Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983.  The entire show is currently streaming on Freevee!

This week, we’ve got ourselves a convoy!

Episode 2.2 “The Volunteers”

(Dir by John Florea, originally aired on September 23rd, 1978)

After a high-speed chase causes a robbery suspect to crash his car into a chemical storage facility (which subsequently explodes), three truckers have to get their trucks full of chlorine gas to the next available facility.  Unfortunately, it’s a 170-mile drive over rough terrain and it’s a very hot day.  If the gas gets to hot, it’ll explode.  If It doesn’t get to the storage facility in time, it’ll explode.  In fact, it appears that just about anything can make chlorine gas explode.  Californians might love chlorine for their pool but they don’t want it in the air.

Getraer assigns Ponch, Baker, Baricza, and Jane Turner to escort the trucks to the facility.  Jane Turner (Rana Ford) is a new member of the highway patrol.  She drives a squad car and she’s the first woman and only the second black person who we’ve seen working for the highway patrol on this show.  She doesn’t really do much in this episode and, about halfway through, she breaks off from the main group to help deal with a highway pile-up.  For that matter, Getraer and Baricza end up vanishing as well.  As usual, it’s all on Ponch and Baker.

Despite the danger of a chemical spill killing the population of Los Angeles county, Ponch spends most of this episode trying to get laid.  The episode opens with him leering at a jogging stewardess (Anna Upstrom) and then bragging about how he has a date with her later that night.

“She doesn’t smoke, drink, or dance,” Ponch says.

“What are you two going to do?” Baker earnestly asks.

Ponch arches his eyebrow and grins.

But Ponch is soon distracted by one of the truck drivers, a woman named Robbie Davis (Katherine Cannon), who is quick to yell that not only can she drive a truck but she can vote as well.  Ponch arches his eyebrow and grins.  Baker gets in on the action by saying, “Prettiest little truck driver I’ve ever seen.”

Robbie’s father (Tige Andrews) and the other trucker (Sam Brodie) all totally think Robbie should hook up with Ponch but they’re still amused when, late in the episode, Ponch accepts a ride from a blonde in a convertible.  Ponch arches and eyebrow and grins as he gets in the car.  WE GET IT, PONCH!

It’s not easy transporting chlorine gas.  Along with rough desert terrain, there’s also a group of beer-drinking rednecks who drive by in a pickup truck and threaten to shoot one of the tanks.  All of that drunk driving leads to another multi-car pile-up.  For some reason, one of the vehicles in the pile-up was transporting a tiger, which promptly gets loose and enters a grocery store.  Ponch and Baker grab raw meat from the butcher’s station and use it to trick the tiger into entering an office.  After they shut the door, the owner of the store yells at them for wasting meat.  There’s also a town puts up a roadblock to keep the trucks from coming through because they don’t want chlorine gas getting into the air.  And then there’s an avalanche, which causes chlorine gas to leak out of Robbie’s truck, sending her to the hospital.

Considering everything that happens in this episode, it’s odd that it all feels rather boring.  The best episodes of CHiPs focus on fast motorcycles and beautiful scenery.  This episode featured slow-moving trucks and the desert.  Bleh.  I hate the desert.  This episode also featured a lot of interaction between Robbie, her father, and their friend.  In fact, they were so prominently featured that it wouldn’t surprise me if this episode was meant to be a backdoor pilot for a trucking show.  (This episode aired in 1978, which was a big year for trucker movies.)  But the Davis family just wasn’t that interesting.

This episode didn’t really capture my attention.  Hopefully, next week will see a return of fast bikes and nice scenery.