Kicking Off A Trend: FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH (Warner Brothers 1972)

Posted on June 10, 2017 by gary loggins

When FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH first hit the local multiplex back in the day, everybody in the neighborhood was kung-fu fighting, throwing chops and roundhouse kicks at each other, trying to be like star Lo Lieh. Bruce Lee’s movies hadn’t yet made it our way, but David Carradine’s KUNG FU was must-see TV for every adolescent boy (and some of the cooler girls). Pretty soon chop-sockey action spread all over the city’s theaters, but it was FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH that reached New Bedford, MA first, and has always held a special place in my heart.

Hong Kong action star Lo Lieh plays Chao Chih-Hao, who’s sent to Shen Chin-Pei’s school by his mentor to train further and defeat Ming Dun-Shun’s “gangsters” in a martial arts tournament. Chih-Hao rescues damsel in distress Yen Chu Hung from some bad guys along the way, and though she comes on to him, his heart belongs to his mentor’s…

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Guilty Pleasure No. 34: Healed by Grace (dir by David Weese)

Posted on May 26, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

(Hi! I’m currently in the process of cleaning out my DVR. I recorded 2012’s Healed By Grace off of channel 58 — that’s a local station down here in Dallas — on March 21st.)

Healed by Grace tells the story of two 19 year-old dancers who have the same last name, despite the fact that they aren’t related and can’t stand each other.

Riley Adams (Natalie Weese) is an extremely sweet, sincere, and good-natured person, her only flaw being that she’s regularly running late and she doesn’t appear to be a very good driver. Riley is also a committed Christian, the type who gives a college presentation on the historical probability of the Great Flood. “Bible thumber,” one student says. “Cute bible thumper,’ another replies. Riley’s father is constantly telling her to pray for everyone, even the people who she doesn’t necessarily like.

And then there’s Aleah Adams (April Oberlin), who is rude and self-centered and who like totally rocks. Of course, the film doesn’t acknowledge that she totally rocks, at least not at first. In fact, I think that we’re supposed to dislike her because she’s always talking about how much better she is than Riley and, when they compete at a regional dance competition, Aleah is not a gracious winner. When Riley congratulates her, Aleah says that she knew she would win and then taunts Riley over the fact that her father couldn’t come to see her dance…

But here’s the thing. We get to see both Riley and Aleah dance. Riley is a boring dancer, with lots of technique but very little passion. Aleah is a much more wild and creative dancer. Riley dances to dull piano music. Aleah dances to EDM. Riley is St. Photini while Aleah is Salome. And while neither one of them is really that good (despite the number of times that we’re told that they are the best dancers in the country), Aleah is still a hundred times better than Riley. And, look, I get what the film was going for. When their coach asks them how they’re feeling after rehearsal, Aleah says that she knows she’s going to win while Riley says that she feels she did well but she could do better. I understand. We’re supposed to love Riley for being humble and resent Aleah for being full of herself and blah blah blah.

But, honestly, modesty is overrated. If you know you’re good, why shouldn’t you admit it? Speaking from my own personal experience, confidence is often mistaken for arrogance, in much the same way that determination is often mistaken for being self-centered. To be truly good at anything, you have to know that you’re good. Where’s the shame in admitting what you know to be true?

In other words, I related to Aleah, which probably indicates that I’m not audience that this movie was made for. (Admittedly, Aleah should not have spilled her drinking water on the floor right before Riley started dancing but we all make mistakes.)

Anyway, long story short — Riley gets involved in a horrific traffic accident, spends a few weeks in a coma, and suffers slight brain damage. Riley is determined to dance again but it becomes obvious that she never will. However, she finds a new love: horses. And, when it turns out that Aleah is related to the stablehand that Riley now has a crush on, the two rivals become friends…

In the past, I probably would have been totally snarky about this movie and, while I was watching it, I will admit to rolling my eyes a little. This is a low-budget and, in many ways, amateurish movie, specifically made for the faith-based market. This was especially obvious in the dance scenes. Riley is such an overwhelmingly upbeat character that I found myself getting annoyed with her.

