Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Degrassi Junior High 1.11 “It’s Late”

Posted on November 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi Junior High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1987 to 1989! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

This week, we have the episode that would eventually turn out to be the most important in the history of the Degrassi franchise.

Episode 1.11 “It’s Late”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on March 29th, 1987)

This is it. This is not only the episode that really established Degrassi Junior High as a show that dealt, honestly, with things that teenagers were actually dealing with but it’s also the episode that, albeit unintentionally, lay the groundwork for what would become Degrassi: The Next Generation. It was an episode that was considered to be so controversial that the BBC refused to air the episode. Indeed, It’s Late would not air in the UK until 1988, by which point the repercussions of this episode had already been felt in every episode that followed.

(How confusing must it have been to be a British Degrassi fan in the 80s?)

This episode opens with a party at Lucy’s house where, as usual, Lucy’s parents are not present. While Joey, Wheels, and the twins wait outside, Spike and her boyfriend, Shane, lock themselves in a guest room. “What are you guys doing in there?” one of the twins — I think it was Heather but who knows, to be honest — repeatedly asks.

A few weeks later, Spike comes to school in a bad mood. She’s late to Mr. Raditch’s class and Mr. Raditch mentions — in front of everyone! — that Spike’s grades have been suffering and that she’s no longer that good role model that she used to be. (Seriously, that’s kind of harsh, Raditch.) When Shane smiles at her from the back of the classroom, Spike looks away without a word.

After class, Joey and Wheels try to get Shane to tell them about what happened at the party. “Haven’t you guys ever had sex before?” Shane asks, with a smirk that is just begging to be slapped off of his face. Both Joey and Wheels lie and say that they’ve had lots of sex. But still, Joey has some questions. For instance, why won’t Spike talk to Shane. Shane says he’s not sure what Spike is upset about. “I bet she’s got her period!” Joey announces.

However, as Spike tells Heather and Erica Farrell, the opposite is the case. She’s late and she’s now frightened that she might be pregnant. Unfortunately, Spike has no one to talk to about sex. She’s scared to tell her mother (Rhonda Kristi). The twins are clueless about sex. Lucy tells Spike not to worry because she’s heard that you can’t get pregnant from your first time. When Spike tells Shane that she’s scared that she might be pregnant, Shane walks away from her without a word. Spike is totally alone and can only watch and listen as people around her either go crazy over baby pictures or complain about how much they can’t stand their kids.

Eventually, Spike does buy a pregnancy test but, when she arrives home, her mother demands to know what’s in the bag. Finally, Spike shows her the test and Spike’s mother takes her to a clinic to find out for sure. Shane, who still looks shell-shocked, also shows up at the clinic. Spike’s mother tells Spike that no matter what happens, “I’m behind you.”

And….

Actually, let’s get the B-plot out of the way really quickly. Yes, even the most important episode in the history the Degrassi franchise had a B-plot, featuring Arthur and Yick. In this case, Yick has to work up the courage to ask out Melanie. And he finally does, though only after misquoting a poem and causing Melanie to have an allergic reaction by giving her a bunch of flowers. Still, Melanie is excited to ice skating with Yick. Good for them! I just hope Yick can actually go on his date without Arthur demanding to come along. Seriously, Arthur is way too clingy.

Anyway, back to the plot we care about.

Spike is pregnant! The episode ends with Spike and Shane talking in a school stairwell, trying to figure out what they’re going to do. Neither wants to be a parent. Spike doesn’t think that she could have a baby and give it up for adoption. She says, “Maybe I could just not have it,” just for Shane to say that he’s against abortion. Of course, Shane also says, “You’re not going to want me to marry you, are you?” so maybe Shane should just keep his opinions to himself.

“It was just a little mistake,” Spike says.

“It was kind of a big mistake,” Shane replies.

The episode ends with a freeze-frame of Spike’s tear-streaked face. Suddenly, the cheerful Degrassi music starts up. Other reviewers have commented on how jarring it can sometimes be to hear the peppy Degrassi theme song after spending 30 minutes watching teenagers deal with things like eating disorders, bullying, drug abuse, mental health issues, and unplanned pregnancies and they have a point. That said, in this case, the combination of the very sad freeze frame and the jaunty music actually provides a bit of a relief for a very dramatic episode. It gives the viewer an excuse to breathe a sigh of relief and smile.

