Julie’s Tycoon”

Posted on July 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you….

Episodes 6.7 and 6.8 “The Spoonmaker Diamond/Papa Doc/The Role Model/Julie’s Tycoon”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 13th, 1982)

The Love Boat is going to Greece and Turkey!

Well, actually, it’s the Love Boat crew that is going to Greece and Turkey. They’ve been asked to temporarily take over another ship and, of course, Captain Stubing said yes. This is one of those two-hour Love Boat episodes where the action was actually shot on location and on a real cruise ship. As such, it’s more of a travelogue that anything. We get to see the sights of both Greece and Turkey and no one makes any jokes about Midnight Express.

The majority of the storylines revolve around the Spoonmaker Diamond, a very valuable diamond that has been stolen by someone on the ship. Was the diamond stolen by Emmett and Ellen Stokes (Harvey Korman and Nancy Dussault)? Was the diamond stolen by Mark Hayward (Mike Connors)? That’s what Inspector Sadu (Jamie Farr) is trying to figure out! Of course, regardless of who stole it, it ultimately ends up in the unknowing possession of travel agent Dana Pierce (Polly Bergen). Will Mark steal the diamond or will he fall in love with Dana? Why can’t he do both? This was an odd story because you had the goofiness of Harvey Korman and Jamie Farr and then you had the grouchy intensity of Mike Connors. Connors seemed to be under the impression that he was appearing on a hard-boiled crime show as opposed to an enjoyably silly comedy about a cruise ship.

Meanwhile, Sabrina Drake (Jan Smithers) is a young heiress who is traveling with her mother, Amanda (Alexis Smith). Amanda is not happy when she sees that tabloid reporter Joe Novak (Kiel Martin) is also on the cruise. She’ll probably be even less happy when she discovers that Amanda is 1) secretly seeing Joe and 2) is pregnant. When Doc finds out that Sabrina is pregnant, he offers to marry her. Why not? He’s known her for two days and he’s in love. Fortunately, Joe talks to Amanda and wins Amanda’s blessing for his relationship with Sabrina. Doc remains single.

Speaking of marriage, Greek tycoon Gregori Pananopolis (Lorenzo Lamas) asks Julie to marry him. Julie is stunned and says she needs some time to think it over. She tells Captain Stubing that she’s not sure if she’s ready to get married. Uhmm …. Julie, this like the third or fourth guy who had asked you to marry him on this show. You’ve nearly gotten married twice. It’s odd how the show always acts as if marriage proposals aren’t a recurring theme when it comes to Julie. Fortunately, Julie stays single because we all know she’s destined to eventually marry Doc. Or Gopher, maybe.

Fashion photographer Cliff Jacobs (David Hedison) runs into his ex-wife, model Monica Brandon (Linda Evans). He lies about having landed a job with a magazine in order to get her to pose for him. He also takes some pictures of Vicki posing amongst the ruins of Greece. Later, a magazine contacts him and offers to make Vicki into a star but he and Monica decide not to tell Vicki because they don’t want her to have to deal with pressure of being a model. Hey Cliff and Monica, that’s really not your decision to make. I’m sure being a model would be no less detrimental to Vicki than spending her entire youth on a cruise ship with people who are several decades older than her.

As I said at the start of the review, this episode worked best as a travelogue. None of the stories were particularly intriguing but the scenery was lovely. Even Turkey looked like a nice place to visit!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.9 “Naughty Marietta/The Winning Ticket”

Posted on March 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Tattoo’s rich!

Episode 6.9 “Naughty Marietta/The Winning Ticket”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired January 8th, 1983)

Let’s get the boring storyline out of the way first.

Overbearing Beatrice Solomon (Jayne Meadows) wants her daughter, Alison (Dorothy Hamill) to become an actress. Beatrice’s husband (David Doyle) wishes that Beatrice would just back off. Mr. Roarke sends Alison into the past, where Alison finds herself transformed into Marietta, the subject of the operetta Naughty Marietta. Lorenzo Lamas plays Captain Richard Warrington, who is trying to track down a notorious pirate on behalf of the Governor of Louisiana (James Doohan). There’s a lot of singing and the costumes are nice but it’s also kind of boring because ice skater Dorothy Hamill was a terrible actress and she has next to no chemistry with Lorenzo Lamas. The fantasy ends with everyone brought back to the present, including Lamas who, it turns out, was actually just a guest having a fantasy of his own. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before and I don’t want to talk to much about it because the other story is …. A TATTOO STORY!

