Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

Posted on November 26, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing 1st and Ten, which aired in syndication from 1984 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on Tubi.

Yay! Training camp is over!

Episode 2.6 “The Unkindest Cut”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 29th, 1986)

When arrogant quarterback Johnny Valentine refuses to enter drug rehab, Diana reacts by having him traded to Buffalo. Johnny may be a superstar but he won’t be playing for the Bulls. That means that Yinessa, the player who nearly kicked off the team twice, is now the starting quarterback. Yinessa also makes up with his girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) so I guess he’s having a good week.

Bubba has to lose five pounds to retain his starting position. When he goes in to be weighed, it appears that he’s only lost four pounds. Bubba quickly takes off his gold watch and he makes weight! Good for Bubba, I guess.

Finally, Rick Lampert (Marcus Allen) shows up at training camp is given a number 32 jersey by T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson). Lampert’s like, This is your number. Parker replies that the number now belongs to Lampert. Awwww! In the role of T.D. Parker, O.J. Simpson has a way of slashing his way to the heart of the matter,

Training camp finally ended with this episode and I’m glad about that because those training camp episodes were getting really dull. I have to be honest, though. We’re halfway through the second season and I still don’t feel like I know any of these characters. Donald Gibb occasionally makes me laugh as Dr. Death. And, as T.D. Parker, OJ Simpson seems like a really nice guy. Otherwise, though, this show feels oddly hollow. Of course, that may be because I’m watching the syndicated version, which apparently edited out a lot of nudity and bad behavior on the part of the players.

Oh well. Let’s see how the team does! This episode ends with Diana saying she wants to win a championship. Does Yinessa have it in him to lead the team with victory? With OJ Simpson as his coach, he better!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”

Posted on November 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, a player’s reputation is on the line. Can he clear his name, even though all the evidence is stacked up against him?

Episode 2.4 “Quarterbacks Tell No Tales”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 15th, 1986)

T.D. Parker (played by O.J. Simpson) is pissed off! The normally affable former player is angry that someone is dealing cocaine to the Bulls. The press and the commissioner both assume that the dealer is rookie quartebrack Tim Yinessa. (That guy that Yinessa caught searching his room last week? He was a reporter.) T.D. isn’t so sure. He thinks that start quarterback Johnny Valentine (Sam Jones) is responsible for the team’s cocaine problem. T.D. eventually confronts Johnny and tells him to stop with the drugs.

“25% of this league retires injured,” Johnny says, “You’re proof of that.”

T.D. gets so angry that he proceeds to ~~stab Johnny to death~~ punch Johnny in the chest. “Welcome to the 25%,” he says.

No, T.D. Johnny said “retired” players. Johnny’s not retiring yet. Anyway, Johnny was so coked up that he probably didn’t even feel the punch.

As for Yinessa, he nearly gets kicked off the team when the real dealer plants some cocaine in his locker. Luckily, his roommate — Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake) — steps forward and confesses that he was the owner of the cocaine that the reporter found in the room. Diana orders Jamie to go to rehab. “Sure, I guess,” Jamie replies.

While that’s going on, Dr. Death and Mad Dog Smears continued to harass the rookies by ordering one of them to fake a suicide attempt as a part of a practical joke. At the bar where they hang out, they also sang a song against urine testing. I’m not really sure why anyone would want to hang out at the bar, as it seems like the whole place only exists so that Dr. Death and Mad Dog can put on painfully unfunny stage shows. Dr. Death and Mad Dog also told Yinessa that they would kill him if he agreed to random urine testing in order to prove his innocence. Personally, I think Dr. Death and Mad Dog should focus on their jobs. Maybe if they did a better job protecting the other players, T.D. wouldn’t have had to retire. I mean, you can tell it’s really cutting T.D. apart that he can’t play anymore.

So, Jamie is off to rehap, Yinessa is still on the team, and T.D. didn’t have to kill anyone. All in all, it was a productive week. To be honest, it’s difficult to judge this show based on traditional standards of good and bad. Technically, every episode is bad. This week, however, was slightly less bad than usual.

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.3 “A Second Chance”

Posted on October 29, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Things are getting crazy at training camp!

Episode 2.3 “A Second Chance”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 8th, 1986)

This week’s episode featured the unforgettable sight of O.J. Simpson tackling a knife-wielding Don Swayze and saving the life of Delta Burke.

Swayze was playing Clay Daniels, a tight end who was drafted by Coach Denardo, even though he apparently pulled a knife on a professor in college. After Clay threatened Johnny Valentine after he felt Valentine wasn’t throwing him the ball enough, Denardo explained that he drafted Clay because Clay can play football. Okay, Ernie, I guess that justifies having a knife-wielding maniac in the locker room….

After Denardo finally cut Clay from the team, Clay showed up at Diana’s house with a knife. Fortunately, Diana was able to call Denardo and T.D. Parker for help. Denardo showed up and promised he would give Clay a second chance. And then T.D. tackled Clay and grabbed that knife like a pro!

