Lisa Marie’s Week In Television: 6/4/23 — 6/10/23

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I spent most of this week watching movies so this is probably not going to be my most impressive week in television. That said, here’s a few notes on what I did watch!

All You Need Is Love (Night Flight Plus)

“Welcome to a guided tour of the world of popular music….” This documentary series aired in the 70s and it traced the history of pop music, from the tunes of Tin Pan Alley to Broadway to rock and roll. I watched the first, introductionary episode on Friday night. It was interesting to see how everything linked up.

Beavis and Butt-Head (Thursday, Paramount Plus)

This week’s episode of Beavis and Butt-Head was okay. I was happy, for instance, that the folks at the American Legion hall beat up Old Beavis and Butt-Head because no one should be allowed to get away with stolen valor. The dog park thing was funny as long as you assume that the racoon didn’t have rabies. The highlight of the episode was the way the boys reacted to the video of the woman who turned her car into a chia pet. “Is there any way to turn down someone’s personality?”

Fantasy Island (Tubi)

Read my latest Fantasy Island review here!

Forgive or Forget (YouTube)

On Tuesday, I watched an episode of this Mother Love-hosted talk show. A man asked his best friend to forgive him for skipping her wedding. She did. Another woman asked her friend to apologize for not supporting her when she had experimental weight loss surgery. An apology was given.

Happy Hour (YouTube)

This was a bizarre panel show from the late 90s. It featured musical performances from Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa, dance numbers featuring the half-naked Bombshells, and two teams competing in arbitrary games that had no rules. The episode that I watched on Saturday morning featured, among others, Lisa Loeb, Kelly Packard, Fred Willard, Sable, Jane Pratt, Chris Hardwick, and Aries Spears. At one point, an odd man named Todd emerged from the audience and competed with Kelly Packard to see who knew the most about Kelly’s time on California Dreams. Todd was kind of creepy and I hope Kelly got a restraining order on him after the show.

Anyway, it was a fun and strange hour. I enjoyed the dancing.

The Master (Tubi)

I wrote about The Master here!

The Maury Povich Show (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched a 1992 episode of a talk show hosted by Maury Povich. (I’m not sure but I think The Maury Povich Show was a different show from Maury’s better-known sleazefest, Maury!) The episode featured Povich interviewing the director and the star of a film about Jeffrey Dahmer. The families of Dahmer’s victims yelled at them. A local reporter showed up and condemned the film. The families yelled at the reporter for writing a book about Dahmer. There was a lot of yelling. Maury said that he held the first amendment sacred.

Sally Jessy Raphael (YouTube)

On Monday, I watched an episode where mothers sent their out-of-control teens to boot camp. Personally, I’ve always felt that the whole boot camp thing was more about making the parents feel good than actually doing anything for their children. I followed this up with an episode about women who were dating controlling men who would not let them escape their toxic relationships. The worst of the men showed up wearing a Canada t-shirt. It’s like he knew he was going on a nationally syndicated television show, he probably knew he was going to be portrayed as a villain, and he thought to himself, ‘I’m going to make sure they know I’m Canadian!” I then watched a third episode, featuring more women married to sleazy men. I hope they all got divorced after the show was filmed.

On Tuesday, I watched an episode in which Sally talked to people whose families were being destroyed by infidelity. I imagine everyone who appeared on this episode is now divorced. I then watched a second episode about stepfamilies in crisis. I blamed the stepparents.

The Steve Wilkos Show (YouTube)

I watched an episode on Tuesday. Steve sent two snotty teenagers to the Scared Straight program. Steve was such a joke but somehow, he was never quite as sleazy as his former boss, Jerry Springer.

Welcome Back, Kotter (Tubi)

I wrote about Welcome Back, Kotter here!

Retro Television Reviews: Welcome Back, Kotter 1.3 “Welcome Back” and 1.4 “Whodunit?”

