Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 12/17/23 — 12/23/23

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s been a busy week. I haven’t even had a chance to watch the finale of Survivor yet! But that’s okay. My mind is on the holidays right now.

Here’s some thoughts on what I watched this week:

Baywatch Nights (YouTube)

I wrote about Baywatch Nights here! I’m really enjoying this extremely silly show.

The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (YouTube)

This cute animated Christmas special from 1973 followed the adventures of a bear who decided not to hibernate for the winter because he wanted to experience Christmas firsthand. All of the other bears thought he was crazy. I was proud of him for following his dreams.

A Charlie Brown Christmas (Apple TV+)

I watched this on Friday evening. It’s one of my favorite Christmas traditions, from poor Charlie Brown’s attempts to direct the play to Snoopy’s impersonations. A few years ago, my sister wrote about this special.

Check It Out! (Tubi)

This week’s episode was a strange one. My review will drop in another 30 minutes or so.

CHiPs (Freevee)

I wrote about CHiPs here! Wow, Ponch really is a terrible cop, isn’t he?

Degrassi Junior High (YouTube)

I wrote about Degrassi Junior High and the start of season 2 here.

Fantasy Island (YouTube)

I’m happy to say that Fantasy Island has been re-uploaded to YouTube so now I basically have to binge as many episodes as possible before they get yanked down again. Otherwise, I’ll have to use that terrible Daily Motion site to watch the show. Anyway, I wrote about this week’s episode here.

Friday the 13th: The Series (YouTube)

I wrote about this week’s David Cronenberg-directed episode here!

Frosty The Snowman (DVR)

I recorded this classic Christmas special when CBS aired it on Saturday and then I watched it on Sunday. It always upsets me when Frosty melts. I think that’s because I live in Texas, where it hardly ever snows. So, when a snowman melts down here, it’s totally possible that he will never be able to return.

Frosty Returns (DVR)

Frosty’s back and he sounds a lot like John Goodman! I recorded this the same night that I recorded Frosty the Snowman. Frosty Returns is not quite as charming as the first special, as the environmental message is so heavy-handed that it almost feels like a parody. Still, I like snow and I like snowmen. Come back, Frosty!

Highway to Heaven (Tubi)

By wonderful coincidence, this week’s episode of Highway to Heaven was a Christmas episode! I reviewed it here.

Jennifer Slept Here (YouTube)

My review can be found here!

The Love Boat (Paramount Plus)

This week’s episode was really good. I wrote about it here!

Monsters (Tubi)

I reviewed Monsters here!

The Murder of Jill Dando (Netflix)

This three-part true crime series took a look at the still unsolved murder of a famous and influential British journalist and television host. It was an intriguing series, full of twists and turns and questions to which we may never get an answer.

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (DVR)

This special is undoubtedly a classic but it always bothers me to see what a jerk Santa is.

Seinfeld (Netflix)

Earlier today, I watched the Festivus episode and the episode where Kramer becomes a department store Santa Claus and is accused of being a communist. “Hey, this guy’s a commie! He’s spreading propaganda!”

T and T (Tubi)

I wrote about T and T here!

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back Kotter 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

Posted on December 23, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

This week, Julie gives birth and Woodman shares a story from his past!

Episode 3.3 “And Baby Makes Four, Part Two”

(Dir by Bob Claver, originally aired on September 15th, 1977)

After a recap of what happened in the previous episode (i.e., Julie went into labor and Barbarino was held back a grade), this episode picks up with the story already in progress. In other words, we don’t begin with any stories and jokes about Gabe’s family. Instead, we open with Barbarino checking Julie into the hospital.

While Julie is taken to the labor room, the admitting nurse asks Barbarino for some information.

“Name?” the nurse asks.

“Vinnie Barbarino,” Vinnie replies.

No, Vinnie! She wants Julie’s name and it turns out that Barbarino’s not sure. The nurse then asks, “What month?” When Barbarino struggles to remember the current date, the nurse clarifies, “How long has the mother been pregnant?”

“Who said my mother’s pregnant!?” Barbarino snaps, “I’ll break his face!”

This entire exchange reminds us of why Barbarino was left back. That said, John Travolta’s earnest delivery and vulnerable eyes makes it impossible not to feel at least a little love for Vinnie Barbarino.

