I’ll See You Again”

Posted on August 2, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise features Cyd Charisse!

Episode 2.26 “April’s Return/Super Mom/I’ll See You Again”

(Dir by George Tyne, originally aired on May 5th, 1979)

This episode’s writers would want us to believe that the most important thing that happens during this cruise is that April Lopez (played by Charo) returns to the ship. During the first season, April was introduced as a stowaway who managed to charm the entire crew despite traveling illegally. With the help of Captain Stubing, April has gone on to become the cruise line’s most popular entertainer and this week, she’s returns to the Love Boat!

The crew is super-excited because April is such a vivacious force of energy. Or, at least, she was. When she shows up on the boat, she seems to be feeling a bit down. As she explains it to Julie, April has discovered that show business is not all that it’s cracked up to be and that it’s full of lecherous men. (Shocker!) April has decided that she would rather be a cruise director. Julie agrees to show April what the job entails and …. well, it turns out that Julie actually has a pretty easy job. She just goes to Acapulco Lounge at night, spots people who are alone or shy, and offers to dance with them. I do that on a regular basis. I should be a cruise director.

Anyway, April eventually realizes that she makes people happy by performing. Charo was a popular guest star on The Love Boat and, unlike a lot of other actors who appeared in multiple episodes, she always played April. (In this episode, she sings the show’s theme song.) In many ways, Charo was the epitome of The Love Boat, in that her act was meant to be both sexy and old-fashioned at the same time. The Love Boat was a show where everyone on the boat was constantly looking to get laid but the camera still cut away as soon as the cabin door closed and it was understood that sex on the boat would always lead to marriage on dry land. It was a show with the customs of the 70s and the morals of the 50s.

The episode spends a lot of time on April’s search for happiness. Personally, I was more excited by the fact that Cyd Charisse was on the boat. Cyd Charisse is one of my favorite dancers of all time and was one of my personal role models when I was younger. From the minute that Charisse boards the boat, the cameras are focused on her legs, which were just as spectacular as they were 20 years earlier in Singin’ In The Rain and Silk Stockings. Charisse plays Eve Mills, a former USO entertainer who, by an amazing coincidence, happens to be on the same cruise as the man that she fell in love with during World War II, Frank Pearse (Craig Stevens). By another amazing coincidence, Frank just happens to be an old friend of Captain Stubing’s!

Anyway, Frank and Eve recognize each other and they eventually work up the courage to approach each other. Eve thought Frank was killed in the war. Frank thought that Eve ignored all the letters that he sent her while he was recovering from being wounded in action. (It turns out the letters were never mailed because Frank’s nurse was in love with him.) Frank is still in love with Eve but he sees that she’s accompanied by a handsome young Frenchman named Francois (Stephen Schnetzer). Eve reveals to Frank that Francois is not her boyfriend. Instead, Francois is her son! And guess who Francois’s father is? (Really, the fact that he was named Francois should have given it away.)

Finally, Bud (Jerry Stiller) and Margaret (Anne Meara) are on their second honeymoon but, unfortunately, they’ve had to bring along their four bratty kids (one whom is played by a very young Corey Feldman). Bud wants to have a good time. Margaret keeps worrying about the kids. Bud gets a dance lesson from April, which leads to Margaret getting jealous. Don’t worry, they work it out. Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara were adorable together but this story was stressful for me to watch, just because the kids were so hyperactive and never stopped running around. Still, the image of Charo teaching Jerry Stiller how to dance feels like it should be enshrined in a museum devoted to the 1970s.

This episode seemed to exist because the show’s producers really liked Charo and it’s hard not to feel that the rest of episode’s storylines were just treated as being afterthoughts. That said, I enjoyed the Cyd Charisse/Craig Stevens story. Stevens was stiff and dull but Cyd Charisse was Cyd Charisse and that’s all that really matters!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.8 “The Handyman/Tattoo’s Romance”

Posted on August 1, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, on Fantasy Island, Tattoo falls in love!

Episode 3.8 “The Handyman/Tattoo’s Romance”

(Dir by Lawrence Dobkin, originally aired on November 10th, 1979)

Following the death of his wife last week, Mr. Roarke is once again back to being his usual cranky, Tattoo-hating self. And this week, Mr. Roarke has a special reason to be annoyed with his assistant. Tattoo has gone rogue!

As Mr. Roarke explains it, he has rejected the fantasy of Donna May Calloway (Audrey Landers) twice. Donna May says that she wants to be a country-western superstar but Mr. Roarke doesn’t feel that she has the talent and he also feel that Donna May is being pushed into it by her aunt, Ellie Simpson (Carolyn Jones). Ellie had to give up her own musical dreams when she was younger and now she’s forced them onto Donna May. However, Tattoo takes it upon himself to bring Donna May to the Island and to get her an audition with country-western producer, Colonel Hank Sutton (Richard Paul). Mr. Roarke correctly perceives that Tattoo is being blinded by his own crush on Donna May.

