Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, Monsters heads down south. No complaints from me. I like it when things head on down.

Episode 3.11 “Sin-Sop”

(Dir by P.J. Pesce, originally aired on December 9th, 1990)

In the deep South, a young man named Brother Roy (Christopher Shaw) claims that he can literally extract the sin from people, turning it into a black sludge that can then be disposed of. Brother Roy has the corpse of the most evil man in the world in his house. Touching the corpse (ew!) allows for the sin to be extracted. (This is why I prefer going to confession.)

Laura Daniel (Christine Dunford) is a reporter who is hopeful that she’ll be able to expose Brother Roy as being a fraud. Larch Lazaar (Richard Borg) is a sociopathic murderer who shows up at Roy’s place shortly after Laura. Laura and Lazaar are both skeptics but they’re also both about to discover the reality of sin-sop.

This was an atmospheric episode with an intriguing premise. I’m from the South and I’ve heard the stories of the so-called sin eaters, people who would go to the homes of the recently deceased and “eat” all of the dead person’s sins, usually by eating food that had been placed near the corpse. The deceased’s family would get the peace of mind of knowing their loved one was now without sin and the sin-eater usually got to eat a fairly large meal. (That said, I don’t know if I’d want to eat food that had been sitting next to or, in some cases, on a decaying corpse.) This episode makes good use of the sin eater legend and it features appropriately theatrical performances from Richard Borg and Christopher Shaw. This was an entertaining piece of Southern Gothic.

Rest In Peace, Peter Engel

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

I just read the news that Peter Engel passed away yesterday. My Retro Television reviews started with four Engel-produced shows, California Dreams, One World, Hang Time, and City Guys. Right now, I’m reviewing one of his later shows, Malibu CA. I would be lying if I said all of those reviews have been positive. I loved California Dreams and Hang Time won me over but the only good thing about Malibu CA is that it’s not Pacific Blue.

But here’s the thing. Peter Engel, regardless of what I may think of some of his later shows. made pop cultural history with Saved By The Bell. When I was a kid, you couldn’t turn on a TV without finding Saved By The Bell reruns playing somewhere. (Myself, I only wish Saved By The Bell: The New Class was as easy to find.) Today, Saved By The Bell has faded a bit from our collective memory, a relic from the childhoods of many elder millennials and their Gen-X siblings. That reboot on Peacock was never quite as good as I used to tell myself it was. But the original show can still be found on Prime, just as California Dreams and Hang Time can be found on YouTube. The Engelverse will live forever.

Peter Engel, RIP.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986! The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

Come aboard, we’re expecting you!

Episode 5.19 “New York, A.C./Live It Up/All’s Fair in Love and War”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on February 20th, 1982)

Poor Captain Stubing! He’s just returned from burying an old friend named George and now, he’s thinking about his own mortality. When he starts to feel unwell, Stubing goes to Dr. Bricker who tells Stubing that his problems are not physical. The problem is that …. STUBING’S DEPRESSED! Stubing decides to live each day to the fullest and good for him. This was a simple storyline but I liked it. I always appreciate the episodes that allow Stubing to be vulnerable without turning him into a hard-luck doofus. In this episode, Stubing was dealing with something that almost everyone has either had to or will deal with at some point in their life. It was also nice to see Doc Bricker giving good advice for once. Bernie Kopell is so likable in the role that I always appreciate it when he gets to play Doc as being something other than a lech.

As for the other two stories …. agck!

Three New York friends (played by former teen idols Eddie Byrnes, Fabian, and Bobby Sherman) have boarded the cruise. They are members of the Alimony Club. They’re all divorced and they’ve all sworn that they’ll keep each other from marrying again. They are a club that believes all marriages are doomed to failure. But when Sherman’s ex-wife, Annette Funicello, boards the boat, it looks like the Alimony Club might lose a member. And listen, I know that guys have their little rituals and their little clubs and that’s okay. But the Alimony Club just feels weird. It should be called the Misery Club because they seem to be more interested in keeping Bobby Sherman depressed than anything else. I always find it odd when previously divorced couples get back together on The Love Boat. I mean, did they forget why they got divorced in the first place?

