The original The House on Haunted Hill is a classic and one that we make it a point to share every Halloween. And since October is now halfway over, now seems like the perfect time to do so!
Be sure to check out Gary’s review by clicking here!
Enjoy Vincent Price at his best!
Artist Unknown
This is from 1946. I hope that’s window she’s looking out of and not a mirror.
In this video, the Bauhaus perform their song Spirit for actual spirits. Spirit was the seventh single to released by Bauhaus. It peaked at Number 42 on the UK Singles Chart.
Director Christopher Collins is directed with overseeing three other videos, all for Bauhaus: Bela Lugosi’s Dead, Mask, and In The Flat Field.
Enjoy!
Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker depicts what happens with a greedy woman (Stephanie Zimbalist) attempts to force her Vietnam vet brother out of the house that has been his only sanctuary from all the troubles of the world. Needless to say, things do not go well.
This episode originally aired on September 16th, 1989.
The 1972 film, Garden of the Dead, takes place in a prison camp that sits out in the middle of what appears to the bayous. The prisoners spend their days working on the chain gang, breaking rocks and cleaning highways. The tough-as-nails guards spend their days watching the prisoners and carrying around their rifles. This is the type of prison camp where the prisoners are all talkative and boastful and the guards all wear sunglasses and every day is just like the next.
A group of prisoners are trying to brighten things up on the chain gang by using some experimental formaldehyde to get high. I’m sure that won’t lead to any complications! When the prisoners later try to escape from the prison camp, they’re quickly captured by the guards who proceed to violate all sorts of laws by gunning the prisoners down and then ordering the other prisoners to bury the dead bodies in the prison camp’s garden.
That night, the dead prisoners come back to life as zombies. Does this happen because they were getting high off of the formaldehyde or is it because the chemicals themselves were leaked into the garden? The film doesn’t make it particularly clear but it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that they’re now zombies. You really don’t need a whole lot of explanations when it comes to zombies. The dead prisoners are still obsessed with getting high and they start to kill everyone in the camp as a part of their effort to get their precious formaldehyde.
I’ll just admit right now that I absolutely love Garden of the Dead. Some of that is because Garden of the Dead is a very short movie, clocking in at barely an hour’s running time. It was a film that was obviously designed to be the second half of a double feature but no matter! That short running time means that there’s no need for extra padding and the action move quickly. The film ends before the viewer gets bored with the somewhat repetitive zombie action. Seriously, we need to normalize 50 minute films.
Another thing that I love about Garden of the Dead is that it is full of foggy bayou atmosphere. The film itself was obviously shot on a very low budget and on very cheap film but the grainy images actually contribute to the film’s nightmarish feeling. The film captures the feeling of being isolated in the middle of nowhere. One reason why the zombies in this film are frightening is because there’s literally nowhere safe to hide from them. Even if you can get out of the prison camp, you’ll still have to brave the wilderness that surrounds it.
Finally, I liked that the zombies in Garden of the Dead were smarter than the average zombies. Instead of just stumbling around and trying to eat every living thing that they met, these zombies worked together to get what they wanted. I especially liked the spazzy zombie who was always running around the prison camp and jumping and yelling at everyone. These are zombies who clearly enjoy being zombies and it makes Garden of the Dead all the more effective.
Garden of the Dead is a grindhouse gem!
Filmed, reportedly over the course of a few days, in 1974 but not released until 1977, The Meatcleaver Massacre is known for two things.
First off, it’s known for opening and ending with on-screen narration for Christopher Lee. The distinguished-looking Lee begins the film sitting in what appears to be his own personal office. He talks to us about the history of the supernatural and the paranormal and he suggests that the story that we’re about to see, may very well change someone like me from being a skeptic into a believer.
Secondly, Meat Cleaver Massacre is known for being one of the last films to be directed by the infamous Edward D. Wood, Jr. Now, it should be understood that Wood didn’t have anything to do with writing or producing the film. And when filming started, the director was a guy named Ken Burns who I assume is not the famed documentarian. Unfortunately, Burns was judged not to be up to the role of directing and he was fired. Edward D. Wood, Jr., who by this point was living in alcoholic squalor in Los Angeles and making his money through writing pornographic books, was brought in as his replacement. When the film was released, the director was credited as being “Evan Lee.” It wasn’t until 2022 that the film’s cinematographer (who was not paid for his work on the film) posted on Facebook that Ed Wood was the director. The cinematographer’s claim was backed up by the film’s editor.
