Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, we have perhaps the dumbest 30 minutes of television ever.
Episode 1.17 “Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 23rd, 1990)
After breaking the school’s video camera, Zack and the gang need to come up with some money and they need to do it quickly! They see that a tabloid will pay money for pictures of an alien so they send in a picture of Screech. Thompson (Sean Masterson) turns up at the school to investigate the claim. Screech pretends to be an alien. Uh-oh, Thompson’s from the government and he wants to dissect Screech!
This is without a doubt the stupidest episode of Saved By The Bell that I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something. Everyone in the school — including freaking Mr. Belding — puts on a mask to show Thompson that he’s been fooled.
That’s not very nice, Thompson says.
Neither is telling a bunch of kids you’re from a magazine, Belding replies.
What does that even mean, Belding?
Seriously, I try to cut this show some slack but even when I was an occasionally stoned college student watching Saved By The Bell so I’d have something other to do other than study, I still groaned whenever this episode came on.
Did they ever fix the video camera? They should have let the government have Screech.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
It’s time for the annual school swap meet!
Episode 1.10 “Swap Meet”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 13, 1993)
It’s time for the Swap Meet, the annual Bayside tradition that has never been mentioned before this week’s episode. All of the students — and Mr. Belding — go to the gym to sell the old stuff that they don’t need anymore. Does anyone in this school actually go to class?
Weasel, Scott, and Tommy D. have their own table, where they are apparently selling random things from Weasel’s garage. Scott desperately needs some money so that he can take Rachel Meyers (Sarah Lancaster, who would become a regular starting with season 2) to the Janet Jackson concert. Scott is not happy when Weasel takes the ten dollars that Scott and Tommy D have made at the table and spends it all on comic books. Fortunately, one of those comic books turns out to be Defender Dog #59, the one with the “famous misprint!” Scott and Weasel go to call the comic book shop to find out how much the comic book is worth. “It’s worth 600 raviolis!” Weasel announces. Huh? Who talks like that?
While Scott and Weasel are dancing in the hallway, Tommy D sells the comic book for nine dollars to Marv and Harv Dorkman (played by Grant Gelt and Karl Michael Maschek).
Marv and Harv, as you guessed, are two of Saved By The Bell‘s stereotypical nerd characters. They refuse to sell the comic book back to Scott. When Scott realizes that Marv and Harv have crushes on Megan and Vicki, he convinces Megan and Vicki to go to the movies with them and to lie about loving comic books. Megan and Vicki think that, by doing this, they’ll get the Defender Dog comic book. Instead, Marv and Harv sell the comic book to Crunch Grabowski (Ryan Hurst) and then use the money that they made to buy necklaces for Megan and Vicki, which Megan and Vicki promptly reject.
“I can’t believe this,” Scott says.
“Getting that comic book back is harder than Chinese square dancing,” says Weasel.
It’s hurting my head just to recap this.
Anyway, Crunch doesn’t want to sell the comic book so Scott convinces Crunch to come to the local comic book shop, which is owned by Honolulu Harry. So, of course, Weasel puts on an old man mask and pretends to be Honolulu Harry and Tommy D. pretends to be a nerd who wants to sell a copy of Defender Dog so that Weasel (as Harry) to tell him that no one likes Defender Dog. Crunch cannot handle being seen with an unpopular super hero so he trades Defender Dog for Lou the Ant. Scott gets the comic book but then the real Honolulu Harry shows up and refuses to buy it from him because he caught Tommy D. in the back of the comic book shop. “You touched my comics!” Harry yells. What are people supposed to do in a comic book store?
Poor Scott! Well, no, not really. There’s a hundred smart things that Scott could have done during this episode and he didn’t do a single one of them. He deserves what he gets….
Oh wait, the Dorkmans spent a lot of money to get four tickets to the Janet Jackson concert. Megan tells them that she and Vicki would love to go to the concert with them. Megan says she’ll hold on to two of the tickets and that she and Vicki will meet them at the concert. The Dorkmans give the tickets to Megan and Vicki and then Megan and Vicki give them to Scott so he can take Rachel to the concert.
“You guys did this for me? You guys are the best.” Scott says.
Rachel shows up to go to the concert with Scott. She asks if the tickets were hard to get.
“No, not when you have really great friends,” Scott says.
Awwwww! the audience replies.
