Category Archives: Retro Television Reviews

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.22 “For The Book”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

We all knew this day would come.  It’s time for the final episode of Check It Out!

Episode 3.22 “For The Book”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on February 14th, 1988)

Cobbs is celebrating its 50th anniversary and its putting together a commemorative book of memories.  Howard calls the staff into his office and asks them what they think should be included in the book.

“Remember that time….” Christian starts and yes, it’s a clip show.

The final episode of Check It Out! is indeed a clip show.  Really, it’s not a terrible way for the show to go out.  For 30 minutes, the show relives what the writers believed were the best moments of season 3.  (There were a few clips from seasons one and two but, for the most part, this episode was dominated by recent clips.)  Some of the clips — like Howard doing a vaudeville routine — went on for way too long.  Some, like Marlene filling in as Howard’s secretary, did not go on long enough.  It was a typical clip show.

And so ends Check It Out!  What can I say about this show?  The first season was okay.  The second season was a trainwreck.  The third season was uneven but, overall, surprisingly good.  The show was built around Don Adams but it was the supporting characters — Aaron Schwartz, Jeff Pustil, Kathleen Laskey, Gordon Clapp — who got most of the laughs.  Looking back, I really can’t think of any episodes of Check It Out! that really stand-out in my mind.  The show was the epitome of pleasant but unmemorable entertainment.

Next week, we’ll have a new show here.  For now, let’s end things with the Check It Out! theme song.

Retro Television Review: The American Short Story Episode 6: “I’m A Fool”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing The American Short Story, which ran semi-regularly on PBS in 1974 to 1981.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube and Tubi.

This week, after an introduction from Henry Fonda, The American Short Story presents a short film about a young man discovers that he’s a fool.

Episode 6 “I’m A Fool”

(Dir by Noel Black, originally aired in 1977)

In this adaptation of a Sherwood Anderson short story, Ron Howard (back in his younger days, before he became better-known as a director) stars as Andy.  Andy is a young man who runs away from his safe and comfortable life in search of adventure.  He gets a job as a “swipe,” which was apparently what people used to call the folks who took care of the horses at a racetrack.  He and an older black man named Burt (Santiago Gonzalez) travel the racing circuit in Ohio and form a tentative friendship.  Burt can tell that, for all of his attempts to come across as being tough and worldly, Andy is a virgin who gets drunk easily and who has no idea what the real world is like.

Andy claims to be a proud member of the working class but then he meets a pretty and rich girl named Lucy (Amy Irving).  Andy introduces himself as being Walter, the son of a wealthy stable owner.  Andy and Lucy spend the day together and Andy comes to realize that he loves her and that she seems to love him as well.  But then Andy realizes that she only knows him as Walter and that it’s too late to tell her the truth.  “I’m a fool,” Andy says before leaving with Burt.

This 35-minute short film featured good performances from Ron Howard and Amy Irving and some lovely shots of the countryside, showing why a life of wandering through rural Ohio might appeal to a young person searching for meaning.  There’s a great scene in a bar where the outclassed Andy tries to prove himself to a bunch of snobs by drinking whiskey and smoking a cigar.  Unfortunately, the strength of Sherwood Anderson’s original short story is that it puts us straight into Andy’s head and allows us to see the thought process that led to him coming up with his foolish lie.  Despite featuring narration from Ron Howard, this adaptation doesn’t really accomplish that and, as a result, the viewer is always on the outside looking in.

It’s not a bad adaptation but it can’t beat sitting down and reading the original story.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 3.19 “The Tree of Life”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week, it’s Johnny vs the Druids.

Episode 3.19 “The Tree of Life”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired on May 7th, 1990)

Johnny randomly runs into a distraught woman who claims that, years ago, her daughter was abducted and her husband murdered by obstetrician  Dr. Sybil Oakwood (Gale Garnett).  When Jack and Micki doubt the woman’s story, Johnny investigates on his own and discovers that Dr. Oakwood is kidnapping newborn girls and raising them in her fertility clinic.  It turns out that Dr. Oakwood is a druid and she’s trying to breed future Druidic priestesses.

(Don’t yell at me, this is the show’s interpretation of druidism.)