Gabe shows up at the hospital, accompanied by the other Sweathogs. The rest of the episode is pretty much a collection of scenes of Gabe, the Sweathogs, and eventually Mr. Woodman saying and doing strange things while waiting for news about Julie. Yes, Mr. Woodman does show up. As he explains it, “I like to be around when a new delinquent is brought into the world.”

Seeing that Gabe is nervous, Woodman tells him a story about a time that Woodman “got a girl in trouble.” Woodman explains that he was dating a girl who was obsessed with feet so they naturally spent all of their time shopping for shoes. One night, while out on a date, they stopped by a shoe store and Woodman’s girlfriend fell for a shoe salesman who appreciated feet just as much as she did. They ran off together and one thing led to another.

Gabe points out that Woodman wasn’t the one who got the girl in trouble.

“I’m the one who took her to the shoe store,” Woodman explain.

Gabe considers Woodman’s words and then says, “Don’t ever tell that story again.”

Meanwhile, Horshack is scandalized to hear that Julie is in “the labor room.” “They’re making her work at a time like this!” Horshack declares.

Freddie steals some flowers from a guy who has kidney stones and gives them to Julie, explaining that she deserves the flowers more than some dude who “got his kidneys stoned.” When Julie’s doctor asks Freddie if he’s a relative, Freddie replies that “I’m the cousin they don’t talk about. I’m the …. white sheep on the family.”

As for Barbarino, he and Epstein try to figure out which train to take to get to Burma, which they assume is somewhere near the Bronx. Gabe says that he thinks that he can talk Woodman into letting Barbarino enter the 11th Grade. So, I guess that’s the end of that story.

Anyway, eventually, Gabe is informed that he’s the father of twin girls. TWINS! Gabe will have to double up on the jokes. Gabe goes to see Julie, who smiles beatifically because she now knows there will be someone else around to listen to Gabe talk about his Uncle Max.

This was an okay episode, in that every member of the cast got a chance to get some laughs and, unlike a lot of sitcom episodes featuring someone giving birth, the show avoided any cheap melodramatics. For me, the worst “birth” episode of any sitcom was the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory throws a fit because his mother has the nerve to go into labor on Valentine’s Day and ruin Cory’s plans with Topanga. Seriously, Cory Matthews was a little creep.

Next week: Julie’s parents come to visit!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th 1.12 “Faith Healer”

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on YouTube!

This week, David Cronenberg directs a story about a cursed glove.

Episode 1.12 “Faith Healer”

(Dir by David Cronenberg, originally aired on February 8th, 1988)

After being absent for the last few episodes, Jack has returned to the antique shop and he’s back just in time to investigate a faith healer named Stewart Fishoff (Miguel Fernandes).

Fishoff started his career as a phony evangelist, one who was exposed by one of Jack’s friends, Jerry Scott (Robert A. Silverman). However, Fishoff is back and now, it appears that he truly does have the power to heal the sick. Jack can’t help but notice that Fishoff is now wearing a white glove, one that was purchased from the store. The glove can take away someone’s illness but then it then passes on that illness to the next person that it touches. With Micki busy researching the store’s history and Ryan suffering from a cold, Jack pays a visit to Jerry to plot how to get back the glove.

The problem is that Jerry wants the glove for himself and he’s willing to kill not only Fishoff but also Jack to get it.

Faith Healer was directed by David Cronenberg, one of the many prominent Canadian horror filmmakers who directed an episode or two of this show. Not surprisingly, the episode is full of visually striking images, from Fishoff’s church and the member of his cult to the scenes of suddenly sickened skin erupting and then rotting away. Indeed, if you watched this episode and somehow missed the directorial credit, you would still be able to guess that it came from the mind of David Cronenberg. It’s full of moody Cronenbergian images and themes, as the rational skepticism of Jerry goes to war with the faith of Fishoff’s cult and both turn out to be equally destructive. A good deal of this episode focused on showing how both Fishoff and Jerry were seduced by the cursed glove and its promise of power. If you’ve ever wondered why everyone on this show is so quick to use the antiques for evil, this episode seems to suggest that the antiques are a bit like a powerful drug. Once you give in to the temptation, the addiction quickly follows.

