The Last Great Race”

Posted on December 5, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, Fantasy Island loses a fantasy. Read on to find out the details and remember, “Smiles, everyone! Smiles!”

Episode 4.3 “The Skater’s Edge/Concerto of Death/The Last Great Race”

(Dir by Cliff Bole and Vince Edwards, originally aired on November 8th, 1980)

When this episode originally aired, it was a special two-hour episode of Fantasy Island, one that featured three fantasies as opposed to the usual two.

In Skater’s Edge, Charlie Johnson (Charlene Tilton) is a farm girl from Missouri who dreams of being a world class figure skater. She comes to the Island to compete in the Fantasy Island Skating Competition. Mr. Roarke gives Charlie a pair of magic skates that he claims belonged to figure skater Sonja Henie. As long as Charlie is wearing the skates, she is the greatest skater in the world. She takes the competition by storm and she also wins the heart of coach Mike O’Brien (Dack Rambo). Unfortunately, in doing so, Charlie upsets Mike’s protégé, Laura Henderson (Peggy Fleming). Laura steals Charlie’s skates but, after Mr. Roarke talks to her about the importance of friendship and fair play, Laura returns the skates to Charlie. Charlie gets a perfect score from the judges but, even more importantly, she learns a lesson in humility and she’s happy when Laura is named the winner of the competition. Laura has the Fantasy Island championship but Charlie has got Mike.

In Concerto of Death, Dennis Cole plays Jeremy Hale, who comes to the island with his wife (Mary Ann Mobley). Jeremy’s brother was a talented concert pianist who was murdered. Jeremy wants to play as well as his brother but he also wants to solve his murder. Roarke gives Jeremy an emerald ring that glows a deep green when Jeremy plays his piano. Roarke warns Jeremy that his brother’s ghost might try to possess him and seek violent revenge against those who he blames for his death. The scenes involving Jeremy being possessed feature Jeremy being suffused by a green glow and yes, it’s kind of silly but it’s still fun in the way that cheap special effects often are. Eventually, Jeremy realizes that his brother was killed by Carla Marco (Erin Gray) and it ends with the police taking away Carla and Jeremy’s guest cabin burning to the ground. That cabin burned down to the ground at least once per season.

Finally, in The Last Great Race, Dick Shawn and Juliet Mills play a couple who are divorcing. They go on a race with the winner getting the majority of their possessions.

You may notice that I don’t have much to say about The Last Great Race. This is because the Race fantasy was edited out of this episode when it went into syndication. Unfortunately, all of the versions that I’ve found of this episode online are of the syndicated version. So, I guess The Last Great Race is just going to be the lost fantasy of Fantasy Island.

It’s hard to judge this episode because, in the syndicated version, it’s very obvious that a lot has been removed. It makes things feel a bit disjointed with the scene transitions often coming abruptly. Charlie and Mike seem to fall in love in record time and Laura declaring herself to be Charlie’s friend seems odd because we haven’t really seen them interact before Laura steals her skates. Meanwhile, the story with Jeremy also feels rushed with the final confrontation between Jeremy and the murderer seeming to come out of nowhere.

That said, it’s kind of a fun episode. The skating scenes feature an obvious stunt double for Charlene Tilton and it’s hard not to be kind of charmed by how obvious it all is. (You can get dizzy as the scene cuts from close-ups of Tilton’s face and close-ups of the stunt double’s legs.) The supernatural story makes no sense but the silly special effects made me smile. The episode ends with Mr. Roarke causing snow to fall on Fantasy Island but, in typical Roarke fashion, he makes sure that it only falls on Tattoo. Roarke has a good laugh while Tattoo screams in terror. Seriously, those two hate each other so much.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: CHiPs 1.4 “Moving Violation”

Posted on December 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, we learn who is a good cop and who is a not-so good cop.

Episode 1.4 “Moving Violation”

(Dir by Edward M. Abroms, originally aired on October 13th, 1977)

Tonight’s episode of CHiPs doesn’t so much have a plot as much as it’s just a random collection of incidents that are designed to allow us to see the differences in personality between Officer Jon Baker and Officer Frank “Ponch” Poncharello.