This was the next-to-the-last episode of Friday the 13th and it just feels like the writers were tired and uninspired.  Suddenly, for the first time in three years, Jack and Micki are skeptical about reports of the paranormal.  Johnny is back to being impulsive and, if we’re to be honest, kind of stupid.  He tells the distraught mother that her daughter is being held prisoner at the fertility clinic and then is shocked when the mother runs off to the clinic without waiting for Johnny to accompany her.  Once again, it all leads to a cult and an underground cavern.  This entire episode feels like it was recycled from previous episodes.

I’m not an expert on paganism so I’m not going to get into whether or not this episode accurately portrayed druidic beliefs.  I will say that the druids in this episode acted like every other cult that’s ever appeared on this show.  They’re just like the Satanic cult that showed up at the end of season 2.  Making them druids is probably one of those things that sounded good when the episode was pitched.  The word “druid” brings to mind Stonehenge and all the rest of that good stuff.  But, narratively, there was nothing gained nor lost by making them druids.  The show treated them like any other self-destructive cult.

This episode was a bit dull.  It felt like the show was taking one last shot at getting audiences to replace Johnny as Ryan’s replacement.  The whole thing just felt uninspired.  It certainly left your brave reviewer bereft of inspiration.

Next week, we come to the conclusion of Friday the 13th: The Series.

 

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 2.6 “Under Pressure”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, the hospital staff is under pressure!

Episode 2.6 “Under Pressure”

(Dir by David Anspaugh, originally aired on November 30th, 1983)

What a depressing episode!

It’s another day at St. Eligius and almost everyone seems to be in a bad mood.  Patients are complaining that Dr. Craig is so obsessed with his heart transplant that he’s ignoring them.  Dr. Westphall wakes up in a bad mood and continue to be in a bad mood for the entire episode.  Dr. Morrison is upset because he’s treating two Irish teens who nearly killed each other because one is Protestant and the other is Catholic.  (One of the teens is played by a young Eric Stoltz.)  Bobby Caldwell has to figure out how to put together the face of one of the Irish boys.  Ehrlich is complaining  nonstop.  Morrison is missing his wife.  Auschlander is dealing with his approaching mortality.  (There’s a wonderful moment when Norman Lloyd rolls his eyes while Auschlander listens to Westphall whine.)

Finally, a man calling himself Mr. Entertainment (Austin Pendleton) took over one of the hospital’s elevators and sang to the patients.  That cheered some people up.  It would have annoyed the Hell out of me.  Mr. Entertainment is checked into the psych ward, where he meets the new head psychiatrist, Michael Ridley (Paul Sand).  (Hugh Beale apparently no longer works at the hospital.  Both he and Dr. Samuels were dropped after the first season, with no onscreen explanation.)  The episode ends with Mr. Entertainment singing for a collection of nurses and doctors and bringing some happiness to their lives.

Everyone in this episode is under pressure.  That’s fine.  That’s realistic.  Being a doctor cannot be an easy job.  But it just made for a rather melancholy episode and I have to admit that I couldn’t wait for the end credits and that meowing cat.

Perhaps next week will be better.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 4.4 “The People Next Door”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan and Mark take on prejudice.

Episode 4.4 “The People Next Door”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on October 21st, 1987)

Dr. William Martin (David Spielberg) is living a double life.  His family and his neighbors know him as a white doctor who lives in a suburban community and who is a part of the homeowner’s community.  He’s told his wife and his son that his parents died before he met them.

His mother knows him as Dr. Guillermo Martinez, who works at the free clinic in the economically disadvantaged area of town.  Anna Martinez (Mariam Colon) works as a maid and has no idea that her son is married and that she’s a grandmother.

Guillermo changed his name and lied about his ethnicity so that he could get ahead as a doctor and it’s worked for him.  His best friend is Brad Bowman (John Lawlor), the real estate agent who is dedicated to making sure that only “the right people” move into the neighborhood.  But when Jonathan and Mark show up as rival real estate agents and hire Anna to help them clean up the house next door, William/Guillermo is forced to face the truth about who he is.