And yet…

The movie’s just so positive! Normally, I scoff at movies that are too positive in the their outlook but, considering the overwhelming negativity of the world today, it was kind of nice to spend two hours watching a movie that didn’t have a single dark thought in its head. It was a break, so to speak, from the usual morbidity of my cinematic diet. It’s a sweet movie and, compared to most faith-based movies, remarkably unpreachy. Nobody was condemned to Hell. The Antichrist never showed up. No unbelievers were punished. Refreshingly, there were no anti-Catholic conspiracy theories. Instead, this was a nice movie about a girl and her horse and what’s wrong with that?

Previous Guilty Pleasures

My Reason to Watch WILSON (20th Century Fox 1944)

Posted on March 29, 2017 by gary loggins

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Normally I wouldn’t watch something like WILSON, producer Darryl F. Zanuck ‘s 1944 biographical box office flop about the 28th President of the United States. It didn’t sound like my cup of tea. But when I turned TCM on last night, there was Ben Mankiewicz introducing the film, so I decided I’d watch a little. I ended up watching the whole thing, and while it’s not very exciting, I did get engrossed in the movie, but not for the story.

The film itself follows the life and career of Woodrow Wilson, and his rise from President of Princeton University to Governor of New Jersey to U.S. President. How much is truth and how much fiction, I couldn’t tell you. I can tell you that character actor Alexander Knox is a dead ringer for Wilson, and pretty much carries the film with his statesmanlike manner. Ruth Nelson plays first wife Ellen, who dies a…

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Lisa Cleans Out Her DVR: Guilty Pleasure No. 33: In the Mix (dir by Ron Underwood)

Posted on March 21, 2017 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Back in January, I had to get a new cable box. Sadly, when the boxes were switched, I lost everything that I had saved on the DVR. Over a hundred movies and TV shows were wiped away! However, I did not let this get me down. Instead, I decided to take advantage of the fact that I now had a lot more free space by literally recording anything that looked the least bit interesting.

Well, the day of reckoning has finally arrived. It is now March 21st and the DVR is nearly full. So, for the next few weeks, I am going to clean out my DVR and review what I watch! Now, I can’t say how long this is going to take. In the past, I’ve always given myself unrealistic deadlines. So, this time, I’m not giving myself a time limit. Instead, I’m just going to start watching what I’ve got recorded and hope that I’m done by 2018. We’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, I started things off by watching the 2005 mafia romance film, In the Mix.

I recorded In The Mix off of Starz on March 16th. I did this despite the fact that I’ve actually seen In The Mix quite a few times. In The Mix, which is technically a beyond terrible movie, is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s a bit like From Justin To Kelly or On The Line. Even though all my instincts as a movie snob tell me not to do it, I can’t help but watch it.

In the Mix stars Usher as Darrell, the hottest DJ in New York. Every woman wants him and every man wants to be him. However, all Usher wants to do is hang out with the family of the local mob boss. It turns out that Don Frank (Chazz Palminteri) was friends with Darrell’s father and Darrell is now friends with Frank’s son, Frankie Jr. (Anthony Fazio). Frank hires Darrell to DJ his daughter’s birthday party.

(Frankie, Jr. is a white kid who wants to be black. Personally, I think there’s probably an interesting story in the idea of the son of an old-fashioned Italian mafia don who idolizes — or appropriates, depending on how you look at it — black culture but Frankie, Jr.’s characterization pretty much starts and ends with him saying, “Yo.”)

At the party, Darrell quickly falls in love with Frank’s daughter, Dolly (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and Dolly likes him too. Especially after he takes a bullet that was intended for her father. While Darrell is recuperating at the mansion, Frank tells Dolly that she can’t go outside unless she has a bodyguard. Dolly says that’s fine as long as the bodyguard is Darrell.

