Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.21 “Knock Knock …. Who’s There?”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the one hand doesn’t know what the other one is doing.  That’s life in Miami.,

Episode 3.21 “Knock Knock …. Who’s There?”

(Dir by Tony Wharmby, originally aired on March 27th, 1987)

An drug buy that Crockett and Tubbs (as Burnett and Cooper) set up with Esteban Montoyo (a miscast Ian McShane), falls apart when a group of DEA agents show up.  Or, at least, they say that they’re DEA agents.  Oddly, they just take the money and the drugs and then leave, saying that Miami metro will take care of the rest.

It quickly becomes apparent that the DEA agents were fake but Crockett and Tubbs have no way to confirm that because the DEA refuses to share any information about their activities with the Vice Squad.  Even though the DEA and detectives are all after the same people and are supposedly soldiers in the same war, they don’t trust each other and they don’t share information.  Meanwhile, Internal Affairs is convinced that Crockett and Tubbs stole the money and the drugs for themselves and are determined to prove it.  Apparently, it doesn’t matter that Crockett and Tubbs have killed a variety of different drug lords over the past three seasons.  No one in Miami trusts anyone!

As for the fake DEA busts, they’re being set up by an agent named Linda Colby (Elizabeth Ashley).  Linda’s husband (Jimmie Ray Weeks) is a former agent who is now in a wheelchair and who is a friend of Crockett’s.  Their son is in the hospital, fighting for his life.  Linda’s crimes are helping her to pay for his treatment.  It’s not greed that motivates her, or at least greed isn’t the only thing.  She’s also motivated by love.

Of course, in the end, she still gets shot during a showdown between Crockett, Tubbs, and Montoya.  Unlike the majority of Miami Vice‘s guest stars, Linda survives being shot.  But, as she’s lying on the stretcher, Crockett has to arrest her.  Linda says that Crockett would have done the same thing for his son.  With tears in his eyes, Crockett proceeds to recite Linda’s Miranda rights.  Though Crockett doesn’t say it, he knows that she’s right but he’s also a cop and he has no choice but to arrest her.  Now, her son will no longer receive medical treatment and his mother is going to be in jail.  Wow, Miami Vice, depressing much?

Of course, happy endings were a rarity on Miami Vice.  That was one of the show’s strengths.  No one ever got a truly happy ending.  Every drug lord that Crockett and Tubbs took down would be replaced by someone else.  Anyone who ever tried to help usually fell victim to a bullet.  People like Linda did things for desperate reasons and paid the price, all in the service of an unwinnable war.

This episode was uneven.  Ian McShane was not a particularly interesting villain and Crockett getting his cover blown happens so frequently that it’s no longer a shock.  But that final scene definitely packed a punch.  Never have the Miranda rights sounded so hollow.

Next week …. it’s Crockett and Tubbs vs. a motorcycle gang!  We’ll see what happens.  It can’t be any more depressing than this episode.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.18 “Lend Me An Ear”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs are both spectacularly bad at their jobs.

Episode 3.18 “Lend Me An Ear”

(Dir by James Quinn, originally aired on February 27th, 1987)

This week’s episode of Miami Vice centers around Steve Duddy (John Glover), an eccentric former cop-turned-surveillance expert.  When the Vice Squad has trouble bugging the home and phone lines of a mysterious Greek criminal named Alexander Dykstra (Yorgo Voyagis), Crockett and Tubbs approach Duddy for help.  Little do they know that Dubby is also on Dykstra’s payroll.  Duddy sells them the bugs that they plant in Dykstra’s home.  Then Dykstra calls Duddy and Duddy removes them.  Dykstra doesn’t know that Duddy works for the cops and the cops don’t know that Duddy works for Dykstra.

It sounds like a pretty good deal for Steve Duddy, no?  But when Duddy witnesses Dykstra commit a murder that was caused by Dykstra using one of Duddy’s voice analyzers to discover whether or not her girlfriend was lying about cheating on him, Duddy decides to try to take down Duddy.  First, he calls the homicide department and, using a device to disguise his voice, he reports that Dykstra just killed someone.  When that doesn’t work, he splices together some recordings to make it appear as if Dykstra is setting up a crime.  When that doesn’t work and Dykstra decides to take out Duddy, Duddy just kills Dykstra and his men.  Crockett and Tubbs arrest him, charging him with interfering with an investigation.  The charges are ultimately dropped but, when Duddy returns to his home, he finds a video message from Crockett.  “I’ll be watching you!” Crockett says.

