Last night, the Snarkalecs and I turned over to SyFy so we could watch and live tweet the latest offering from the Asylum, Bermuda Tentacles!
Why Were We Watching It?
Because it was the first SyFy original film of 2014, that’s why! Seriously, yesterday should have been a freaking national holiday. (Sad to say but rumor has it that the SyFy network may be looking to phase out original films — like Bermuda Tentacles — in order to devote more time to episodic television. I sincerely hope that the network will reconsider that plan.)
What Was It About?
The President (John Savage) has gone missing in the Bermuda Triangle. It’s up to rebellious Chief Petty Officer Trip Oliver (Trevor Donavon) to save him! But while Trip and his crew float around under the sea in a submarine, gigantic CGI tentacles attack Admiral Linda Hamilton and the entire U.S. Navy. Could the two events be related?
What do I always say about Asylum films? It all worked. Asylum films are the epitome of low-budget fun and that was certainly the case here. To be honest, those who criticize a film like Bermuda Tentacles are missing the point.
Asylum films are designed to be watched by large groups of snarky individuals. That’s why I always look forward to watching them with the Snarkalecs. And I have to say that we, as a group, were on fire last night! We were all in full snark mood and it was a wonderful thing to behold. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get #BermudaTentacles trending, largely because there were thousands of tweens tweeting about fucking Ashton Irwin at the same time we were tweeting about the movie. But still, it was a good effort and everyone should be proud.
One thing that the Snarkalecs seemed to especially appreciate about Bermuda Tentacles was just how long, by Oval Office standards, the President’s hair was.
Thank you, John Savage, for not getting a haircut!
What Did Not Work?
I have to admit that, unlike TSL editor-in-chief Arleigh Sandoc, I’m hardly an expert as far as military history or ranks are concerned. However, it was obvious, even to me, that the Navy in Bermuda Tentacles didn’t appear to follow any sort of real-world protocol. Quite a few people on twitter doubted that an admiral would be on a destroyer and some had issues with a scene where the President referred to Oliver as being a “soldier” as opposed to being a “sailor.” This really wasn’t a big deal to me because, quite frankly, I hardly expect Asylum films to be documentaries. However, judging from some of the comments on twitter, it was a big deal to quite a few people who had actually served in the Navy.
“Oh my God! Just like me!” Moments
I had a harder time than usual relating to the characters in Bermuda Tentacles, largely because they were all career military whereas I majored in art history. I was happy to see that the Admiral was a woman and that none of the men in her command had any problems with taking orders from her. I would hope that, if I was an admiral, I would be just as effective.
There’s nothing quite as uniquely fun as watching a SyFy film with the Snarkalecs. I’m already excited for the SyFy premiere of Big Ass Spider next Saturday.