Film Review: Blood Red (1989, directed by Peter Masterson)

Posted on June 11, 2019 by Jedadiah Leland

The time is the 1890s. The place is California. Sicilian immigrant Sebastian Collogero (Giancarlo Giannini) has just been sworn in as an American citizen and owns his own vineyard. When Irish immigrant William Bradford Berrigan (Dennis Hopper) demands that Sebastian give up his land so Berrigan run a railroad through it, Sebastian refuses. Berrigan hires a group of thugs led by Andrews (Burt Young) to make Sebastian see the error of his ways. When Sebastian ends up dead, his wayward son, Marco (Eric Roberts), takes up arms and seeks revenge.

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if the famously self-indulgent directors Michael Cimino and Francis Ford Coppola teamed up to make a movie about the American Dream? The end result would probably be something like Blood Red. Like Cimino’s The Deer Hunter and Heaven’s Gate, Blood Red begins with a lengthy celebration (in this case, in honor of Sebastian’s naturalization ceremony) that doesn’t have much to do with the rest of the film but which is included just to make sure we know that what we’re about to see is more than just a mere genre piece. Like many of Coppola’s films, Blood Red features a tight-knit family, flowing wine, and a score composed by Carmine Coppola. The only difference between our hypothetical Cimino/Coppola collaboration and Blood Red is that the Cimino/Coppola film would probably be longer and more interesting than Blood Red. Blood Red is only 80 minutes long and directed by Peter Masterson, who seems lost. There’s a potentially interesting story here about two different immigrants fighting to determine the future of America but it gets lost in all of the shots of Eric Roberts flexing his muscles.

For an actor known for his demented energy, Eric Roberts is surprisingly dull as the lead but Blood Red is a film that even manages to make veteran scenery chewers like Dennis Hopper and Burt Young seem boring. (Hopper’s bizarre attempt at an Irish brogue does occasionally liven things up.) The cast is full of familiar faces like Michael Madsen, Aldo Ray, Marc Lawrence, and Elias Koteas but none of them get to do much. Of course, the most familiar face of all belongs to Eric’s sister, Julia. Julia Roberts made her film debut playing Marco’s sister, Maria. (Because the film sat on the shelf for three years after production was completed, Blood Red wasn’t released until after Julia has subsequently appeared in Mystic Pizza and Satisfaction.) She gets three lines and less than five minutes of screen time but she does get to briefly show off the smile that would later make her famous. Today, of course, that smile is the only reason anyone remembers Blood Red.

Let’s Talk About Monster Island (dir by Mark Atkins)

Posted on June 2, 2019 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Oh hell yeah, the Asylum strikes again! And this time, it’s all about Kaiju, helicopters, and Eric Roberts!

Listen, folks, if you don’t get automatically excited when you see the words “Kaiju,” “helicopters,” and “Eric Roberts” all in the same sentence, I don’t know what to tell. Obviously, you’re not the audience that this film was made for. This is a film for people who enjoy monster mayhem, things exploding, and helicopters. Seriously, it’s not an Asylum film without a helicopter.

Admittedly, Eric Roberts’s role is actually pretty small. He plays Admiral Butler and he’s got an entire fleet of warships at his disposal. You’d think that would be just what you would want when dealing with a bunch of recently awakened ancient monsters but it turns out that the Admiral is pretty stubborn. He’s better at shouting into telephones than understanding the logic behind Kaiju. And if you’re saying to yourself, “Would we really want Eric Roberts to be in charge of the U.S. Navy?,” you are again missing the point. Asylum films, like this one, create their own parallel universe. It’s a universe where monsters live, sea creatures can take down helicopters, and, of course, Eric Roberts is going to be in charge of a battleship.

The main character is Billy Ford (Adrian Bouchet, giving a cheerfully flamboyant performance), a billionaire who operates out of a beach house and whose underwater sea mining operation may be responsible for awakening the fearsome Tengu. (Tengu looks kind of like a giant starfish and has molten magma for blood.) Billy has two people working in the basement of his beach house. Cherise (Donna Cormack Thompson) has been working with him forever. Riley (Chris Fisher, giving a nicely neurotic performance) is such a recent hire that Billy still calls him “James.” When it becomes apparent that something has awakened at the bottom of the ocean, Billy, Cherise, and Riley head underwater to investigate.