This is one of Degrassi Junior High‘s best episodes, one that is intelligently written and which also is carried by Amanda Stepto’s strong and emotionally honest performance as Spike. (Reportedly, for years after this episode aired, Stepto received letters from girls asking her for advice.) Those of us who are fans of the Degrassi franchise know that Spike is going to keep the baby, Shane is going to have a bad acid trip and end up in an assisted living facility, and their daughter is going to be the center of the first eight seasons of Degrassi: The Next Generation. We also know that Joey is eventually become much less of a jerk and Spike is going to end up marrying Snake. But that’s all waiting in the future. This episode ends with two teenagers still struggling to come to terms with the fact that, at 14, their lives have changed forever.

Retro Television Reviews: The Secret Life of John Chapman (dir by David Lowell Rich)

Posted on November 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1976’s The Secret Life of John Chapman! It can be viewed on Tubi.

John Chapman (Ralph Waite) is a mild-mannered college president and a recent widower. Everyone tends to assume that John grew up wealthy but John is actually the son of a bricklayer. As he puts it, his father literally helped to build the college of which John is now president. John has felt lost and directionless ever since the passing of his wife. When his rebellious son (Brad Davis) announces that he’s going to drop out of college and pursue a career as a laborer, John is at first outraged but soon, he’s wondering if perhaps his son has a point. Has John spent so much time cocooned in his college that he’s lost touch with the rest of the world?

John takes a sabbatical and pursues a career as a blue collar worker. He discovers that it’s not as easy as he assumed. Because John doesn’t want to reveal that he’s an academic, John doesn’t really have any references to offer up to potential employers. Because he’s nearly 50, John is continually told that he’s too old for most of the jobs that he applies for. When he goes into a bar and attempts to order a dry martini, he quickly realizes that he has no idea what it’s like to be blue collar.

John eventually does get a job, helping to lay water pipes. His boss is the gruff Gus Reed (Pat Hingle), who John eventually discovers is not quite as fearsome a figure as he originally appears. Once the pipe job is done, John gets a job in a diner and even pursues a tentative romance with a waitress (Susan Anspach) who, as she points out, comes from a totally different world than him. And yet, despite John’s efforts, his son remains unimpressed. According to his son, John is just slumming. He has the freedom to quit and return to the college whenever he wants.

Yikes! John’s son is a bit judgmental and it doesn’t help that he’s played by Brad Davis, who was never a particularly likable actor. (Davis later starred in Midnight Express, in which director Alan Parker used his lack of likability to good effect.) Yet, watching the film, you can’t help but feel that John’s son has a point. At times, it seems like John wants a lot of credit for spending a week working in the type of job that most people take because they don’t have any other option. Indeed, you could argue that John’s project is basically keeping someone who really needs the money from finding a job. It’s not like John gives up any of his money when he goes to work. It doesn’t help that John Chapman narrates his story and his voice-over often feels like a parody of liberal noblesse oblige.

Fortunately, Ralph Waite was a likable actor and he plays John Chapman as being well-intentioned if occasionally a bit condescending. The made-for-TV movie plays like a pilot and it’s easy to imagine a series in which John Chapman would have worked a different job every week. It’s a slight but pleasant-enough made-for-TV movie. Seen today, it works best as a time capsule, a portrait of a society still trying to find its identity in the wake of the turbulence of the 60s.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Check It Out! 1.8 “….Or Get Off The Pot”

Posted on November 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

After celebrating Thanksgiving and my sister’s birthday, all in the same week, I’m exhausted but I still managed to review yet another episode of Check It Out! So, I guess …. check it out below!

Episode 1.8 “….Or Get Off The Pot”

(Dir by Ari Dikijian, originally aired on November 20th, 1985)

As this week’s episode opens, Edna (Dinah Christie) is excited because it’s her 7-year anniversary with Howard! Seven years ago, Howard took her out to celebrate Secretary’s Day and they ended up going back to his place. What some people would call a clear breach of workplace etiquette, Edna calls the beginning of something wonderful. She can’t wait to see what Howard is going to do for their anniversary!

And what is Howard planning on doing? He’s planning on going bowling with the guys.

YIKES!

Realizing that Howard seems to have real issues with commitment, Edna follows a friend’s advice and she demands that Howard join her in seeing a relationship therapist. Howard is not a big fan of therapy and he tries to get out of it by moving back his bowling game and offering to take Dinah to a theme restaurant afterwards. (The restaurant’s theme? Bowling!) Edna does not agree. Therapy it is!

