Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, a woman struggles to forgive the son of a man who killed her husband.  Two women and a reverend try to balance attraction with the questions of faith.  And Gopher gets stuck in a suit of armor….

LOVEExciting and new!

Episode 6.10 “The Man In The Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy”

(Dir by Jerome Courtland, originally aired on November 27th, 1982)

Gopher’s latest girlfriend, Gail (Taylor Miller), is on this week’s cruise.  She’s a history teacher and Gopher decides that the best way to impress her would be …. okay, I can’t believe I’m about to type this …. buy a suit of armor and surprise her by wearing it on the boat.  With Isaac’s help, he puts on the armor but — oh no! — he gets stuck in the armor.  He has wear his purser’s uniform over the armor.  The captain notes that Gopher has gained some weight and puts him on an exercise program….

There have been a lot of silly plotlines on The Love Boat but none as silly as this.  The problem is that it never makes sense that Gopher would have a suit of armor in the first place.  There a lot of presents that you can give someone who loves to study and talk about history.  I know this because I’m a history nerd myself.  A suit of armor, though, requires a bit too much of a suspension of disbelief,  It goes from being silly to being just stupid.

It also doesn’t fit in with the episode’s other big storyline, in which Webb Jones Jr. (Laurence Lau) fell in love with Vanessa Heinsely (Denise Miller).  The only problem is that Webb’s father was the drunk driver who killed Vanessa’s father.  Vanessa’s mother (played by Ruth Warrick) struggles to forgive Webb for the sins of his his father.  Luckily, Captain Stubing — a recovering alcoholic himself — is there to help.  This was a serious story about a serious subject and all of the actors handled it well.  But it seemed out-of-place when  mixed with scenes of Gopher trying to hide the fact that he was wearing a suit of armor.

Finally, Janine Turner and Sharon Gabet played two women who had a crush on a reverend (Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs.)  Robert Pine was charming but it was hard not to feel as if Julie needed the reverend more than the two women.  At the very least, he could have gotten her off the cocaine and maybe he could have even convinced her to do something about her hair.

(Seriously, Julie’s hair has looked terrible this season!)

The good news is that Gopher eventually got out of that suit of honor and Vanessa and Webb managed to find love.  Even an uneven episode of The Love Boat usually has a happy ending and really, that’s all I want.

 

The Unnominated #19: The Terminator (dir by James Cameron)


Though the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences claim that the Oscars honor the best of the year, we all know that there are always worthy films and performances that end up getting overlooked.  Sometimes, it’s because the competition too fierce.  Sometimes, it’s because the film itself was too controversial.  Often, it’s just a case of a film’s quality not being fully recognized until years after its initial released.  This series of reviews takes a look at the films and performances that should have been nominated but were, for whatever reason, overlooked.  These are the Unnominated.

First released in 1984, The Terminator was the one of the top box office hits of the year.  It’s the film that established James Cameron as a filmmaker.  It’s the film that made a bona-fide star out of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  It’s a film that was imitated a thousand times before it even got its first official sequel.  It’s a film that’s still celebrated today.  41 years later, people are still saying, “I’ll be back.”  Would Arnold Schwarzenegger ever have become governor of California if he hadn’t first played a killing machine?  There’s a reason why his political nickname was the Governator.

And yet, The Terminator was not nominated for a single Oscar.  For all of the explosions and the gunfire and the screaming, it wasn’t even nominated for Best Sound.  Some of the special effects may now seem a bit hokey in this age of rampant CGI but it’s still a surprise that The Terminator was not nominated for Best Visual Effects.  The breath-taking action scenes did not result in a nomination for Best Editing.  Linda Hamilton was not nominated for her fantastic performance as Sarah Connor, a young woman who finds herself being pursued by a killer cyborg from the future.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was not nominated for playing one of the most memorable villains of the past 40 years.  Those who claim that Schwarzenegger was just playing himself are being overly glib.  Anyone could have said, “I’ll be back.”  It took Schwarzenegger’s delivery to make it a great line.

The lack of nominations aren’t really not a surprise, of course.  The Academy has only recently started to show an openness to nominating genre films for major awards and, even now, a genre film has to be considered a “cultural event” to even get a nomination.  Black Panther, Get Out, and even Mad Max: Fury Road and Dune were all nominated because it was felt that they had transcended their genre origins.  The Terminator is a sci-fi action movie and it’s proud to be a sci-fi action movie.  (Terminator 2: Judgment Day, it could be argued, transcended its genre origins but it was released in 1991 and Silence of the Lambs was destined to be the genre nominee that year.)  It’s also so relentlessly paced and intelligently written and directed that it’s a film that, even after all these years, it can still leave you breathless.  Nominated or not, The Terminator is a film that grabs your attention and holds it for a full 107 minutes.  There’s not many films that can make that claim.

