The Eric Roberts Collection: Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on January 7, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2013’s Bonnie and Clyde: Justified opens with a long-haired Eric Roberts introducing himself as legendary Texas Ranger Frank Hamer. Speaking straight to the camera, Roberts-as-Hamer warns us against idolizing the notorious Depression-era outlaws Bonnie and Clyde. They were murderers!, Hamer tells us with all the fervor of a tent revival preacher.

We then flashback to Bonnie (Ashley Hayes) and Clyde (Jim Poole) driving down a country road. Clyde is behind the wheel. Bonnie, a redhead like me!, reads aloud her latest poem about what it’s like to be a notorious outlaw. Suddenly, Hamer and his men appear on the roadside and open fire.

We then start yet another flashback. 15 year-old Bonnie marries good-for-nothing Roy (Julian Brand) while Clyde and his brother Buck (Hagen Mills) steal a truck full of turkeys. Jump forward to 1929 and Bonnie is unhappily married and working in a diner that we’re told is in Dallas, Texas. Oddly enough, there’s a lot of mountains in the background. I live in North Texas and I can assure you that, as much as things have changed here over the past few years, one thing has always remained the same. There are no mountains in Dallas County.

Eventually, Bonnie meets Clyde, they fall in love, and they rob banks. At least, that’s what we’re told. The majority of the film is told through sepia-toned still shots and newspaper headlines. Clyde attempts to escape from prison but we don’t actually see him do it. Instead, we just see a headline. Bonnie and Clyde rob banks but, again, we don’t really see it as much as we hear about it. Even when people die during the robberies, we don’t really learn the exact circumstances that led to Clyde opening fire. Ashley Hayes actually gives a good performance as Bonnie and her scrappy interpretation of the character is probably closer to the truth than Faye Dunaway’s. As for Jim Poole, he’s much better-looking than the real Clyde Barrow and that’s a good thing. Who wants to watch an ugly bank robber? There’s a reason why my distant-relation Pretty Boy Floyd remains a legend. As for the title, you may be wondering what exactly was justified about Bonnie and Clyde. You can argue that they were justified in doing what they had to do in order to survive during the Great Depression. Or you can argue that Frank Hamer was justified in ambushing them. Or you can assume the film was trying to appeal to (or perhaps just tricks) fans of the Justified television series. Or you can just not worry about it.

This is the story of Bonnie and Clyde on a budget. It came out in 2013, presumably to coincide with a 4-hour Bonnie and Clyde miniseries that was airing on A&E at the time. To be honest, you have to respect the nerve of a film about Bonnie and Clyde that doesn’t actually feature much of them doing what they were famous for. Cheers to director David DeCoteau for sticking with it and giving Eric Roberts top-billing for a cameo appearance. And cheers to Eric Roberts for just being Eric Roberts.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Lifetime Movie Review: The Wrong Life Coach (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on January 3, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 2024’s The Wrong Life Coach, Morgan Bradley stars as Jordan Roberts, whose popularity as a high school cheerleader did little to prepare her for the pressures of adult life. Her career is going nowhere. Her boss (Vivica A. Fox) does not respect her. Her boyfriend (Hector David, Jr.) is bored with her and their vanilla sex life. Her mother (Tracy Nelson) is living with her and trying to control her life. Jordan needs someone to help her get her life together. She needs a life coach!

(Personally, I’ve never gotten the whole life coach thing but whatever. Apparently, it works for some people.)

A chance meeting with Liz Kimble (Allison McAtee) changes Jordan’s life. Though Jordan doesn’t really remember her, she and Liz went to high school together. And it turns out that Liz is now a life coach! Soon, Liz is encouraging Jordan to take sexy pictures, demand more from her career, and to stand up to her domineering mother!