This was a strange episode, if just because the main theme seemed to be that the members of the Vice Squad weren’t that smart.  Not only were they repeatedly fooled by Duddy but also Dykstra as well.  Really, anyone with as much experience as Crockett and Tubbs should have been able to figure out what Duddy was doing.  Duddy’s reaction when he heard the 9-11 call (“Sounds like someone’s altering their voice!” Duddy says) should have been a dead giveaway that Duddy knew more than he was telling.  And yet, somehow, Crockett and Tubbs didn’t figure out anything strange was happening until the episode was nearly over.

Dykstra, incidentally, was not a drug dealer.  He was a money launderer and he really didn’t make much of an effort to hide that fact.  I figure it out pretty quickly.  But, again, it took Crockett and Tubbs nearly the entire episode to figure out what Dykstra’s business actually was.  Crockett and Tubbs just had a really off-week with this episode.

On the plus, John Glover was memorably odd as Duddy.  Up until he discovers Dykstra is a murderer, Duddy is having the time of his life playing both sides against each other and it’s actually kind of entertaining to watch.  Apparently, this was Duddy’s only appearance on Miami Vice.  That’s a shame because his character definitely had potential.

Next week: Viggo Mortensen, Annette Bening, and Lou Diamond Phillips all stop by Miami!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.17 “The Afternoon Plane”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Tubbs has an adventure!

Episode 3.17 “The Afternoon Plane”

(Dir by David Jackson, originally aired on February 20th, 1987)

While attending a New Age-y wedding with his latest girlfriend Alicia (Maria McDonald), Tubbs wins a vacation to a tropical island!

It’s about time something …. well, I was going to say something good but honestly, I guess we should just be happy that anything is happening to Tubbs at all.  When this show started, Tubbs was the audience surrogate.  He was the one who came down to Miami and learned about the drug scene.  We saw Miami through his eyes.  But, by the time the third season rolled around, it was pretty clear that Miami Vice hard largely become the Crockett show.  Don Johnson was the star and Philip Michael Thomas often seemed like a supporting character.  Tubbs may have been cooler than Switek but, often times, both of them took a backseat to Crockett.  This week, however, Tubbs finally get his own episode.  Crockett shows up for a few minutes at the start of the episode and that’s it.  This is the Tubbs show!

Of course, it turns out that the vacation does not go the way that Tubbs was expecting.  He runs into a drug dealer named Leon Wolf (Vincent D’Onofrio, making his television acting debut), someone who Tubbs previously put in jail.  Tubbs soon discovers that his old enemies, the Calderone family, are on the Island and they’re looking forward to getting their revenge on Tubbs.  Tubbs, of course, has no legal jurisdiction on the island and the local police certainly aren’t going to help him out.  In fact, many people on the island resent Tubbs because they blame America’s war on drugs for their poverty.  Drug smuggling is big business and it provides an income to a lot of people who would starve otherwise.

Orlando Calderone (John Leguizamo) is coming on the next afternoon plane and no one is willing to defy Orlando by helping Tubbs get off the island.  The episode becomes a Caribbean High Noon, with the clock ticking down and no one willing to stand up and help the endangered law man.  There are some on the island who want to fight back and drive away the Calderones.  But no one is willing to take the chance.

It would have been a lot more compelling if Orlando had been played by someone other than John Leguizamo, who is just as cartoonishly unconvincing here as he was the first time that he appeared on the show.  I know that Miami Vice was early in Leguizamo’s career but his performance here is so unconvincing that it really does make the Calderones just seem like a bunch of low-level punks instead of a feared criminal syndicate.  The final gun battle between Tubbs and the Calderones is handled well-enough but it’s never quite as compelling as it would be if Orlando Calderone was actually an intimidating villain.  In typical Miami Vice fashion, Alicia is seriously wounded in the battle.  It pays not to get involved with either Tubbs or Crockett.

