Category Archives: TV

Scenes I Love: It’s Cthulhu!

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Unlike the other “scenes I love,” (oddly, I never realized how silly that looks until I put it in quotation marks), this scene does not come from a movie.  It comes from perhaps the most important TV show ever — South Park.

Unfortunately, the best version of this scene to be found on YouTube has also had “embedding disabled by request.”  The 2nd best version can be embedded but also has this annoying banner that runs across the bottom of the screen, trying to get you to check out someone’s blog. 

That left me with two versions to choose from.  The third one is only 6 seconds long and only contains the very end of the scene.  The fourth one is the entire scene but it was apparently filmed by someone pointing his camera directly at his TV screen.

So, for what its worth, here’s 6 seconds of a scene I love, the historic first appearance of Cthulhu on South Park…

 Cthulhu, by the way, isn’t quite as adorable as the sea otters from the future or the guinea pirates from Pandemic but he’s still cute in a Dark Lord sort of way.  Still, nothing could ever be more precious than those guinea pirates…

The New Absolute Worst Freakin’ Commercial Of All Freakin’ Time

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

The Jeep people can breathe a sigh of relief because their little Marxist propaganda film is no longer the worst freakin’ commercial of all freakin’ time.  No, the title has been stolen by another.

As you watch this commercial, just remember that it’s an advertisement for Citibank that was made after the federal government bailed out them out.  So, if you’re an American citizens, chances are that you paid for this commercial.

Okay, there’s so much about this commercial that is just soooo wrong.  

The guy narrating the commercial has a truly annoying serial killer-style voice.  Seriously, he sounds like Dexter should be dumping his corpse over the side of a boat. 

The woman playing the mother is a terrible actress as evidenced by her notably “enthusiastic” reaction to whatever it is that she eats at the local “deli.” 

There’s also this whole idea of Turkey — which has one of the WORST human rights records on the planet — serving as some sort of 21st century version of post-World War I Paris.  It’s nice of Citibank to let us know that actually, there’s little difference between Istanbul and Queens. 

Also, don’t you just hate the faux casual way that their son is all like, “So, I just decided to send them their old seats from the stadium…”  I mean, get over yourself. 

But ultimately, this commercial fails for one big and obvious reason and there’s a very important lesson here.  This commercial’s failure is ultimately all about casting. 

We’re specifically given two bits of information in this commercial.  First off, we’re told that the narrator’s father has moved to Turkey because he was “transferred” there by whatever soulless corporation it is that he works for.  And we’re also told that his father celebrated his “30-year anniversary” in Turkey.  

And I guess that would all be good and well except for the fact that his father appears to be about 130 years old in the commercial.  Seriously, his company should be paying him a pension as opposed to sending him off to live in one of the most oppressive countries ever.  His wife only appears to be 120 but that still means that she was probably in her 90s when she gave birth to her smug little mass murderer of a son.  He owes her a lot more than just some nasty, germ-filled seats from “the old stadium.”

You know what would have made this commercial a lot more effective and enjoyable?  If the seats from the old stadium had arrived with a few dozen bags of hash taped to the back of them.   And then we could have watched that 130 year-old man try to smuggle them back to the United States just to then get caught right before boarding the flight back home.

Call it Citibank Express.

A Quickie With Lisa Marie: Prom Night (Directed by Paul Lynch)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

As I mentioned in another post, my sister Erin and I spent Tuesday night watching the Killer Party Marathon on Chiller.  One of the movies we saw was the original 1980 Prom Night, starring Jamie Lee Curtis and directed by Paul Lynch.  Prom Night, of course, was remade two years ago with cross-eyed dumbfug Brittany Snow as the star.  If, like me before Tuesday night, you’re only familiar with the tepid and bland remake than the original Prom Night is a surprise indeed.

The original Prom Night is an old school slasher film, one of the many that came out in the two years immediately after Halloween.  It even stars the star of Halloween, Jamie Lee Curtis.  Prom Night also stars a lot of Canadians because it was one of the many low-budget B-movies that was made in Canada in the early 80s.  Apparently, Canada was offering tax breaks to film companies willing to shoot up north.  Several web sites have said that the setting is obviously Canadian but I couldn’t really tell.  Of course, I’m from Texas.  Anything above Arkansas looks like Canada to me.

