Mike Tyson vs Jake Paul: A Preview

Posted on by Jedadiah Leland

I’ve managed to avoid most of the hype surrounding tonight’s boxing match between Mike Tyson and Jake Paul.  That was intentional on my part because I found the whole idea to be incredibly depressing.

When I was growing up, there was no athlete more fearsome than Mike Tyson.  At the peak of his career, he was the best boxer of all time.  You can count me in as one of the people who believes that Tyson, at his best, could have easily defeated Mohammed Ali.  What Tyson lacked in finesse, he made up for in pure power.  As Tyson got older, he got slower and was no longer as impressive as he used to be but that happens to almost every boxer.  Even after he retired, Tyson remained a boxing icon.  I don’t care how old he is or how slowly he might now move, I would not want to get on Mike Tyson’s bad side.

And then there’s Jake Paul.  I had to ask Lisa who Jake Paul was.  Apparently, he’s a YouTube star who has decided that he’s a boxer and who has won a few sketchy fights.  Paul vs. Tyson is going to be his debut as a heavyweight.

Friends and fellow readers, let me just be blunt.

If “Iron Mike” Tyson loses to Jake Paul tonight, my childhood will be over.  If Mike Tyson, the most fearsome boxer of my lifetime, loses to a YouTube star, I am just going to give up on everything and start my mid-life crisis.  It would be one thing if this was an exhibition match.  Everyone knows that an exhibition doesn’t mean anything.  This is an officially sanctioned boxing match.  This fight will forever be a part of Mike Tyson’s record.  If Mike Tyson officially ends his career losing to Jake Paul, what’s the point?

And it could happen. Mike Tyson is 58 years old and Jake Paul is 27.  There’s a big difference between 58 and 27.  By his own admission, Mike Tyson also doesn’t like to train.  In Tyson’s last officially sanctioned match, he lost to Kevin McBride.  Remember that? Tyson quit the fight after the sixth round.  And after he lost, Tyson said “I’m not going to disrespect the sport anymore by losing to this caliber of fighter.”  Mike’s looking for a payday and so is Jake Paul.  If Jake beats Mike Tyson, that’ll mean that anyone could beat Mike Tyson if they pay him enough.  That would be the ultimate disrespect to the sport that Tyson says he loves.

I have faith in Iron Mike, though.  I think Tyson will let the fight go to the end but I think he’ll win on points.  I think that the universe or karma or whatever you want to call it will cut all of us fight fans a break.

At least, I hope it will.

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix For Empire Records!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on Twitter and Mastodon.  I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie!  Every week, we get together.  We watch a movie.  We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix presents 1995’s Empire Records!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag!  It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Empire Records is available on Prime!  See you there!

HARD TIMES – Charles Bronson & James Coburn take on New Orleans!

Posted on by Bradley Crain

HARD TIMES is probably the best movie that features Charles Bronson in the lead, and it’s my personal favorite movie of all time as of the date of this review. I reserve the right to change this opinion at any time!

Charles Bronson is Chaney, a drifter who’s riding the rails in the south during the great depression. Soon after getting off the train in some unnamed southern town, Chaney comes across an underground “fight” where we first meet Speed, played by the great James Coburn. It seems Speed is the money man for this big lug of a fighter who gets his butt kicked in front of God, the local underground fighting world, a man with horrible teeth, and Chaney. After witnessing this fiasco, Chaney follows Speed to a local restaurant where he apparently waits in the shadows until Speed goes up to the counter to get a refill of oysters and a couple of lemons. I say this because when Speed turns from the counter with his newly filled tray, Chaney is sitting at Speed’s table. I’m surprised that Speed even talks to him because the first thing Chaney does is help himself to an oyster, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING! Even with this breach of etiquette, Speed discusses the fight from earlier in the evening with Chaney, who offers his fighting services to Speed since the “big lug” is clearly not a good investment into the future and who is probably in a hospital overnight dealing with a concussion. Speed is hesitant to accept this offer since Chaney appears to be fairly old (Bronson was 53 when he made the film), but he changes his mind when Chaney offers his last $6 bucks to Speed to bet on him. Cut to Chaney getting his chance to fight. This is a fun scene because his opponent is the same fighter from earlier who kicked the big lug’s butt. The guy even taunts Chaney for being too old. The fight starts and it consists of two hits, Chaney hits the smartass, the smartass hits the ground. Somewhat amazed, Speed takes Chaney to New Orleans, and the two embark on an odyssey together to win fights and make thick wads of cash. The remainder of the film documents that odyssey, although it does take time out for a few “in-betweens.”

HARD TIMES is one of Bronson’s best films, and one of the main reasons why is that it provides a boatload of audience satisfaction. There are many examples of this. First is the scene mentioned above where Chaney takes out the smirking, dismissive fighter who sees our hero as too old. Too old my ass! In another scene, a bunch of unrefined Cajuns out in the boondocks refuse to pay up after Chaney kicks their fighter’s butt. Rather than pay up, the slimy Cajuns pull out a gun and dare Speed and Chaney to come take the money. Our heroes leave at that time, but Chaney convinces them to hang around out in the country for awhile so they can surprise the Cajuns under the cover of darkness at the local honkytonk, which happens to be owned by the head slimy Cajun. Chaney takes the gun, takes the money, and then shoots up the place with the gun, grinning as he saves the last bullet to shoot a mirror he’s looking directly into. It’s a fun scene that ends with Chaney, Speed and the gang speeding off into the night laughing like hyenas! In another scene, Chaney takes on the big, bald-headed, unbeatable fighter Jim Henry (Robert Tessier) in an awesome cage match. Let’s just say Jim Henry thought he was unbeatable and leave it at that. And finally, a competing New Orleans money man (Jim Henry’s guy) just can’t stand that he no longer has the top fighter in town, so he brings in a fighter from Chicago to take on Chaney. I won’t tell you what happens, but it’s some really fun stuff! 

The cast of HARD TIMES also elevates the film to top tier status. I’ve already discussed Bronson and Coburn, but Strother Martin and Jill Ireland also add to the joy. Martin plays Poe, Chaney’s drug addict cut man, who dresses up like he could grow up to be Colonel Sanders in his older age. It’s a fun performance that adds a lot to the film. Jill Ireland plays Chaney’s love interest. She’s quite beautiful, but she seems to always be giving Chaney a hard time about what he does for a living. His response is usually to simply leave when she starts that BS. I thinks that’s kind of fun too. 

And finally, this was the directorial debut of Walter Hill, the man behind THE WARRIORS, THE DRIVER, THE LONG RIDERS, SOUTHERN COMFORT, 48 HOURS, and RED HEAT. His movie is lean and mean, without a wasted moment that isn’t moving the film along. Hill has crafted a fun movie, filled with great performances. I think it’s one of the most underrated films of the 1970’s!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.1 and 3.2 “A Special Love”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!

This week, we start season 3 of Highway to Heaven!

Episodes 3.1 and 3.2 “A Special Love”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on September 24th and October 1st, 1986)

The third season of Highway to Heaven opens with a two-parter.

A Special Love is centered around Jonathan and Mark working at the Special Olympics and meeting a developmentally disabled child named Todd Bryant (played by a 15 year-old Paul Walker …. yes, that Paul Walker).  Given up by his parents (who only did so when told by their doctors that they would never be able to give Todd the care that he needed), Todd lives in a group home and desperately wants to be a part of a family.  Can Mark and Jonathan help Todd find the confidence to compete in the Special Olympics?  Can they reunite Todd with his older brother (played by none other than Josh Brolin), who just happens to be a coach with the Special Olympics?  And can they make his dream of being adopted come true?  You already know the answers.  This is Highway to Heaven, after all.

This is also a Scotty episode.  Scotty (played by James Troesh) is a paraplegic attorney who is married to Mark’s cousin, Diane (Margie Impert).  Scotty and Diane appeared in several episodes during the first three seasons of Highway to Heaven.  Every Scotty episode follows the same basic pattern.  Mark and Jonathan drop in on Scotty and Diane.  Scotty is feeling happy and optimistic about his future.  Then, something happens that derails whatever Scotty’s latest plan is.  Scotty gets upset and tells everyone to leave him alone.  Diane says that she can’t deal with him anymore.  While Mark comforts Diane, Jonathan tells Scotty to stop feeling for himself.  Scotty eventually apologizes.  Everything works out in the end.

Though the Scotty episodes were always predictable, I do think that Highway to Heaven deserved some credit for never turning Scotty into a saint.  Too many films and television shows tend to use disabled characters as idealized props who exists only to impress everyone with their upbeat attitude and homespun wisdom.  They show up.  They say a few words of wisdom that serve to inspire the lead character.  And then they’re never seen again.  They often exist only to help the star and their lives are never explored beyond how the lead character relates to them.  Scotty, on the other hand, was frequently angry about being a paraplegic.  Even when his life was going well, Scotty would get understandably frustrated.  Scotty was not always perfect.  He made mistakes, just like anyone else would have.  What’s important is that, in the end, he always tried to do the right thing.  James Troesch, a real-life paraplegic, was not the best actor in the world but, as was so often the case with Highway to Heaven, he played the role with such sincerity that it didn’t matter that he often sounded stiff while delivering his lines.  He brought a lot of humanity to the role.

In this episode, Scotty is upset because he has just learned that he and Diane will never be able to have children.  When both Jonathan and Diane suggest adopting Todd, Scotty bitterly refuses.  Scotty claims that, due to his disability, he wouldn’t be able to properly take care of Todd.  However, when Todd announces that he’s going to win a race at the Special Olympics to prove that he’s worthy of being adopted, Scotty realizes that he’s just using his disability as an excuse to not face up to his own fears.  Scotty and Diane decide to adopt Todd.  Unfortunately, Todd’s parents suddenly decide that they don’t want another family to adopt Todd.  They want Todd to say in the group home where he is currently living.  It leads to a teary-eyed courtroom showdown.  It also leads to a happy ending.  Again, was there ever any doubt?

The story may have been melodramatic but this was still a touching episode and a good example of how Highway to Heaven‘s earnest sincerity helped the show overcome plot twists that could have been mawkish in the wrong hangs.  The first hour is especially touching, as it’s largely a tribute to the Special Olympics and the athletes involved.  There’s a lot of negative things that can be said about the Kennedy family and their impact on American political culture but Eunice Kennedy Shriver deserves all of the credit and praise in the world for founding the Special Olympics.  This episode did make me cry and it earned every tear.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 1.18 “The Dude of Love”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Someday, I’ll finish this show and move on to something good….

Episode 1.18 “The Dude of Love”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on February 21st, 1999)

This week, on Malibu, CA, Jason has a crush on a girl named Holly (Kristen Miller).  Holly, however, is already dating someone else.  She says that her boyfriend is an accountant and is too obsessed with work.

Does Jason:

  1. accept that Holly is not single and move on
  2. accept thar Holly is not single and wait to see what happens with her current relationship, or
  3. act like a sociopathic little bitch?

If you guessed the third answer, you obviously know your Malibu, CA!

Needless to say, Jason acting like a sociopathic little bitch is hardly a new occurrence.  When this show originally started, I thought that Scott was the more unlikable of the two main characters.  He was just so smarmy and self-satisfied.  But, as this season has progressed, I’ve come to realize that Scott is just a dumb frat boy who is trying to enjoy himself before his mid-life crisis hits.  Jason is so just as smarmy and self-satisfied as Scott but he’s also whiny and that makes him a hundred times more annoying.

(Another annoying thing is that, whenever Jason breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience, he always awkwardly pauses before delivering his lines because the actor is obviously waiting for someone off-camera to cue him.  This was especially noticeable in this episode.)

Jason’s plan, as usual, involves manipulating Murray.  Murray has been hired to provide surfing updates on the local radio station (which broadcasts straight from the beach because there’s no way Peter Engel was going to pay for an extra set).  Jason announces that he’s going to be Murray’s producer.  Under Jason’s direction, Murray becomes “The Dude of Love,” offering up advise to lovelorn surfers.

First, Jason convinces Holly that she should call the Dude of Love for advice.

Then he convinces Murray that he’s sick so that Murray will stay home and Jason will able to take Holly’s call.  Jason does an imitation of Murray and tells Holly to dump her boyfriend.  Since the radio show is being broadcast literally from the beach, everyone can see Jason pretending to be Murray so I’m not really sure how this plan is supposed to work.

Anyway, Holly does not dump her boyfriend and it turns out that he’s not only an accountant but also a weight-lifter.  The accountant wants to beat up Murray so Jason confesses the truth.  The accountant tells Jason to stay away from Holly and to always save his receipts.  Okay, the receipt thing was kind of funny.

Meanwhile, Stads, Scott, and Mr. Collins deal with Honest Ernie (Ricky Paull Goldin), a conman who sold the beach to Tracy.  Of course, no one can sell the beach because it’s public property.  Honest Ernie also sells fake baseball cards.  Anyway, I’m not going to to waste my time detailing this dumb B-plot but the gang tricks Honest Ernie into buying a plot of land in Texas that doesn’t exist.  Tracy gets her money back.  Yay!

(That’s still technically fraud but whatever.)

Even by the standards of this show, this was a dumb episode.  Murray deserves better friends.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 2.22 “The Gift”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Abe Vigoda and Brad Greenquist star as two criminals who discover that they have an unexpected visitor in the basement of their cabin.

Episode 2.22 “The Gift”

(Dir by Jeffrey Wolf, originally aired on May 20th, 1990)

Two low-life criminals, Sid (Abe Vigoda) and his protege, Kirby (Brad Greenquist), show up at a cabin in the mountains.  They have a rich kid named Jeffrey (Zach Overton) with them.  They’ve kidnapped Jeffrey from his exclusive private school and they are planning to hold him until they get paid several million dollars.

Wanting to keep the kid comfortable, Sid tells Kirby to look in the basement for blankets.  Kirby doesn’t find any blankets but he does a find a mysterious wolfman.  Kirby shoots the wolfman twice but the wolfman survives.  Kirby then chains up both Jeffrey and the Wolfman in the basement.  Kirby thinks that it might be a good idea to forget about the whole kidnapping scheme but Sid is determined to get the money.

In the basement, Jeffrey discovers that the Wolfman can communicate with him through telepathy.  The Wolfman introduces himself as being William (physically played by Carlos Lauchu, with a voice provided by John Michael Bolger).  William explains that he’s not a monster.  Instead, he’s just a man who, centuries ago, was granted magical abilities by an old traveler.  Now, William is over 200 years old.  He’s nearly immortal but he’s also lonely.  Jeffrey is the first person who has been willing to listen to William in a long time.

Jeffrey and William bonding in the basement is undeniably sweet but Sid and Kirby are still holding Jeffrey hostage and, as time passes, it becomes obvious that they’re planning on killing both Jeffrey and his new friend.  William explains that there is a way that he can ensure that Jeffrey will survive and that he’ll be able to defeat both Sid and Kirby.  But it will involve Jeffrey making a huge sacrifice of his own….

This episode was fairly dull.  When it started, I was hoping that the show would at least do a Ransom of Red Chief sort of thing and have Jeffrey turn out to be such a brat that absolutely no one would be willing to pay a cent to get him back.  I think that would have been more interesting than what we ended up with, an episode in which Jeffrey awkwardly bonded with a werewolf who could only communicate through telepathy because moving his mouth probably would have made the actor’s mask look even cheaper than it already did.  Abe Vigoda and Brad Greenquist were well-cast as the two criminals.  Vigoda, in particular, did a good job of portraying Sid’s outwardly calm but still ruthless demeanor.  Otherwise, this was a fairly dull episode that didn’t really do much with its potentially intriguing premise.