Officer Baker is quiet, conscientious, and mild-mannered. He’s the officer who spots a stolen church bus but gives his partner the credit for discovering it because his partner is on probationary status with the department. On a more serious note, he’s also the guy who is sent to inform women that they are now widows because their husbands met misfortune on the California highways. Tonight’s episode sees Baker being sent to inform a woman that her husband has died and Baker handles the job with sensitivity and tact. He wipes away a tear of his own as the woman starts to cry. Larry Wilcox was not exactly the most expressive actor in the world but, in that scene, he did a wonderful job.

Officer Poncharello, on the other hand, is a screw-up who smiles frequently, lies to an almost pathological extent, and who often looks straight at the camera while delivering his lines. He’s the type of police officer who needs his fellow officers to lie to Sgt. Getraer about what a good police officer he is. If Officer Baker is the ideal highway patrolman, Ponch is the guy who really shouldn’t be out there. It’s not just that Erik Estrada looks notably less assured on that motorcycle than Larry Wilcox. It’s also that Ponch himself doesn’t ever really seem to be paying attention to …. well, anything!

This episode, Ponch lies to a woman and gets her to go out on a date with him under the assumption that he’s a sergeant. She’s not thrilled to discover that he’s just a police officer and that he drives (and live in) an RV. Ponch is not thrilled when he gets a ticket for not using his turn signal and he has to take a driver’s education class. Worried that he might run into someone who he has ticketed, Ponch wears a fake mustache and, eventually, a fake beard.

As I mentioned earlier, there’s not much of a story to this episode. Ponch and Baker just deal with whatever they come across, whether it’s a stolen church bus or a man trapped in a van with a bunch of rattlesnakes. The oddest moment of the show comes when they pull over a motorist played by football player Roosevelt Grier and Grier proceeds to start beating up his car. Ponch and Baker just watch in amazement. At one point, Grier puts his fist through a window and Ponch laughs. Uhmm …. how about checking to make sure the guy isn’t bleeding to death?

And, hey — guess who shows up in driver’s education class at the end of this episode!? And guess who rips off Ponch’s fake beard and mustache. The episode ends with a freeze frame of a nervous Ponch laughing but I don’t think he’s going to be laughing much longer.

This was a weird episode. It was basically a combination of broad comedy, lovely California scenery, and that one shockingly dramatic scene in which Baker told a woman that her husband was dead. The episode was obviously meant to introduce us to Baker and Ponch. I would definitely prefer to get pulled over by Baker because he’s obviously just trying to do his job quickly and efficiently. Ponch, on the other hand….

Anyway, assuming that Ponch wasn’t killed by Rosey Grier, he should be next week! We’ll see what happens!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.13 “Milk Run”

Posted on December 4, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs fail to observe movie line etiquette.

Episode 1.13 “Milk Run”

(Dir by John Nicolella, originally aired on January 4th, 1985)

At Miami International Airport, Tubbs is sweating buckets (one thing I do appreciate about Miami Vice is that it captures that Yankees never seem to get used to Southern humidity) while Crockett watches and smiles at a woman in a miniskirt. Not surprisingly, ZZ Tops’s Legs is playing on the soundtrack. Having good legs is definitely a plus in life. They’ve certainly helped me out.

Anyway, Crockett and Tubbs notice that two teenagers have just paid for a ticket to Colombia in cash. Crockett and Tubbs confront them in the airport cafeteria, causing both Louis Martinez (Evan Handler) and his friend, Eddie Rivers (Al Shannon), to make a run for it. They manage to outrun both Crockett and Tubbs. Louis and Eddie may not be as streetwise or experienced as the two cops but they’re definitely a lot younger and a lot quicker.

Louis is enthusiastic about Eddie flying down to Colombia and smuggling cocaine-filled statues into the United States. Eddie is more nervous about it and keeps saying that he wishes he could just go home and pretend like they never agreed to help this week’s villains, the Moya cousins.

Not surprisingly, at least to anyone who has watched this show, Crockett and Tubbs just happen to be investigating a drug warehouse that belongs to the Moyas. After the warehouse blows up, they discover a locker full of the statues and they also find out that the Moyas are into Santeria. This leads to a scene where they attempt to interrogate one of their informants (played by Rainbow Harvest), a Santeria high priestess who works at a “punk rock movie theater.” (Don’t ask me, I didn’t write the episode.) While Crockett keeps bothering her at work, Tubbs has a tense conversation with her boyfriend, who is played by a youngish Eric Bogosian!