The audience has probably forgotten that Vicki had a huge crush on Scott just a few episodes ago and Megan and Scott were hinted to be a couple-in-the-making at the start of the season. Beyond continuity, the main message here seems to be that, if your friend is a pathological liar, it’s okay to to lie to help him out. The Dorkmans, who apparently spent a lot of money on the tickets that Megan just gave away, are already at the concert waiting on their dates. Vicki and Megan’s actions would perhaps be justified if the Dorkmans were creeps but, for the most part, they’re just two guys who wears glasses and like comic books. And while it is true that the Dorkmans bought those tickets without bothering to ask Vicki and Megan out beforehand, it’s also true that Megan flat-out lied so that she could then give the tickets to Scott.
One thing that I have noticed about Saved By The Bell: The New Class is that it seems to really hate its nerd characters. The original series had stereotypical nerds as well but they were still, more or less, likeable and the show’s characters may not have hung out with them but they weren’t intentionally cruel to them. Saved By The Bell: The New Class, on the other hand, feels as if it was written by the same people who spilled the pig’s blood on Carrie White.
Anyway, this episode was terrible. Thank goodness there’s only three more episodes of the first season to go.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, it’s prank war time!
Episode 1.17 “Save That Tiger”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 16th, 1989)
Historically, this is an important episode.
This is the episode that establishes that Valley is Bayside’s rival. It also introduces us to the annual prank war. It’s the episode in which Jessie (reluctantly) becomes a cheerleader. This episode establishes that Screech is the dork in the Bayside tiger costume. This is also the episode in which we first learn that Mr. Belding was a wild man in high school. His nickname? Mad Dog!
That said, what most people remember about this episode is “Stinky” Stingwell, the principal of Valley. Played by veteran comic Ronnie Schell, Mr. Stingwell is a prank war veteran who encourages his students to kidnap Screech and who greets Mr. Belding with a joy buzzer. Stinky Stingwell is a great character and it’s a shame that he only appeared in one episode.
This episode ends with a cheer competition between Valley, Bayside, and an unnamed school. Valley attempts to ruin the Bayside cheer by kidnapping Screech and putting a Valley student in the tiger costume. When Slater and Zack find out, they pour a bunch of fire ants into the costume and this leads to the Bayside Tiger having what appears to be a seizure. (It’s a good thing that the guy in the costume wasn’t allergic to fire ants because he could have died. Is that the legacy they want for their prank war?) Somehow, this leads to Bayside winning the competition. Even though Mr. Belding said he didn’t want any more pranks, he seems to be okay with them as long as it leads to Bayside winning a trophy.
I decided to get an expert opinion when it came to judging the cheer competition so I forced my sister to watch it with me. She said Valley should have won and I have to agree. Their cheer was good without requiring any gimmicks like a spastic tiger.
“We won the prank war,” Zack tells us.
Eh. Sorry, Zack. Stinky Stingwell won this round. TPing the school? Abducting Screech? Stealing the costume? Wrapping up the school’s students in 2-ply toilet paper? Somehow setting bobby traps in Zack, Slater, and Screech’s lockers?
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
Can the gang convince Megan’s father not to improve her life?
Episode 1.9 “Good-Bye Megan”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on November 6th, 1993)
Megan is frustrated by the fact that, unlike her, the rest of the gang at Bayside has no plans for the future. She even imagines coming to the 20-year reunion in her medical scrubs (complete with facemask) and discovering that Tommy is a mechanic, Lindsay is a waitress, Vicki is still watching soap operas, Weasel plays video games for a living, and Scott is a lifeguard.
In other words, Megan is a snob. In her fantasy, it doesn’t matter that it’s been previously established that Tommy is actually a very good auto mechanic and that he could probably make a lot of money fixing other people’s cars. It doesn’t matter that Lindsay is married to Tommy and appears to be very happy. It doesn’t matter that Scott also appears to be good at his job (and the world does need lifeguards) and that Weasel is apparently now some sort of video game celebrity. All that matters is that Megan is a doctor and they’re …. not.
Like, seriously, what type of petty person even has a fantasy like that? Are all of her friends supposed to become doctors? The fantasy is inspired by her friends just wanting to enjoy their high school years so, to me, it seems like Megan is just jealous that other people are having a good time while she spends her nights studying. I certainly wouldn’t want Megan to be my doctor. She’d probably judge me for caring more about movies than lectures.
Megan’s father (Richard Lawson) is a judge who is able to pull some strings and get Megan accepted to exclusive Willowbrook Academy. Megan is superexcited about leaving her dumb friends behind but then she meets with two Willowbrook girls and discovers that they are too snobby for her–
Really? Because I think this episode already established that no one is a bigger snob than Megan.