Coming along with them is Sarah Murray (Natalie Robbie), who works for the government and who is an expert in geomythology. Geomythology is the study of alleged references to actual geological events in mythology. Geomythology is a real thing and, after having watched this movie, I kind of wish that I had at least minored in it. At one point, Sarah has to go to her former Geomythology professor (Margot Wood) for advice on how to stop Tengu from destroying the world and it turns out the professor lives in this huge cabin. There’s money to made in keeping track of the world’s Kaiju.

Anyway, needless to say, once Tengu is awakened, it’s pretty much determined to end the world. This movie, as you can probably guess from the title, pays homage to the Japanese monster movies of old. When flying, fire-breathing monsters start hatching from eggs and attacking the world, their battle shrieks will be familiar to anyone who has ever seen a movie featuring Godzilla, Mothra, or Rodan. When the film reaches the point of two giant monsters fighting each other while a bunch of human beings watch on, it’s impossible not to be reminded of Godzilla fighting King Kong. It’s all in good fun, a monster movie made by people who loves monster movies for people who love monster movies.

Monster Island is a film to watch and to enjoy for the mayhem and the destruction. Watch it to enjoy Eric Roberts bragging about the Navy’s new “sonar weapon.” Watch it for the scene where one person makes the mistake of taunting one of the monsters. (Piece of advice: Don’t ever yell “Come on!” at a create that can breathe fire.) Watch it for giant starfish rising out of the ocean and the crashing helicopters. Get a group of your friends together and enjoy the movie because the Asylum is back and so are the monsters and the helicopters!

Monster Island aired on the SyFy Network last night and it’ll probably air again. Keep an eye out!

Insomnia File #38: Six: The Mark Unleashed (dir by Kevin Downes)

Posted on October 31, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

What’s an Insomnia File? You know how some times you just can’t get any sleep and, at about three in the morning, you’ll find yourself watching whatever you can find on cable? This feature is all about those insomnia-inspired discoveries!

If on Sunday night, if you were having trouble getting to sleep around midnight and if you lived in North Texas, you could have turned over to channel 58 and watched a 2004 film called Six: The Mark Unleashed.

Six: The Mark Unleashed is an evangelical film about the end of the world. By that, I mean there’s a lot of talk about tribulation, the mark of the Beast, and all the rest of that. The whole world is one big secular dystopia, in which people who refuse to accept the mark of the beast are sent to prison and given the choice of either getting the mark or getting their head chopped off.

I think one reason why so many faith-based films deal with the end of the world is because it allows characters to rebel, break the law, blow stuff up, and steal cars while still getting to remain a believer. I mean, usually, you run into the problems of turning the other cheek and giving unto Caesar what is Caesar’s but, once you’ve been left behind, you can pretty much do anything you want because you’re fighting against Satan.

Now, admittedly, the car thieves in Six aren’t into religion. They’re just rebels who didn’t want to get the mark and who are talked into stealing a car by Eric Roberts. (That’s right, Eric Roberts is in this movie. Eventually, Eric Roberts will be in every movie.) Anyway, the two thieves get caught in that stolen car and they get sent to prison.

Also getting sent to prison is Tow Newman, who is a smuggler who was arrested by his own ex-wife! Tom is given the option of either losing his head or infiltrating a group of Christians and killing their leader. What’s interesting about this is that Tom is played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. That’s right. Negan is in this movie! Morgan goes all in and does a pretty good job as Tom. In fact, I’d say his performance here is more interesting than his work on The Walking Dead. It helps, of course, that Tom is the only person in the film who actually has a character arc.

Stephen Baldwin’s in the movie, too. That’s not really a shock because it’s a proven statistic that 9 out of 10 evangelical movies will feature Stephen Baldwin. Anyway, Baldwin plays Luke, who is a prison preacher and who teaches everyone about peace and forgiveness. He gets beat up for his troubles.

In the end, it all leads to three characters being tortured until they agree to accept the mark of the beast. Two of them refuse and lose their heads. One says yes and regrets it forever. Try to guess who does what! It’s fun.

