Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee and several other services!
This week, we’ve got a two-hour episode of Highway to Heaven.
Episode 3.7 and 3.8 “Love and Marriage”
(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on November 12th, 1986)
It’s Mark and Jonathan’s four-year anniversary!
For four years, they have been traveling around the country and helping people out. Mark is so excited that he makes a cake and decides not to watch the football game so that he and Jonathan can talk about old times.
“I remember the first time I met you,” Mark says at one point.
Later, Jonathan laughs and says that he remembers one really funny adventure they had.
Still later, Mark says, “Remember when Scotty proposed?”
Yay! I thought as I watched all of this unfold. It’s a clip show! This will be easy to review!
However, it turned out that only first 20 minutes of the episode was a clip show. Soon, Mark got a phone call telling him that his niece was getting married and that she wanted Mark to be the head usher. Meanwhile, Jonathan put on his collar and became Rev. Smith, the man who would perform the ceremony.
Unfortunately, not all is well at the wedding rehearsal. When the grandparents of the bride — Clarence (Bill Erwin) and Rose (Mary Jackson) — decide to get a divorce, this leads to the parents of the bride — Frank (Robert Mandan) and Carla (Barbara Stuart) — splitting up as well. Seeing her elders splitting up, Trish Kelly (Anne Marie Howard) decides that there is no way she could marry Brad (Dean Scofield).
It falls to Jonathan and Mark to bring all of the couple back together. Mark invades Clarence’s dreams and shows him how empty his life would have been if he had never married Rose. Jonathan appears to Carla and explains that he’s an angel. He gives Carla a chance to appear to Frank as a totally different woman. Calling herself Ono, Carla dates Frank for a week but Frank eventually tells her that he loves his wife too much to be unfaithful to her. Frank says that dating Ono made him realize how much he loved Carla. It’s a good thing that Carla actually was Ono or Frank probably would have gotten the heck slapped out of him.
Seeing all of the members of her family getting back together inspires Trish to go ahead and give marriage a try. Jonathan performs the wedding but now it’s a triple wedding as the grandparents and their parents join their daughter and renew their vows. Wow, you all, way to hog the spotlight on Trish’s special day.
This episode was a bit too cutesy for its own good. I think if Jonathan and Mark has only been repairing one or two relationships, it would have been fine. But three just felt like showing off and, more importantly, it left the episode feeling a bit overcrowded and overstuffed.
Fortunately, next week’s episode is one that I’ve actually seen before and I can promise you that it’s going to be a huge improvement!
If you’re in Texas or Arkansas today, I hope you’re keeping as bundled up as Charles Bronson in DEATH HUNT. It’s cold out there people! Keep safe and stay home if at all possible! We don’t know how to drive in this weather!
Enjoy DEATH HUNT’s trailer below! Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin are as tough as it gets!
I am currently sitting in my bedroom, wrapped in several blankets and watching the snow fall on the other side of my window. I love snow, mostly because I live in Texas and therefore, I don’t get to see it that often. The most snow we’ve gotten down here, at least in my lifetime, was in 2021. That was when we got hit by that blizzard and had to deal with rolling blackouts for a week straight. That’s not a good memory but still, I love to watch the snow fall. Even during that blizzard, I still loved the fact that I could use the snow as a nightlight as I read a Mickey Spillane book and waited for the power to come back on.
Down here in North Texas, snow is exotic. In other parts of the country, it’s just a part of everyday life.
Like in the Dakotas for instance….
First released in 1996 and directed by the Coen Brothers, Fargo is a film that is full of arresting images. As soon as you hear (or read) the title, those images and the sounds associated with them immediately pop into your head. You immediately visualize the desperate car salesman Jerry Lundegaard (William H. Macy) trying to trick a customer into paying extra for the trucoat and insisting that “I’m not getting snippy here!” You see the film’s two kidnappers, Carl Showalter (Steve Buscemi) and Gaear Grimsud (Peter Stomare), getting on each other’s nerves as they drive from one frozen location to another. You remember heavily pregnant Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand) investigating a snowy crime scene and gently correcting another officer’s “police work.” You flash back to the moment when Mike Yanagita (Steve Park) suddenly breaks down in tears and tells Marge that she’s a super lady. “And it’s a beautiful day,” Marge says at one point, wondering how so many terrible things could have happened on such a lovely day. And she’s right. It was a beautiful day. It was far too beautiful a day to discover one man stuffing another into a woodchipper.
Myself, I always think of the scene where Carl attempts to find a place to hide a briefcase full of money. It’s night. Carl’s been shot in the face but he has the money that he’s gone through so much trouble to collect. He runs into a field, looking for a place to hide it. The field is covered in snow. Every inch of the ground glows a bright white. Everything looks the same. But Carl still runs around desperately before picking a place to bury the suitcase. It doesn’t seem to occur to Carl that there’s no visible landmarks or anything that would ever help him to find the money again. He’s blinded, by the snow, by the pain of the bullet, and, like most of the characters in this movie, by his own greed.
