Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.10 “Glades”

Posted on November 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Crockett and Tubbs leave Miami!

Episode 1.10 “Glades”

(Dir by Stan Lathan, originally aired on November 30th, 1984)

Episode ten opens with the Animals’s “We’ve Got To Get Out Of This Place” playing on the soundtrack and the camera tracking down some of the less glamorous sections of Miami. This is a far different part of the city than the viewer is used to seeing on Miami Vice. The sleek art deco architecture has been replaced by vacant lots, run-down apartments, and torn-up streets. It serves as a reminder that, while some people in Miami are getting very rich, others are still trapped in the cycle of poverty.

Joey Bramlette (Keith Szarabajka) is staying in a cheap motel room, courtesy of the Vice Squad. Joey is due to testify in court against his former boss, a Colombian drug lord named Ruiz. Joey’s testimony is the key to the entire case but, when he receives a mysterious letter, he escapes the safehouse and flees back to his home in the Everglades. Though it was Zito and Switek who allowed him to escape, Crockett and Tubbs are the ones who head down to the Everglades to find him.

That’s right …. Crockett and Tubbs aren’t in Miami anymore!

As Crockett and Tubbs soon discover, the Everglades is full of rednecks, smugglers, and enforcers. Safely hidden away from civilization, it’s a place where there is no law. After a group of rednecks (led by John Pankow) trick Sonny and Tubbs into getting lost in the wilderness (“Moss grows on the north side of a tree!” Crockett announces as he tries to figure out how to return to civilization), the two cops are found by Joey and his wife, Cassie (Margaret Whitton). Joey reveals that he still wants to testify but that Ruiz’s men have kidnapped his daughter. Working together with Joey and his family, Crockett and Tubbs have to figure out how to storm Ruiz’s heavily guarded compound and rescue Joey’s daughter.

This episode was a bit of a change of pace but I enjoyed it. Some of that is because, when I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in the country and I’ve still got a lot of family out there, working on their farms and living in communities much like the one that Crockett and Tubbs visited in this episode. I may now be a city girl but I’ve still got my country side. I can still remember what it was like, walking around the tall grass while wearing short shorts and a tank top. Though I cringed a bit when it first appeared that this episode was going to portray rural Florida as being the equivalent of Deliverance, I was happy to see that it was ultimately a celebration of the resilience of country people.

There was an interesting subtext to this episode as everyone that Sonny and Tubbs met was a smuggler, either working for Ruiz or independently running marijuana into Florida. Later, one of the older smugglers mentioned that he used to run moonshine, therefore suggesting that there wasn’t much difference between the War on Drugs of the 1980s and the doomed effort at prohibition of the 1920s. Miami Vice is a cop show that often suggests that it’s sometimes best not to get too hung up on rigidly enforcing the law. That’s quite a contrast to most other cop shows that I’ve seen. Even modern cop shows tend to take the attitude that anyone who violates the law has to be punished in some way, whether by incarceration or death. Miami Vice may have been about law enforcement but its heart belonged to the libertarians.

Next week’s episode of Miami Vice guest stars Burt Young, Michael Madsen, Lenny Von Dohlen, and Terry O’Quinn!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.9 “The Great McCarthy”

Posted on November 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week is all about boats!

Episode 1.9 “The Great McCarthy”

(Dir by Georg Stanford Brown, originally aired on November 16th, 1984)

The people behind Miami Vice really liked speedboats.

That’s the best explanation that I come up with for The Great McCarthy, an episode in which the majority of the running time is taken up by scenes of people racing boats. Even after Crockett, Tubbs, and Zito (John Diehl, getting to do more than usual) figure out how Louis McCarthy (William Gray Espy) is using his boats to smuggle drugs into Miami, their main concern remains winning the race that they’ve entered.

And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. After a run a grim and dark episodes, The Great McCarthy was a nice change of pace, a reminder that it’s okay to have a little bit of fun. For the most part, this was a light and airy episode, featuring scenes of boats skimming across the ocean while Born To Be Wild plays on the soundtrack. This episode also featured a very 80s party scene and not one but two weaselly informants!