This episode was a slight change of pace.  Apparently, everyone but Philip Michael Thomas got to take some time off during filming and, as a result, Thomas gets to show his own unique style as Rico Tubbs.  Still, this episode was never as compelling as it needed to be.  Hopefully, we are now done with the Calderones.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.16 “Theresa”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, a guest star breaks Sonny’s heart.

Episode 3.16 “Theresa”

(Dir by Virgil W. Vogel, originally aired on February 13th, 1987)

Sonny is planning on asking his girlfriend, Dr. Theresa Lyons (Helena Bonham-Carter), to marry him.  What Sonny doesn’t know is that Theresa is a junkie.  Back surgery caused her to develop a dependence on painkillers and, after she got in trouble for writing her own prescriptions, Theresa started dealing with drug dealers.  Theresa’s addiction has left her vulnerable to a long-haired drug lord named Wyatt (Brad Dourif).  Sonny recently arrested Wyatt but Wyatt has one of his dealers tell Theresa that he’ll only give her a fix if she steals the four evidence tapes from Sonny’s houseboat.  Theresa steals one tape.  The other tapes are destroyed when Wyatt bombs a police evidence warehouse!  Seriously, Wyatt doesn’t mess around and, when that warehouse goes up in flames, we’re reminded that Miami is not a place for the weak.  The police are in a war and they have no possible path to victory.  The bad guys are always willing to do what the police can not.

Most of this episode centers around Theresa and Sonny attempting to deal with her addiction and Sonny coming to realize that Theresa will have to return to the UK if she’s ever going to recover.  Even after Sonny gets suspended from the force while Internal Affairs investigates the theft of the tape, Theresa remains Sonny’s main concern.  It was actually kind of nice to see Sonny caring about someone again.  Don Johnson has been a bit inconsistent this season.  (There are several episodes were its obvious he was getting a bit bored with the part.)  But he does a good job in this episode.

As for the guest stars, Brad Dourif is charismatically evil as the smug and New Age-y Wyatt.  Helena Bonham Cater was only 20 when she appeared in this episode and she looked even younger.  That doesn’t exactly make her the most believable trauma doctor in the world.  Because of her youth, she’s miscast and there are a few times when she looks more like Crockett’s daughter than his girlfriend.  That said, Bonham Carter really sells the scene where she reveals her addiction to Crockett and she definitely captures the desperation of someone in need of another fix.

“Life’s not easy when you’re a lover,” Tubbs says at one point, “….or a primary investigator.”  With Sonny sidelined with his suspension and his personal drama, Tubbs got to play the role of concerned best friend and it’s one that Philip Michael Thomas always played well on the show.  If nothing else, you believe that Tubbs would take a bullet for his partner.  The show may end with Theresa returning to the UK and Sonny sadly looking down at the engagement ring that he’ll never give her but, fortunately, he’ll always have Tubbs.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.15 “Duty and Honor”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, another figure from Castillo’s past comes to Miami.

Episode 3.15 “Duty And Honor”

(Dir by John Nicollela, originally aired on February 6th, 1987)

There is apparently some controversy over what this episode should be called.  When it originally aired in 1987, it was called The Savage, after the serial killer who is pursued by Castillo.  When the episode later turned up in syndication, the title was changed to Duty and Honor, a reflection of the fact that the episode links back to Castillo’s (and, to a lesser extent, Crockett’s) service in Vietnam.  Since the imdb has chosen to go with Duty and Honor, I’ve decided to do the same.

The episode opens in Saigon, in the early 70s.  A clean-shaved Castillo (with a pony tail!) investigates the ritualistic murder of a prostitute.  It’s one of several murders that have occurred over the past few days, with all of the victims being sex workers.  Jump forward to Miami in the 80s and prostitutes are now once again being murdered.  Castillo recognizes the M.O. and soon, Crockett and Tubbs are investigating the local VA.  The doctor (Gary Basaraba) refuses to compromise the confidentiality of what his patients have told him but he does allow Crockett and Tubbs to speak to some of them.  One of the patients talks about a mysterious man who was known as The Savage, who was used as an assassin by the CIA.  The Savage was obsessed with killing and hated women because one violent encounter led to him getting castrated.

