The TSL Grindhouse: The Survivalist (dir by Sig Shore)


1987’s The Survivalist opens with a mushroom cloud forming over a frozen landscape.

In America, a nervous-looking newscaster announces that someone has set off a nuclear bomb in Siberia.  The bomb was apparently a “suitcase bomb” and it was probably set off by a group of terrorists who figured bombing one of the most desolate and sparsely-populated places on Earth would make their point.  However, the Russians are convinced that America was behind the bomb.  Nuclear war is eminent.

People go into a panic.  Civil disorder breaks out.  Even a small town in South Texas finds itself in the grip of societal collapse.  Fortunately, independent builder Jack Tilman (Steve Railsback) has spent his life preparing for this moment.  He has hundreds of guns and explosives and he’s prepared to take his family into the desert while civilization collapses.  When a desperate neighbor comes back Jack’s house and asks for a gun, Jack gives him a shotgun and then reacts with shocks when his friend reveals that he’s never fired a gun before.  Considering that they live in South Texas, I’m surprised too.

(Seriously, how do they scare off the coyotes?)

Jack leaves his home to get some gasoline for their trip.  While he’s out, he’s harassed by the motorcycle riding Lt. Youngman (Marjoe Gortner).  Youngman is with the National Guard and, apparently, the National Guard has turned into a motorcycle gang.  Youngman is declaring martial law and setting himself up as a warlord.  With his perpetual smirk and his feathered hair, Lt. Youngman epitomizes the arrogance of authority.  Jack has no use for him.  Jack also has no use for anyone who wants to keep him from getting his money out of the bank.  Jack has access to a bulldozer, after all.

Unfortunately, while Jack is arguing with Youngman and smashing into the bank, a group of hippies are breaking into his house and killing his family.  A half-crazed Jack kidnaps two of his friends — Dr. Vincent Ryan (Cliff DeYoung) and his wife, Linda (Susan Blakely) — and he takes them into the desert with him.  When Vincent demands to know why they’ve been kidnapped, Jack says that he’s trying to protect them.  Linda gets it.  Unfortunately, Vincent doesn’t.

Last night, I was searching for some Marjoe Gortner films to review.  I came across The Survivalist on Letterboxed and I also came across some amazingly vitriolic reviews, largely from Leftists who accused the film of being a paranoid right-wing fantasy.  I read those reviews and I thought to myself, “It stars Steve Railsback and Marjoe Gortner and it annoys the commies?  I have to watch this!”  I was able to track the film down on YouTube and I proceeded to spend 90 minutes watching civilization collapse.

Is it a good film?  It depends on how you define good.  It’s a low-budget, unashamedly trashy film that was clearly meant to appeal to people with a very definite worldview, one that the filmmakers may not have shared.  (Most films are made solely to make money and any message that is selected is selected out of the hope that it will be profitable.)  The government is corrupt.  Most of the citizens have become complacent and aren’t prepared to handle any sort of crisis.  When civilization collapses, only men like Jack Tilman and Lt. Youngman will thrive because they’re willing to be ruthless.  To try to rationalize the situation, as Dr. Ryan does, is an often fatal mistake.  In short, The Survivalist is a very paranoid film.  That said, its story and its worldview really isn’t all that different from One Battle After Another.  

I enjoyed The Survivalist, precisely because it is such a shameless film.  This is the type of movie where the National Guard rides motorcycles and blow up random buildings for fun.  It’s the type of film where one gunshot can cause a car to explode.  It’s the type of film where actors like Cliff DeYoung and Susan Blakeley attempt to find some sort of deeper meaning in their awkward dialogue while Steve Railsback does his Clint Eastwood impersonation.  Best of all, it’s got Marjoe Gortner going totally over-the-top as a smug authority figure.  It’s a fun movie, a trashier version of Red Dawn.

What’s not to love?

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.29 “Fountain of Youth/Bad Luck Cabin/Uncle Daddy”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, the sixth season of The Love Boat comes to a close.

Episode 6.29 “Fountain of Youth/Bad Luck Cabin/Uncle Daddy”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on May 7th,1983)

The sixth season of The Love Boat ends on a rather silly note.

A newlywed couple (David Naughton and Lynda Goodfriend) board the ship and a coked-up Julia assigns them to a cabin that is known for being cursed.  Couples who stay in the cabin always break up.  Gopher and Julie try to make sure that the couple doesn’t fall victim to the curse.

Henry Harper (Ted McGinley), who appears to be in his 20s, boards the boat and tells elderly Dwight Schofield (David Wayne) that he’s the same Henry Harper that Dwight went to college with.  Henry claims that he’s discovered the Fountain of Youth!  Actually, this Henry Harper is the grandson of the original Henry Harper and this is all an elaborate scheme to get revenge on Dwight for cheating the first Henry Harper out of an oil well.  Dwight, however, falls for it and tries to buy the Fountain of Youth.  Grandson Henry, meanwhile, falls in love with Dwight’s granddaughter (Michele Tobin) who is all like, “I like you but I can’t be with someone from the Twilight Zone.”  Grandson Henry eventually admits the truth and all is …. forgiven?  Really?

Those two stories were pretty dumb.  Fortunately, the third story was an Isaac story and, as he always did whenever he got a chance in the spotlight, Ted Lange really delivered.  Isaac wants to marry Gayle Davis (Tracy Reed) so he can become the stepfather of Bobby Davis (Shavar Ross).  In the end, Isaac realizes that he doesn’t love Gayle and the marriage wouldn’t work.  It was a pretty simple story but Lange always did such a good job of portraying Isaac’s essential decency that it was hard not to get caught up in whether or not he was actually going to leave the Love Boat crew.  Fortunately, Isaac will still be pouring drinks during season 7.

This is not only the final Love Boat episode of Season 6 but it’s also my final Love Boat episode of 2025.  Retro Television Reviews is taking a break for the holidays so that I can focus on both the Awards Season and Christmas movies.  The Love Boat will return on January 7th, 2026.