Plotwise, the film is pretty much your traditional old school slasher film.  There’s a terrible tragedy in the past, an innocent man is blamed for it, and ten years later, teenagers end up getting killed at some communal event.  In this case, the tragedy is the death of a young girl who is killed during a truly demonic game of tag.  The children responsible for her death lie about what happened and a disfigured drifter is convicted and imprisoned for her murder.  As for the communal event, in this case, it’s prom night.  The killer stalks the prom, which is what I suggested my classmates call our prom way back when.  They disagreed and that’s their loss.  The Killer Stalks The Prom would have been a story to remember.

Anyway, here’s a few random thoughts about the original Prom:

1) As with all old school slasher films, it’s interesting to see just how much of the early products of this all-American genre borrowed from the Italian giallo genre.   Everything from the elaborate, past tragedy to the black gloves worn by the killer to the attempts to keep audiences guessing who the killer actually is to even the supporting character of the burned out cop simply screams giallo.  The main thing that the Americans brought to the giallo format was the idea of having the murders revolve around a previously innocent gathering or holiday.

2) Especially when compared to recent “slasher” films, Prom Night is a relentlessly grim film.  Prom Night’s killer doesn’t waste any time with comic relief or one-liners.  He’s too busy savagely killing people.  And our victims aren’t the usual collection of bimbos and soulless jocks.  No, this is the type of movie where even the token virgin ends up getting her throat ripped out with a gigantic shard of glass.  There’s not a lot of deaths in Prom Night, just six.  But they all hurt.

3) I usually just think of Jamie Lee Curtis as the crazy woman selling Activia on Lifetime but this movie shows that she’s actually a pretty good actress.  Even working with a script that isn’t exactly full of brilliant dialogue or multi-faceted characters, Curtis is a sympathetic, likable, and most of all, believable heroine (which is all the more remarkable when you consider that she, like everyone else in this film, appears to be far-too old to still be worrying about the prom).  She even manages to make the film’s ending rather touching and even poignant.  And how many slasher films can you say that about?

4) Prom Night is as much about tacky — yet insanely catchy — disco music as it is about spilling blood.  Seriously, if I owned the soundtrack to this film, I would listen to it 24/7 for two years straight.  I’d force all of my friends to listen to it too and eventually we’d all go insane and just spend the rest of our lives wandering around going, “Prom night!  Everything is alright!”

5) One last thing — Prom Night showcases what has to be the most believable, cheap, and tasteless prom ever put on film.  The theme is Disco Madness and the students are all very chic in that way that even they know will be painfully dated in another two years.  Indeed, this is one of the rare films that understands that the perfect prom is nothing less than an unintentional camp spectacular.  For someone like me who, as the result of seeing too many episodes of Saved By The Bell: The New Class, grew up with an unrealistic expectation of what the senior prom would be, the original Prom Night remains a refreshing breath of fresh air even 30 years after it was made.

And always remember: “Prom Night!  Everything is all right…”

A Commercial For Crystal Meth

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi.  I came across this old commercial for Crystal Meth on YouTube earlier this year and it has really stuck with me.  I have a fear that this is another one of those things that everyone else on the planet has already seen but oh well.  Better late than never.

It’s debatable just how effective this commercial is, to be honest.  Because while I don’t think anyone would say it’s necessarily a good thing to get hooked on meth, that little jingle is so freaking catchy.  I have to admit that I recently found myself singing it while I was cleaning the kitchen.  Also, and admitedly a lot of this has to do with me being OCD, it’s hard for me to really see the downside of having the cleanest house on the street.  So, no, the commercial did not sell me on meth.  But it did make me want to go clean the house.

Finally, I can’t end this post without including Sin33’s remix of the Meth Song.

The Worst Freakin’ Commercial Of All Time

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, about a month and a half ago, Arleigh and I had a little disagreement on which commercial deserved the title of Best Freakin’ Commercial Of All Time.  I argued for the cute little Kia commercials featuring the Sockmonkey and the Freaky Red Thing in Vegas.  Arleigh, however, claimed that the title actually belonged to a series of ads featuring a scary football player destroying stuff and selling deodorant.  Okay, that’s fine.  Friends can disagree.  In the end all that matters is that I love Sockmonkey and Sockmonkey loves me and we don’t care what you think.  So there.