Needless to say, the therapy doesn’t go well. There’s only one happy couple at the session and they’re married but not to each other. Everyone else is miserable, despite the fact that their therapist is played by Helen Seymour, who played the nice (and doomed) laundromat owner in the original My Bloody Valentine. Edna eventually gives Howard an ultimatum about proposing to her but she changes her mind after Howard apologizes for taken her for granted. After a night of anniversary sex (“You apologized several times,” Edna says), Howard agrees to marry her someday and Edna agrees not to run off with her building’s gardener.

Meanwhile, the employees of Cobb’s pool their money to buy Howard and Edna an anniversary gift. Why would they do that? Like seriously, they’re always talking about how little they get paid but now, they’re pooling their money to buy a gift for someone else’s anniversary? Anyway, Christian takes their money and buys Howard a new golf club. Good for him!

This episode didn’t add up too much but, on the plus side, Don Adams and Dinah Christie had more chemistry in this episode than they had in previous episodes. This is the first time, since I started watching this show, that I’ve believed Howard and Edna as a couple. That said, their relationship is still probably the least interesting part of this show. So far, the best episodes of Check It Out! have been the ones taking place not in the office but on the salesfloor.

Next week, someone is stealing the store’s pricey gourmet food! Can Howard catch the Phantom of the Market!?

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 2.22 “I’m Having Their Baby”

Posted on November 25, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, the Sweathogs make like difficult for a pregnant woman.

Episode 2.22 “I’m Having Their Baby”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on February 24th, 1977)

At the apartment, Gabe is saying goodbye to Julie because he’s going to a week-long teacher’s convention. Before he leaves, Gabe tells Julie about his uncle, who worked at the same job for several years without getting a promotion because he wasn’t bright enough.

Meanwhile, at school, the Sweathogs are waiting for their substitute and wondering why Mr. Kotter did not invite Mrs. Kotter to the convention. Why do they care? I always made fun of City Guys for the bizarre obsession all of the students had for their principal but the Sweathogs are almost as bad with their obsessing on the Kotter marriage. Mr. Woodman steps into the room and introduces them to their substitute, Mr. Overly (Frank Corsentino). Woodman assures Mr. Overly that the Sweathogs are wonderful students.

Later, the Sweathogs are hanging around outside of the school and talking about how Mr. Overly left the classroom in tears. Julie walks by, carrying a bunch of groceries. The Sweathogs help her take the groceries to her apartment. Unaware that Julie hates them and is trying to get them to go home, they all decide to hang out in her living room. Epstein mentions that all of the Sweathogs’s mothers were pregnant at one time or another.

“Not my mother,” Barbarino replies, “She’s a saint.” Barbarino goes on to explain that stork “don’t bring babies no more …. they fired the storks.”

Julie tells the Sweathogs, “I am a pregnant woman and pregnant women have cravings. I’m craving privacy.”

Usually, Julie kind of annoys me but she’s absolutely right here. GO HOME, SWEATHOGS! Seriously, Gabe should have called the police the first time they broke in through the fire escape.

The next day, at school, the Sweathogs — with the exception of Barbarino — finally figure out that Julie was mad at them and now, Gabe will be angry at them. Freddie says that they need to do something to make it up to Julie. “What would a young expectant mother want?” he wonders.

“A husband!” Epstein says.

“She’s got a husband!”

“A better one!”

Epstein suggests throwing a surprise party …. oh no, this sound like a bad idea….

Woodman then shows up with the new substitute (Ned Wertimer), who says he doesn’t want any trouble and that he has two kids.

“They’re going to miss ya,” Epstein says.

After school, the Sweathogs somehow get into the Kotter apartment, even though Julie is not there. Sweathogs, this is not a good idea! Apparently, they’ve decided to clean the apartment for Julie, which leads to Epstein accidentally trashing the place while trying to vacuum and Horshack putting way too much dish soap in the sink. Soon, there are bubbles everywhere. Julie comes home to discover the apartment trashed.

“Surprise!” Barbarino shouts.

“What are you guys doing here!?” Julie demands.

“Cleaning up!” Epstein replies.

The Sweathogs apologize and Barbarino actually has a tear in his eye. (Awwwwww! BARBARINO!) Gabe calls and Julie tells him that the Sweathogs are at the apartment. Freddie takes the phone and says, “Hi there.” Horshack, who is really annoying in this episode, grabs the phone and yells, “Hello, big buckaroo!” Julie gets the phone back and assures Gabe that the Sweathogs have been total gentlemen.

