Tag Archives: TV

Retro Television Review: Homicide: Life On The Street 3.9 “Nothing Personal”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Sundays, I will be reviewing Homicide: Life On The Street, which aired from 1993 to 1999, on NBC!  It  can be viewed on Peacock.

This week, Felton again proves himself to be the most incompetent cop in Baltimore.

Episode 3.9 “Nothing Personal”

(Dir by Timothy Van Patten, originally aired on April 21st, 1995)

Woe be anyone whose murder is investigating by Detective Beau Felton.

Felton (played by Daniel Baldwin) shambles his way through this episode, his hair a greasy mess and his eyes bloodshot.  The episode takes place over the course of several days and Felton doesn’t change his clothes once.  Just looking at him, one can smell the pungent mix of sweat, cigarettes, and booze.  Felton is searching for his wife and his son.  In this episode, his mother-in-law tells him that his wife is planning on coming home, just for her to change her mind at the last moment.  On the one hand, I do feel a bit bad for Felton, even if he was an absolutely terrible husband.  On the other hand, he’s got an important job and, right now, he sucks at it.  His decision to go back to Megan Russert’s place after he talks to his mother-in-law definitely does not make him in any way extra sympathetic.

Poor Kay!  She has been just been assigned the Chilton murder, which was one of Crosetti’s unsolved cases and now her 100% clearance rate is threatened.  The case is considered to be unsolvable.  Someone strangled Erica Chilton.  Her husband (Dean Winters) gives Kay and Felton a stack of letters that were sent by Erica’s secret lover.  Alcoholic Felton loses the letters.  The episode ends with Kay reluctantly accepting that she might never solve the case.  Personally, I think Kay should consider that the victim’s husband is played by Dean Winters.  With the exception of Law & Order: SVU, I have never seen Dean Winters appear on a show like this without eventually turning out to be the murderer and the fact that he had a huge stack of letters from Erica’s boyfriend would give him a motive.  See, Kay?  I solved your case for you!

Meanwhile, Giardello goes out to lunch with Megan Russert and one of her friends.  Russert wants to set them up.  Giardello is interested but Russert’s friend isn’t.  Giardello, in a wonderfully performed moment (all hail Yaphet Kotto), tells Russert that he feels that light-skinned black women always reject him because he’s “too black.”  Russert says that’s ridiculous, just for Giardello to reply that, as a “white woman,” she wouldn’t understand.  Giardello spends the rest of the episode depressed.  It’s always interesting whenever Giardello, who is usually so imposing, let’s down his guard a bit and reveals his emotions.  Kotto always did a great job playing Giardello, regardless of whether Giardello was ordering Pembleton to work with Bayliss or just trying to avoid doing his laundry with Munch.

Speaking of Munch, the Waterfront Bar continues to be a headache.  Lewis, Bayliss, and Munch have finally purchased their bar but it turns out that the former owner is not allowed to leave behind any of the liquor that she previously had at the bar.  So, the three partners are going to have to pay for all their liquor themselves.  The Waterfront Bar storyline has been dragged out a bit but it is a storyline that shows just how difficult it is to start a business in an overregulated state.  So, it appeals to be my libertarian side.

There were a lot of good moments in this episode, even if I am getting a bit tired of Felton and his incompetence.  One thing that I’ve really enjoyed about this season is how much Kay and Russert seem to sincerely dislike each other.  This episode featured Russet calling Kay out for obsessing over her perfect clearance rate and Kay’s barely pent up irritation was entertaining to watch.  Still, I do find myself wondering why Russet is always at the station, even though her shift is over.  Seriously, Russert, spend some time with your child and tell Felton to get off your damn couch!  There’s murders that need to be solved.

 

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Check It Out 3.14 “Marlene For Hire”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing the Canadian sitcom, Check it Out, which ran in syndication from 1985 to 1988.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and Peacock!

It’s Christmas in Canada!

Episode 3.14 “Marlene For Hire”

(Dir by Alan Erlich, originally aired on December 12th, 1987)

A married couple who shops at C0bb’s — Cindy (Lynne Cormack) and Ron (Hal Eisen) — ask Marlene is she’ll be a surrogate mother for them.  Once Marlene figures out that they’re not asking her to become a swinger, she agrees.  But then, during a doctor’s visit, Marlene is told that she’s “not a good candidate” to be a surrogate mother.  It’s a bit of an odd storyline because the biggest part of the story — the visit with the doctor — occurs totally off-screen.  We only hear about it when Marlene talks to Edna about it.