At the start of this episode, Jonathan tells Mark that their assignment is not only to show William the foolishness of denying his heritage but to also help William’s neighbors become more tolerant.  They definitely help out William but they don’t really seem to have much luck with the neighbors.  Brad Bowman (no relation!) is as much of a bigot at the end of the show as he was at the start.  Jonathan and Mark do arrange for a black family to move into the empty house and then Jonathan and Mark promptly leave the neighborhood.  So, I guess the responsibility for teaching everyone else tolerance is going to be on the new homeowners.  This is one of those episodes where you wish Jonathan had actually gone to extremes to make his point, instead of just arranging for people to run into each other while wandering around the neighborhood.  I know that some people would say, “Well, Brad’s just a bad person,” but wasn’t one the original themes of this show that everyone had the potential to see the light, learn the errors of their ways, and be redeemed?

While the show suggested that there was no hope for Brad to see the error of his ways, it also let Guillermo off way too easy.  His wife was surprisingly understanding about her husband lying to her for years.  And, in the end, his mother was surprisingly forgiving about him lying about the fact that she had a grandson.  Jonathan scolded him briefly but that was pretty much it.  My grandmother, who came to this country from Franco’s Spain, would not have been as forgiving.

This episode was well-intentioned but didn’t quite work.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.21 “Parent Trap”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Soon, I will be finished with this show.  I’m just trying to keep my spirits up.

Episode 2.21 “Parent Trap”

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on April 15th, 2000)

Peter is having a midlife crisis so Scott, Jason, and Traycee introduce him to Traycee’s mom, Candee (Wendi Winburn).  Peter falls for Candee and decides to ask her to marry him.  Traycee warns Scott and Jason that Candee has been proposed to by a lot of men — including Donald Trump! — and she always turns them down.  But, for some reason, Candee accepts Peter’s proposal.  But then, at the celebration dinner, Candee mentions that she wants to travel and Peter mentions that he wants to stay in Malibu and manage his restaurant (even though he tried to retire just a few episodes ago) and Candee and Peter decide not to get married.  They both share a laugh over the whole thing which struck me as odd.

Meanwhile, Lisa gets upset when Murray paints a naked picture of her.  She goes to Murray’s art showing and attempts to paint clothes on her body and seriously, I just wanted the police to arrest her and drag her away.  What a stupid storyline.  Lisa (the character, not me) is the worst.

This episode …. hey, it fit the running time and stuff happened.  Apparently, by this point in the second season, that’s all anyone was demanding from Malibu CA.  There’s an odd lack of conflict in this episode.  Candee wants to go on safari.  Peter doesn’t.  They laugh and call the whole thing off.  Uhmm, okay.  Most engagements end on a bit more of a dramatic (or, at the very least, an emotional) note.  When I was 18, I was briefly engaged until I found out that my fiancé’s family didn’t actually own all of those oil wells in South Texas, despite the fact that he claimed otherwise.  That was not a happy breakup.  Everyone in this episode is so agreeable that it’s boring.  For someone who was totally in love, Peter certainly seem to be cheerful about never seeing Candee again.  Seriously, he picked his tacky restaurant over the supposed love of his life.  What an idiot.

Oh well, at least this show is nearly over.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.24 “The Moving Finger”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters comes to its conclusion.

Episode 3.24 “The Moving Finger”

(Dir by Kenny Myers, originally aired on April 26th, 1991)

Monsters comes to a close with an adaptation of a Stephen King short story.

Nerdy Howard (Tom Noonan) is shocked to discover that, every time he goes to any of the various drains in his house, a bony finger pokes out.  Howard’s wife can’t see the finger but Howard becomes obsessed with it, attacking it with a corrosive liquid and eventually a hedge trimmer.  No matter how much damage Howard does to it, the finger comes back, longer and stronger….

Despite the Stephen King pedigree and the presence of the usually reliable Tom Noonan, The Moving Finger makes for a disappointing conclusion to Monsters.  King’s style, and this is especially true of his short stories, often doesn’t translate well into visual adaptations.  The signature inner monologues and the building sense of dread can be difficult to recreate visually.  (One reason why The Shining is the best King adaptation is because Stanley Kubrick made the material his own and didn’t worry about trying to recreate all of King’s trademark  bullshit literary flourishes.)  Tom Noonan doesn’t have much of a character to play and the finger itself becomes less effective as the episode drags on.