And you know what that means! It’s time for a makeover montage as Darrell gets a whole new wardrobe! Yay!

Anyway, the plot is about as predictable as the casting of Kevin Hart as Usher’s comedic sidekick and Robert Davi as a sinister gangster. Dolly and Darrell fall in love but you already knew that was going to happen. You also probably already guessed that Dolly already has a boring boyfriend named Chad (Geoff Stults) and that Darrell has a crazy ex-girlfriend named Cherise (K.D. Aubert). And, of course, Frank is not initially happy with the idea of Dolly leaving her rich lawyer boyfriend so that she can be with Darrell. However, Darrell eventually gets a chance to prove himself by rescuing Dolly from some rival gangsters and he’s welcomed into the crime family. Of course, he gets shot a second time. “If the ghetto’s so dangerous,” he says as he lies on the ground, “how come I keep getting shot by white people?” Everyone has a good laugh as they wait for the ambulance. That’s the type of movie that In The Mix is.

As I watched In The Mix, I realized that it was actually a lot worse than I remembered and yet, I still enjoyed it. Why? To be honest, it all comes down to Usher and Emmauelle Chriqui, both of whom look really, really good and who have enough chemistry that they can overcome an amazingly clunky script. You reallydo believe that the two of them actually are into each other and you hope that things will work out for them because they’re such a ludicrously attractive couple. In The Mix is an incredibly shallow and silly movie but the stars both look good when they kiss and, ultimately, that’s what a movie like this is all about.

That said, in the future, I probably won’t bother to set the DVR for it again.

Previous Guilty Pleasures

Death Race 2050 – ALT Title: Miffed Max: Budget Road, Reviewed like a boss!

Posted on January 22, 2017 by casewright

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We’ve got a great big Death Race… runnin’ through the night. [sung]

So, the OA was ok, but just not good enough to keep anyone’s interest for my reviews. The result: my editor took pity on me and gave my brain a rest with…..

DEATH RACE 2050

I will say this for Death Race 2050 – Manu Bennet AKA Slade Wilson can act. It kind of got to me that he’s in a Roger Corman flick. The other actors belonged in Roger Corman films, including Malcolm McDowell, who I always thought was a hack, but Manu Bennet really needs a new agent.

The Death Race world is a desolate shit hole with 99% unemployment; yet, we are overpopulated…. somehow. Also, because of the over-population we need to do some culling in a very inefficient way, hence the Death Race. We all need to NOT think about why we need such an inefficient way to decrease the population because it will ruin your guilty pleasure. The political statement doesn’t really make sense because America is supposed to be a Corporation, but nobody works or makes anything and all we do is watch people’s homemovies. So, America is Youtube! HIYOOOO!!!

The Death Race is a coast to coast kill spree that awards points to drivers who kill pedestrians along the way. The Chairman who is obviously Donald Trump is the inventor of the death race. He sees it as a good distraction for the masses who use VR to experience the carnage. The drivers are Frankenstein – the anti-hero and reigning champion, Minerva-the rapper, Tammy- interfaith evangelist (really), Perfectus- a genetically engineered heir apparent- who is closeted, and an artificially intelligent car. To advance the plot, every driver is paired up with a co-pilot to provide openings for dialogue and comic relief.

The anti-hero of the story is Frankenstein (Manu “Why am I doing this?” Bennet). He doesn’t care about the craphole that the world is because he likes to race. Annie is his Co-Pilot, but she is actually with the Resistance … DUN DUN DUN! The Resistance is a group of angry democrats who are trying to figure out how 1) we elected a fascist and 2)how we can get people to vote in 4 years…. Wait, that’s my reality. The race begins with a lot people getting run over and points being awarded to drivers – this goes on for about a half hour.

Then, they reach the Heartland. These people are slightly harder to kill because they shoot back. During this time, we learn by a lot of telling that Annie is in the Resistance and needs to kill Frankenstein, but she is starting to love him. Also, the Resistance leader is in cahoots and the paramour of the evil Chairman.