Meanwhile, Jill St. John and Ron Ely have been having an affair for four years. Every 12 months, they get together for a romantic getaway. Ron says he can’t marry Jill because he’s married and has children back home. (*cough* jerk *cough*) Jill, who really could do better, insists that Ron leave his wife. She even has her brother board the cruise and flirt with her (*cough* Oh my Gosh, creepy! *cough*) to make Ron jealous. Ron gets jealous, alright. He beats up Jill’s brother and then reveals that he was lying about having a wife. He’s not married …. he’s scared of commitment! And now he’s ready to get married! Uhmmm …. like seriously, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!? (I gave up cursing for Lent.) Jill — you were a BOND GIRL! You were TIFFANY FREAKING CASE! YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Oy vey, this episode.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Pier Paolo Pasolini Edition

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

103 years ago, on this date, Pier Paolo Pasolini was born in Italy. His controversial films and his mysterious death continue to inspire debate to this very day. Both the man and his works were full of intriguing contradictions. Pasolini was an atheist who made one of the best Biblical films ever made. He was a communist who made films that celebrated individual freedom and who had little use for the upper class liberals who made up much of the European counterculture of the 1960s. In the end, he was an artist unafraid to challenge all assumptions, whether they were found on the right or the left. His final film, Salo, was the most controversial of his career. It was also projected to be the first part of a trilogy, though those plans were ended by Pasolini’s murder.

It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Pier Paolo Pasolini Films

Accatone (1961, dir by Pier Paolo Pasolini, DP: Tonino Delli Colli)

The Gospel According To St. Matthew (1964, dir by Pier Paolo Pasolini, DP: Tonino Delli Colli)

The Hawks and The Sparrows (1966, dir by Pier Paolo Pasolini, DP: Mario Bernardo and Tonino Delli Colli)

Salo (1975, dir by Pier Paolo Pasolini, DP: Tonino Delli Colli)

Song of the Day: Ashes to Ashes by David Bowie

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s Ash Wednesday!

I remember, when I was like 14, I got up early in the morning and I woke up my sisters by shouting, “It’s Ash Wednesday, bitches!” My mom was not amused. That said, Ash Wednesday is one of my favorite days. I just love the ritual of it all. Of course, I also usually wash my forehead fairly early in the day. That’s allowed, by the way.

Now, before anyone leaves any snarky comments, I fully understand that David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes is not actually about Ash Wednesday nor are the ashes mentioned in the song literal ashes. I understand that but hey, this is a good song.

Do you remember a guy that’s been
In such an early song?
I’ve heard a rumor from Ground Control
Oh no, don’t say it’s true

They got a message from the Action Man
“I’m happy, hope you’re happy too
I’ve loved all I’ve needed, love
Sordid details following”

The shrieking of nothing is killing, just
Pictures of Jap girls in synthesis and I
Ain’t got no money and I ain’t got no hair
But I’m hoping to kick but the planet it’s glowing

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom’s a junkie
Strung out in heaven’s high
Hitting an all-time low

Time and again I tell myself
I’ll stay clean tonight
But the little green wheels are following me
Oh no, not again
I’m stuck with a valuable friend
“I’m happy, hope you’re happy too”
One flash of light but no smoking pistol

I never done good things (I never done good things)
I never done bad things (I never done bad things)
I never did anything out of the blue, woh-o-oh
Want an axe to break the ice
Wanna come down right now

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom’s a junkie
Strung out in heaven’s high
Hitting an all-time low

My mother said, to get things done
You’d better not mess with Major Tom

Songwriter: David Bowie

Music Video of the Day: I’m A Woman by Jennifer Love Hewitt (2013, dir by ????)

Posted on March 5, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Don’t mess with Jennifer Love Hewitt!

I’ve always liked Jennifer Love Hewitt, largely because we’re both Texas girls, we both have what others seem to consider to be an unusual sense of humor, and I imagine that we both share the same struggle when it comes to having to remind men that our eyes are up here. Of course, for all that we have in common, a huge difference between the two of us is that Jennifer Love Hewitt can actually sing whereas I can barely carry a tune. (That said, I’ve always felt that my karaoke version of All Time High was better than all the other karaoke versions.) Jennifer Love Hewitt has released four albums, which is four more than I’ve released.

This video and song were done for the second season of the wonderfully silly and over-the-top The Client List. Hey, Lifetime …. BRING IT BACK!

Enjoy!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.8 “Burnout”

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Oh no! It’s the cops!