Meanwhile, Yinessa returned to training camp but he was not happy that his friend and roommate, wide receiver Jamie Waldren (Jeff Kaake), had a drug problem. This episode ended with Yinessa getting into a fight with someone who broke into their room in search of Waldren’s cocaine. An angry Yinessa flushed all of Waldren’s cocaine. Considering that this episode also featured Diana being named Chairperson of the League’s Anti-Drug Committee, I’m sure this won’t lead to any sort of awkwardness with the team.

Much like last week’s episode, this episode was so melodramatic and over-the-top that I couldn’t help but enjoy it. Drugs, training camp, and knives! Will the Bulls make it to the Championship Game a second year in a row? It’s not looking good but, considering that they have O.J. Simpson’s razor-sharp instincts at their disposal, I wouldn’t count them out yet!

Late Night Retro Television Review: 1st & Ten 2.2 “The Veterans”

Posted on October 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the Bulls face a dilemma. What to do with O.J. Simpson?

Episode 2.2 “The Veterans”

(Dir by Bruce Seth Green, originally aired on September 1st, 1986)

This week, veteran running back T.D. Parker (O.J. Simpson) shows up for training camp. All of the players are excited to see him. At the bar where all of the Bulls hang out, Dr. Death (Donald Gibb) announces that T.D. Parker has had over one hundred injuries over the past twelve years but he’s still the heart and the soul of the Bulls franchise. He’s the face of the team! When people think of the Los Angeles Bulls, they think of T.D. Parker slashing through the other team on his way to an ~~acquittal~~ touchdown.

Speaking as a viewer, it seems kind of strange that this is the first that I’m really hearing about the legendary T.D. Parker. Where was he last season? The Bulls went all the way to the Championship Game but I never once heard anyone mention T.D. Parker. I certainly didn’t see him in the locker room. The Bulls actually had a totally different running back named Carl Witherspoon. Oddly, Carl seems to have vanished this season….

As for T.D., his injuries are catching up with him. Denardo and Diana are forced to confront that fact that T.D. can no longer cut it. Even in practice, he’s spilling a lot of blood on the field. Denardo cuts T.D. from the team. When T.D. says that football is all that he knows, Denardo announces that T.D. may not be playing but he’ll still be on the field …. AS A COACH! T.D. looks confused. He’ll figure it out eventually, I guess.

Meanwhile, Jeff East briefly returns as quarterback Bryce Smith but just long enough to fall out of a window at training camp and bust his knee. (He was trying to keep the new kicker — a Bosnian played by future voice of the Crypt Keeper John Kassir — from sneaking out to go into town to get drunk.) Bryce is done for the season. Veteran quarterback and all-around druggie sleaze Johnny Valentine (Sam J. Jones) becomes the new starter and Tom Yinessa is brought back to be his backup. That’ll make Yinessa’s roommate (Jeff Kaake) and Yinessa’s potential girlfriend (Katherine Kelly Lang) happy.

Finally, the NFL owners don’t want to give their players a pension or a raise. They do, however, want to give them mandatory drug tests. Diana protests but she’s overruled by the other owners, all of whom are male and in their 60s. There’s a lot of toupees and cigars at the ownership meeting.

This episode was actually kind of entertaining. That’s doesn’t mean it was good. 1st & Ten isn’t a really a show that’s ever good. But this episode did feature Sam J. Jones giving a totally over the top performance as creepy quarterback Johnny Valentine. Speaking of going over the top, the same can be said of Delta Burke’s performance this season. It would appear that between seasons one and two, Burke realized there was no need to try to be in any way subtle in her line readings. That was probably the right decision.

Next week …. who knows? I’m getting a little bored with training camp so hopefully, we’ll move on!

Horror on TV: Tales From The Crypt 6.15 “You, Murderer” (dir by Robert Zemeckis)

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

To be honest, tonight’s episode of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt isn’t really a traditional horror story. Instead, it’s a somewhat satiric homage to film noir. But I’m going to share it anyway. Halloween is about more than just ghouls and ghosts and goblins, right?

You, Murderer is an experiment that doesn’t quite work but is interesting all the same. This episode is basically one long POV shot. Whenever our protagonist sees his reflection, we see Humphrey Bogart staring back at us. Actual footage of Bogart was used in the show. Sometimes it work, sometimes it just looks strange. But it’s always interesting!

This episode originally aired on January 25th, 1995. Enjoy!

https://youtu.be/4b45ytx3Ft4

Horror On TV: Tales From The Crypt 5.7 “House of Horror” (dir by Bob Gale)

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Tonight’s excursion into televised horror is the 7th episode of the 5th season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt!

House of Horrors has everything that you could possibly want from a Tales From The Crypt episode! A dumbass idiot frat boy (played by Kevin Dillon) forces three pledges to enter a supposedly haunted house. Mayhem ensues. This episode is full of atmosphere, dark humor, plot twists, and unexpected turns and it features two wonderfully over-the-top performances, one from Dillon and one from Meredith Salenger as a Southern-accented sorority president who may have a secret of her own.

This episode originally aired on October 27th, 1993 and is currently celebrating its 30th birthday.