Tranh (Haing S. Ngor), who investigated the Saigon murders with Castillo, comes to Miami and shows Castillo that, whenever an enemy or critic of the United States has been assassinated overseas, it’s always coincided with a serial killer targeting prostitutes.  Tranh believes The Savage has come to Miami to assassinate a South American activist who is in town to give a speech.  Tranh and Castillo’s investigation leads them to the Savage’s CIA handler, Jack Colman (Brad Sullivan).  Colman makes clear that he really doesn’t care what The Savage does on his own time.

And yes, The Savage (played by Michael Wright), is indeed in Miami and he is killing prostitutes.  As played by Wright, The Savage is one of the most frightening villains to show up on Miami Vice.  He’s a relentless and sadistic killer who has no control over his impulses.  The CIA turned him into a weapon of war and now that the war is over, he no longer has a place in the real world.  Instead, he’s a nightmare creature who exists to execute anyone who Colman considers to be a threat.

(Around the same time this episode aired, Michael Wright also played the high school gang lord in The Principal.)

Up until the final twist, this episode is Miami Vice at its best — dark, moody, thought-provoking, and morally ambiguous.  After spending most of the season staring at the floor, Edward James Olmos finally gets to be the center of the action.  Unfortunately, the film ends with Tranh revealing that he was actually a spy for North Vietnam and that he’s now a colonel in the Vietnamese army.  He leaves Castillo a note, saying that he hopes they can still be friends and promote the type of peaceful world where nations will not create men like The Savage.  And while I agree that the CIA should not be breeding assassins, I still have to say, what’s up with all the pro-commie crap this season, Miami Vice?

Anyway, other than that, this was a good episode.  I should mention that Helena Bonham Carter briefly appears as Sonny’s new girlfriend.  Apparently, she’ll be the center of next week’s episode.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.14 “Cuba Libre”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, everyone’s moved on from Zito’s death.

Episode 3.14 “Cuba Libre”

(Dir by Virgil W. Vogel, originally aired on January 23rd, 1987)

A routine drug bust at the mansion of Armando Rojas (Willie Colon) goes wrong when a group of masked gunmen show up and demand that Rojas give him all their money.  The gunmen kill a young vice cop and get into a gunfight with Crockett and Tubbs (who are, as usual, pretending to be Burnett and Cooper).  The gunmen make their escape but Crockett suspects that this was more than just a fight amongst drug dealers.  As he tells Castillo, the gunmen acted more like “Quantico than Colombia.”  Since the dead vice cop was a protegee of Crockett’s, Crockett is taking this one personally!

Unfortunately, for Crockett, the FBI doesn’t want him to take this one personally.  The gunmen work for Paco Zamora (Joe Urla), a Cuban refugee who has been working for the government ever since the Bay of Pigs.  Zamora is looking to raise money so that he can overthrow Fidel Castro.  (Boo!  Castro!  Boo!)  Crockett and Tubbs go — *sigh* — undercover as Burnett and Cooper to discover Zamora’s plans.  “Burnett” says that he wants to rip off “Cooper.”  I know I kind of harp on this but I always have to roll my eyes whenever Crockett and Tubbs do the whole Burnett and Cooper thing.  After three seasons of them arresting and killing everyone who falls for the Burnett/Cooper con, you would think the Miami underworld would have caught on by now!  I mean, wasn’t Frank Zappa going to tell everyone in Miami not to trust Sonny Burnett?  Do people in Miami just not share information with each other?  Are they just that easily fooled?  No wonder Fidel Castro hung onto power for all those years.  (Boo!  Castro!  Boo!)

Anyway, it turns out that there is a member of Castro’s (boo!) government visiting Miami and Zamora and his army are planning on assassinating him.  Crockett and Tubbs and the Vice Squad have to stop an international incident from happening in Florida.  Or — considering all of the people that Castro had assassinated over the years (Boo!) — maybe they could have just stayed out of it and let Zamora do his thing.  Seriously, in what world is a Southern good old boy and former CIA-connected football player like Sonny Crockett going to be so concerned with protecting the lives of communist diplomats?  Is that was Larry Zito died for!?  Regardless and as usuasl, everything ends with a shoot-out in which Sonny makes his final argument with a bullet.  Pauline Kael once wrote that Oliver Stone had left-wing politics but a right-wing sensibility and that’s certainly true of Miami Vice as well.