Of course, Fargo is not a film about people behaving in intelligent ways. Greed, loneliness, and desperation all lead to people doing some pretty stupid things. Jerry thinks that the best way to pay off his debts and raise the money for a real estate deal is to arrange for his wife to be kidnapped so his wealthy father-in-law (Harve Presnell) will pay the ransom. His father-in-law, who obviously despises Jerry and would be happy for him to just go away, is convinced that he’ll be able to both get back his daughter and recover his money. (If Jerry had just spent a moment really thinking about his plan before going through with it, he would have realized his father-in-law would never just part with his money.) Carl thinks that it’s a good idea to partner up with the obviously sociopathic Grimsud. When a cop pulls over Carl and Grimsud’s car, Grimsud ignores the fact that Carl was talking his way out of the ticket and instead kills the policeman and then kills several eyewitnesses. (“I told you not to stop.”) Marge figures out what is going on but even she puts her life in danger by investigating a cabin without proper backup. The characters in Fargo frequently behave in ludicrous ways and almost all of them speak with an exaggerated regional dialect (All together now: “Oh yeah,”) but they also feel incredibly real. The sad truth of the matter is that there are people as greedy, dumb, and hapless in the world as Jerry. There are people like Carl and Grimsud. Even Jerry’s fearsome father-in-law is a very familiar type of character. People do thing without thinking and inevitably, they make things worse the more overwhelmed they become. Common sense (not to mention decency) is frequently the last thing that anyone considers. Fortunately, Marge is believable too. Marge at times almost seems so gentle and polite (“No, why don’t you sit over there?” she sweetly tells Mike when he attempts to get too close to her.) that the viewer worries about what’s going to happen to her when she gets closer and closer to figuring out what’s going on. Fortunately, Marge turns out to be much stronger than anyone, even the viewer, expected. The world of Fargo can be a terrible place but there’s moments of kindness and hope as well.
Fargo is both a comedy and a drama. The opening title card says that the film is based on a true story, which is a typical Coen Brothers joke. (The film was loosely inspired by several similar crimes but the story itself is fictional.) Carter Burwell’s dramatic score is both appropriately grand and also gently satiric. Jerry does some terrible things but William H. Macy plays him as being so naive and desperate and ultimately overwhelmed that it’s hard not to have a little sympathy for him. Jerry truly thought it would be so simple to pull off a complicated crime. (The poor guy can’t even get the ice off of his windshield.) As played by Steve Buscemi, Carl Showalter talks nonstop and he makes you laugh despite yourself. His shock at how poorly everything goes is one of the film’s highlights. It’s a funny film but it’s also a sad one. I always worry about what’s going to happen to Jerry’s son. Ultimately, of course, the film belongs to Frances McDormand, who gives a wonderful performance as Marge. She’s the heart of the film, the one who reminds the viewer that there are good people in the world.
Considering the film’s cultural impact, it’s always somewhat shocking to remember that Fargo did not win the Oscar for Best Picture. It lost to The English Patient, a film about a homewrecker who helps the Nazis. Personally, I prefer Fargo.
Fargo (1996, dir by the Coen Brothers, DP: Roger Deakins)
I’m a movie guy more than a music guy, but I still love Jimmy Page. His soundtrack for DEATH WISH II has been a part of my entire life. It’s such a strange, unique score, but it seems to work perfectly for the movie. I was only around 10 years old when I first saw an “edited for TV” version of the movie in ‘83 or ‘84. To be completely honest, the music kinda scared me. I laugh when I type that now, but it’s the truth! Parts of the soundtrack were rearranged again a few years later for DEATH WISH 3, the Charles Bronson movie I’ve watched more than any other.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Page!! Thanks so much for being Michael Winner’s neighbor and composing that soundtrack. This guy from Arkansas truly appreciates it!
I’ve attached a link to the soundtrack below for your listening pleasure!
Emilio Manrique (Alvaro Orlando) was born in the part of Miami that is never featured in any tourism commercials. With an absentee father (Steven Bauer) and an addict mother (Yennifer Behrens), Emilio struggled while growing up, getting in trouble and spending time in a mental hospital before he was given a good home by his uncle (Oscar Torre) and grandmother (Ivonne Coll). Boxing provides an escape for Enrique, a chance to make something out of himself. But few promoters are willing to take a chance on him, not with his criminal background and rumored mental health woes. Only Talia Portillo (Camila Banus), who is eager to prove herself as Miami’s first female boxing promoter, is willing to support Emilio but can even she get him a fight against the champion (Jilon VanOver).
From what I understand, Counterpunch was inspired by Alvaro Orlando’s actual life story. (Along with director Kenneth Castillo, he’s credited with writing the film’s screenplay.) Almost every boxing cliche is present in Counterpunch but I appreciated that the film took a look at not just how Emilio’s childhood set him on the path to becoming a boxer but also at what it did to him mentally. As fearsome as Emilio’s opponents are in the ring, the greatest threat to his success of a boxer comes from his own inner demons. Alvaro Orlando is believable as Emilio, which makes sense since it’s his story! Danny Trejo and Steven Bauer both show up in small roles. Trejo plays Emilio’s counselor and he gives a heartfelt performance, playing a character who doesn’t seem like he’s too far off from who Trejo actually is.
Counterpunch is a good boxing movie, even if it doesn’t exactly rewrite the rules of the genre.
Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999. The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!
This week’s episode is stupid! Let’s get to it.
Episode 1.23 “The New Cook”
(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on May 2nd, 1999)
After a relative in Texas breaks his leg — *sigh* I can already tell you that I’m going to hate this episode — Peter announces that he has to go down to the Lone Star State to look after the ranch because, of course, everyone who lives in Texas owns a ranch. (Except for me apparently.) Peter leaves Jason and Scott in charge of the restaurant. Jason points out that he doesn’t get paid to be an assistant manager. He gets paid to be a waiter and you know what? Jason is perhaps the biggest douchebag to ever appear on a television show but, in this case, he’s absolutely correct.
Seriously, does Peter not have any adult employees that he can leave in charge? Jason and Scott are not managers. They are just his good-for-nothing sons who he hired because they were too irresponsible to be left on their own. Scott has grown a bit more responsible over the course of the season but neither he nor Jason really has the track record of someone who you would leave in charge of a complicated business. Jason and Scott do some pretty stupid things in this episode but it’s all Peter’s fault for being dumb enough to give them so much responsibility in the first place.
With Peter gone, it falls to Jason and Scott to hire a new chef for the kitchen. They hire Inga (Victoria Silvstedt) because she’s tall, blonde, and apparently comes from a country where there are no laws about nepo kids sexually harassing their new employees. Unfortunately, it turns out that Inga cannot cook. The head chef refuses to work with her and storms out of the restaurant. Because neither Jason nor Scott can work up the courage to fire her, they try to teach her how to cook. Then they try to run the kitchen themselves. A bunch of Texans are coming to the restaurant and they’re expecting lobster. Uh-oh, Traycee set all the lobsters free! She dumped them in the ocean. Hey, Traycee, you probably just killed all of those lobsters! Can no one on this show think?
(And seriously, what was this episode’s deal with Texas?)
Scott and Jason have to figure out what to do about their guests who claim to be from Texas but who all have the fakest accents that I’ve ever seen. Bleh. Screw this storyline. It’s too stupid. I’m done talking about it.
Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Murray is visited by the legendary surfer, Webfoot Wilson (Peter Flanders). Webfoot says that he’s putting together a charity for injured surfers. But, after Sam and Stads see Webfoot stealing money from the Surf Shack’s cash register, they realize that he’s just a con artist! Will they find the courage to tell Murray that his friend is a thief? Of course, they will. What a stupid B-plot but I will give credit where credit is due. Brandon Brooks’s performance as Murray was probably the only thing that worked about this episode. Murray may have started out as a standard weird sidekick but Brooks was actually able to make him into a surprisingly likeable and occasionally even funny character.
Next week …. oh, who cares? Something will happen.
Today, the Shattered Lens wishes a happy 81st birthday to the one and only Jimmy Page!
In honor of one of the world’s greatest guitarists, today’s song of the day is one of the few Led Zeppelin songs that I like. Page originally came up with the lyrics for the song while driving through Morocco but clearly, Kashmir was a better title.
Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face And stars fill my dream I’m a traveler of both time and space To be where I have been To sit with elders of the gentle race This world has seldom seen They talk of days for which they sit and wait All will be revealed
Talk in song from tongues of lilting grace Sounds caress my ear And not a word I heard could I relate The story was quite clear
Oh, baby, I been blind Oh, yeah, mama, there ain’t no denyin’ Oh, ooh yes, I been blind Mama, mama, ain’t no denyin’, no denyin’
All I see turns to brown As the sun burns the ground And my eyes fill with sand As I scan this wasted land Try to find, try to find the way I feel
Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace Like sorts inside a dream Leave the path that led me to that place Yellow desert stream My shangri la beneath the summer moon I will return again As the dust that floats high in June We’re moving through Kashmir
Oh, father of the four winds fill my sails Cross the sea of years With no provision but an open face Along the straits of fear Oh, when I want, when I’m on my way, yeah And my feet wear my fickle way to stay
Ooh, yeah yeah, oh, yeah yeah, But I’m down oh, yeah yeah, oh, yeah Yeah, but I’m down, so down Ooh, my baby, oh, my baby Let me take you there Come on, oh let me take you there Let me take you there
Songwriters: James Patrick (Jimmy) Page / John Bonham / Robert Anthony Plant
In 1925, on this very date, Lee Van Cleef was born in Somervillve, New Jersey. In honor of what would have been Lee Van Cleef’s 100th birthday, here he is with Klaus Kinski and Clint Eastwood in For A Few Dollars More.
There’s not a lot of dialogue in this scene but when you had actors like Eastwood, Kinski, and Lee Van Cleef, you didn’t need a lot of dialogue to make an impression.
4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!
Today, on what would have been his 97 birthday, we pay tribute to director Ulu Grobsard with….
4 Shots From 4 Ulu Grosbard Films
The Subject Was Roses (1968, dir by Ulu Grosbard, DP: Jack Priestley)
Straight Time (1978, dir by Ulu Grosbard, DP: Owen Roizman)
True Confessions (1981, dir by Ulu Grosbard, DP: Owen Roizman)
Georgia (1995, dir by Ulu Grosbard, DP: Jan Kiesser)
In the 1980 remake of The Jazz Singer, it only takes the film seven minutes to find an excuse to put Neil Diamond in blackface.
Of course, the film was a remake of the 1927 version of The Jazz Singer, which featured several scenes of Al Jolson performing in blackface. In fact, Al Jolson in blackface was such a key part of the film that it was even the image that was used to advertise the film when it was first released. Back in the 20s, Jolson said that wearing blackface was a way of honoring the black artists who created jazz. (As shocking as the image of Al Jolson wearing blackface is to modern sensibilities, Jolson was considered a strong advocate for civil rights and one of the few white singers to regularly appear on stage with black musicians.) Regardless of Jolson’s motives, less-progressively minded performers used blackface as a way to reinforce racial stereotypes and, to modern audiences, blackface is an abhorrent reminder of how black people were marginalized by a racist culture. You would think that, if there was any element of the original film that a remake would change, it would be the lead character performing in blackface.
But nope. Seven minutes into the remake, songwriter Jess Robin (Neil Diamond) puts on a fake afro and dons blackface so that he can perform on stage at a black club with the group that is performing his songs. The group’s name is the Four Brothers and, unfortunately, one of the Brothers was arrested the day of the performance. Jess performs with the group and the crowd loves it until they see his white hands. Ernie Hudson — yes, Ernie Hudson — stands up and yells, “That’s a white boy!” A riot breaks out. The police show up. Jess and the three remaining Brothers are arrested and taken to jail. Jess is eventually bailed out by his father, Cantor Rabinovitch (Laurence Olivier). The Cantor is shocked to discover that his son, Yussel Rabinovitch, has been performing under the name Jess Robin. He’s also stunned to learn that Yussel doesn’t want to be a cantor like his father. Instead, he wants to write and perform modern music. The Cantor tells Yussel that his voice is God’s instrument, not his own. Yussel returns home to his wife, Rivka (Caitlin Adams), and tries to put aside his dreams.
But when a recording artist named Keith Lennox (Paul Nicholas) wants to record one Yussel’s songs, Yussel flies out to Los Angeles. As Jess Robin, he is shocked to discover that Lennox wants to turn a ballad that he wrote into a hard rock number, Jess sings the song to show Lennox how it should sound. The arrogant Lennox is not impressed but his agent, Molly (Lucie Arnaz) is. Soon, Jess has a chance to become a star but what about the family he left behind in New York? “I have no son!” the Cantor wails when he learns about Jess’s new life in California.
I’ve often seen the 1980 version of The Jazz Singer referred to as being one of the worst films of all time. I watched it a few days ago and I wouldn’t go that far. It’s not really terrible as much as its just kind of bland. For someone who has had as long and successful a career as Neil Diamond, he gives a surprisingly charisma-free performance in the lead role. The most memorable thing about Diamond’s performance is that he refuses to maintain eye contact with any of the other performers, which makes Jess seem like kind of a sullen brat. It also doesn’t help that Diamond appears to be in his 40s in this film, playing a role that was clearly written for a much younger artist. Still, when it comes to bad acting, no one can beat a very miscast Laurence Olivier, delivering his lines with an overdone Yiddish accent and dramatically tearing at his clothes to indicate that Yussel is dead to him. Olivier was neither Jewish nor a New Yorker and that becomes very clear the more one watches this film. It takes a truly great actor to give a performance this bad. Diamond, at least, could point to the fact that he was a nonactor given a starring role in a major studio production. Olivier, on the other hand, really had no one to blame but himself.
Still, I have to admit that ending the film with a sparkly Neil Diamond performing America while Laurence Olivier nods in the audience was perhaps the best possible way to bring this film to a close. It’s a moment of beautiful kitsch. The Jazz Singer needed more of that.
Through the Shattered Lens 