Radioactive Isaac”

Posted on December 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Isaac has a problem! Oh no! Who will man the bar?

Episode 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 28th, 1981)

Oh no! Isaac’s radioactive!

Well, no, not in the way that you might be thinking. Before leaving on this week’s cruise, Isaac had some dental work done and his new fillings can pick up radio stations. The only real problem with that is that Isaac likes a passenger named Patty Phelps (Berlinda Tolbert) and Patty likes him, except for when his teeth start playing music. It leads Patty to suspect that Isaac is just pulling a big prank on her and she doesn’t have any patience for that nonsense. Especially when there’s another handsome single man on board (played by Darrow Igus) whose teeth do not pick up radio stations. Is Isaac willing to sacrifice his fillings for love?

Meanwhile, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara play …. well, they might as well just be playing Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. I’ve seen Jerry and Anne on a few of these shows and they always play the same two characters regardless of what their characters may be named. In this case, Jerry and Anne want to renew their wedding vows on the Love Boat. Captain Stubing is happy to oblige but Anne decides that she doesn’t want to vow to “obey’ her husband. Jerry and Anne get into a fight and it looks like the marriage might be over! However, things work out in the end. They renew their vows and then Anne starts bossing Jerry around. It was a pretty simple story but Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were so likable together that it didnt matter. I was happy they stayed together.

Finally, Agnes (Audra Lindley) and Gladys (Marion Ross) are two sisters who are taking a cruise together. Agnes meets and falls for Henry Whitewood (Bernard Fox), who is a genuine English earl! Gladys doesn’t want to lose Agnes and tells Henry that Agnes doesn’t have much money. It turns out that Henry doesn’t have a lot of money either. But he’s willing to sell what little land he does have so that he can refurbish the manor and invite Agnes to be his wife. Awwww! And don’t worry about Gladys. She realizes that the most important thing is that her sister’s happy.

This cruise was a bit on the forgettable side. After last week’s two-hour extravaganza, this week’s episode was rather low-key and almost mild-mannered. It was pleasant without being particularly memorable. I think we’ve all had vacations like that!

Speaking of vacations, the holidays are approaching so this is going to be final Love Boat review of 2024. My reviews will resume on January 1st!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

Posted on June 6, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, season 2 comes to a close as we take another trip to the other side of the island!

Episode 2.25 “Amusement Park/Rock Stars”

(Dir by Cliff Bole, originally aired on May 13th, 1979)

Oh crap, it’s another Fantasy Island Sunday Special!

Apparently, in 1979, Aaron Spelling wanted to do a Fantasy Island spin-off for children, one that would have aired on Sunday nights. The spin-off would have taken place on “the other side of the Island,” which was apparently designed to be very family-friendly. The previous Sunday Special featured Kimberly Beck as Mr. Roarke’s assistant on the other side of the island. In the second Sunday Special, Kimberly Beck is nowhere to be seen and the hosting duties are handled by Roarke and Tattoo.

As usual, Tattoo starts the episode by revealing his latest scheme. He’s read a book on Sherlock Holmes and has decided that he wants to be a master of disguise. He begins the show by disguising himself as Sherlock Holmes.

Later, he sneaks into Mr. Roarke’s office while disguised as a one-eyed, hook-handed pirate.

By the end of the episode, Tattoo has been reduced to dressing up like a chicken.

Mr. Roarke sees through all the disguises and, as usual, he comes across as being more annoyed than amused by his assistant. It’s often been said that Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize could not stand working together on Fantasy Island and, having spent nearly a year watching this show, I can say that it’s pretty obvious that was the case. Even while trading jokes, there’s an undercurrent of hostility to all of their interactions.

But what about the fantasies? Well, they’re a bit childish but let’s get to them. As with the previous Sunday Special, the children arrive via hot air balloon. No, Tattoo does not yell, “The balloon! The balloon!” In fact, the whole thing with the balloon seems to be silly and incredibly impractical. I mean, where is the balloon taking off from?