This episode felt pretty routine.  Especially after all the emotional drama of the previous two episodes, Cuba Libre felt like an example of the show on autopilot.

 

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.13 “Down For The Count: Part Two”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week is all about justice for Zito!

Episode 3.13 “Down For The Count: Part Two”

(Dir by Richard Compton, originally aired on January 16th, 1987)

Picking up where last week’s episode ended, Down For The Count: Part Two finds almost the entire Vice Squad mourning the death of Larry Zito.  I say “almost” because, as usual, Castillo refuses to show any emotion or even look anyone in the eye.  When he first appeared, Castillo’s stoicism made him an interesting character but I have to admit that I’m starting to get a bored with the character and his refusal to speak in anything more than terse growls.  ZITO’S DEAD!  WAKE UP, CASTILLO!

Switek, needless to say, is heart-broken.  Trudy tells Gina that she had a totally meaningless one night stand with some guy she met at a club because she was depressed.  (“Did it make you feel better?” Gina asks.  “No!” Trudy wails.)  Crockett is determined to take down crooked boxing promoter Oswaldo Guzman (Pepe Serna) and prove that Zito was not a junkie but that he was instead murdered by Guzman’s goons.  As for Tubbs, he makes a few jokes.  WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, TUBBS!?  ZITO’S DEAD!

Crockett and Tubbs go undercover as Burnett and Cooper and, once again, I find myself wondering how they can keep successfully doing that when their cover has gotten blown over a dozen times over the course of the series.  Do criminals in Miami not talk to each other?  This time, Crockett pretends to be involved with a cable sports network that wants to make a deal to air the fights that Guzman sponsors.  When a Las Vegas gangster named Guilinni (former Warhol superstar Joe Dallesandro) shows up looking to kill Guzman, Crockett and Tubbs effortlessly manipulate both sides.  It turns out that criminals aren’t that smart.

Meanwhile, Trudy and Gina meet one of Crockett’s associates from the Vietnam War.  His name is Danny Allred (Chris Elliott) and he’s a former CIA agent who now lives in an abandoned airplane.  Danny is a codebreaker and he helps them to figure out the code that Guzman was using to keep track of all of his crooked fights.  Danny is a fun character and I hope he shows up in more episodes.  He added some moments of levity to what was otherwise a pretty grim episode.

This episode had plenty of good moments.  The scene where Crockett and Tubbs visited Zito’s apartment was both poignant and nicely-acted by both Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas.  The final shoot-out was violent even by the standards of Miami Vice.  That said, I’m a bit surprised that the episode didn’t revolve around Switek.  Switek gets to express his anger and argue with Internal Affairs at the start of the episode and gets to repeatedly shoot Guzman at the end of the episode but he’s largely absent for the middle part of the story.  As Switek was both Zito’s partner and his best friend, it really does seem like he should have been at the center of the entire episode.

Still, I was glad that Zito’s name was cleared and that Guzman ended up getting shot multiple times until he fell out a window.  The show’s final credits featured still shots of John Diehl as Zito.  I’m going to miss Larry.

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.11 “Forgive Us Our Debts”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week’s episode took me by surprise!

Episode 3.11 “Forgive Us Our Debts”

(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on December 12th, 1986)

Frank Hackman (Guy Boyd) has a date with Florida’s electric chair.  Even though he claims that he’s innocent of killing one of Sonny Crockett’s former partners, Hackman says that he’s guilty of killing others and, having become a Christian while on Death Row, he is prepared to pay the ultimate price.  He even suggests that his execution should be televised.

At first, Sonny is all for Hackman being executed.  But then, a priest calls the Vice Squad and tells them that one of his parishioners confessed to having evidence that could prove that Hackman was actually in Vegas when the murder occurred.  Sonny and the Squad track down Gus Albierro (Val Bisoglio), an auto mechanic who is dying of cancer and who says that he’s telling the truth to clear his conscience.   Not long after Gus talks to Crockett, Gus is executed in his garage.