At first, it all seems perfect. Except …. Liz is not a certified life coach! She’s just repeating a bunch of stuff that she heard from her own life coach, Rhonda (Meredith Thomas). It may sound like the start of a hilarious comedy but it turns out that Liz is a little bit crazy. Liz has never gotten over losing her spot on the cheerleading squad to Jordan and now, she’s determined to get revenge,

In quick order, Jordan loses her job, her relationship with her mother, and nearly her boyfriend as well! Plus, her best friend has gone missing! After Jordan tells Liz to get lost, Liz begins to obsessively stalk Jordan. What Jordan doesn’t know is that Liz has placed hidden cameras all over her house and she’s even hacked into Jordan’s email. Jordan thinks that she’s had a good job interview with Mr. Gordon. (Hey, it’s Eric Roberts!) But remember those lingerie-clad photos that Liz encouraged Jordan to send to her boyfriend? Well, those pictures end up getting sent to Mr. Gordon as well.

“I couldn’t hire you if I wanted to,” Mr. Gordon says. When even Eric Roberts refuses to work with you, you know you’ve asked the wrong person for advice!

“Girl, you listened the wrong life coach.”

She sure did!

I love the Lifetime “Wrong” films. The Wrong Life Coach is a tremendous amount of fun, from Allison McAtee’s over-the-top performance as Liz to the side-eye that Vivica A. Fox gives Jordan every time she makes a mistake. As always, with the “Wrong” films, director David DeCoteau fully embraces the melodrama and creates a film that’s so ludicrous that you can’t help but love it. Any director could make a film about a crazy life coach. But only David DeCoteau has the courage to have that life coach make her diabolical plans while wearing her old high school cheerleader uniform.

Watching this film reminded me of how much I love Lifetime and its demented films. I look forward to reviewing a lot more of them in 2025!

Hopefully, more than a few of them will feature Eric Roberts!

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: Dreamaniac (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on October 8, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

In 1986’s Dreamaniac, Adam (Thomas Bern) is a total dork who lives with his much more popular sister, Pat (Ashlyn Gere). Adam aspires to be a heavy metal superstar and he is very much interested in the occult. He’s been having dreams about being visited by a sultry and mysterious woman named Lily (Sylvia Summers). When he performs a Satanic ritual to summon her for real, Lily offers him anything that he wants. Instead of asking her to turn him into the world’s greatest guitarist or something smart like that, Adam asks to be irresistible to women.

Seriously, Adam, if you were the world’s greatest guitarist, you would be getting laid all the time whether you were irresistible or not. The ugliest guy in the world is still be sexy if he can play guitar. Take a look at the Rolling Stones and its long history of ugly guitar players who all looked good as long as they were playing. Take a look at …. oh, I don’t know. I’m tired and I’m just trying to pad out this review because there’s not much to be said about this movie. Let’s move on.

Anyway, Adam gets his wish but he also has to kill the women so that Lily can take their soul and …. eh, that’s stupid. Like Adam, why would you agree to such a counter-productive agreement? Adam was so desperate to get a girlfriend that he apparently didn’t consider that none of them would really live long enough for him to have a real relationship with them. What an idiot.

After Adam sells his soul or whatever it is that he’s supposed to be doing with Lily, Pat throws a party at the house and a bunch of shallow sorority girls and fraternity boys come over and everyone dies one-by-one, usually right after having sex. No one really notices that everyone at the party is dying but then again, no one in this movie really seems to like anyone else so maybe they just don’t care.

Dreamaniac kind of ticked me off, largely because the title should have been Dream Maniac instead of Dreamaniac. I guess I would have let them even get away with something like Dreammaniac. But Dreamaniac, with only one m, just doesn’t make sense and looking at the word makes my multi-colored eyes tear up. This may sound like a petty complaint but there’s honestly not much to be said about Dreamaniac. It’s one of those low-budget, shot on video horror films where the lighting is often so dark and the soundtrack so muddy that you’re never really sure what’s happening on-screen. I dare anyone to watch this film and seriously try to tell one character a part from another. I had no idea who half the characters were and quite frankly, I didn’t care. This was one of David DeCoteau’s earlier films and it has none of the subversiveness that distinguished DeCoteau’s better efforts. (Considering the harsh tone of this review, I feel like I should point out that DeCoteau has directed some truly entertaining movies. Dreamaniac is certainly not the film that should be used to judge his overall career.)