However, all throughout that debate, neither one of us mentioned any possible contenders for the worst commercial of all time.  To be honest, there’s probably too many contenders to really pick just one.  However, I definitely have a least favorite and here it is…

Okay, maybe this isn’t the worst commercial of all time.  In fact, in many ways, it’s oddly effective.  However, if it’s not the worst, it’s certainly the most insulting. 

What are my specific objections to this commercial?   Thank you for asking.

1) I don’t care how effective the freaking 3-D was, the story still sucked!  Oh, wait a minute.  That’s my specific objection to Avatar.  Sorry, it’s been a long week.

Okay, let’s try this again.

1) First off, do I really need a car company to tell me what it means to be an American?  Ever since they got their asses bailed out in ’09, American car companies have been producing the most pompous, condescending commercials possible.  Whereas once we just saw footage of people driving too fast, car commercials today just feel like propaganda.  Now, car commercials are narrated somber men going, “You know what America needs?  America needs a comeback.”  No, America doesn’t need a comeback.  You guys just need to get your shit together.  This commercial continues the new tradition of condescending car commercials. 

2) “We have always been a nation of builders…”  Actually, we’ve also been a nation of poets, artists, freethinkers, farmers, atheists, politicians, libertines, and just about every other category under the sun.  I kinda thought that was the whole point.  I mean, is this a car commercial or is it an educational video? 

3) If you’re going to brag about how America is responsible for the Colt Revolver then at least have the balls to actually show a Colt Revolver while you’re doing it.  A bunch of horses races at the Kentucky Downs while a bunch of rich people sit in the stands and cheer has absolutely nothing to do with the Colt Revolver.  The Colt Revolver was not named after a horse, it was named after the man who invented it.  For the most part, horses were imported to America from Asia by way of Europe.  So, just because whoever made this commercial was scared to show a gun, they instead show an image that totally negates the commercial’s message.

4) What’s up with the weird little guy in that radiation suit?  I mean, does he not look like a villainous doctor from some horrific science fiction movie from the early 80s?  Do we really want someone like that working with radioactive material?

5) Yes, I understand the background music is taken from Johnny Cash song and who doesn’t love Johnny Cash?  But the music is still annoyingly repetitive, like the sort of thing that they play to dull your brian during a brainwashing session.

6) “As a people, we tend to do well…”  You know what, Mr. Smug Narrator Man?  As a person, I do well when I’m not building anything at all.  Don’t insult me with all that “as a people…” BS.

7) “The Things We Make, Make Us.”  Seriously, this is the type of empty, collectivist statement that would make George Orwell throw a fit.  Animal Farm much?

The Walking Dead – Official Series Trailer (AMC)

Posted on by Arleigh

Well, it’s now official. AMC has finally released the very same trailer that people not fortunate enough to have attended San Diego Comic-Con last month. This trailer is under 5 minutes long and it’s the same one those who attended the Comic-Con panel for the show saw. Only shaky and grainy bootleg copies of the trailer has been seen outside of that panel. While some bootleg versions were quite good in quality they’re still not a substitute for the official release of the same trailer by AMC for everyone to watch.

This official trailer release was also AMC’s way of finally announcing the premiere date of the 90-minute pilot episode (directed by showrunner and producer Frank Darabont). The pilot will premiere worldwide on Halloween Night, October 31, 2010. While some thought the pilot will premiere early on AMC’s “Fearfest” campaign for October I think it’s appropriate that the series premieres on Halloween Night. I can definitely see many fans of the comic book series planning their Halloween parties to include group watch of the pilot episode the very same night.

Still two months away and this trailer definitely doesn’t make the wait any easier.

Source: The Walking Dead (AMC)

Undercover Boss: An Orwellian Sham

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

I’m not ashamed to admit it.  I love reality TV.  Survivor, Big Brother, Real World, The Amazing Race, Project Runway, the Bachelor(ette) – I could watch these shows forever.  To me, Paradise Hotel (remember that one?) was one of the most brilliant television events in history.  It’s traditional for culture snobs to hate reality television and to spend hours crying about how it represents the decline of civilization and blah blah blah. 