The first informant was Izzy Moreno (Martin Ferrero), a talkative thief who, it turned out, had done some work for Louis McCarthy. The second informant was Dale Gifford (Charles McCaughan), a crooked accountant who is helping to launder money for not just Louis but also Louis’s girlfriend, Vanessa (Maria McDonald). Izzy will apparently be returning in the future. Gifford will not as he ended up getting shot in the back of the head. Crockett and Tubbs originally assumed McCarthy was the killer but, as Izzy reveals towards the end of the episode, it was actually Vanessa.

By this time, of course, Vanessa has already moved on from McCarthy and is now sleeping with Tubbs. Crockett warns Tubbs that he’s getting in too deep with Vanessa but Tubbs replies that he’s got it all under control, almost as if he doesn’t remember that almost the exact same thing happened when they went down to the Bahamas to take out Calderone. When the police show up to arrest Vanessa, Tubbs insists on doing it himself. “I have to,” he tells her. He’s a cop, after all.

Okay, so that ending was a little bit downbeat but, for the most part, this was just a fun episode of Miami Vice, one that didn’t require too much thought and which kept the existential dread to a minimum. Probably the best scene in the episode didn’t even involve McCarthy or Vanessa but instead centered around Gina and Trudy arresting a philosophy professor who sold cocaine on the side. (The professor was played by Richard Liberty, who also appeared in George Romero’s The Crazies and Day of the Dead.) Gina and especially Trudy have been underused on this show so it was nice to finally see them getting to do their jobs and proving themselves to be just as effective as Tubbs and Crockett.

I do have to admit that I’m still kind of confused as to how Crockett is managing to maintain his cover as a criminal when almost every other petty criminal in Miami knows that he’s actually a cop. If Izzy could figure it out, why not Louis McCarthy? Perhaps McCarthy wasn’t so great after all.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.8 “No Exit”

Posted on October 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Bruce Willis comes to Miami!

Episode 1.8 “No Exit”

(Dir by David Soul, originally aired on November 9th, 1984)

Tony Amato is a complete monster.

He’s an arms dealer, one who is responsible for machine guns showing up all over Miami. When he’s not selling guns to drug dealers, he’s plotting to sell rocket launchers to terrorists. He’s a crude and a violent man who has suddenly gotten very wealthy and who likes to show off his money. He lives in a pink, art deco mansion. He has a beautiful wife named Rita (Katherine Borowitz), who he regularly abuses. Miami Vice wants to arrest him to get the guns off the street. The federal government wants to arrest him so that they can get their rocket launchers back. And Rita …. well, Rita just wants to hire someone to kill him.

Tony Amato is a memorable character because of just how thoroughly evil he actually is. He’s a criminal because he enjoys it and it doesn’t bother him that his weapons can lead to innocent people dying. Tony is also memorable because he’s played by Bruce Willis. This was Willis’s first credited acting role. (He had appeared as an extra in a few movies before this.) Willis got the role on the recommendation of Don Johnson, who remembered Bruce as being the bartender at one of his favorite New York bars. Though there’s not a lot of depth to the role, Willis does get to show off the cocky confidence that would later become his trademark.

As for the episode, it’s dark even by the standards of Miami Vice. The episode opens with a violent chase and gunfight in the streets of Miami and it ends, just as the previous episode did, with an abused spouse probably throwing their life away to get revenge. We watch as Tubbs, Crockett, and Lester (Julio Oscar Mechesco) sneak into Tony’s mansion and manage to bug the place before Tony returns home. They set up their survelliance operation on Crockett’s boat. Of course, things pretty much fall apart as soon as the federal agents show up and demand to be allowed to oversee the operation.

While the Miami cops and the federal agents fight over jurisdiction, Crockett tries to help Rita escape from her husband. He approaches her while she’s waiting to meet with a hitman and convinces her to let the cops handle it. He promises her that he will put Tony away, even though he knows nothing is ever that simple. Both Katherine Borowitz and Don Johnson do a good job in their scenes together. Deep down, Crockett knows that he’s giving Rita false hope but he can’t bring himself to admit it.