Of course, today, DeCoteau is best known for directing the “Wrong” films for Lifetime. And really, I think the only thing that could have saved Dreamaniac would have been Vivica A. Fox showing up and saying, “Adam, you picked The Wrong Succubus.”

The Eric Roberts Collection: Wolves of Wall Street (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on October 1, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

2002’s Wolves of Wall Street tells a story of high finance and lycanthropy.

Jeff Allen (William Gregory Lee) dreams of being a rich and successful stockbroker but he runs into a huge problem when he tries to find a job on Wall Street. No one is willing to hire him without experience and he can’t get any experience because no one is willing to hire him. A sympathetic bartender named Annabella (Elisa Donovan) tells him to apply for Wolfe Brothers and she even promises to put in a good word for him. Annabella, as we soon learn, has a very powerful friend at Wolfe Brothers.

Jeff is given an internship with Wolfe Brothers and, after a week, he’s offered a job by the head of the firm, Dyson Keller (Eric Roberts). Jeff not only has his dream job but he’s also convinced the initially reluctant Annabella to date him. However, it soon becomes obvious that there are some strange things going on at Wolfe Brothers. The brokers spend a lot time talking about the importance of working as a “pack” and about how they are all kin now. At the end of the week, they hold wild but ritualized parties with prostitutes and neck biting. Jeff is told that he’s not allowed to have any outside interests. He life now revolves around Wolfe Brothers and that means that everything he has also belongs to his bosses. Afterall, they’re the Alphas….

As you’ve probably already guessed, Jeff is working with a bunch of werewolves!

They’re not your usual werewolves. Though they howl at the moon and enjoy biting strangers and they can pick up on scents and pheromones, they don’t actually seem to turn into wolves. And while I’m sure that the lack of dramatic transformation scenes was probably a budget thing, it actually makes the film all the more effective. It leaves you to wonder if the brokers are really werewolves or if they’re just people who have been brainwashed into accepting the Wolfe Brothers lifestyle. In this film, being a werewolf becomes the equivalent of being in a cult.

Eric Roberts makes for a wonderfully sinister cult leader, though I should note that there is a pretty big twist involving his character that I didn’t see coming. With his smirk of a smile and his friendly but nervous manner, Roberts gives a wonderfully sinister performance and, even with limited screentime, he elevates the entire film. Wolves of Wall Street is a wonderfully pulpy and sordid B-movie and one of director David DeCoteau’s best.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Prey of the Jaguar (1996, directed by David DeCoteau)

Posted on January 3, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

Derek Leigh (Maxwell Caulfield) is a former Special Ops agent whose son and wife are killed by a drug lord (Trevor Goddard) than Leigh helped to put behind bars. Inspired by his dead son’s love of super heroes, Leigh puts on a purple rubber suit and learns karate from Master Yee (John Fujioka) while The Toymaker (Paul Bartel) supplies him with an arsenal of weapons. Calling himself the Jaguar, Leigh goes after the men who killed his family.

Caulfield wears an obviously fake mustache for the first half of the film so that he can shave it off when he becomes The Jaguar. The camera never stops spinning around. Most of the fights look fake and the exterior of Derek’s house changes from shot-to-shot. Stacy Keach plays a high-ranking government official but doesn’t bother to get a haircut or hide his pony tail. Linda Blair plays a cop and sounds like she sucked helium before filming her lines. I’m not sure what she was doing in the movie. She may not have been sure either. Prey of the Jaguar is a reminder of just how cheap and cruddy most super hero films were before Marvel took over Hollywood. Of course, Derek doesn’t really have any super powers, beyond getting proficient at martial arts in record time. He is just wearing the outfit to honor the spirit of his dead son. That actually makes more sense than most of the Marvel origin stories. The movie itself was too cheap to work and the actors were so disinterested that they seemed to actively be trying to make sure that there would never be a Prey of the Jaguar 2.

The most interesting thing about the film are the opening credits, which reveal that this film was executive producer by the Wolf of Wall Street himself, Jordan Belfort.