Megan changes her mind about going to Willowbrook. She wants to stay at Bayside with her loser friends. When her father comes to Bayside to give a speech about his life as a judge, Megan’s friends try to convince him that Bayside is a wealthy school, just like Willowbrook. It’s pretty dumb — for one thing, it’s already been established that the judge knows all of Megan’s friends so why would he suddenly believe that Tommy D was a sophisticated entrepreneur-in-the-making — but it works. The judge is so moved by the gang’s attempts to lie to him that he allows Megan to stay at Bayside.
Yay, I guess.
This first season is pointless. There’s no continuity from one episode to the next. One episode ended with Megan and Scott walking off with each other while the audience went, “Wooooo!” Another episode has Scott trying to break up Lindsay and Tommy. Now, suddenly Tommy and Scott are best friends. Weasel had a crush on Megan but now he doesn’t. It’s a mess but, on the plus side, most of these people will be gone once season 2 begins.
As for season one, we’ve only got four more episodes to go!
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
It’s time to start the school year! Zack gets ready for his first day …. wait a minute, hasn’t school already started?
Episode 1.16 “King of the Hill”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 9th, 1989)
I’ll never forget the day Slater showed up….
For the longest time, I believed that this was the first episode of Saved By The Bell. I mean, the episode features Zack meeting Slater for the first time, Slater meeting Kelly for the first time, and it introduces all of the regulars. We discover that Zack, somehow, has a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Kelly in his bedroom. That’s weird and kind of disturbing.
However, I have since learned that, while this was indeed the pilot for Saved By The Bell, it wasn’t actually aired until halfway through the first season. That’s why we hear an older sounding Zack say, “I’ll never forget the day Slater showed up….” We’re watching a flashback. But if it’s a flashback, why is Zack talking directly to the audience? I mean, if the audience was there when it happened the first time, why would Zack be telling them about it a second time? For that matter, why — if this is Zack’s first day as a high school freshman — is he already a legendary troublemaker at the school? Mr. Belding remembers him from Good Morning Ms. Bliss but that show was set in Junior High and in Indiana! And before anyone says that they’re two different shows, allow me to point out that the Ms. Bliss episode were later reshown in syndication as Saved By The Bell episodes, complete with Zack introducing them by saying, “Here’s a story that happened in junior high….”
My personal theory about all this? Saved By The Bell was a Peter Engel show and, like most Peter Engel shows, no one cared much about continuity. Ironically, that sloppiness is a huge part of the show’s continuing popularity. People like me are still trying to make some sort of logical sense out of how Ms. Bliss and Saved By The Bell could both exist in the same universe.
As for this pilot …. well, for the most part, it’s not very good. Of the young actors, only Mario Lopez really seems to have any idea as to who his character should be. Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who would develop into a very good actor, overacts a bit in the pilot. He, Dustin Diamond, and Lark Voorhees were all still giving the same performances that they gave in Ms. Bliss and they didn’t quite feel right for what would become Saved By The Bell. Really, the only scene that truly works is when Mr. Belding puts on a sweater and attempts to “understand” why Zack is acting out before finally snapping as Zack makes a mess of his office. From the start, Dennis Haskins and Mark-Paul Gosselaar made for a good comedy team.
One final note: This episode aired nearly 37 years ago. Mario Lopez has aged, at most, ten years since then. He has got to have a haunted painting in his attic.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week’s episode is so annoying.
Episode 1.8 “Belding’s Baby”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 30th, 1993)
Ugh, this episode.
First off, I totally forgot that Mr. and Mrs. Belding named their son after Zack Morris. They did this because, during the original series, Zack helped deliver his namesake when he and Mrs. Belding ended up trapped in an elevator. While that was nice of Zack to do, I still have to wonder at the logic of naming your son after an unrepentant sociopath.
Anyway, Mr. Belding needs help looking after baby Zack. Scott volunteers to babysit him in order to get out of detention. Scott and the gang take baby Zack to the movies. Scott meets a girl named Ashley (Katy Barnhill), whose mother is a baby photographer who is seeking models. So, Scott pretends to be Zack Belding’s older brother and he and his friends try to get Baby Zack to the studio without Mr. Belding figuring things out. But when Belding takes his son to the Maxx, Weasel and Vicki have to dress up as Mr. Belding’s parents and….
Ugh, this is stupid.