Hanging up the phone, Julie thanks the Sweathogs for their good intentions. The Sweathogs return to school, where they discover that their third substitute (Larry Brooks) is 7’1 and not easily intimidated.

Finally, Woodman stops by the apartment and tells Julie a joke about a woman who goes to the police after a random man tells her that her baby is the ugliest he’s ever seen. The policeman says, “Lady, calm down. We’ll make out a report, you’ll have a cup of coffee, and we’ll get a banana for your monkey.” Julie is not amused but I laughed typing the joke out. Woodman is so proud of the joke that you can’t help but be happy for him. You also can’t help but appreciate the gleeful madness that John Sylvester White brought to the role.

I have to say, as someone who really, really likes her space, this episode made me cringe. It takes a lot to make me feel sorry for Julie but the Sweathogs pulled it off! As the second season comes to a close (we’ve got the finale next week), it’s hard not to notice that Sweathogs have been progressively been getting more and more cartoonish in their antics. They were always pretty over-the-top but, during the first season and the first half of the second season, they still came across as being believable teenagers. When the show started, there was a vulnerability to the Sweathogs, all of whom were basically good kids who had spent their entire life being told they were worthless. That vulnerability seems to disappear after the Sweathogs got locked in that museum and that’s kind of a shame.

Next week, season 2 comes to an end!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.6 “A Secret No More”

Posted on November 24, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, things get muddy!

Episode 2.6 “A Secret No More”

(Dir by Don McCutcheon, originally aired on November 7th, 1988)

“On this episode….”

No, sorry, Mr. T does not utter those words at the start of this week’s episode of T and T. Starting with the second season, the show did away with the practice of Mr. T introducing each episode. It’s a shame because that was always one of the best parts of every episode. I especially would have liked to have heard how Mr. T would have introduced this episode, which features a lot of mud wrestling. “On this episode, Amy and I explore the world of mud wrestling and everyone gets dirty.”

This week’s episode find Amy and T.S. hired by an insurance company after a Canadian Senator named Sam Smale (Leon Pownall) is apparently killed by a car bomb. If the insurance company can prove that the car bomb was planted by gangsters instead of terrorists, the company can get out of paying any money to the senator’s wife. Wait? What? How does that work? Is that really something that would be put into an insurance policy? I guess the idea is that terrorists would be targeting Sen. Smale because of his job while gangsters would be targeting Sen. Smale because he was corrupt. I don’t know. It’s weird.

Sen. Smale was frequently seen hanging out at Toronto’s busiest mud wrestling club. The club is owned by the Granger Brothers, Charlie (Michael Copeman) and Red (Ric Sarabia). (“Those are two bad brothers,” T.S. says.) A review of the senator’s assets reveals that he was nearly broke. (“Senator business must be bad,” T.S. says.) Could Sam Smale have gotten into debt with the loan-sharking Granger brothers?

T.S. heads over to the club, where he meets the newest mud wrestler, K.C. Morgan (special guest star Vanity). K.C., however, is no ordinary mud wrestler. Instead, she’s a reporter working undercover and she’s uncovered evidence that the Senator was doing business with the Grangers! Needless to say, this leads to Amy, K.C., and T.S. all getting into a fight with the Grangers in the mud pit. It also leads to Senator Smale suddenly showing up and revealing that he faked his death and was planning on running off with the insurance money. T.S. promptly punches the senator and the corrupt politician ends up in the mud pit. Later, at the gym, T.S. talks about how silly Amy looked covered in mud and K.C. goes out on a date with T.S.’s best friend, Decker. (We learn, from K.C., that Decker’s first name is actually Danforth.) And that’s the end of that!

This episode packed quite a bit into 22 minutes. In fact, it was all a bit too rushed. This is one of those episodes that would have benefitted from an hour’s running time. I have to admit that I laughed out loud when the supposedly dead senator suddenly showed up with a gun on his hand, just because it was such an out-of-nowhere yet kind of lovable plot development. This was a totally ridiculous episode but that’s what made it fun. T and T is at its best when it embraces its own absurdity.

Next week, T.S. battles a crack dealer.

“On this episode, Amy and I attack the whack….”

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.9 “Catch A Falling Star”

Posted on November 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, the highway leads to Hollywood!