Well, strangely enough, this year has seen the premiere of a reality show that has made me start to say “Blah blah blah.”  What’s worse is that this show has become something of a populist hit, a show that has been embraced by the very people who should hate it.  That show is Undercover Boss.

In Undercover Boss, a CEO goes undercover as an entry level worker in his own company.  The experience is meant to humble him and bring him back down to Earth.  Of course, what’s not mentioned is that each show basically works as a 60-minute commercial for whatever company is being featured on each episode.  For that reason, we hear that the CEO of 7-11 knows that he needs to know how to improve his company’s image.  However, at no point do we say anyone informing the CEO that he might end up getting shot if he works the late shift.

One of the reasons why Undercover Boss has become so popular is that every episode pretty much follows the exact same format.  There’s never anything unexpected hiding in the shadows.  This means that viewers can not only turn off the majority of their brain and still follow what’s going on but that they also get to pat themselves on the back for being able to predict what’s going to happen before it actually does.  The show makes the audience feel smart by making them more stupid.  George Orwell would be proud.

Each episode plays out as follows:

First, we get an overview of whatever company we’ll be investigating tonight.  For the most part, these are companies that we’ve heard of but we rarely give much thought to.  They are also companies that are successful enough that it really doesn’t matter whether the CEO goes undercover or not.

We then meet the CEO.  If the 1st season is any indication, a CEO is a boring white guy who was either given his job by his father or else graduated from an Ivy League college.  Apparently, this is one of those no-girls allowed type of jobs.  I guess we’re just too emotional to handle the responsibility.  We get to see our masculine CEO with his perfect family (which usually consists of a nameless wife and two or three kids just to make sure we know that our male CEO is a real man).  The manly CEO will often make a point of telling us that he loves motorcycles or skydiving or something else that he thinks will make him less inherently boring than he actually is.  The really pathetic CEOs are the ones who insist on being filmed while surfing.  “See, I am too a normal guy!  I own a surf board and wear a wet suit.”

However, the CEO tells us that he feels like he needs to go and get his hands dirty.  He has to know what’s going on in his company.

The CEO then holds a meeting with his “corporate board.”  His corporate board is usually a group of people who are somehow even more boring than the CEO.  For the most part, this corporate board is equally male, white, and bald.  Most of them could also seem to have that unfortunate thing where it’s impossible to tell where the chin ends and the neck begins.  Strangely, a lot of these guys respond to this condition by trying to grow a beard which basically just makes them look a 100 times worse.  Another thing I always notice about these corporate types is that they’re almost always wearing a suit but not a tie.  Instead, they just leave their collar unbuttoned and show off a small fraction of their sweat-stained undershirt.  I’m assuming they’re trying to say that they haven’t become corporate, that they’re still Jenny From The Block no matter how money they’re making.  However, they just look like they forgot to finish getting dressed in the morning.  Seriously, guys, fuck you.

For the sake of diversity, there are usually one or two women on the board.  For the most part, the women are white and their lipstick is bleeding into the wrinkles surrounding their mouth.  There’s usually a black guy on the board too.  Usually, he’s wearing a nametag that reads “Token.”

One odd thing about this show is that every CEO seems to have the same board of directors.  I don’t just mean that all the boards are made up of bald white guys.  I mean, that they seem to be made up by the exact same bald white guys.  Honestly, I’m one of those bohemian artist girls.  I don’t know much about Corporate America.  Maybe there’s a traveling board of directors that goes from company to company.  I’ll have to give the show the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, the CEO says, “I’m going undercover.  I’m going to pretend to be a very verbose blue collar worker with an Ivy League education.  I’m going to lie to people to get them to tell me the truth.  I’ll be in the trenches, working.  Kinda sorta.”

What’s hilarious here is that, while he’s speaking, the camera will always find the one kissass board member who actually starts taking notes.  I always want to know what they are actually writing down.  Maybe something like: I am the Angel of Death.  My time is now while the boss is out…

Another member of the board will then say, “Do you think you can hack it?  I mean, those are silk boxers you’re wearing there.”

Everyone laughs nervously.  The CEO glares and then says, “That’s what I’m going to find out, you smug asshole.”