Convinced that Hackman is innocent, Sonny and Tubbs have one day to find the other person who was with Gus and Hackman in Vegas.  That man turns out to be in the witness protection agency and, at first, he refuses to talk.  Then Crockett takes him outside and beats him up.

Long story short: After having had his head shaved for his date with the electric chair, Hackman’s life is saved and he leaves prison a free man….

Now, up until this point, I felt that this episode was just another rather heavy-handed diatribe against the death penalty.  Miami Vice, as a show, always leaned towards the Left and this episode features two smarmy Florida politicians who are eager to prove how tough they are on crime.  I thought the whole episode was a bit too obvious in its storytelling and I thought my review would focus on the hypocrisy of Miami Vice criticizing the death penalty when almost every episode has ended with the bad guys being taken down in a hail of bullets.

(On a personal note, I’m against the death penalty because I think there is too much of a risk of an innocent person being executed.  But, still, I’m not a fan of heavy-handed storytelling, regardless of whether I agree with the larger point or not.)

But this episode had one final twist waiting up its sleeve.  Hackman steps out of prison and sees Sonny waiting for him.  Sonny is feeling pretty proud of himself.  He saved an innocent man, right?  Wrong!  Hackman proceeds to tell Sonny that he actually did kill Sonny’s former partner and that Gus lied in return for Hackman’s friends sending money to his family.  That guy in witness protection who, at first, refused to testify?  He was working with Hackman, too.

“I won’t need this anymore,” Hackman says, yanking off the cross that was hanging out around his neck.

And that’s how the episode ends!  The bad guys triumph and it’s pretty much all Sonny’s fault!  This was the most cynical episode of Miami Vice yet.  The ending totally took me by surprise and it made me realize that, rather than being a heavy-handed and polemical, this episode was actually extremely clever and perfectly put together.  Just as Hackman fooled Sonny, Miami Vice fooled the viewer (in this case, me).  This turned out to be an excellent episode and certainly the best of season 3 so far.

Because of the holidays, this is my last Miami Vice review of 2024.  My reviews of Miami Vice will resume on January 6th, 2025!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.9 “Baby Blues”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the Vice Squad investigates a baby broker!

Episode 3.9 “Baby Blues”

(Dir by Danial Attias, originally aired on November 21st, 1986)

In honor Miami Vice‘s violent nature (and in recognition of the fact that it’s the holidays and I’ve got a lot of things that I need to do), I’m going to review this week’s episode bullet-point style!

  • The episode starts in Colombia.  Babies are being kidnapped from local villages.  In  some cases, they’re literally snatched from the arms of their mothers.  The babies are taken to Miami where a sleazy lawyer named Howard Famiglia (Tommy Koenig) essentially sells them to wealthy families.
  • Maria Escobar (Patrice Martinez) illegally crosses the border to search for her son in Miami.  She nearly dies in the attempt.  When she and a planeload of babies are discovered on a Miami runway, law enforcement gets involved.
  • Castillo doesn’t think that the case is one that Vice should be investigating.  Gina and Trudy set him straight.
  • It doesn’t take long for the Vice Squad to discover that Famiglia is a baby broker.  One of his customers is played by a young Stanley Tucci.  The customer is willing to testify against Famiglia.
  • Famiglia sends his henchmen out to intimidate and kill all of the witnesses.
  • Famiglia also kills his main hitman and then booby traps his apartment.  When Crockett and Tubbs jump out of the exploding apartment, it looked like Tubbs leg caught on fire.  “Wow,” I said, “that really looked real!”
  • It turns that it was real.  Philip Michael Thomas’s stunt double was severely burned as a result.
  • Eventually, the Vice Squad is able to trick Famiglia into believing that Maria is being kept at a local hospital.  Famiglia sets up a meeting for women looking to adopt.  While the women watch an educational film, Famiglia crawls through a ventilation shaft and tries to enter Maria’s room.
  • SURPRISE!  That’s not Maria in that hospital bed …. it’s Gina!  The Vice Squad shoots Famglia dead, leaving his corpse awkwardly hanging out of the hospital room wall.  For some reason, that sight really disturbed me.
  • Maria is reunited with her son but, upon realizing that he now has a life and a family in America, she decides to let him stay with his new parents.  She is then deported back to Colombia, where she will probably be killed by the same people who stole her baby in the first place.
  • Overall, this episode suffered because the villain was miscast.  Looking at the imdb, the majority of Tommy Koenig’s credits appear to have been comedic.  He’s an actor who looks like he should be on a sketch comedy show and not a gritty crime drama.  Even when Famiglia is crawling through an air duct with a gun, he just looks goofy.  Plus, considering that he had a people working for him who were willing to murder, would Famiglia really have gone to the hospital himself?
  • Stanley Tucci and Tommy Koenig should have switched roles.
  • This episode gave Trudy, Gina, Switek, and Zito more to do than usual.  That was good.  This show often underused its supporting cast.
  • Miami Vice was often a cop show with a political subtext.  In this case (and I’m just pointing it out, I’m not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing), the subtext was that America’s immigration system sucked, as Maria only had a limited amount of time to  find her son before being deported.  But then she decided to leave him in America rather than take him back to Colombia.  Miami Vice was not just political.  It was also usually kind of depressing.