The two stories eventually link back up. Eddie flies to Colombia but he and Louis are arrested by Crockett and Tubbs as soon as he returns to America. While Louis continues to play tough, Eddie talks about how he wishes that he could just go back home and not get involved in any of this. Crockett promises Eddie that he’ll make sure he gets home safely. Can you guess who ends up getting gunned down the cartel at the end of the episode?

Milk Run was an episode about which I had mixed feelings. At first, it was hard for me to have much sympathy for either Louis or Eddie. But, at the same time, I also had a hard time having much sympathy for Crockett and Tubbs. Whether they were holding up a line to interrogate a ticket agent at the airport or holding up the line to interrogate the Santeria priestess at the movie theater, they ended up holding up a lot of lines and that’s a pet peeve of mine. But, by the end of this episode, I felt sorry for Eddie and the dark conclusion drove home the episode’s point. There’s no way to escape your decisions. Of course, by this point, we pretty much know what’s going to happen whenever Crockett promises to keep someone safe but that didn’t make the ending any less effective.

This was an okay episode. The ending was powerful and it featured a strong supporting turn from John Kapelos in the role of a sleazy attorney. In the end, the message was clear. Don’t get involved with a shady business unless you’re totally prepared to deal with the consequences.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi Junior High 1.12 “Parents’ Night”

Posted on December 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Though not as dramatic as last week’s episode, this week’s episode is just as important to the future of Degrassi.

Episode 1.12 “Parents’ Night”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on April 5th, 1987)

When it comes to this week’s episode of Degrassi Junior High, it helps to know a little bit about franchise’s history. On the surface, this is a fairly standard episode, with Wheels, Joey, and Spike all getting a storyline. But if you know what waits for these characters in the future, then you know this is one of the most important shows of the franchise’s history. Much like last week’s It’s Late, this episode sets up the storylines that will play out over the next three decades.

Spike is still adjusting to being pregnant. As she tells the Farrell twins, she doesn’t want to have an abortion but she also know that, at the age of 14, she’s too young to be a mother. Shane, she says, has barely spoken to her since discovering that she’s pregnant. Spike is considering giving up the child for adoption. The Farrell twins suggest that Spike speak to Wheels, who is adopted himself. In a rather sweet scene that is well-played by both Amanda Stepto and Neil Hope, Wheels tells Spike that he’s never been angry over being adopted. He also says that he’s never been curious about his birth parents. Much like Spike and Shane, they were simply too young to raise a child.

Wheels has a lot going on in this episode. He’s the bass player in a band! Joey and Snake are also in the band. Joey wants to call the band Joey and the Joy Buzzers. Snake wants to call them Snake and the Charmers, which is actually pretty clever. Wheels says that he’s fine with whatever because Wheels, at this point in the show, is the most well-balanced kid in school. Sadly, this won’t last.

While leaving rehearsal for the upcoming Parents’ Night Talent Show, Wheels is approached by a man named Mike Nelson (Dave James). Mike introduces himself as Wheels’s father and he gives Wheels his number. With Joey’s encouragement, Wheels calls Mike and even meets with him at a local diner. It’s an awkward meeting but, when Wheels finds out that Mike is also in a band, he starts to feel a connection to his father.

However, Wheels also feels guilty because he hasn’t told his parents that he’s been talking to Dave. This eventually leads to him getting angry with Dave and yelling at Dave for trying to re-enter his life. Dave calls Wheels’s adoptive parents and apologizes. When Wheels’s parents tell him that it’s okay if he wants to talk to Dave, Wheels worries that they don’t really want him. Eventually, after giving it some thought, Wheels realizes that he can have a relationship with both his birth father and the people who raised him.

As for Joey’s storyline, he forges a letter from his parents, in which “they” tell Mr. Raditch that they will not be coming to Parents’ Night. Mr. Raditch sees right through him. Oh, Joey!

As I said, it’s a fairly simple episode but it works due to the wonderful and empathetic performance of Neil Hope. Unfortunately, the tragic details of Neil Hope’s life after Degrassi has often overshadowed just how good he truly was on the show. Indeed, it’s not always easy to watch him, bright and full-of-life in Degrassi Junior High, with the knowledge of what the future holds for both the actor and the character. Hope, whose own life provided the inspiration for a few of Wheels’s storylines, was such a good and natural actor that Wheels is compelling despite having the second worst nickname on the show. (Snake, of course, wins the prize for worst nickname. That said, the character was apparently nearly named Slim, which would have been even worse.)