The CEO goes undercover.  This means that he either stops shaving or he does shave if he’s one of those insecure men who thinks a beard will somehow make him impressive.  He takes off his tie.  He puts on a baseball cap.  BAM, suddenly he’s just your average articulate, well-spoken 57 year-old laid off construction worker.  He tells us that if he’s going to undercover, he’s going to have to live like a poor person.  This apparently means getting a room at some otherwise deserted motel where he promptly proceeds to snort a line of cocaine off the nightstand.  Staring at the camera, he rubs his red nose and says, “Don’t film this, okay?  God, my life is such a fucking lie!”

(I’m still waiting for one of the undercover CEOs to get stabbed to death in the shower…)

The Undercover CEO explains that he’ll be using a fake name.  He also says that the camera crew will be explained away as a crew that’s making a TV show about entry level jobs.  Oddly enough, apparently this story actually works.  Nobody ever says, “Hey, articulate, educated, old white blue collar guy, why are there a bunch of TV cameras following you around?”  Me, I have to wonder why anybody would want to watch a TV show about entry level jobs when they could be watching one about clueless undercover CEOs fucking up in their own companies.

Speaking of which –

The first job that Undercover CEO takes almost always seems to involve a lot of physical activity and speed.  He shows up for the job looking all unshaven and laid off-like.  He meets his new supervisor.  Undercover CEO grins like an idiot and goes, “I’m here to work.”  The new supervisor says, “I give a fuck, kid.”  Again, nobody mentions the camera crew.

Anyway, the supervisor assigns Undercover CEO to do the most demanding, difficult, and demeaning job possible.  The Undercover CEO is assigned to work with either a jovial black man or a fat woman.  The Undercover CEO is really, really impressed by his new co-workers.  “Why they’re just the type of poor people I was hoping I’d meet!” he says. 

They get to work.  Undercover CEO does a terrible job.  He can’t keep up.  The Supervisor comes by and says, several times, “Jesus Christ, strangely soft-spoken blue collar worker, you sure do suck.”  Undercover CEO tells the camera, “This is hard work!”

I think part of the CEO’s problem here is that he simply won’t shut up and do his job.  Instead, he’s spending the whole time asking everyone around him questions like, “How long have you worked here?” and “Do you enjoy your job?” and “How do you work here and take care of your children?”  His coworkers – who need their jobs much more than Undercover CEO – answer every single one of his questions.  Does nobody find it weird that this stranger wants to know about everyone’s children?

Anyway, at the end of his first shift, Undercover CEO is told that he can’t cut it.  “We don’t need you back,” the supervisor says.  Dejected, Undercover CEO goes out, picks up a male prostitute, and goes back to his hotel where he allows his date for the night to tie him down to the bed and drip hot candle wax on his genitals.  (Okay, maybe that was just Michael Rubin, who was probably the most clueless asshole of the 1st season’s CEOs.)

The next day, a properly sore and chastised Undercover CEO goes to work in the “service” part of his company.  He’s either a short order cook or a cashier or something like that.  Again, he’s assigned someone to train him.  This time, the Undercover CEO does his job adequately despite the fact that he still won’t stop harassing his new co-workers with a bunch of inappropriate questions.  He asks, “Do you like working here?” and “What do you think this company could do better?”  Amazingly enough, people still answer him even though there’s a camera crew there filming them.  Does it never occur to these people that there’s something weird about some stranger with a camera crew wanting to know every intimate detail of their lives within minutes of first meeting them? 

Amazingly, Undercover CEOs always end up getting trained by the one person in the company who either needs an organ transplant or who has a child on dialysis.  Undercover CEO is moved to tears.  During his break, he tells the camera, “I wish all my employees were like her.”  Which I guess means that he’s wishing all of his employees were terminally ill and unable to pay for adequate medical coverage.

Undercover CEO returns to his motel.  He’s got a lot to think about now.  He sighs.  “Did you know,” he tells the camera, “that before I became a CEO, I was just another dirty little boy who liked to touch himself?  Somehow, I have to get back in touch with that little boy.  Hold me.”