Tubbs, once again, gets to break out his Jamaican accent as he goes undercover as a terrorist who is in the market for Tony’s rocket launchers. Through Tubbs’s hard work, Tony is arrested but, on the steps of the courthouse, two new government agents demand that Tony be released because they’ve determined him to be a potential asset in their own Central American operations. Tony smirks as his handcuffs are removed. Rita appears on the steps, demanding to know why Tony is being set free. She pulls a gun from her purse. We got a freeze frame of Sonny shouting, “NO!” as a gunshot echoes on the soundtrack. Tony may be dead (and we never specifically see whether Rita’s aim was true or not) but his guns are still on the streets, the people he sold to are still free, and the only person going to prison is going to be an abused wife.

Like I said, this was a dark episode. This is one of those episodes that left the viewer to wonder why Cockett and Tubbs even bothered to make the effort. In the end, all their hard work added up to nothing. For Crockett, the case became about saving Rita but the government was more concerned about their own shady schemes that protecting its citizens. Of course, even if Tony had been sent to prison, someone else would have taken his place. That’s life in Miami.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.7 “One Eyed Jack”

Posted on October 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Vice gets a new leader!

Episode 1.7 “One Eyed Jack”

(Dir by Lee H. Katzin, originally aired on November 2nd, 1984)

Oh, that Sonny Crockett. He’s got problems!

For one thing, animal control is still showing up at the harbor and trying to repossess his pet alligator, Elvis. Sonny manages to talk them out of it by explaining that Elvis is actually employed by the Miami Police Department. Sonny even flashes his badge as proof, which I found strange since I thought the whole idea of Sonny living on the boat was so that he could convince everyone that he was actually a big time drug dealer. For someone who is supposed to be deep undercover, Sonny never seems to make much of an effort to hide the fact that he’s a cop.

Crockett and Tubbs have been assigned to stakeout a bookie in the hope that it’ll lead to the arrest of his boss, a supposedly “untouchable” gangster named Al Lombard (Dennis Farina, who was always a totally convincing gangster despite actually being a Chicago cop). Crockett is shocked to see his ex-girlfriend, Barbara (Janet Constable), begging the bookie for more time to pay off her gambling debts. Apparently, Barbara is so far in debt that Lombard’s second-in-command, Vince DeMarco (played by former Andy Warhol superstar, Joe Dallesandro), has stolen the tools that Barbara’s husband needs to make a living.

Seeking to help out his ex, Crockett approaches Vince and requests that he return the tools. Vince explains that the tools have already been destroyed and then offers Crockett an envelope full of cash as payment for them. Crockett takes the envelope and is promptly arrested by Internal Affairs Detective Schroeder (Dan Hedaya, as wonderfully sleazy as ever). It turns out that Vince agreed to expose a dirty cop in return for being granted immunity on some racketeering charges.

Everyone knows that Crockett has been framed. In the past, Lou Rodriguez would have stood by Crockett but Rodriguez died two episodes ago and the new head of vice is Lt. Martin Castillo (Edward James Olmos). Accurately described as being “Charles Bronson by way of Havana,” by Tubbs, Castillo is an enigmatic figure, one who rarely speaks or shows the slightest hint of emotion. He has a withering stare that can be terrifying in its intensity. When Tubbs, feeling that Castillo isn’t being properly supportive of Crockett, demands to know, “Whose side are you on?,” Castillo replies, “Don’t ever come up to my face like this again, Detective,” and the viewer is left with no doubt that Castillo is perhaps the most terrifying man in Miami.

After Barbara turns up dead, Tubbs goes undercover. After meeting with DeMarco, Tubbs works his way up to Lombard. Tubbs claims to be a gangster from Philadelphia who is looking to get in on the action in Miami. (“If Miami doesn’t have it,” DeMarco assures him, “nobody’s thought of it yet.”) Lombard takes a liking to Tubbs and hires him to deal with his Black and Spanish “clientale.” Soon, Tubbs and DeMarco are hitting the cockfights and going to the club with Lombard. Tubbs also frames DeMarco for the theft of $2,000. Realizing that Lombard is probably going to try to kill him, DeMarco not only signs a paper exonerating Crockett but he also wears a wire the next time that he and Tubbs visit Lombard’s yacht.

Good news, right? Well, it would be …. except that Barbara’s husband Jerry (Jimmie Ray Weeks) sneaks onto the yacht and shoots DeMarco dead before Lombard says anything incriminating. Jerry goes to prison and Lombard goes free. Crockett and Tubbs end up on Crockett’s boat, fishing at ten o’clock at night. Crockett says that it’s the only way to stay sane.

What a dark episode! Crockett was exonerated but his otherwise perfect plan fell apart. This episode truly presented Miami as being a decadent playground, one that could make someone rich just as easily as it could destroy them. While Jerry and Barbara lived in a small, run-down house, DeMarco wore expensive suits and Lombard lived on an expensive yacht and neither one gave much thought to the people whose lives were destroyed by their activities. With Crockett sidelined by the IA investigation, Tubbs finally got his chance to shine and Philip Michael Thomas did a good job of capturing the adrenaline rush of becoming a part of Lombard’s world. As opposed to the cynical and weary Crockett, Tubbs seems like he could be seriously tempted to switch sides in the war on crime. In the end, Tubbs outsmarted DeMarco not by being better than him but instead by being even more ruthless. And yet, for all the dark vibes to be found in this episode, the glamour of life in Miami was undeniably appealing. Where else, the episode asked, can you arrest the bad guys while also working on your tan and hanging out on the beach?

Indeed, I find myself feeling a bit jealous of Gina (played by Saundra Santiago). So far, she hasn’t gotten to do much on the show beyond being Sonny’s sometime girlfriend. But she still gets to wear the best clothes and hang out with the coolest people and she gets to do it all while carrying a gun. What more could one ask for?

Next week, Bruce Willis makes his television debut!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.6 “Calderone’s Return Part 2: Calderone’s Demise”

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Crockett and Tubbs finally get their revenge on Calderone!

Episode 1.6 “Calderone’s Return Part 2: Calderone’s Demise”

(Dir by Paul Michael Glaser, originally aired on October 26th, 1984)

This episode of Miami Vice opens with Crockett and Tubbs interrogating an associate of the hitman who Calderone (Miguel Pinero) sent to kill Sonny during the previous episode. Crockett and Tubbs yell at the man and basically threatened to beat the crap out of him unless he tells them where Calderone is hiding in the Bahamas. They eventually get the information that they want but it’s hard not to compare their methods to the methods that the “bad” cops previously used to get a false confession from the Haitians in episode 4.

Of course, in this case, it’s personal for Crockett and Tubbs. Calderone killed Tubbs’s brother. Calderone’s assassin killed Lt. Rodriguez and nearly killed Sonny’s wife and son. And besides, how could any viewer spend too much time worrying about the ethics of how they got their information when it leads to an extended sequence of Crockett and Tubbs stoically standing in one of Crockett’s speed boats as they race across the ocean to the Bahamas?

Miami Vice has often been described as being the ultimate example of style over substance and, while I think that’s an oversimplification because Miami Vice definitely had something to say about greed and the war on drugs, it is true that this episode proves just how many illogical plot developments an audience is willing to accept as long as the story is told with a certain amount of visual fliar.

Because, seriously, at no point does Crockett and Tubbs’s plan make any sense.

Basically, Crockett and Tubbs are planning to work undercover on the island so that they can get close to Calderone. Here’s the thing, though — Calderone has seen both Crockett and Tubbs so it’s not like he’s not going to recognize them if he spots them. (Calderone even sent a hitman to kill Crockett.) As well, since neither Calderone nor anyone in his entourage actually met the hitman, Crockett is planning on pretending to be the hitman and demanding more money for his services. However, the hitman is from Argentina and there’s absolutely nothing about Don Johnson (or Sonny Crockett) that suggests that he could be from anywhere in South America. Finally, one has to be willing to accept that Calderone no longer has any contacts in Miami who could call him up and say, “Hey, your hitman’s dead and Sonny Crockett is still alive.”

Tubbs, meanwhile, pretends to be an art gallery owner so he can approach Angelina (Phanie Napoli), the artist who he believes to be Calderone’s mistress. It’s not until after Tubbs has slept with her that he discovers that she is actually Calderone’s daughter and she believes her father to be a legitimate businessman. Despite having known her for only a day, Tubbs tells Crockett that he’s falling in love with her.