It’s not even stupid in an amusing way. Scott lies about being Zack’s brother. There was absolutely no reason for Scott to lie. Ashley liked Scott from the start so Scott could have just said he was babysitting. For that matter, Mr. Belding could have hired a babysitter instead of entrusting his baby to the least responsible students in the entire school. This whole thing could have been straightened out by everyone not being an idiot. That’s not funny. It’s just annoying.
Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Also, we are eight episodes and Tommy D is still saying things to Scott like, “I’m impressed, kid,” as if he hasn’t known Scott for half of the school year already. And why does it matter if Tommy’s impressed? Tommy doesn’t ever do anything. He’s not a schemer. He just stands around and smiles. I imagine everyone impresses Tommy.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
I’m saved by the bell! …. but for how long?
Episode 1.7 “Homecoming King”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 23rd, 1993)
The big Homecoming dance is coming up and Lindsay has been nominated for Homecoming Queen, just as her mom (Diane Sainte-Marie) was years ago. Lindsay should be excited but her mom has made it clear that she doesn’t want Lindsay going to the dance with Tommy D. In fact, her mom doesn’t want Lindsay dating Tommy D at all. Tommy D is a troublemaker! Lindsay gets so angry that she decides not to go to the dance at all but instead, Tommy D tells her that she has to go to the dance so that she can be crowned as Homecoming Queen. Tommy says that he does screw up a lot. Maybe they should see other people.
(Then his name would be Tommy DD. I swear, does anyone even go to class at this school?)
Uh-oh. It looks like smarmy Chad Westerfield (Jimmy Mardsen) is planning on asking Lindsay to the dance. Scott’s going to have to come up with a scheme to make sure that Chad doesn’t win Homecoming King and that Tommy and Lindsay get back together….
Wait a minute …. who is that playing Chad Westerfield? THAT’S A YOUNG JAMES MARSDEN! Lindsay should definitely go to the dance with Chad Westerfield! Screw Tommy D! Lindsay, your date is here!
This was one of James Marsden’s earliest roles but he already had the looks and the charisma that would make him one of my favorite actors. Even though we’re supposed to hate Chad and there’s a scene where he reveals that he’s just pretending to be nice so that he’ll win the Homecoming King election, James Marsden is still so innately likable that it’s hard not to be disappointed when Scott rigs the election so that Tommy wins as a write-in candidate. (Homecoming Queen is won by Megan, also a write-in candidate. The “nerds” voted for her because she came to the dance with Weasel after Chad ghosted her once he found out Lindsay was available.) Jonathan Angel was likably earnest as Tommy D but sorry, he just can’t compete with James Marsden.
(What type of school allows write-in votes in an election?)
Beyond featuring James Marsden in an early role, this episode is notable as a good example of Saved By The Bell at its most hypocritical. Lindsay’s mother is portrayed as being wrong-headed because she judges Tommy D on his appearance. And yet, we’re supposed to howl with laughter when Scott asks one of the nerdy girls to the dance. (Scott is trying to get the school’s nerds to vote for Tommy.) Saved By The Bell was always been quick to preach tolerance while also encouraging its audience to laugh at anyone who didn’t have the right look. That was especially true during New Class.
Sad to say, this was the only appearance that James Marsden made on Saved By The Bell: The New Class. He was smart enough not to stick around.
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, Zack and Jessie fight over a pointless, ceremonial title.
Episode 1.14 “The Election”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on November 18th, 1989)
This is the episode where Jessie is running unopposed for student body president. When Zack overhears Belding and Mr. Dewey (Patrick Thomas O’Brien) discussing how the new president will win a week-long trip to Washington, D.C., he decides to enter the race. Because, seriously, what California kid doesn’t want to spend a week in one of the most humid cities in America?
Back when reruns of Saved By The Bell were running on every basic cable station, this episode seemed to show up a lot. Rewatching it for this review, the first thing I noticed was that the cast all looked quite a bit younger than they did in last week’s episode. Zack’s voice still hadn’t cracked and Mark-Paul Gosselaar was still overacting in much the same way as he did during Good Morning Miss Bliss. I also noticed that none of the relationships between the characters felt correct. Neither Zack nor Slater appeared to have a crush on Kelly. When Lisa volunteers to be Jessie’s campaign manager, Jessie acts as if she barely knows Lisa. Just as in the Dancing to the Max episode, a lot of emphasis is put on the idea of Zack and Jessie being lifelong friends. I’ve always suspected that the showrunners originally meant for Zack and Jessie to become a couple and this episode seems to lean in that direction. As for this episode, it feels like it was meant to be the first or second episode of the show but, for whatever reason, it didn’t air until halfway through the first season.