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Saturdays, I will be reviewing Welcome Back Kotter, which ran on ABC from 1975 to 1979. The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Well, let’s check in with Brooklyn….

Episode 1.3 “Welcome Back”

(Dir by James Komack, originally aired on September 23rd, 1975)

“I remember my first day….” Gabe Kotter narrates as the viewer watches him and Mr. Woodman walk down the distressingly dirty hallways of James Buchanan High.

It’s a flashback episode! Well, kind of. The third episode of Welcome Back, Kotter was actually the show’s pilot. As Kotter’s voice-over only makes one appearance at the start of the episode, it’s pretty obvious that it was a last minute addition to explain why the third episode featured Kotter meeting the Sweathogs for the first time. Apparently, the folks at ABC felt that The Great Debate episode worked better as an introduction to the show than the pilot. I’m not sure why, as the pilot does a perfectly serviceable job of introducing everyone.

Kotter is not particularly enthused about returning to the high school from which he graduated ten years prior. Mr. Woodman isn’t happy to see Kotter again, either. As they walk down the hallway, Mr. Woodman is still accusing Kotter of having started a food fight in the cafeteria. (Woodman insists that it was a riot.) Woodman says that since he doesn’t have any choice about Kotter being assigned to his school, he’s going to assign Kotter to teach the worst kids in school, the Sweathogs!

Entering his classroom, Kotter asks the students to introduce themselves. Not surprisingly, only four of them actually do so. Vinnie Barbarino stands up and shows off the smile that made John Travolta a superstar. Epstein is introduced as being the student who is “most likely to off someone.” Epstein explains how his ancestors were the first Epsteins to land in Puerto Rico. Freddie says, “Hi there.” And Horseshack laughs in that grating way of his. Kotter attempts to teach his class by allowing them to sit wherever they want and then engaging in a game of the Dozens with Barbarino.

“Up your nose with a rubber hose,” Barbarino says and the audience goes crazy.

Kotter insults Barbarino’s family.

“Off my case, Toilet Face,” Barbarino replies and the audience goes crazy, again.

Kotter starts to mention Barbarino’s mother.

“My mother is a saint!” Barbarino explodes.

Woodman suddenly shows up in the classroom. When he demands to know what Kotter is doing, Kotter looks to his class to back him up. When none of them do, Kotter decides to quit his teaching job.

Oh hey, I guess the show is over, right?

No, it’s not. Later, back at the apartment that he shares with Julie, Kotter is shocked when Barbarino and Freddie crawl through the window. He’s even more surprised when Epstein, Horseshack, and Rosalie Totsie (Debralee Scott) show up at the front door. Epstein explains that they stole a cab so they could visit Kotter’s apartment. They want to see how “the original Sweathog” turned out. Though Kotter pretends like he isn’t happy to see them, it soon becomes apparent that he knows he’s right where he belongs. Plus, Julie likes them because …. well, I’m not sure why. To be honest with you, if I was in her situation, I wouldn’t like for my husband’s students to come climbing in through the apartment window. That would be a deal-breaker for me. Freddie and Barbarino do attempt to steal Kotter’s TV but Horseshack returns it. Awwww!

And Kotter returns to the classroom. Yay!

As far as pilots go, it’s easy to see why this one was a success. John Travolta’s smile could light up a room. Actually, all of the actors playing the Sweathogs do a good job in this episode. Travolta dominates because he’s Travolta but the entire cast has a nice comedic chemistry. At the end of the episode, Kotter says, “Welcome back,” to himself and he sincerely seems happy to be there. He’s made peace with being a Sweathog forever.

Episode 1.4 “Whodunit?”

(Dir by Robert LaHendro, originally aired on September 30th, 1975)

In their tiny apartment, Gabe tells Julie a joke about his aunt’s parrot and a dead butcher.

Meanwhile, at the school, Gabe sees Rosalie Totsy (nicknamed “Hotsy” by the Sweathogs) crying in the hallway. After a game of charades, Gabe figures out that Rosalie is pregnant! Who could the father be!? Sebastian Leone, perhaps?

