Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.9 “Naughty Marietta/The Winning Ticket”

Posted on March 18, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Tattoo’s rich!

Episode 6.9 “Naughty Marietta/The Winning Ticket”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired January 8th, 1983)

Let’s get the boring storyline out of the way first.

Overbearing Beatrice Solomon (Jayne Meadows) wants her daughter, Alison (Dorothy Hamill) to become an actress. Beatrice’s husband (David Doyle) wishes that Beatrice would just back off. Mr. Roarke sends Alison into the past, where Alison finds herself transformed into Marietta, the subject of the operetta Naughty Marietta. Lorenzo Lamas plays Captain Richard Warrington, who is trying to track down a notorious pirate on behalf of the Governor of Louisiana (James Doohan). There’s a lot of singing and the costumes are nice but it’s also kind of boring because ice skater Dorothy Hamill was a terrible actress and she has next to no chemistry with Lorenzo Lamas. The fantasy ends with everyone brought back to the present, including Lamas who, it turns out, was actually just a guest having a fantasy of his own. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before and I don’t want to talk to much about it because the other story is …. A TATTOO STORY!

After years of being the sidekick and Mr. Roarke’s enigmatic frenemy, Tattoo finally gets a story of his own. When Margaret Stanton (Hope Lange) comes to the Island to award a check to an employee who won the Irish Sweepstakes, Roarke is saddened to inform her that the man, a groundskeeper named Ambrose, passed away shortly after winning. Roarke assigns Tattoo to find out who Ambrose’s closest friend was on the Island. Tattoo takes his job seriously. Afterall, Tattoo was one of the few people who regularly checked on the curmudgeonly old man, always stopping by to talk and to make sure that he was feeling okay. As a matter of fact, you could even say that Tattoo was a true friend to the old man. In the end, he was truly the old man’s best friend….

OH MY GOD, TATTOO’S RICH!

After reading the deceased man’s diary, Roarke and Tattoo realize that Ambrose would have wanted Tattoo to have the money. Tattoo now has a million dollars and Roarke decides that this means that Tattoo is now a guest at Fantasy Island. Tattoo moves into the most spectacular guest bungalow. Tattoo orders a fancy meal and leaves a huge tip. Tattoo is having a wonderful time until Mr. Roarke informs him that guests are not allowed to live on the Island….

WAIT, WHAT!?

Okay, first off, it wasn’t Tattoo’s idea to be a guest. It was Roarke’s idea. Roarke also mentions that Tattoo is the one who came up with the idea of not allowing guests to live on the Island but, over the past few seasons, we’ve seen many guests decide to never leave the Island and Roarke has never had a problem with it! Seriously, I thought Tattoo and Mr. Roarke were finally getting along. Suddenly, it seems like Mr. Roarke has decided to kick him out. “I will miss you,” Mr. Roarke says. Well, then don’t make him leave! Can’t Mr. Roarke do whatever he feels like doing?

Tattoo, for his part, says that he will miss being on the Island. He’ll miss Mr. Roarke. He’ll miss the rest of the staff. He’ll miss everything. Tattoo decides that rather than leave the Island, he’ll donate the money to build a retirement home in England. And that’s nice and all but I still don’t understand why Tattoo would have had to leave in the first place. Maybe Mr. Roarke just wanted to teach Tattoo about generosity but Tattoo is already extremely generous.

As the show ends, Mr. Roarke mentions that Tattoo still needs to pay for his stay in the bungalow and for all the food he ordered. DON’T START, MR. ROARKE!

This was a weird episode but it was still nice to see Tattoo get his moment in the spotlight. I still think he should have allowed to keep the money and stay on the Island. I mean, seriously, this Island is full of eccentric rich people living in haunted mansions. Why should Tattoo miss out on all the fun?

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.21 “Knock Knock …. Who’s There?”

Posted on March 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the one hand doesn’t know what the other one is doing. That’s life in Miami.,

Episode 3.21 “Knock Knock …. Who’s There?”

