October Positivity: Under Arrest (dir by William Field)


Welcome to the past …. kind of.

I say “kind of” because, even though the 1983 film Under Arrest takes place in the 20s, 30s, and 40, it’s obvious that the production didn’t have the budget necessary to really splurge on getting all the period details correct.  All of the characters wear slightly old timey clothing but they’ve all got haircuts that come from straight from the 70s and 80s.  One or two vintage cars make an appearance but otherwise, Under Arrest takes place in a world where the characters tend to a lot of walking.  To be honest, if not for the film’s narration, the viewer could easily assume that the film was supposed to be taking place in 1974.

It starts out as something of a gangster film.  We’re told that Phil Thatcher (played by Paul Martin) was one of California’s most notorious criminals.  Having watched the film, I can only guess that California had an extremely elastic definition of “notorious.”  Phil does commit some crimes.  He steals a lot of things.  He carries a gun with him, though he does mention that he’s never used it.  That said, he’s hardly John Dillinger or Clyde Barrow or Pretty Boy Floyd.  He does manage to escape from a few reform schools but, for the most part, he’s a passive participant in these escapes.  Everyone else does all the work and Phil just kind of goes along for the ride.  For the most part, Phil is a well-mannered thief who had a bad habit of trusting the wrong people.

At one point, Phil mentions that jail felt more like home than his actual home did.  It’s hard not to blame him for feeling that way because every prison in the film is surprisingly clean and pleasant.  Phil does meet one cruel loan shark, a man called Patrino (Richard Moll).  And Phil is forced to break rocks in the sun, though he also gets to hang out with all of his friends while doing so.  Halfway through the film, Phil has a moral reawakening when he reads a bible that was sent to him by his mother.  This leads to Phil abandoning all of his plans to escape from prison and instead, he writes letters to everyone that he’s stolen from and promises to repay them.  Phil says that he’s prepared to finish out his sentence and accept his punishment but has he really changed or has he just realized that the prison is the nicest place in California?

When he’s released on parole, the newly religious Phil is told that he has to find a job or he’ll be sent back to Folsom.  Good luck with that!  Actually, the film brings up an important point about why it’s so hard for some people to stay out of prison.  Making employment a condition of parole and/or probation may sound like a good idea but it’s extremely difficult for someone who has a record to find a job.  That was true in Phil’s day and it’s still true today.  Will Phil be able to find a job or will he be sent back to prison?

Under Arrest is based on a true story.  The real Phil Thatcher not only found a job but also started a prison ministry.  It’s not a bad story but the film itself suffers from low production values and amateurish acting.  As so often happens with films like this, good intentions could not make up for poor execution.  Still, the film does make an important point.  What’s the point of a society locking people up if it’s going to just abandon them once they’re released?

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Gun 1.1 “The Shot”


Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Gun, an anthology series that ran on ABC for six week in 1997.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi!

Produced by filmmaker Robert Altman, Gun was an anthology series that followed one gun from person-to-person.  Each week would feature a new cast and a new story.  The show itself didn’t catch on but, because of Altman’s prestige, is still managed to attract some prominent and interesting guest stars during it’s 6-episode run.

The first episode, for instance, brings the gun together with Daniel Stern, Ed Begley, Jr., and model Kathy Ireland.

Episode 1.1 “The Shot”

(Dir by James Foley, originally aired on April 12th, 1997)

The first episode of Gun opens with an unnamed dumbass purchasing a pearl-handed, .45 semi-automatic pistol.  When he takes it home, his kids are impressed but his wife threatens to kick him out if he ever fires the gun in the house.  Next thing you know, the dumbass is pretending to be Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver and pointing the gun at the television.  The final shoot-out from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly leads to the TV getting shot.  The dumbass returns the gun.  Later, that night, someone breaks into the gun store and steals the gun.

Who stole it?  It turns out that it was just a guy who spends his time holding up convenience stores.  Unfortunately, his next attempt at a convenience store robbery does not go well, largely due to one aggravated customer.  Harvey Hochfelder (Daniel Stern) is already in an agitated state before the robbery even begins.  He just wants to leave Los Angeles for Virginia but, before he can leave, he had to stop off at the slowest convenience store in L.A.  Harvey loses it as soon as he realizes that the robbery is going to mean his escape to Virginia is going to be even further delayed.  When Harvey’s wife (Kathy Baker) enters the store, the robber is startled into first shooting at Harvey and then dropping the gun.  The robber runs outside and tries to steal Harvey’s car, with Harvey’s son and dog in the back seat.  Harvey grabs the gun and chases the robber down.  The robber crashes the car and Harvey holds him at gun point until the police arrive.