So, why is this episode so important to the future of Degrassi? The reasons below are all technically spoilers but, if you’re a big enough Degrassi fan that you tracked down this review, I’m probably not telling you anything that you don’t already know.

First off, the band will eventually get a name and it won’t be Joey and the Joy Buzzers or Snake and the Charmers. It would be Zit Remedy and Joey’s attempts to become a star would not only be a major plotline through Degrassi Junior High and Degrassi High but it would also frequently be mentioned in Degrassi: The Next Generation as Joey vicariously lived his rock dreams through his stepson, Craig Manning. Famously, Zit Remedy only wrote and performed one song but that song has had a very long life on the show. Everybody wants something, right?

(As well, Zit Remedy was the first of MANY bands to be formed at Degrassi. Hell Hath No Fury, Downtown Sasquatch, Studz, and Whisperhug would all follow but Zit Remedy was there first.)

Though this episode ends with Wheels at peace with both his birth father and his adopted parents, that peace wouldn’t last. One reason why it’s kind of sad to see Wheels happy in this episode is because Wheels would rarely be happy for the rest of the series. Musical “talent” is not the only thing that Wheels and Dave have in common. Dave is an alcoholic and Wheels is destined to end up in prison after killing a kid while driving drunk. (Following this seemingly innocuous episode, Wheels’s life got dark!)

As for Joey, he’ll never be a rock star but eventually, he will make peace with Mr. Raditch, to the extent that Raditch will even joke with him when Joey comes up to the school after Craig is caught skipping class.

And finally, Spike is not going to give up her baby for adoption. Instead, she’s going to keep her daughter and, in the future, Emma Nelson will be at the center of the Degrassi universe. (And Snake will even be her stepfather!)

Next week, season one comes to a close!

Retro Television Reviews: Blood Sport (dir by Jerrold Freedman)

Posted on December 3, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1973’s Blood Sport! It can be viewed on YouTube.

David Birdsong (played by Gary Busey, who was 29 at the time) is a high school senior with a potentially bright future ahead of him. He’s the quarterback of his high school’s football team and it looks like he’s on the verge of leading his team to an undefeated season. He’s getting recruited by all the big schools. Scouts are coming to his games to watch him play. He also has one of the highest GPAs at his school, though it’s suggested that might have more to do with his importance to the football team than his actual study skills.

“Don’t you have anything else you want to do with your life?” his high school principal (David Doyle) asks him and David’s reaction indicates that he’s never really given it much thought. From the time he was born, David’s father, Dwayne (Ben Johnson), has been shaping his son to become a star athlete. Dwayne is happiest when he’s watching David play, whether on the field or in the highlight reels that he keeps down in the basement. When Dwayne sees that his son isn’t on the field, he’s the type of father who will get out of the stands and argue with the coach on the sidelines. Dwayne continually tells David not to stay out too late. The one time that David does, Dwayne slaps him hard enough to send his son to the floor.

Coach Marshall (Larry Hagman) is determined to get his undefeated season, no matter how hard he has to push his players. The coach is the type who is convinced that his players respect him for his stern ways and his long-winded speeches but little does he realize that they all secretly despise him. When one of his players drop dead of a heart attack during practice, Coach Marshall demands that the player stop being lazy and get up. When he realizes that the player is never going to get up, Coach Marshall angrily asks, “Why did this have to happen now!?” Later, at a pep rally, Coach Marshall announces that his team had a private meeting and agreed that they would win the final game in the player’s memory. The team is disgusted but the rest of the town loves their coach.

David is never happier than when he’s on the field, playing football and being cheered by both the crowd and his team. But, through it all, he sees reminders that the future in uncertain. On the sidelines, David spots an injured player, watching the game with the knowledge that his dreams of getting a scholarship have ended. When David visits a college, he’s reminded that being the best high school player doesn’t mean much in college and when he says that he’s a quarterback, he is told that his coach will ultimately decide who he is and David will accept the coach’s decision because David isn’t being offered a scholarship to think for himself.