(Dir by Tony Wharmby, originally aired on March 27th, 1987)

An drug buy that Crockett and Tubbs (as Burnett and Cooper) set up with Esteban Montoyo (a miscast Ian McShane), falls apart when a group of DEA agents show up. Or, at least, they say that they’re DEA agents. Oddly, they just take the money and the drugs and then leave, saying that Miami metro will take care of the rest.

It quickly becomes apparent that the DEA agents were fake but Crockett and Tubbs have no way to confirm that because the DEA refuses to share any information about their activities with the Vice Squad. Even though the DEA and detectives are all after the same people and are supposedly soldiers in the same war, they don’t trust each other and they don’t share information. Meanwhile, Internal Affairs is convinced that Crockett and Tubbs stole the money and the drugs for themselves and are determined to prove it. Apparently, it doesn’t matter that Crockett and Tubbs have killed a variety of different drug lords over the past three seasons. No one in Miami trusts anyone!

As for the fake DEA busts, they’re being set up by an agent named Linda Colby (Elizabeth Ashley). Linda’s husband (Jimmie Ray Weeks) is a former agent who is now in a wheelchair and who is a friend of Crockett’s. Their son is in the hospital, fighting for his life. Linda’s crimes are helping her to pay for his treatment. It’s not greed that motivates her, or at least greed isn’t the only thing. She’s also motivated by love.

Of course, in the end, she still gets shot during a showdown between Crockett, Tubbs, and Montoya. Unlike the majority of Miami Vice‘s guest stars, Linda survives being shot. But, as she’s lying on the stretcher, Crockett has to arrest her. Linda says that Crockett would have done the same thing for his son. With tears in his eyes, Crockett proceeds to recite Linda’s Miranda rights. Though Crockett doesn’t say it, he knows that she’s right but he’s also a cop and he has no choice but to arrest her. Now, her son will no longer receive medical treatment and his mother is going to be in jail. Wow, Miami Vice, depressing much?

Of course, happy endings were a rarity on Miami Vice. That was one of the show’s strengths. No one ever got a truly happy ending. Every drug lord that Crockett and Tubbs took down would be replaced by someone else. Anyone who ever tried to help usually fell victim to a bullet. People like Linda did things for desperate reasons and paid the price, all in the service of an unwinnable war.

This episode was uneven. Ian McShane was not a particularly interesting villain and Crockett getting his cover blown happens so frequently that it’s no longer a shock. But that final scene definitely packed a punch. Never have the Miranda rights sounded so hollow.

Next week …. it’s Crockett and Tubbs vs. a motorcycle gang! We’ll see what happens. It can’t be any more depressing than this episode.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 1.14 “It Creeps!”

Posted on March 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991! The series can be streamed on YouTube!

Wake up in the morning, it’s time to make a feminist slasher film….

Episode 1.14 “It Creeps!”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on February 6th, 1990)

Shane’s back!

We haven’t seen Shane since he showed up at the last junior high dance. Shane, of course, is the ex-boyfriend of Spike and the wayward father of Emma. Shane took LSD while at a concert and either jumped or fell off a bridge. When we see him in this episode, he’s suffering from brain damage. One minute, he’s greeting Spike like his best friend. Another minute, he’s yelling at her and suddenly acting aggressive. Spike still tries to be nice to him, despite Liz’s comment of “He’s creepy.” (Seriously, what is going with Liz this season?) What’s really disturbing, though, is that Shane’s only close friend still appears to be Luke, the idiot who gave him the acid in the first place.

(Seriously, how did Luke get away with that?)

That was the B-plot of this episode. The A-plot featured Lucy finally making her feminist horror film, It Creeps!!, for her creative writing class. Personally, I like the idea behind It Creeps!! It’s a slasher movie where, for once, it’s the guys getting knifed in the shower instead of the girls. It’s the type of thing that would get Lucy a deal with Blumhouse today. I’m a little bit surprised that she was able to get away with making it for a school project but I guess that 80s were a more innocent time. If a student shot a bloody slasher film in her school today, she’d probably be suspended.