Day 3, Undercover CEO is forced to deal with the dark underbelly of his corporation.  This was the day that the CEO of 7-11 discovered that one of his stores did not have working lights.  Shrimpy little Michael Rubin had to work with a rude woman in customer service on Day 3.  (“I nearly went off on her,” Michael informs us.  What-evuh, Michael.  Go fuck yourself.)  Most notoriously, the Hooters CEO met a manager who forced his waitresses to play “reindeer games.”  Amazingly, these people engage in their bad behavior even though there’s a camera crew about two feet away from their face.

Undercover CEO’s mad now.  “Yes,” Undercover CEO says, “my company may not be perfect but dammit, that’s just not the way we do things at Hooters! ” Undercover CEO sneaks outside.  He yanks out his cell phone.  He calls someone at the corporate office.  He says, “This is your CEO speaking.  We’ve got bad juju going down.”  The person at corporate probably says, “I’ll get right on that, sir,” in a tone of contempt and seething hatred.  Undercover CEO says, “Get on it, stat!”  He hangs up his phone.  He looks at the camera.  “That’s not the way we do things!” he repeats as saliva forms at the edge of his mouth. 

A few minutes later, a van pulls up in front of Hooters.  Undercover CEO watches as Jack Bauer gets out of the van and runs into Hooters.  For a few seconds, silence.  Then a barrage of gunfire erupts.  Bauer runs out of Hooters and jumps back in the van.  As the van speeds off, the offending Hooters blows up.  Undercover CEO looks at the camera and nods.  “Sometimes,” he says, “it’s about doing what’s right.”

Back at the motel, Undercover CEO grins as he tells the cameraman, “That’s not the first time I’ve had to do that.  What’s funny is that I’m not even the CEO of Hooters.”  Undercover CEO starts to giggle.  “I’ve been a baaaaad wittle boy, mommy,” he says.

Cut to commercial.

The next day, Undercover CEO has his final assignment.  Inevitably, there’s someone at this last job who knows who Undercover CEO actually is.  So Undercover CEO has to have a meeting where he goes, “Hey, I’m all undercover and stuff.  You blow my cover and I’ll have your family killed and fed to a bunch of pigs.”  Everyone agrees to keep Undercover CEO’s identity a secret.  The audience sighs a sigh of relief because the audience is made up of a bunch of total dumgfugs.

Anyway, during the final assignment, Undercover CEO ends up working with an inspiring member of a minority who reaffirms the Undercover CEOs faith in humanity.  Undercover CEO tells the camera, “That guy could be really valuable in this company, even though he’s black/Mexican/Indian/actually a woman.”  Undercover CEO does his final job well.  For some reason, everyone tells him every detail about their lives.  Undercover CEO is moved.

However, Undercover CEO isn’t moved enough to actually give them any of his money.  Instead, he just checks out of the Bates Motel and returns to his corporate office.

He has a meeting with his board of directors.

A member of the board goes, “I heard everyone hated you and you really suck.”

Undercover CEO says, “I’ve seen the light!  We’re going to change how we do things at this company!”

The kissass board member continues to take notes.

Undercover CEO either starts to shave again or else grows his beard back.  He puts on a suit.  He says, “Thank God, I’m rich again.  What are those fucking cameras still doing here?  Oh yeah, I’ve got to let everyone know that I spent a whole day lying to them.”

Everyone that Undercover CEO has worked with is invited to the corporate office.  They’re interviewed as they’re driven to the office.  They say, “I’m scared.  I hope I’m not getting fired.”  None of them seem to connect the current TV cameras to the last group of TV cameras that they saw. 

They meet the CEO.  The CEO says, “You remember me?  I actually run this company!”

“Bullshit!” the former co-worker replies.

“No, it’s true!”

“What-evuh, freak.  Go fuck yourself.”

Most of this is edited out in post-production but you know it happens.

Undercover CEO tells everyone what a great job they’re doing.  And he tells them that he’s going to reward them for being sick or not being able to take care of their children.  (Never mind everyone else in his company who is in a similar situation.) 

The co-worker smiles, probably hoping to hear that he’s getting a raise.

Undercover CEO says, “I was really touched by how your son is about to die if he doesn’t get a kidney transplant.  So, I made a $1,000 dollar contribution to the Stop Global Warming fund.”

