Guilty Pleasure No. 67: Aerobicide (dir by David A. Prior)

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It doesn’t get more 80s than 1987’s Aerobicide, a rather ludicrous slasher film that is also known as Killer Workout.

The clients and the staff at Rhonda’s Work-Out are in danger. People are being murdered inside the gym, left and right. One member of the gym is slashed to death in the showers. Another one is beaten to death with a barbell while his friend is killed with a very large safety pin. One instructors ends up hanging in a closet while another is stabbed to death in a locker room. A group of teens show up to spray graffiti on the outside of the club and they all end up getting murdered as well.

Most people would assume that, with all of those murders going on, that the place would be closed down or, at the very least, people would stop frequenting the gym. But no, the opposite happens. Every murder is followed by an aerobics class, in which the camera shamelessly lingers on the lycra-clad participants, none of whom seem to be particularly concerned about working out at a crime scene. ( If your body’s looking too big, one of the film’s many songs tells us, Like a hippo or a pig/ Gotta workout/ gotta work out….) The gym’s owner, Rhonda Johnson (Marica Karr), doesn’t seem to be particularly concerned about the gym getting a bad reputation as a result of all the murders. Instead, she’s more annoyed with her surviving instructors, snapping at one, “Stop showing off your tits and that tight little ass!” Personally, I would think looking good would be a top priority for someone working at a gym but apparently, Rhonda feels differently.

(Then again, if people were being murdered at my gym, I’d probably cancel my membership, despite the fact that my gym is only a few blocks away from my house and most of the people who go there are relatively cool. That said, the main reason why I signed up for a membership was so my sister could get a discount on her membership fees. Personally, I prefer running.)

Even if Rhonda refuses to close the gym, you would think that Lt. Morgan (David James Campbell) would make sure that the gym had a full-time police presence. Eventually, Morgan does assign one policeman to watch the gym but that’s only after several murders have already occurred and that one policeman’s presence doesn’t really do much good. Then again, Lt. Morgan never comes across as being a particularly good cop. Morgan is spectacularly bad at his job, which wouldn’t be a huge problem if not for the fact that Morgan is also the hero of the film. Eventually, he does figure out that the murders are connected to a tragic tanning bed accident but it’s hard to say how exactly he managed to do that. Rather than actually showing us Lt. Morgan gathering clues and drawing conclusions, the film just has him randomly blurt stuff out.

It’s all pretty ridiculous but, because the film is such a film of it’s time, it’s also rather fascinating. Killer Workout may not have been the only or even the first film to combine Flashdance with slasher chills but it is the first one to feature a song with lyrics like, “It’s the perfect body you’re looking for/it’s aerobocide.” This is one of those films where you come for the big hair and the 80s fashions and the bass-heavy score and you stay for the ludicrous plot twists, the overacting, the overheated dialogue, and the out-of-nowhere plot twists that dominate the film’s final 30 minutes. It’s not necessarily a “good” film but I defy anyone to look away once it begins.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Horror Film Review: Kiss of the Vampire (dir by Don Sharp)

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

The 1963 Hammer film opens with a funeral in early 20th century Bavaria. It’s a solemn affair, full of mourning villagers and taking place in an atmospheric cemetery. However, just as the wooden coffin is being lowered into the grave, the stern Prof. Zimmer (Clifford Evans) walks through the funeral party, carrying a stake and a hammer. Without bothering to open the coffin, he hammers the stake through the lid. As the members of the funeral party wail and scream, bright red blood bubbles up from the coffin.

Yep, it’s a Hammer vampire film! That means that once again, we’ve got a small village, we’ve got superstitious townspeople, we’ve got an aristocratic vampire and his vampire brides, and we’ve got a mix of red blood and cleavage. What we do not have is Christopher Lee, despite the fact that Kiss of the Vampire was originally planned to be a Dracula film. Lee, who was a serious student of the occult and a fan of Bram Stoker’s version of the legendary vampire, was very much not a fan of Hammer’s interpretation of the character and, whenever he could get out of doing a Hammer Dracula film, he would.