Now, my immediate reaction to learning this was to think: “Oh my God, Ed Wood directed Christopher Lee!”
Well, sorry …. no. All the evidence points to Wood directing Meat Cleaver Massacre. It’s an Ed Wood film, even if it doesn’t feature Wood’s trademark obsession with angora. But the two scenes with Christopher Lee were apparently filmed for a different project, one that was abandoned. In 1977, the distributors of Meatcleaver Massacre purchased the footage of Christopher Lee and inserted it into their film, which was promptly sold as a Christopher Lee film. But the truth of the matter is that Lee’s footage was obviously meant for a far “classier” film than Meatcleaver Massacre and, judging from how dismissive Lee tended to be of the work that he did strictly for the money, it’s totally possible that he didn’t even know that he had become the star of Meatcleaver Massacre.
As for Ed Wood, he died a year after this film was released. At the time of his death, he had been evicted from his apartment and his landlord apparently threw away all of his scripts and movie memorabilia. Sorry, everyone. The first half of Ed Wood’s life story may be popular and funny but it definitely did not lead to a happy ending.
But what about Meat Cleaver Massacre, you may be asking. Well …. actually, it’s not terrible. It’s definitely a low-budget affair and none of the actors are particularly impressive but there are a few scenes that work when taken on their own terms.
James Habif stars as Professor Cantrell, who is first seen teaching a class on how to summon an Irish demon and then returning home to his family. Unfortunately, that night, one of this students, Mason (Larry Justin), orders his gang to break into Cantrell’s house. Mason says that he just wants to play a prank on the professor but instead, he and his idiot friends murder Cantrell’s family and leave Cantrell in a paralyzed state. That said, Cantrell may be paralyzed but he can still summon the demon Morak to hunt down and kill all of Mason’s friends, one-by-one. The deaths are grisly, with Mason’s home invasion bringing to mind the crimes of the Manson’s family and the demon’s acts of vengeance ranging from a disembowelment in the desert to an accident in a garage to an exploding movie projector.
As with most of Ed Wood’s film, the pacing is a bit off and the film is edited in such a way that it’s sometimes difficult to keep track of how much time has passed between scenes. The acting isn’t great, though it’s really not any worse than the acting you would expect to find in a low-budget 70s horror film. The scene in which one of Mason’s gang meets his fate in the desert is actually rather well-done and intentionally surreal. To be honest, there’s not much about the film that would make you think it was an Ed Wood production. As I said before, there’s no references to angora. There’s no Kelton the Cop. Criswell doesn’t make an appearance. By most accounts, Ed spent the final decade of his life broke and doing whatever he had to do to scrounge up enough cash to pay his rent and keep drinking. Doing whatever he had to do included directing films like Meatcleaver Massacre. I wonder how many other films were secretly directed with Ed Wood?
Anyway, if you’re a Christopher Lee or Ed Wood completist, Meatcleaver Massacre is currently available on Tubi.
Poor Naomi Watts.
I mean, let’s just be real here. Naomi Watts is an excellent actress. One could argue that she’s one of the best actresses working today. She’s someone who can be convincing in just about any genre. She can do drama. She can do comedy. She can do horror. She can star in small indie films and expensive blockbusters. She can play suburban housewives and sultry femme fatales with equal skill. She’s an actress who has played a wide variety roles and has shown a willingness to take risks in her career.
And yet, far too often, she gets cast in disappointing and misconceived films. Indeed, it sometimes seem like David Lynch is the only director to really understand just how good Naomi Watts can be, whether he’s working with her in Mulholland Drive, Inland Empire, or Twin Peaks: The Return. Watts provided Twin Peaks: The Return with a heart and the scene where she tells off the two crooks who are extorting money from her husband still carries a punch. She brought a lot of genuine and needed emotion to a miniseries that would have otherwise been cold and impersonal. Unfortunately, not every director has the insight or the skill of a David Lynch.
Just consider 2022’s Goodnight Mommy, a thoroughly unnecessary remake of a 2014 Austrian film. Watts is cast as the Mother, a former Hollywood actress who now lives on an isolated farm and who spends most of her time drinking and sulking in her room. Due to some recent plastic surgeon, the Mother’s face is completely and totally bandaged.
