Tag Archives: Movies

6 Trailers for the Labour Party

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, I guess I should start this off with an apology to all the British leftists out there who might have wandered over here after accidentally misinterpreting the title of this post.  This post does not feature anyone named Paddy, Tony, or Gordon.  (Actually, Paddy Ashdown is apparently not a member of the Labour Party but I just happen to like his name.)  Instead, it’s just the latest entry in a series I like to call Lisa’s Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers. 

1) High Ballin’ (1978)

For some reason, this trailer just screams Labor Day to me.  I have to be honest though, I think there’s a double meaning to the title.

2) Moonrunners (1974)

I get the feeling this movie was the Winter’s Bone of its day. 

3) Gator Bait (1973)

This is one of my favorite trailers if just because I imagine I’m probably kin to half the people in this film (and in Moonrunners, for that matter.)

4) Alligator (1980)

However, you don’t have to go to Louisiana to be gator bait…

5) C.H.U.D. (1984)

Speaking of things living underground, C.H.U.D. apparently stands for Cannibalstic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.  I’ve got this one on DVD and, to be honest, I’ve never been able to stay awake through the whole thing.  But the trailer is effective and you can tell it’s from the 80s because there’s no attempt to show that the little doggie escaped.

6) Night of the Demons (1988)

Okay, so this trailer is kinda boring (though I imagine all you boys will enjoy all the boobies) up until that final image which just totally freaks me out for some reason.  “Where are you going?  The party’s just begun…”  Agck!

And now, I’m off to find myself a Labour Party — a Labor Day party, that is.

15 Upcoming Films That Are Going To Suck

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

In just another few days, the summer movie season will end and we’ll enter the fall.  The fall movie season is when all of the prestigious, massively hyped “quality” films are released.  These are the films that everyone is expecting to see remembered at Oscar time.  We expect more out of films released in the Fall and therefore, when a film fails to live up to the expectation of perfection, we are far more quicker to simply damn the whole enterprise by exclaiming, “That sucked!”

Below are 15 upcoming fall films which I think are going to “suck.”  Quite a few of them are “prestige” films though a few of them most definitely are not.  However, they are all films that I fully expect to be disappointed with.

Quick disclaimer: This list is based on only two things, my gut instinct and the advice of my Parker Brothers Ouija Board.  These are my opinions and solely my opinions and they should not be taken as a reflection of the opinions of anyone else involved with this web site.  Got it?  Good, let’s move on to the fun part:

  1. Anonymous (10/28) — Roland Emmerich takes on the burning issue of whether or not Shakespeare actually wrote his plays.  Who cares?  I’m sure this will spark a lot of discussion among people who found The Da Vinci Code to be mind-blowing.
  2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (12/21) — Deal with it, fanboys.
  3. The Ides of March (10/7) — It’s a political film directed by and starring George Clooney!  Watch out for the smug storm that will surely follow.
  4. Immortals (11/11) — Yes, it will suck but it will still probably be better than Clash of the Titans.
  5. The Iron Lady (12/16) — Bleh. This is one of those movies that they make solely because Meryl Streep needs another Oscar nomination.  Nobody will see the film but everyone will talk about how brilliant Meryl was in it.
  6. J. Edgar (TBA) — So, when was the last time that Clint Eastwood actually directed a movie that you didn’t have to make excuses for?
  7. Mission Impossible — Ghost Protocol (12/21) — Honestly, has there ever been a Mission Impossible film that didn’t suck in one way or another?
  8. Real Steel (10/7) — How do I know this film is going to suck?  Go look up the trailer on YouTube and you can see that little kid go, “You know everything about this fight game!” for yourself. 
  9. Red State (9/23) — A satirical horror film with a political subtext?  Well, let’s just hope they’ve got a great director…
  10. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (12/16) — It’s the law of diminished returns.  The better the original, the worse the sequel.  That said, I really hope I’m wrong on this one.  I loved Sherlock Holmes.
  11. Straw Dogs (9/16) — It’s a remake of the old Peckinpah classic except now, it’s a Yankee Blue Stater getting attacked by a bunch of Redneck Red Staters.  Yankee paranoia is so freaking tedious.  Add to that, Straw Dogs has been remade a few million times and never as well as the original.  At least those remakes had the decency to come up with their own name instead of just trying to coast on the credibility of a better film.  This travesty was written, directed, and produced by Rod Lurie.  Shame on you, Rod Lurie.  (Of course, the toadsuckers over at AwardsDaily.com are madly enthused about this film.)
  12. The Three Musketeers (10/21) — Is anybody expecting otherwise?
  13. Tower Heist (11/4) — Brett Ratner continues to encourage us to lower our standards with this action-comedy.  The film’s villain is played by Alan Alda and is supposed to be a Bernie Madoff-type so expect a lot of tedious pontificating from rich actors playing poor people.
  14. War Horse (12/28) — This might actually be a good film but, as a result of all of the hype, it’s going to have to be perfect or else it’s going to suck.
  15. W.E. (12/9) — Madonna makes her directorial debut with … well, do I really need to go on?