Harvey becomes a celebrity.  He even appears on the cover Newsweek, with the simple headline, “American Hero.”  Hollywood wants to make a made-for-TV movie about what happened in the convenience store, with Harvey playing himself and Kathy Ireland playing his wife.

Unfortunately, the friends of the robber are not happy that Harvey “fingered our homie” (yes, that’s actual dialogue) and they decide that they want to get revenge on Harvey.  When they force his car off the road and then pull guns of their own on him, Harvey diffuses the situation by offering them roles the movie.  Everyone wants to be a star!

Finally, the day of filming has arrived.  Under the guidance of the film’s director (Ed Begley, Jr.), Harvey prepares to climb into bed with a lingerie-clad Kathy Ireland….

Suddenly, Harvey is back in the convenience store, getting shot multiple times by the robber and expiring as a security camera records his final moments.  His entire time as a Hollywood star was just a dying fantasy which, honestly, was kind of obvious just by how cartoonish all of the Hollywood scenes were.

Well, as far as first episodes are concerned this was really, really …. bad.  Anthology shows are always a bit hit-and-miss and this episode was definitely almost all miss and no hit.  As good a character actor as he may be, Daniel Stern overacts to such an extent in this episode that it’s difficult to really have much sympathy for Harvey and the episode’s final twist largely fell flat.

The first episode of Gun is an almost entire …. dare I say it? …. misfire.

AMV Of The Day: Haunted House (Various)


It’s October 3rd and that means it’s time for our first horror-filled AMV of the month!  Enjoy!

Song: Neoni — Haunted House

Animes: 0:11 Death Parade 0:16 Angels of Death 0:21 Demon Slayer 0:24 Attack on Titan 0:32 Tokyo Ghoul 0:43 Akame ga Kill! 0:48 Parasyte 0:55 Kakegurui 1:05 High School of The Dead 1:13 Fire Force 1:20 The Future Diary 1:36 Vinland Saga 1:49 Chainsaw Man 2:02 Jujutsu Kaisen 2:06 The Ancient Magus Bride 2:23 Deadman Wonderland

Creator: BAN AMVS (as always, please subscribe to this creator’s channel)

Past AMVs of the Day

Horror on TV: The Hitchhiker 4.4 “Why Are You Here?” (dir by Chris Thomson)


Tonight’s episode of The Hitchhiker is an early example of found footage horror.

Jerry Rulack (played by the star of Midnight Express, Brad Davis, in one of his final performances) is a smarmy TV host who, along with his camera crew, goes from nightclub to nightclub and asks the clubgoers, “Why are you here?”  Eventually, Jerry runs into a rich girl named Donette (Helen Hunt), who turns the question around and leaves Jerry to wonder why he’s there.  Donette and her friends are rich, decadent, and ultimately dangerous.  Eventually, Jerry discovers that there is a price to pay for asking too many stupid questions.  Brad Davis does an adequate Geraldo Rivera impersonation while Helen Hunt seems to be having fun playing someone who literally cares about nothing.  As the Hitchhiker, Page Fletcher is wonderfully judgmental while introducing Jerry and later while considering his fate.

This episode originally aired on March 10th, 1987.

October Hacks: Don’t Go In The Woods …. Alone (dir by James Byran)


Don’t watch this movie …. alone.

Or with a group.

Don’t do it!

Seriously, this is probably going to be the worst and most rushed review that I’ve ever written because I spent 80 minutes watching this film and I really don’t want to spend another 80 writing about it.  First released in 1981, Don’t Go In The Woods …. Alone is the story of a maniac (Tom Drury) who looks like some sort of crazed Barbarian cosplayer and who spends his time hunting people in the Rocky Mountains.  He’ll kill just about anyone that he comes across and he’ll laugh while he does it.  We don’t even find out much about why he’s killing but he certainly seems to enjoy it.  Ten minutes into the film, he’s already killed a woman running in a creek and a bird watcher wearing a bow-tie.

The Rockies are full of campers.  The Maniac takes out a painter.  The Maniac takes out a honeymooning couple who thought it would be a good idea to stop their van in the middle of the woods.  He follows a group of campers.  Craig (James Haydn) is an experienced camper and he gets to utter the film’s title.  His girlfriend (Angie Brown) likes to play surprisingly mean-spirited pranks.  Of course, Craig’s idea of a good time is trap his girlfriend in a sleeping bag and hang her from a tree until she cries uncle.

And then there’s Peter (Jack McClelland), who is not an experienced camper.  Peter is about as close as this film has to a hero but he’s a remarkably unlikable hero.  He spends way too much time screaming and whining and crying.  Peter’s girlfriend is Ingrid (Mary Gail Artz) and she’s the type of girlfriend who screams, “Peter!” while Peter tries to hide from the maniac.

It’s an oddly paced film.  The film really ends around the 50 minute mark but there’s about 30 minutes of filler afterwards which pads out of the film’s running time.  The final third of the film is basically footage of the sheriff and his idiot deputies wandering around the Rockies and talking about how they haven’t been able to find anything.  How have they not been able to find anything?  The Maniac makes absolutely no effort to hide his existence.

It’s poorly acted and terribly written and the cinematography is so dark and grainy that it’s sometimes hard to see what’s happening on the screen.  That said, the film features a lot of blood and I imagine that’s why it has something of a cult following.  This is one of those slasher films where it’s obvious that the majority of the budget went to purchasing fake blood and entrails.  Limbs are cut off.  Blood splatters all across the countryside.  The Maniac is truly savage when he attacks and, if the film itself wasn’t so inept, he would be a truly terrifying character.

Don’t Go In The Woods …. Alone was amongst the film that were banned in the UK for being too violent.  I’ve never understood why the censors felt it would be a good idea to refer to these films as being on the “video nasty list.”  Who wouldn’t want to watch a movie called a video nasty?  In the end, the attempts to ban this film are probably the main reason why the film is still remembered today.  It’s certainly not for the film’s quality.

The TSL Horror Grindhouse: My Friends Need Killing (dir by Paul Leder)


At the start of 1976’s My Friends Need Killing, Gene Kline (Greg Mullavey) and his wife, Laura (Meredith MacRae) lie in bed together.  Gene can’t sleep.  He’s haunted by the sounds of gunfire and explosions and people barking out orders at him.  A Vietnam vet, Gene has been seeing a Dr. MacLaine (Eric Morris) for help with dealing with his wartime PTSD but it hasn’t done him much good.  Without telling Laura, Gene has been sending letters to the former members of his platoon, letting them know that he will soon be visiting them in each of their home cities.  Gene says that he’s just dropping by for a visit but the reality is that Gene has decided that his friends need killing.

Without telling his wife, Gene leaves home in the morning and heads to San Francisco.  While Laura is looking at old pictures of Gene and having flashbacks to their perfect wedding day, Gene is stalking the people with whom he committed an atrocity in Vietnam.  Like Gene, the former members of his platoon have struggled to adjust to returning home.  One lives in Texas, loves to hunt, and brags about how he never thinks about the war.  Another has found work as a trucker.  Another has a nice big house and a pregnant wife and still suffers from flashbacks of his own.  Perhaps the most tragic of Gene’s friends is Les Drago (Roger Cruz), who is now a performance artist and an anti-war activist and who recites Lady MacBeth’s “out damn spot” speech while discussing his activities during the war.

My Friends Need Killing is a short but intense movie.  It may only have a 73-minute running time and a portion of that running time may be taken up with filler but Gene pursues his mission with a relentless and ruthless determination that is ultimately very unsettling to watch.  As played by Greg Mullavey, Gene wanders through the film with the thousand-yard stare of a man who has truly snapped.  Years after the war, he can’t forgive anyone, including himself.  To him, it doesn’t matter that someone like Les returned from Vietnam and decided to dedicate his life to preventing another pointless war.  What matters to Gene is getting vengeance on those who he blames for his sins.  Even though the film makes clear that Gene’s actions are due to his experiences during the war, Gene himself never becomes a sympathetic figure.  He’s too vicious in his murders, even targeting the wife of one of his platoonmates.

Adding to the film’s unsettling and grim atmosphere is the film’s rather ragged editing.  Scenes begin and end abruptly, sometimes in mid-conversation.  Each murder is followed by a shot of an airplane landing in another city as Gene continues his mission.  Scenes of Gene having flashbacks are haphazardly mixed with scenes of Laura and Dr. MacLaine trying to figure out where Gene has disappeared to.  One is tempted to smile at the film’s score, which sounds more appropriate for a 70s cop show than a movie about a murderous vet, but even the score ultimately adds to the film’s off-center feel.  The score feels as out-of-place as the happiness of his friends does to Gene.  My Friends Need Killing ultimately feels like a film about a world that is spiraling out of control.  The film ends on a truly odd note, one that suggests that there is hope for the future, even if there’s no place for Gene in it.

Much like Bob Clark’s Deathdream, My Friends Need Killing suggested that mainstream America would never be ready to fully accept what happened in Vietnam.

Ghost Track (2022, directed by Jason M.J. Brown)


Years ago, a teenager named Morris died when he was run over by a train while five of his friends helplessly watched.  Even though they did not mean for him to die, Morris’s friends grow up feeling guilty.  Years later, all of Morris’s now-adult friends find themselves being stalked by a ghostly presence who slips notes under their door telling them that they are going to die.  Marcus (Adam Probets) thinks that Morris is responsible for the disappearance of the school bus that was carrying his son (along with many other children).  Can Morris’s friends put his soul to rest before he kills all of them?

I will give this movie some credit.  Considering that it wasn’t made for much money, the scenes around the train tracks are effectively shot and feature vivid cinematography.  The inside scenes are too darky lit but the movie looks fine whenever the action moves outside.  Ghost Track also had one good twist towards the end.

For the most part, though, Ghost Track was poorly acted with some of the least convincing death scene that I’ve ever seen.  I think part of the problem is that I never felt like a knew who the characters were either before or after the accident with the train so I never knew how their lives had been effected by Morris’s death.  Plus, the subplot about the missing school bus felt like an unnecessary distraction.  Maybe if we had actually seen the kids on the school bus before it disappeared, it would have been different but instead, the school bus is something that we hear a lot about with really having the context to know what to think about it.

Ghost Track felt like a feature-length version of one of those public information films that the BBC used to air, warning children not to play on the railroad tracks. It’s just not as scary as The Finishing Line.

Retro Television Reviews: Fantasy Island 3.17 “Playgirl/Smith’s Valhalla”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1986.  Almost entire show is currently streaming is on Youtube!

This week, Leslie Nielsen returns to Fantasy Island!

Episode 3.17 “Playgirl/Smith’s Valhalla”

(Dir by Michael Vejar, originally aired on January 26th, 1980)

This week, Tattoo is super excited because one of the guests is Erica Clark (Barbie Benton), a famous centerfold for Rooster Magazine!  Erica, however, no longer models.  As she explains to Mr. Roarke, she grew tired of men treating her as just being a sex object.  Indeed, her fantasy is to be able to treat men the same way!  (Today, of course, Erica could save however much money she spent for the fantasy by simply watching clips of Magic Mike on YouTube.)

In perhaps the simplest fantasy that Mr. Roarke has ever put together, he sends Erica to the Island’s famed Jackrabbit Club, where men dance while women watch.  Again, to be clear, all Mr. Roarke had to do was send her to the island’s version of Chippendales.  I mean, Erica could have just done that on her own.  Anyway, Erica witnesses one of the dancers, Walter Wilde (Fabian Forte), getting fired for refusing to go along with being sexually harassed by one of the women in the audience.  Relating to Walter, his desire to go to medical school, and his life as a single father to Dinah (Heather McAdam), Erica agrees to come out of retirement and pose (in a bikini with a big rooster tail hooked on the back) for the club’s owner, Big Earl Sanderson (Denny Miller).  However, when Big Earl demands that Erica do more than just pose, Walter is there to punch him out.

Anyway, it turns out that Dinah’s fantasy was for Walter to fall in love and Roarke combined her fantasy with Erica’s, presumably to save some money.  So, Erica, Walter, and Dinah leave the island together and I guess Erica learns that …. well, I’m not sure anyone learned anything.  This was a pretty weak fantasy that claimed to be about treating men as sex objects but spent the majority of time looking for excuses to put Barbi Benton in a bikini.  Seriously, Jackrabbit was the tamest male strip club I’ve ever seen.

Meanwhile, the Island finds itself in what should be an international incident after a group of dirty commies hijack a plane and make it land at an abandoned Fantasy Island airport.  The communists say that they are doing this because they have to get people to pay attention to their cause but it’s hard not to notice that there’s next to no media coverage of the events, there are no soldiers or police surrounding the airport, and Mr. Roarke merely shrugs it off.

The only person who does care is Jason Smith (Hugh O’Brian), whose fantasy is to lead a combat mission.  The fantasy becomes personal for Jason when he discovers that his wife (Emily Banks) is one of the hostages!  Mr. Roarke arranges to Jason to work with three combat experts.

Buck Tanner (Sean Garrison) is an explosives expert who suffers from war flashbacks.

“Weasel” Forbes (Charlies Dierkop) is a wild sniper.

And French soldier of fortune Emile Bouvier is …. LESLIE NIELSEN!

Yes, this episode of Fantasy Island features Leslie Nielsen is one of the last of his “serious” roles, playing a French mercenary by wearing a red beret and not even attempting an accent.  Bouver is tough and no-nonsense, as we learn when he catches Buck drinking on the job.

Anyway, Jason is able to rescue his wife and the other hostages and the communists are all arrested and hopefully sacrificed to the Fantasy Island mermaid.  Bouvier sacrifices his life to save Jason’s but Mr. Roark explains that it was no big deal because Bouvier was dying anyways and his fantasy was to end his life doing something heroic.  Once again, it appears that Mr. Roarke saved some money by combining fantasies.  Was Fantasy Island feeling the effects of the Carter recession?  Perhaps.

Other than Leslie Nielsen playing a serious role, probably the most interesting thing about this episode is that Mr. Roarke and Tattoo barely spoke to each other over the course of it.  There was none of the usual comedic banter or anything like that.  Indeed, even in the scenes greeting and saying goodbye to their guests, Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize refused to every look at each other.  Obviously, it wasn’t all happy days on Fantasy Island.

Horror Scenes That I Love: Doug Bradley Makes His Debut As Pinhead in Hellraiser


Born in Liverpool, actor Doug Bradley is a longtime personal friend to author Clive Barker and appeared in Barker’s short film Salome, playing the role of King Herod.  When Barker was making his feature directorial debut with 1987’s Hellraiser and he needed someone to play the head Cenobite, he turned once again to Bradley and the result was one of the most iconic horror characters of all time.

While the Cenobites may have all had disturbing physical features, what truly made them frightening was their arrogant disdain for anyone who was foolish enough to summon them.  Bradley perfectly portrayed Pinhead’s haughty arrogance, starting with his very first appearance in Hellraiser.

When Bradley as Pinhead says, “We’ll tear your soul apart,” the viewer has no doubt that he means every word of it.

Horror Book Review: Haunted by R.L. Stine


First published in 1990, Haunted tells the story of Melissa, a teenager who would seem to have the perfect life.

No only does she come from a wealthy family and live in a nice, big house that is located right in the middle of Fear Street but Melissa is also a popular student at Shadyside High and she has a boyfriend named Buddy.  Plus, she’s just celebrated her birthday and, as a present, she got a brand new car!  The only thing that Melissa really has to worry about is the possibility of her house being broken into by the elusive Fear Street Prowler and the fact that a bitter ghost named Paul keeps materializing in front of her and claiming that she killed him and he’s come back from the dead to get revenge.  Paul is not only a revenge-seeking ghost but he also taunts Melissa for being rich.  Perhaps the only thing worse than being haunted is by being haunted by a ghost from the lower classes.  I mean, seriously, I don’t even want to think about it….

(Usual disclaimer: I do NOT believe in ghosts.)

Melissa is not only annoyed by Paul’s bad manners but also by the fact that he claims that she killed him when she has absolutely no memory of who he is.  In fact, when she does some simple research to see if anyone recently killed Paul, she discovers that no one named Paul has been murdered recently.  Paul himself admits that his memory is a little bit fuzzy, as well.  Accusing someone of murdering you when you’re really not sure isn’t a cool thing to do, Paul.  Stupid ghost.

Then, one night, Melissa sees Paul hanging out with his other less-than-wealthy friends.  Only, this Paul is alive and he’s even more of a jerk than his ghost!  Melissa realizes that Paul’s ghost is from the future and  that therefore, Paul has not died yet but will and apparently, she’s going to be the one responsible!  But how can that be when Ghost Paul is turning out to be not that bad and actually kind of sweet?

(Myself, I’m more concerned with how Living Paul and Ghost Paul both existing at the same time seems like one of those things that would cause the universe to split open or something.  I mean, it just doesn’t seem right.)

This is one of R.L. Stine’s stranger books.  The plot doesn’t really make much sense but you have to kind of admire the fact that Stine just went with it and didn’t even bother to try to make any of it seem plausible.  Sometimes, it’s best just to embrace the silliness of it all and that’s what Stine does here.  The book’s attempts to deal with class differences were fairly shallow but then again, when you’re a teenager, you’re always at you’re most shallow when talking about who is rich and who is poor so, on that level, Stine did a good job writing for his target audience.  The important thing is that Melissa was a relatable and sympathetic character and she definitely deserved a less petulant ghost.