No, according to Rosalie, the father was a Sweathog. Or, as Gabe calls them, the Marx Brothers….

This leads to a rather sweet scene in which Horseshack goes down on one knee and offers to marry Rosalie, even though he knows he’s not the father. He says that he wants to give her baby a good name and that Horseshack means “The cattle are dying.” Though touched by his sincerity, Rosalie turns him down. Gabe then invites Rosalie to come to his apartment so that she can talk to Julie. I’m not really sure if it’s a good idea for any teacher to invite a student to come to their apartment but whatever.

The important thing is that it leads to Rosalie demanding that the father of her baby marry her. All the Sweathogs are forced to admit that, despite all of their boasting, none of them have actually had sex with Rosalie. Rosalie then announces that she was lying about being pregnant. She just wanted to get all of the Sweathogs to go on record that she wasn’t a slut. “I ain’t easy!” Rosalie explains.

And …. yes, that’s one way to do that, I guess. I mean, I could understand where Rosalie was coming from because I went through the same thing when I was in high school. But I would have been happier if the episode had ended with a message that it really wasn’t anyone’s business whether Rosalie was having sex or not. Instead, the audience specifically applauded Rosalie for not being a slut, which felt just as judgmental as the audience previously laughing at the idea that she was. I kept waiting for someone to point out just how ridiculous it was that Rosalie had to pretend to be pregnant to get the Sweathogs to stop talking about her behind her back but apparently, that didn’t occur to anyone in the writer’s room.

After everything’s been resolved and Gabe is back home, Julie interrupts Gabe’s comic book time to tell him that maybe they should start a family. Gabe’s like, “Hell no!” He then says that Julie is all the family he needs at this point in his life. “I love you, honey,” Julie swoons. “Good,” Gabe says, “Tomorrow, call my mother and explain to her why you’re not pregnant.” The audiences applauds and Julie beats up on Gabe.

I wasn’t a huge fan of this episode but I’ll give credit to Ron Pallilo. That proposal scene was really sweet and nicely performed.

Next week: Barbarino enters politics! Sebastian Leone better watch out!

Live Tweet Alert: Watch Rabid with #ScarySocial

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

As some of our regular readers undoubtedly know, I am involved in a few weekly live tweets on twitter. I host #FridayNightFlix every Friday, I co-host #ScarySocial on Saturday, and I am one of the five hosts of #MondayActionMovie! Every week, we get together. We watch a movie. We tweet our way through it.

Tonight, for #ScarySocial, Deanna Dawn will be hosting David Cronenberg’s Rabid!

If you want to join us on Saturday night, just hop onto twitter, start the film at 9 pm et, and use the #ScarySocial hashtag! The film is available on Prime. I’ll probably be there and I imagine some other members of the TSL Crew will be there as well. It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

“Pray it doesn’t happen to you.”

Watch Rabid with us this Saturday at 9pm on Prime!#ScarySocial #DontWatchAlone #HorrorMovies #Rabid pic.twitter.com/ytZC4pa3rs
— Scary Social (@SocialScary) June 7, 2023

Music Video of the Day: Are You Rich? by Intimatchine (2014, dir by ????)

Posted on June 10, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Well, are you?

Enjoy!

Retro Television Reviews: The Master 1.5 “High Rollers”

Posted on June 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a new feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing The Master, which ran on NBC from January to August of 1984. The show can be found on Tubi!

Viva Las Vegas!

Episode 1.5 “High Rollers”

(Dir by Peter Crane, originally aired on March 2nd, 1984)

“Hi, I’m Max Keller….”

This week’s episode The Master opens with Max (Timothy Van Patten) and McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) standing on top of a mountain in the Nevada desert. McAllister explains to Max that a ninja will sometimes be required to quickly descend from a roof or a cliff to the ground below. (Uhmmm …. okay.) McAllister has Max rappel down the side of the mountain. Though hesitant at first, Max does so and reaches the ground fairly quickly. However, before Max can brag too much on himself, he discovers that McAllister is already down there, waiting for him.