Col. Sutton is not impressed with Donna May’s audition. (It doesn’t help that Ellie pressures Donna May to sing a corny song about losing her boyfriend to her best friend.) Still, Ellie is convinced that Tattoo can somehow talk Col. Sutton into giving Donna May another chance. Ellie tells Donna May to use Tattoo’s attraction towards her for own purposes. Though reluctant, Donna May starts to flirt with Tattoo.

Tattoo may be in love but Mr. Roarke is enraged. He confronts Ellie and Donna May in their cabin and tells them that he will not allow them to manipulate Tattoo. (Much as with last week, Ricardo Montalban is obviously energized by having the chance to play Mr. Roarke as being something other than just an enigmatic host.) Ellie goes to Tattoo and lies, claiming that Mr. Roarke told them that Tattoo is not good enough for Donna May. What a bitch!

This leads to — and I’m not joking here — a sincerely touching scene between Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. Tattoo tells Mr. Roarke what Ellie said. Mr. Roarke replies that what worries him more than Ellie saying that is the thought that Tattoo might believe it. Tattoo says that he doesn’t but that he loves Donna May and that he’s going to leave Fantasy Island to be with her. By most accounts (including their own), Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize did not get along on the set but you’d never guess it from this wonderfully performed scene. Both of them deliver their lines with such sincerity and emotional vulnerability that it’s impossible not to be moved by their friendship.

Mr. Roarke confronts Donna May and Ellie in the Fantasy Island recording studio. (Yes, Fantasy Island has its own recording studio.) Donna May is stricken with guilt when she hears that Tattoo is giving up Fantasy Island for her. She tells Ellie that she’s going to live her own life from now on. After Ellie leaves in a huff, Donna May says that she must find Tattoo and apologize to him.

Suddenly, Tattoo reveals that he’s been in the recording the booth the whole time. “Apologize to the boss, first,” Tattoo orders, revealing that his first allegiance will always be to Mr. Roarke. Donna May and Tattoo then sing a country song together. No, I’m not making that up. It’s weird but kind of sweet.

As for the other fantasy, it’s far less interesting. Holly Ryan (Future Congressman Sonny Bono, who was a bit of a regular on both this show and The Love Boat) is an accountant who witnessed a murder committed by a gangster named Spider Sloat (Joey Forman). Holly’s fantasy is to hide out from Spider and, when Spider and his men suddenly show up on the Island, Holly ends up doing just that at an orphanage run by Emily Perkins (Shelley Fabares). Holly falls in love with Emily, takes care of the orphans, and puts on a dress when Spider comes looking for him. It’s a thoroughly lightweight fantasy that largely serves to remind us that no one nicknamed Spider can be convincingly intimidating.

As silly as the second fantasy may be, the first fantasy makes up for it. Much as with last week’s episode, both Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize give such strong performances that this silly little show actually brought a tear to my mismatched eyes.

Will next week be as good? We’ll find out!

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 6.1 “www.eugene.trouble.com” and 6.2 “That 60s Show”

Posted on July 31, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Finally! We have reached the final season of Hang Time! While watching this season, it’s important to remember that seasons 5 and 6 were filmed at the same time and were originally meant to be one season. Just as they did with Saved By The Bell: The New Class, NBC decided to split the final season into two seasons and they also decided to air the episodes out of order. In other words, I imagine that it’s going to be a lot of fun trying to find any sort of consistent continuity over the final 12 episodes of Hang Time!

With that in my mind, I’m ready to finally move on from this show so let’s get started on season 6!

Episode 6.1 “www.eugene.trouble.com”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 23rd, 2000)

When I talk about how showing episodes out of order can lead to continuity issues, I’m talking about an episode like this one. Season 5 ended with the Tornadoes going to the championship tournament and losing to Muncie, despite the fact that they were favored to defeat Muncie. In fact, the team had been named “Team of the Decade,” which seemed like a bit of overkill on the part of the press. Obviously, the Tornadoes were a good team but it still seemed strange that they got as cocky as they did last season.

If all of the episode had been aired in the order in which they were meant to have been aired, the viewers would have understood that the Tornadoes were not only favored to win the tournament but that, until their loss to Muncie, they had been undefeated for the entire season. That would have explained why they were such heavy favorites, why they got so cocky, and why their loss truly was such an upset. Instead, the majority of the “undefeated season” episodes were moved to season 6. So now, the undefeated season happened the year after their loss to Muncie, when the players themselves were in their sixth year of high school. And, because the episode were aired out-of-order, the first episode of the sixth season features the Tornadoes already deep into their undefeated season and on the verge of making the playoffs.

In this episode, the undefeated season is briefly threatened by Eugene’s gambling problem. When Eugene loses a lot of money playing video poker, he makes the mistake of putting $500 on the Pacers game. When he loses that bet, evil bookie Bill (Kevin Sage) demands that Eugene throw his next game. Instead, Eugene puts his team first, wins the game (and yes, the Tornadoes win by one point), and then nearly gets killed in the hallway by Bill. Fortunately, Coach K comes running around a corner and tosses Bill against some lockers. I’m convinced the look of fear on Bill’s face was real because Dick Butkus may have been a retired football player but it was obvious that he could still break some bones if he wanted to. Eugene learns an important lesson and Coach K declines to kick Eugene off the team, despite the fact that Eugene violated the contract that he signed the previous season.

While this was going on, Kristy had an interview with Stanford but, after an emergency dental appointment left her unable to talk, Mary Beth took her place. Why Kristy didn’t just reschedule the meeting, I have no idea. It was dumb but Megan Parlen and Amber Barretto were always a good comedy team and I laughed every time Mary Beth said that Kristy had a “hump” (due to Kristy wearing an ice pack on her back) and Kristy shouted back, “It wasn’t a hump!”

This episode felt like a strange way to start the season. Again, that’s because of the way that NBC split the final season in two. Usually, Hang Time would start each season with the beginning of the school year. This time, Hang Time jumped into the middle of the season, with the team already talking about making the playoffs. It just didn’t feel right but at least Mary Beth and Kristy are finally, after six years of high school, thinking about college.

Episode 6.2 “That 60s Show”

(Dir by Miguel Higuera, originally aired on September 30th, 2000)

The students at Deering High are upset over the new dress code. I don’t blame them! Look at this:

I would refuse to wear that uniform too!

Pompous ex-Yippie teacher Mr. McHenry (Alan Young) tells them that they should protest the same way that Mr. McHenry protested at Chicago in 1968. (So, they should get hit with tear gas and beaten up by the cops?) The protest rally is a success. The school board drops the uniform requirement but they also fire Mr. McHenry. So, the students decide to protest that as well….

GET TO CLASS, YOU BRATS!

Anyway, the Deering basketball team sits down on the court and refuses to start their next game unless Mr. McHenry is reinstated, which puts their undefeated season at risk. Seriously, though, wouldn’t they just be ordered to forfeit the game if they refused to play?

Anyway, Mr. McHenry is reinstated, even though he’s like 80 and probably would have enjoyed his retirement.

This episode annoyed me. Let us never speak of it again.

Retro Television Reviews: When Friendship Kills (dir by James A. Conter)

Posted on July 30, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1996’s When Friendship Kills! It can be viewed on YouTube!

After the divorce of her parents, Lexi Archer (Katie Wright) moves to Seattle with her mother (Lynda Carter). Lexi is having a tough time adjusting to the divorce, especially since her father (Josh Taylor) is convinced that he’s a better parent than Lexi’s mother has ever been. Still, Lexi is hoping to make a good impression at her new high school and she gets off to an effective start by not only winning a spot on the school’s volleyball team but by also becoming friends with the most popular girl in school, Jen Harnsberger (Marley Shelton).

The wealthy Jen is a straight-A student and a star volleyball player and she appears to have a very bright future ahead of her. Jen not only shows Lexi around the high school but she also shows Jen that one way to eat without gaining weight is to throw up after every meal. Jen is bulimic and soon, Lexi is anorexic. Eventually, Lexi is collapsing on the volleyball court and Jen is angrily denying that she has a problem and the whole things leads to tragedy.

Obviously, eating disorders are a serious issue and When Friendship Kills is honest about not only the pressures that lead to so many girls and women developing body image issues but it also deals with the danger of having a relapse. Growing up attending dance classes, I met and hung out with a lot of girls who had “tricks” for keeping their weight down and I recognized all of them in the characters of Jen and Lexi. This film hits all of the usual plot points that we’ve come to expect from 90s films about eating disorders, from the volleyball coach saying that the already thin Lexi needs to lose weight to the scenes of Lexi staring in the mirror and seeing a distorted version of herself to Lexi’s father demanding that a feeding tube be used on his daughter, regardless of what Lexi’s mother might think.

That said, many viewers will find the most interesting thing about this movie to be that it features an early performance from Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds plays the role of Ben, a friendly jock who asks Lexi out on a date. Reynolds doesn’t do much in the film but he does show some hints of the amiable goofiness that would later become his trademark. If one wanted to view this film as being a part of a Deadpool origin story, they certainly could.