After years of being the sidekick and Mr. Roarke’s enigmatic frenemy, Tattoo finally gets a story of his own. When Margaret Stanton (Hope Lange) comes to the Island to award a check to an employee who won the Irish Sweepstakes, Roarke is saddened to inform her that the man, a groundskeeper named Ambrose, passed away shortly after winning. Roarke assigns Tattoo to find out who Ambrose’s closest friend was on the Island. Tattoo takes his job seriously. Afterall, Tattoo was one of the few people who regularly checked on the curmudgeonly old man, always stopping by to talk and to make sure that he was feeling okay. As a matter of fact, you could even say that Tattoo was a true friend to the old man. In the end, he was truly the old man’s best friend….

OH MY GOD, TATTOO’S RICH!

After reading the deceased man’s diary, Roarke and Tattoo realize that Ambrose would have wanted Tattoo to have the money. Tattoo now has a million dollars and Roarke decides that this means that Tattoo is now a guest at Fantasy Island. Tattoo moves into the most spectacular guest bungalow. Tattoo orders a fancy meal and leaves a huge tip. Tattoo is having a wonderful time until Mr. Roarke informs him that guests are not allowed to live on the Island….

WAIT, WHAT!?

Okay, first off, it wasn’t Tattoo’s idea to be a guest. It was Roarke’s idea. Roarke also mentions that Tattoo is the one who came up with the idea of not allowing guests to live on the Island but, over the past few seasons, we’ve seen many guests decide to never leave the Island and Roarke has never had a problem with it! Seriously, I thought Tattoo and Mr. Roarke were finally getting along. Suddenly, it seems like Mr. Roarke has decided to kick him out. “I will miss you,” Mr. Roarke says. Well, then don’t make him leave! Can’t Mr. Roarke do whatever he feels like doing?

Tattoo, for his part, says that he will miss being on the Island. He’ll miss Mr. Roarke. He’ll miss the rest of the staff. He’ll miss everything. Tattoo decides that rather than leave the Island, he’ll donate the money to build a retirement home in England. And that’s nice and all but I still don’t understand why Tattoo would have had to leave in the first place. Maybe Mr. Roarke just wanted to teach Tattoo about generosity but Tattoo is already extremely generous.

As the show ends, Mr. Roarke mentions that Tattoo still needs to pay for his stay in the bungalow and for all the food he ordered. DON’T START, MR. ROARKE!

This was a weird episode but it was still nice to see Tattoo get his moment in the spotlight. I still think he should have allowed to keep the money and stay on the Island. I mean, seriously, this Island is full of eccentric rich people living in haunted mansions. Why should Tattoo miss out on all the fun?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 4.8 “The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She’s Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two”

Posted on March 20, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week …. stuff happens!

Episode 4.8 “The Baby Alarm/Tell Her She’s Great/Matchmaker, Matchmaker Times Two”

(Dir by Ray Austin, originally aired on November 29th, 1980)

This episode opens with Doc, Gopher, and Julie all angry with Isaac. Apparently, while they were on shore leave, they went to see a church production of MacBeth, one that starred Isaac’s Aunt Tanya (Isabel Sanford) as Lady MacBeth. Apparently, the play was terrible and Aunt Tanya was even worse and somehow this is Isaac’s fault.

(Myself, I’m more confused by the idea of a church doing a production of MacBeth.)

Isaac, however, has one more favor to ask. Aunt Tanya is going to be a passenger on the next cruise, along with her husband, Charles (Mel Stewart). Isaac begs everyone to tell Tanya that she was great in the play. Everyone acts as if this is the most difficult thing that they’ve ever been asked to do but they finally agree. Even Captain Stubing agrees, even though he wasn’t at the play.

(Again, I’m confused as to why everyone is so upset over having to be polite to Isaac’s aunt. Were they all planning on throwing tomatoes at her and booing when she boarded the ship?)

All of the praise goes to Aunt Tanya’s head and, halfway through the cruise, she decides to leave her husband and go to Hollywood to be a star. Isaac finally has to tell Tanya that she’s not a good actress and that he had to beg his co-workers to be nice to her. Good Lord, how bad could she have been? The important thing, though, is that, by crushing Tanya’s dreams and confidence, Isaac is able to save the marriage.

Speaking of marriage, Mr. and Mrs. Clark (Troy Donahue and Terry Moore) think that it would be great if their son, Brett (Lorenzo Lamas, who looks nothing like either Troy Donahue or Terry Moore), married his friend-since-childhood, Cathy Cummings (Melissa Sue Anderson). Cathy’s parents (Farley Granger and Joan Lorring) agree! Brett and Cathy get so annoyed with all of the matchmaking going on that they decide to pretend that they’re sleeping together just to freak out their parents. And it works, despite the fact that the parents wanted them to get together in the first place. I guess the parents expected them to hold off on having sex until after the wedding. Get with the times, you boomers! Anyway, having fake sex causes Cathy and Brett to fall in love so I guess there will be real sex in the future …. but only after they say, “I do!” Dumb as this storyline was, Lorenzo Lamas and Melissa Sue Anderson were really cute together.

Finally, Cynthia Bowden (Susan Howard) boards the boat with her adorable baby. The baby has a sixth sense. If he cries, Cynthia knows that any nearby man is no good. For instance, no good Gig Wayburn (Stan Sells) is only interested in one thing and the baby cries as soon as he enters the cabin. Good, baby! Fortunately, when the baby’s father, Bill (John Reilly), shows up on the boat, the baby doesn’t cry at all and it leads to a happy reunion between him and Cynthia.

This week’s episode was pretty bland and I actually found myself struggling to remember much about it while writing up this review. Some cruises are like that, I guess.

Oh well….

….

Personally, I think I’d make a kickass Lady MacBeth.

The Eric Roberts Horror Collection: Bleach (dir by Michael Edmonds)

Posted on October 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2022 film, Bleach, tells the story of Jonah Paxton (Mark Justice).

Born in Nevada, Jonah never knew his mother. He was raised in a trailer by his abusive father (Lorenzo Lamas), a degenerate gambler who molested Jonah and forced him to wear dresses in an attempt to shame him into “being a man.” When the mob threatened to come after Jonah because of his debts, he sold Jonah to his uncle, a drug dealer named Matthew (Eric Roberts).

In the mid-80s, grown-up Jonah has some issues. That’s not surprising. He’s haunted by his past and has hallucinations in which the devil is raping him from behind. (Yikes!) He also has visions of selling his soul to a mysterious woman (Mindy Robinson) who throws money at him. In what might be the real world, Jonah is hired by El Jefe (Robert LaSardo), who explains that he loves horror films but that the whole trope of the final girl upsets him. He gives Jonah a million dollars to film an actual snuff film. He tells Jonah that he wants high production values. He wants to watch Jonah become a monster. Jonah takes the money and films himself murdering two women who picked up at a bar and one woman who unfortunately entered the room at the wrong time.

While El Jefe waits for Jonah to bring him the tape, Jonah finds himself having even more violent hallucinations. He sees demons. He sees the devil. After he crashes his car in the desert, he has a vision of a woman (Tara Reid) who claims to be his mother and who encourages Jonah to commit suicide. While the police investigate Jonah’s crimes, Jonah is haunted by the ghosts of his victims and his already tenuous grip on reality continues to loosen. Soon, Jonah is drinking bleach and trying to purify himself with fire….

Bleach is a mess of a film, one that is occasionally surreal but which is more often just boring. The film’s tone is all over the place and certain scenes are so drawn out that they go from being disturbing to being dull. The moments of dark comedy fail to land but the glimpses inside Jonah’s mind are appropriately twisted and bizarre. By the end of the movie, Jonah’s scarred and blistered body is an undeniably shocking sight. Physically, he’s come to reflect the monster that he truly is. But, in the end, the film is too unevenly paced to be really effective and it ends with a shoot-out that is so clumsily choreographed that it’ll probably lead to more laughs than pathos.

Eric Roberts is memorably sleazy as the faux friendly Matthew. One gets the feeling that both and Lorenzo Lamas were only on set for a day or two but both of them make the most of their screen time. Both of them offer a glimpse into how to make a monster.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

October Positivity: Prayer Never Fails (dir by Wes Miller)

Posted on October 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 2016 film, Prayer Never Fails, tells the story of Aiden Paul (Nick Lashaway). Having survived a traumatic childhood that was full of abuse, Aiden is now the beloved basketball coach at the local high school. (The fact that he never shaves or gets his hair out of his face does not seem to be a problem as far as this school district is concenred.) When one of his players approaches Aiden and tell him that he’s being abused by his father (Lorenzo Lamas), Aiden suggests that the player pray on it. When the player says that he doesn’t know how to pray (because his father is not just abusive but also a hardcore atheist, of course), Aiden takes him into a classroom and teaches him how.