This episode was well-acted by both Cronenberg regular Robert A. Silverman and Chris Wiggins. Silverman turns Jerry into a compelling villain, one who falls victim to the same dark magic that he previously made a career out of debunking. This episode ends with Jack in a particularly dark place and Chris Wiggins does a great job of capturing Jack’s disillusionment. As Jack points out, all of his friends are either evil or dead or both! This episode explores the pain that comes from both owning the antiques and tracking them down.

Next week: Micki and Ryan travel in time to pursue a vampire!

Retro Television Reviews: T and T 2.10 “Conspiracy”

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing T. and T., a Canadian show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The show can be found on Tubi!

This week, T.S. goes up against his scariest opponent yet!

Episode 2.10 “Conspiracy”

(Dir by Robert Malenfant, originally aired on December 5th, 1988)

Two pre-teens, Paul (Michael Fantini) and Colby (Alan Fawcett), come across a million dollars hidden away in an apparently deserted warehouse. In slow motion, Paul throw the money into the air and declares that he and Colby are rich. Of course, Paul doesn’t stop to consider that the money is probably linked to something illegal and that it’s dangerous for him and his best friend to take it.

Soon, Paul and Colby are spending money all over the place. They buy new clothes. They buy new bicycles. Local store owner Bud (Charles Woods Gray) is concerned about the amount of money that Paul and Colby suddenly seem to have. He meets with his old friend, T.S. Turner, and asks Turner to talk to the boys.

Paul and Colby meet with Turner at Decker’s gym and Paul lies and says that the money came from his grandmother. He also says that he loaned Colby the money for Colby’s new bike. After the boys leave, Turner says that he knows that there is more to the story and that he’s going to investigate on his own. Turner invites Joe to investigate with him. It’s good to see that the show’s writers finally remembered that Turner and Amy basically adopted Joe at the start of the second season.

Turner is not the only one investigating. The counterfeiter who created the money wants to know who stole it. Birken (Martin Neufeld) may drive a car with a personalized license plate that reads “Rainbow” but he’s still a scary dude. He’s so dangerous that he doesn’t even wear a shirt half the time! No one is going to tell Birken what to do.

Eventually, Birken kidnaps Paul and ties him to a chair and threatens to suffocate him if he doesn’t help Birken get back his money. That leads to this rather disturbing sight:

The villains on T and T are usually fairly generic and forgettable but Birken is probably the scariest man in Canada. He’s certainly the first villain on this show to be just as intimidating at Mr. T. As soon as Birken shows up, the viewer has no doubt that he’s willing to kill anyone to get back his money. For once, the stakes on this show feels real.

Or, at least, they feel real until T.S. Turner shows up at Birken’s loft. (This is yet another episode where T.S. somehow manages to sneak into a building without being noticed.) When he confronts Birken, Birken attemps to show off his karate moves but T.S. takes him down with one punch.

It’s a bit of an anti-climatic ending, which is a shame because this was actually, by the standards of T and T, a pretty good episode. Birken was both memorable eccentric and genuinely menacing. Still, he was no match for T.S. Turner. No one stops Mr. T.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Highway to Heaven 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”

Posted on December 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

It’s time for a Christmas episode!

Episode 1.13 “Another Song For Christmas”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on December 19th, 1984)

Oh, that Fast Eddie!

Played by the familiar character actor Geoffrey Lewis, Fast Eddie is a wealthy used car salesman. He knows how to turn on the charm. He knows how to close the sale. Fast Eddie may have grown up poor but now he’s rich and he’s determined to not sacrifice one cent. It’s the day before Christmas but Fast Eddie has no problem refusing to give money to charity. He has no problem ripping off an elderly couple looking for an affordable car. He has no problem firing Dave Ratchett (Jeff Doucette) when Dave refuses to roll back a car’s mileage. Fast Eddie doesn’t care that Dave’s son is sick and Fast Eddie certainly doesn’t care that it’s Christmas Eve. He even orders his butler (Ivor Barry) to work on Christmas Day.

Jonathan and Mark stop by Fast Eddie’s car lot but they don’t buy a car. They just observe Fast Eddie at work. After they leave, Mark watches as Jonathan has a brief conversation with Santa Claus (Don Beddoe). It turns out that, like Fast Eddie, Mark doesn’t really have the Christmas spirit. Jonathan suggests that Mark should re-read A Christmas Carol. Mark starts to read it but falls asleep after the first page.