Departing from the balloon are the Collins Family. Robbie (Scott Baio), Willie (Jimmy Baio), Scooter (Keith Coogan), and Jodie (Jill Whelan) have come to the Island because Robbie has a fantasy about all of them becoming rock stars. Upon arrival, Mr. Roarke tells them that he has already taken the demo that they sent him and turned it into an album. They’re a big hit in the UK and on Fantasy Island. But can they impress the American record executive that Mr. Roarke has invited to hear them?

It’s going to be difficult because, as Robbie discovers, the album features a remastered version of their demo, one that makes them sound like better musicians than they actually are. Robbie panics. “How are we going to sound like that?” Mr. Roarke tells them to figure it out. Robbie’s solution is to just lip-sync to the album.

Now, to be honest, this seems like not only a practical solution but it’s also what a lot of bands do in real life. But Mr. Roarke is scandalized to discover that the kids paid Tattoo ten dollars to play the album back stage while they pretended to perform. Robbie’s conscience gets the better of him and he confesses his crime to the record exec. The record exec doesn’t care. He hires the kids on a songwriters, because who wouldn’t want a bunch of pre-teen songwriters on the payroll?

However, the Collins Family has another problem. It turns out that they’re runaways! After their parents were lost at sea, the Collins kids were sent to four different orphanages. The kids escaped to Fantasy Island but now, Mrs. Ridges (Joanna Barnes) has come to the Island and is planning on taking the kids back. Fortunately, Mr. Roarke explains that he is the ruler of Fantasy Island and that the law doesn’t apply in his domain. Even more fortunately, a telegram suddenly arrives, informing the kids that their parents did not drown but instead washed up on an isolated beach in Mexico. Their parents have been rescued and the kids are no longer wards of the state! Yay!

(That’s some incredible Dues ex Machina there, no?)

While this is going on, Darius (Jarrod Johnson) wants to run the Fantasy Island Amusement Park.

Wait …. Fantasy Island has an amusement park?

Yep, and it’s kind of a dump. Seriously, the park looks like it reeks of spilled beer, stale weed, and lost dreams. It’s a true nightmare alley.

Darius’s main reason for wanting to run the park is so he can give his dad, motorcycle stunt driver The Great Scott (Ted Lange), a job. The Great Scott is hired to jump over the Fantasy Island lagoon but, when he sees Darius nearly fall off the Ferris wheel, he realizes that it’s more important to be there for his son than to risk his life. (That said, The Great Scott does risk his life by climbing up the Ferris wheel to save Darius.) Mr. Roarke then offers The Great Scott a new job, as the manager of the amusement park. Of course, I watched this whole fantasy thinking to myself that The Great Scott already had a great job, working as a bartender on the Love Boat.

That said, let’s give some credit to Ted Lange, who actually gives a pretty emotional and kind of touching performance as The Great Scott. Lange may be best known for playing Isaac but he’s also a graduate of London’s Royal Academy and I’ve heard that he was a wonderful Othello on stage. My point is that, even if he is best known for the way he would point at people while serving drinks, Ted Lange can act and this episode certainly proves that.

Overall, this episode was clearly meant to appeal to kids and, as a result, it felt a bit childish. This was not only the last episode of season 2 but it was also the last of the Sunday Specials and that’s probably a good thing.

Next week, we start season 3!

Lisa Reviews An Oscar Nominee: The Longest Day (dir by Ken Annakin, Andrew Marton, Bernhard Wicki, Gerd Oswald, and Darryl F. Zanuck)

Posted on June 6, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As my sister has already pointed out, today is the 73rd anniversary of D-Day. With that in mind, and as a part of my ongoing mission to see and review every single film ever nominated for best picture, I decided to watch the 1962 film, The Longest Day!