Unfortunately, another teacher sees Aiden and the player praying and reports Aiden to the principal. Aiden is fired from his position. Though Aiden says that he’s just going to give up and find another job, his players demand that Aiden fight to be reinstated. Aiden decides to take the school to court!

Unfortunately, there aren’t any lawyers that Aiden can afford. (And most lawyers would hopefully be ethical enough tell Aiden that, regardless of his good intentions, he doesn’t have a case.) Finally, a chance meeting at a diner leads to Aiden hiring Michael Brown (Clifton Davis), an agnostic lawyer with a gambling problem. Michael takes the case but he soon finds himself going up against master litigator Joseph T. Harrington (Corbin Bernsen). Can Michael somehow win the case?

This is another one of those Christian courtroom films where no one does anything that makes sense. For instance, it seems like, instead of ducking into an open classroom for a quick prayer, Aiden could have reported that one of his students was being abused by a parent, which is something that, as a teacher, he would have been required to do in the first place. (Instead, that subplot is abandoned after Aiden is fired.) As well, to win the case, all Joseph T. Herrington had to do was 1) point out that Aiden had admitted to leading a prayer in school and 2) call to the stand a Constitutional law expert to explain the establishment clause. Instead, Herrington puts the entire concept of prayer on trial and tries to argue that praying doesn’t work. It’s an argument based purely on emotion and bias, which allows Michael to make a counter-argument that’s based purely on emotion and bias. At one point, Michael interrogates the school’s principal as to why he was willing to defend a transgender teacher but not Aiden’s right to pray. The correct answer, of course, is that whether or not another teacher is transgender has nothing to do with Aiden’s case and that the Supreme Court has ruled that prayer is not allowed in public schools. That’s really all anyone needed to say to any of Michael’s arguments but no one does because, if they did, it would be a very short film.

(Along with the dubious legal arguments, this film annoyed me because Aiden didn’t ever bother to shave or comb his hair before the trail began. I mean, seriously, did someone tell him that it was a good strategy to go to court looking like you spend the previous week sleeping in the back of a pickup truck? I would not want him coaching my school’s basketball team.)

On the plus side, Eric Roberts is in this movie. He plays the judge and goes through the film with a bemused smile on his face, as if even he can’t believe the legal arguments that he’s hearing. It’s always nice to see Eric Roberts picking up a paycheck.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

October Positivity: God’s Club (dir by Jared Cohn)

Posted on October 30, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In the 2015 film, God’s Club, Stephen Baldwin stars as Michael Evens.

Michael is a teacher at the local high school. His wife is also a teacher and it is quickly established that she is quite a bit more religious than her husband. In fact, she’s the sponsor of the after-school Christian club. This club is very controversial because God’s Club is one of those films that takes place in a community where everyone is not only an atheist but also a total jerk about it. It’s like everyone learned how to be an atheist by watching Richard Dawkins YouTube videos. At a school board meeting, parents shout about separation of church and state and warn that they are not going to sit by while their children are brainwashed. Principal Max Graves (Corbin Bernsen, giving the film’s best performance as the sole voice of reason at the high school) explains that no one is being forced to attend the club. Michael, for his part, remains quiet. Later, as they’re driving home, Michael and his wife are in a serious accident. Michael survives. His wife asks him to pray with her and then promptly dies.

Weeks later, a guilt-stricken Michael returns to school. It turns out that most of the students are just as jerky as their parents. When Michael opens his class with a moment of silence for his dead wife, one of his students reports him for praying in class. This leads to the parents demanding that Michael be fired. Spencer Rivers (played by Lorenzo Lamas) is especially adamant that Michael should not be allowed to teach and he even goes so far as to insult the memory of Michael’s dead wife. Making things even more tense is Michael’s decision to restart God’s Club himself. Needless to say, this leads to even more controversy but it also gives Michael a chance to make peace with both himself and his guilt over his wife’s death.

