Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.13 “Midnight Waltz/Let Them Eat Cake”

Posted on April 22, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing the original Fantasy Island, which ran on ABC from 1977 to 1984. Unfortunately, the show has been removed from most streaming sites. Fortunately, I’ve got nearly every episode on my DVR.

This week, Roarke is in the director’s chair!

Episode 6.13 “Midnight Waltz/Let Them Eat Cake”

(Dir by Ricardo Montalban, originally aired on February 12th, 1983)

Adele Anthony (Adrienne Barbeau) is a hard-working waitress whose fantasy is to be a queen for the weekend. Mr. Roarke asks her if there’s a country that she would like to rule over. Adele shrugs and says that she’s always liked France. Mr. Roarke has her shoot an arrow and suddenly, Adele Anthony is …. MARIE ANTOINETTE!

Yes, the same Marie Antoinette who was beheaded during the French Revolution.

Like, seriously, Mr. Roarke ….. she couldn’t have been any other queen? I’m not really sure why Mr. Roarke decided to do this to Adele, who is probably about a saintly a guest as has ever visited Fantasy Island. Occasionally, Roarke will use the fantasies to teach someone a lesson but Adele really hasn’t done anything to justify being beheaded.

Fortunately, Adele isn’t beheaded. It turns out that Marie Antoinette was saved from the guillotine by Francois (Patrick Wayne), a leader of the revolution who was shocked to discover that the Queen was not as heartless as he had been led to believe and that she had actually been framed by her husband, Louis (James Coco) and Louis’s mistress, Baroness La Rue (Cathryn Damon). Indeed, all Marie Antoinette did was suggest that the cake that the royals were going to have for desert should be given to the citizens, along with a lot of other food. Louis spread the story that Marie Antoinette had said, “Let them eat cake.”

So, Marie Antoinette (and Adele) survives! Meanwhile, Louis is dragged off to be beheaded. Except, it turns out that Louis was just having a fantasy as well. Louis is actually Mr. Willaker, who runs the Fantasy Island car towing service. In lieu of paying him for his services, Roarke gave him a fantasy in which he was beheaded. The episode ends with Willaker towing away Tattoo’s car.

Meanwhile, John Cook (Lew Ayres) is a widower who wants to have one last dance with his wife, Carol (played, in ghost form, by Rosemary DeCamp). However, John meets and falls in love with Martha Wilson (Jane Wyatt) and instead dances with her. Carol approves, saying that she doesn’t want John to spend the rest of his days in mourning. It’s a pretty simple fantasy but you know what? It still brought tears to my eyes and I still smiled at the end of it. A lot of that is due to the Lew Ayres, one of the great actors of Golden Age Hollywood. Ayres gives such a sincere and downright sweet performance that it’s impossible not to get swept up in his fantasy.

This was a good episode. I’m still not sure that Adele needed to become Marie Antoinette but the last dance fantasy made up for a lot. It was just so sweet! This was the second (and last) episode of the series to be directed by Ricardo Montalban and he did a great job.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.17 “E.M.T.”

Posted on April 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing CHiPs, which ran on NBC from 1977 to 1983. The entire show is currently streaming on Prime!

This week, Ponch and Baker go to school!

Episode 3.17 “E.M.T.”

(Dir by Phil Bondelli, originally aired on January 19th, 1980)

Thinking that it will be an easy class and a chance to meet female college students, Ponch convinces Baker to attend a special EMT course at UCLA. Ponch also thinks that they’ll get paid overtime for taking the class but it turns out that he didn’t read the fine print. No one gets paid for going to the class. Oh well. At least he and Baker will get a chance to relax, right? Nope! The instructor, Michael Adams (played by veteran screen bad guy William Smith), is someone who Ponch and Baker earlier stopped for a minor traffic violation. He takes an immediate dislike to Ponch and Baker and basically spends the entire class accusing them of just wanting to show off. And, considering everything that we know about Ponch, he’s probably right.

Michael Adams is bitter because his son, Warren (Pat Petersen), was in an accident and, due to the cops not knowing how to handle someone with a spinal injury, Warren now has to use crutches to get around. Michael is so bitter that he almost seems to be embarrassed by his son’s disability. Boo, Michael, boo! Seriously, what an unlikable creep. And yet, I get the feeling that we’re supposed to understand and respect Michael, even if he is a jerk. Part of the problem is that William Smith was one of those actors who always came across as being naturally sinister. Smith played a lot of bikers and corrupt cops over the course of his career. He was someone who just looked menacing and perpetually annoyed. In this episode, I kept expecting him to try to kill Baker and Ponch. Don’t get me wrong. William Smith was a good actor but, in this episode, he just seems miscast.