Episodes like this always amuse me because, seriously …. it’s just the Student Council! The Student Council has no real power. No one cares about the Student Council or, at least, they didn’t when I went to high school. It’s a ceremonial position. When Jessie talks about wanting to make real change, I was on Zack’s rather cynical side. The Student Council President can’t change anything, Jessie! When Kelly said that she needed time to think about her vote because the winner would “be in charge of the whole school,” I really wanted someone to explain to Kelly that no, the principal and the school board and the school superintendent are in charge of the whole school.
Despite trying to sabotage his own campaign after Belding tells him that the trip has been canceled, Zack is elected by one vote. (Jessie gives Kelly the glare of death because Kelly earlier switched her vote from Jessie to Zack. “I voted for Gilligan,” Kelly assures her.) It turns out that Belding was lying about the trip being canceled but Zack now feels so guilty that he decides to resign as student council president so that Jessie can have the job. Jessie would be student council president for the entirety of her time at Bayside but let’s never forget that she owed it all to Zack.
This episode was dumb but I have to admit that I enjoyed watching it. I guess that’s the power of nostalgia. As soon as I saw Jessie putting up her campaign poster, I felt like I was back in college, looking for an excuse not to study.
One final note: In later episodes, the show’s hairstylists and costuming supervisors sometimes seemed to have it out for Elizabeth Berkley. I assume that was because it was eventually decided that Kelly would be the “pretty one.” Jessie’s hair looks really good in this episode. Good for her.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell: The New Class, which ran on NBC from 1993 to 2o00. The show is currently on Prime.
This week, Scott ruins the school play.
Episode 1.6 “George Washington Kissed Here”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on October 16th, 1993)
Mr. Belding is directing the school play, a tribute to the heroes of the American Revolution. When Scott sees that Lindsay in the play, he decides that he wants her to play Martha Washington while he plays George so that he can kiss her on stage. Scott goes as far as to convince that Mr. Belding that the play should be an “MTV version” of the American Revolution….
Sorry, I just rolled my eyes so hard that I passed out. Okay, I’m back.
Anyway, Tommy D gets so jealous that he takes a role as a messenger, despite feeling that acting is “for dweebs.” Megan is cast as Betsy Ross and Weasel is cast as Ben Franklin. Vicki is also in the cast because she wants to see Scott in tights.
(Audience: whoooo!)
Tommy D is jealous and tries to ruin the play but Megan calls him out backstage and says, “Tommy D stands for Doesn’t Have A Clue.” The audience cheers, even though Tommy D’s name should be Tommy DHAC. Tommy realizes that he’s being a jerk so he apologizes, which leads to Lindsay chasing after him despite the fact that her cue is coming up. So, Vicki steps in and plays Martha even though Lindsay was previously onstage as Martha. Vicki kisses Scott, Tommy D and Lindsay get back together, and everyone applauds Mr. Belding, even though the play sucked.
I hated this episode. As someone who has done high school and community theater, watching these idiots run around backstage ticked me off. Lindsay missed her cue and everyone acted like it was no big deal. No, it’s a huge deal. It was totally unprofessional. Lindsay should have been expelled.
Watching this episode, it occurred to me that Zack Morris could have pulled it off but Scott’s obsession with Lindsay just comes across as being creepy. Zack may have been fixated on Kelly and jealous of Slater but at least Kelly was actually single and interested in him. Lindsay is dating Tommy D and seems pretty happy with him. Scott needs to move on. In fact, wasn’t the audience going “whooooo!” about Scott and Megan just two episodes ago?
Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Saved By The Bell, which ran on NBC from 1989 to 1993. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime and Tubi!
This week, Kelly is irresponsible.
Episode 1.13 “The Babysitters”
(Dir by Don Barnhart, originally aired on December 1st, 1990)
This episode stresses me out.
Kelly’s parents go off on a ski vacation and leave Kelly with the responsibility of taking care of her infant brother. (Really?) When they get stranded at the lodge, Kelly has to bring the baby to school. She asks her idiot friends to help look after him.
Of course, Zack loses the baby. Fortunately, Mr. Belding finds him but still…
Seriously, I hate this episode. I hate that Kelly’s parents are irresponsible enough to abandon their baby so that they can go skiing. I hate that Kelly has to find someone to take care of the baby while she goes to cheerleader practice. I hate that Zack is dumb enough to lose the baby. I hate that no one ever says, “Wow, this whole situation is really messed up.” This is the one episode that I always turned off whenever I came across it on TV.
Through the Shattered Lens 