Dracula vs. LBJ: Who Would Win?


For my final President Elect simulation of this year’s horrorthon, I decided to see what would happen if, in 1964, Dracula had been the Republican nominee against LBJ.  I had already discovered that Dracula would have easily defeated both Frankenstein’s Monster and Jimmy Carter in a presidential election.  Would he be able to do the same with LBJ?

In the real world, LBJ easily defeated the Republican nominee, Barry Goldwater.  LBJ benefitted from public sympathy for the Kennedy family and also from a brutally negative campaign that portrayed Goldwater as being a war monger.  Johnson won 61% of the popular vote and he carried 44 states (and DC).  Goldwater won only 38% of the popular vote and carried only 6 states (5 in the Deep South and his home state of Arizona).  At the time, Goldwater’s defeat was portrayed as being the end of the Republican Party.  Instead, Goldwater’s losing campaign set the foundations that would later lead to election of Ronald Reagan in the 80s.

How would Dracula have done against LBJ?  Would Dracula, with his superb speaking skills and his hypnotic magnetism, have been able to defeat LBJ despite the incumbent’s strengths?

According to President Elect, LBJ would have still won if Dracula had been the nominee but the election would have been much closer, as far as the popular vote was concerned.  During the simulation, Dracula was such a strong candidate that LBJ even debated him twice.  Dracula won both times but LBJ was still able to hold his own.  If LBJ had made a serious gaffe during the debate, the election would have turned out differently.  It was a risk but it was a risk that paid off for Johnson.

The first results of election night tells the story:

Though Johnson easily won the District of Columbia, the rest of the states were much closer.  Dracula did well in the South and in the west.  Johnson did well in the North and the Industrial Midwest.  It was Iowa that put him over the top.

In the end, Dracula carried 18 states while Johnson won the other 32 (and D.C.).

(In President Elect, the Republican states are colored blue while the Democratic states are red. It took me a while to get used to it too.)

Against Dracula, Johnson still scored an electoral landslide but the popular vote was much closer.

So, if you’re ever wondering which President could have defeated Dracula, the answer is Lyndon B. Johnson.

And Ronald Reagan.  But you already knew that.

Retro Television Reviews: Hang Time 2.3 “Harvest Moon” and 2.4 “The Sure Thing”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Hang Time, which ran on NBC from 1995 to 2000.  The entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Season 2 continues with the search for victory on the court and love off of it!

Episode 2.3 “Harvest Moon”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 21st, 1996)

It’s time for the Harvest Moon dance, which I guess is an Indiana thing.  Danny is all excited because Sam is going to be coming home from college so that she can attend the dance with him.  But then Sam sends Danny a letter, telling him that she’s fallen in love with an anthropology student and that they are heading down to Mexico!  Danny gets whiny, which is kind of annoying to watch.  Honestly, why would you want to date someone in high school when you’re in college?

Anyway, Danny gets a rebound date with girl named Veronica.  Veronica has red hair, just like Sam.  Amy even mistakes Veronica for Sam, despite the fact that Amy wasn’t even on the show last season.  Everyone talks about how much Veronica looks like Sam while Veronica is standing right there.  It’s kind of rude.

Meanwhile, Teddy DJ’s the dance while Julie and Josh find excuses to abandon their dates and dance with each other.  Vince and Mary Beth also end up poking fun at each other’s dates and then they end up soulfully staring at each other when Teddy announces the last dance, which leads me to worry that Vince and Mary Beth are going to become a couple.  Don’t do it, Mary Beth!  You deserve better!

Danny steals the team bus and tries to drive it to Chicago.  For some reason, Julie and Josh go with him.  They talk him out of driving to Chicago and then they kiss while Danny drive them back to Indiana.  So, Danny is heart-broken but at least Julie and Josh are happy.

Finally, during the dance, another real-life basketball player drops by to visit with Coach Fuller.  I have no idea who the guy was but the audience went crazy as soon as he showed up.  Fuller, however, kicked him out of the gym for scuffing the floor.

Josh and Julie seems like they’ll be a cute couple and I guess I should accept that the Mary Beth/Vince thing is going to happen because opposites attract.  Danny is now single and kind of whiny so hopefully, that will only last episode or two.  As far as school dance episodes go, this one could have really used either the Zack Attack or the California Dreams.

Episode 2.4 “The Sure Thing”

(Directed by Patrick Maloney, originally aired on September 28th, 1996)

The Tornadoes have lost six straight games so Fuller demands that the members of his team carry basketballs around with them everywhere that they go.  If that doesn’t work, I guess the season’s over and Fuller’s out of a job.