Anyway, I have to admit that I always find these low-budget, independent films to be a little bit fascinating. It’s always interesting to me to see movies that were obviously made with one very specific audience in mind, whether that audiences is religious, political, or whatever. Six is the type of film that, quite literally, preaches to the choir. Those who share its vision of the end of the world will nod in agreement. Those who do not will roll their eyes. Both sides will probably end up getting too worked up, since that’s what people tend to do. Myself, I just find myself wondering if there’s any role that Eric Roberts would turn down.

Previous Insomnia Files:

Cleaning Out The DVR: In the Blink of An Eye (dir by Michael Sinclair)

Posted on September 19, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I recorded the 2009 film, In The Blink of an Eye, off of one of the local channels on September 9th.

Remember how Bill Murray had to relive the same day over and over again in Groundhog Day?

Well, consider this to be Rapture Day!

David A.R. White, who has been involved in several faith-based, apocalyptic-minded productions, plays David, an agnostic cop who saves the life of pop star Lindsey O’Connor (Jessica Hope), who is obviously meant to be a Britney Spears/Miley Cyrus type of figure. She really needs someone to step in and help her get some control over her life but, before that can happen, she has to go on vacation in Mexico with her manager. Since David saved her life and all, he and his wife (Andrea Logan White) and his ultra-religious partner (Lonnie Colon) are invited to accompany her.

Of course, David has an ulterior motive for accepting that invitation. David’s captain (Eric Roberts!) thinks that Lindsey’s manager might have connections to the shadowy world of international organized crime! So, David is not only going to Mexico to relax. He’s also going down there to investigate!

But, of course, then the Rapture happens so none of that really matters. David’s wife vanishes. David’s partner vanishes. You know who doesn’t vanish? That’s right — David!

At first, David is confused as to what happened. In fact, he’s so confused that he ends up getting killed by Lindsey’s manager! But fear not! No sooner has David died than he’s waking up and reliving the day. Once again, his wife and his partner vanish. Once again, David gets killed. Once again, David awakens and has to relive the whole day all over again…

So, here’s my issue with In the Blink Of An Eye. Now, admittedly, I don’t share the film’s Evangelical background but, since the film takes a premillennialist approach to its story, doesn’t that mean that everyone in the movie should only get one chance to be raptured? I mean, isn’t the idea that the “living elect” ascend to the Heaven and everyone who didn’t get selected basically has to live through the tribulation, regardless of whether they later come to have faith or not?

But instead, in this film, David gets not just one chance but six different chances to get raptured! That doesn’t seem quite fair, especially since no one else in the film appears to get that chance. Eric Roberts certainly doesn’t get that chance. Instead, he just get an email telling him not accept the sign of the beast. That really doesn’t seem quite fair.

But hey, at least Eric Roberts is in the movie! Seriously, you never know where Eric Roberts is going to pop up. He doesn’t really get to do much in this movie. His role is mostly a cameo but he’s Eric Roberts so who cares?

In the Blink of an Eye attempts to wed religious debate with a crime thriller plot. Due to some awkward dialogue, stiff performances, and a particularly bizarre obsession with denouncing popular music, (the cops make some comments about dealing with “the people who listen to rap music” that will literally have you cringing), the film doesn’t come any where close to working. That said, I have to admit that, as someone who is always interested in films made outside of the normal studio system, that I do often find these low-budget, faith-based films to be interesting, just for the chance to see what people can do when they have no money but a lot of enthusiasm.

What Lisa Watched Last Night #182: Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (dir by Doug Campbell)

Posted on June 11, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

On Sunday night, I watched the third chapter in the Stalked By My Doctor franchise, Patient’s Revenge!

Why Was I Watching It?

The obvious answer is that I was watching it because it was on Lifetime. This summer, Lifetime is going to be premiering a new movie every Sunday. Given my obsession with Lifetime movies, it shouldn’t be hard to guess what I’ll be doing on most Sunday nights.

Of course, at the same time, I absolutely loved both Stalked By My Doctor and Stalked By My Doctor: The Return. There was no way that I was going to miss the next chapter in the saga of Dr. Albert Beck.