“Oh,” the co-worker says, “I guess that’s good.  Considering that I had to do a lot of extra work to cover for your middle-aged ass…”

“Now, get the fuck out of my office and make sure you cut your overtime,” Undercover CEO says.

Finally, everyone who works for Undercover CEO gathers in a conference room where they watch clips of him fucking up.  They all laugh and go, “See, I told you the boss is an idiot!”

Undercover CEO then addresses his employees.  “See,” he says, “I am too a great guy.”

And life goes on.

That so many Americans have apparently been seduced by this obviously manufactured piece of mainstream propaganda is just sad.

The most common adjective that I hear to describe this show is “positive.”  Supposedly, it celebrates the workers of America.  It makes people feel better about their own largely pointless lives.  And to all that, I say “Bullshit.”  Yes, the CEO gets to be poor for a week but he does it secure in the knowledge that it’s only going to be for a week and that he’s not going to lose his job.  The CEO is less an undercover investigator and more of a pampered tourist who looks at poverty all around him, says, “How awful,” and then promptly gets on the next plane home.

The Walking Dead – 5 New Pics from AMC

Posted on by Arleigh

The parade of new promo materials from AMC in regards to their upcoming zombie apocalypse tv series, The Walking Dead, continues with the release of 5 new production photos from the pilot episode (directed by series producer and showrunner, Frank Darabont).

From what I could gather from these five new production photos these shots were taken probably close to the end of the pilot as Rick makes his way into Atlanta in search of Lori and Carl, his wife and son. There’s no denying that I’m very hyped for this show to air. The comic book has been an obsession of mine for over 5 years now and going onto its 6th year.

If we’re to believe what Darabont, Kirkman and Hurd have mentioned before, during and after San Diego Comic-Con then AMC have been very hands-off about how to handle the violence and gore in The Walking Dead as a tv adaptation. While these photos doesn’t show much gore outside of the numerous zombie make-up effects there’s the 4th pic that shows what could be the series’ very first gore money-shot. The angle is all wrong in the shot, but if they sot it from a higher angle as well then here’s to hoping they show some of it. It definitely will show some sort of gutmunching.

One thing which was mentioned during the Q&A at the panel for The Walking Dead at Comic-Con was a possibility of the first season being shown as B&W just like Darabon’t B&W version of his own apocalptic-horror, The Mist. The series won’t be shown in B&W when it premieres, but Darabont is hoping that when the first season dvd comes out that a B&W version may just be included. Here’s to hoping that he does do what he’s hoping for.

Below are the same 5 pics from above but treated as if taken from a B&W airing.

Source: AMC – The Walking Dead Gallery

My Zombie Television Series Idea

Posted on by Viktor VonGlum

This idea sprang from my other zombie post and the accompanying feedback.

Premise: A wealthy man is stricken with a fatal illness and is unable to find a cure in modern medicine. He turns to the occult for his salvation, particularly a necromancer.  His brand of zombism is supernatural is origins.  The series will center around his attempt to maintain a normal life and keep his secret his hidden.  His employees helps him hide his illness as well as supply him with “live food”.  There will be power plays by opportunistic friends and family members.  It’s essentially Dynasty/Dallas with Zombies.

Symptoms: The infected will retain their intelligence and are effectively immortal (save a traumatic head injury or incineration).  They are virtually indistinguishable from the living.  The remnants need to consume flesh in order to retain their intelligence, stave off decomposition, and trigger regeneration.  If a zombie goes too long without feeding he or she will revert to a ravenous feral state.  The “illness” is spread through bites.  The “sickness” infects every living thing bitten, so animals are not immune and the same symptoms apply to them as well.  Scavengers will be infected if they feast on zombie flesh.

Images are courtesy of Comic Art Community (http://www.comicartcommunity.com/gallery/index.php)

Review: Masters of Horror – Haeckel’s Tale (dir. by John McNaughton)

Posted on by Arleigh

Masters of Horror has been good but very uneven in its execution during it’s two season run on Showtime. Haeckel’s Tale is the last episode for Season One (Takashi Miike’s episode never got an official airing) and it sure ends the season on a disturbingly kinky compilation of twisted grotesqueries. The story is from a Clive Barker short story that’s been adapted by Mick Garris (fellow Masters of Horror director and also its brainchild) and produced by George A. Romero to be directed by John McNaughton.