Lucy shows her film to the class and is shocked when they laugh at certain parts. She runs out the room but her creative writing teacher assures her that class is enjoying her film. He tells her that she did a good job, considering that it was her first film. (It’s a hundred times better than Michael Scott’s Threat Level Midnight.) Lucy returns to the classroom, just in time to find everyone cheering as Wheels dies on screen.

Of course, those of us who know our Degrassi history, know how this is going to turn out. After graduation, Wheels is going to be driving drunk and he’s going to have the accident that will not only send him to prison but will also leave Lucy crippled and temporarily blinded. Seriously, this show is a lot darker if you already know what’s going to happen in School’s Out!

As for this episode, it was a good one. The plot with Lucy’s film worked because the end result actually looked like something that had been filmed by a moderately talented teenager who owned a somewhat beat-up video camera. And I was glad that the show remembered that Shane existed. Amanda Stepto did a wonderful job portraying Spike’s reaction to seeing Shane. This was Degrassi High at its best.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.6 “A Model Citizen”

Posted on March 16, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

No one’s happy this week.

Episode 3.6 “A Model Citizen”

(Dir by John McNaughton, originally aired on November 11th, 1994)

Welcome to Baltimore, where everyone is depressed. Consider this week’s episode of Homicide: Life On The Street.

The episode opens with Munch, Bolander, Howard, and Felton in a morgue, waiting for the results of an autopsy. They start talking about the shows that they watched as children and how many of them had their origins right in Baltimore. Of course, none of those shows are on the air anymore. Munch mentions his favorite childhood shows and is ridiculed for liking things when he was a kid.
Emma Zoole (Lauren Tom), an artist who makes models of crime scenes for use in criminal court, stops by the department. She’s looking for Steve Crosetti, to get his input on a recreation. Meldrick Lewis tells her that Crosetti’s dead but he offers to help. Lewis has a crush. However, Emma likes Bayliss and Bayliss likes Emma. Bayliss is even turned on by the fact that Emma sleeps in a coffin. However, when Bayliss sees how upset Lewis is over his relationship with Emma, Bayliss tries to break up with her. They end up having sex in the coffin instead.
That’s it!, Lewis declares. He cannot go into the bar business with Tim Bayliss. Then again, there might not be a bar business anyway because Munch got kicked out of the state-required alcohol awareness class. Munch, for whatever reason, decided to argue about whether or not a bartender could really be held responsible for getting someone drunk.
Pembleton, Russert, and the city of Baltimore are all being sued by serial killer Pamela Wilgis. Wilgis claims that Pembleton violated her civil rights when he interrogated her. Pembleton’s entire interrogation style is put on trial. He feels like he’s being attacked on all sides. Finally, Pembleton gets depressed enough to reenter a church, even though he earlier claimed to no longer have any use for religion.
Munch and Howard investigate the accidental shooting of a child by his older brother. Much gets extremely upset while searching for the gun, taking Howard totally be surprise. Howard comes to realize that Much actually cares about protecting children from violence and Munch realizes that the world is a terrible place.
Beau Felton returns to his house and discovers that both his wife and his son have left and they’ve taken all the furniture with them. Goodbye is scrawled, in lipstick, on the bathroom mirror.
Much ends up sitting outside, staring at the ground while Lewis and then Howard both talk to him about how much life sucks.
No one wants to end up like Steve Crosetti, Howard says at one point. Good luck! This job is depressing!

This was a good episode, one that really captured the emotional turmoil of seeing the worse that humanity has to offer while, at the same time, acknowledging that depressed people often use humor to deal with their feelings. A few of Munch’s and Lewis’s line made me laugh out loud but seriously, I felt so bad for both of them!

Hopefully, everyone will have cheered up by next week.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out! 3.10 “Shrink from Sendrax”

Posted on March 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

This week, corporate sends a visitor to Cobb’s for reasons that are never exactly clear.

Episode 3.10 “Shrink From Sendrax”

(Dir by Jayne Schipper, originally aired on November 15th, 1987)

I’m just going to do a mini-review of this episode because I’m busy working on our big St. Patrick’s Day extravaganza here at the Shattered Lens!