This concerns her twin sons, Elias (Cameron Crovetti) and Lukas (Nikolas Crovetti). They worry about how strange the Mother has been acting ever since they moved out to the farm with her. (While the Mother was getting plastic surgery, the twins were living with their father.) The Mother orders them to stay out of her room and hardly speaks to them. When Elias notices that his mother’s formerly blue eyes now appear to be green, he worries that his real mother may have been replaced with an imposter.
As I mentioned earlier, Goodnight Mommy is based on a 2014 Austrian film. The original film, if I remember correctly, was effective creepy, well-acted, and full of atmosphere. The remake feels more than a bit pointless and slow. The big twist that was so effective in the Austrian film falls flat in the American remake, largely because the kids playing the brothers in the remake are both directed to give boring and inauthentic performances. The remake of Goodnight Mommy mistakes a slow space for a creepy atmosphere.
That said, Naomi Watts gives a good performance as the Mother, one that will probably keep viewers guessing if they haven’t already seen the original film. In fact, Watts is so good that it just makes it all the more disappointing that the film itself feels so pointless. When it comes to Goodnight Mommy, go with the original and ask your local film producers to give Naomi Watts a role in a decent movie.
In 1978, KISS appeared to have it all. The band was famous for both their makeup and their anthemic stadium rock. They had just released not only a new studio album but also four solo albums. They had starred in their own Marvel comic and gained notoriety for supposedly allowing their blood to mixed in with the comic’s ink. Teenagers loved KISS and parents and religious leaders feared that the band’s name stood for Knights In Satan’s Service. KISS had everything except for motion picture stardom.
KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park was supposed to change that. The film starred Anthony Zerbe as Abner Devereaux, an engineer and an expert at animatronics who loses his job at Magic Mountain and seeks revenge by using robot versions of KISS to drive the audience of their concert to riot. Fortunately, the real members of KISS are not just rock stars but also alien beings who descend from the heavens and shoot lightning bolts from their eyes. (Gene Simmons can breathe fire.) The real KISS isn’t going to allow their fan to be manipulated by a robot version of the band, which leads to a battle between KISS and the robots that protect Abner’s underground lair.
KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park aired on NBC on October 28th, 1978. It was later given a theatrical release in Europe, where it was re-edited and retitled Attack of the Phantom. Since then, it has become a very difficult film to see. (On Amazon, old VHS copies go for several hundred dollars.) One reason why the movie is so hard to see is because the members of the KISS hated the movie and felt that they were portrayed as being clowns instead of super heroes. Even though the members of the band have since mellowed out about the film (with Gene Simmons suggesting it should be viewed on a double bill with Plan 9 From Outer Space), KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park is still a film that is more talked about than actually watched.
While looking for clips of the movie on YouTube, I came across an upload of the entire film. The only problem was that all of the dialogue was dubbed into German and that’s not a language that I speak. Still, figuring that you have to take your opportunities when they’re available, I decided to watch. I figured that the dialogue might not actually be that important and it wasn’t. I was able to follow the plot just fine. (The only weird thing about watching the move in German was listening to the members of the band speak in something other than a New York accent.) Fortunately, there’s actually more singing than talking in Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park and the songs are untouched and in English. KISS plays Magic Mountain in the film and they actually performed a real concert for filming. Those are real fans of the band going crazy whenever Gene Simmons sticks out his tongue.
The movie itself is definitely a product of its time and not meant to be taken seriously. The members of KISS are both aliens that descend from the heavens and rock musicians and they are never seen without their makeup. Even when they’re hanging out at a hotel pool, they are in full costume and they’re wearing their makeup. When the members of the band enter the Phantom’s underground lab, they have to fight a series of very 70s robots, including some that know karate and two who have lightsabers. For better or worse, it’s a very silly move that epitomizes an era. The special effects are cheesy, the members of the band often look straight at the camera, and the rest of the cast does what they can with what they’ve been given. Anthony Zerbe plays the Phantom with a hint of empathy while Deborah Ryan is the ingenue who searched for her missing boyfriend while Beth plays on the soundtrack. Keep an eye out for Brion James, playing a security guard.
Overall, the band probably would have been smarter to just release a concert film but then the rest of us wouldn’t have the fun of watching Paul Stanley face off against a robot version of Bruce Lee. KISS Meets The Phantom of The Park is worth watching at least once, even in German!