Episode 1.8 “Burnout”

(Dir by Lyndon Chubbuck, originally aired on April 20th, 1996)

This episode of Pacific Blue opens with a hilarious scene of Victor and Cory sneaking up on some drug dealers that they’ve spotted making a sale. What makes it hilarious is that Victor and Cory somehow manage to do this while 1) wearing their blindingly white t-shirts and 2) riding their bikes. There’s not much good to say about this show but there’s an undeniable amusement factor in the show’s insistence that bicycle cops don’t look massively dumb creeping up on people while on their bikes.

It turns out that the dealers aren’t selling the usual “smack,” as Cory puts it. Instead, they’re selling steroids! Sheila (Shannon Tweed) is upset that one of her waitresses had gotten hooked on steroids and…. wait, who? Sheila briefly appeared in the pilot episode but she hasn’t been mentioned since and this is certainly the first time that we learn that Lt. Palermo’s girlfriend owns a restaurant. This episode acts as if Sheila is a regular character that we all know and love.

I get the feeling this episode was meant to air earlier in the season. Not only does Sheila return but Chris is back to being her arrogant, bitter self. Chris was a fighter pilot until her eyesight failed, a story we hear again and again in this episode. (She no longer has 20/20 eyesight but whenever she talks about it, she makes it sound as if she literally went blind.) Another pilot, Greg (Peter Barton), comes to visit her and makes a few jokes about how riding a bicycle is lame. This gives Chris a chance to defend her job and to also call out Greg for being a sexist who just wants to get laid before returning to the skies. Chris may be right about Greg but he’s played by the totally adorable Peter Barton so really, why not?

Meanwhile, on the beach, a schizophrenic man annoys the owner of a bodega by playing his saxophone. Fights break out, Cory tells the saxophone man to play his instrument under the pier. Presumably, it will be easier for him to get mugged or murdered under there. I like that the solution when it came to the crazy homeless man was just to find somewhere else for him to be crazy and homeless. Don’t take him to a shelter or a hook him up with mental health professionals or anything silly like that.

This show …. ugh. I’m really hoping the first season is an outlier and the subsequent seasons will be an improvement. The only thing worse than bicyclists are people who are cocky about being bicyclists. For 8 episodes now, it’s been one person after another expressing shock at the whole bicycle thing. We get it. We understand. The cops look stupid on their Schwinns. But, that’s the show. If Pacific Blue is still trying to justify its existence after eight episodes, that’s not a great sign.

Scenes That I Love: Mardi Gras in Easy Rider

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Happy Mardi Gras!

For today’s scene that I love, here is the Mardi Gras sequence from 1969’s Easy Rider. Featuring Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, Karen Black, and Toni Basil walking through the streets of New Orleans, this scene was actually filmed during Mardi Gras. Those are real Mardi Gras floats and real Mardi Gras participants staring at the camera. That’s an actual citizen of New Orleans with whom Dennis Hopper appears to have nearly gotten into a fight. Personally, I relate to Toni Basil in this scene. She is having a good time no matter what!

I just love how Toni Basil can’t help but dance, no matter what.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, things get strange on the Island!

Episode 6.7 “Roller Derby Dolls/Thanks A Million”

(Dir by Don Weis, originally aired on December 4th, 1982)

Norman Hackett (Vic Tayback) is a sports fanatic who wants to coach his own athletic team. Oddly, he doesn’t specify what type of team he wants to coach. I would think that would be the first thing that a true sports fanatic would make clear. “I want to coach the….” Well, I can’t think of the names of any teams off the top of my head. I’m not a sports person so …. okay, he could have said he wanted to coach the Cowboys. You happy? Yes, I’m from North Texas and our football team sucks, Even I’m embarrassed by them and I don’t even follow football. I’d be tempted to coach the Rangers except I know Erin would get mad at me if the team didn’t make it to the championship. We also have a hockey team called the Stars but Leonard is the biggest hockey fan I know and, if anyone here at TSL deserves to coach hockey, it’s Leonard. What’s that, you say? The Mavericks? Ehh. I hate basketball. Those squeaky shoes drive me nuts. Plus Mark Cuban’s been kind of annoying ever since he decided to run for President in 2028.