The Longest Day is a pain-staking and meticulous recreation of invasion of Normandy, much of it filmed on location. It was reportedly something of a dream project for the head of the 20th Century Fox, Darryl F. Zanuck. Zanuck set out to make both the ultimate tribute to the Allied forces and the greatest war movie ever. Based on a best seller, The Longest Day has five credited screenwriters and three credited directors. (Ken Annakin was credited with “British and French exteriors,” Andrew Marton did “American exteriors,” and the German scenes were credited to Bernhard Wicki. Oddly, Gerd Oswald was not credited for his work on the parachuting scenes, even though those were some of the strongest scenes in the film.) Even though he was not credited as either a screenwriter or a director, it is generally agreed that the film ultimately reflected the vision of Darryl F. Zanuck. Zanuck not only rewrote the script but he also directed a few scenes as well. The film had a budget of 7.75 million dollars, which was a huge amount in 1962. (Until Steven Spielberg’s Schindler’s List, The Longest Day was the most expensive black-and-white film ever made.) Not only did the film tell an epic story, but it also had an epic length. Clocking in at 3 hours, The Longest Day was also one of the longest movies to ever be nominated for best picture.

The Longest Day also had an epic cast. Zanuck assembled an all-star cast for his recreation of D-Day. If you’re like me and you love watching old movies on TCM, you’ll see a lot of familiar faces go rushing by during the course of The Longest Day. American generals were played by actors like Robert Mitchum, Robert Ryan, Henry Fonda, and John Wayne. Peter Lawford, then the brother-in-law of the President of the United States, had a memorable role as the Scottish Lord Lovat, who marched through D-Day to the sounds of bagpipes. When the Allied troops storm the beach, everyone from Roddy McDowall to Sal Mineo to Robert Wagner to singer Paul Anka can be seen dodging bullets. Sean Connery pops up, speaking in his Scottish accent and providing comic relief. When a group of paratroopers parachute into an occupied village, comedian Red Buttons ends up hanging from the steeple of a church. When Richard Beymer (who is currently playing Ben Horne on Twin Peaks) gets separated from his squad, he stumbles across Richard Burton. Among those representing the French are Arletty and Christian Marquand. (Ironically, after World War II, Arletty was convicted of collaborating with the Germans and spent 18 months under house arrest. Her crime was having a romantic relationship with a German soldier. It is said that, in response to the charges, Arletty said, “My heart is French but my ass is international.”) Meanwhile, among the Germans, one can find three future Bond villains: Gert Frobe, Curt Jurgens, and Walter Gotell.

It’s a big film and, to be honest, it’s too big. It’s hard to keep track of everyone and, even though the battle scenes are probably about an intense as one could get away with in 1962 (though it’s nowhere near as effective as the famous opening of Saving Private Ryan, I still felt bad when Jeffrey Hunter and Eddie Albert were gunned down), their effectiveness is compromised by the film’s all-star approach. Often times, the action threatens to come to a halt so that everyone can get their close-up. Unfortunately, most of those famous faces don’t really get much of a chance to make an impression. Even as the battle rages, you keep getting distracted by questions like, “Was that guy famous or was he just an extra?”

Among the big stars, most of them play to their personas. John Wayne, for instance, may have been cast as General Benjamin Vandervoort but there’s never any doubt that he’s playing John Wayne. When he tells his troops to “send them to Hell,” it’s not Vandervoort giving orders. It’s John Wayne representing America. Henry Fonda may be identified as being General Theodore Roosevelt II but, ultimately, you react to him because he’s Henry Fonda, a symbol of middle-American decency. Neither Wayne nor Fonda gives a bad performance but you never forget that you’re watching Fonda and Wayne.

Throughout this huge film, there are bits and pieces that work so well that you wish the film had just concentrated on them as opposed to trying to tell every single story that occurred during D-Day. I liked Robert Mitchum as a tough but caring general who, in the midst of battle, gives a speech that inspires his troops to keep fighting. The scenes of Peter Lawford marching with a bagpiper at his side were nicely surreal. Finally, there’s Richard Beymer, wandering around the French countryside and going through the entire day without firing his gun once. Beymer gets the best line of the film when he says, “I wonder if we won.” It’s such a modest line but it’s probably the most powerful line in the film. I wish The Longest Day had more scenes like that.

The Longest Day was nominated for best picture of 1962 but it lost to an even longer film, Lawrence of Arabia.