As a result, Kiss of the Vampire features not Dracula but instead Dr. Ravna (Noel Willman), a vampire who lives in a castle and who has a loyal cult of followers. Both his son (Barry Warren) and his daughter (Jacquie Wallis) are also vampires. When two British newlyweds drive into town on their honeymoon, Dr. Ravna hopes to turn Marianne Harcourt (Jennifer Daniel) into a vampire as well. Marianne’s husband, Gerald (Edward de Souza), teams up with Prof. Zimmer to keep that from happening. It’s vampire doctor versus human professor!

This was director Don Sharp’s first horror film for Hammer and he does a pretty good job of creating an appropriately gothic atmosphere. Almost all of the things that we love about Hammer films is present in Kiss of the Vampire, from the cobblestone streets to the imposing castles to the elaborate masquerade ball that allows Dr. Ravna to abduct Marianne in the first place. There’s also a lot of blood, including a wonderfully grisly scene where Prof. Zimmer deliberately sets his arm on fire in order to cauterize a vampire bite. Visually, the film is full of macabre images and operatic horror. In fact, one could argue that the absence of Dracula and Van Helsing allows Kiss of the Vampire to go in a direction that the other Hammer vampire films could not. The finale, which featured the heroes using black magic to battle the vampires, was originally meant to be the finale of The Brides of Dracula until Peter Cushing objects that Prof. Van Helsing would never use dark magic to battle a vampire. Prof. Zimmer, on the other hand, had no such qualms.

That said, the film really does suffer from the fact that Noel Willman does not have the evil charisma of Christopher Lee and Dr. Ravna and Prof. Zimmer do not share the long history of Dracula and Van Helsing. Kiss of the Vampire is a good film but it’s hard not to mourn what it could have been.

Horror On The Lens: Attack of the Giant Leeches (dir. by Bernard Kowalski)

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

For today’s public domain horror film, I present to you 1959’s Attack of the Giant Leeches. This 60-minute film is a classic Drive-in film. It features an iconic performance from Yvette Vickers, who is one of my favorites of the strong, confident, unapologetically sexy women who dominated the old B-movies. (Plus, she was only 5’3 and it’s not easy being brave when you’re having to look up at everyone. Trust me, I know.) This short little film is steamier than Louisiana in August and is full of bayou atmosphere.

I have to admit that I’m kinda freaked out by the scenes of people floating underwater in this film. And leeches .… agck! Don’t even get me started on leeches. Especially giant leeches….

Artwork of the Day: Thrilling Mystery (by Rafael DeSoto)

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Dazzling Erin

by Rafael DeSoto

This cover is from 1936 and wastes no time getting to the point.

Music Video of the Day: The Wild and the Young by Quiet Riot (1986, directed by Jeff Stein)

Posted on October 16, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

The music video for Quiet Riot’s The Wild and The Young takes place in a future that’s controlled by the military and the Parents Resource Music Center (PRMC), the Tipper Gore-led organization that campaigned for albums and CDs to come with warning labels. Because the PRMC was largely made up with the wives of U.S. Senators, there was actually a Senate hearing on obscene lyrics in 1985, which led to a bunch of Senators being made to look foolish by everyone from Dee Snider to Frank Zappa.

Director Jeff Stein has directed several TV shows, along with doing videos for The Who, Weezer, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, George Clinton, Cinderella, Warrant, and Wilson Phillips.

Horror on TV: The Hitchhiker 5.12 “Spinning Wheel” (dir by George Mihalka)

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker, Patti D’Arbanville is perfectly cast Wendy, a performance artist who uses her disturbing nightmares for inspiration and who finds herself losing her grasp on reality.

The episode originally aired on August 5th, 1989.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: The Psychotronic Man (dir by Jack M. Sell)

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

If you can figure out what’s going on in 1979’s The Psychotronic Man, you’re definitely doing better than most people who have sat through this film.

Filmed on location in Chicago (at a time when the original Mayor Richard Daley was supposedly encouraging filmmaker to shoot anywhere but Chicago because he didn’t want anyone to film anything that could make his city look bad), The Psychotronic Man tells the story of an alcoholic barber named Rocky (Peter Spelson). One day, after work, Rocky decides to drive the long way home, which apparently means driving through every inch of rural Illinois. Seriously, you really do have to wonder just where exactly Rocky lives. Rocky decides to pull over so that he can get some sleep. Suddenly, his car is floating in the air. Was Rocky just having a dream or were aliens trying to abduct him? Rocky’s concerned and so is his wife and so is his mistress.