When the film originally aired in 1973, it was called Birdsong but the title was changed to Blood Sport for both subsequent showings and for a European theatrical release. Blood Sport is the more appropriate title because, even though the main character is named David Birdsong, the film is ultimately about all of the athletes who are expected to put their health at risk for the people on the sidelines. It’s not just football that’s a blood sport, the film suggests. It’s the entire culture that has sprung up around it, the one that cheers when players are at their best but which also looks away at the times when the players need the most help.

At 29 years of age, Gary Busey is a bit too old to be totally convincing as a high school senior but he still does a good job of capturing David’s gradual realization that he’s never really had any control over his own life. Ben Johnson and especially Larry Hagman also give good performances as the two men who are living vicariously through David’s accomplishments. Hagman is so believably obnoxious as the coach that you’ll want to cheer when someone finally finds the guts to stand up to him and tell him to just shut up for a minute.

The film ends on an ambiguous note, leaving many questions open about David’s future. One hopes that he’s started to find the strength necessary to live his own life but it’s ultimately hard to say. In the end, nothing is guaranteed, no matter how far you can throw a football.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.9 “Phantom of the Market”

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, someone is stealing disgusting gourmet food!

Episode 1.9 “Phantom of the Market”

(Dir by Stan Harris, originally aired on November 27th, 1985)

Howard is super-excited because he has been named Cobb’s Manager of the Year! The manager of the year wins a Hawaiian vacation for two because, apparently, there’s not a single Cobb’s manager who has a large family. I get the feeling that the whole manager of the year thing is a scam to give the the company’s managers an excuse to go to Hawaii with their secretaries. That’s certainly what Howard is planning to do, though at least he’s actually unmarried and dating Edna.

(Being a Canadian company, I would think Cobb’s would reward its employees with a Discovery Islands vacation but no, Cobb’s would rather send its employees to the USA.)

Howard’s employees even go through the trouble of making and hanging a big banner congratulating Howard. Of course, they hang it upside down but Howard is in such a good mood that he doesn’t even yell about it. Unfortunately, Howard’s mood is soon ruined when a corporate stooge (played by Grant Cowan) shows up and tells Howard that his store is missing $400 worth of gourmet meat and that Howard is going to lose his job if he can’t figure out what has happened to the missing inventory.

Feeling that it might be an inside job, Howard and Alf spend two nights at the store in hopes of catching whoever it is. The first night, Howard falls asleep and wakes up in his underwear. Somehow, the thief took all of his clothes without waking up Howard. Howard wraps himself in the banner, which I would think would make him look even more undressed than when he was just wearing shoes, boxers, and his undershirt. (How did the thief undress Howard without taking his shoes off? Again, how did Howard sleep through that?) The second night, Howard discovers that Cobb’s actually has a basement and that basement is occupied by Henry Weinberg (Antony Parr).

The well-dressed and well-fed Henry explains that his family used to own the land on which the store was built. Henry has been living in the basement of various Cobb’s stores for several years and he’s been stealing their food. He gives Howard a box that he says contains the ashes of his grandfather. Howard is surprisingly accepting of all this.

The next day — yay! All of the missing inventory is back. Howard gets to keep his job and go to Hawaii. Henry shows up in the story and tells Howard that he stole replacement food from all the other grocery stores in the area. After Henry leaves, Alf informs Howard that Henry is actually a comedian who used to do a bit about putting his grandfather’s ashes in a box. As Henry speaks, Howard discreetly spills the ashes onto the flood and kicks them underneath a shelf. Yikes!

This was kind of a strange episode but, in this case, the weirdness worked to the show’s advantage. In previous episodes, Don Adams sometimes seemed to be overacting. In this episode, everyone was acting bizarrely and, as such, Adams’s exaggerated reactions actually fit well with the situation. Add to that, this episode featured the return of Viker, the dumb but very confident electrician played by Gordon Clapp. As played by Clapp, Viker’s earnest stupidity was definitely the high point of the episode.

Next week, everyone car pools to work! I really can’t imagine that going well but we’ll find out what happens soon!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.23 “I Wonder Who’s Kissing Gabe Now”

Posted on December 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 ends as the new art teacher tempts Gabe to have an affair with someone who actually likes his jokes!

Episode 2.23 “I Wonder Who’s Kissing Gabe Now”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on March 3rd, 1977)

The second season finale opens with Gabe telling Julie a joke about his cousin Mark, who went back to the old neighborhood and dropped in on the old shoe repairman. The shoe repairman saw that Mark was carrying a sales ticket from several years ago and he said, “Your shoes will be ready next Tuesday!” Julie laughed politely.

The second season finale closes with Gabe telling Julie a really long joke about the time his Aunt Mabel went to see a psychiatrist on Park Avenue and was basically led back to the outside of the building because she didn’t make enough money to see a Park Avenue doctor. Again, Julie laughed politely.

From the very first episode, Gabe telling Julie a joke about his family has been one of this show’s mainstays. Sometimes, Julie smiles in response. Sometimes, she gives up a pity laugh or two. And sometimes, she seems downright annoyed with Gabe for wasting her time. Gabe’s jokes are obviously very important to him. (And, of course, they served to remind the audience that, when he wasn’t starring on a sitcom, Gabe Kaplan was a stand-up comedian.) However, Julie never really seems to be too enthusiastic about them. I imagine that a lot of this was due to the fact that Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along behind-the-scenes but, for the show, it really does make you wonder just how much longer Gabe and Julie are going to be married. I mean, by this point, it’s obvious that the reason Gabe spends so much time with the Sweathogs is so he won’t have to deal with Julie. And Julie’s bad cooking is obviously a result of her secret desire to poison her husband. This marriage just feels doomed.

The Sweathogs are certainly concerned about that. When Epstein overhears the new art teacher, Paula Holtzgang (Denise Galick), telling Gabe that she has fallen in love with him, he is stunned. He is even more shocked when he sees Gabe and Holtzgang kissing. Of course, what Epstein doesn’t realize is that Paula was the one kissing Gabe and not the other way around. Epstein tells the Sweathogs what he witnessed. Horshack panics, wondering who will get custody of the Sweathogs if the Kotters split up. Barbarino tries to solve the problem by showing off some of his dance moves as Paula leaves the school but, to his shock, she ignores him.

For his part, Gabe tells Julie about what happened and he says that he told Paula he wasn’t interested. Julie demands to know if Paula is prettier than her. Gabe says that Paula is a “different type” than Julie ….. which, yeah, that was not the right answer. Fortunately, Gabe does not tell Julie that Paula kissed him. Instead, the Sweathogs show up at the apartment and, attempting to save the marriage, tell Julie that she shouldn’t worry about the kiss.

With Julie on the verge of demanding a divorce, Gabe kicks the Sweathogs out of the apartment and he then assures Julie that he loves her and he can’t wait for their child to be born. He even has a name picked out: “Farrah Fawcett Kotter.”

The next day, Gabe enters his classroom to find Paula waiting for him. Paula says that she no longer finds Gabe attractive and leaves.

And that’s it for the second season!

Wow, what a strange episode to end on. I mean, I guess it was good because it confirmed that Gabe and Julie will not be getting a divorce even though it’s obvious that they hate each other. And this episode also reinforced how much the Sweathogs loved their teacher. John Travolta got to show off his dance moves and that’s always a good thing. But, overall, this episode was broad even by the standards of Welcome Back Kotter, with the Sweathogs coming across as being a bit to cartoonish for their own good. The Sweathogs have always been a bit over the top but, in the past, they were still at least believable as tough but sometimes vulnerable Brooklyn teens. But, for the past few episodes, they’ve become more like comic book characters than real people.

And yes, there was a Welcome Back, Kotter comic book:

Anyway, that’s it for the second season! Next week …. season 3 begins! Will the Sweathogs ever graduate?

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.7 “Fast Friends”

Posted on December 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, Mr. T whacks the attack!

Episode 2.7 “Fast Friends”

(Dir by Alan Simmonds, originally aired on November 14th, 1988)

On a rainy night in Toronto, Jonah (Leslie Toth) asks his friend Adam (Peter Spence) for permission to borrow Adam’s car. Jonah explains that he’ll only need the car for an hour and he just has to do some “business.” He promises Adam that this business has nothing to do with drugs. Adam hands over the keys.

So, from the start, this episode establishes that Adam is idiot.