By that point, Calderone has already figured out that Sonny and Tubbs are on the island and they’ve already been through one exciting car chase. Logic would suggest that Sonny and Tubbs should now leave the island but, instead, they decide to put on masks so that they can attend the carnival. The masks, however, don’t do fool anyone as they’re both grabbed by Calderone’s men and taken to Calderone’s mansion where Calderone ends up getting gunned down while Angelina screams, “NOOOOOO!” Needless to say, that’s pretty much the end of Angelina’s romance with Tubbs.

As I said, the plot doesn’t always make much sense. The whole storyline is dependent on Tubbs, Crockett, and Calderone almost always choosing to make the most illogical choices. Calderone could have easily killed Tubbs and Crockett at the carnival but, for some reason, he brought them to his home. Tubbs and Crockett could have arrested Calderone for jumping bail and taken him back to Miami but, instead, they came up with an undercover plan that was doomed to failure. It makes no sense but it’s so stylish that it doesn’t matter. The slow motion shootouts, the car chases, the masks, the beautiful island scenery, the spacey comedic relief provided by Sam McMurray in the role of a stoned resort manager, all of that comes together so nicely that the plot ultimately doesn’t matter. It’s pure style and both Johnson and Thomas are so charismatic as Crockett and Tubbs that they’re a pleasure to watch even when they’re doing stupid things.

Next week: Edward James Olmos arrives at Vice.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man!

Posted on October 13, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1991’s Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, starring Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man is available on Prime! See you there!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.5 “Calderone’s Return: The Hit List”

Posted on October 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, the squad loses a member!

Episode 1.5 “Calderone’s Return: The Hit List”

(Dir by Richard A. Colla, originally aired on October 19th, 1984)

This episode opens with Sonny Crockett …. shaving!

That’s right. After four episodes featuring Sonny with stubble, he finally shaves in this one. Tubbs is shocked to see it. However, Sonny has a good reason for shaving because he is due in divorce court, where he hopes that he can keep his soon to be ex-wife from taking his son to Georgia.

At the courthouse, Sonny and Caroline (Belinda Montgomery) take one look at each other and realize that they don’t want to give up on their marriage. They cancel the hearing and fire their attorneys. Caroline says that she’ll find a job in Miami and the Crockett family will stay together.

Yay! It’s a good thing Sonny shaved.

Unfortunately, the pilot’s main bad guy, Calderone, wants to return to Miami and he’s sent an assassin (Jim Zubiena) to not only take out his potential rivals but also to kill the cops who he blames for his downfall. When Tubbs and Rodriguez discover that Crockett is the 8th name on the assassin’s hit list and that six of the previous names are already dead, Rodriguez orders Crockett to go into productive custody. Knowing that Crockett has trouble with following orders, Lt. Rodriguez personally escorts Sonny to his boat so that Sonny can pack. When Rodriguez spots the reflection of a muzzle on a nearby building, Rodriguez pushes Sonny out of the way just as the Assassin pulls the trigger. Rodriguez takes the bullet that was meant for Sonny.

And I have to admit that I was a bit upset by Rodriguez getting shot, despite the fact that Rodriguez wasn’t a particularly well-developed character. He was the typical tough chief with a secret heart of gold and, for the most part, his brief role on the show consisted of barking at Sonny to do things by the book. But still, Gregory Sierra was a likable actor and, as a result, Rodriguez always came across as being nice even when he was angry at Crockett. Technically, the reason Rodriguez sacrificed his life was because Sierra requested to be written off the show. In the world of Miami Vice, though, Rodriguez’s death gave both Crockett and Tubbs even more motivation to seek revenge on Calderone.

But, before Crockett and Tubbs can head down to the Bahamas to get Calderone, they have to take care of the Assassin. After an hour of chases, misdirections, and one wonderfully over-the-top nightclub brawl, Crockett and the Assassin face each other in Crockett’s house, firing bullets at each other while Crockett’s wife and son cower in another room. It’s an exciting fight, containing one particularly memorable moment when the Assassin appears to be firing his machine gun directly at the camera. The Assassin was played by Jim Zubiena, who is a professional marksman and was a gun advisor on the set. The Assassin doesn’t say one word but he’s still terrifying precisely because he obviously knows how to handle a gun. In the end, it takes the entire Vice Squad to gun him down and it’s nice to see Crockett and Tubbs finally being helped out in a gunfight by Gina, Trudy, Switek, and Zito.

The Assassin may be dead but Calderone still lives. After Crockett tells his shaken wife that he’ll reschedule their divorce hearing, he and Tubbs head for the Bahamas as part one of Calderone’s Revenge comes to a close.

Goodbye, Lou Rodriguez. You will be missed.

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.4 “Cool Runnin'”

Posted on October 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Crockett and Tubbs gain an informant!

Episode 1.4 “Cool Runnin'”

(Dir by Lee H. Katzin, originally aired on October 5th, 1984)

One of the main themes of Miami Vice was that, no matter how many drug lords that Crockett and Tubbs got off the streets, there was always someone in the wings waiting to replace them. The drug trade was (and is) big business and there was always someone willing to step into the vacuum that was left by the downfall of any of the major players. For all of their efforts, Crockett and Tubbs were essentially fighting a war on drugs that could not be won.

Cool Runnin’ features an early example of this. With Calderone having fled Miami for Colombia, he’s been replaced by Desmond Maxwell (Afemo Omilami), a Jamaican who is willing to murder just about anyone who gets in his way. When he’s first seen, he and the members of his gang are gunning down a group of rival drug dealers in a mall parking lot. Later, Desmond kills one undercover cop and seriously wounds another.

Another major theme in Miami Vice is that Crockett (and, to a lesser extent, Tubbs) are willing to put others at risk to take down their targets. The majority of this episode deals with Nugart Neville ‘Noogie’ Lamont (Charlie Barnett), a talkative thief and speed freak who is recruited, somewhat against his will, to be an informant. When Crockett and Tubbs discover that Noogie served time with Desmond, they use Noogie to set up a meeting with Desmond. When Crockett tells Desmond that he wants to buy from him and that he’ll be waiting for him at Noogie’s apartment, Tubbs points out that Crockett is putting Noogie’s life in danger without even bothering to tell Noogie beforehand.

(Crockett, it should be noted, isn’t thinking straight for most of this episode because his wife has filed for divorce and wants to take his son to Georgia.)

At first, it appears that Noogie is going to get a reprieve when a calls comes in that the man who killed the undercover cops has been arrested. It doesn’t take long for Crockett (and the audience) to figure out that the man who has been arrested is not Jamaican (instead, he’s Haitian) and that he’s been beaten by the racist cop who arrested him.

Instead, the killers are now at Noogie’s apartment, where they are waiting for Crockett and Tubbs to show up so that they can kill both the cops and their informant. It all leads to final shoot-out, one that is shown almost entirely in slow motion and which is surprisingly effective.

This was a good episode about the human cost of getting involved as law enforcement, whether as a cop or a criminal. While Desmond Maxwell was not a particularly nuanced character, he was appropriately intimidating and the audience never had any doubt that he would coldly kill anyone who he viewed as being a threat. (One of the more haunting moments of the episode features the Vice Squad listening to the tape of shooting in which Desmond gunned down two detectives.)

The episode was largely dominated by Charlie Barnett’s performance as Noogie. Barnett was a stand-up comedian who first came to prominence performing in Central Park. He was nearly cast on Saturday Night Live until it was discovered that he struggled with reading. Barnett was replaced, at the last minute, by another New York comedian, Eddie Murphy. As Noogie. Barnett never stops moving, talking, and performing. It’s actually exhausting just watching him. But, as the episode proceeds, Barnett starts to calm down and, by the end of it, the audience is actually happy that he wasn’t killed in the shoot-out.

Unfortunately, next week, a major character will be killed in a shootout. Who? Find out next Monday!

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.3 “Heart of Darkness”

Posted on September 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Crockett and Tubbs drive into the abyss and discover what happens when you lose yourself in vice.

Episode 1.3 “Heart of Darkness”

(Dir by John Llewellyn Moxey, originally aired on September 28th, 1984)

The third episode of Miami Vice appears to be take place at least a month or two after the end of the pilot. Tubbs is not only now a member of the Miami Vice Squad but he and Crockett are now best friends. Gone is all the animosity and mistrust that characterized their initial relationship. Now, Crockett is willing to open up to Tubbs and Tubbs is willing to defend Crockett’s pet alligator, Elvis, when Sonny briefly flies into rage mode and threatens to throw away its favorite blanket.

(Sonny is upset because Elvis, who doesn’t like being left on the boat alone, ate one of Sonny’s records.)

Though Tubbs has been accepted by the Vice Squad, he’s still struggling to adjust to Miami, which is a bit more laid back than New York. Early on, he complains to Lt. Rodriguez about his apartment. Rodriguez just rolls his eyes. Sorry, Tubbs. Only one Miami cop gets to live with an alligator on a houseboat. Everyone else is stuck with a one-bedroom.

Crockett and Tubbs’s current assignment is to penetrate the world of Southern Florida porn kingpin, Walter Kovics (Paul Hecht). Kovics is involved with the Mafia and is suspected of having ordered several murders. When one of his actresses (played by Suzy Amis, making her television debut) is not only murdered but also turns out to be an underage runaway from Kansas, the case becomes personal. Crockett and Tubbs want to take down Kovics but the only way to get to Kovics is through his second-in-command, Artie Rollins. At first glance, Artie seems to be a typical coked up criminal but, upon further investigation, Crockett and Tubbs learn that Artie Rollins is actually Arthur Lawson, an FBI agent who has spent the last few years of his life working undercover. Now, no one is sure if Artie is still working undercover or if he’s truly gone over to the other side. Artie claims that he’s still working to bring down Kovics but when Kovics discovers that Crockett and Tubbs are undercover cops, Artie is the one who is ordered to shoot them. Which side is Artie on? Not even he seems to know for sure.

Artie is played by Ed O’Neill. The future star of Married With Children and Modern Family star was in his mid-thirties when he appeared in Miami Vice and this was one of his earliest television roles. O’Neill gives an unpredictable performance, one that is often frightening and sometimes even a bit poignant. As played by O’Neill, Arthur is a man who has truly lost himself and the character is compelling because Arthur himself doesn’t seem to know what he’s going to do from minute-to-minute. He may want to take down Kovics but he’s also spent so many years in Kovics’s world that he knows he won’t ever be able to adjust to anything else. In the end, Arthur does the right thing but he sacrifices his soul as he does it and his joy at gunning down Kovics is almost as disturbing as the look he had in his eyes when he was previously considering whether to execute Crockett and Tubbs. The show’s final moments find Crockett and Tubbs sitting in a cop bar. Crockett confesses that he saw a lot of himself in Arthur Lawson. Rodriguez approaches them and informs them that, while being debriefed at FBI headquarters, Arthur committed suicide.

This was an interesting episode. The plot was a bit conventional but it was elevated by Ed O’Neill’s performance as the unstable Arthur. (O’Neill kept the viewer guessing, along with Crockett and Tubbs, as to who Arthur really was.) And, of course, just when it seems like everyone’s gotten their happy ending, Rodriguez reminded us that happy endings are never guaranteed. Everything comes with a price. Indeed, that’s one of the major themes of Miami Vice. Arthur sacrificed his identity, his soul, and ultimately his life to see that justice was done but, in the end, someone will quickly replace Kovics and the business of vice will continue with little interruption. Arthur will be largely forgotten and only mentioned as a cautionary tale. Can anyone blame Sonny for wanting to spend all of his time on a boat with an alligator?

Retro Television Reviews: Miami Vice 1.2 “Brother’s Keeper: Part Two”

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, we learn who Tubbs really is and one scene changes television forever.

Episode 1.2 “Brother Keeper: Part Two”

(Directed by Thomas Carter, originally aired on September 16th, 1984)

The pilot for Miami Vice originally aired as a two-hour made-for-TV movie but, when it was released in syndication, it was split into two separate episodes. That’s the way it’s usually aired on the retro stations and that’s also the way that it’s featured on Tubi. And, as you can tell, that’s the way that I’ve decided to review it for this site.