Rocky goes to a doctor but the doctor has nothing useful to tell him, beyond prescribing his some aspirin for his headaches. Rocky tries to investigate on his own but this just leads to him getting a shotgun pulled on him by a suspicious farmer. This is when Rocky discovers that he can kill people with his mind.

How has Rocky developed the power to kill people with his mind? Your guess is as good as mine, though the film does feature an professor at the University of Chicago who suggests that Rocky’s power is one that we all have, buried deep in our subconscious. Perhaps Rocky’s meeting with the aliens caused this powers to be unlocked. I mean, it’s as good an explanation as any, though you have to wonder why aliens would suddenly want to give an unappealing barber the ability to kill people with his mind. That seems pretty irresponsible on the part of the aliens.

Well, no matter! Rocky’s in a lot of trouble now and he’s got not only the police but also a government agent after him. (The government would like to learn how Rocky developed his “psychotronic powers.”) This leads to several scenes of Rocky and the police walking around Chicago, looking for each other. I would say that probably about 75% of this film is just filler. The plot gets repetitive in record time, as does the bell-dominated soundtrack. Every few minutes, a bell rings as if we need to be reminded that Rocky is one step closer to meeting his psychotronic destiny.

Personally, I enjoyed seeing the location footage of Chicago and the surrounding countryside. It was obvious that the film was shot without bothering to get permits so the majority of the people in the background were probably just people trying to either shop or get to work. That said, The Psychotronic Man plays out a torturously slow pace and Rocky is not at all an appealing main character. Even before he turns into a psycho mind killer, he’s a drunk who slips from a flask while driving and who is cheating on his wife. As far as I’m concerned, Rocky deserved whatever he got!

Finally, this film has lived on due to the fact that it introduced the word Psychotronic to the world. Michael J. Weldon later borrowed the term for The Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film, The Psychotronic Video Guide, and Psychotronic Video magazine. Psychotronic is usually a term used to describe low-budget B-movies, the majority of which are better than The Psychotronic Man.

Cruella’s Castle (2010, directed by Fred Olen Ray)

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Jedadiah Leland

Dr. Bikini Jones (Christine Nguyen) is a world-famous adventurer and archeologist who is willing to brave any danger and sleep with any security guard or spy in her hunt for treasure. She has just recovered a golden idol that contains a code that will lead to the Temple of Eros and a tiara that, when worn, makes the wearer the Empress of Moronica.

Evilla Cruella (Heather Vandeven) may have born in Hoboken but her family came from Mornica and she is determined to be Queen of the Morons. She sends her lover Drago (Frankie Cullen) and her other lover, Carol (Rebecca Love), to steal the idol. Working with CIA agent Mark X (Tony Marino), Bikini must keep Cruella from being the first to find the Temple of Eros. It won’t be easy because the Temple itself is guarded by a hungry dinosaur!

Cruella’s Castle started life as an 82-minute softcore film called Bikni Jones and The Temple of Eros. When the film moved to streaming, it was edited to remove all of the explicit sex and most of the nudity and renamed Cruella’s Castle. (Without the sex and boobs, Cruella’s Castle is only 40 minutes long.) I imagine many would say that the editing took the main reason why anyone would want to watch this movie in the first place but, even in edited form, Cruella’s Castle has got enough double entendrees and intentionally dumb jokes to be entertaining. The dinosaur is surprisingly effective, considering that the budget for this movie was undoubtedly not high and Christine Nguyen has so much energy and enthusiasm as Bikini Jones that it’s hard not to mourn that she hasn’t had any more adventures. This is a typical Fred Olen Ray joint, dumb but inoffensive and even a little fun if you’re in the right mood.

Retro Television Reviews: The Failing of Raymond (dir by Boris Sagal)

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing the made-for-television movies that used to be a primetime mainstay. Today’s film is 1971’s The Failing of Raymond! It can be viewed on YouTube!

Poor Raymond!