As well, Lochlyn Munro also appears in the film! It’s not really a melodramatic made-for-television movie unless Lochlyn Munro has a role. In this particular film, Munro played a sleazy photographer who approached Jen and told her that she had the perfect look to be a model and invited her back to his studio. Of course, when Jen brought Lexi to the studio with her, the photographer rather rudely announced that Lexi didn’t have the right look to be a model. This led to Lexi refusing to eat and becoming hollow-eyed and skeletal and Katie Wright, it must be said, did a wonderful job portraying Lexi’s transformation from being hopeful to being haunted by her own self-image. Marley Shelton did an equally good job of portraying Jen’s more cheerful style of self-destruction.

When Friendship Kills is an effective if predictable eating disorder film. The film originally aired under the title A Secret Between Friends, which is a far more honest title than the over-the-top When Friendship Kills. Friendship does not kill in this movie but self-starvation does.

Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 7/23/23 — 7/29/23

Posted on July 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Big Brother starts next week and I’m going to have a lot less free time. (I probably should have made better use of my free time this week!) That said, I skipped the Big Brother special that CBS aired this week because I knew there wouldn’t be anything interesting revealed. Big Brother is a show that I both love and hate in equal measures. I never find myself looking forward to it but I always watch once it starts.

Anyways, here some thoughts on what I did watch this week!

City Guys (YouTube)

I wrote about City Guys here!

Claim To Fame (Monday Night, ABC)

I have to admit that Cole was one of the players who I thought had a really good chance of winning the game so I was a little surprised to see him leave the show this week. For the record, he was Alicia Keys’s brother. At this point, I’m just rooting for Olivia.

Degrassi High (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Sunday. Everyone was smoking weed.

Degrassi: The Next Generation (Tubi)

I watched a few random episodes on Sunday. Most of them were from the superlong tenth season, which isn’t really Degrassi’s best season but it is one that I occasionally like to revisit just because it’s not one of those seasons that really demands that you put a lot of effort into concentrating on what was happening on-screen. The tenth season of Degrassi is perfect for background noise.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I wrote about Fantasy Island here!

Jenny Jones (YouTube)

The episode that I watched on Thursday was entitled “I Want My Child To Stop Listening To Marilyn Manson.” The kids loved Marilyn and the parents were panicking. Jenny Jones told her audience, “Now, you know, Marilyn Manson is a guy, right? He’s a male.” One of Jenny’s guests was a cutter. The audience booed her, which I doubt helped. “He is far from being one of the beautiful people!” one parent said, “He is a sadistic pig!” I think this episode was from 1996.

On Friday, I watched an episode in which Jenny revealed the results of DNA tests. As a host, Jenny Jones was so flustered and spent so much time stumbling over her words that I actually got a headache while watching her.

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

I wrote about The Love Boat here!

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Thursday, I watched an episode about young people with lovers who were old enough to be their grandparents. Many of them had angry family members who wanted to yell at them on national television. The audience did a lot of booing.

I followed this up with an episode in which women were encouraged to dump their “cheating boyfriends.” One of the boyfriends had cheated on his girlfriend with a 13 year-old! Hopefully, they broke up after the show.

I then watched a third episode, in which bratty teenagers talk about how much they disliked the men that their mother dated. I cringed as I was flooded by memories of my own bratty behavior whenever my mom started to date someone new.

On Friday, for reasons that even I can’t quite fathom, I watched another episode in which Sally gave updates on out-of-control teens, the majority of whom were still out-of-control. The boot camps did not work.

Stars on Mars (Monday Night, Fox)

The silliest reality show on television right now continued this week, with Rhonda Rousey asking to be sent back to Earth. Fortunately, since no one on the show had actually left Earth to begin with, it was a quick journey home. As for who I hope wins Stars on Mars …. eh, whatever the prize is, give it to William Shatner. I know he’s the host and he probably only had to spend a day or two pre-taping all of his scenes but he’s still the most entertaining part of the show.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Thursday. Two brothers with really deep acne scars were on the show, trying to figure out which one was the father of a baby. Their annoying mother came out and screamed at everyone. It was so incredibly trashy that it become oddly fascinating.

I followed this with a second episode, in which Steve tossed an abusive boyfriend off of his stage. That was satisfying to see. Believe it or not, I do think that Steve was perhaps a bit more sincere than his fellow daily talk show hosts. The dislike that he felt towards abusers and cheaters always seemed real in a way that Maury Povich’s similar outrage did not.

On Friday morning, I watched two episodes while doing some work in my office. The first episode featured a woman with a scummy, abusive boyfriend. She dumped him at the end of the episode and the entire audience chanted her name. This was followed by an episode featuring a woman who claimed that her ex-boyfriend had stolen the ashes of her deceased and cremated child. That was weird and depressing.

Welcome Back Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.16 and 1.17 “Follow The Leader”

Posted on July 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, we’ve got a two-parter!

Episode 1.16 “Follow The Leader, Part One”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 20th, 1976)

“Julie,” Gabe asks as they have dinner at the apartment, “Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Sylvester, who was a real nut?” Uncle Sylvester went into a psychiatrist’s office and said, “Doc, you’ve got to help me! I’m a dog!” When asked how long he had felt like that, Sylvester replied, “Ever since I was a puppy!”

Julie is amused by the joke but she’s not amused when, the next morning, Arnold Horshack wakes her and Gabe up by tapping on their window. Apparently, Horshack has gotten into the habit of coming over to have breakfast with Gabe and Julie and Julie is sick of it! “We don’t have any privacy anymore!” Julie says, “Everywhere we go, there’s a Sweathog!”

Gabe gets upset at Julie for not appreciating the Sweathogs and announces that if Horshack wants to eat with them, Horshack is going to eat with them. He then allows Horshack into the apartment, where Julie gives him the stare of death. It seems like this might lead to trouble later….

(For the record, Julie has every right to be upset as she’s basically standing there in her bathrobe while Horshack hops up and down in her apartment. I mean, Gabe could have at least let her get dressed before letting his creepiest student climb in through the window.)

At school, Gabe teaches the class about democracy. He asks them how leaders are selected. Epstein says that leaders are elected except for Gerald Ford, who became president because he was the only person in Washington who wasn’t under arrest. Trying to reach his students, Gabe makes the mistake of saying that Vinne Barbarino is the leader of the Sweathogs.

“You’re the leader of the Sweathogs?” Freddie says to Barbarino.

“Is a bear Catholic?” Barbarino replies, “Does the Pope live in the woods?”

Gabe says that if the Sweathogs were democratic, they would have voted for who they wanted to lead them. The Sweathogs agree to vote, with Epstein assuring Barbarino that there’s no way they would ever vote him out.

“Does anyone want to challenge Vinnie Barbarino?” Gabe asks.

Freddie Washington stands up. “Hi there.”

The Sweathogs vote by raising their hands. Barbarino gets five votes. Freddie gets five votes. Oh my God, a tie! Wait a minute …. Epstein didn’t vote! After Gabe tells Epstein that it’s up to him to pick the leader of the Sweathogs, Epstein smiles and says, “Washington!”

Awwwww! Poor Barbarino! He looks heart-broken!

Epstein explains that Barbarino has been leader for a long time and that it’s time for “New Blood.”

“Hi there,” Freddie says, “I’m Boom-Boom New Blood.”

Barbarino calls the Sweathogs “punks” and then announces he’s dropping out of school before storming out the classroom.

Way to go, Gabe!

Later that day, Julie attempts to make up with Gabe be bringing him lunch at school but she’s upset when he starts to talk about Barbarino dropping out of school. “Can’t you talk about anything other than work!?” Julie demands, even though Gabe is actually at work. Julie gets even more upset when Epstein and Freddie enter the classroom, despite the fact that — again — Gabe is at work and it actually is Epstein and Freddie’s classroom.

Julie storms out of class, saying that Gabe can’t take anything seriously. Stunned Gabe barely notices as the other Sweathogs return from their lunch. Then, he hears Barbarino calling for him out in the hallway. Gabe steps out in the hall, to discover Barbarino wearing a skull cap and dress like a priest. Barbarino explains that his father got so angry at Barbarino for dropping out of school that he kicked Barbarino out of the house.

“Don’t worry,” Barbarino assures Gabe, “I don’t feel this is your fault, even though most of it is.”

Barbarino says that he needs to place to stay until he can figure out what to do. Even though he has to know what’s going to happen as a result, Gabe eventually agrees to bring Barbarino home with him.

Needless to say, Julie is not amused. She yells at Gabe and Gabe yells back and, for a few moments, I remembered all the stories that I’ve heard about how Gabe Kaplan and Marcia Strassman did not get along off-screen. On-screen, Gabe Kotter tries to lighten the mood by asking Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Ira.

“I don’t care about your jokes, Gabe,” Julie replies. Ouch!

Julie walks out on Gabe.

OH MY GOD! The 30 minutes are up! How will they resolve this? Well, let’s find out….

Episode 1.17 “Follow The Leader, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob LaHendro, originally aired on January 22nd, 1976)

I have to admit that I was really hoping that Part Two would open with Gabe telling Barbarino a joke about his uncle and Barbarino totally not getting it. Instead, it opens with a recap of Part One.

After the recap, the show begins with Gabe sleeping on his fold-out couch and …. is that Vinnie Barbarino sleeping next to him? The audience goes crazy because Barbarino isn’t wearing as shirt but me …. well, okay, Barbarino looks good and I would have totally had a crush on Young John Travolta too. Still, it already seems strange enough for a student to live with a teacher without the two of them sleeping in the same bed.

Anyway, Epstein wakes them up by knocking on the window. (The audience goes even crazier as Barbarino struts over to the window to let him in.) It turns out that Horshack is with Epstein. They both want breakfast. Barbarino pours milk and cereal on them.

Entering the apartment, Epstein and Horshack discover that Julie has left Gabe. Horshack is upset. Epstein grins. While the Sweathogs get ready for their day, Gabe calls the local hotel and, after realizing that she checked in under her maiden name, he finally talks to Julie. Julie reveals that she’s called Gabe’s cousin, who also happens to be a divorce lawyer. Gabe kicks out Epstein and Horshack and then orders Barbarino to either go to school or get a job.

“I bet you don’t think I can get a job,” Barbarino says. “Well, guess what? You don’t need brains to get a job …. and I’m going to prove it!”

Gabe calls Julie again and finally gets her to agree to meet him at the apartment at 3:30. He promises that he’ll head home right after school.

Speaking of school, Freddie has managed to alienate all of the Sweathogs by letting his power go to his head. He orders Epstein to get a haircut and he tells Gabe that the Sweathogs need a recreation period. For some reason, Freddie wants to start the day with a square dance.

To my very real surprise, Gabe manages to get back to the apartment in time to clean up before Julie arrives. When Julie does arrive, she complains that Gabe cares more about the Sweathogs than her (and she has a point) and Gabe says that Julie needs to stop always feeling sorry for herself (and, let’s just be honest here, he has a point as well). Gabe tries to make his point by punching table and has to briefly step into the bathroom so he can yell in pain.

At the worst possible moment, Babarino shows up. He took Gabe’s advice and he got a job! He’s selling Tidy Didy cleaning products, door-to-door.

Gabe tells Barbarino to go back to school and tells Julie she has to build her own life instead of getting jealous of him and his job. Both Barbarino and Julie say that they’ll think about it before leaving.

At school, Gabe teaches a lesson about the two-party system and the importance of competition. Freddie admits that he doesn’t enjoy being the leader of the Sweathogs but he also doesn’t want to be a follower. Suddenly, Barbarino shows up and says that he’s back in school. Yay! He also suggests that the Sweathogs don’t need a leader. Freddie agrees. Yay!

Barbarino then says that he hopes that Gabe doesn’t mind that he asked out Julie.

“You asked my wife out?” Gabe replies.

“Yeah, just a couple of minutes ago. In the hall.”

Gabe steps out in the hall and discovers Julie waiting for him. They agree to work out their problems. Yay, I guess. Seriously, Julie seemed really miserable with Gabe. Julie does say that she would like to tell a joke once in a while.

“I can be very funny,” Julie says. The audience laughs because even they know better. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To keep his pants up. Why does the fireman wear red suspenders? To get to the other side.”

That night, back at their apartment, Gabe asks Julie if he ever told her about his Aunt Bertha.

“No, no, wait!” Julie says, “Let me tell you about Aunt Bertha.” Aunt Bertha was so fat that when she sat around the house …. she sat around the house. That’s the joke.

This two-parter wasn’t bad at all. I like the fact that Gabe and Julie were both, more or less, equally responsible for the problems in their marriage and young John Travolta got to show off his natural comedic timing. Of course, if you know anything about the behind-the-scenes issues on Welcome Back, Kotter (like the fact that Marcia Strassman hated her time on the show), a lot of what happens in this episode takes on a deeper meaning.

Next week, Epstein finally finds a career path that doesn’t involve prison!

Scenes I Love: The Sopranos Stage An Intervention

Posted on July 29, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Perusing the imdb, I saw that today was the birthday of the late Tony Sirico. Sirico was a former mob associate who, after serving a term in prison, reinvented himself as an actor. Because of his background, he was often typecast as gangsters but he also proved himself to be an intelligent performer with perfect comedic timing. For a lot of us, he will always be remembered for playing Paulie on The Sopranos.

Today scene that I love comes from The Sopranos and it features excellent work from the entire cast, especially Tony Sirico. In this scene from the 2002 episode “The Strong, Silent Type,” the Sopranos and their associates stage an intervention for Christopher Moltisanti and it goes about as well as you might expect. In just five minutes, this scenes manages to capture everything that The Sopranos was about, as well as giving each member of the cast a chance to shine. Since this is Sirico’s birthday, I’ll just recommend that viewers especially watch Paulie’s facial expressions while Adriana reads her letter to Christopher.

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.12 “Rogues”

Posted on July 28, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

Max and McAllister continue their trip through California!