Next week’s episode features Bill Paxton and Wesley Snipes!  I’m looking forward to it!

 

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.7 “El Viejo”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Willie Nelson and Steve Buscemi guest star!

Episode 3.7 “El Viejo”

(Dir by Aaron Lipstadt, originally aired on November 7th, 1986)

Using their undercover identities of Burnett and Cooper, Crockett and Tubbs are attempting to take down a Bolivian drug lord named Mendez (Anwar Zayden).  Unfortunately, Crockett’s first attempt to bust Mendez does not go so well.  Their meeting, which is being held at a museum for some reason, is interrupted by a security guard.  In the resulting shootout, the security guard is killed and a green briefcase that’s full of cocaine is stolen by an old man named Jake Pierson (Willie Nelson).  Soon, Jake is attempting to contact Mendez himself, offering to bring him the briefcase.  Jake’s actions also bring him to the attention of Crockett and Tubbs, who both wonder why a 66 year-old Texan with no criminal record is suddenly trying to get involved in their drug deal.

Jake, it turns out, is a former Texas Ranger.  When he was younger, he was a legend.  He and his partner took down criminals like Bonnie and Clyde and protected Texas from Mexican revolutionaries who were preying on the border towns.  It’s been a while since Jack retired.  Now, he lives in a tiny apartment and spends most of his time thinking about the past.  He’s still a killer shot with a gun and knows how to handle himself in a fight.  But he also has a heart condition and, in fact, he would have died early on in the episode if Tubbs hadn’t given him his pills.  Crockett, for his part, idolizes the Texas Rangers, to an extent that almost seems out-of-character when you consider how cynical Crockett is usually portrayed as being.  Crockett is stunned that a former Ranger would be involved with running drugs.  Even though he’s pretending to be career criminal Sonny Burnett, Crockett still asks Jake about all of his adventures as a Ranger and does little to hide how impressed he is.

So, why has Jake gone over to the bad side?  Well, he really hasn’t.  It turns out that the son of his former partner was murdered by Mendez and Jake is looking to get revenge.  It all leads to a number of shoot-outs, including an exciting one that occurs on a Miami highway and an explosive finale at a cemetery.  Jake kills Mendez and his men but, in typical Miami Vice fashion, he takes a bullet himself and dies right after he reveals that he knew Crockett was a cop all along.

This episode features two notable guest stars.  Along with Willie Nelson, Steve Buscemi shows up in a small but memorable role as Rickles, who serves as a go-between for Crockett and Mendez.  Buscemi is as wonderfully weaselly as ever and, even though he’s a bit stiff as an actor, Nelson still brings a lot of Texas authenticity to the character of Jake Pierson.  Of course, in real life, Vice would have stopped Willie and searched his tour bus as soon as he entered the Miami city limits.  This is a pretty dark episode but it’s still amusing to watch iconic hippie stoner Willie Nelson play a cop, even if Jake is retired.

This was a good episode.  That Don Johnson and Willie Nelson were friends in real life is easy to deduce from witnessing how easily they play off of each other in this episode.  This is another episode where the bad guys are defeated but at the cost of a good guy.  Mendez will soon be replaced by another drug lord but no one will ever replace Jake Pierson.