Episode 1.9 “Catch a Falling Star”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on Nov. 14, 1984)

In this rather slight episode, Daniel Davis plays movie star Lance Gaylord. Lance is both producing and starring in a western and he’s so dedicated to the film that he rarely sees his two children, Brock (Bobby Jacoby) and Karen (Emily Moultrie). His son has been acting out and Lance thinks that it’s just because the kid is a brat and he’s upset about his parents getting divorced. The truth, of course, is that Brock just wants his father’s attention.

Jonathan and Mark show up on the set of Lance’s movie and explain that they’ve been sent over by the Darwin Agency. (An angel who works for the Darwin Agency? Take that, secular humanism!) Lance tells Jonathan and Mark to keep an eye on his kids while he’s shooting his movie.

The problem is an obvious one. How can Jonathan get Lance to spend more time with his children, especially his angry son? Well, maybe the child star who is appearing in the movie could come down with the chicken pox. And then, maybe with Jonathan’s encouragement, Brock could try out for the role. At first, Lance angrily says that he will not even allow his son to audition but when Brock runs away from home and Jonathan yells at him for not being there for his son, Lance realizes the errors of his ways. When Brock returns home, he gets his audition and he gets the role. He also finally gets to go fishing with his dad.

Probably the most interesting thing about this episode is how little actually happens. It really doesn’t take much for Lance to see the errors of his ways. He just needs Jonathan to yell at him for a minute or two. The whole thing epitomizes the feel-good blandness that the show was known for. In the end, Lance isn’t a bad father. He just needed to be reminded to do what was right. Myself, I’m more concerned with the fact that Lance’s film looks way too old-fashioned to be a hit, even in the 80s. As soon as I saw Lance dressed up like a cowboy, I thought to myself, “Oh, this movie is going to be such a flop that careers are going to end.” Hopefully, Lance is keeping productions costs down or he might never work in Hollywood again.

This episode’s big scene actually doesn’t have anything to do with Lance or his children. Instead, it comes when Jonathan and Mark go to a grocery store and end up getting confronted by a junkie (Dennis A. Pratt) with a gun. With the junkie attempts to shoot Jonathan, Jonathan snatches the bullet out of the air. At the police drag him away, the junkie shouts that he’s never going to drugs again. Obviously, Jonathan and Mark were changing lives everywhere!

Next week, Jonathan and Mark help out on another film set!

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.8 “Rebel With a Cause”

Posted on November 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer learns karate and Joey is tempted to the dark side.

Episode 1.8 “Rebel With a Cause”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on December 16th, 1983)

Poor Joey!

Jennifer has decided to learn karate. Why a ghost would need to learn karate, I do not know. However, while showing off her newly learned moves to Joey, Jennifer kicks his bed and causes it to collapse. Mr. Eliot rushes into the room and, because he can’t see Jennifer, he assumes that Joey must have been jumping up and down on his bed despite the fact that Joey is a teenager in high school. Joey’s allowance will go to buying a new bed!

The next day, at school, Joey makes the mistake of asking out the girlfriend of the school’s biggest bully. Fortunately, Jennifer materializes just in time to beat up the school bully. Again, because no one can see Jennifer, everyone assumes that Joey beat up the bully. The bully’s gang decides to make Joey their new leader.

At first, Joey is reluctant. But when people at school start to act like they’re scared of him and start to do favors for him, the power goes to Joey’s head. Soon, Joey is wearing a leather jacket and trying to be tough. Jennifer points out that this isn’t who Joey is and, deep down, Joey knows that. When the entire gang shows up at Joey’s house, Jennifer suddenly materializes and pretends to be Joey’s biker girlfriend which somehow scares the gang off.

This is a confusing episode, largely due to the fact that the show has never clearly established just what exactly Jennifer can and can’t do as a ghost. In some episodes, like this one, she can materialize and be seen by others. In other episodes, it’s been suggested that only Joey will ever be able to see her. In just the previous episode, Jennifer had the power to possess other people but, in this episode, she doesn’t even use that power despite the fact that it would have gotten both her and Joey out of a lot of trouble. (If Jennifer has possessed Joey and then beat up the bully, it would have certainly made more sense than everyone assuming Joey beat up the bully despite the fact that Joey would standing several feet away while Jennifer put the guy in his place.) And, again, why would Jennifer learn karate in the first place? Who is teaching her? When did she learn? Jennifer mentions that she’s met a lot of bikers in the afterlife but when was that? As far as I can tell, Jennifer spends all of her time harassing Joey at the house.

Even if you ignore all of the inconsistencies with Jennifer, you have to wonder why, in the year 1983, Joey is going to a school that is apparently controlled by a 1950s street gang. Seriously, this gang of bullies is even less intimidating than a community theater production of Grease.

It was sweet that Jennifer was so concerned about Joey and, as usual, Ann Jillian brought a lot of heart to the role but this episode just didn’t make any sense.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.8 “Sleeping Dragons”

Posted on November 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, the lizard are leaping!

Episode 1.8 “Sleeping Dragon”

(Dir by Mark Rezyka, originally aired on December 10th, 1988)

Outside of Reno, Nevada, a stone capsule is found. Professor Merrick (Kin Shriner) believes that the capsule is from the prehistoric era and that it might prove his theory that there was a highly-developed society on Earth before the rise of human beings. Merrick brings the capsule to a lab that is located high in the mountains.

While a snow storm rages outside, Merrick and his colleagues, Jeffrey (Russell Johnson) and Jeffrey’s daughter Lisa (Beth Toussaint), examine the capsule. Jeffrey is skeptical of Merrick’s theories while Lisa thinks that the rock could actually be some sort of time capsule that was buried centuries ago. When the three of them leave the lab to get a Geiger counter and some more tools to try to pry the capsule open, a humanoid lizard (Wayne Toth) emerges from the stone.

The Lizard is not a friendly visitor and soon, he’s attacking anyone foolish enough to get close to him. The surviving humans know that he have to find a way to stop the lizard but how do you stop something that you can’t understand? With the blizzard raging outside, no one is leaving the lab until the battle between lizard and human is resolved.

This episode of Monsters had potential but it suffered because of its short runtime. If the episode had a bit more time to emphasis the claustrophobia of the lab and to also allow a bit more suspense as the Lizard tracked down the scientists, it would have been far more effective. As it is, the whole thing felt a bit rushed.

There are two things that I did like about this episode.

First off, it’s a huge plot point that the lab’s phone is dead, which means that the scientists can’t call for help. The scientists assume that the phone is dead either because of the blizzard or because of the Lizard but, in reality, the phone isn’t dead at all. It’s just that Lisa, while stumbling around the office, accidentally unplugged the phone and no one noticed until they actually tried to make a call. That felt like a realistic mistake that one might make while under pressure and it also encouraged the viewer to question whether or not the humans were actually smart enough to survive their lizard encounter.

The second thing that worked about this episode is that lizard man really was frightening. It helped that he stayed in the shadows for most of the episode and, when he did appeared, he moved quickly enough that you really didn’t notice that he was essentially a guy in a rubber suit. He was an effective monster and, in the end, that’s what really matters when it comes to a show like this.

Next week, we’ve got another vampire story!

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 3.17 “April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending”

Posted on November 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a special guest returns!

Episode 3.17 “April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on January 12th, 1980)

Let’s see. This week’s episode is entitled April’s Love/We Three/Happy Ending and….

Wait?

Whose love?

April?

Oh no (or oh yes, depending on how you view things), it’s a Charo episode!

Charo was hardly the only celebrity to frequently appear on The Love Boat but she was the only one to always play the same character. April first boarded the ship as a stowaway and then she returned as an entertainer. She appeared at least once in almost every season. In many ways, Charo was the perfect fit for The Love Boat. She was loud, flamboyant, and shameless. She was sexy but innocent. She was the epitome of The Love Boat aesthetic. At the same time, a little Charo went a long way and, whenever she boarded the ship, you knew the episode was pretty much going to be 75% Charo.

That’s the case here, in which the crew makes such a big deal over April that you have to wonder if they’re aware that there are other passengers on board. April boards the ship with her manager and fiancé, Honest Tex (Forrest Tucker). The crew doesn’t trust Honest Tex, especially when they find out that he was a used car salesman before he met April. When Honest Tex hears Julie playing her flute and offers to get her a recording contract, the crew assumes that he wants to cheat on April!

(Side note: Since when did Julie start playing the flute?)

Fortunately, Honest Tex turns out to be sincere and he really does have a heart as big as Texas. After April tells him what the crew has been saying about him, Honest Tex admits that he has been lying about something. He was actually born in New Jersey. April sings a song, the crew apologizes, and April and Honest Tex leave the boat a happy couple.