“Expect the unexpected,” McAllister explains.

I already mentioned this last week but I can’t help but feel that Max’s “ninja training” is mostly just McAllister amusing himself by seeing how far he can push his student.

Weekly ninja training completed, it’s time for Max and McAllister to drive to …. VEGAS, BABY!

That’s right! In this episode, Max and McAllister visit the ultimate American playground, Las Vegas. Of course, there’s a long history of movies and television shows being filmed in Vegas. In many ways, Las Vegas is the epitome of American ingenuity, a glitzy playground that has been built in an otherwise inhospitable desert. Many great directors — from Martin Scorsese to Francis Ford Coppola to David Lynch to Paul Schrader — have found their inspiration in Las Vegas’s unique aesthetic.

Unfortunately, the Las Vegas that we see in The Master seems to be incredibly tacky. There’s very little of the glitz and glamour that we typically associate with Las Vegas. Instead, the action takes place in one rather dingy hotel and casino, the place where it looks like a month’s worth of chewing gum has been hidden under the tables and smashed into the carpet. A group of thieves, led by the mysterious Blake (Art Hindle), are planning on forcing a showgirl named Tracy (Terri Treas) into helping them rob the hotel. Tracy happens to be Max’s former girlfriend and, in fact, she’s the whole reason that he’s visiting Las Vegas in the first place.

Blake’s plan to rob the casino is ludicrously complicated. Basically, his plan rests on convincing Tracy to flirt with the owner of the hotel and to convince him to invite her up to his room for a drink. In the owner’s room, Tracy is to drug his drink and then, when he’s passed out, she’s supposed to steal his keys. In order to make sure that she does this, Blake kidnaps her annoying 12 year-old daughter, Suzie (Angela Lee Sloan).

While Tracy is drugging the owner of the hotel, a bomb is set to explode at the nearby power station. With all of Vegas plunged into darkness, it will be all the easier for Blake’s men to shoot tear gas into the casino. While everyone’s disorientated, Blake will open the casino’s safe and then he and his associates will head to an abandoned western movie set in the middle of the desert. From there, they will wait for the arrival of a helicopter that will take them to safety.

I mean, seriously, what happened to the concept of keeping things simple? Blake’s plan is dependent on so many things happens at the exact right moment that there’s no way any halfway intelligent criminal would have agreed to have been a part of it. Along with all of the obvious things that could go wrong, Blake also has failed to take into account that he might be followed to the old west town by a ninja and his idiot sidekick.

Which is pretty much what happens. McAllister and Max show up at about the same time as the helicopter.

This leads to an elaborate fight in the old west town. On the one hand, it’s a nice homage to Lee Van Cleef’s days as a spaghetti western star. At once point, McAllister even tells Max that he feels oddly at home in the old west town. “I always wanted to be a cowboy,” McAllister says. On the other hand, it’s also pretty obvious that all of the action sequences and fight scenes feature not Lee Van Cleef but Lee Van Cleef’s much less stocky stunt double. That takes away from the excitement of seeing Van Cleef return to his roots.

That said, there is a cool moment where Van Cleef’s stunt double jumps over the helicopter.

One of the good things about this episode is that we did learn a few new details about Max and McAllister’s relationship. For instance, when Max wants to beat up Blake’s men, McAllister warns Max that he’s allowing his temper to control him. Later, Max has an epiphany in which he realizes that, unlike Blake’s men, he could never bring himself to kill someone. It’s actually a nicely human moment and it took me by surprise. It’s a moment that suggests that The Master perhaps had higher ambitions than just being a typical action show.