Remember that new company that bought out Cobb’s? It can be easy to forget about them. Well, in this episode, they send a psychiatrist named Dr. Matthews (Graham Harley) to check on everyone’s mental health. Why would they do that? I mean, is Cobb’s grocery store really that important to them? It seems like a lot of money to spend on checking whether or not the cashiers are feeling good about themselves.
Admittedly, I haven’t had that many jobs and I’ve never worked in a grocery store. If you told me that I had no choice but to sit down and talk about my life with a psychiatrist as a condition of my employment, I would probably quit. It’s not that I have anything against psychiatrists. It’s just that I believe therapy should always be voluntary.
The episode’s highlight was Leslie wanting to spend hours talking to the psychiatrist about the party that was thrown when he turned two years old. Aaron Schwartz, who is often underused on this show, really got a chance to show off his comedic skills in this episode.
Gordon Clapp’s Viker also got a few good scenes. In general, any episode that features Clapp is, at the very least, going to make me smile.
Howard freaks out over the psychiatrist and the questionnaire that he’s forced to fill out. He gets some advice from 14 year-old stockboy Brad, played by T and T‘s Sean Roberge. This is Brad’s third appearance on the show and I get the feeling that he was originally meant to be a major character but the show’s writers couldn’t figure out what to do with the character.
This third season has had a lot of weird detours and characters. We haven’t heard anything else about Howard’s brother. The corporate liaison, TC Collingwood (Elizabeth Hanna), is occasionally pictured in the opening credits and occasionally not. What happened to the stockboy who had a crush on Marlene?
Anyway, to prove that he’s not crazy, Howard dresses up like a clown because he knows that only way to prove he’s not crazy is to act crazy while realizing that he’s acting crazy or something.
Marlene and Christian, the two most consistently interesting characters on the show, were not in this episode and that kind of made the whole psychiatry angle feel useless. The idea of Marlene and Christian reacting to ink blots is such a good one that I personally would have delayed production on this episode until Kathleen Laskey and Jeff Pustil were available to appear in it.

Gordon Clapp and Aaron Schwartz were great but, overall, this was pretty dumb episode.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 3/9/25 — 3/15/25

Posted on March 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This what yet another week where I didn’t really watch any television, beyond the shows that I review for this site and also the weekly episode of Dark that I watch with Case Writes. I’ve been busy getting ready for Monday, which is both St. Patrick’s Day and Kurt Russell’s birthday. But I have to admit that, even since my Dad passed away last year, watching silly reality shows hasn’t really appealed to me the way that it used to. I don’t how to explain it. I guess tastes change!

Anyway, maybe I’ll get caught up on Abbott Elementary, Survivor, and all the rest next week! I guess I’ll have to or else this weekly post is going to start to feel a bit superfluous!

Retro Television Review: Welcome Back Kotter 4.20 “Oo-Oo I Do! Part One”

Posted on March 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show can be purchased on Prime.

Horshack makes a decision about his future.

Episode 4.20 “Oo-Oo I Do! Part One”

(Dir by Norman Abbott, originally aired on May 25th, 1979)

Horshack is shocked to suddenly realize that he has a girlfriend. To be honest, I think everyone’s a little shocked. Horshack doesn’t exactly come across like someone that anyone would want to have a romantic relationship with. He’s not particularly handsome, he’s got that terrible voice, he’s got those weird personal habits, and he’s like 50 years old and still in high school.

Still, when Horshack learns that he’s going to be transferred to another school because his mother married a blackjack dealer in Atlantic City, Horshack asks Mary Johnson to marry him. And Mary says yes.

NO, MARY! RUN, MARY, RUN!

So, let’s just consider this. One reason why Gabe Kaplan refused to appear in much of season four is because the show’s producers refused to consider his suggestions that the Sweathogs should graduate high school and move on to City College. But the producers were totally willing to have Horshack get married while in high school. Sure, that makes sense. Admittedly, people do get married in high school but few of them would marry Arnold Horshack. Plus, most high school marriages — at least in my experience — involve an unexpected pregnancy and it’s hard to view Horshack as being anything other than asexual. He’s just too weird a character for a episode dealing with real things, like love and marriage. I could buy Epstein getting married. I could buy Washington getting married. Beau …. sure, I could buy that. What would have been really cool would have been if one of Travolta’s episodes had featured him getting married. Even better would have been an episode where Gabe and Julie got divorced. Seriously, it would have made more sense than someone voluntarily saying, “I want to spend the rest of my life with the school weirdo.”