Meanwhile, at his mansion, Fast Eddie also falls asleep but is soon awakened by Jonathan who takes him to the past and shows Eddie how his poor childhood led him to grow up to become overly obsessed with money. Mark then appears and shows Eddie what’s happening in the present. Eddie’s lawyers are trying to shut down a charity so that Eddie can buy their headquarters. Poor Dave Ratchett is having to explain to his family that he lost his job. Eddie is moved by the sight of Dave’s wheelchair-bound son, who will die unless he gets the operation that Dave will now never be able to afford. Finally, Jonathan takes him to the future and shows Eddie that no one will visit his grave after he dies.

Eddie wakes up infused with the spirit of Christmas and soon, he’s running around town and giving people, including Dave, all of his money and other gifts. Interestingly enough, Mark also wakes up and he tells Jonathan that he had a dream in which he was the Ghost of Christmas Present. Just like Eddie, Mark wakes up with a new appreciation for the Christmas holidays.

I’ve lost track of how many different version of A Christmas Carol that I’ve seen. The idea of turning Scrooge into a used car salesman is an interesting one and I liked the fact that Eddie and Mark apparently both had the same dream. This may be the only time in which one of the “ghosts” learned a lesson as well as Scrooge. That said, Geoffrey Lewis — who was good in so many different films — goes a bit overboard as Fast Eddie. He’s so desperate and twitchy that it’s easy to believe him as a used car salesman but not as a successful one.

Next week, Jonathan and Mark search for a missing friend.

Retro Television Reviews: Jennifer Slept Here 1.12 “The Tutor Who Came To Dinner”

Posted on December 21, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Jennifer Slept Here, which aired on NBC in 1983 and 1984. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week, Jennifer gets some competition!

Episode 1.12 ‘The Tutor Who Came To Dinner”

(Dir by John Bowab, originally aired on May 5th, 1984)

Concerned about Joey’s poor grades and the fact that he is always doing things like talking to no one and apparently playing ping pong by himself, George arranges for Joey to get a tutor.

At first, Joey is upset. He doesn’t want a tutor. As he explains it, he just got one D and it wasn’t even in an important class. But Joey changes his tune when Pam (Gail Edwards) arrives. Pam is supportive, enthusiastic, and always complimentary. She also always wears tight sweaters, which Jennifer quickly deduces is the main reason why Joey suddenly likes being tutored so much. Soon, Joey is asking his father if he believes that younger men should date older women.

Jennifer, however, does not trust Pam and it turns out that she’s absolutely right about Pam having a secret agenda. When Jennifer sees Pam walking through a closed door, she realizes that Pam is actually a ghost! Pam explains that the governing body of the spirit world has decided that Joey would be better off with a different ghost in his life so they’ve sent Pam to replace Jennifer.

This brings up a lot of questions. Jennifer Slept Here was never particularly consistent when it came to explaining why only Joey could see Jennifer or why Jennifer was even hanging around the house to begin with. Sometimes, Jennifer was portrayed as being a somewhat bratty ghost who just liked to play pranks on the people living in the house. Other times, Jennifer was portrayed as almost being a surrogate mother figure for Joey. That said, I think this is the first time that it’s actually been stated that Jennifer was specifically assigned to spend time with Joey. In fact, it almost sounds as if Jennifer is meant to be Joey’s guardian angel or something. So, why was Jennifer assigned to Joey? The simple solution was seem to be that it was because Joey and his family moved into Jennifer’s old house. But if Pam is going to be Joey’s new ghost than where is Jennifer supposed to go now? The implication is that Jennifer is going to have to leave but where is she supposed to go? And if Joey and his family ever move, does that mean Jennifer or Pam will automatically be assigned to whoever moves into the house next or would they be expected to travel with the family?

I know I’m overthinking all of this but to me, it is relevant as to why this show didn’t last, despite having two talented and likable leads. After twelve episodes, the show’s writers still hadn’t figured out just what exactly the true nature of Jennifer’s existence was. It’s not surprising that this led to a show that could be rather uneven.

Anyway, Joey pretends to be a messy brat in order to convince Pam that she doesn’t want to be his ghost. Pam seems right through Joey’s antics but she also realizes how much Joey and Jennifer care about each other so she agrees to leave. Continuity issues aside, this was a sweet episode. Joey really couldn’t ask for a better ghost friend.

Next week …. Jennifer Slept Here comes to an end!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Monsters 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire show is streaming on Tubi.

This week, a brave troll defends its treasure!

Episode 1.12 “Fools’ Gold”

(Dir by Greg Cannom, originally aired on January 21st, 1989)

Two constructions workers, Phil (Jeff Conaway) and Joe (T.J. Castronova), and their boss, Sherrie (Mary Cadorette), climb down into an underground tunnel. They’re expecting to find another construction worker who they believe is hiding in the tunnel. Instead, they discover the worker’s dead body and a gold coin.

Phil is super-excited about the gold and insists on exploring more of the tunnel. Joe and Sherrie stay behind while Phil explores. Joe talks about how, “in the old country,” his parents would tell him stories about faeries and goblins and trolls. Sherrie laughs and says that there’s no way Joe could actually believe in any of that.

Well, it’s actually a pretty good thing that Joe knows about trolls because there’s one in the tunnel! The troll (played, under a lot of makeup, by Debbie Lee Carrington) has hoarded all of the gold that it can find. According to Joe, trolls do this to trick people into entering their lair. Because trolls have a boiling hot blood, they can burn people just by touching them. Trolls are also vulnerable to sunlight and iron. That’s all Phil has to hear to decide that they should defeat the troll and try to steal the treasure for themselves.

The troll, however, is a bit more clever than the three of them realize. Not only is the troll a viscous attacker who can burn with one touch but the troll also has the ability to start an earthquake. When the troll does just that, Sherrie, Phil, and Joe find themselves trapped and fighting for their lives.

This episode featured three distinct human characters. Joe was good-hearted. Phil was greedy. Sherrie was somewhere in between. While Jeff Conaway overacted, both Mary Cadorette and T.J. Castronova gave adequate performances as Sherrie and Joe. That said, the definite star of this episode was the troll. Wisely, director Greg Cannom largely kept the troll in the shadows, which made it even more creepy as it ran around the tunnel. When the troll did attack, it was a genuinely frightening monster. What I liked is that the troll always moved quickly and ruthlessly. The troll wasn’t one of those slow monsters who show up in so many horror films. Instead, this troll was a predator, one that attacked quickly and showed no mercy. Seriously, no one watching this episode would want to run into that thing in a basement or anywhere else!

That said, this episode’s script was a bit underwhelming. The 20-minute runtime really doesn’t do Monsters any favors. This is an episode that would have benefitted from a longer run time and perhaps a somewhat darker ending. The humans were so unlikable that it was hard not to feel that they hadn’t earned a happy ending. I was Team Troll all the way.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”

Posted on December 20, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week’s cruise is actually a pretty good one.

Episode 3.22 “Not So Fast, Gopher/Haven’t We Met Before?/Seoul Mates”

(Dir by Gordon Farr, originally aired on February 9th, 1980)

This week’s episode opens with Gopher in a panic. His mother, Roz (Ethel Merman), is going to be on the cruise. It’s her first big trip after the death of Gopher’s father and Gopher wants her to have fun because she’s been so depressed. However, when Roz boards the ship, Gopher is stunned to see her laughing, singing, and hanging out with a male passenger named Lyle (Gene Rayburn). Roz seems so happy that Gopher starts to worry that she didn’t love his father.

Of course, the opposite is true. Roz is miserable but she doesn’t want Gopher to know how sad she’s feeling. She doesn’t want Gopher to worry about her and she also doesn’t want to make Gopher feel any worse about losing his father.

This storyline handled loss and sadness with an intelligence and a maturity that I don’t think most people would ever expect to see on the show like The Love Boat, with both Fred Grandy and Ethel Merman giving sensitive performances as two people struggling to come to terms with their grief. Gopher comes to realize that he’s been focusing on Roz’s grief so he’ll have an excuse to not think about his own and Roz comes to realize that she’s been doing the same thing to Gopher.

Now, of course, this is still The Love Boat so, of course, Roz ends up performing during the ship’s Passenger Talent Show. And, yes, Gopher doe show up at the last minute and, in order to let her know that he now understands her feelings, sings a duet with her. It’s a bit of goofy ending for an otherwise poignant story but, in its way, it definitely works. It’s a sweet scene.

The Gopher/Roz storyline is so poignant and so well-handled that it pretty much overshadows everything else that happens on the boat.

Korean comic Jimmy Kim (Johnny Yune) finds romance with a reporter named Kendall Park (Momo Yashima) but Kendall is offended by Jimmy’s act (which is full of jokes about life in Korea). However, after Roz talks about how much she enjoyed Jimmy’s humor, Kendall changes her mind and she and Jimmy leave the ship as a couple. This was an interesting story to watch and consider in the midst of our current, scolding, “That’s not funny” culture of 2023. If anything, it showed that debates about what one can or should joke about are hardly new to this century. But it just felt strange that it took a white woman appreciating Jimmy’s humor for Kendall to no longer be offended by jokes about Korea. If anything it would seem that Roz saying that she enjoyed hearing jokes about Korea would leave Kendall feeling even more offended by Jimmy’s act. I’m just glad that all of this didn’t lead to Captain Stubing doing his “I see you’ve been reading about your history” speech again.

Meanwhile, four blue collars friends board the ship. Three of them (played by the Hudson Brothers) announce that they’re going to pretend to be wealthy professionals. However, Paul Stockwood (Nicholas Hammond) announces that he is not going to pretend to be anything than the waiter that he is. That’s before Paul realizes that the wealthy Leila Stanhope (Haley Mills) is on the boat. Paul has waited on Leila several times at the Manhattan restaurant in which he works. When Leila tells Paul that he seems familiar, Paul lies and says that he’s a wealthy writer.

It all seems to be working well, until Paul decides to bring Leila breakfast. The sight of Paul carrying a tray of food is all it takes for Leila to remember who he is. At first, Paul calls Leila a snob and Leila calls Paul a liar. But then they fall in love anyway, which means that Paul will probably never have to work as a waiter again. Yay! Unfortunately, this storyline was hampered by the lack of chemistry between Nicholas Hammond and Hayley Mills. They were both attractive but they were also difficult to buy as a couple.

Even though two of the storylines were somewhat flawed, the story about Gopher and his mother elevated this entire episode and it made it one of the best episodes of The Love Boat that I’ve watched so far. This was a cruise to remember!

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Baywatch Nights 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Baywatch Nights, an detective show that ran in Syndication from 1995 to 1997. The entire show is currently streaming on Youtube!

This week, Ryan goes undercover!

Episode 1.6 “976 Ways To Say I Love You”

(Dir by Charles Bail, originally aired on November 4th, 1995)

The sixth episode of Baywatch Nights opens with Mitch and Garner doing a surveillance job on someone. They are sitting out in their car and watching their target and talking about how much they hate having to work surveillance.

One thing that I’ve noticed about the first few episodes of Baywatch Nights is that Mitch and Garner both seem to spend a lot of time complaining about their job. It’s a bit odd because it’s not like there’s any reason why they have to work as private detectives. Garner could rejoin the police department if he wanted to. Mitch actually has another full-time job as one of the top lifeguards in California. There’s nothing that says they have to spend their nights doing surveillance. (In fact, I’m not even sure how Mitch is balancing being a lifeguard with being a private eye.) I mean, if it’s such a bother being a private eye, just don’t do it anymore!

The surveillance subplot doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the episode. (It’s mostly just there so the episode can feature a joke about Garner and Mitch getting dusted by a crop duster that happens to fly over their convertible.) Instead, the majority of this episode deals with Mitch, Garner, and Ryan helping Addy (Heather Campbell), a former phone sex operator who was scammed by her boss and who is now apparently being stalked by someone who is trying to murder everyone who was involved with Addy’s former career. This is one of those cases that doesn’t really add up to much but it does provide Garner with a chance to do some real detective work and abandon his idea to abandon crime fighting and open a chicken franchise.

(Seriously, that’s what Garner was planning on doing.)

The investigation also leads to Ryan putting on a blonde wig and going undercover as a phone sex operator. Watching this episode, I got the feeling that the entire pitch was, “Angie Harmon says sexy things on the phone,” and the plot was basically developed around that one idea. It should be said that Angie Harmon actually does a pretty good job playing up Ryan’s irritation with having to go undercover. The way she rolled her eyes whenever some mouth-breather started to talk to her told us everything we needed to know about the experience. Unlike her whiny partner, Ryan did what she had to do to solve the case and good for her! Really, this entire series should have just been Ryan kicking ass and solving crimes. Garner and Mitch are just taking up space.

Along with Angie Harmon’s work as Ryan, this episode was also distinguished by the performance of Robert Ginty as the owner of the phone sex company. Ginty was wonderfully sleazy as a businessman who made no apologies for how he made his money. As well, Police Academy fans will probably be happy to see Michael Winslow, as a surveillance technician who imitates static.

The episode was not bad, even if it wasn’t particularly memorable. Ryan did a good job and again proved herself to be the best private eye in California. Seriously, though, Mitch and Garner need to stop crying so much. If you don’t want to do detective stuff, don’t become a detective!

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

Posted on December 19, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986. Almost the entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube, Daily Motion, and a few other sites.

This week, Roarke and Tattoo are still ignoring each other.

Episode 4.5 “The Love Doctor/The Pleasure Palace”

(Dir by Earl Bellamy and Cliff Bole, originally aired on November 22nd, 1980)

The plane has arrived and, once again, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo head down to the docks to meet their guests. And, as with the previous season four episodes, it’s hard not to notice that neither Ricardo Montalban nor Herve Villechaize are willing to look at each other while delivering their lines. I feel a little bit bad about having started almost every recent review by mentioning the obvious hostility between the two of them but it’s impossible not to notice. Previously, one of the show’s greatest strengths was the playful banter between Roarke and Tattoo and, when it’s gone, it’s impossible not to notice the absence.

Speaking of hostility, Gordon Hughes (Gary Burghoff) seem to have a lot resentment against the world. Thanks to the inheritance that he received from his grandmother, Gordon has graduated from law school and he is on the verge of joining a top law firm. But, before he does so, he wants to go back in the past and discover how his grandmother made all of her money. Mr. Roarke takes Gordon to a recreation of the saloon that his grandmother owned in turn-of-the-century San Francisco. Gordon takes a sip of brandy and is transported into the past. He quickly discovers that …. HIS GRANDMOTHER OWNED A BROTHEL!

At first, Gordon is upset about this discovery. But then he falls in love with one of his grandmother’s employees, a waitress named Molly (Barbie Benton). And then he stands up to a crooked cop (Dane Clark). And then he meets his grandmother (Ruta Lee) and discovers that she was tough and refused to let anyone push her around. Gordon realizes that he should be proud of his grandmother and his heritage and that he wants to be with Molly. But then the San Francisco earthquake hits and Gordon is abruptly transported to the present. Not to worry, though! It turns out Molly was also a guest having a fantasy and she and Gordon board the airplane home together.

This fantasy — which featured a lot of nice clothes and period detail — would have been effective if not for Gary Burghoff’s rather off-putting performance as Gordon. Seriously, Gordon came across as being such an uptight and self-righteous prig that it was difficult to have much sympathy for him. Of course, that was kind of the point. Gordon was supposed to be a snob but Burghoff made him such a convincing and such a committed snob that it was hard to believe that he could have changed his ways just over the course of a few days.

The second guest is actress Kim Holland (Loni Anderson), who is the biggest star in the world after appearing in only three movies. She wants a break from being a star so Mr. Roarke arranges for her to serve as a nurse in a remote clinic that is run by the gruff Dr. Greg Miller (Christopher George). Kim finds a purpose in life helping Dr. Miller but, when they’re kidnapped by a native tribe, Dr. Miller reveals that he has always known who Kim is. Dr. Miller plays one of her movies for the tribe, convincing them that Kim is a goddess. Miller goes on to explain that he’s been in love with Kim ever since he first saw her on screen. Seeing as Kim’s fantasy was to not be recognized for a few days, it would seem that Roarke failed to keep up his end of the bargain. But it doesn’t matter because Kim and Greg are in love. This fantasy could have worked with perhaps a different actress in the role of Kim. Loni Anderson gave such a blank performance as Kim that it was hard to really believe her either as a movie star or a nurse.

(Interestingly enough, the character of Kim Holland also appeared on the episode of The Love Boat that aired right before this episode. So, if nothing else, this is the first Love Boat/Fantasy Island cross-over. Incidentally, I’ll be reviewing that episode of The Love Boat in a few more months.)

This was a fairly forgettable episode. The island was lovely to look at and I’m glad that everyone found love but I just wish Mr. Roarke and Tattoo could be friends again.