Anyway, I’m rambling because this episode really wasn’t that interesting. Because Norman didn’t make it clear what he wanted to coach, Mr. Roarke gives him a whistle and then introduces him to the Belles, an all-female roller derby team. It turns out that roller derby is a big deal on Fantasy Island! There’s a roller derby rink and everything. It also turns out that Norman’s check bounced so, if he abandons the Belles, he’ll have to pay Mr. Roarke even more money …. wait, what? Shouldn’t Norman just be sent home or something? And doesn’t Roarke know enough to make sure the check clears before inviting someone to the Island? No wonder Tattoo used to be in charge of the money.

Speaking of money, Suzanne (Janet Leigh), Roger (James Noble), and Eddie (Art Metrano) come to the Island to take part in a contest. The winner will get $1.000.000 from a mysterious benefactor. The benefactor, by the way, is actually Eddie and it turns out that the entire contest is a private bet between him and Mr. Roarke. Eddie thinks that people will do anything to get money. (This is largely true. Up until a few weeks ago, this moronic woman was trying to sue my dead father’s estate for half a million. Fear not, she got nothing.) Roarke believes that people are good at heart. Eddie puts Suzanne and Roger through a series of increasingly dangerous tests to see how far they’re willing to go. In the end, both Roger and Suzanne prove themselves to be good people, though Suzanne is the one who gets the money. Roarke wins his bet and we’re left wondering how all this came about in the first place. (Seriously, how does Roarke even know Eddie?)

Anyway, this was kind of a strange trip to the Island. I’m not really happy about an episode of Fantasy Island featuring a story that isn’t really a fantasy. Still, at least the scenery was nice. That’s a beautiful island!

The Films of 2025: Confessions of a Romance Narrator (dir by April Grace Lowe)

Posted on March 4, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Confessions of a Romance Narrator introduces us to Jasalyn (played by the film’s director, April Grace Lowe).

Jasalyn is a romance audio book narrator, spending her time in her closet with a microphone and reading aloud the chapters of books that depict the type of romances that everyone dreams about but rarely experiences. Jasalyn works hard, trying to make sure that each narration is perfect. She comes up with a different voice for each character. She video chats with her acting coach and, together, they practice the perfect “O” sound while her new upstairs neighbor listens with his pressed to the floor. Jasalyn pines for a co-worker, an egotistical narrator named Richard (Cody Roberts) who doesn’t feel the need to do individual voices for each character because he has …. THE VOICE! And you know what? From the minute that Richard first appeared, I knew he wasn’t good enough for Jasalyn but I probably would have fallen for him too because damn, that man has a sexy voice.

The film’s a comedy so it’s not a surprise that things rarely seem to go Jasalyn’s way. An attempt to leave a flirty message for Richard leads to an author thinking that Jasalyn isn’t professional enough to narrate her book. (Richard, of course, didn’t listen to the message.) Her attempts to look perfect for a facetime call with Richard only leads to Richard calling her back while she’s in the middle of eating a chocolate cake. Her upstairs neighbor (Craig Jessen) is a bit noisy and plays the ukulele. Convinced that Jasalyn is a sex worker, he’s thrilled when she comes up to his apartment to complain about the noise. From the minute we see Jasalyn opening and closing her closet as she attempts to meet an all-important deadline, we know that there’s no way this movie is going to end without featuring her somehow getting trapped in the closet while only wearing a towel. And the movie doesn’t let us down. It’s a lot to happen to one person but, by the end of the movie, you’re convinced that it is something that could all happen to Jasalyn. We’ve all had a friend like Jasalyn. A lot of us have been her at some point in our lives.

Confessions of a Romance Narrator is a breezy and likable 78 minute film, one that examines the life of a romance narrator and includes enough small details that you’re left with no doubt that the film knows what it’s talking about. There are two types of romance narrators, the film tells us in voice-over, those who stand and those who sit. Jasalyn stands but her mom thinks that she sits and sends her a hemorrhoid pillow for her birthday. And, from the minute we see it arrive, we know her loud neighbor is going to be the one to grab it and take it up to her apartment. It’s a bit predictable but it’s cute, much like the film itself. April Grace Lowe gives a likable performance as Jasalyn. The film is, I believe, edited together from a series of 10-minute short films that Lowe made about the character. It’s a likable movie. Much like a good romance novel, it’s fun, quick, and satisfying.