We also learned a little more about Max’s backstory. As he tells Tracy, his mother and his brother were both killed in a plane crash and he and his father had a falling out shortly afterwards. Max says that he doesn’t know where his father is. When Max says that, his relationship with McAllister suddenly makes a lot more sense. Max puts up with McAllister because he’s looking for a new father figure. That said, I’m still pretty sure that most of McAllister’s training exercises are just McAllister’s way of amusing himself at Max’s expense.

While I appreciated all of that, this episode was a bit too messy to really work. The casino stuff was difficult to follow and, as I mentioned before, Blake’s big scheme was a bit too big for its own good. I did like the fight scenes in the old west town but, unfortunately, the episode was nearly finished by the time that McAllister and Max arrived. This episode had a lot of potential but it still felt like it was never as good as it could have been.

Next week: Max and McAllister hit up New Orleans! Mardi Gras, baby!

Live Tweet Alert: Join #FridayNightFlix for Captain America!

Posted on June 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Captain America (1990, dir by Albert Pyun, DP: Philp Alan Waters)

Tonight, at 10 pm et, #FridayNightFlix has got 1990’s Captain America!

No, it’s not the MCU Captain America. Instead, this is the Captain America that was directed by Albert Pyun and which stars J.D. Salinger’s son! Captain America battles not only the Red Skull but also climate change!

If you want to join us this Friday, just hop onto twitter, start the movie at 10 pm et, and use the #FridayNightFlix hashtag! It’s a friendly group and welcoming of newcomers so don’t be shy.

Captain America is available on Prime! See you there!

Music Video of the Day: Guess I’m Doing Fine by Beck (2002, dir by Spike Jonze)

Posted on June 9, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Poor Beck. I’m sure he’s cheered up by now though.

This video was directed by Spike Jonze. This was two years after Jonze’s received his first Oscar nomination for Being John Malkovich and also the same year that Jonze’s released his second Oscar-nominated film, Adaptation.

Enjoy!

The Eric Roberts Collection: Amityville Death House (dir by Mark Polonia)

Posted on June 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Eric Roberts is The Warlock!

If you’re specifically watching the 2015 film, Amityville Death House, because of the presence of Eric Roberts (and seriously, who could blame you?), Roberts appears about four minutes into the film. His first scene lasts about 50 seconds. He pops up a few more times throughout the film and, each time, he’s onscreen for, at most, 20 seconds. Every time that he appears, he is sitting in a room that has been decorated to look like a dungeon. He never interacts with anyone in the cast and, indeed, it’s easy to tell that this is another one of these films where he did all of his scenes in one day and probably didn’t even have to leave his house. He wears a mask throughout the entire film but there’s no mistaking his voice.

Amityville Death House takes place in the town of Amityville, New York and it features a house that looks like a smaller version of the infamous haunted house that appears in most of the other Amityville films. That said, there’s not any reference to the supposed hauntings or the DeFeo murders or any of the other usual Amityville plot points. Instead, this film deals with the spirit of a 17th century witch named Abigail, who was lynched by the inhabitants of Amityville. Eric Roberts plays the Warlock who, for reasons that are never quite clear, hopes to bring Abigail’s spirit back into the realm of the living.

When Tiffany (Kyrsten St. Pierre) comes up to Amityville to check in on her grandmother (Yolie Canales), she finds Abigail’s old diary and realizes that her grandmother lives in Abigail’s former home. Tiffany even reads aloud from the diary, which is not good news for her friends, Aric (Michael Merchant), Bree (Cassandra Hayes), and Dig (Houston Baker). Her friends were just traveling with Abigail to help her out at her grandmother’s place. They certainly weren’t expecting to end up under a witch’s curse thanks to Tiffany’s stupidity.

Even with a running time of just 75 minutes, Amityville Death House is a painfully slow film. Scenes play out with no sense of pace or suspense and the characters are all paper thin. The final ten minutes of the film are enjoyably weird, with the characters suffering from hallucinations, one person turning into a spider, and dialogue like, “She has the witch’s teats!” But it takes such a long time for the movie to reach that point and there’s so much unnecessary padding on the way that many viewers will probably check out before getting to experience any of that.

