We, The Jury”

Posted on November 19, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

The Love Boat promises something for everyone!

Episode 6.26 “The Professor Has Class/When The Magic Disappears/We, The Jury”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on April 2nd, 1983)

I sent a message to my friend Jason, letting him know about this week’s episode of The Love Boat.

“This week’s episode featured a Van Patten and a Van Dyke!” I wrote.

He wrote back, “Two Dicks?”

“No, one Dick and a Barry.”

Dick Van Patten plays The Great Stellini. He’s upset that his daughter (Mary-Margaret Humes) wants to marry Joey Gardiner (Barry Van Dyke), a novice magician. The Great Stellini thinks that Joey wants to steal all of his tricks. His daughter teaches Stellini a lesson by actually disappearing during their stage show. Stellini is humiliated but he learns an important lesson about letting go and also supporting younger magicians.

Meanwhile, Anne Meara played Jerry Stiller’s former landlady. Anne was using Jerry for damaging her property. Gopher decided that a jury made up of the crew should decide the case. Huh? Why? That makes no sense. But you know what? Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller were so cute together that it didn’t really matter.

Finally, a 91 year-old professor (Sam Jaffe) was upset to discover that one of his former students (Bettye Ackerman) was going to replace him. Luckily, everyone fell in love. Sam Jaffe was one of the great character actors and it was kind of nice to see him on this show, acting opposite his wife, Bettye Ackerman. This was Jaffe’s final performance and he had a twinkle in his eye. He seemed to be having fun.

This was a pleasant cruise!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

Posted on December 11, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Isaac has a problem! Oh no! Who will man the bar?

Episode 5.10 “Love, Honor and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac”

(Dir by Robert Scheerer, originally aired on November 28th, 1981)

Oh no! Isaac’s radioactive!

Well, no, not in the way that you might be thinking. Before leaving on this week’s cruise, Isaac had some dental work done and his new fillings can pick up radio stations. The only real problem with that is that Isaac likes a passenger named Patty Phelps (Berlinda Tolbert) and Patty likes him, except for when his teeth start playing music. It leads Patty to suspect that Isaac is just pulling a big prank on her and she doesn’t have any patience for that nonsense. Especially when there’s another handsome single man on board (played by Darrow Igus) whose teeth do not pick up radio stations. Is Isaac willing to sacrifice his fillings for love?

Meanwhile, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara play …. well, they might as well just be playing Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara. I’ve seen Jerry and Anne on a few of these shows and they always play the same two characters regardless of what their characters may be named. In this case, Jerry and Anne want to renew their wedding vows on the Love Boat. Captain Stubing is happy to oblige but Anne decides that she doesn’t want to vow to “obey’ her husband. Jerry and Anne get into a fight and it looks like the marriage might be over! However, things work out in the end. They renew their vows and then Anne starts bossing Jerry around. It was a pretty simple story but Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were so likable together that it didnt matter. I was happy they stayed together.

Finally, Agnes (Audra Lindley) and Gladys (Marion Ross) are two sisters who are taking a cruise together. Agnes meets and falls for Henry Whitewood (Bernard Fox), who is a genuine English earl! Gladys doesn’t want to lose Agnes and tells Henry that Agnes doesn’t have much money. It turns out that Henry doesn’t have a lot of money either. But he’s willing to sell what little land he does have so that he can refurbish the manor and invite Agnes to be his wife. Awwww! And don’t worry about Gladys. She realizes that the most important thing is that her sister’s happy.

This cruise was a bit on the forgettable side. After last week’s two-hour extravaganza, this week’s episode was rather low-key and almost mild-mannered. It was pleasant without being particularly memorable. I think we’ve all had vacations like that!

Speaking of vacations, the holidays are approaching so this is going to be final Love Boat review of 2024. My reviews will resume on January 1st!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.17 “One Wolf’s Family”

Posted on October 9, 2024 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Jerry Stiller is a werewolf!

Episode 2.17 “One Wolf’s Family”

(Dir by Alex Zamm, originally aired on February 11th, 1990)

In this rather heavy-handed episode of Monsters, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara star as Victor and Greta, two immigrants who have built a successful life for themselves in America. Victor is very proud of his heritage and his success. He’s even more proud of the fact that he and Greta are pure-bred werewolves. He expects his daughter, Anya (Amy Stiller), to marry a purebred werewolf.

(Ben was apparently busy when they shot this episode.)

So, how will Victor react when he discovers that Amy’s fiancé, Stanley (Robert Clohessy), is a were-hyena!?

*sigh*

Okay, I will give some credit here. The scene where Victor meets Stanley and they all gather around the kitchen table for dinner does have some funny moments. Stanley, being a hyena in human form, cannot stop laughing, even when he’s being insulted. And when Jerry Stiller launches into a rant about how no daughter of his is going to hang out on the roadside and eat trash, I did laugh. This was largely due to Jerry Stiller’s delivery of the line. Jerry Stiller was always funny whenever he started to rant.