Oh well!  Monsters was a generally uneven show so it’s perhaps appropriate that it ended on an unsteady note.  It’s the curse of the anthology format.  When Monsters was good, it was really, really good.  When it was bad, it was kind of boring.  There were a lot of good episodes that aired during the final season but, sadly, there were a few bad ones as well.  That said, the good Monsters episodes to outweigh the bad and forgettable ones.

That’s it for Monsters!  Next week, something new will premiere in this time slot.  What will it be?  I have no idea but I look forward to finding my next show!

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, Doc starts to feel his age.

Episode 6.6 “The Groupies/The Audition/Doc’s Nephew”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on November 6th, 1982)

When it comes to The Love Boat, there’s one question that always has to be asked.

In this episode, Julie appears to be moderately coked up.  She’s definitely not as coked up as she was in some of the earlier episodes of this season but there’s still that glint in her eye and the rapidness of his speech that leaves little doubt that there was probably some sniffing going on in the cruise director’s office.  On the How Coked Up With Julie Scale, I would give this one a solid 7 out of 10.

Of course, Julie had some competition on this cruise.  A pre-born again Willie Aames was on the cruise, playing Doc’s nephew Danny, and sporting the puffy eyes of someone who had been up all night on a date with the Devil’s Dandruff.  Danny and Doc both develop a crush on the same woman and Linda (Michelle Phillips) decides that she would prefer to spend her romantic time with a teenage Danny than with Doc, who has a medical degree and probably a lot more money than Danny.  This leads to Doc have yet another midlife crisis.  Danny, meanwhile, falls hard for Linda but, at the end of the cruise, Linda explains that she’s not looking to get tied down with a relationship.  She just wanted to bang someone who was ten years younger than her.  Okay, that’s not quite what she said but that was the general idea.  Doc learned that it was okay to be middle-aged and Danny was too high to learn much of anything.

Soap opera writer Paula Hastings (Susan Lucci!) boarded the cruise and was shocked to discover that one of the passengers was Barry Weldon (Tristan Rogers!), an actor who she turned down for a role on her soap.  Barry romanced Paula and convinced her that he was falling in love with her and then announced it was all just an act to prove that he deserved the role on her show.  Damn, Barry, that’s not nice at all!  But then it turned out that Barry actually had fallen in love with her so they decided to get married.  “Congratulations!” Julie said, her eyes shining with a manic edge.

Finally, a therapist (Richard Deacon) boarded the ship, just to discover that his patients (Jerry Van Dyke, Elaine Joyce, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie) had all decided to take the cruise with him.  Why, that’s enough stress to make the idea of a little flakey relief seem appealing!  That said, the therapist and his patients were played by some old school sitcom mainstays and none of them seemed to be coked up.  They were definitely a whiskey and cigarettes crowd.

This was a pleasant cruise.  Bernie Kopell is always likable as Doc Bricker and I always enjoy his midlife crisis episodes.  The therapist storyline was pretty hokey but, on the other hand, Susan Lucci and Tristan Rogers!  That’s daytime drama royalty, babe!  I enjoyed this episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.10 “Cranked Up”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, Chris nearly gets everyone killed …. again!

Episode 2.10 “Cranked Up”

(Dir by Corey Michael Eubanks, originally aired on November 3rd, 1996)

The bike cops are taking part in an “eco-relay,” (which I guess is a bicycle race) through the mountains surrounding Santa Monica.  Upon arriving at the park, Chris and Corey spot two rednecks on ATVs.

“Those are illegal in state parks!” Chris says.

And you’re off-duty, Chris.  Seriously, Chris is the most annoying character on this show and that’s kind of amazing when you consider the competition.

Anyway, during the race, Chris spots a meth lab that is being run by those ATV-riding rednecks.  Even though she’s off-duty, doesn’t have a radio, and doesn’t have any way to bring in any backup, she still decides to take down the meth lab herself.  Instead, she gets captured by the rednecks and their girlfriend, Mary Lou (Maddie Corman).  Mary Lou lights a cigarette and Chris yells at her about it.  I’m surprised that they didn’t just give Chris back after having to spend ten minutes with her.