Teddy is more concerned about asking out Tracy, the new cheerleader.  However, as Teddy explains to his new friends, he’s never asked a girl out before because he’s always been “the fat kid who is everybody’s friend” and you know what?  Anthony Anderson totally sells it!  “You don’t know what it’s like to ask someone out and have them laugh and then you have to laugh too!” Anderson says at one point and my heart was totally breaking for him.  Seriously, watching this episode, you fully understand why Anderson went on to have the busiest career of the many actors who appeared on this show.

Vince and Danny decide to help Teddy out by stalking Tracy and discovering everything that she’s interested so that Teddy will feel confident talking to her.  Couldn’t Teddy just mention that, as was established during the first episode of the second season, his father is an NBA superstar and probably has a lot money?  That’d be a good icebreaker.

Meanwhile, Josh and Julie are dating but Josh is tired of the cutesy way Julie talks to him.  I don’t blame him as, up until this point, there’s been absolutely nothing about Julie’s personality that suggests she would talk to her boyfriend in baby talk.  Eventually, Julie reveals that she’s only been talking that way because she thought Josh liked it and she actually hates doing it as much as Josh hates hearing it.

During this week’s game, the Tornadoes are losing but Teddy finally asks out Tracy and gets the confidence he needs to lead the team to a comeback victory.  Yay!  It was kind of sweet.

Horror Scenes I Love: The Ending of A Field in England


For my final scene that I love of this year’s horrorthon, I’m going with the trippy conclusion of 2013’s A Field In England.  A Field in England is one of the best films of the past ten years and I will never stop encouraging people to see it and discover its mysteries for themselves.

This scene may seem strange when viewed without context.  It’s even stranger when viewed with context.

Horror Film Review: King of the Lost World (dir by Leigh Scott)


Produced by the Asylum, this 2005 film opens with a plane crashing on a remote island.  The plane splits apart on impact, leaving the back part of the plane on the beach and the cockpit lost somewhere in the jungle.  With the reluctant help of the mysterious Lt. Challenger (Bruce Boxleitner), the survivors attempt to find the cockpit and a way to radio for help.  What they discover is that the island is not only crawling with dinosaurs and giant bugs but there’s also a really big ape lumbering about.  There are also natives, who want to sacrifice the survivors to the ape.  Apparently, a sacrifice a day keeps the ape away, which is something that’s good to know if you ever find yourself stranded on an unchartered isle.

This may sound a lot like King Kong and, definitely, the film did borrow more than a little from both those films and Jurassic Park.  However, King of the Lost World has even more in common with TV show Lost.  The scenes of the survivors on the beach and often feel as if they were lifted from the show’s pilot.  (And let’s not forget that a lot of the pilot’s action actually did center around trying to find where the plane’s cockpit had ended up.)  Lt. Challenger, who carries a mysterious briefcase with him and who refuses to explain the full details of why he’s on the island, feels like he could have been one of the enigmatic Others.  Technically, though, the film is actually an adaption of Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World, which one of a series of novels that Doyle wrote about Professor Challenger and his adventures as an explorer.  Prof, Challenger, it should be said, was a bit more of a sympathetic character than Lt. Challenger.

Unfortunately, King of the Lost World doesn’t really live up to any of its influences.  The giant ape and the dinosaurs are all neat in their cheap but goofy way but they are also barely in the movie.  Instead, the majority of the movie is about people wandering through the forest and arguing about whether or not they should go left or right.  When the survivors get captured by the natives, there is a slightly fun sequence where two of them get hypnotized and “go native” but even that’s only interesting for a scene or two.  If a movie promises a giant ape, it needs to deliver the giant ape for more than a minute at the start and five minutes at the end.

Usually, I am proud and not at all ashamed to defend the Asylum and their low-budget mockbusters but King of the Lost World is not one of their better films.  The movie ended with a hint of a possible sequel but, as far as I know, it never happened.  Fortunately, even if King of the Lost World didn’t lead to a franchise, the Asylum would go on to give us the Sharknado films and a lot of other fun movies as well.

Possession (dir. by Andrzej Zulawski)


After finally watching Warner Herzog’s Nosferatu some years ago, I got into an Isabelle Adjani kick. I found out about Andrzej Zulawski’s Possession via Twitter, and considered picking it up. However, the only copy available at the time on Amazon was the Mondo Vision Special Edition, which clocked in at almost $175 dollars. I haven’t seen a movie priced so high since my Aunt purchased the VHS version of Conan the Barbarian when it was first released at around $80.