This is the first part of a two-part episode. If I’m not saying much about this episode it’s because this episode was 75% Horshack and Horshack annoys the heck out of me. When the show began, he was weird but he wasn’t quite as cartoonish as he became in the third and fourth seasons. This whole marriage two-parter was apparently a backdoor pilot for a show about Horshack adjusting to married life. Seriously, out of all the Sweathog, that’s the one they wanted to spin-off?

(What’s annoying is that occasionally –– like in this episode where Horshack was drinking — Ron Palillo would get a chance to show that he actually wasn’t a terrible actor but the show’s writers usually did him absolutely no favors.)

This episode really showed how far the show had fallen. Horshack is getting transferred to a new school and Gabe is nowhere to be seen. Horshack is getting married and again, Gabe is nowhere to be seen. It’s Welcome Back, Horshack now and the Sweathogs are truly doomed.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.6 “Bad Penny”

Posted on March 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

This week …. hey, it’s a good episode!

Episode 3.6 “Bad Penny”

(Dir by William Fruet, originally aired October 30th, 1989)

The Coin of Ziocles returns! Last seen being used by a cult to raise the dead, the Coin is recovered from a construction site at the start of this episode. This turned out to be the best episode of the third season so far. Here’s a few reasons why:

First off, with this episode, Friday the 13th finally showed that it still remembered its own history. The last time Jack, Micki, and Ryan sought the coin, Micki was actually killed and remained dead until Ryan and Jack figured out how to use the coin to bring her back to life. With this episode, we discover that Micki has some serious PTSD as a result of the experience which actually makes a lot of sense. In the past, I’ve always felt this show tended to gloss over just how traumatizing it would be to deal with cursed antiques on a daily basis. With this episode, we see that Micki can’t even look at the site where she was killed without starting to shake. It was realistic and Robey did a great job portraying Micki’s emotions.
In yet another nod to continuity, Johnny stole the coin and used it to bring back his dead father. In the past, I’ve felt like Johnny was a bit too quick to accept the idea of the antiques being cursed. With this episode, we saw that the inexperienced Johnny doesn’t quite understand that danger of the cured antiques. Ryan, Micki, and Jack would never have made the mistake of using the antique or trusting anything that had once been owned by Uncle Lewis but Johnny is still learning.
Steve Monarque and Sean McCann both did excellent work as Johnny and his father. Needless to say, Johnny’s father is confused when he’s brought back from the dead. His struggle to understand what was happening brought tears to my eyes. It’s been less than a year since I lost my Dad. I’d probably do the same thing Johnny did. In the end, Johnny sent his father back into the afterlife. It was so sad!
Micki writes a letter to Ryan. It’s probably one that she won’t ever send but it’s good to see that the show at least acknowledged how difficult it would have been for her to say goodbye to Ryan.
By mentioning Ryan so much, this show actually made it easier for me to accept Johnny as his replacement. Over the past few episodes, I kind of resented how quickly Johnny seemed to be stepping into replace him. This episode showed me that Ryan is still loved.
The villains — a corrupt cop and his zombified partner — were a bit over-the-top but still entertaining. For once, this episode focused on our heroes and I was glad it did.

This was an excellent episode of Friday the 13th! I hope it’s a sign of things to come for the rest of the third season.

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”

Posted on March 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988. The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

It’s another day in Boston.