And finally, there’s the Eric Roberts factor. Quite a few of us here at the TSL Bunker are fascinated by the always interesting, often downright bizarre career of Eric Roberts. He’s a talented and always quirky actor who apparently really likes to work. The appeal of Eric Roberts is you never know where he’s going to turn up. You can find him in theaters. You can find him on Lifetime. You can find in him in blockbusters and you can find him in short students films. You can even find him in music videos. Eric Roberts is everywhere! And, even more importantly, he’s always willing to throw himself into every role that he plays, no matter how bizarre that role may be.

What Was It About?

Following the events of the second Stalked By My Doctor film, Dr. Albert Beck (Eric Roberts) was put on trial for kidnapping Sophie Green (Brianna Joy Chomer). Despite all of the evidence against him, Dr. Beck was acquitted. (Perhaps it had something to do with the way he smiled and waved at one certain juror during the trial…) Now, Dr. Beck is teaching at a college in Arizona. To most people, Dr. Beck appears to be perfectly normal, if understandably anxious. However, it doesn’t take long to discover that Dr. Beck still has plenty of issues.

For instance, the first time he steps into a classroom, he immediately imagine all of his students undressing in front of him. Whenever Beck talks to himself, he imagines that he sees another Dr. Beck sitting in front of him. The imaginary Dr. Beck wears a Hawaiian shirt and always seems to disagree with whatever the real Dr. Beck wants to do.

Following Beck’s acquittal, Sophie has started dressing in all black. She’s also secretly transferred to Dr. Beck’s school, where she immediately starts to circulate a petition to get him fired. However, Dr. Beck apparently has a new girlfriend. Her name is Melissa (Anna Marie Dobbins) and she appears to be just as obsessed with Dr. Beck as Dr. Beck once was with Sophie. When Melissa says that she’ll do anything to protect Dr. Beck, she’s not exaggerating. Soon, Melissa is taking things further than even Dr. Beck could have predicted…

What Worked?

Three words: Dancing Eric Roberts. At one point, out of nowhere, Dr. Beck starts to sing to Sophie. He takes her hand and the two of them start to dance by the side of the road. Of course, it’s another one of Dr. Beck’s fantasies but who cares? It’s a brilliantly strange and unexpected moment and it’s also a perfect example of what makes the Stalked By My Doctor films so much fun. Dr. Beck is such a flamboyantly unhinged character that literally anything can happen.

Just as in the previous two films, Eric Roberts appears to be having the time of his life in the role of Dr. Beck. He’s just so weaselly and desperate to be viewed as normal that it becomes fascinating to watch him try to fool everyone. Each Stalked By My Doctor film starts with the question of just how far Dr. Beck is going to go this time and, thanks to Roberts, it’s always a lot of fun to discover the answer. Rather brilliantly, in this installment, Roberts plays up Beck’s befuddlement. Often times, not even Dr. Beck can believe how crazy he is!

(“Did I do that?” Beck sincerely asks himself at one point.)

Brianna Joy Chomer and Anna Marie Dobbins also did good work in their roles. Dobbins, especially, seemed to be having a lot of fun outcrazying Dr. Beck.

There’s a twist towards the end of the movie, of course. You might see the twist coming but it’s still entertaining. In fact, the whole film is entertaining. This is a fun and over-the-top Lifetime melodrama, one that knows better than to take itself too seriously. With each wink at the audience, it invites us to relax and enjoy.

What Didn’t Work?

It all worked!

“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments

Much like Sophie, I used to always wear black. And, much like Melissa, I’ve learned that pretending to faint is a good way to become the center of attention.

Lessons Learned

You can’t keep a good doctor down!

Music Video of the Day: Hey You by Godhead (2006, dir by A.J. Rickert-Epstein)

Posted on June 5, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

So, I have to admit that today’s music video of the day is a bit of a last minute pick for me. I got so busy reviewing trailers and watching cute cats on YouTube that I nearly forgot to pick a video!

And why did I pick this video?

Two words: Eric Roberts.

The video itself is okay. The same can be said for the song. (By now, you should be able to guess that my musical taste pretty much runs the gamut from EDM to more EDM.) But, that said, the main reason I picked this video is because it features the reliably eccentric presence of Eric Roberts.

I guess the idea behind this video is that, if your boyfriend’s being a dick, you can call Eric Roberts and he’ll make the guy’s life difficult. That sounds good to me and I’m sure if anyone could make that into a profitable business model, it would be Eric Roberts. That said, judging from this video, it doesn’t look like he really got the job done here.

I don’t know. It’s a confusing video, to be honest. That’s okay, though. Confusion is a good reminder that there are still mysteries left to be explored.

Enjoy!

Music Video of The Day: Mr. Brightside by the Killers (2004, dir by Sophie Muller)

Posted on April 19, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Yesterday, in honor of Eric Roberts’s birthday, I shared the video for The Killers’s Miss Atomic Bomb.

Today, I’m sharing the video for Mr. Brightside, which is a bit of a prequel to Miss Atomic Bomb. Eric Roberts and Izabella Miko are featured in both videos. The shared theme of the two videos seems to be that Brandon Flowers simply cannot compete with Eric Roberts.

Enjoy!

4 Shots From 4 Films: Star 80, Doctor Who, The Dark Knight, Stalked By My Doctor: The Return

Posted on April 18, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots from 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots from 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

Eric Roberts, who turned 62 years old today, has appeared in over 500 movies since 1978. Here are 4 shots from 4 of them.

4 Shots From 4 Films

Star 80 (1983, dir by Bob Fosse)

Doctor Who: The Movie (1996, dir by Geoffrey Sax)

The Dark Knight (2008, dir by Christopher Nolan)

Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016, dir by Doug Campbell)

Music Video of the Day: Miss Atomic Bomb by The Killers (2012, dir by Warren Fu)

Posted on April 18, 2018 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Today is Eric Roberts’s birthday!

With that in mind, it just seems like the obvious choice to pick the video for Miss Atomic Bomb by the Killers for today’s music video of the day. This video features not only a live action Eric Roberts but an animated version as well!

Eric Roberts appears to be playing some sort of white-suited ghost who specializes in getting women to fall in love with him. The Miss Atomic Bomb of the video is played by Izabella Miko.

This video was directed by Warren Fu, who has also done videos for … well, almost everyone who matters. Among his other directing credits: Hands by The Ting Tings, Derezzed and Lose Yourself to Dance by Daft Punk, Clearest Blue by Chvrches, and, most recently, Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore.

Here’s wishing a happy birthday to Eric Roberts and I hope all of you … enjoy!

A Movie A Day #279: The Ambulance (1990, directed by Larry Cohen)

Posted on October 14, 2017 by Jedadiah Leland

Josh Baker (Eric Roberts) is an extroverted artist for Marvel Comics who meets Cheryl (Janine Turner) while walking around New York City. Josh and Cheryl hit it off but when Cheryl suddenly collapses, she is picked up by a mysterious ambulance. When Josh goes to the hospital to check on her, he is told that Cheryl was never brought in. Soon, Josh discovers that people all over New York have been put into back of the ambulance and have never been seen again. Unfortunately, nobody believes Josh. Not the veteran NYPD detective (James Earl Jones) who Josh approaches with his suspicions. Not the staff of the hospital. Not even Stan Lee! The only people willing to support Josh are an elderly investigative reporter (Red Buttons) and an inexperienced detective (Megan Gallagher).

Yes, Stan Lee does play himself. While he had made a few cameo appearances on television and had previously narrated a French film, The Ambulance was Stan Lee’s first real film role. Josh works at an idealized version of Marvel Comics, where the artists are well-paid, no one is pressured into producing substandard work, and Lee is an avuncular father figure. It is the Marvel Comics that I used to imagine working at when I was growing up, before I found out about what actually happened to artists like Jack Kirby, Joe Simon, and Steve Ditko.

Idealized though it may be, the Marvel connection is appropriate because The Ambulance is essentially a comic book adventure. It does not matter how many times Josh gets hit by a car or falls out of a window, he always recovers in time for the next scene. When Josh does discover who is behind the ambulance, it turns out to be a villain who would not be out-of-place in a Ditko-era Spider-Man story.

The Ambulance is another one of Larry Cohen’s New York horror stories. Like most of Cohen’s films, it is pulpy, cheap, and entertaining. Eric Roberts is as crazy as ever and the movie is full of good character actors like James Earl Jones, Red Buttons, Richard Bright, and Eric Braeden. The Ambulance may be dumb but it is always entertaining.