Annie tries to set up Frankenstein as per her orders and he gets attacked by Ninjas. Ok fine, ninjas it is! He kills the ninjas and quasi-forgives Annie. They end up at a well-stocked, but unattended hotel. Perfectus over-acts, attacks Frankenstein, and tries to come to terms with his sexuality. It’s a very fast arc. Just as Perfectus is about to kill Frankenstein, Annie knocks him out. Annie’s gonna knock you out….I’m gonna you out. [Sung as LL Cool J]. This allows Annie and Frankenstein to begin to fall in love. AWWWW.

The Southwest and New Los Angeles

The Chairman changes the rules to keep Frankenstein on one road that is a trap. Frankenstein wins, the other racers die, and Frankenstein decides to kill the Chairman. Yep, life comes at you pretty fast in Death Race 2050. This is not at all like Death Race 2050 BC because chariots couldn’t go that fast. BAM!

Frankenstein runs down the Chairman and then asks America to do their own race, causing the entire population to kill each other. This begs the point: why not do that instead of a Death Race?

Death Race 2050 had a lot of schlock for the buck. There was loud death metal, weird cars, bewbs, Donald Trump references, and Manu Bennet. I would say Death Race 2050 is a fine way to spend 90 minutes of your day, if you are into these films. I don’t know if this was Grindhouse, but it’s gotta be close to the genre. Cheers!

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It’s A Wonderful Pottersville!

Posted on December 18, 2016 by casewright

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It’s that time of year where I share with my loyal readers a hidden treasure! For years, we were kept in the dark of parallel dimension! A Better World! A Brighter World! A world where Mr. Potter prevailed against the forces of evil that sought to undermine good itself! After Good prevailed, David Brinkley interviewed the Great Mr. Potter!!

The following is a re-broadcast of the 1955 interview with David Brinkley and Mayor Potter of the eponymous Pottersville.

David Brinkley: Ladies and Gentlemen this is a portrait of a town that came back. The best example of which is the bustling Boffo town of Pottersville. I am interviewing the man who brought this town back after a factory closing and 1920s financial collapse: Mr… I mean Mayor Potter.

Mayor Potter: Thank you, David.

David Brinkley: Mr. Mayor, your town is synonymous with nightlife and culture. Now, it is hosting it’s fourth International Film Festival. It seems to stand out among so many New York factory towns. What happened?

Mayor Potter: HRHHPFM! It was a near run thing.

David: How so?

Mayor Potter: We had this flirtation with communism in the 19 teens and 20s.

David: *Gasps*

Mayor Potter: It’s true. We had this Bolshevik style building and loan.

David: A building and what?

Mayor Potter: It was a bank … of sorts. This guy “Pa” Bailey *Uses air quotes with an eye-roll* would talk rubes into giving him money to build people homes who were too broke to pay their mortgages.

David: Come again?

Mayor Potter: Get this, when you wanted to make a withdrawal you’d either have to wait 60 days or some jackass would use his personal savings to “loan” you money.

David: *Eyes Widen*

Mayor Potter: Oh yeah Dave, This commie bank was always screwing with people’s money. The owner hired his brother Billy – he was this unreformed drunkard and he had a menagerie of unvaccinated feral animals in his office. And, when this Building and Loan would really squander their funds and bills would come due, Billy would knock on people’s doors holding a wicker basket begging for donations all over town.

David: Wicker? What kinds of animals? What?!

Mayor Potter: UGGHH, Bailey had everything in there… crows, squirrels, probably had a damn bobcat for all we knew. Bailey’s in a mental ward now. But, he wasn’t even the worst…

David: Come on..

Mayor Potter: Try getting a prescription filled back in those days. We had a homicidal druggist poisoning people … Bowser or something or other. He got locked up and’s he’s dead now …. good riddance.

David: Weren’t there two Bailey sons?

Mayor Potter: The younger Brother was a war hero and now works for DuPont and designed some weed killer Agent Purple or something.