Played by a young Dean Stockwell, Raymond is patient at a mental hospital who blames everything that has gone wrong on his life on one failed test. During his senior year of high school, he got a 61 on an English test and, as a result, he not only only failed the class but he also wasn’t allowed to graduate. The test was administered by a substitute teacher named Mary Bloomquist (Jane Wyman), one who did not know that Raymond had a reputation for being a bit eccentric. When Raymond tried to ask her whether or not the final two questions were for extra credit, Mary refused to call on him because she was more preoccupied with her failed affair with another teacher (Dana Andrews). Raymond didn’t answer the final two questions, even though he believed that he had the correct answers. Now, locked away in a hospital, Raymond comes across an article announcing that beloved teacher Mary Bloomquist will soon be retiring and moving to England.

Seeking revenge, Raymond escapes from the hospital. While police Sgt. Manzek (Murray Hamilton) search for Raymond, Raymond returns to his old school. When he finds Mary in her classroom, Mary mistakes Raymond for a mover responding to a classified ad asking for help in getting all of her things packed up. Raymond may be a homicidal but he also craves direction and praise so he helps Mary with her packing. As he packs, Mary talks about her decision to retire and it turns out that she’s not quite the monster that Raymond imagined her to be. Mary is retiring because she feels that she has never made a difference as a teacher.

That said, Raymond is still determined to get his revenge. He wants Mary to give him the test a second time and to give him a passing grade. And if she doesn’t, he’s prepared to kill her. Unfortunately, despite claiming to have spent years studying the material, Raymond still thinks that Robert Browning wrote the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.…

As the old saying goes, you never know how much your actions might effect someone else’s life. Mary is a dedicated and well-meaning teacher who cares about her students but her decision to fail Raymond, made on a day when she was distracted by her own personal problems, is something that Raymond has never forgotten or forgiven. Mary can barely remember it happening but Raymond has based his entire life around that moment and, as the film progresses, it becomes clear that he’s incapable of understanding that the entire world doesn’t revolve around what happened to him during his senior year. On the one hand, Mary definitely should have answered Raymond’s question about whether or not the final two questions were multiple choice. On the other hand, Raymond has clearly been using the incident as an excuse to justify every mistake that he’s made sense. Ironically, Raymond’s quest for revenge gives Mary the chance to finally be the teacher that she truly wants to be.

It’s an intriguing premise. Unfortunately, like so many made-for-TV movies from the early 70s, The Failing of Raymond is occasionally a bit too stagey for its own good. Despite only being 73 minutes long, it never really develops any sort of narrative momentum. That said, Dean Stockwell gives a performance that makes clear why Alfred Hitchcock was planning on casting him as Norman Bates if Anthony Perkins somehow fell through. As played by Stockwell, Raymond is unfailingly polite and so obviously wounded that it’s impossible not to feel sympathy for him, even when he’s threatening to kill his former teacher. Jane Wyman, as well, gives a sympathetic performance as Mary, who, despite that one bad day with Raymond, really is the type of teacher we all wish we could have had.

This film was directed by Boris Sagal, who did several made-for-TV movies and also directed Charlton Heston in The Omega Man. His daughter, Katey Sagal, makes her film debut in a small role as one of Raymond’s fellow patients.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Piper Laurie in Carrie

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So far, this month, I’ve been doing these horror scenes that I love in alphabetical order based on who was featured in the scene. Originally, today was going to be devoted to Boris Karloff but, last night, I read the news that the great Piper Laurie had passed away at the age of 91.

Have no doubt that Boris Karloff will be honored tomorrow but, for today, I would be remiss if I didn’t pay tribute to Piper Laurie. Piper Laurie often said that, when she read the script for 1976’s Carrie, she at first didn’t understand the story’s tone until she realized that Margaret White was meant to be as comedic as she was frightening. Piper Laure’s performance as Carrie’s mother resulted in an Oscar nomination and it also revived Laurie’s career. (Laurie had semi-retired from Hollywood following her previously Oscar-nominated work in The Hustler.)

In the scene below, Margaret makes one last attempt to keep Carrie from going to the prom. Her line, “They’re all going to laugh at you” comes back to haunt Carrie in a very big way.

One final bit of Piper Laurie horror trivia: In 1959, when Alfred Hitchcock was casting Psycho, Piper Laurie was his second choice, behind Janet Leigh, for the role of Marion Crane.