Otherwise, this episode was pretty disappointing. There’s a subplot about a nosey neighbor named Agnes (Karen Shallo). Agnes is upset to discover that her neighbors are werewolves that keep dead bodies in their refrigerator so that they’ll have something to snack on. “It’s bad enough that they’re immigrants!” Agnes says. And yes, I get it. Agnes is supposed to be a small-minded suburbanite who doesn’t understand that America is a country of immigrants and all the rest. The problem is that, regardless of how Agnes feels about immigrants, she has every right to be concerned about living next door to a werewolf who keeps a dead body in his refrigerator. When she sees Victor eating a foot, it totally makes sense that she would be upset about it. The show’s satire would have worked if Agnes’s sole objection to them had been that they were immigrants. (It would have been even funnier if Agnes has absolutely no problem living next door to werewolves as long as they were born in America.) But by making them werewolves and having Agnes be upset by the fact that they were werewolves, the show instead suggests that Agnes might have a point.

Not that it matters. Stanley turns into a hyena and rips off Agnes’s head and brings it to Victor and Greta as a gift. Stanley is accepted into the family while Jerry Stiller howls a the moon.

Political satire is always hit-and-miss and this episode was definitely a mess. It’s a shame because Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were definitely funny people. (If you’ve ever seen the documentary Have A Good Trip, there’s a scene where Ben Stiller tells a story about accidentally taking several tabs of LSD in college and, in a panic, calling his father for help. “I know what you’re going through,” Jerry told him, “I once smoked an entire Pall Mall cigarette.” “My father was Jerry Stiller, not Jerry Rubin,” Ben explains.) This is one of those episodes that I was really hoping would be good but it just didn’t work.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.26 “April’s Return/Super Mom/I’ll See You Again”

Posted on August 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week’s cruise features Cyd Charisse!

Episode 2.26 “April’s Return/Super Mom/I’ll See You Again”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on May 5th, 1979)

This episode’s writers would want us to believe that the most important thing that happens during this cruise is that April Lopez (played by Charo) returns to the ship. During the first season, April was introduced as a stowaway who managed to charm the entire crew despite traveling illegally. With the help of Captain Stubing, April has gone on to become the cruise line’s most popular entertainer and this week, she’s returns to the Love Boat!

The crew is super-excited because April is such a vivacious force of energy. Or, at least, she was. When she shows up on the boat, she seems to be feeling a bit down. As she explains it to Julie, April has discovered that show business is not all that it’s cracked up to be and that it’s full of lecherous men. (Shocker!) April has decided that she would rather be a cruise director. Julie agrees to show April what the job entails and …. well, it turns out that Julie actually has a pretty easy job. She just goes to Acapulco Lounge at night, spots people who are alone or shy, and offers to dance with them. I do that on a regular basis. I should be a cruise director.

Anyway, April eventually realizes that she makes people happy by performing. Charo was a popular guest star on The Love Boat and, unlike a lot of other actors who appeared in multiple episodes, she always played April. (In this episode, she sings the show’s theme song.) In many ways, Charo was the epitome of The Love Boat, in that her act was meant to be both sexy and old-fashioned at the same time. The Love Boat was a show where everyone on the boat was constantly looking to get laid but the camera still cut away as soon as the cabin door closed and it was understood that sex on the boat would always lead to marriage on dry land. It was a show with the customs of the 70s and the morals of the 50s.

The episode spends a lot of time on April’s search for happiness. Personally, I was more excited by the fact that Cyd Charisse was on the boat. Cyd Charisse is one of my favorite dancers of all time and was one of my personal role models when I was younger. From the minute that Charisse boards the boat, the cameras are focused on her legs, which were just as spectacular as they were 20 years earlier in Singin’ In The Rain and Silk Stockings. Charisse plays Eve Mills, a former USO entertainer who, by an amazing coincidence, happens to be on the same cruise as the man that she fell in love with during World War II, Frank Pearse (Craig Stevens). By another amazing coincidence, Frank just happens to be an old friend of Captain Stubing’s!

Anyway, Frank and Eve recognize each other and they eventually work up the courage to approach each other. Eve thought Frank was killed in the war. Frank thought that Eve ignored all the letters that he sent her while he was recovering from being wounded in action. (It turns out the letters were never mailed because Frank’s nurse was in love with him.) Frank is still in love with Eve but he sees that she’s accompanied by a handsome young Frenchman named Francois (Stephen Schnetzer). Eve reveals to Frank that Francois is not her boyfriend. Instead, Francois is her son! And guess who Francois’s father is? (Really, the fact that he was named Francois should have given it away.)

Finally, Bud (Jerry Stiller) and Margaret (Anne Meara) are on their second honeymoon but, unfortunately, they’ve had to bring along their four bratty kids (one whom is played by a very young Corey Feldman). Bud wants to have a good time. Margaret keeps worrying about the kids. Bud gets a dance lesson from April, which leads to Margaret getting jealous. Don’t worry, they work it out. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were adorable together but this story was stressful for me to watch, just because the kids were so hyperactive and never stopped running around. Still, the image of Charo teaching Jerry Stiller how to dance feels like it should be enshrined in a museum devoted to the 1970s.

This episode seemed to exist because the show’s producers really liked Charo and it’s hard not to feel that the rest of episode’s storylines were just treated as being afterthoughts. That said, I enjoyed the Cyd Charisse/Craig Stevens story. Stevens was stiff and dull but Cyd Charisse was Cyd Charisse and that’s all that really matters!

Halloween Film Review: Highway to Hell (1991, directed by Ate de Jong)

Posted on October 27, 2015 by Jedadiah Leland

Highway to Hell, a low-budget take on the legend of Orpheus, opens with a young couple, Charlie (Chad Lowe) and Rachel (Kristy Swanson), driving to Las Vegas so they can elope. When they stop to get gas, Sam (Richard Farnsworth) warns them not to drive on the back roads at night. Charlie ignores him and the couple continues to drive through the desert until they are suddenly pulled over by Sgt. Bedlam (C.J. Graham), a scarred and mostly silent demon who is also known as the Hellcop. The Hellcop drags Rachel out of the car and then vanishes with her. Charlie returns to the gas station, where Sam tells him that Rachel has been kidnapped to Hell and will become Satan’s latest wife. After Sam gives him a shotgun and a car, Charlie heads into Hell to rescue Rachel.

Charlie discovers that Hell is even stranger than he was expecting. The highways are full of VW bugs and motorcycle gangs. Charlie passes a road crew made up of Andy Warhol look-alikes. (In a clever touch, they also work for the Good Intentions Company.) When Charlie stop to pick up a hitchhiker (played by Lita Ford), he is suddenly attacked by a crazed ice cream man. Occasionally, a friendly mechanic (Patrick Bergin) shows up and helps Charlie out. The mechanic’s first name is Beezle. Did you already guess that his last name is Bub?

There are parts of Highway To Hell that do not work. Chad Lowe seems lost as Charlie and Highway To Hell’s abrupt ending feels like it belongs in a totally different film. But Highway to Hell has enough odd characters and weird moments to make it worth watching. For instance, I liked the scene where the Hellcop stops off at a roadside diner that is full of zombies. Anne Meara plays the counterwoman who won’t stop talking long enough to take anyone’s order. (It is Hell, after all.) Jerry Stiller shows up as another cop and, finally, Ben Stiller plays a short order cook who won’t stop yelling. Ben Stiller actually plays two roles in this movie. Later, he shows up as Atillia the Hun, eating breakfast with Hitler (Gilbert Gottfried!) and Cleopatra (Amy Stiller). Hitler tries to convince them that he is actually a teenager named Bob and that he was sent to Hell accidentally.

Despite the film’s title, AC/DC is nowhere to be heard on the Highway to Hell soundtrack, which is obviously a missed opportunity. In fact, with the exception of Lita Ford’s cameo, there is no metal to be found in Hell which seems strange considering that this movie was made in 1991. Music aside, Highway to Hell is an entertaining journey into the underworld.

Back to School #23: Fame (dir by Alan Parker)

Posted on August 28, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

“Fuck it, if I can’t dance I’ll change to the drama department.” — Lisa (Laura Dean) in Fame (1980)

For nearly a week now, we’ve been taking a chronological look at some of the best and some of the worst films ever made about teenagers and high school. Yesterday, we finished off the 70s with Rock ‘n’ Roll High School. Today, we start the 80s by looking at yet another musical set in a high school. That musical is 1980’s Fame.

Taking place at the High School For Performing Arts in New York City, Fame follows a group of students from the beginning of their freshman year to graduation four years later. Among those students are Bruno (Lee Curreri), a musical prodigy, Coco (Irene Cara), who thinks that she’s the most talented student at the school, insecure Doris (Maureen Teefy), gay actor Montgomery (Paul McCrane), talented but functionally illiterate dancer Leroy (Gene Anthony Ray), and self-destructive comedian Ralph Garcia (Barry Miller, giving the best performance in the film). Over the course of four years, they fight, love, sing, and dance. They especially do a lot of dancing, which is basically the main reason why I enjoyed the film.

Fame is the perfect film to transition into the 80s with because, in many ways, it’s a perfect combination of the 70s and the 80s. In its use of ensemble and its emphasis on the gritty lives that the kids live outside of the school, the film is truly product of the 70s. However, whenever the film follows the students inside of the school, it becomes very much an 80s film, the type where the emphasis is on stylistically hyper editing and emotions are just as likely to be expressed through a musical montage as through dialogue. With its combination of the kids dreaming in the school and then facing the harsh realities outside, Fame feels like a collision of 70s pessimism and 80s optimism.

(Needless to say, pessimism usually makes for a more realistic film but optimism is a lot more fun to watch.)

Not surprisingly, for a film that made and released 34 years ago, a lot of Fame feels very dated. (What is surprising is that the 2009 remake feels even more dated.) It’s difficult not to cringe at the sight of all the leg warmers and big hair on display. The same can be said for the synthesizer-heavy soundtrack but, to be honest, I like 80s music. It may be cheesy but you can dance to it and really, what more can you ask from music? If nothing else, Fame serves as a valuable time capsule of the time that it was made and yes, I know that I’ve been saying that about a lot of movies lately but hey, it’s true! And I happen to love time capsules. So there.

And besides, dated as the film may be, Fame does get the big things right. It captures that feeling that we all had in high school, that feeling that you are destined for greater things and that, as long as you believe in yourself, good things will automatically happen to you. It captures the wonderful feeling of not only being creative and talented but also knowing that you are talented and creative..

The film is full of hints that the majority of the students at the high school will probably eventually be forced to give up on their dreams. A popular and handsome student is first seen graduating and full of confidence, just to pop up again an hour later, working as a waiter and looking desperate. Haughty Coco goes to an audition and ends up in tears after a sleazy producer tells her to undress. Ralph performs his stand-up comedy and, exhausted after going for days without sleep, ends up bombing. Leroy is offered a chance to dance professionally but first he has to try to talk his English teacher into giving him a passing grade while she mourns for her husband, who died just a few hours earlier. It’s actually a pretty dark movie but it’s hopeful too because, by the end of it, you realize that not all of the characters are going to make it but at least they’re going to have a chance to try.

In Memory of Robin Williams #3: Awakenings (dir by Penny Marshall)

Posted on August 21, 2014 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1990 Best Picture nominee Awakenings is exactly the type of film that seems to have been designed to make me cry.

Taking place in 1969 and based (very loosely, I assume) on a true story, Awakenings features Robin Williams as Dr. Malcolm Sayer. Dr. Sayer is a dedicated and caring physician but he also suffers from an almost crippling shyness. He’s at his most comfortable when he’s dealing with a group of patients who have spent the last 40 years in a catatonic state, suffering from a tragic disease known as encephalitis lethargica. (One thing that I learned from watching this film was that, from 1917 to 1928, there was an epidemic of this disease, with millions either dying or being left catatonic.) While the rest of the medical establishment (led by John Heard, who always seems to be the embodiment of the establishment in films made in the 90s) assumes that the patients are destined to spend the rest of their lives in a vegetative state, Dr. Sayer is convinced that the patients can be awakened. He soon discovers that, even in their catatonic state, the patients will react to certain stimulii. One woman can catch a baseball. Another appears to react well to music. And finally, Leonard Lowe (Robert De Niro) — who fell ill with this disease when he was a child — tries to communicate with a Ouija board.

Over the objections of his supervisors, Dr. Sayer treats the patients with an experimental drug. Leonard is the first one to get the drug and is also the first one to wake up. While the rest of the patients wake up, Dr. Sayer tries to help Leonard adjust to the 1960s. At first, everything seems to be going perfectly. Leonard even manages to strike up a sweet romance with a woman named Paula (Penelope Ann Miller). However, it soon becomes obvious that the awakening is only going to be a temporary one as Leonard and all the other patients start to descend back into their catatonic states…

It’s easy to criticize a film like Awakenings for being manipulative and sentimental. And the fact of the matter is that the film is manipulative and it is sentimental and undoubtedly, it probably is a massive simplification of the true story. (The character played by John Heard is such an obvious villain that he might as well have a mustache to twirl.) And yes, you know even before it happens that there’s eventually going to be a montage of an amazed Leonard staring at a girl in a miniskirt while Time of the Season plays on the soundtrack.

But, no matter! It’s a tremendously effective film and it earned the tears that I shed while watching it. Both De Niro and Williams give excellent performances which add a good deal of depth to scenes that could otherwise come across as being overly sappy. De Niro has the more showy role but it really but it’s the performance of Robin Williams that really carries the film. As played by Williams, Dr. Sayer is a fragile soul who hides from the world behind his beard and his professional determination. When he finally asks a nurse (Julie Kavner) out to dinner, it’s impossible not to cheer for him.

It’s also impossible not to cheer a little for Awakenings.