Still, Marlene does confess that she is somewhat relieved because she doesn’t think she would have been able to actually give the baby up.  Edna, who has been in a loveless relationship with Howard for what seems like a decade, starts to cry.  Awwww!  It’s a sad scene, really.  It’s also the type of scene that would not have worked during the first or second seasons of the show, when all of the characters were a bit too cartoonish to really touch the viewer’s heart.  The third season has been a marked improvement.  Kathleen Laskey and Dinah Christie both gave good performances in their scene together, making it far more poignant than I would ever expect an episode of Check It Out! to be.

As for the other storyline, there’s a contest to see which store can build the best Holiday display.  (It’s a Christmas episode.)  Howard goes with a manger scene, which would probably get the store sued nowadays.  Leslie wants to make a manger out of bread but Howard says that’s a foolish idea.  In the end, the judge says that he loves Howard’s display but the winner is another Cobb’s that made their manger out of …. wait for it! …. bread!

As I said, it’s a bit of an odd episode but it actually worked because of the — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — strength of the ensemble.  After two seasons of everyone acting as if they were all appearing in different shows, the third season has found the cast really clicking.  Kathleen Laskey and Dinah Christie handled the em0tional part of the show while Jeff Pustil, Aaron Schwartz, and Don Adams handled the comedy as they bickered over the best way to build a manger.

In other words, this was a good epioode.  It’s a Christmas miracle!

Retro Television Review: 3 By Cheever 1.1 “The Sorrows of Gin” (dir by John Hofsiss)

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Saturdays, I will be reviewing 3 By Cheever, which ran on PBS in 1979.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime and found on YouTube.

In 1979, PBS aired 3 By Cheever, three short films that were all based on stories by the American author, John Cheever.  The stories all took place in the same suburban milieu and featured characters in common.  The first episode was an adaptation of one of Cheever’s earlier stories, The Sorrows of Gin.

Episode 1.1 “The Sorrows of Gin”

(Dir by Jack Hofsiss, originally aired on October 24th, 1979)

Taking place in the New England suburb of Shady Hill, The Sorrows of Gin deals with the Lawton family.  The Lawtons have got a nice house, lovely neighbors, and enough loyal servants that they don’t ever have to really worry about taking care of their eight year-old daughter, Amy (Mara Hobel).  Kip (Edward Herrmann) and Marcia Lawton (Sigourney Weaver) are youngish, successful, athletic (they play tennis, of course), and they’re also alcoholics.  They don’t realize they’re alcoholics and they’re both far more refined than the stereotypical image of the boozy drunk but they’re alcoholics nonetheless.

They’re also hypocrites.  When Amy’s babysitter, Rosemary (Eileen Heckart), comes to work with booze on her breath, Kip fires her.  Amy, realizing that the alcohol is causing her parents to fight, starts to secretly pour out all of the gin, a little at a time.  Kip and Marcia assume that the servants are sneaking drinks and they go on a firing rampage.  Amy finally decides to run away from home, just to be found by Kip who, at the very least, seems like he’s willing to try to be a better father and husband.

Wow, what a depressing story!  Cheever’s original short story, which was one of the first American stories to really explore suburban alcoholism, was written with a good deal of wit and social satire.  The PBS adaptation takes a far more literal approach.  It captures Cheever’s story but not his voice and, as a result, you kind of find yourself why you should care about any of these people.  Even taking alcohol out of the equation, Kip and Marcia are shallow, self-absorbed, and terrible parents.  Maybe Amy should run away.

On the plus side, the film does feature Edward Herrmann and Sigourney Weaver, both giving excellent performances as the Lawtons.  The same year in which this aired, Weaver also starred as Ripley in Alien and it is a bit odd to see Weaver playing someone who would probably never in a thousand years see that film.  That said, Weaver does a good job and is totally believable as the clueless Marcia.  Meanwhile, Edward Herrmann has just the right WASP-y style to play Kip Lawton.  One of the most effective things about this film is how Kip is just a goofy suburban husband until he thinks someone is drinking his gin.  Then, he becomes outraged.  This film ends with a hint of redemption for Kip, a suggestion that Kip has finally realized how much his drinking is upsetting his daughter.  But, honestly, Kip doesn’t really seem like he has it in him to change.  Hopefully, he’ll just stop firing people.

This was an uneven production.  The story wasn’t quite as shocking as perhaps it was when Cheever first wrote about the Lawtons.  But the performances of Herrmann and Weaver kept me watching.

 

Late Night Retro Television Review: Friday the 13th: The Series 3.10 “Mightier Than The Sword”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing Friday the 13th: The Series, a show which ran in syndication from 1987 to 1990. The entire series can be found on YouTube!

Another Friday, another cursed antique….

Episode 3.10 “Mightier Than The Sword”

(Dir by Armand Mastroianni, originally aired on January 8th, 1990)

Micki’s been possessed again!

This time, it’s the result of a writer named Alex Dent (Colm Feore, who appeared in quite a few episodes of this show, always as a different villain) using his cursed pen to write about Micki becoming a serial killer.  That’s how Alex makes his money.  He writes about people becoming serial killers and then, when they do exactly what he has written, Alex publishes a true crime book about them.

Johnny is a huge fan of Alex’s books.  Micki says that she’s seen enough death in real life without having to read about it.  Johnny doesn’t seem to take her seriously, which is odd.  Sometimes, Johnny seems to forget that he and Micki spend all of their time dealing with cursed antiques and battling the Devil.  I mean, has Johnny forgotten about the time that he spent in prison after he was wrongly convicted of murdering his father?  Johnny seems to go from being streetwise to naive rather abruptly, all depending on what the episode’s story requires of him.  It’s also a bit of an odd coincidence that Johnny would just happen to be a fan of someone who has one of the cursed antiques but, then again, this wasn’t the first time this happened on Friday the 13th and I imagine it will happen a few more times as well.

This episode had an interesting premise, though I do have to wonder how Alex found out about the curse in the first place.  It doesn’t seem like the most practical of curses.  Alex must write, sell, and publish his books in record time.  Micki always seems to be getting possessed, which usually leads to her posing in a doorway and delivering her lines like a 40s noir heroine.  (In this episode, she also takes up smoking.)  Fortunately, Robey always did a good job pulling off the whole suddenly possessed thing.  I imagine it must have been pretty traumatic for Micki but at least Johnny learned a lesson about reading trashy true crime paperbacks.

As for this episode, Colm Feore was a good villain, there was plenty of noirish atmosphere, and the episode didn’t take itself particularly seriously.  It kept me entertained!  Really, what more can you ask from a show?

Retro Television Review: St. Elsewhere 1.19 “Working”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Fridays, I will be reviewing St. Elsewhere, a medical show which ran on NBC from 1982 to 1988.  The show can be found on Hulu and, for purchase, on Prime!

This week, someone’s getting sued!

Episode 1.19 “Working”

(Dir by Bruce Paltrow, originally aired on April 5th, 1983)

Dr. Morrison becomes upset when he deduces that a patient (Ed Lauter) is trying to drink himself to death so that his family can collect his life insurance.  Dr. Chandler becomes upset when one of his patients dies while being admitted to the hospital and the family ends up suing for malpractice.  For once, Dr. Craig is not upset because he’s been charmed by a visiting surgeon (Rita Zohar) from Hungary.  And, finally, Dr. White continues to be Dr. White as he obsesses over his separation, pops pills, and screws up even the simplest of medical tasks.

It’s just another day at St. Eligius!

This was a pretty good episode.  Dr. Craig’s storyline was probably the weakest but William Daniels is such a good actor and Dr. Craig was such an interesting character that even a weak Craig storyline is still better than average.  (That said, the visiting surgeon’s amazement at visiting at actual McDonald’s was a bit heavy handed.)

What really made this episode stand out is that Denzel Washington finally got to do something more than just stand in the background and nod.  For most of the first season, Dr. Chandler has been portrayed as being perhaps the most perfect and ultra-competent resident in the history of medical residences so it was interesting to see him not having all the answers for once.  Washington did a wonderful job portraying Chandler’s transformation from being almost cocky to being worried that he actually was, in some way, responsible for his patient’s death.  (The fact that the other doctors just shrugged off the man’s death made Chandler even more determined to figure things out.)  In the past, Chandler has always been quick to call out other people’s errors and this episode actually features him nearly coming to blows with White over White’s terrible job performance. Seeing Chandler having to critically examine his own job performance brought a bit more depth to the character.

Speaking of Dr. White …. WHAT A JERK!  The first season is nearly over and it seems like the show is building up to something terrible happening to Dr. White.  Whatever it may be, it’s hard not to feel that he brought it on himself.  In a hospital full of dedicated doctors, Dr. White is the guy you never want to see come in your room.  I have no idea what’s going to happen with this doctor but I can’t imagine it will be a good thing.

Finally, Morrison’s storyline left me wondering why Morrison always ends up with the most melodramatic patients.  That said, Ed Lauter was one of the best and his scenes with Norman Lloyd’s Dr. Auschlander were wonderfully acted by both men.

This was a good episode.  We’re approaching the end of season one and I can’t wait to see how things are going to wrap up with the doctors at Boston’s most underrated hospital.

Late Night Retro Television Reviews: Highway to Heaven 3.20 “The Hero”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Highway to Heaven, which aired on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show is currently streaming on Tubi and several other services!

This week, Jonathan meets a man who is desperate for money.

Episode 3.20 “The Hero”

(Dir by Michael Landon, originally aired on February 18th, 1987)

In desperate need of dental work that the VA refuses to pay for, disabled Vietnam veteran Joe Mason (James Stacy) considers stealing money from work and spends his time getting drunk and getting into fights in parking lots.  Luckily, Jonathan is his new coworker and is able to show Joe that he truly deserve to be called a hero.

This was a standard Highway to Heaven episode but some people will find it interesting just because it features James Stacy.  Stacy was the former star of the western series Lancer, the one that played a central role in Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.  (In that film, Stacy is played by Timothy Olyphant.)  In real life, Stacy lost both his left arm and his left leg when he was hit by a drunk driver while he was riding his motorcycle.  (Stacy’s girlfriend at the time was killed.)  Stacy continued to act, appearing in roles, like this one, that were specifically written to include his disability.  Stacy was nominated for a few Emmy Awards after his accident and he gives a good performance in this episode.

Unfortunately, James Stacy’s career did not have a happy ending, as he struggled with alcoholism after the accident.  He retired from acting in 1991 and four years later, he pled “no contest” to inappropriately touching an 11 year-old girl.  (I’ve come across a lot of different version of what happened, with some saying it was a misunderstanding and others saying that it definitely wasn’t.  What everyone does seem to agree on is that Stacy was drunk at the time.)  Due in court in California, Stacy instead fled to Hawaii where he attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff, just for the wind to slam him into a ledge below.  Stacy, who had been looking at probation, was instead sent to prison for six years.  After his release, Stacy lives in seclusion until his 2016 death.

Stacy’s appearance on this episode is another example of Highway to Heaven giving work to veteran actors who were not necessarily working on a regular basis.  In many ways, this show was like The Love Boat or Fantasy Island, in that its guest cast leaned heavy on nostalgia.  Landon was a Hollywood veteran himself and one gets the feeling that one of his main motivations for doing this show was to help out his friends and acquaintances, the ones who weren’t necessarily at the top of Hollywood’s casting list anymore.  The use of so many veteran actors, even someone who eventually became rather problematic like James Stacy, just adds to the earnestness that was this show’s defining characteristic.

Retro Television Review: Malibu CA 2.9″Starstruck”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Thursdays, I will be reviewing Malibu CA, which aired in Syndication in 1998 and 1999.  Almost the entire show is currently streaming on YouTube!

Yes, this is from the first season. I don’t care. I refuse to waste my time looking for a second season advertisement.

Yes, it’s that time once again.  Sorry, everyone.

Episode 2.9 “Starstruck” 

(Dir by Gary Shimokawa, originally aired on December 4th, 1999)

Here’s what the imdb says about this week’s episode:

Jason has been having a great time with Alex and he admits to Murray that he’d like to date her. However, his film star friend Josh Denmark tells him that he too would like to date Alex. The two have competed for the same girls in the past and both agree not to date Alex. Murray, though, encourages Jason to ask Alex out, and he takes his advice. But it seems that Josh has already asked Alex out and she accepted.

Now, as you probably guessed, this is yet another season 2 episode that was not uploaded to YouTube.  If I had known so much of season 2 was not available, I never would have started reviewing this stupid show to begin with and I’d be a lot happier right now.  That said, in another few weeks, we will reach some episodes that actually have been uploaded.  This post is a placeholder, in case I ever do find this episode.  Plus, for whoever may be interested, you now know that Josh Denmark is a semi-regular character and so is Alex, the lifeguard who replaced Stads.  I guess Jason is over Stads now.  As for Scott, I guess he’s still training for the Olympics.  *snicker*  God, what a stupid show.

According to the imdb, this was the final episode to feature the character of “film star” Josh Denmark so I’m going to guess he turned out to be a jerk and left to film another movie.  (That’s what usually happened whenever this plot played out on a Peter Engel-produced sitcom.  Remember Johnny Dakota from Saved By The Bell?)  The fact that this episode is called “Starstruck” leads me to suspect that Alex learned that there’s more to life than fame.

(It’s almost as if I don’t actually have to actually watch this show to know what happened.)

Anyway, hopefully I’ll get to do an actual review in the future.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Monsters 3.15 “The Space Eaters”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing Monsters, which aired in syndication from 1988 to 1991. The entire series is streaming on YouTube.

This week, on Monsters, the aliens are due in New England so get your mudrooms ready!

Episode 3.15 “The Space Eaters”

(Dir by Robert T. Megginson, originally aired on January 6th, 1991)

On a stormy night in New England, two old friends get together to play chess.  As is obvious from the dialogue, Howard (Richard Clarke) and Frederick (Matt Hulswitt) have been friends for a long time and their chess game is more than just a way to wait out the bad weather,  It’s a part of an ongoing tradition.  Howard is a respected small town doctor.  Frederick is a veteran.  Neither one is the type to believe stories about aliens coming to Earth.

Until, of course, it actually happens.

Their friend, Henry Wells (Richard Hughes), stumbles into the house and says that he and the other towns people were all captured by aliens and their brains have been eaten.  Henry collapses and dies.  A quick examination of his head reveals a bloodless hole.  Frederick thinks that it might had been the result of a gunshot but why is there no exit wound?  Howard takes a closer look at the hole and discovers that Henry is indeed missing his brain.  Suddenly, Henry starts to speak in the voice of the alien and Howard and Frederick realize that Henry’s crazy story was true.  The aliens have arrived and they’re eating brains!  Can Howard and Frederick, who are apparently the last two townspeople who still have their brains, find a way to outsmart the aliens?

This was a good episode, one that was heavy on atmosphere and which featured good performances from the three-man cast.  When the aliens did show up at the end, their design paid homage to the type of aliens that used to appear in Roger Corman’s 50s sci-fi films.  It’s a nice touch.  I always like it when Monsters pays homage to the horror and science fiction films of the past.

This was another good season 3 episode of Monsters!  It’s rare that a show gets better in its later seasons but, so far, the third season of Monsters has been a hundred times stronger than the previous two seasons.  We’ll see if that pattern continues next week.

Retro Television Review: The Love Boat 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Wednesdays, I will be reviewing the original Love Boat, which aired on ABC from 1977 to 1986!  The series can be streamed on Paramount Plus!

This week, someone needs to call Family Services.

Episode 5.25 “Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance”

(Dir by Richard Kinon, originally aired on March 27th, 1982)

Poor Vicki!

Here she is, living on the Love Boat, surrounded by the middle-aged crew and the largely elderly passengers, and without a single friend her own age.  (Seriously, how does Captain Stubing get away with this?)  She’s excited when an old school friend, Scott Nelson (Rad Daly), boards the boat but Scott, being 14 and a boy, is totally clueless about the fact that 1) Vicki is no longer a tomboy and 2) Vicki totally has a crush on him.

Gopher sees that Vicki is upset so he tries to cheer her up by telling her that she deserves better than Scott and also sending her flowers.  Gopher may have had good intention but now Vicki is convinced that she’s in love with Gopher and that Gopher is in love with her!  Captain Stubing is not amused.  And Vicki is also not amused when she overhears Gopher explaining that he was just trying to make Vicki feel better.  And then she’s truly, truly unamused when Scott kisses her and then reveals that Gopher paid him to do so.

Seriously, poor Vicki!  I relate to Vicki more than to Julie because I’ve never been a cruise director but I have been a teenager.  I will never understand how the Captain is getting away with raising his daughter on a cruise ship.  I can see where it would sometimes for fun for Vicki but doesn’t she miss having friends her own age?  Doesn’t she wish she could explore something other than the Aloha Deck?  This storyline once again reminded the viewer that Vicki really deserves a life on the mainland.

As for the other two stories, Paul Reese (Jared Martin) is a publishing executive who wants to sign an author named Gus Dolan (Alan Hale, Jr.).  Gus is known for his tough crime novels.  In order to get close to Gus, Paul strikes up a romance with Gus’s daughter, Kathy (Georgia Engel).  Kathy is upset when she discovers that Paul works in publishing but, when Paul throws away the contact that he just got Gus to sign, she realizes that Paul does love her.  And then Paul discovers that Kathy is the one who is actually writing Gus’s books.  This storyline featured a good performance from Alan Hale, Jr. but there was next to zero romantic sparks between Jared Martin and Georgia Engel.

Meanwhile, Brian (Paul Williams) and Lenore (Joanna Pettet) searched the ship for a secret treasure and fell in love.  Isaac’s cabin got ransacked twice.  This was a pretty boring story and one of the biggest parts of it — Captain Stubing telling Brian and Lenore not to disturb anyone else’s cabin — took place off-screen.

So, this cruise left me feeling very sorry for Vicki and also for poor Gus Dolan.  Vicki wants friends her own age.  Gus wants to be a real writer.  Not all dreams come true, even on the Love Boat.

Late Night Retro Television Review: Pacific Blue 2.1 “Lights Out”

Posted on by Lisa Marie Bowman

Welcome to Late Night Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past! On Tuesdays, I will be reviewing Pacific Blue, a cop show that aired from 1996 to 2000 on the USA Network!  It’s currently streaming everywhere, though I’m watching it on Tubi.

Let’s start season two of this stupid show!

Episode 2.1 “Lights Out”

(Dir by Terrence O’Hara, originally aired on August 17th, 1996)

It’s time for season 2 of Pacific Blue!

Elvis, the mechanic played by David L. Lander, is no longer a member of the cast but the rest of the ensemble is there and still trying to convince us that they’re real cops despite the fact that they ride bicycles and wear shorts.  The episode opens with Palermo telling everyone that they have new bicycles.  In fact, it’s the same type of bicycles that are used by the Secret Service!

See, the show tells us, bicycle cops aren’t dorky!

Okay, Pacific Blue, whatever,  It’s the start of the second season and you’re still trying to justify your existence.

A mad bomber named Wilson Dupree (Robin Sachs) is planting bombs all over …. Malibu?  Santa Barbara?  Where does this show take place again?  Anyway, we know that Wilson is a bad guy because he speaks with a British accent.  Whenever he plants a bomb, he calls ahead and specifically asks for someone from the bike patrol to come and defuse it.  Why is Wilson picking on the bike patrol?  Hey, who wouldn’t?  The bike patrol is dorky as Heck!

TC and Victor are soon finding bombs.  TC and Victor turn out to be rather incompetent when it comes to defusing bombs.  A lifeguard tower explodes.  A car explodes.  There’s an unintentionally funny scene where the entire bike patrol chases after a taxi that they’ve been informed is carrying a bomb.  Wouldn’t it have made more sense to call the real cops so that they could send a patrol car with its lights flashing and sirens going?  The taxi driver doesn’t even realize he’s being followed.

The FBI sends down Agent Stone (David Lee Smith) to head up the investigation.  As soon as Stone arrives, Palermo starts in with usual “We’re real cops!’ spiel, even though Stone hasn’t suggested that they aren’t.  Palermo is apparently so used to people not taking bike cops seriously that he just starts ranting as soon as he meets anyone new.  Stone asks Chris to be his liaison and Chris, as usual, is like, “Anything to get off this stupid bicycle!”

Stone thinks that Wilson is an anti-technology, eco-terrorist, like the Unabomber.  Palermo has his doubts because Palermo always has to try to convince everyone that he knows everything.  In the end, it really doesn’t matter because Wilson’s main goal is just to blow everything up.  The whole argument over motives feels like it has more to do with Palermo’s insecurities than anything else.

Is the town saved from the mad bomber?  Yes.  Good work, bike patrol!  You all still look silly on those bikes though.