Poll: Tell Lisa Marie What To Watch Next Sunday

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, guess what I did earlier today?  That’s right — I put on a blindfold, a stumbled over to my ever-growing DVD, Blu-ray. and even VHS collection and I randomly selected 12 films!

Why did I do this?

I did it so you, the beloved readers of Through the Shattered Lens, could once again have a chance to tell me what to do.  At the end of this post, you’ll find a poll.  Hopefully, between now and next Sunday (that’s August 21st), a few of you will take the time to vote for which of these 12 films I should watch and review.  I will then watch the winner on Sunday and post my review on Monday night.  In short, I’m putting the power to dominate in your hands.  Just remember: with great power comes great … well, you know how it goes.

Here are the 12 films that I randomly selected this afternoon:

Abduction — From 1975, this soft-core grindhouse film is based on the real-life abduction of Patty Hearst and was made while Hearst was still missing.  Supposedly, the FBI ended up investigating director Joseph Zito to make sure he wasn’t involved in the actual kidnapping.

Aguirre, The Wrath of God — From director Werner Herzog and star Klaus Kinski comes this story about a Spanish conquistador who fights a losing battle against the Amazon.

Black Caesar — In one of the most succesful of the 70s blaxploitation films, Fred Williamson takes over the Harlem drug trade and battles the mafia.

Don’t Look Now — Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie are a married couple who attempt to deal with the death of their daughter by going to Venice, Italy.  Christie quickly falls in with two blind psychics while Sutherland pursues a ghostly figure in a red raincoat through Venice.  Directed by Nicolas Roeg.

The Lion In Winter — From 1968, this best picture nominee stars Peter O’Toole and Katharine Hepburn as King Henry II and his wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine.  Taking place on Christmas Eve, Henry and Eleanor debate which one of their useless sons will take over a king of England.  This film is also the feature debut of both Anthony Hopkins and Timothy Dalton.

Logan’s Run — From 1976, this sci-fi film features Michael York and Jenny Agutter as two future hedonists seeking Sanctuary and instead finding Peter Ustinov and a bunch of cats.  Filmed in my hometown of Dallas.

Lost Highway — From director David Lynch comes this 1997 film about … well, who knows for sure what it’s about?  Bill Pullman may or may not have killed Patricia Arquette and he may or may not end up changing into Balthazar Getty.

Mystic River — From director Clint Eastwood comes this film about murder, guilt, redemption, and suspicion in working-class Boston.  Starring Sean Penn, Kevin Bacon, and Tim Robbins.

Naked Massacre — From 1976, this stark film is something a grindhouse art film.  It takes the true life story of Chicago mass murderer Richard Speck and transfers the action to Belfast.  Also known as Born for Hell.

Night of the Creeps — From 1986, this film features alien slugs that turn an entire college campus into a breeding ground for frat boy zombies.  Tom Atkins gets to deliver the classic line: “Well don’t go out there…”

Petulia — Considered by many to be one of the best American films ever made and one of the definitive films of the 60s, Petulia tells the story of a divorced doctor (George C. Scott) who enters into an odd relationship with Julie Christie.  Directed by Richard Lester, this film also stars Joseph Cotten, Richard Chamberlain, and the Grateful Dead.

What Have You Done To Solange? — From 1975, What Have You Done To Solange is a classic giallo that  features dream-like murders, disturbing subtext, and one of the best musical scores of all time.

So, there’s your 12 films.  Vote once, vote often, have fun, and I await your decision.

Voting will be open until Sunday, August 21st.

6 Trailers On The Way To A 1,000

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi.  Good morning.  I’m sitting here in my beloved Pirates shirt with my hair a big mess and an aggressive kitty trying to dig his claws into my thigh as a sign of affection as I try to complete this thing known as “waking up” but I’m still a happy girl and I’ll tell you why. 

First off, we’re only six posts away from hitting that magical 1,000th post.  And, once we hit a thousand, Arleigh is going to give us all a 50% raise on our current Shattered Lens salary.  Yay!  I know I can really use the money as I’m getting ready to go back to school and get my master’s.

Secondly, I’m happy because it’s Saturday!  And that means it’s time for 6 more of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

1) The 10th Victim (1965)

This trailer is for the Italian satire/sci-fi film The 10th Victim.  As this trailer makes clear, the film’s American distributor wasn’t quite sure how to sell this particular film.

2) Chained Heat (1983)

By contrast, the distributors of Chained Heat appear to have known exactly who would be sitting in their audience.  Chained Heat has a reputation for being one of the sleaziest of the Women in Prison films and that’s saying something.  I actually saw this playing on cable once though I was kinda *ahem* tied up at the time and as such, didn’t pay too much attention to it. 

3) Penitentiary (1979)

Continuing on a prison theme, here’s the trailer for Penitentiary.  This film was made by Jaama Fanaka, the director of Welcome Home, Brother Charles.

4) Delinquent Schoolgirls (1973)

Yeah, I haven’t actually seen this film but I’m going to guess that the trailer is probably more exploitive than the actual film.  This is a classic example of the exploitation tease.  Also, this is yet another example of a ’70s trailer that makes me go, “Ewwwwww!” at the sight of a dumpy man running around in his  man panties.  I mean, seriously — ewwwww, 1970s, ewwww!

5) Manhattan Baby (1982)

The title makes it sound like a second-rate Broadway musical but actually, Manhattan Baby was (along with the far better remember New York Ripper) Lucio Fulci’s follow-up to the brilliant Beyond trilogy.  I’ve sat through this film a few times and I’m still not sure why it’s called Manhattan Baby.  Maybe Fulci was trying to start a trilogy of New York-themed horror films.  Maybe The House By The Bronx was meant to be next…

6) Return of the Evil Dead (1972)

This is the sequel to Armando De Ossorio’s Tombs of the Blind Dead and, arguably, the best of the Blind Dead films.

6 Trailers To Help Dry Lisa’s Tears

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh my God, yesterday sucked. 

First off, I was supposed to be seeing Capt. America but when we were standing in line to get our tickets, I started to feel dizzy and then I kinda sorta ended up fainting.  Which I know sounds like something serious but, to be honest, I faint all the time.  I’m like a Tennessee Williams heroine that way.  It’s no big deal except to my sister and my boyfriend who decided that instead of going to the movies, I should go home, lay down, rest, and “take care of myself.”  so, I told them that they were crazy and that I was perfectly fine and they were like, “You’re so full of it, Lisa Marie,” and then I stood up to show them how healthy I was and I guess I didn’t put my feet on the ground correctly because suddenly, I was going down again and anyway, long story short, I ended up being dragged back to the house.

And then once I got back home, one of my longtime twitter followers suddenly decided to unfollow me because apparently, I haven’t been a good enough friend to him.  Which I found interesting considering that I had just spent the past week literally holding his hand while he attempted to get over not one but two girls who never liked him in the first place.  So, yeah, learning that despite my best efforts, I’m apparently just a self-centered bitch who foolishly uses twitter to talk about what I want to talk about as opposed to devoting all of my time to helping some asshole deal with problems that a 12 year-old should be able to freaking handle, well, that kinda sorta hurt my feelings just a little bit.  (Contrary to popular opinion, redheads with big boobs actually do have feelings.  Go figure!) 