Episode 1.16 “Monday, Tuesday, Sven Day”

(Dir by Mark Tinker, originally aired on March 1st, 1983)

It’s a busy day at St. Eligius. Here’s a breakdown:

The racial conflict is continuing. Putting a young white man and a young black man in the same hospital room leads to an all-out brawl. Some poor guy walking down the hall on a broken leg gets trampled in the melee. Agck!
A man in a crude astronaut’s uniform shows up at the ER. He doesn’t get any lines but his name tag identifies him as “J. Masius,” which is a reference to one of the show’s writers.
Oh, hey, it turns out that kid who claimed he was jumped by a bunch of black guys actually wasn’t jumped by a bunch of black guys. Instead, his father (Dick O’Neill) beat him up. Dr. Westphall threatens to beat up the kid’s dad. They may be old but they both grew up on the streets of Boston! What is it with old men from Boston and they’re need to threaten each other with fisticuffs?
Dr, Chandler hears another doctor make a racist remake and gets angry. “I keep forgetting he’s black,’ the doctor says.
Dr. Morrison apologizes on behalf of the racist doctor. Chandler tells Morrison that he’ll never understand what it’s like to be black. Morrison agrees but then points out that he only lives two blocks away from Chandler so he does understand what it’s like to live in a poor neighborhood. Uhmm….see, this is why I was kind of dreading watching this show try to deal with racism. St. Elsewhere has been a good show so far but well-intentioned TV writer liberalism is usually the cringiest liberalism there is.
Peter’s wife is pregnant. Peter is not the father. Peter asks a nurse for a loan so that he can pay his wife’s abortion.
By the way, Peter is sleeping with the nurse who unknowingly paid for his wife’s abortion.
There’s no way any of this is going to end well.
A sex worker comes in to get her appendix removed. “I love my job,” Fiscus says after telling her to undress. Ugh, what a pig. I get that guys say stuff like that when they’re talking to each other and that’s fine but you don’t say that to someone when they’re in terrible pain and in the emergency room.
Finally, the show’s best storyline featured Ehrlich going to party at Dr. Craig’s house for a visiting Scandinavian doctor named Sven. Ehrlich brings Shirley Daniels as his date and proceeds to have way too much to drink. This storyline was fun because it highlight William Daniels’s wonderfully sardonic portrayal of the abrasive Dr. Craig. I love that Ehrlich is both terrified of and desperate to impress him. Drunk Ed Begley, Jr. was definitely this episode’s highlight.

This was an okay episode. It wasn’t the most memorable that I’ve seen but I did enjoy that terrible party at Dr. Craig’s house. Terrible parties are always so much more fun to watch than good ones.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 3.16 “A Song of Songs”

Posted on March 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, not even the presence of the great James Earl Jones can save Highway to Heaven.

Episode 3.16 “A Song of Songs”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on January 21st, 1987)

Mark and Jonathan are driving out in the middle of nowhere, waiting for their next assignment. Mark is annoyed. He says he’s been driving for ten hours. Personally, I think Mark has every right to be annoyed. I’ve noticed that Jonathan never drives. Are angels not allowed to drive? Did he never learn how? It seems a bit self-centered to make Mark do all the driving.

Eventually, Jonathan and Mark stop off at a roadhouse. Mark order a huge amount of ribs. Jonathan smiles, even though Mark is going to give himself a heart attack if he’s not careful. By an amazing coincidence, an old friend of Mark’s is also at the roadhouse. Gabe (James Earl Jones) is a blind jazz pianist. He’s also this week’s assignment.

Jonathan and Mark are hired to work at a storefront church that is led by Eleanor (Rosalind Cash). Eleanor is strict and demanding and when her daughter (Akosua Busia) wants to go off on her own and perform her own type of music, Eleanor accuses her of only caring about “the devil’s music.” It turns out that Eleanor is also Gabe’s ex-girlfriend! Eleanor was not always so strict. Can Jonathan and Mark bring these two back together and also repair the relationship between Eleanor and her daughter?

Eh, this episode didn’t do much for me. I hate to say that because James Earl Jones was one of our best actors and he’s definitely the strongest thing about this episode but overall, the plot was a bit too predictable and both Rosalind Cash and Akosua Busia gave such over-the-top performances that it was hard to take their storyline seriously. This was Highway to Heaven at its most predictable and the episode didn’t even benefit from Michael Landon’s trademark earnestness. It just fell flat.

Oh well, there’s always next week. Maybe Mark will finally get a break from always having to do the driving! I wouldn’t count on it, though.