While this is going on, William and Betty Robinson (Don Adams and Juliet Mills) board the boat so they can get some work done. They are married screenwriters but they are on the verge of divorce. Once they finish their current script, they can split up. The only problem is that William doesn’t want to split up with her. Isaac suggests that William just never finish the script. William hides the script in his nightstand and then, saying that it’s been lost, he works with Betty to write a new script in which a couple stays together. Betty and William realize that they still love each other. Betty discovers that William hid the script but she then confesses that she had another copy of the original script the whole time. Awwwwwww! This was a cute story. Don Adams was a lot more likable here than he is on Check It Out! and Juliet Mills is a lot less annoying than her sister Hayley.

(Admittedly, I really only know Hayley from her time as Miss Bliss on those weird episodes of Saved By The Bell. But seriously, Miss Bliss was the worst!)

Finally, Tom Thornton (Ross Martin) boards the boat and is surprised to see his ex-girlfriend, Martha (Marjorie Lord), and Martha’s adopted daughter, Laura Rogers (Laurie Walters). Laura happens to be Tom’s daughter! Tom isn’t sure whether or not he should reveal he is Laura’s father but meeting Vicki and hearing about how happy Vicki was when she discover Captain Stubing was her father leads to Tom telling Laura the truth. Laura is happy to have a father and Martha is happy to reunite with Tom. This was another sweet story, featuring sincere performances from both Ross Martin and Marjorie Lord. (Plus, Vicki finally did something to justify breaking all of the labor laws that are undoubtedly being violated by having a 12 year-old working on a cruise ship.)

This episode featured two sweet and sincerely-acted stories but both of them are overshadowed by April and Honest Tex. Personally, I think April is an amusing character and, as I said, Charo was the epitome of the ideal Love Boat celebrity guest. But it’s still hard not to feel that the other passengers deserved just as much attention as Charo received in this episode. That said, this was still an enjoyable cruise. A good time was had by all. I know Charo will return in future episodes but I have a feeling we’ll never hear from Honest Tex again.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.2 “Bad Blades”

Posted on November 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, David Hasselhoff battles John O’Hurley on Baywatch Nights!

Episode 1.2 “Bad Blades”

(Dir by George Fenady, originally aired on October 7th, 1995)

Cosmetics mogul Frances Sandreen (Lois Nettleton) has hired Mitch, Garner, and Ryan to help her track down her wayward son, Todd (Jason Hervey). Like a lot of rich and spoiled kids, Todd has had his problems with the law. He’s a wanderer, someone who has spent most of his short life pursuing extreme sports and who dropped out of college after just a semester or two. Mitch and Garner think that the kid sounds like a spoiled brat but they need the money so they take the case.

(Why is Mitch so poor? He never seemed to be struggling financially on Baywatch.)

Unfortunately, Todd has fallen in with an even worse crowd than his old prep school friends. He’s joined a group of roller-skating burglars who rob apartments and delivery vans and then skate away into the darkness. One reason why they’re so good at their job is because they spend hours every day practicing. If you’ve ever wanted to spend 20 minutes of your life watching footage of people skating off of ramps in slow motion, this episode should be right up your alley.

Leading this gang of thieves is the impeccably-dressed Kemp. Kemp is played by John O’Hurley of Dancing With Stars, Family Feud, and Seinfeld fame. (O’Hurley also appeared in a few episodes of Baywatch, always playing a different character.) With his perfect haircut and his resonant voice, O’Hurley makes for an entertaining villain. There’s nothing about O’Hurley’s performance that suggests that he is in any way taking the role of Kemp particularly seriously. O’Hurley plays him like a comic book villain and that is definitely to the episode’s benefit.

As entertaining as O’Hurley and the skating scenes are, this episode reveals a huge problem with the first season of Baywatch Nights. Other than the fact that Hasselhoff is wearing a shirt for the entire runtime, there’s nothing about this episode to really distinguish it from a typical episode of Baywatch. Baywatch has its share of episodes about spoiled rich kids and their worried parents. Baywatch was always looking for an excuse to pad out an episode with some extreme sports footage. Even the scene where Garner and Mitch chase the thieves across the Los Angeles river felt like it was lifted from Baywatch or any other Los Angeles-based crime show for that matter.

As well, it’s impossible not to notice that, for an a show called Baywatch Nights, most of the action takes place during the day. I thought being a private eye was only supposed to be Mitch’s night job. Who is watching the beach while Mitch is investigating crimes? It really does seem like Mitch is violating some sort of lifeguard code here.

Next week: Mitch searches for the only witness to a murder!