One wonders why Romero would be producing instead of directing the piece. Scheduling conflicts prohibited Romero from taking the director’s chair and he instead recommended John McNaughton (his one film which earned him Master of Horror status is one of the best horror films of the last quarter century: Henry – Portrait of a Serial Killer). The fact that Romero was originally chosen to direct Barker’s Garris adapted short story means there’s got to be zombies or some form of undead within. I, for one, was glad that Romero decided that he wouldn’t be able to direct and chose another in his stead. Barker’s short story does indeed include zombies but it also has a heavy sense of the old classic technicolor Hammer Films vibe to it. Haeckel’s Tale under the capable hands of McNaughton takes those Hammer Films conventions and ramps it up into overdrive.

Even though John McNaughton really has only one true horror film under his belt (he also directed a little-known cult scifi-horror called The Borrowers which had fledgling effects shop KNB EFX still doing things guerilla-style), but his work in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer more than earned him his horror creds. In Haeckel’s Tale, John McNaughton clearly has a bit of fun making the only true period piece in the whole Masters of Horror series. McNaughton goes for the classic Hammer Films look for this episode and it shows in the gothic, fog-shrouded atmosphere in the outdoor scenes. The look of the costumes and even the dialogue harkens back to those Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing Hammer Films.

The story is a mixture of the Frankenstein tale with a some Cemetary Man (aka Dellamorte Dellamore) mixed in. Haeckel’s Tale begins somewhere around the 1800’s and I’m assuming close to the end of it from the costume worn by Steve Bacic who played Mr. Ralston who arrives to seek the help of Miz Carnation who is purported to be a necromancer who can grant him his wish to have his dead wife brought back to life for him. Miz Carnation rebuffs Ralston, but after some begging she makes a deal with him to hear Haeckel’s Tale. If he still wants his wife brought back to life after hearing it then she would do so.

Ernst Haeckel (played by Derek Cecil)is a young medical professor whose obsession to conquer death mirrors that of a certain eccentric European scientist he so admires. Unlike his idol, Haeckel’s attempt to use electricity to put the spark of life back into a corpse fails dramatically. He’s soon investigating the rumor of a certain traveling necromancer who goes by the name of Montesquino (played by Joe Polito) who he thinks to be a fraud, but he soon finds out that Montesquino is all he says he is when Haeckel stumbles upon Wolfram (played by Stargate SG-1‘s own Maybourne, Tom McBeath) and his stunning young wife Elise (the drop-dead gorgeous Leela Savasta).

Haeckel quickly lusts after the young Elise, but as Wolfram will later tell him as the story nears it’s climax (in more ways than one), Elise cannot be satisfied by him or Haeckel. Her obsession with a dead husband she loves and cannot let go brings Haeckel to a scene that he cannot comprehend nor accept as something she truly wants. I must say that Leela Savasta’s performance as the dead-obsessed Elise is only surpassed by Anna Falchi’s own work as “She” in Dellamorte Dellamore. Leela’s pretty much spending most of her screentime fully naked and writhing around in an orgy not typical of most horror movies. It’s also in this orgy scene where we get the biggest Clive Barker feel to the story. Anyone how has read Barker earlier work knows the man can mix horror and sex like no other.

The ending of the episode brings to it a slight twist with Miz Carnation being more than she says she is. This Masters of Horror episode is not the best of the lot, but it is one of the better looking ones in terms of cinematography and it’s leads. It also doesn’t have much in terms of genuine scares. The story gradually builds up the dreads and disturbing images but never anything that will put a genuine heart-stopping scare on the viewer. Like McNaughton’s own foray into horror with Henry, Haeckel’s Tale lets the story’s own disturbing themes on obsession and the darker side of love put the horror in the story. It does have a nice gore-laden sequence courtesy of Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero and their KNB FX team.

In the end, Haeckel’s Tale is a very good episode which has its flaws like the rest of the Masters of Horror episodes. What sets it apart from the rest of the series entries is its unique Hammer Films look and the return of McNaughton back in the director’s chair as a horror filmmaker. It’s no Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, but Haeckel’s Tale will have enough disturbing images to burn itself to its audiences’ minds.