However, things are not a complete bust.  First off, as I type this, I’m watching the old episode of Degrassi where Emma and Alex have that huge fight in the school hallway while Paige and Spinner skip school and Ashley gets dressed up like Elvis and then Mr. Simpson finds out his cancer is in remission.  I love that episode.  And, along with watching Degrassi, I’m also putting together the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

Things are looking up already.

1) Last House On The Left (1972)

Yep, that’s the kind of mood I’m in.  I’m starting things off with the trailer for the evil grindhouse/drive-in movie to end all evil grindhouse/drive-in movies, the original Last House on the Left.  Why?  Because, as the trailer tells us, the road leads to nowhere…

2) Destroy All Monsters (1968)

If I do get out of my present funk, it’ll be due to trailers like this one.  It’s just so goofy! 

3) Cheerleader Camp (1988)

Erin claims that actual cheerleader camp was nothing like the cheerleader camp in this trailer. 

4) The Park Is Mine (1986)

This Canadian action film stars Tommy Lee Jones, who was also apparently in Capt.  America.  Not that I would know.

5) The Undertaker and His Pals (1966)

Believe it or not, I’ve got this one on DVD and this is one of those films that looks a lot more extreme in the trailer than it actually is.  The film itself is a collection of bad performances, juvenile humor, and silly gore effects.  The trailer looks a lot more sick than the actual film, which is why it’s a classic of grindhouse advertising.

6) It’s Alive (1974)

This is yet another trailer from the fertile mind of Larry Cohen.  It’s alive!  What is it?  It can either be your dream or your NIGHTMARE!  Much like me.

Let’s Second Guess The Academy: 2002 Best Picture

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there and welcome to the latest edition of Let’s Second Guess The Academy.  Previously, we second-guessed the Academy’s choice for best picture of 1990, 1994, and 1998.  It seems only fitting that we now jump ahead another 4 years and reconsider the race for best picture of 2002.

In 2002, the Academy nominated five films for best picture.  Those films were Chicago, Gangs of New York, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Pianist, and The Hours.  They ultimately named Chicago the best film of 2002.  Were they right?

And now, here’s my favorite part of second guessing the Academy.  What if none of the five nominated films had been released in 2002?  Which other films would you have nominated?  Below is a list of some of 2002’s most acclaimed and memorable films.  You can vote for up to 10 replacement nominees and write-in votes are allowed.

As always, have fun!

6 Trailers of Separation

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi there!  Welcome to the latest edition of Lisa Marie’s Favorite Grindhouse and Exploitation Trailers.

1) Ghost Town (1988)

Let’s start things out with this film from 1988.  I haven’t seen this film but the trailer has a certain silly charm to it and how can’t you enjoy the use of the fake lightning special effect?  Plus, those finger nails screeching across the car — Agck!  Freaky.

2) Blue Sunshine (1976)

This is one of my favorite movies.  Basically, a bunch of hippies take some really powerful acid in 1968 and then, eight years later, they end up having the worst flashback ever!  To say that Zalman King gives an “interesting” performance as the film’s hero is a bit of an understatement.

3) Road Games (1981)

“Jamie Lee Curtis is…Hitch.”  Well, that would probably explain why she was destined to end up hitchhiking.  Seriously, parents — give it some thought before you give your child any old name.  Anyway, Road Games was director Richard Franklin’s follow-up to Patrick and it’s one of the better slasher films of the early 80s.

4) The Dungeonmaster (1985)

Oh my God, this looks like a bad movie.  The trailer, however, is just so silly and kinda endearing in the way that it seems to desperately be saying, “No, it’s not as bad as it looks!  Look — we have ice people!”

5) Conquest (1983)

All I need to say here is that this film was directed by the one and only, Lucio Fulci.