Enjoy!

Horror on TV: Tales From The Crypt 3.7 “The Reluctant Vampire” (dir by Stephen Hopkins)

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Reluctant Vampire was the 7th episode of the 3rd season of HBO’s Tales From The Crypt! It stars Malcolm McDowell as a vampire who is a little bit too nice for his own good. Seriously, you can’t go wrong with Malcolm McDowell as a vampire.

The Reluctant Vampire originally aired on July 10th, 1991.

Enjoy!

Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (dir. by Ernest Dickerson)

Posted on October 31, 2020 by Leonard Wilson

Demon Knight Poster I remember going to the movies for Demon Knight. I loved Tales from the Crypt on HBO, and the idea of a movie was cool at the time. My sister and my best friend joined me for the showing. It was treat to watch. I left the cinema thinking of different tales that could come up using some of the elements in this story.

For those unfamiliar with Tales From the Crypt, the show aired on HBO during the late 1980s, and part of the 1990s. Based off of the old horror tales from EC Comics, each episode was a horror story. Unlike Tales From the Darkside, Monsters and Darkroom, Tales from the Crypt had the bonus of being on cable. This meant they were able to get away with more gore and nudity than their prime time counterparts. Perhaps that’s the only real disadvantage with the film. At least with Tales From the Darkside: The Movie, the story could push into darker elements with their restrictions lifted.

As with every episode of the show, Demon Knight is sandwiched between a scene with the Crypt Keeper (John Kassir) greeting the audience with some corny jokes and introducing the story. Frank Brayker (William Sadler – The Mist, Bill & Ted Face the Music) is on the run from The Collector (Billy Zane – Titanic). With his options dwindling and the strange seven-star pattern tattoo on his hand slowly forming a circle, Brayker makes his last stand at a motel with a group of individuals. In his possession is a key shaped vial that has the power to create wards. These wards hold back the army of demons that wish to reclaim the key and bring darkness across the land. Can Brayker make it through the night, while protecting the key and everyone around him? That’s pretty much the plot.

The Crypt Keeper is ready for his close up in Demon Knight.

Having previously worked as a Cinematographer for Spike Lee, Ernest Dickerson made the jump to directing with 1992’s Juice. Demon Knight was his follow up and for the most part, it’s good. The creature design is interesting, reminiscent of Top Cow’s comic book, The Darkness. The demons are thin and indeed strange to behold, but they mostly take a back seat to Billy Zane’s Collector, who tries to seduce everyone into turning against the rest of the group. Zane brings a lot of humor to the movie with his villain, as does Thomas Hayden Church (Sideways) playing that one guy you’d really like to slug in the mouth. CCH Pounder (Avatar), Jada Pinkett (Collateral), Brenda Bakke (L.A. Confidential), the legendary Dick Miller (Gremlins and just about everything Joe Dante did), and Charles Fleisher (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) and Gary Farmer (Forever Knight) round it all out. It’s Sadler’s film to carry, however, and he does a great job here playing the hero.

From a sound/musical standpoint, Demon Knight boasts a interesting soundtrack, which I picked up around the time I first saw the film. Filter’s “Hey Man, Nice Shot” seemed like the only song featured in the film, but Ministry’s “Tonight We Murder”, Henry Rollins “Fall Guy” and Pantera’s “Cemetary Gates” are the standouts. The pacing of the film is pretty even, despite being a one shot. There’s not enough of a slowdown to feel bored. Demon Knight is just one regular Tales from the Crypt tale in a longer format. I would have preferred shorter pieces in this larger timespan, but that’s more a nitpick than anything.

Overall, Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight is a fun film to visit around Halloween. Just make sure your doors and windows are locked (and sealed, if possible), when watching.

Horror on TV: Tales From the Crypt 1.2 “All Through The House” (dir by Robert Zemeckis)

Posted on October 5, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s excursion into the world of televised horror, we have the 2nd ever episode of the HBO anthology series, Tales From The Crypt!

In this one, a woman (Mary Ellen Trainor) kills her husband on Christmas Eve, just to discover that she can’t properly dispose of the body because a psychotic escaped mental patient (Larry Drake), who just happens to be disguised as Santa Claus, is hanging around outside of her house. It’s a bit of a mess, especially since the woman’s daughter is eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa herself.

This originally aired on June 10th, 1989 and it’s an enjoyably insane package of holiday cheer and menace. And, of course, it was directed by none other than Robert Zemeckis!

Enjoy!

Horror on TV: Tales From the Crypt 7.10 “About Face” (dir by Thomas E. Sanders)

Posted on October 27, 2016 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For tonight’s excursion, we have one final episodes from HBO’s Tales From The Crypt.

About Face is the 10th episode from the 7th and final season. It deals with a Victorian-era minister who discovers that he has not one but two daughters. And one of the daughters might be a little disturbed…

For the most part, the 7th season of Tales From the Crypt has a fairly bad reputation but About Face is better than the average 7th season episode. Anthony Andrews does a good job as the hypocritical Anglican.

This episode first aired on June 28th, 1996.

Enjoy!