Shrieker (1998, directed by David DeCoteau)

Posted on October 11, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

Six college students decide to stick it to the man by avoiding pricey dorm living and instead squatting in an abandoned hospital. That makes sense because we all know that college is too damn expensive and that student housing is rip-off. The students may have made a mistake picking the hospital, though. Guess what? That hospital was abandoned for a reason! Years ago, a “shrieking” murderer killed all of the doctors and the nurses. Some say the murderer was a crazed patient while others say it was a monster summoned by Satanists. No sooner has mathematics major Clark (Tanya Dempey) moved into the hospital than everyone starts to hear the sound of shrieks coming from the basement. Not only is there someone else already living in the basement but, somehow, the Shrieker has also been summoned! Once people start dying, the suspicion is directed at Clark because she’s the newest resident. But Clark thinks that, thanks to her skill with numbers and computers, she’s figured out who is actually responsible and how the Shrieker selects its victims. She may have even figured out how to defeat the Shrieker but will she be able to get anyone to listen to her?

From Charles Band’s Full Moon Entertainment, this is one of those low-budget direct-to-video horror films that used to show up on late night Cinemax. Unfortunately, it’s pretty tame, with none of the gore or anything else that we typically associate with Full Moon Entertainment. The Shrieker itself looks good but it’s never around for long and too many of its attacks are just filmed as a sudden close-up of the Shrieker’s face. The characters are all obnoxious but most of them die so it’s not a problem. Alison Cuffe plays the role of the token communist with a lot of relish but it’s hard not to wonder what Linnea Quigley could have done with that role. That would have been something to shriek about.

Creepozoids (1987, directed by David DeCoteau)

Posted on October 6, 2022 by Jedadiah Leland

In 1992, society collapses due to a nuclear war. In 1998, a group of army deserters are looking for a place to hide from the authorities when they come across an underground bunker in Los Angeles. The bunker was once home to a research lab. Even though all of the scientists are dead, the monster that they created is not and soon, the deserters are fighting for their lives, battling not just the monster but also giant rats.

Creepozoids is a low-budget Alien rip-off. It’s actually a little incredible just how closely Creepozoids copies Alien, right down to a monster that can spit acid and a scene where someone has a fatal seizure while eating dinner. The monster itself is not badly realized but the giant rats are obviously just stuffed animals that are being tossed on the cast by crew members standing off-camera. Though the film takes place in what was then the “near future,” it’s an 80s production all the way through. The top secret government lab as a bulky computer that only one of the deserters knows how to use. The secrets to genetic modification are stored on a 8-inch floppy disk. Most 80s and 90s kids will get nostalgic watching this movie.

One of the deserters is played by Linnea Quigley, which is the main reason why Creepozoids retains a cult following. While the rest of the deserters want to search the bunker and look for supplies, Linnea’s main concern is trying out the facility’s shower. (Good news, it works!) Linnea Quigley appeared in many bad films but she always brought a lot of sincerity and good humor to her performances. In Creepozoids she gamely wrestles with a stuffed rat and proves herself to be one of the best screamers of the 80s DTV horror industry. The rest of the cast is interchangeable but, as always, Linnea earns her screen queen crown.

Creepozoids is a lesser imitation of Alien but, seen today, it benefits from nostalgia. I can still remember Creepozoids showing up on Cinemax, late at night and with a warning that the movie featured not only adult language but also nudity and violence. (Was anyone ever dissuaded by the Cinemax content warnings?) This is one of the B-movies that made being an 90s kid fun!

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Blind Date (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on February 26, 2022 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Looks like he was the wrong blind date!”

You tell them, Vivica A. Fox!

The Wrong Blind Date is the latest of the Lifetime “Wrong” films. Like all of the “Wrong” films, it was directed by David DeCoteau and it features Vivica A. Fox delivering the film’s title. It may seem somewhat silly to those who don’t regularly watch these films but, if you’re a fan of the “Wrong” series, you will literally sit through just about anything just for the chance to hear Vivica A. Fox say the movie’s name. The film’s realize this too. Lifetime films, at their best, are very self-aware. None are as self-aware as the “Wrong” films.