The Terminator is a film that has held up surprisingly well.  (It’s certainly held up better than some of its more recent sequels.)  The performances of Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn, and Arnold Schwarzenegger still work.  It’s still terrifying to watch as The Terminator relentlessly kills everyone that he comes into contact with.  (One thing that always gets me about the Terminator is that, even though he’s huge and superstrong and could probably physically rip anyone he wanted to apart, he still carries and uses a gun.  This makes him seem like even more of a bully.)  The Terminator is a machine and what makes him especially intimidating is that he doesn’t care if people see him coming or if they witness his crimes.  He has one function and that’s all he worries about.  When Michael Biehn first shows up, you can’t help but wonder why this guy, with his slight build and his somewhat nervous mannerisms, would be sent to try to stop the Terminator.  Of course, by the end of the movie, you understand.

(And what an ending!  The sight of those clouds, Linda Hamilton’s delivery of her final line, and the feeling that the future has already been determined, it all definitely makes an impression that has managed to survive every sequel after Judgment Day.  There’s a reason why Skynet — much like “I’ll be back” — has taken on a cultural life of its own.)

There were a lot of very good films that were nominated for Oscars in 1984.  The Terminator, much like Once Upon A Time In America, was not one of them but it will still never be forgotten.

Previous Entries In The Unnominated:

  1. Auto Focus 
  2. Star 80
  3. Monty Python and The Holy Grail
  4. Johnny Got His Gun
  5. Saint Jack
  6. Office Space
  7. Play Misty For Me
  8. The Long Riders
  9. Mean Streets
  10. The Long Goodbye
  11. The General
  12. Tombstone
  13. Heat
  14. Kansas City Bomber
  15. Touch of Evil
  16. The Mortal Storm
  17. Honky Tonk Man
  18. Two-Lane Blacktop

Film Review: Stay Hungry (dir by Bob Rafelson)


In the 1976 film Stay Hungry, Jeff Bridges plays Craig Blake.

When we first meet Craig, he doesn’t have much of a personality, though we still like him because he’s played by Jeff Bridges.  Living in Alabama, he’s a young rich kid who, after the death of his parents, divides his time between his nearly empty mansion and his country club.  Craig suffers from a good deal of ennui and seems to spend a lot of time writing letters to his uncle in which he promises that he’s going to eventually get his life together.  Craig eventually gets a job at a real estate firm that is managed by Jabo (Joe Spinell).  We know that the real estate firm is shady because Joe Spinell works there.

Craig is assigned to handle the purchase of a small gym so that he can eventually close the place and allow it to be torn down to make room for an office building.  However, Craig soon falls for the gang of colorful eccentrics whose lives revolve around the gym and bodybuilder Joe Santo (Arnold Schwarzenegger, who gets an “introducing” credit, even though this was his fourth film).  The friendly Franklin (Robert Englund) is Santo’s “grease” man.  Anita (Helena Kallianiotes) is tough and can kick anyone’s ass.  The receptionist, Mary Tate (Sally Field), is a free spirit with whom Craig soon falls in love.  In fact, the only less than likable person at the gym is the former owner, Thor Erickson (R.G. Armstrong), a heavy-drinking perv who has a hole in the floor of his office that he uses to peek down at the women’s locker room.

There’s not much of a plot here.  Instead, the film plays out in a rather laid back manner, with Santo befriending Craig and showing him the joy of embracing life.  Arnold Schwarzenegger actually won an award (well, a Golden Globe) for his performance here and it must be said that he’s very good as the gentle and easy-going Santo.  Because he’s huge and he’s Schwarzenegger, we expect him to be intimidating.  Instead, he’s a soft-spoken guy who is quick to smile and who doesn’t even get upset when he finds out that Mary Tate and Craig are now involved.  There’s even a surprising scene where Joe Santo picks up a fiddle and starts playing with a bluegrass band.  Schwarzenegger is so likable here that it’s easy to wonder where his career might have gone if he hadn’t become an action star.  Even early in his career (and when he was still speaking with a very thick accent), Schwarzenegger shows off a natural comic timing.  He’s fun to watch.

In fact, he’s so much fun that the rest of the film suffers whenever he’s not onscreen.  The cast is full of talented people but the film’s loose, plotless structure keeps us from truly getting too invested in any of them.  (Santo is training for Mr. Universe so at least he gets an actual storyline.)  Sally Field and Jeff Bridges are cute together but their romance is never quite as enchanting as it seems like it should be.  The main problem with the film is that, when it ends, one still feels like Craig will eventually get bored with the gym and return back to his mansion and his country club.  One doesn’t get the feeling that Craig has been changed so much as Craig just seems to be slumming for the heck of it.

There are charming moments in Stay Hungry.  I’m a Southern girl so I can attest that the film captured the feel of the South better than most films.  If you’re a Schwarzenegger fan, you have to see this film because it really does feature Arnie at his most charming and natural.  Unfortunately, despite all that, the film itself never really comes together.

Song of the Day: Can You Hear The Music by Hans Zimmer


Today, we wish a happy birthday to director Christopher Nolan.  Our song of the day comes from the soundtrack of Nolan’s Oscar-winning epic, Oppenheimer.