Picking up where the first half ended, Brother’s Keeper: Part Two finds Sonny and Tubbs searching through the deceased Leon’s apartment. Calderone’s men obviously visited the place and ransacked it before Sonny and Tubbs arrived but Sonny still manages to find Leon’s collection of important phone numbers. Tubbs is surprised to discover that Leon lived in a very nice apartment but that’s the way things work in Miami. Cocaine means big money and any one willing to take the risk can live like a king. While the cops and the regular people go home to small apartments and houses that they can barely afford, the successful criminal lives a life of relative luxury. The question is less why so many people are dealing drugs as why so many people aren’t.

While searching the apartment, Tubbs suddenly realizes that Sonny Crockett used to be a football star with the University of Florida. (“You were a funky honky!” Tubbs exclaims.) Apparently, Sonny was one of the best but a series of injuries ended his NFL dreams and, instead of going pro, Sonny did two tours of duty in Vietnam. (The South Asian conference, Sonny calls it.) Myself, I’m wondering how a semi-famous former football player can also be an undercover detective, working under a false name. Wouldn’t he always be worried that a drug dealer would recognize him from the college days and figure out that Sonny Burnett was actually Sonny Crockett?

Sonny’s co-worker and girlfriend, Gina (Saundra Santiago), takes a break from working the undercover prostitution detail and lets Sonny know that she did a background check on Raphael Tubbs and he’s dead! Raphael was a New York cop who was killed in shootout weeks before the other Tubbs landed in Miami. When Sonny confronts him about this, Tubbs admits that he’s actually Ricardo, Raphael’s younger brother. Raphael was a decorated Brooklyn detective. Rico Tubbs, on the other hand, was a Bronx beat cop who forged a lot of documents in order to come down to Florida and convince Vice to allow him to work the Calderone case. Sonny isn’t happy about being lied to but he has a lot more to worry about because, the night before, he apparently rolled over to Gina and whispered his ex-wife’s name in her ear! Needless to say, things are a bit awkward between just about everyone.

Actually, awkward doesn’t even begin to describe what happens when Tubbs suggests that Lt. Rodriguez could be Calderone’s mole. Sonny refuses to consider it until he overhears Rodriguez talking about enrolling his son in a pricey private school. Fortunately, Rodriguez is innocent and the real mole’s number is found in Leon’s apartment. Unfortunately, that number belongs to Sonny’s former partner, Scott Wheeler (Bill Smitrovich)!

After getting Wheeler to confess and turning him over to Rodriguez, Sonny and Tubbs drive down the dark streets of Miami at night, heading towards a rendezvous with Calderone. They don’t say much. Tubbs loads his shotgun. Sonny stops and makes a call to his ex-wife, something that his former partner Eddie didn’t get to do before he was killed. The neon of Miami glows menacingly in the darkness. Meanwhile, in the background, Phil Collins sings In the Air Tonight….

And it’s an absolutely beautiful sequence. Between the surreal menace of Miami at night, the atmosphere of impending doom, and the moody song playing in the background, this sequence plays out like a surreal dream. Both Tubbs and Crockett know that they are quite possibly driving to their death but, at this point, they have no other choice. Too many people have died to turn back. Neither Sonny nor Tubbs has anything in their life at that moment, beyond arresting Calderone.

And they do manage to arrest Calderone, along with killing quite a few of his associates. However, Calderone is released by a crooked judge and flies away in a private airplane while Sonny and Tubbs can only stand on the runway and watch. Sonny says that Calderone will return eventually. Tubbs replies that he probably doesn’t have a job anymore. Sonny asks Tubbs if he’s interested in a “career in Southern law enforcement.”

The second part of the pilot was dominated by that one scene of Tubbs and Sonny driving down the street. And that scene was so strong and it made such an impression that it’s easy to ignore that the rest of Brother’s Keeper Part Two was not quite as exciting as Part One. If the first part of the pilot set up Miami as a hedonistic playground of the rich and corrupt, the second part felt a bit more conventional in its approach. Or, at least, it did until Phil Collins started to sing and play the drums. One cannot understate the importance of that one scene. That one scene, done with next to no dialogue, pretty much told the viewer everything that they needed to know about the show, about Miami, and about Crockett and Tubbs as partners. In that scene, the show reminded us that no one is guaranteed to get out alive.

Next week: Crockett and Tubbs infiltrate an undercover pornography ring and Ed O’Neill appears as an FBI agent who may have gone over to the dark side.