Episode 1.12 “Rogues”

(Dir by Gordon Hessler, originally aired on August 10th, 1984)

This week’s episode finds Max and McAllister on Los Angeles’s famed Rodeo Drive. We know that this episode takes place on Rodeo Drive because every single establishing shot opens with a close-up of the street sign. It’s as if someone in production said, “Do not let them forget that this episode is not only set on Rodeo Drive but we filmed it there as well!”

Wow, a television program filmed in Los Angeles! The Master was all about spoiling their audience.

Here’s my thing with Rodeo Drive — the word is pronounced Ro-Dee-O. Get out of here with all that Roe-Day-O nonsense, you yankees.

Anyway, this episode continues last week’s theme of McAllister and Max dropping in on people from Max’s past. Apparently, the hunt for John Peter McAllister’s long lost daughter has been abandoned so that Max can drop in on his old high school buddies. Seeing as how it hasn’t even been ten years since Max graduated from high school whereas McAllister has never even met his daughter and it’s totally possible that McAllister’s ninja rivals may be trying to kill her, it seems a bit odd that this is what Max and McAllister are concentrating on but whatever. We’re nearly done with this show anyway.

Max visits his ex-girlfriend, Talia (Cindy Harrell), at the health club where she works. Talia is an aerobics instructor, which means that there’s a lot of spandex in this episode. While McAllister deals with a trainer who takes one look at him and declares him to be in terrible shape (and she has a point because, unlike his stunt double, Lee Van Cleef was noticeably overweight and often seemed to be winded on The Master), Max talks to Talia and discovers that Talia’s brother, Jerry (Paul Tulley), became a cop and is now missing! Max promises to help her find Jerry.

However, it turns out that Jerry is just hiding outside the health club. When he sees Max’s van, he tosses a note inside of it, asking Max and McAllister to meet him. (How exactly did Jerry know that Max and McAllister would be able to help him?) It turns out that, while investigating a series of Rodeo Drive robberies, Jerry discovered that the culprits were rogue cops who had been hired by a local gallery owner. Now, the crooked policemen are after Jerry! Needless to say, it’s time for McAllister to put on his black ninja outfit so that Lee Van Cleef’s stunt double can beat up some corrupt law enforcers!

This was not a particularly memorable episode. The corrupt cops were generic villains and even the fight scenes, which were usually The Master‘s saving grace, felt sloppy and rushed. While it was always obvious that this show was dependent on stunt doubles, it was especially obvious in this episode as the stand-ins for both Van Cleef and Van Patten didn’t even resemble their respective actors. There was a brief moment of hope when the action moved to one of those police academy shooting ranges, full of fake buildings and cardboard targets but the show never really took advantage of the location’s potential. This was one of those episodes where it felt like the basic plot could have been used for a dozen other shows without having to make anything more than a few cosmetic changes. It could have just as easily been an episode of Half Nelson.

(L.A. — you belong to me! No, no, we’ve moved on….)

Next week …. The Master ends! Will McAllister even mention his missing daughter during the show’s final episode? We’ll find out!

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.17 “Prose and Cons” and 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

Posted on July 27, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, L-Train becomes a poet and “the kids” try to prank Ms. Noble because they literally have no life beyond obsessing on their principal. But before we get to any of that, let’s listen to that theme song and thrill to the shots of Scott Whyte and Wesley Jonathan wandering around New York City and totally looking like tourists.

Episode 5.17 “Prose and Cons”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Chris, Al, and Jamal are obsessed with pranking Ms. Noble. Apparently, in his entire history as principal of Manny High, Ms. Noble has never been pranked. It’s something in which she takes a lot of pride, to the extent that she taunts Chris, Al, and Jamal about the fact that she’s never been pranked….

Does this sound familiar? Yes, because Ms. Bliss did the same thing on the forerunner to Saved By The Bell, Good Morning, Miss Bliss. Then, when she sat down on a chair that had been covered in brown paint and ruined her sweater, she accused Screech of being responsible and held a mock trail in her classroom. Of course, it turned out that Ms. Bliss actually pranked herself to teach the class a valuable lesson and to traumatize Screech in the process.

Anyway, the boys try to prank Ms. Noble by sabotaging a water fountain but that just leads to Cassidy getting sprayed by a bunch of water. And then they attempted to replace her gardening magazine with a magazine full of naked men that Jamal just happened to have with him for some reason but, once again, Cassidy and Dawn showed up and caused Ms. Noble to accidentally spill coffee on the magazine before Ms. Noble could read it. For their final attempt, Chris, Jamal, and Al somehow sneak a bunch of farm animals and several bakes of hay into Ms. Noble’s office. They manage to prank her but, while Al is sneaking in the animals, Ms. Noble unknowingly praises Chris and Jamal for showing so much maturity in not trying to prank her. So, Ms. Noble gets pranked but Chris and Jamal end up feeling guilty.