Christian teachers being persecuted by atheist parents and mindless government enforcers is a recurring theme when it comes to faith-based films. Perhaps the best-known example of this is God’s Not Dead 2, in which Ray Wise literally cackles with delight as he thinks about ruining Melissa Joan Hart’s life. (“We are going to prove that God is dead,” Wise explains to his legal team, none of whom point out that it would be smarter to just settle the case and move on.) The debate over whether or not religion should be allowed in schools is a legitimate one but films like God’s Club (and God’s Not Dead 2) tend to approach the subject in such a melodramatic that it’s difficult to really pay much attention to their arguments. It’s not enough that the parents in God’s Club are perhaps being a little bit paranoid in their belief that their children are going to be preached to. Instead, the parents are portrayed as being so evil that they can’t even show the least bit of kindness to a man who has just lost his wife in a sudden tragedy. One thing that all of these films have in common is that they take place in world in which there are no polite atheists.

Stephen Baldwin, who is usually the only lively thing about the films in which appears, gives a rather stilted performance as Michael. According to the film’s IMDb page, Baldwin was dealing with some health issues while filming God’s Club and perhaps that’s why he seems to be so disinterested in the film. Baldwin seems to be just as depressed when his wife is alive as he is after the car accident. At the end of the film, everyone seems to be excited about God’s Club except for him. It’s hard not to think that maybe Michael would be better off just retiring and maybe moving to Florida. By the end of the film, he’s earned some time on the beach.

Cinemax Friday: Killing Streets (1991, directed by Stephen Cornwell)

Posted on February 21, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

Most of the time, late night Cinemax was dominated by noirish films starring Shannon Tweed but, occasionally, the network did slip in a low-budget action flick. Killing Streets is a typical example of one of those films.

A Marine named Craig Brandt (Michael Pare) has disappeared in Beirut so his twin brother Chris (also played by Michael Pare) flies all the way over from Dayton, Ohio to search for him. Even though everyone says that Craig’s dead, Chris knows that it isn’t true because, as a twin, he and Craig have a psychic connection. It turns out, of course, that Chris is right. Craig is being held prisoner by terrorist leader Abdel (Alon Aboutboul). Chris is determined to rescue Craig, even though Charles (Lorenzo Lamas), an official at the American embassy, orders him to leave the country. Chris may just be a high school basketball coach but that doesn’t stop him from going all Jack Bauer on every terrorist that he meets. With the help of diplomat Sandra Ross (Jennifer Runyon) and Gilad (Gabi Amrani), the Middle East’s most helpful taxi driver, Chris sets out to rescue his brother.

When I started watching Killing Streets, I was excited because, according to the opening credits, it starred Lorenzo Lamas and it was produced by Menahem Golan. Unfortunately, for the most of the movie, Lamas doesn’t get to do much other than bark out orders in one of the least convincing Southern accents that I’ve ever heard. Instead, the first part of the movie is all about Michael Pare. Michael Pare usually isn’t capable of showing enough emotion to be convincing as one character. Now, imagine him playing two characters. While one Michael Pare is walking around Beirut and searching for clues, the other Michael Pare is sitting in a cell and getting beaten and, since they both always have the same blank expression on their face, the only way you can tell which Michael Pare is which is by paying attention to who has more blood on them. The whole time, you just want Lorenzo Lamas to show up and start showing off his Renegade skills but instead, he’s stuck telling one of the Michael Pares that he better get on the next plane back home.

Luckily, towards the end of the movie, the two Michael Pares team up with Lorenzo Lamas and they spend about ten minutes shooting guns and blowing stuff up and doing all of the other things that we want to see happen in a film like this. It just takes a while to get there and while Menahem Golan may have produced this film, he didn’t direct it so, even though the ending is exciting, most people will probably lose interest before they get there. As far as action films about rescuing hostages in the Middle East are concerned, this is no Delta Force.

Cinemax Friday: Final Impact (1991, directed by Joseph Mehri)

Posted on February 14, 2020 by Jedadiah Leland

The girl on the back cover of the VHS box is only in the film for 5 seconds.

Danny Davis (Michael Worth) is the light heavyweight kickboxing champion of Ohio but he wants to be the national champion so he approaches Nick Taylor (Lorenzo Lamas) for training. Nick used to be the national champion but he is still haunted by his brutal defeat at the hands and feet of Jack Gerard (Jeff Langton). Nick is now an alcoholic who makes his money on the oil wrestling circuit. (The girls wrestle in oil while Nick kickboxes in a ring. Guess what most of the people in the bar end up watching?) When Danny and Nick first meet, the arrogant Nick refuses to have anything to do with him. But when Nick sees Danny win his match and shout out, “I am invincible!,” Nick decides to take him under his wing. The kid’s good but he needs to learn some lessons about making potentially ironic declarations in the ring.

Nick trains Danny and shows him that all of his talent won’t mean anything if he allows himself to become predictable. Soon, Nick and Danny are making the national circuit and fighting in Las Vegas. But as Danny becomes successful, Nick starts to grow jealous. He starts to feel as if his girlfriend, Maggie (the incredible Kathleen Kinmont), prefers Danny to him and he becomes so insecure that he can’t even perform long enough to cheat with a local prostitute that he picks up in a bar. Making matters worse is that, for Danny to become the champ, he’s going to have to defeat Jake Gerard, the man who ended Nick’s professional career.

Occasionally, late night Cinemax took a break from showing nudity-filled neo-noirs to show films like this one, a low-budget rip-off of Rocky, The Karate Kid, and Kickboxer. Of all the films that came out of this very 90s genre, Final Impact is one of the better examples. The fight scenes are exciting but the real appeal of this film is that it stars Lorenzo Lamas and Kathleen Kinmont, back when they were still a couple. Kinmont was one of the best of the 90s video vixens, beautiful and not a bad actress either. Meanwhile, Lorenzo Lamas was the male Shannon Tweed. Lamas may not have been a great actor but his total lack of shame and his ability to deliver deadpan dialogue like, “No one is invincible,” without cracking a smile made him more entertaining than many of his fellow direct-to-video stars. Lamas lurches drunkenly through Final Impact, taking both himself and the movie far too seriously and playing Nick’s emotional breakdown like an actor begging the Academy to just take a look. It’s fun to watch.

Final Impact ends as these films always do, with a champion being crowned. As far as I’m concerned, everyone in the film is champion, a champion of 90s Cinemax.

A Movie A Day #236: Bad Blood (1994, directed by Tibor Takacs)

Posted on September 1, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Though it is sometimes hard to remember, there more on late night Cinemax than just Shannon Tweed films like Scorned and Body Chemistry 3. There were also Lorenzo Lamas action films, movies like the Snake Eater trilogy. Though Lamas was a terrible actor, his direct-to-video efforts were always a hundred times more violent than everyone else’s and, for male viewers of a certain age, it did not hurt that his then-wife, Kathleen Kinmont, often showed up in various states of undress.

Kathleen Kinmont did not appear in Bad Blood but the movie made up for her absence by being so violent that it was originally given an NC-17 rating. As a result, there are actually two versions of this movie floating around: the slightly cut R-rated Bad Blood and an unrated version called Viper. (Interestingly, the violence in both Bad Blood and Viper is really no more graphic than the violence that was featured in a lot of mainstream films released in the mid-90s.)

In this one, Lorenzo Lamas is Travis Blackstone, a former cop who was kicked off the force after he destroyed evidence to protect his smarmy brother, Franklin (Hank Cheyne). Travis was sent to prison but now that he is out, he is working in a shipping yard and coaching little league baseball. (I do not know many parents that would be happy with an ex-con as their child’s little league coach but that is the power of Lorenzo Lamas.) Unfortunately, Franklin has gotten in trouble again, embezzling millions from the mafia. Not only does Travis have to find the money to repay the mob but he also has to keep Franklin safe. Unfortunately, since Franklin is now involved with Travis’s ex, Rhonda (Frankie Thorn), Travis’s new girlfriend (Kimberly Kates) assumes that he is cheating on her and tells the mob where they can track down the Blackstone brothers.

The main bad guy, Chang, is played by Joe Son. (The unrated version begins with Chang giving a little girl a lollipop and then shooting her dead.) Joe Son was a UFC fighter who was later revealed to be just as bad a guy in real life as he was in the movies. After being convicted on rape in 2011, Son was sentenced to seven years to life. As soon as he arrived in prison, he beat his cellmate to death and received an additional sentence of 27 years for voluntary manslaughter.