I mean, seriously, once can just look at the sweaty and fidgety Jonah and tell that he needs the car to pick up some drugs. When someone who hasn’t taken a shower in a week tells you that he has to go out and do some “business,” it’s guaranteed that the business is going to involve drugs. And even if Jonah was being honest about not being involved in the Canadian drug trade, who lets anyone borrow their car? Even if it was a life-and-death situation, I would not give any of my friends the keys to my car. That’s right — I would rather that someone die than let them drive my car.

But Adam feels differently. He hands over his keys and, of course, Jonah drives to a warehouse and picks up several vials of crack cocaine. Jonah is in debt to some drug dealers so he needs to pick some crack to sell on the streets. But since Jonah is a no-good junkie, he smokes a little before he gets back in his friend’s car. While trying to return the car, Jonah attracts the attention of the police. Jonah abandons the car in an alley and runs for it.

When Adam finds out about what happened, he yells at Jonan and then, stupidly, heads down to the alley to get the car. Adam is shocked to find crack cocaine all over the front seat because, again, Adam is an idiot. Suddenly, the cops show up and arrest Adam!

Despite the best efforts of Detective Luntz (Alar Adema), Adam refuses to betray Jonah. He claims that he was at home all night and that someone stole his car and left it in the alley with the drugs. Detective Luntz continually points out that Adam’s story makes no sense because, if Adam’s car was stolen, how did Adam know where to find it?

It looks like Adam is doomed but, fortunately, his mother hires Amy Taler and T.S. Turner! While Amy talks to Luntz in the hallway, Turner talks to Adam and shows off his new, far less menacing mohawk.

Adam tells T.S. about Jonah. T.S. tracks down Jonah at a local drug den. When Jonah tries to run, T.S. grabs him and says, “I know who you are, I know what you’re doing, and I don’t like it …. Talk to me, brother!” That’s all it takes for Jonah to realize the error of his ways. After T.S. beats up the drug dealers, Adam is released from custody. However, Jonah still confesses to possessing the drugs because it’s the right thing to do.

And that’s the episode! This was another instance in which the show’s 30-minute running time led to the story feeling a bit rushed. T.S. tracked down Jonah with remarkable ease and he really didn’t seem to have any trouble convincing Jonah to turn on his dealers. That said, the scene in which T.S. walked through the crack house was well-directed and full of a lot of creepy visuals. Say what you will about Mr. T’s range of an actor, this episode featured him at his most sincere. One gets the feeling that beating up drug dealers was something that Mr. T did whenever he had a break from filming.

Next week on T and T …. oh, who knows? Toronto’s a wild city.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Mark falls in love and Jonathan directs a movie.

Episode 1.10 “Help Wanted: Angel”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 21st, 1984)

This is a strange episode.

The first half of the episode plays out like almost a parody of Highway to Heaven. In fact, I would assume that it was a parody except for the fact that this was only the show’s tenth episode and that’s a bit early for any show to start intentionally parodying itself.

Still in Hollywood, Jonathan and Mark come across a sign that has been posted by someone named Joey. “Angels Needed,” the sign says. The sign has an address that turns out to be a community center, one that is populated by a mix of cranky retired people and young criminals. The center’s maintenance worker is a developmentally challenged young man named Joey Smalls (Dennis Fimple). Joey put up his sign because he wants an angel to help an elderly screenwriter named Martin Lamm (John Lormer). Martin has written a script about a magician and he wants to not only make the film but also fill the cast with people from the neighborhood.

No sooner have Mark and Jonathan stepped into the community center and met Joey and Martin then they are suddenly joined by a man named Petros (Al Ruscio). Petros speaks in a thick Greek accent and he says that he has also seen Joey’s sign, he has read Martin’s script, and he wants to produce the movie. And he wants Jonathan to direct it and Mark to play the role of a sea captain who falls in love with a woman who has “a past,” as Petros puts it. As the woman, they cast Stella (Stella Stevens), who actually does have a past.

We then jump forward several weeks. Jonathan is directing the film, even though he doesn’t seem to have a crew and we don’t actually see any cameras filming anything. Joey has impressed everyone with the sincerity of his acting and he is now friends with former gang member, Chewy (Randy Vasquez). Mark, meanwhile, is falling in love with Stella.

So, that’s the first half of the episode. It’s all very broadly acted and the dialogue frequently crosses the line from sentimental to mawkish. I have to admit that I rolled my eyes more than a few times because it all felt so overdone.