The other bike cops go to search for Chris.  Chris manages to escape on her own but, when she reaches the other bike cops, she explains that the meth lab could have “crank” out on the street by nightfall.  The cops — who are ALL off-duty — decide to take down the lab without bothering to call for back-up.  (Seriously, they could have just called the real police from the finish line.)  The end result is that Cory gets shot (but, luckily, doesn’t die) and all the other cops get captured, including Chris for a second time.  Luckily, Lt. Palermo shows up and rescues everyone.  They don’t win the race but they do take out a meth lab.  Of course, they could have easily won the race and then called the real cop to take out the meth lab afterwards and, as an extra bonus, Cory wouldn’t have gotten shot.

This was a Chris-centric episode, which means that the majority of the episode was divided between Chris bragging about being a badass and Chris complaining about situations that wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t so freaking incompetent.  This would have been a fun episode CHiPs but, with Pacific Blue, it’s just another reminder that bicyclists are worthless.

One final note: Maddie Corman is the wife of former actor and director Jace Alexander who, in 2015, was arrested for possession and distribution of child pornography.  Corman did not divorce her husband but instead turned the experience of being married to pedophile into a one-woman off-Broadway play and even did a tour of all the morning shows promoting it.  I don’t blame her for her husband’s crimes and I can totally buy her claim that she didn’t know anything about what was on his computer until the police showed up but, still, to then use those crimes to promote herself …. that’s always struck me as being more than a little icky.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

Today, the sixth season of Fantasy Island comes to a close and so does Tattoo’s time on the show.

Episode 6.22 “Love Island/The Sisters”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on May 14th, 1983)

This is it.  This is not only the finale of season 6 but it’s also the final episode to feature Tattoo as Mr. Roarke’s assistant.

Why did Herve Villechaize leave Fantasy Island after the end of the sixth season?  The story that you always hear is that Villechaize wanted more money to continue working on the show.  He felt that he deserved to be paid as much as Ricardo Montalban.  The show’s producers disagreed.  To them, Montalban was not only the star of the show but also someone who has just appeared in a hit movie, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn.  They felt that they could keep the show going without Villechaize and …. well, it turns out they were totally and completely wrong about that.

I have not seen much of the seventh season, in which Villechaize was replaced by Christopher Hewett.  And, due to the vagaries of my DVR, there’s a lot of season 7 that I won’t be able to review.  What I do know is that the show went from being #39 to bring ranked #47 in the ratings after Villechaize left.  Obviously, being the 39th ranked show was nothing to brag about but it was still a helluva lot better than #47.  Villechaize left and a lot of the audience left with him.

I’ve made a lot of jokes about Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship.  Especially during the early seasons, Roarke and Tattoo sometimes did seem to be friendly rivals.  (That was when Roarke was a far more enigmatic fellow and Tattoo always seemed to be trying to figure out a way to make some extra money on Fantasy Island.)  Remember when Tattoo ran against Mr. Roarke in an Island election?  That said, Roarke and Tattoo’s relationship really was the heart of the series.  The fantasies themselves were often forgettable.  How many times can you get excited about seeing a member of the Brady Bunch as a guest star?  The thing that people really remember about Fantasy Island is the relationship between Roarke and Tattoo.  Regardless of what went on behind the scenes, Montalban and Villechazie had a good on-camera chemistry.  It was fun to watch them interact.  I always enjoyed the episodes that allowed Villechaize to reveal Tattoo’s sensitive side.  (In real life, Villechaize was an advocate for abused children, often taking the time to personally visit with children who had been rescued from abusive households.)

This is all my long-winded way of saying that they should have just agreed to pay Herve Villechaize more money.

At the very least, they should have given him a proper goodbye episode.  The sixth season ends with a rather basic episode, with no mention made of Tattoo leaving or even thinking of leaving.  Instead, we get Maureen McCormick going to a mysterious mansion to rescue her old sister (Britt Ekland) from an abusive man (played by Peter Mark Richman).  And then we get Bob Denver and Paul Kreppel as two wannabe womanizers who end up in prehistoric times, trying to romance a cavewoman while dealing with dinosaurs.  The dinosaur effects were cheap but likable but they were also the only thing that really made either of their fantasies stand-out.

And so, season 6 ends, not with a bang but a whimper.  Tattoo waves goodbye one last time.  I’m going to miss him.