First released in 1965, the Italian horror film, Bloody Pit of Horror, tells the story of the Crimson Executioner.
Back in the 17th century, The Crimson Executioner was one of the most feared men in Italy. Well-known for his red mask, red tights, and his cape, The Crimson Executioner was one of the best executioners that the Vatican ever had but then it was discovered that he was taking his work home with him and executing people in his own private dungeon. As these murders were sanctioned by neither the Church nor the State, the Crimson Executioner was forced into his own Iron Maiden and executed.
Centuries later, the Crimson Executioner’s castle is owned by a retired actor named Travis Anderson (played by body builder Mickey Hargitay). Travis enjoys living in the castle, where he is waited on by two henchmen who wear blue striped shirts and who look like they should be playing revolutionaries in a Monty Python parody of a Jean-Luc Godard film. Travis especially likes that, despite the fact that the Crimson Executioner was executed for having the stuff, no one ever got around to cleaning out the torture dungeon. All of the torture devices are still down there but, unfortunately, Travis doesn’t really have anyone to use them on.
Then, one day, a group of people arrive at the castle. The group is made up of photographers, a writer, a publisher, and several attractive models. They’re looking for a location where they can take pictures that will be used to illustrate an upcoming horror book. At first, Travis tells them that he doesn’t want them taking picture at his castle and he doesn’t really want them hanging out either. But then, after seeing the models, Travis changes his mind. The group heads down to the torture dungeon so that they can start snapping pictures while Travis dresses up the like The Crimson Executioner and prepares to torture everyone to death, one-by-one. Yikes!
A lot of the torture devices that are seen in the dungeon do look frightening and I’ll admit that I snapped, “No, what are you thinking!?” when the only male model agrees to lay down under a bunch of very sharp spikes so that his picture could be taken. (Needless to say, that didn’t go well.) A lot of the torture devices involved the use of fire and again, that totally made me cringe. That said, it should also be pointed out that a few of the other devices weren’t that impressive. A scene of Travis spinning two models around while pushing several swords closer and closer to them was less than effective because the torture device itself just looked incredibly stupid.
Actually, speaking of looking incredibly stupid, Travis really does himself no favors by dressing up as The Crimson Avenger. With his red, rubber mask and his tights and his cape, he looks like a character who would be the comic relief villain in a Marvel movie, like the incompetent, wannabe crook who Spider-Man captures before the real villains show up. Mickey Hargitay was a body builder who was married to Jayne Mansfield and who is today perhaps best-remembered as being the father of Law & Order: SVU’s Mariska Hargitay. Mickey’s performance in this film is over the top without being entertaining. It’s impossible to take him seriously as an intimidating menace and it doesn’t help that the models at the castle are often just as likely to die from their own stupidity than from anything that Mickey did. (One model literally stumbles in front of him right before he fires a crossbow at someone else.)
This film does have a brief scene with a big, fake spider and giant, booby-trapped web. That scene is so ludicrous that, for a few minutes, Bloody Pit of Horror becomes just weird enough to be entertaining. Otherwise, this is a fairly forgettable horror film. The opening credits claim that the film is based on the writing of Marquis de Sade. If that’s true, I can only conclude that he should never have been rescued from the Bastille.
(Seriously, they tried to execute Thomas Paine but they let the Marquis de Sade go free? What was up with the French Revolution?)
By most standards, Boris Karloff (who has born William Henry Pratt) was a true Edwardian gentleman, a reserved but polite man who treated people with respect and who was a generous co-star to his fellow cast members. Early on in his acting career, he played a wide variety of character but, due to his performance as Frankenstein’s Monster and a host of other iconic characters, Boris Karloff would join Bela Lugosi as the first horror star of the sound era. As opposed to Lugosi, who struggled with his resentment over being typecast and soon found himself ostracized from mainstream Hollywood, Karloff remained a popular character actor and horror star for his entire life. Karloff’s dissatisfaction with the hours that he was expected to spend in makeup to play both Frankenstein’s Monster and the Mummy led to Karloff serving as one of the founding members of the SAG.
In this scene, from 1935’s The Bride of Frankenstein, Karloff’s monster briefly finds a friend. Unfortunately, as so often happened, that friendship is quickly ruined by the ignorance of others.
Through the Shattered Lens 