraces being single and leaves the boat happy. Yay! This storyline didn’t add up too much but at least Jo Anne Worley knew how to deliver a joke.
Meanwhile, pro football player Virgil Plummer (Roosevelt Grier) is upset because he’s about to retire from the game that he loves and he doesn’t know what the future holds for him. With the help of his wife (Melba Moore) and Isaac, Virgil realizing that he can pursue a career as a cook. Personally, I’m not sure why he wouldn’t just retire and live off the millions he made as a football player. Or maybe he could become a coach or one of those “fight for every inch” motivational speakers. Grier and Moore had a likable chemistry (even if it did feel more like a close friend chemistry as opposed to a married chemistry) but again, this storyline just didn’t add up too much.
Finally, sex research Norman Bridges (Dick Martin) and his assistant, Stephanie Champman (Char Fontane) board the boat. Bridges wants to research the roots of sexual simulation. Stephanie is in love with Bridges, though you have to wonder why because he’s kind of a boring jerk. Still, when Norman thinks that Doc Bricker is trying to seduce Stephanie, Norman goes down to Bricker’s cabin and punches him. Unfortunately, Norman wasn’t wearing his glasses and didn’t initially realize that the woman in Doc’s cabin was not Stephanie but was instead a passenger named Lena (Judy Landers). Eventually, Norman does figure out that Stephanie loves him and they leave the boat together. Somehow, Norman got away with assaulting the ship’s doctor. This storyline was just dumb. No one in their right mind would fall in love with someone as clueless and self-absorbed as Norman.
This was a less-than-satisfactory cruise. But that’s what happens when you break child labor laws.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Gun, an anthology series that ran on ABC for six week in 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!
This week, the gun ends up at the bottom of a swimmin’ hole!
Episode 1.5 “The Hole”
(Dir by Ted Demme, originally aired on May 24th, 1997)
Yep, this episode of Gun centers around an old country swimming hole. Every day, teenage Sondra (Kirsten Dunst) and her younger brothers, Brendan (Drake Bell) and Tad (Joe Pichler), head down to the Hole. For Sondra, swimming in the Hole is a chance to escape from her life of living in a trailer park with her trashy mother (Carrie Fisher) and her pervy stepfather (Cliff Bemis). For Brendan and Tad, going to the Hole is a chance to look for the treasure that they are convinced is at the bottom of the water. It is true that there is something shiny in the Hole. Sondra thinks that it might be the diamonds that she could use to finance an escape from the trailer park and a one-way trip down to Florida. Actually, it’s the pearl-handled gun that’s been at the center of every episode of Gun.
(In this episode, it’s suggested that the gun has been at the bottom of the hole for over a year. So, how did it end up in that town in the first place? Is this episode taking place before or after the previous episodes? I guess the simple solution is that it’s not the same gun as the gun seen in the previous episodes but the part of me that loves continuity is having a hard time accepting that.)
The gun belonged to James Munday (Johnny Whitworth), who has only recently been released from prison. He was convicted of murdering his girlfriend and only the fact that he was a minor at the time kept him from being given a life sentence. James claims that his girlfriend died as a part of a failed suicide pact and he’s convinced that the gun in the Hole can prove his innocence.
When James and Sondra meet, it doesn’t take long for them to fall for each other. Sondra remains James of his dead girlfriend and Sondra, like of all of us, is attracted to brooding rebels. However, when the rest of the town hears that James has been going to the Hole, a lynch mob is formed. Dick Sproule (Max Gail), the father of the girl that James was convicted of killing, is soon at the Hole with a rifle in his hands. Can James prove his innocence and will the town even care?
This episode was extremely overwrought and it featured every flaw that tends to turn me off of anthology shows in general. All of the characters were broadly drawn. The dialogue was way overwritten. Director Ted Demme told the story with a heavy-hand and used slow motion as if he was under the impression that he was the first director to ever consider heightening the drama by slowing things down. The whole thing just felt like a bad creative writing assignment. Out of the cast, only Kirsten Dunst was able to really create a character who felt as if she had a life outside of the demands of the story. Everyone else seemed to be a caricature. In the end, James may have been a hot, brooding rebel but he was also kind of whiny. That got old pretty quickly.
*Sigh* Well, that’s another disappointing episode of Gun for you! Next week, I’ll be reviewing the series finale. Hopefully, this show will at least end on a worthwhile note.
Through the Shattered Lens 