In this one, Fox has a supporting role. She plays Beth, who works as a therapist. One of her patients is Laura (Meredith Thomas). Laura has got a lot to deal with. Her daughter, Hannah (Sofia Masson), has just started going to college and is dating Noah (Rainer Dawn). Laura and her friend, Angela (Lesli Kay), are trying to launch their own design firm. Laura is also in the process of getting a divorce from her husband, an abusive ex-cop named Michael (Clark Moore). Michael is controlling and temperamental and he’s also determined to convince Laura not to go through with the divorce.

When Laura puts her profile on a dating website, she’s shocked by the number of replies that she gets. One of those replies is from Kevin (Matthew Pohlkamp). Kevin is handsome and charming and he lives in Beverly Hills. He lists his job as investment banking. Kevin has money and he’s so interested in Laura that he even finds a way to contact her after she deletes her dating profile! At first, Laura thinks that Kevin’s behavior is a little stalkerish but then she agrees to go on one date with him. And that one date leads to another and then another and then….

But wait a minute! This is a Lifetime film! Even more importantly, this is a “Wrong” film. Those of us who have spent years viewing these movies know better than to trust any perfect man who claims to be wealthy. Laura may not realize that there’s obviously something sinister about Kevin but we do! Unfortunately, Laura is so used to her husband acting like a jerk that she’s overly impressed when Kevin does things like refuse to pick a fight with an obnoxious drunk. It’s only after Laura leaves that Kevin returns to the bar and beats the man up.

Yes, Kevin has some problems. He’s the wrong blind date. And it soon becomes apparent that he’s lying about who he is, where he lives, and what he even does for a living. It’s not a spoiler to tell you that Michael has hired Kevin to fool his wife, all as a part of a rather silly plan to convince Laura to take him back. But when Kevin starts to become obsessed with Laura, not even Michael can stand in his way.

These films are predictable but fun. We all know better than to trust Kevin but that doesn’t make it any less enjoyable to watch as Hannah vainly tries to convince her mother that she needs to do a little more research into her new boyfriend’s background. And, of course, there’s the murders. There’s always a murder or two in a Lifetime film. Mereidth Thomas and Sofia Masson are convincing as mother and daughter and Matthew Pohlkamp is credible whether being charming or unhinged. And, of course, Vivica A. Fox says the name of the movie. It’s Lifetime, what’s not to enjoy?

Cleaning Out The DVR: The Wrong Cheer Captain (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on September 27, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“She definitely picked the wrong cheer captain,” Carol (Vivica A. Fox) says toward the end of Lifetime’s The Wrong Cheer Captain and what else can I say but, “Damn right!”

Seriously, Anna (Sofia Masson) may be a good cheerleader and she may have a lot of experience and she may have even been recruited to go to her new high school so that she could be a member of the cheerleading squad but she definitely should not have been named captain. Not only is Anna failing her classes and vaping on school grounds but she also has a bad habit of murdering people! Of course, Anna only commits murder because a past trauma and because she wants so badly to succeed as a cheerleader but still, murdering is definitely not a good habit. I mean, if the school has a no vaping policy, I can only imagine what their policy on murder would be!

Perhaps a better pick for cheer captain would have been Carol’s daughter, Kate (Alexis Salmon). Of course, Kate is actually pretty busy trying to prove that Anna murdered her best friend so it’s not like Kate doesn’t already have a lot to deal with. Oddly enough, even though the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that Anna is murderer, Kate can’t get anyone to listen to her. The principal is skeptical. The cheerleading coach just wants to win competitions. And Kate’s mother keeps trying to blame everything on drugs. She even orders Kate not to hang out with her boyfriend because of his past use of steroids….

Wow, there’s a lot going on at this high school! Who knew that the world of high school cheerleading was so ruthless?

Well, everyone. Everyone knows that high school cheerleading is perhaps the most dangerous activity that someone can involve themselves with, especially if they’re starring in a Lifetime film. And if you’re in a Lifetime film that has the word “Wrong” in the title, it’s even more dangerous! I’ve lost track of how many Wrong films David DeCoteau has directed by Lifetime but it certainly does seem like a lot of them feature cheerleaders. They also all feature Vivica A. Fox, usually playing a no-nonsense authority figure and ending the film by using the title as a way to sum things up. “It looks like you hired the Wrong Landscaper,” Vivica will say and, even though you didn’t actually do the hiring and he was instead only sent by an agency, you nod and agree because you know better than to openly disagree with Vivica A. Fox. Instead, you face the truth and admit that, even if it doesn’t seem that way, you were still somehow wrong.