From Hans Zimmer, here is today’s song of the day.

4 Shots From 4 Films: Special Richard Linklater Edition


4 Shots From 4 Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking.

Today, we wish a happy birthday to director Richard Linklater.  It’s time for….

4 Shots From 4 Richard Linklater Films

Slacker (1990, dir by Richard Linklater, DP: Lee Daniel)

Dazed and Confused (1993, dir by Richard Linklater, DP: Lee Daniel)

Before Sunset (2004, dir by Richard Linklater, DP: Lee Daniel)

Boyhood (2014, dir by Richard Linklater, DP: Lee Daniel and Sheila Kelly)

 

Scenes That I Love: Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies


Today’s is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s birthday and this scene that I love comes from one of his best films, 1994’s True Lies.  In this scene, Schwarzenegger takes truth serum and reveals the details of his secret life as an international secret agent.

“But they were all bad….” still cracks me up every time that I hear it.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.13 “Outlaw Blues”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, there’s way too much happening on the Boardwalk.

Episode 2.13 “Outlaw Express”

(Dir by Michael Levine, originally aired on December 8th, 1996)

Mahmoud (Shaun Toub) is selling cheap jewelry on the boardwalk.  He gives Chris a “silver” necklace that makes her neck turn green.  Uh-oh, someone’s allergic to tin!

Palermo’s daughter is hanging out with some extreme athletes who are pressuring her to take part in increasingly dangerous pranks on the boardwalk so that they can film them for their web site!

Two criminals are hijacking trucks and then forcing merchants to sell stolen goods!  When they see that one truck driver is wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt, they shoot him in the back and then tell him, “Say hi to Jerry for me.”  (I’m guessing they were referring to Jerry Garcia and not Jerry Springer but who knows with this show.)

Finally, Victor’s mother is staying at his apartment which means Victor can’t get laid!

Wow, there’s a lot to deal with this week.  When a show tries to juggle this many plots, it really does remind you of the importance of having clearly defined and compelling characters.  Pacific Blue doesn’t have any of that so this episode kind of sucked.  We are 24 episodes into this stupid show and I still can’t tell the difference between Victor, TC, and Palermo whenever they’re riding their bikes.  That’s a problem.  24 episodes in and Chris still doesn’t have a personality beyond being annoyed by everyone she talks to.  That’s another problem.

(“I didn’t catch your first name Officer Kelly,” Mahmoud says.  “Officer,” Chris replies, deploying the power glare.)

Seriously, just think about how much it would suck to be a victim of the crime, call 911, and then have these douchebags show up.

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 7.3 “Nurses Night Out”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984.  Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites.  Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, three nurses are brought to the Island by one grateful benefactor.

Episode 7.3 “Nurses Night Out”

(Dir by Philip Leacock, originally aired on October 22nd, 1983)

Wealthy George Galloway (Peter Graves) has recently been discharged from the hospital and he wants to give a present to the three nurses that took care of him.  He pays for all of them to come to Fantasy Island and experience a fantasy.

Christine Donavon (Joanna Cassidy) wants the capable but abrasive Dr. Mark Reed (Monte Markham) to experience what it’s like to be a patient so that he might understand what it’s like having to deal with the uncertainty of being in a hospital.  However, Christine comes to discover that Dr. Reed isn’t that bad and Dr. Reed comes to realize that perhaps he could be a bit kinder.  Love is in the air!

Tracy Freemont (Pat Klous) wants to hook up with quarterback Crash McGowan (Brodie Greer, who I’m also currently watching as Officer Barizca on CHiPs).  Crash was a patient at the hospital and Tracy was his night nurse.  Crash likes Tracy but, as he explains it to Mr. Roarke, he’s currently under a lot of pressure to win football game  and, as a result, he’s impotent.  Maybe Crash should just ask for a fantasy where he’s not impotent for the weekend.  Fear not, things work out.  Love is in the air!

At first, Alice Green (Eleanor Parker) just wants to spend her time on the Island doing nothing.  That’s her fantasy.  Lawrence may think that an odd fantasy but I actually understand Alice’s point.  She’s on vacation.  Why should she have to do anything?  However, when Alice discovers that George is her benefactor, she decides she does have a fantasy.  She wants to tell George that she loves him.  George’s fantasy is for Alice to love him.  Hey, that works out!  The only problem is that George only has three months to live!  Love is in the air …. but for how long!?

This episode wasn’t that bad, especially when compared to the previous two episodes.  I like Peter Graves and I liked the three nurses and I was happy that they all ultimately found love on the Island.  Admittedly, Tracy and Christine’s fantasies didn’t do much for me.  But the Peter Graves/Eleanor Parker fantasy was nicely done and I appreciated the fact that the show didn’t come up with some miracle cure for George’s terminal illness.  Instead, with the gentle encouragement of Mr. Roarke, George and Alice decided to make the best of the time they had left.  Good work, Mr. Roarke!

Tattoo is very much missed but this was still a good trip to the Island.