Ponch and Baker do put their training to good use, especially when a makeshift cave collapses on two boys who were using it as a hideout. Ponch and Baker also use their skills to save a man who fell out of a truck. In one of those weird coincidences on which CHiPs thrived, Ponch and Baker just happened to be hang gliding nearby when the accident with the truck happened. Oh, Jon and Ponch! Don’t ever let anyone say that you guys spend way too much time together.

(Seriously, does Baker have no friends outside of the police force? At least Ponch seems to know his neighbors.)

Eventually, Ponch and Baker win Michael over, especially when Michael himself needs to be rescued. Later, they visit Michael in the hospital and everyone has a good laugh as the end credits roll. Good for them! As for this episode, I actually liked getting to see Ponch and Baker doing something other than riding their motorcycles on the highway. To me, this show’s main worth is as a time capsule and this episode allowed us all to see what UCLA was like back in 1980. It was pretty nice!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 4.1 “Contempt of Court”

Posted on April 21, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989. The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, the fourth season begins with a whimper.

Episode 4.1 “Contempt of Court”

(Dir by Jan Eliasberg, originally aired on September 25th, 1987)

It’s time for season 4! Crockett has longer hair! Tubbs has a beard! Otherwise, they’re still somehow doing the undercover thing, despite making no effort to maintain their undercover identities. This episode finds them both in court and, later on, pulling their guns on a mob boss in broad daylight. How exactly there is anybody in Miami who does not know that Burnett and Cooper are actually Crockett and Tubbs, I do not know.

This was kind of a boring episode, which does not bode well for the rest of the fourth season. Mob boss Frank Mosca (Stanley Tucci) is on trial but, because the case hinges on information supplied by an informant, Crockett is faced with making the decision about whether or not to name Jack Rivers (Steven Keats) as the informer. For Jack’s own safety, Crockett refuses but Mosca figures it out anyway. Jack is stabbed to death while a helpless Crockett watches. (Crockett’s in jail on a contempt of court charge.) Later, Jack’s teenage son, Terry (Richard Panebianco), tells Crockett, “I had no idea you were a cop.” Really? What a stupid kid.

Anyway, after Mosca frames a juror for taking bribes and a mistrial is declared, Terry pulls a gun on Mosca as he and his men are walking out of the courthouse. For once, Crockett and Tubbs are able to convince someone not to open fire. I think this is the first time, in Miami Vice history, that Crockett and Tubbs have managed to prevent an assassination. Still, Terry does fire his gun in the air. Mosca smirks and leaves. What’s weird is that no one else reacts to Terry shooting he gun. I mean, he’s on the steps of the courthouse. Why are there no guards rushing out? Why are Crockett and Tubbs the only cops around? Seriously, it makes absolutely no sense.

This episode had some worthy guest stars. Stanley Tucci appeared to be having fun as the cartoonishly evil Mosca. Meg Foster played the district attorney. Philip Baker Hall was the judged who ordered Crockett to name the informant. That said, the episode itself got bogged down in all of the legal wrangling going on inside the courtroom. For the past three seasons, Miami Vice is a downbeat cop show, not a show about lawyers objecting and debating the point of law. The fourth season premiere felt off.

I’ve read bad things about this upcoming season and this episode did little to generate any feeling of optimism or hope. Both Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas looked bored and even Edward James Olmos’s Castillo is starting to get a little …. I guess annoying would be the world. Seriously, make eye contact with someone!

Well, we’ve got a long season ahead of us. Let’s hope for the best.

Lisa Marie’s Retro Television Reviews Will Return On Monday

Posted on April 17, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Hi, everyone! I am visiting with family for the next few days. My retro television reviews will return on Monday!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 1.13 “All Jammed Up”

Posted on April 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network! It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

This week, season one comes to an end!

Episode 1.13 “All Jammed Up”

(Dir by Ronald Victor Garcia, originally aired on May 25th, 1996)

Here we are at the end of the first season of the show and both Pacific Blue and Tim Palmero’s bicycle squad are still struggling to justify their existence.

There’s a couple of thieves robbing people who are stuck in traffic. The thieves ride bicycles. You can literally see Palermo light up as he realizes that he’s finally run into a criminal who can reasonably be subdued by his bike patrol. Of course, it still takes them forever to catch the guy. Whenever the bike criminal would escape and Palermo or TC would say, “We’ll get him next time,” I was reminded of Mike Brady trying to sell his terrible architectural designs in The Brady Bunch Movie and assuring his desperate boss that the next client would definitely want their gas station or restaurant to look just like the Brady house.

Meanwhile, Chris and and Cory go undercover as escorts in order to catch an arms dealer who is staying at a hotel and who has a thing for sex workers. Chris is not happy with assignment and complains about it. Normally, I would agree because it really is a degrading assignment. (The arms dealers can be identified only by a tattoo on his behind.) But Chris whines about everything so I have to admit that I didn’t have as much sympathy as I should have had.

Cory, along with her undercover work, is upset because her boyfriend (Ken Olandt) refuses to tell his parents that she’s a bike cop. Her boyfriend’s father was played by Robert Pine, the sergeant from CHiPs. That was amusing.

Meanwhile, Elvis wants to ask someone out. TC gives him advice and, in a nod to Cyrano, tells Elvis what to say. Hey, TC — there’s a crime wave going on! Or maybe you didn’t notice….

This was a pretty pointless way to end the season but …. eh, it’s Pacific Blue. It’s pretty much what I was expecting from this show. This first season was pretty bad. I can’t really think of a single episode that didn’t get on my nerves in some way. Way too much time was spent this season on people saying, “They ride bikes?” Yes, they ride bikes. They look stupid and I would be kind of angry if I was the victim of a crime and any of these losers showed up but at some point, both the show and the audience will have to accept that it is what it is. The show is about cops on bicycles. Every episode during the first season seemed to be designed to make us go, “Okay, they’re real cops!” But if you’re still having to convince the audience of that thirteen episodes in, it’s a problem.

Oh well. Season 2 starts next week!

Retro Television Review: Fantasy Island 6.12 “The Tallowed Image/Room and Bard”

Posted on April 15, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, William Shakespeare comes to the Island! Smiles, everyone, smile!

Episode 6.12 “The Tallowed Image/Room and Bard”

(Dir by Carl Kugel, originally aired on January 29th, 1983)

This week, we have another two fantasies and, interestingly enough, they both involve time travel.

Movie star Angela Marckham (Laraine Stephens) wants to be taken seriously as an actress. She asks Roarke to send her back in time so that she can appear in one of Shakespeare’s plays. However. something goes wrong when Roarke attempts to open up the time travel portal and instead, Shakespeare (Robert Reed) ends up in the modern era.

“Be this Heaven or Hell?” Shakespeare demands.

“This is Fantasy Island,” Tattoo replies.

Shakespeare is happy to have escaped England because he was on the verge of being killed by the Earl of Norfolk (Lloyd Bochner). Angela puts Shakespeare to work writing a scene for her but Shakespeare announces that he cannot use a “word processor” and needs a quill pen. Luckily, quills can be bought at the Fantasy Island gift shop! Shakespeare then gets writers block. Angela really should just demand a refund. Her fantasy is a bust. No traveling to the past. No play. Shakespeare is kind of a jerk. But then the Earl of Norfolk shows up on Fantasy Island and, with his life now in danger, Shakespeare discovers that can write again. Hooray!

This fantasy felt familiar but, then again, the same can be said for many of the episodes of Fantasy Island that I’ve recently watched. After six seasons, any show would start to repeat itself. In this case, neither Angela nor Shakespeare are particularly sympathetic. Roarke has the patience of the saint.

Meanwhile, Andy Durant (Ray Buktenica) goes back to Victorian-era London so that he can meet a model whose picture fascinates him. Andy meets Pamela Gentry (Angela Landers) but is shocked to discover that she is about to fall victim to the mad owner of a wax museum. Frederick Kragan (Cesar Romero) kills his models and then disguises them as wax figures. (If this sounds familiar, it’s because it’s basically a remake of House of Wax.) Kragan’s assistant, Otto, is played by Sid Haig! Can Andy save Pamela’s life and expose Kragan’s crimes?

This was a fairly entertaining episode. I actually kind of liked the idea of Shakespeare being a cranky jerk, even if there was nothing particularly British about Robert Reed’s performance. Then again, there’s also nothing British about the performances of Audrey Landers, Cesar Romero, or Sid Haig. This was an odd episode but the House of Wax fantasy had a lot of old school Hammer film atmosphere to it. And, for those who enjoy Roarke/Tattoo comedy, this episode had a bit more than usual. Between Tattoo trying to help Shakespeare and Roarke laughing off Angela’s very justified anger over her fantasy not being fulfilled, this was a very good Roarke/Tattoo episode.

Overall, this was a good trip to the Island.

Late Night Retro Television Review: CHiPs 3.16 “Jailbirds”

Posted on April 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

It’s a holiday week so tonight’s review is going to be a mini-review. Let’s quickly talk about the time two highway patrolmen ended up in jail!

But first….

Episode 3.16 “Jailbirds”

(Dir by Bruce Kessler, originally aired on January 12th, 1980)

Ponch and Baker go to jail!

Actually, Baker goes to jail twice. Ponch is only sent to jail once. It’s all because they refuse to reveal the name of the confidential informant that allowed them get the drop on and arrest a smuggler named Nick Ferris (Ray Duke). Getraer calls the Attorney General’s office. Officer Turner drops by to check on Baker. The Judge (Allan Rich) says that he sympathizes with the cops but unless they’re willing to name their informant, he’ll have to dismiss the charges and let Ferris go free due to insufficient evidence.

The idea of Ponch and Baker in jail has a lot of possibilities. Ponch is always going on and on about how he used to be a juvenile delinquent so I was half-expecting him to run into an old friend in the holding tank. That didn’t happen, though. Instead, CHiPs gave us a jail that was remarkably clean, well-run, and full of friendly prisoners and nice cops. I’ve often felt that CHiPs was essentially a commercial for Los Angeles tourism and the theme of this episode appeared to be, “L.A. …. even our jails are wonderful!”

Anyway. Getrear and the guys not in jail work to get more evidence so that they can put Ferris behind bars without revealing the name of Baker’s informant. Good for them! Teamwork, it’s what CHiPs is all about!

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 3.24 “Heroes of the Revolution”

Posted on April 14, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

This week, season 3 comes to a close with a threat from the past!

Episode 3.24 “Heroes of the Revolution”

(Dir by Gabrielle Beaumont, originally aired on May 8th, 1987)

The Vice Squad is investigating Orrestes Pedrosa (Shawn Elliott), a former Fidel Castro henchman who has since come to Miami and is now trying to set himself up a major drug supplier. There’s also a mysterious German named Klaus Herzog (Jeroen Krabbe) who appears to be following Pedrosa around Miami.

After getting wounded in a nearly-successful drive-by shooting, Herzog breaks into Gina’s apartment and introduces himself as the ex-boyfriend of Gina’s mother. He goes to explain that Pedrosa was also in love with Gina’s mother and that he killed her when Gina was just a baby. Pedrosa is still obsessed with Gina’s mother so Herzog suggests that Gina should get a job singing at a club. Pedrosa will come out of hiding to see her and Herzog will get his chance for revenge.

Gina agrees, even though it means violating every rule in the Vice book. The end result is that we get a lot of scenes of Saundra Santiago singing and eventually, she shoots Pedrosa dead when he attempts to shoot Herzog.

It’s an interesting choice for a season finale. Crockett and Tubbs are barely present in this episode, allowing Gina to finally have center stage. (Interestingly enough, the third season opened with a Gina episode as well.) Saundra Santiago was often underused by the show so it’s always good to see her getting a chance to do something other than telling Sonny that he got a call. She and the wonderful Jeroen Krabbe have an interesting chemistry in this episode. Pedrosa isn’t the only one who is still in love with Gina’s mother.

On the one hand, I was happy that Miami Vice finally featured a villainous communist. Politically, Miami Vice tends to be so left-wing that it sometimes verges on parody so a villainous Castroite was a change of pace. But then Krabbe’s character introduced himself by saying, “I am a communist.” It was as if the show had to make sure we understood that it was still on the side of Marx. It felt kind of silly, to be honest.

Anyway, the third season ended on a fairly good note. Neither Don Johnson nor Philip Michael Thomas really seemed that invested in their characters for much of the third season so it’s been nice to see Michael Talbott, Saundra Santiago, and Olivia Brown each get an opportunity to show off what they could do when given the opportunity. This was an uneven season but it had its share of good episodes. I’m still struggling to deal with the death of Larry Zito.

Next week, we begin season 4!

Late Night Retro Television Review: Degrassi High 2.1 “Bad Blood: Part 1”

Posted on April 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sunday, I will be reviewing the Canadian series, Degrassi High, which aired on CBC and PBS from 1989 to 1991! The series can be streamed on YouTube and Tubi

It’s time for another school year!

Episode 2.1 “Bad Blood: Part 1”

(Dir by Kit Hood, originally aired on November 5th, 1990)

It’s time to start another year at Degrassi High! There’s a lot going on:

Michelle spent the summer on a trip, which gave BLT time to find a new girlfriend. He hasn’t told Michelle yet. BLT says, “Michelle is so sensitive,” as if that’s a bad thing. Remember when BLT was like the perfect boyfriend last season? I guess that’s all gone out the window.
L.D.’s cancer is in remission! However, she’s not back at school. Her father sold his garage, bought a sailboat, and now he and L.D. are circling the globe. So, I guess L.D. is just going to be a high school dropout? Lucy films a video for L.D. Good luck delivering it to the middle of the ocean.
Condom machines have been installed in the bathrooms! The Farrell twin who keeps getting pregnant is super excited.
School bully Dwayne also loves the condom machines because he can fill the condoms with water and drop them on his longtime nemesis, Joey Jeremiah.
Joey is upset that Dwayne and his gang are in Joey’s special ed class. However, Joey does have one good thing happening in his life. He finally got his license! Now, he just needs a car.
Hey, here’s a car that’s for sale! But it costs …. $3,000! And Joey only has $75. Ha. Loser.
How can Joey raise money? What if he asks everyone to pay him to walk naked through the cafeteria? All of the teachers are going to be in a staff meeting so there’s no way Joey’s going to get caught!
Joey goes through with it, walking into cafe naked while holding his fedora over his …. well, you know. Joey’s embarrassed but he’s going to get a car!
Except …. OH NO! IT’S RADITCH!
Who snitched on Joey? That’s right, it was Dwayne! Joey gets dragged to the office and he doesn’t get any of the money that he needed for his car.
Dwayne is still laughing about it when he arrives home. His father tells him that “some chick” called for you.
Dwayne calls Penny, his summer girlfriend. Penny tells him that her ex-boyfriend has tested positive for HIV and that’s she tested positive for HIV and maybe Dwayne should get tested….
To be continued….

Agck! That’s quite an ending for what was, otherwise, a fairly light-hearted episode. But that’s one thing that made Degrassi such a good show. It understood how being in high school was often a bizarre mix of comedy and drama. This episode spends a good deal of time portraying Dwayne as being the biggest jerk ever and then it ends with him looking absolutely terrified. It’s a powerful moment.

Next week, the story continues as Dwayne’s life is changed forever.

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.8 “All Through The House”

Posted on April 13, 2025 by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC! It can be viewed on Peacock.

It’s time to celebrate the holidays!

Episode 3.8 “All Through The House”

(Dir by Peter Medak, originally aired on December 16th, 1994)

It’s Christmas in Baltimore! Decorations are up. A heavy snow is falling. The Homicide Detectives are starting the night shift on Christmas Eve …. there’s no way this is going to be depressing, right?

Russert and Lewis (who no longer has a permanent partner because Crosetti committed suicide) investigate the murder of a woman who was set on fire. The victim’s mother (Nancy Marchand) is in the midst of throwing a Christmas party and refuses to acknowledge the fact that her daughter is dead. Instead, she obsesses on the amount of red decorations. It’s a human moment. How would you react if you found out a member of your family had been murdered on Christmas Eve?
Still, this storyline kind of reinforced the fact that it really doesn’t make much sense for Russert to be a regular on the show. She’s a shift commander but it’s a totally different shift from the one that the rest of the characters work. She was originally introduced having an affair with Beau but that appears to be over. Russert really has nothing to do and her choosing to work Christmas Eve didn’t really make much sense.
Scheiner, the crusty old medical examiner, shows up wearing a Santa hat. Assistant State’s Attorney Ed Danvers also makes an appearance. He mentions that he’s got someone coming to his apartment to celebrate Christmas Eve with him but Kay is working! Did they break up!?
Meanwhile, Bolander and Much investigate the mystery of a dead man dressed as Santa Claus….
SERIOUSLY, HOMICIDE!?
Much suggests that Santa was killed by angry elves.
Okay, Homicide, that made me laugh.
Munch thinks that the man is someone who has been ringing the bell for the Salvation Army for decades. Bolander says that they need to inform the man’s child….
STOP IT, HOMICIDE!
While Bolander goes to the morgue to try to get a positive ID on the guy, Munch sits in an apartment with a kid who want stop talking about how his father promised to spend Christmas Eve with him….
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, HOMICIDE!?
Munch takes the kid out. They go bowling. They hit some baseballs. The kid’s antagonistic and Munch is miserable.
Oh wait! The kid’s father is alive! Yay! It turns out that someone stole his Santa Claus outfit and that person — that thief of holiday joy — is the one who was brutally murdered while dressed as jolly old St. Nick.
Uhmm …. that’s still pretty depressing but at least the kid’s not an orphan.
Back at headquarters, a disheveled Bayliss tries to get someone to play Hearts with him because he needs to make some quick money.
Seriously, what’s happening with Bayliss? He went from being clean-cut and idealistic to being a somewhat seedy, convenience store-robbing burnout in record time!

Merry Christmas, everyone! This was a good episode, actually. Any episode that involves Munch getting frustrated is usually enjoyable and Russert and Lewis made for a good team. And, in the end, Santa was not dead. It’s a Christmas miracle!