The Wrong films have become a bit of a Lifetime mainstay, loved for their campy melodrama, their Canadian locations, and, of course, Vivica A. Fox. The Wrong Cheer Captain has a lot in common with the other Wrong films but then again, that’s part of the appeal of these films. They’re like comfort food. You watch them because of their comforting familiarity and because you know exactly what you’re going to get. The Wrong Cheer Captain delivers exactly what it promises, cheerleader mayhem and plenty of different takes on the term “wrong.” Who could possibly complain about that?

Lifetime Film Review: The Wrong Prince Charming (dir by David DeCoteau)

Posted on March 31, 2021 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“It looks like you found the wrong prince charming!” Vivica A. Fox says towards the end of The Wrong Prince Charming.

I’ll admit that I cheered a little when Vivica said the line. If you know anything about Lifetime’s “Wrong” franchise, you know that Vivica A. Fox always plays a sympathetic authority figure who, at some point, says something along the lines of “Looks like he was the Wrong Poolboy” or “He messed with The Wrong Administrative Assistant.” One of the main reasons why people like me look forward to seeing the latest “Wrong” films is to see just how exactly the title is going to be worked into Vivica’s dialogue.

Make no doubt about it, there’s been a lot of “Wrong” films. We’ve had wrong blind dates, wrong tutors, wrong cheerleader coaches, wrong teachers, wrong real estate agents, wrong motel owners, wrong boyfriends, wrong girlfriends, and wrong houseguests. It only makes sense that we would eventually have a wrong Prince Charming.

The title character would be Prince Edward (James Nitti), who claims to be royalty but who, we learn fairly early on, is actually just a con artist who works with his assistant Liam (Jonathan Stoddard) to defraud people and corporations out of their money. Edward may be a charmer but he’s also a charlatan who is not above murdering anyone who he feels might be getting too close to the truth. That’s what greed does to people. That’s bad news for Anna (Cristine Prosperi), who is Edward’s latest target. Anna is an attorney. Among her clients is Bridget (Vivica A. Fox). After watching enough of the “Wrong” films, you really do find yourself wondering if maybe Vivica A. Fox is supposed to be playing the same character in every one of them. Maybe she just changes her name frequently as she travels across Canada and gets involved in thwarting the schemes of the wrong people. It would certainly explain a lot about the Wrong Cinematic Universe.

The thing with Lifetime’s “Wrong” films is that you either get them or you don’t. On the one hand, they’re pure melodrama. On the other hand, they’re also self-aware enough to poke fun at themselves. They’re not meant to be taken seriously, Instead, they’re diverting treats that are designed to keep the audience amused while they wait to hear Vivica pronounce someone to be “the wrong whatever.” They’re designed to be fun and usually, they are. The Wrong Prince Charming, for instance, has fun with the fact that everyone in the audience knows that anyone who claims to be a member of a royal family is probably lying to you. I’ve seen enough emails from enough financially burdened royals to know better than to trust anyone who claims to be a prince. When it comes to The Wrong Prince Charming, a good deal of the fun is to be found in catching all of Edward’s mistakes, all of the little moments when he accidentally lets his cover slip and reveals that he’s just some random commoner with a nice smile.

This is Cristine Prosperi’s 3rd wrong film She was also in The Wrong Cheerleader (“He messed with the wrong cheerleader!”) and The Wrong Neighbor. She’s also appeared in a handful of other recent Lifetime films, including Killer Competition and Murdered At 17. Before that, she played Imogen, the quirky stalker, on the final few seasons of Degrassi. Prosperi always does a good job in these films and the same is true here. She’s a sympathetic lead, even though it’s obvious from the start that she’s picked the wrong prince charming.

The Wrong Prince Charming is silly and fun, the type of movie that’s pretty much made to be watched with a snarky friend. I’m definitely looking forward to the next wrong film!