But then, the second half of the episode opens with Petros approaching Jonathan. Jonathan asks Petros about his past. Petros says that he was born in Galilee and that, before starting his current line of work, he was a fisherman. Jonathan realizes that Petros is actually St. Peter and he’s been sent down to help Jonathan out with his mission. It turns out that Jonathan’s mission is not really about Joey or Martin. Instead, it’s about Stella, who is going to die and it’s about Mark, who is about to lose the woman that he’s fallen in love with. Realizing that Stella’s character is also going to die in the movie that he’s supposedly directing, Jonathan asks if they can just rewrite the script but Peter tells him that they can’t. What is going to happen is going to happen.

And it does happen, though not before Mark asks Stella to marry him and Stella says yes. When she finds out that she’s ill, Stella leaves Mark a note saying that she’s dumping him for an ex-boyfriend. At first, Mark is angry but, with Jonathan’s help, he realizes the truth. Mark finds Stella waiting for him on the beach where they filmed their scenes for the movie and they get married as the ocean crashes behind them. And then, off-screen, Stella dies.

And I went from rolling my eyes to actually wiping away tears because, as broad and kind of annoying as the first half of the episode was, the second half was sensitively directed by Michael Landon and sincerely acted by both Victor French and Stella Stevens. If the first half felt like a parody, the second half was a reminder of why this show still remains popular on so many streaming platforms. At its best, there was an unapologetic earnestness to Highway to Heaven. This was a show that said that it was okay to cry and to have emotions and to care about people. This was a strange episode but, ultimately, a surprisingly effective one.

Retro Television Review: Jennifer Slept Here 1.9 “Risky Weekend”

Posted on November 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Joey has the house to himself …. kind of.

Episode 1.9 “Risky Weekend”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on April 14th, 1984)

It’s the weekend and George and Susan Elliot are going out of town. They’re taking their daughter with them but they’re leaving teenage son Joey alone in the house. George leaves the family’s sailboat sitting on the back patio so that “It will look like we’re still here!” How could this go wrong?

Jennifer is certainly excited about the house being nearly empty but Joey tells her that he has a big test coming up and he just needs some peace and quiet so that he can concentrate on studying. Jennifer agrees to leave him alone for the weekend but what she doesn’t know is that Joey is a damn liar. He and his friend, Marc, are planning on throwing a party. Woo hoo! Unfortunately, while Marc is helping to get the house ready for the party, he accidentally gives the sailboat a shove and it crashes into the living room.

Fortunately, Jennifer has come back home and she tells Joey that he should call his parents and just tell them what happened. Joey, however, decides to take care of the situation himself. He calls in a local landscaper, Eddie (Hamilton Camp). Even though Joey doesn’t have enough money to cover the repairs, Eddie says that he’ll fix the damage if Joey allows Eddie’s church to have bingo night in his house. Again, despite Jennifer’s reservations, Joey agrees.

It turns out that bingo night is actually an illegal casino. Joey tells Jennifer not to worry about it but, when his mom calls him and says that they’re coming home early, Joey is soon begging Jennifer to help him out. Jennifer helps Joey put the casino out of business by helping him cheat at all the games. Myself, I’m just amazed at how quickly the house was transformed into a casino, complete with slot machines, a craps table, and a roulette wheel. Did Eddie just have all of that stuff sitting in his living room or something?

Anyway, Joey breaks the bank. All of the gamblers leave but Eddie and his gangsters say that they’re not going anywhere. Fortunately, Jennifer calls the ghost cops to come and arrest Eddie because …. EDDIE AND HIS ASSOCIATES ARE ALL GHOSTS!

Even though Eddie left behind all of the casino stuff, it has mysteriously disappeared from the house by the time Susan and George return to the house. George is really impressed by how nice the house looks. Joey tells his parents about the casino and the ghost cops and they assume that he’s delirious from doing homework all weekend. Then George goes outside and accidentally crashes the sailboat into the living room again. What? How stupid is George?

This was a weird episode. The plot makes no sense but it’s also so random that it becomes likable in its own strange way. This is one of those episodes that feels as if it was made up on the spot but Ann Jillian and John P. Navin Jr. both give energetic enough performances that the whole thing somehow holds together. Then again, maybe I just like movies and TV shows that take place in casinos. I always appreciate the fact that people dress up to gamble. Were the gamblers also ghosts or was it just the gangsters? Weird episode.