As for Bad Blood, by the standards of the typical Lorenzo Lamas action movie, it’s not bad. The action is constant and fierce, with Travis gunning down a seemingly endless number of gangsters in designer suits. Tibor Takacs was a better filmmaker than most of the directors that Lamas worked with and it appears that he managed to keep Lorenzo Lamas’s ego under control, the result being far less shots of Lamas posing than in any of the other movies that Lamas made during this period. The production values of Bad Blood are also consistently better than what was on display in the Snake Eater films. There is even a scene where Lamas not only flips over a speeding car but he shoots the driver while he is doing it. Let’s see Steven Seagal or even Dolph Lundgren do that!

Back to School Part II #10: Grease (dir by Randal Kleiser)

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

When it comes to reviewing Grease on this site, the film and I have a long and twisted history. There have been several times when I was tempted to review Grease but one thing has always stopped me:

I absolutely hate this film.

Grease is one of my least favorite films and, to be honest, just thinking about it causes me pain. Just about everyone that I know loves Grease. They love the songs. They love the music. They love the performances. They want to see it on stage. They want to see it on the big screen. They watch every time it pops up on AMC.

Growing up as a theater nerd means being surrounded by people who love Grease. I cannot begin to count the number of times that I forced to watch this movie in school. So many theater teachers seemed to feel that showing Grease in class was some sort of reward but, for me, it was pure torture. And the fact that I was usually the only one who disliked the film made the experience all the more unbearable.

Back in 2014, when I was doing the first set of Back To School reviews, I was planning on reviewing Grease. But I just could not bring myself to voluntarily relive the film. Instead of putting myself through that misery, I decided to watch and review Rock ‘n’ Roll High School instead. It was the right decision and I stand by it.

Jump forward two years and here I am doing Back to School again. And again, for some reason, I had put Grease down as a film to review. It’s just a movie, right? And yet, after I finished writing my excellent review of Animal House, I again found myself dreading the idea of having to even think about Grease.

So, I said, “Fuck this,” and I promptly erased Grease from the list and I replaced it with Skatetown USA. Then I watched Skatetown and I’m glad that I did because that was an experience that I can’t wait to write about! And yet, I still had this nagging voice in the back of my mind.

“You’re going to have to review Grease at some point,” it said, “If not now, when?”

The voice had a point. However, I was soon reminded that there was an even more important reason to review Grease. A little further down on my list of Back to School films to review was a little film called Grease 2. How could I possibly review Grease 2 if I hadn’t already reviewed Grease? My OCD would not allow it!

And so, here I am, reviewing Grease.

Grease, of course, is a musical about teenagers in 1958. Danny (John Travolta) is in love with Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) and Sandy is in love with Danny. But Danny’s a greaser and Sandy’s Australian! Will they be able to work it out, despite coming from different worlds? Of course they will! Danny’s willing to dress up like a jock in order to impress Sandy while Sandy’s willing to wear black leather to impress Danny! Yay! They go together! And they’ve got a flying car, too! YAY!

And then Satan arrived…

Of course, there’s other subplots as well. For instance, Frenchy (Didi Conn) nearly drops out of school but she’s visited by Satan (Frankie Avalon) and he manages to change her mind. And Rizzo (Stockard Channing) might be pregnant because Kenickie (Jeff Conaway) hasn’t bought any new condoms since the 8th grade. Comparing the sensitive way that teen pregnancy was handled on a show like Degrassi: The Next Generation with the way it’s handled in Grease is enough to make you want to sing “O Canada” every day for the rest of your life.

Here’s what I do like about Grease: Stockard Channing is great as Rizzo, though it’s hard not to feel that she deserves better than a doofus boyfriend like Kenickie and a boring bestie like Sandy. I also like You’re The One That I Want. That’s a fun song.

But as for the rest of the movie … BLEH! I mean, it is so BORING! It takes them forever to get to You’re The One That I Want. Olivia Newton-John is so wholesome that she literally makes you want to tear your hair out while John Travolta pretty much acts on auto pilot. As for the supporting cast, most of them appeared in the stage production of Grease and they still seem to be giving stage performances as opposed to film performances. They’re still projecting their lines to the back of the house. Worst of all, it’s obvious that director Randal Kleiser had no idea how to film a musical because the dance numbers are so ineptly staged and framed that, half the time, you can’t even see what anyone’s doing with their feet. If you can’t see the feet, it defeats the whole purpose of having an elaborate dance number in the first place!

So, no, I don’t like Grease.

Sorry, everyone.

However, I’m sure I’ll enjoy Grease 2….