On the plus side, though, Eric Roberts at least sounded like he was having fun.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

Previous TSL Amityville Reviews:

Retro Television Reviews: City Guys 5.3 “Chicken Run” and 5.4 “Papa Please”

Posted on June 8, 2023 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing City Guys, which ran on NBC from 1997 to 2001. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

This week’s episode of City Guys finds Chris getting stabbed and the neat guys failing to get vengeance.

Episode 5.3 “Chicken Run”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 22, 2001)

Here’s the plot of this episode of City Guys, according to Wikipedia:

Jamal is labeled a chicken when he refuses to fight a gang member. Wanting to get rid of his reputation, he fights the gang member. The gang member pulls out a knife and stabs Chris, who was trying to save Jamal.

I’m giving you the Wikipedia description because this is one of the episodes of City Guys that is not currently available on YouTube. I actually watched this episode on Tubi, several months before I started this Retro Television Reviews feature. What I remember is that Chris was stabbed while trying to protect Jamal but it wasn’t a fatal wound. He did end up in the hospital, where Jamal swore that he would never fight again. So, I guess Jamal was willing to fight to protect his reputation but he wasn’t willing to fight to avenge Chris. What a jerk.

Let’s move on …. though I will say that if someone ever stabbed me, I would totally expect all of my friends and family to track that person down and enact some Biblical justice …. but whatever. Let’s move on….

SERIOUSLY, FRIENDS AVENGE EACH OTHER!

Okay, seriously, let’s move on….

Episode 5.4 “Papa Please”

(Dir by Frank Bonner, originally aired on September 22, 2001)

Fresh from not being avenged, Chris proves himself to be the world’s biggest idiot when he meets Cassidy’s father for the first time. Consider that Chris and Cassidy have been friends for five season and they’ve been dating off-and-on for years but this is his first time to meet Cassidy’s father.

And perhaps that was a good thing because Chris totally blows it when he finally does meet Cassidy’s father. First, Chris gets into an argument with him about whether or not Chris had the right away while crossing the street. (Apparently, Cassidy’s father nearly ran him over.) Then, once they get a booth at the Manhattan Diner (why not just meet on the roof of the school?), Chris says that he’s dating Cassidy because she’s hot and then he compares his radio show to Howard Stern despite having been specifically told not to mention Stern.

In other words, Chris is an idiot.

Cassidy’s dad forbids Cassidy to date Chris so Cassidy decides to pretend that she’s dating L-Train so that Chris will look better in comparison. Cassidy’s dad takes an immediate liking to L-Train and soon, the two of them are golf buddies. Good for L-Train. He deserves a friend to play golf with.

While all this is going on, Al and Dawn are scandalized to discover that Ms. Noble is a smoker! They force her to sit through a lecture in which Al dresses up like a giant cigarette. I know I’ve said this before but …. MS. NOBLE IS THE PRINCIPAL! SHE’S AN ADULT! WHO CARES IF SHE SMOKES!? It’s none of their business if she smokes!

Anyway, this leads to a dumb conclusion. Chris is upset to learn that Cassidy has been pretending to date L-Train. Cassidy’s Dad is upset that Cassidy has still been dating Chris. “You never lied to me before,” says Cassidy’s Dad. Really, never? In the end, Chris convinces Cassidy’s Dad that he didn’t give him a fair chance by volunteering to stop seeing Cassidy if it’s causing trouble. Cassidy’s Dad is so moved that he gives Chris permission to date his daughter. Meanwhile, Dawn and Al convince several other students to pretend to smoke in order to show Ms. Noble that she’s a bad role model.

“It’s not easy watching someone you care about kill themselves,” Dawn says.

SHE’S THE PRINCIPAL, YOU WEIRDO!

I hope Ms. Noble smoked every day for the rest of her life.