The prank stuff was stupid but it was at least kind of funny in the very silly way that Peter Engel’s better shows often were. Of course, the prank stuff was also only the B-plot.

The A-plot features L-Train suddenly becoming a poet and winning so many new fans that he starts to ignore his girlfriend, Kianna. The main problem with this storyline is that L-Train’s poetry sucked and the idea that he would become a hero at the local jazz club due to his doggerel was never a believable one. As always, Steven Daniel delivered his lines with a likable sincerity but the story itself just felt rushed. City Guys was nearly over by this point and it’s hard not to feel that the writers were just treading water.

Episode 5.18 “Why Y’All Clippin”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on November 3rd, 2001)

Here’s the plot description from Wikipedia:

In this clip show, the whole gang is having problems over a yearbook picture and are giving each other the silent treatment. So Ms. Noble calls everybody to Manny High on Saturday to work things out by reflecting on memories of the good, the bad, and the ugly that they had over the span of their time as friends.

Hey, it’s a clip show! I hate those. I guess it’s a good thing that this is one of the season 5 episodes that is not available on YouTube.

Retro Television Reviews: The Love Boat 2.25 “Murder on the High Seas/Sounds of Silence/Cyrano de Bricker”

Posted on July 26, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, Sonny Bono shocks the squares!

Episode 2.25 “Murder on the High Seas/Sounds of Silence/Cyrano de Bricker”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 17th, 1979)

Uh-oh! The singer who Julie hired to perform on the cruise had to cancel! Fortunately, Gopher has a connection at a talent agent and he is able to recruit a replacement. Meet Dominic Dark!

He’s pretty fearsome! When he arrives on the boat, he’s accompanied by his manager (Arte Johnson) and a living snake. When he performs in the Acapulco Lounge, he destroys his instruments and sings about how much he loves rebelling against conventional society. But underneath that KISS-inspired makeup and behind those sub-Alice Cooper-style lyrics …. wait a minute …. is that….

Yes, this is one of the four episode of The Love Boat to feature singer and future U.S. Rep. Sonny Bono as a passenger on The Love Boat. (Fred “Gopher” Grandy would also go on to serve in the House as well.) Not surprisingly, Mr. Dark turns out to actually be a rather mild-mannered gentleman named Phil Backstrom. Phil wants to abandon all the gimmicks and just make a name for himself as a singer but his manager orders him to keep putting on the makeup and to keep upsetting the squares. While on the cruise, Phil meets and falls in love with Sara (Sheila Lenham), who understands his love of music and who is also deaf.

It’s actually a pretty sweet story and Sonny Bono is so likable that it’s easy to see how he managed to go from singing to having a career in politics. But the main appeal of this entire storyline, and indeed this entire episode, is the chance to see Sonny Bono playing a 70s-style shock rocker. It’s one of those ideas that is so ludicrous that it’s actually kind of fun. Bono looks so awkward in his makeup that it’s hard not to root for him. I also liked the fact that the other largely middle-aged and obviously wealthy passengers all loved Phil’s act. It seemed like Phil’s biggest fans were the same people who, in theory, were supposed to be shocked by his antics.

As for the other two stories, Jill St. John plays Mitzi, an old friend of Doc’s who boards the boat with her new husband, Vinnie (Charlie Callas). It’s supposed to be their honeymoon cruise but Vinnie seems to be more interested in gambling than honeymooning. At one point, he says that, after living with Mitzi for two years before getting married, the honeymoon just feels like another trip. Needless to say, Mitzi leaves their cabin and decides to spend the cruise in Doc’s office. Doc Bricker is able to bring Mitzi and Vinnie back together but it’s hard not to feel that Mitzi made the right decision when she left Vinnie the first time. I mean, Vinnie’s a jerk! And he seems to have a bit of a gambling problem….

Finally, Isaac thinks that he overhears two people (Peter Lawford and Dana Wynter) plotting to kill Captain Stubing. This leads to Isaac and eventually the entire crew getting into a panic but it turns out that Lawford and Wynter are just two mystery novelists plotting out their latest book. The main problem with this plot is that it hinged on a mistake that Isaac, at least based on what we’ve seen of him in previous episodes, normally wouldn’t make. Misunderstanding a conversation seemed more like something that Gopher would do. Isaac has always been the smart and down-to-Earth member of the crew and Ted Lange never looks quite as comfortable with slapstick antics of this episode as Fred Grandy probably would have.

In the end, this was fairly negligible episode that was occasionally amusing due to the efforts of future congressman Sonny Bono.