David: Not to turn this into a History of the Baileys.

Mayor Potter: No big deal. George went off to college and married a local girl…Mary. He designs pipelines in Venezuela for Shell Oil. He calls me every now and again. He just got back from Europe with Mary- He goes at least once a year. Could you imagine if George had tried to keep his Dad’s commie bank going? He would’ve wished he’d never been born!

David: Back to the town, what changed?

Mayor Potter: Well, Pa Bailey died and then the Crash.

David: How did your recover from the crash?

Mayor Potter: Recover?! The Crash helped us! I bought up the failing businesses and turned this town around. We needed new revenue from new sources.

David: About that, after the war, Pottersville was criticized for what some called a seamy downtown.

Mayor Potter: *Shrugs* You’re a veteran. After the war, people wanted to blow off some steam and that means dancing, music, and booze. Our downtown is different now. Even then, it was still better than the boring Bedford Falls anytown USA….Bleh! We’re the only Right To Work county in New York! What did that bring? Headquarters and more business than Buffalo or Detroit combined! We have 12 museums, 200 restaurants, a financial center, a subway, and a Theater district second only to New York City! Besides, nightlife and culture is what brings people to cities. “Honey, let’s splurge and visit Des Moines… Said no one ever!”

David: You have a point. This is truly a magnificent achievement.

Mayor Potter: Thank you.

David: That’s all. Good luck and good night.

Pottersville Circa: 1947

Pottersville: Current Day

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Rockin’ in the Film World #8: BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (20th Century Fox 1970)

Posted on November 26, 2016 by gary loggins

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Sex and drugs and rock and roll!! That about sums up BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, a lightning-fast paced Russ Meyer extravaganza covering the end of the decadent 60’s with a BANG… literally! The movie was originally intended to be a sequel to 1967’s soapy and sappy VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, but Meyer and screenwriter Roger Ebert (yes, THAT Roger Ebert!) changed course and concocted this satirical, surrealistic saga that skewers Hollywood, rock music, the sexual revolution, and anything else that got in its way.

Like the original, the story concerns three nubile young ladies trying to make it out in La-La Land (that’s Los Angeles, folks), only this time they’re a Midwestern rock power trio named The Kelly Affair. Kelly (Dolly Read, former Playmate and soon-to-be wife of comedian Dick Martin), Pet (model/actress Marcia McBroom), and Casey (Playmate Cynthia Meyers), along with Kelly’s boyfriend and band manager Harris…

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TRIXIE, QUEEN OF THE JUGGLERS!

Posted on November 25, 2016 by gary loggins

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Recently, TCM aired THE BROADWAY MELODY OF 1940, starring Fred Astaire and Eleanor Powell. There was plenty of singing and dancing, but one scene in particular caught my eye:

Holy guacamole!! Who was this blonde cutie bouncing balls off her head and juggling plates with aplomb? Well, your Cracked Rear Viewer spared no expense to get to the bottom of this mystery! Her name was Trixie Firschke, and she was known as Queen of the Jugglers. She was born in Hungary in 1920 to a family of circus entertainers, and began learning her craft at the age of 11. Trixie and her family travelled across Europe, playing for capacity crowds and heads of state, including Adolph Hitler, who gave the young girl an autographed box of bon-bons (she later said she found him very scary!). In 1938, the clan moved to America except her mom and sick younger sister. Times…

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Have A Happy Thanksgiving with BLOOD FREAK (Full Movie from 1972 )

Posted on November 24, 2016 by gary loggins

Lisa gave you the poster, now here’s the movie! Happy Turkey Day!

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Before you eat all that Thanksgiving turkey, save some room for a real MOVIE turkey about a man who becomes a hopeless pothead, eats some tainted turkey, and winds up turning into a giant turkey craving the blood of stoners! Sound bizarre? You bet your giblets it is! Hosted by YouTube’s “Al Omega”, here’s 1972’s BLOOD FREAK! Gobble, gobble!: