Chris Young – Through the Shattered Lens

The Warlock is back!

Or, at least, Julian Sands is back and he’s once again playing someone who is in league with the Devil. The first sequel to Warlock reimagines the character as being the literal son of Satan. Every millennium, Warlock is reborn and sets about trying to find the six stones that, when put together, will allow him to set his father free from Hell. The druids used to do a pretty good job of keeping the Warlock from finding the stones, but eventually they all died out. When Warlock is reborn in 1993, it falls to Kenny Tavis (Chris Young) and Samantha Ellison (Paula Marshall), as the two youngest Druid descendants, to stop him. Unfortunately, neither Kenny nor Samantha knows much about their heritage. Kenny is murdered by his own father, but it’s just so Kenny can be resurrected as a Druid warrior. Kenny uses a baseball to train with, making this one of the least likely baseball movies of the past 30 years.

Warlock: The Armageddon looks and feels like a rush job, complete with CGI that looks bad even for the 90s. Julian Sands is the only person who returns from the surprisingly entertaining first film, and he’s really the only reason to watch the sequel. The Warlock is much more quippy in the sequel, and the kill scenes are more elaborate. (Just watch as Julian Sands uses a finger gun to take out his enemies.) But the only scene that’s really stays with you is the messy moment when the Warlock is reborn and quickly grows up. The movie suffers because the Warlock doesn’t have a worthy opponent. Chris Young may have been good in PCU, but he’s still no Richard E. Grant. Julian Sands is the only member of the cast to deliver his lines with any relish, probably because he was getting paid the most money to appear in the film.

Watching the movie, I was mostly confused as to why the six stones existed in the first place. If Satan’s already locked up, why not throw away the key instead of expecting a bunch of druids to look after it?

The Warlock would return for a third movie. Julian Sands would not.

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1988’s Dance ‘Til Dawn! It can be viewed on YouTube.

It’s prom time and the seniors at Herbert Hoover High School are excited! Patrice Johnson (Christina Applegate) is especially excited because not only did she organize the prom but she’s also the leading contender to be elected prom queen. She’s looking forward to having a wonderful night with her boyfriend, Roger (Matthew Perry).

Patrice is especially excited because her only real competition for prom queen, Shelley (Alyssa Milano), has broken up with her jock boyfriend, Kevin (Brian Bloom). Shelley has declared that she will instead be attending a very mature and very fun college fraternity party. Meanwhile, Kevin will be attending prom but he will be coming with Angela (Tracey Gold), who has a reputation for being a bit nerdy. Kevin only asked Angela to prom because he was under the false impression that she’s easy but he soon finds himself falling for her for real.

Meanwhile, Shelley doesn’t really have a party to attend. Instead, she decides to spend prom night avoiding her friends and watching an old movie at the town’s movie theater. Shelley is convinced that no one from school will be at the theater. Instead, she runs into nerdy Dan (Chris Young), who also came to the theater because he didn’t have a prom date. Dan and Shelley end up having a fun time hanging out together.

While this is going on, all of the parents are having dramas of their own. Patrice’s embarrassing parents (Cliff de Young and Mary Frann) relive their own youth. Dan’s father (Alan Thicke) is convinced that Dan is not only the most popular kid at school but that Dan is also having a wonderful prom. And Angela’s parents (Edie McClurg and Kelsey Grammer) are so paranoid about the idea of Kevin trying to sleep with their daughter that they actually sneak into the prom to try to keep them from getting too close. Of course, they are mistaken for waiters and are immediately put to work.

I watched this two weeks ago, when I was still struggling to process the shock of Matthew Perry’s passing. Unfortunately, Matthew Perry is not in much of the film and it’s not really until the end of the film that he really gets a chance to show any of the sardonic wit for which he was best known. That said, Christina Applegate appears to be having fun as the snooty mean girl and she and Perry do make for a cute couple. Actually, all of the couples in the film are cute, with Alyssa Milano and Chris Young especially making for an adorable couple. This is a pleasant and, for many, nostalgic diversion, as long as you’re willing to accept that there is absolutely nothing go on beneath the film’s slick and occasionally colorful surface. The humor is broad, the messages are obvious, and, as always, it’s amusing to watch Kelsey Grammer running around in a panic.

Dance Til Dawn doesn’t really bring anything new to the high school genre but it’s still worthy of the name of Herbert Hoover.