Thankfully, Metrograph has the film on rotation in part of their movies at home service since last year. I’ve watched it a few times since it was made available, and perhaps it’s why Titane didn’t bother me as much is it did others. I felt truly uncomfortable with Possession, and it’s not an easy recommendation. I’m not sure I’d refer to it a horror film. It’s more of a supernatural drama, but by the end of it, you may find yourself wanting to wash your eyes out. I guess maybe the closest films I could compare Possession to are Marriage Story and Blue Valentine, but with some darker elements.

I should a moment to warn you now. Possession contains elements of nudity, abuse, creature sex and even a miscarriage. The film was originally banned in the United Kingdom as part of a movement to corral more extreme content in cinema. Films like Faces of Death, Tenebrae, The Evil Dead, Mother’s Day (which my older brother owned), Shogun Assassin and even Suspiria were once on a watch list to be seized if their videos were owned by anyone. This was done under the notion that the content of the films were either offensive or could corrupt the minds of anyone (children, in particular) watching it.

Possession is the story of Anna (Adjani) and Mark (Sam Neill, Thor: Ragnarok). Having recently arrived home from working abroad as an Operative, Mark suspects that Anna is cheating on him. She has found someone else, and it proves to be a major rift in their already damaged relationship. Add to this their son, Bob, and it just grows more complicated. When Mark confronts Heinrich (Heinz Bennent), one of Anna’s lovers, it doesn’t go well for Mark. Try as he might to make amends with Anna, she simply doesn’t feel anything for him anymore or rather, her new relationship is too much to let go. Mark’s attempts to reconcile aren’t exactly working in his favor, as he moves from constant questioning to outright violence in some cases. Mark isn’t exactly innocent either, considering that he’s grown fond of Helen, Bob’s school teacher (also played by Adjani) and reluctantly spends some quiet time with his annoying neighbor, Margit (Margit Carstensen, Martha).

Eventually, Mark hires an investigator (Carl Duering) to follow Anna and track down her lover. The detective manages to find Anna living in a run down building. He discovers who (and more importantly, what) she’s been sleeping with, which prompts Anna to kill him. As curiosity grows over Anna’s new relationship, Heinrich checks in on Anna, only to be attacked. Heinrich returns to Mark for assistance, which leads to some strange events in the last half hour.

Although the film is about 2 hours and 4 minutes, it does takes a while to get to where it needs to go. I’ll admit to having moments of wondering just what was going on, as the film felt like it was looping in circles. Mark wants Anna, Anna hates Mark. Mark loves Bob, so does Anna. Once the detective comes into the picture, things pick up a bit. There’s also a miscarriage sequence that was hard to watch. If you can handle it, so be it, but for me, it was definitely a “What the hell?” moment.

Possession‘s special effects were created by Carlo Rambaldi, who also went on to work on E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial. The creature in the movie is somewhat menacing in its various forms, with tentacles slithering. I would have loved to see the audience reaction to it on screen. Possession was a hard film to make for both Sam Neill and Isabell Adjani. Supposedly, the movie caused Adjani so much stress that it was rumored she attempted suicide. Neill also had issues working in the film and according to Wikipedia, he considered it one of the “most extreme film” he ever made. It truly shows throughout the movie. Both actors push at each other like an angry married couple, and the interactions between the two are the real shocking elements of Possession. You have thrown chairs, tons of screaming and fighting.

Overall, Possession is a film that isn’t a required watch, but I was curious about the ban behind it. It has some strong and wild performances by both Sam Neill and Isabelle Adjani. Adjani’s performance would win her the Best Actress at Cannes, and was well deserved. It’s almost an out of body experience, for the most part.

Horror Film Review: Terror at London Bridge (dir by E.W. Swackhamer)


On a foggy London night in 1888, the shadowy killer known as Jack the Ripper is pursued by a combination of police and citizens.  Cornered and facing certain execution if captured, Jack jumps off of London Bridge and disappears into the murky waters of the Thames.

Jump forward to the late 80s.  London Bridge has been transported, brick-by-brick, to a town in Arizona and it now serves as a somewhat tacky tourist attraction.  Unfortunately, it turns out that Jack the Ripper’s spirt is inside in the bricks and transporting the bridge has also transported Jack.  Considering that Jack died in the Thames, I’m not really sure why his spirit will still be trapped in the bricks of the bridge.  It seems like his spirit should still be in the river but whatever.  Let’s just go with it.  One tourist accidentally cuts her finger while walking across the bridge.  Her blood hits the wrong brick and suddenly, Jack the Ripper is alive and killing in Arizona!  Can the murders be stopped before they interfere with the tourist season!?

Only Detective Don Gregory (David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff) thinks that Jack the Ripper has returned to life.  His captain (Clu Gulager) doesn’t believe him.  The sleazy city councilamn (Lane Smith) doesn’t believe him.  His potential girlfriend, Angie (Stepfanie Kramer), has doubts about Don’s theory.  His own partner (Randolph Mantooth) doesn’t buy it.  Even Angie’s best friend, a librarian named Lynn (Adrienne Barbeau), doesn’t think that there’s any connection between Jack the Ripper and the handsome Englishman (Paul Rossilli) who has recently been stopping by the library and flirting with her.

And really, why would anyone believe Don?  His theory makes no sense, even if it does turn out to be true.  Indeed, Don is remarkably quick to accept the idea of Jack the Ripper traveling through time.  Of course, what also doesn’t make sense is the city council’s refusal to shut down the bridge until the killer’s been caught.  It’s the tourist season but seriously, it seems like a serial killer — whether he’s Jack the Ripper or not — would be bad for business!

This 1985 movie was made for television.  The premise is intriguing but the execution is a real let-down.  It’s a 90 minute film and the Hoff doesn’t really seem to get serious about trying to hunt down Jack the Ripper until 60 minutes in.  This is the odd Jack the Ripper film in which the Ripper is often treated as an afterthought.  Instead, the majority of the film is taken up with Don flirting with Angie and trying to come to terms with an accidental shooting that occurred when Don was a cop in Chicago.  The whole Jack the Ripper subplot is almost treated like a red herring, which is an odd way to treat a 19 century villain who can travel through time.  I mean, sometimes, romance has to wait until the time-traveling serial killer has been taken care of.  It’s all about priorities.

In the end, this one is for hardcore Hasselhoff fans only.  Those who want to watch a Jack the Ripper time traveling movie would be better served by watching Time After Time, featuring David Warner as the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell as H.G. Wells.

Horror Film Review: Cyborg Cop (dir by Sam Firstenberg)


In this 1993 film, John Rhys-Davies plays Professor Kissel.  The professor is a mad scientist with a German accent who has taken over a small island in the Caribbean.  From his compound, he has developed a process by which he can turn anyone into a cyborg!  The cyborgs follow his orders and …. well, it’s never quite clear what exactly Professor Kissel plans to do with the cyborgs.  I guess he just wants to keep them around so that they can do random evil things.

DEA agent Philip Ryan is captured by Kissel and transformed into one of those cyborgs!  However, Philip has a brother named Jack (played by martial artist David Bradley).  Jack used to work for the government until he was disillusioned when one of his investigations went terribly wrong.  However, Jack is willing to come out of retirement to save his brother.  Teaming up with a journalist named Cathy (Alonna Shaw), Jack infiltrates Kissel’s compound and battles the cyborgs.  Along the way, Cathy falls in love with Jack.  I’m not sure why that happens as Jack tends to be a bit surly and self-absorbed.  Indeed, he and Cathy somehow manage to have not just zero but less than zero romantic chemistry.

Does this movie sound dumb?  Well, that’s because it was pretty dumb.  It was directed by Sam Firstenberg, who directed the first two American Ninja films.  And it stars David Bradley, who starred in the last three American Ninja films.  The American Ninjas were fun but Cyborg Cop just kind of drags.  A huge part of the problem is that David Bradley was a good martial artist but he was a less than impressive actor.  Seeing as how Jack is trying to save his brother from being turned into an emotionless robot, Cyborg Cop calls for a bit more acting than the American Ninja films did.  Unfortunately, it’s hard to make a film about human emotions when your lead actor isn’t capable of showing them.  It doesn’t help that Jack is written as being someone who is always in a rather foul mood.  Also, from the minute he lands in the islands, he wears a fanny pack around his waist and it just looks so utterly ridiculous.  It’s hard to take a fight seriously when one of the combatants is wearing a leather fanny pack.  The other big issue is that it takes forever to actually get to the cyborg action.  For some reason, the film tries to generate some suspense about what Kissel’s plan is, despite the fact that the word “cyborg” is right there in the title!

On the plus side, the film does feature John Rhys-Davies playing a mad scientist and he’s just the type of cheerfully theatrical actor who can do justice to the role of someone who spends most of his time ranting about how much smarter he is than everyone else in the world.  Rhys-Davies, who is best known for playing Indiana Jones’s friend Sallah and for playing both Gimili and the talking tree in The Lord of the Rings, appears to have had a lot of fun as Prof. Kissel and it’s fun to watch him in the role.  This is a case where most people watching the film will proudly cheer for the bad guy because the bad guy is so much more entertaining than the good guy.

Cyborg Cop somehow led to two sequels.  The work is never done.

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022


4 Or More Shots From 4 Or More Films is just what it says it is, 4 shots from 4 of our favorite films. As opposed to the reviews and recaps that we usually post, 4 Shots From 4 Films lets the visuals do the talking!

This October, I’m going to be doing something a little bit different with my contribution to 4 (or more) Shots From 4 (or more) Films.  I’m going to be taking a little chronological tour of the history of horror cinema, moving from decade to decade.

Today, we conclude by taking a look at 2020, 2021, and 2022!

8 Shots From 8 Horror Films: 2020 — 2022

A Quiet Place Part II (2020, dir by John Krasinski, DP: Polly Morgan)

The Invisible Man (2020, dir by Leigh Wannell;, DP: Stefan Duscio)

Army of the Dead (2021, dir by Zack Snyder, DP: Zack Snyder)

Halloween Kills (2021, dir by David Gordon Green, DP: Michael Simmonds)

The Black Phone (2022, dir by Scott Derrickson. DP: Brett Jutkiewicz)

Smile (2022, dir by Parker Finn, DP: Charlie Sarroff)

Nope (2022, dir by Jordan Peele, DP: Hoyte van Hoytema)

X (2022, dir by Ti West, DP: Eliot Rockett)

Close Your Eyes, Review by Case Wright


Happy Halloween, once again my friends! I know many of you read my posts for the extremes. Really, who cares about the 3 Star Amazon Reviews?! It’s all about the love or the rage. This short did not scare me, but the writer and director has some talent. There’s actually no writer listed; so, it fits that it felt like improv. The story has a beginning, middle, and end. It is satisfying. Although this is a middle of the road short, come on keep reading because my last post helped you avoid Space Herpes! You owe me!!!

Vincent and Martin are roommates. Vincent sees his roommate sleepwalking and figures why not talk to him? I’m not sure what he expected of his half-asleep roommate, but apparently he’s communicating with an evil spirit with serious OCD. The half-asleep Martin has his ear against the door and says that “She will tell you secrets if I listen at the door.” Vincent tries it, ah….Martin corrects him- “you have to close your eyes.” My first response would be: Why the F#@& do I have to take orders from some ASMR whispering cretin in my own GD house- you melatonin addict?! I get the wanting to communicate with other side, but what’s with all the pre-requisites?! I’ve already had Differential Equations; so, tell your Evil Spirit Guidance Counselor to go #&*% and other various Q-Bert symbols!

I’m gonna spoil this a little because…. you know what you did! Vincent runs into the monster in the kitchen and she’s… super bendy and naked, which I guess is scary. I’d just be like take your best shot; you-not-showered-for-a-week-orthopedic-nightmare-somehow-forever-damp-naked- #$^& B@!! She’s obviously got bone issues. You have the greater reach!

He does pick up a guitar and try to fight, but defeats him with …… ASMR?! Is she reciting Goodnight Moon?

One note, what’s with the Darkness?! I can barely see what’s happening in films now with the lighting so low?! I’m not sure if he dies here or if she’s just a close talker. In any case, the film’s over and it basically is an ad for getting a deadbolt.

Halloween Through The Years


Happy Halloween!

The first Halloween film came out in 1978.  The latest came out this year.  Over the years, there have been many Halloween film posters.  Each one provides a look at what the film was about and also what the current trends were in horror.

Here’s a look at Halloween through the years.

The first Halloween poster emphasizes the knife and the muscular hand that is gripping the knife.  One subtle effect is that the indented ridges of the pumpkin also serves as motion lines for the hand.

1978

The second and third Halloween posters continue the first posters emphasis on the holiday.  Both also playfully continue the theme of the “the night he came home.”  The third poster says, “The night no one comes home.”  Again, the posters are more about promising scares than emphasizing who is starring in the movie.

1981

1982

The posters for the next three Halloweens announced that the killer was the star of the show by putting the emphasis squarely on Michael.

1988

1989

1995

The next two Halloweens featured posters that owed much to the posters for Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer.  Michael is still present on the posters but more emphasis is given to the actors playing his potential victims.

1998

2002

The posters for the Rob Zombie Halloweens emphasize Michael and his brutal nature.  With these posters, the emphasis is firmly shifted back to Michael.

2007

2009

Finally, the last three Halloween posters feature close-ups of Michael and Jamie Lee Curtis, emphasizing the character-based approach that the films took to the story.

2018

2021

2022