6) Maniac Cop (1988)

Finally, let’s end this latest edition with Bruce Campbell, shall we?  This is the trailer for William Lustig’s Spinell-free Maniac Cop.

Let’s Second Guess The Academy: 1998 Best Picture Nominees

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi and welcome to this week’s edition of Let’s Second Guess The Academy.  Previously, we reconsidered the best picture nominees for both 1990 and 1994.  This week, we jump forward 4 more years to consider the race for best picture of 1998.

1998 saw one of the greatest upsets in Academy history when Shakespeare in Love was named best picture over Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan.  Even after more than a decade, this decision remains a controversial one.  Some people — including this site’s founder — will tell you that Saving Private Ryan was robbed.  Others, like my sister Megan, loved Shakespeare in Love so much that they still have the sepia-toned movie poster hanging in their house.  And then there are people like me who will tell you that Shakespeare was better than Ryan but Thin Red Line was better than Shakespeare and that, finally, Elizabeth is the best of them all.

So, looking back with the benefit of hindsight (I love that word!), which of 1998’s best picture nominees would you have voted for?

And here’s the part of Let’s Second Guess The Academy that I really love — if none of the five actual nominees had been released in 1998, which other films would you have nominated in their place?  You can vote for up to 5 films.

(If the 2nd poll isn’t showing up on your browser, please click here and you will be redirected to it.)

2011: The Year In Film So Far

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Greetings from the former home of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Crossville, Tennessee!  Yes, Jeff and I are on our way back to Texas.  It’s been a wonderful vacation but I have to admit, I’m looking forward to seeing a movie at the Plano (or Dallas) Angelika on Sunday.  I’m not sure which movie but, as long as it’s a movie, I’ll be a happy girl.

That’s because I love movies.  Movies are what I schedule my life around.  My birth certificate says I was born in 1985 but I know that I was born in the year of Brazil, Prizzi’s Honor, Blood Simple, and After Hours.  If each year can be judged by the quality of the films then how is 2011 looking now that we’ve reached (and passed) the halfway mark?

Right now, as I sit here in this hotel room in my panties and my beloved Pirates shirt, I’d say 2011 is shaping up to be an average year.  There’s been a few films that I loved and there’s been a few that I’ve absolutely despised but for the most part, this year is shaping up to be comfortable and rather bland. 

Much as I did last year at this time, I’m going to take a few minutes to mention a few high points (and low points) of 2011 so far.  Agree?  Disagree?  Make your opinion known.

Best Film (So Far): Hanna, without a doubt.  Joe Wright’s stylish thriller hasn’t gotten half the acclaim that it deserves.  Runners-ups: The Cave of Forgotten Dreams, Incendies, Jane Eyre, Kill The Irishman, Of Gods and Men, Red Riding Hood, Sucker Punch, The Source Code, Super, 13 Assassins, The Tree of Life, Win Win, X-Men: First Class

Best Male Performance of the Year (so far): Paul Giamatti in Win Win.  Runners up: Bobby Cannavale in Win Win, Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Hesher, Matthew McConaughey in The Lincoln Lawyer, and Rainn Wilson in Super.

Best Female Performance Of The Year (so far): Sairose Ronan in Hanna. Runners up: Lubna Azabal for Incendies, Ellen Page for Super, Amy Ryan for Win Win, and Mia Wasikowska for Jane Eyre.

Best Ending (so far): The charmingly low budget zombie film that runs over the end credits of Super 8.

Best Horror Film (so far): Insidious.

Most Underrated Film Of The Year (so far): A tie, between Sucker Punch and Red Riding Hood.  Red Riding Hood, as a matter of fact, was so underrated that I had to see it a second time before I really appreciated it.

Best Bad Film: Beastly.  Silly but kinda fun in a really, really odd sort of way.

Worst Film of The Year (so far): The Conspirator, a bore of a movie that was apparently filmed through a filter of grime.  Runners up: Priest, The Beaver, Battle L.A. (sorry Arleigh, Leonard, and Erin), Season of the Witch, Your Highness, and The Green Lantern.

Biggest Example of A Missed Opportunity This Year (So Far): The Adjustment Bureau, which could have been a great Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind-type of film but instead, turned out to be just another predictable and shallow example of new age triteness.

The Get-Over-It Award For The First Half Of 2011: The Conspirator, a film that attempts to be relavent by using the 19th Century to comment on political issues from 2006.

My Prediction For Which Film Will Be The Most Overrated Of 2011: Last year, I predicted The Social Network and, surprise surprise, I was right.  In fact, the folks at AwardsDaily.com are still bitching about how The Social Network lost best picture to The King’s Speech.  (By the way, a few other choice pieces of wisdom from Awards Daily: The Beaver is Jodie Foster’s best film ever and only elitists should be allowed to comment on film.)  This year, I’m going to predict that the most overrated film of 2011 will be the unnecessary remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

My Prediction For What Will Be The Worst Film Of 2011: The winner here is another remake — Rod Lurie is remaking Straw Dogs and this time, he’s setting it in the South.  You know what?  Go back to Vermont and fuck yourself ragged, you dumbass, blue state elitist.  

So, that’s 2011 so far.  There’s still quite a few films that I’m looking forward to seeing: Another Earth, The Debt, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark; Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy; Hugo, and most of all, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2.

Coming soon: Bleh, Agck, and Yay! (And don’t forget Harry Potter!)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

When you go to the movies as much as I do, you realize and very quickly accept that you’re going to end up seeing certain trailers a few thousand times before you actually get to see the film being advertised.  (By this point, I can pretty much recite that trailer for Cowboys and Aliens by heart.)  In the case of a good trailer, this can make an otherwise forgettable film into a must-see event.  And, in the case of a bad trailer, it can literally make you shout out at “Agck!” at the thought of having to sit through it again.

What follows are three trailers that, as of late, I’ve found myself sitting through on multiple occasions.  The first one makes me go “bleh,” the second makes me say “Agck,” and the third inspires a cautious but hopeful little “Yay!”

First off, here’s Page One.  This is one of those trailers that you look at and you think, “Everyone in this trailer is so physically unattractive that this must be a documentary.”  And it  is!

I have a feeling that Page One is going to be widely acclaimed and it’ll probably win awards from the same people who thought the shrill Inside Job was more thought-provoking than Exit From The Gift Shop.  That said, I can’t help but admit that watching this trailer inspires me to say, “Who cares?”  Seriously, yet another documentary where a bunch of old people whine about how they’re no longer relavent?  Yeah, sounds thrilling.

In fact, the prospect of sitting through Page One sounds almost as thrilling as sitting through a movie, made by the same people who gave us 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow,  about the authorship of Shakespeare’s plays. 

Anonymous, I imagine, will be quite popular with people who found the Da Vinci Code to be a mind-blowing experience.

Luckily, all is not lost.  True, it does appear that we’ve got a lot of Anonymous films in our future, but we’ve also got Another Earth.

I have to admit that, just on the basis of this trailer (which I’ve caught a handful times down at both the Dallas and Plano Angelika theaters), Another Earth is the film that I’m probably most looking forward to seeing (with the exception, of course, of Harry Potter.)   When compared to the self-importance of the trailer for Page One and the almost comical slickness of the trailer for Anonymous, the the low-key aesthetic of the trailer for Another Earth feels almost defiant.

Obviously, there have been many bad films that have had wonderfully effective trailers.  In fact, I’d be willing to say that 75% of most movies actually work better as a 2 minute trailer as opposed to as a 2-hour film.  And some good films have had terrible trailers.

In theory, Page One could turn out to be the greatest documentary since Exit Through The Gift Shop and maybe Anonymous will prove that Roland Emmerich is actually an artist as opposed to just a wealthy pyromaniac.  I certainly hope that’s the case because, believe it or not, I’d much rather sit through a good film than a bad one. 

However, on the basis of trailer alone, of all the upcoming films that don’t feature Harry Potter and Voldermort, Another Earth is the film I’m most looking forward to.

Speaking of which, here’s the 2nd trailer for the film of 2011: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: