The Eric Roberts Collection: Story of Eva (dir by Tom Woodbeck)


“Jakey, Jakey, big mistakey,” the bad guy says at one point during 2015’s Story of Eva and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about this film, I don’t know what to tell you.

Eva (Nicole Rio) is the mother of teenage Amber (Chelsea London Lloyd).  After Amber is murdered by a serial killer who also works as a human trafficker, Eva decides to get revenge.  First, however, she has to train herself to not only inflict pain but to also handle it.  She finds Amber’s stash and starts smoking it.  She wears a ball gag.  She whips herself.  She learns how to handle pain.  She uses Amber’s college fund to buy a membership at the gym and takes boxing lessons.  And she builds her own little dungeon.  Whenever Eva captures a criminal, she turns into Evil Eva and is even played by a different actress, Shawn Craig.  Eva is one of those vigilantes who can’t punish an evil-doer without delivering an endless monologue.  The script is talky in the way that scripts written by first-timers determined to prove their cleverness often are.

“No child should ever suffer!” Eva — in “good” form — announces before then adding, “What kind of God would allow that?”  Thunder rumbles in the background and it’s not for the first or the only time in the movie as Eva views herself as having become a vengeful God.  I have to admit that I appreciated the fact that the film was so shamelessly overwrought and overdone.  Everything about the the move is over-the-top and yet, oddly, it’s still rather dull.  Some of it is that fact that we live in a post-Hostel world.  Torture chambers just don’t carry the same jolt that they once did.

Eric Roberts plays a detective who is investigating all of the murders.  He is named Detective Wood.  His partner (Rico Ross) is named Detective Grind and the fact that there was no one named Detective Bump seems like a missed opportunity.  Roberts appears in a handful of scenes and brings some welcome wit to the role.

Previous Eric Roberts Films That We Have Reviewed:

  1. Paul’s Case (1980)
  2. Star 80 (1983)
  3. Runaway Train (1985)
  4. To Heal A Nation (1988)
  5. Best of the Best (1989)
  6. Blood Red (1989)
  7. The Ambulance (1990)
  8. The Lost Capone (1990)
  9. Best of the Best II (1993)
  10. Love, Cheat, & Steal (1993)
  11. Voyage (1993)
  12. Love Is A Gun (1994)
  13. Sensation (1994)
  14. Dark Angel (1996)
  15. Doctor Who (1996)
  16. Most Wanted (1997)
  17. The Alternate (2000)
  18. Mercy Streets (2000)
  19. Tripfall (2000)
  20. Raptor (2001)
  21. Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534 (2001)
  22. Strange Frequency (2001)
  23. Wolves of Wall Street (2002)
  24. Border Blues (2004)
  25. Mr. Brightside (2004)
  26. Six: The Mark Unleased (2004)
  27. We Belong Together (2005)
  28. Hey You (2006)
  29. Cyclops (2008)
  30. Depth Charge (2008)
  31. Amazing Racer (2009)
  32. The Chaos Experiment (2009)
  33. In The Blink of an Eye (2009)
  34. Bed & Breakfast (2010)
  35. Enemies Among Us (2010)
  36. The Expendables (2010) 
  37. Groupie (2010)
  38. Sharktopus (2010)
  39. Beyond The Trophy (2012)
  40. The Dead Want Women (2012)
  41. Deadline (2012)
  42. The Mark (2012)
  43. Miss Atomic Bomb (2012)
  44. The Night Never Sleeps (2012)
  45. Assault on Wall Street (2013)
  46. Bonnie And Clyde: Justified (2013)
  47. Lovelace (2013)
  48. The Mark: Redemption (2013)
  49. The Perfect Summer (2013)
  50. Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End (2013)
  51. Revelation Road 2: The Sea of Glass and Fire (2013)
  52. Self-Storage (2013)
  53. Sink Hole (2013)
  54. A Talking Cat!?! (2013)
  55. This Is Our Time (2013)
  56. Bigfoot vs DB Cooper (2014)
  57. Doc Holliday’s Revenge (2014)
  58. Eternity: The Movie (2014)
  59. Inherent Vice (2014)
  60. Road to the Open (2014)
  61. Rumors of War (2014)
  62. So This Is Christmas (2014)
  63. Amityville Death House (2015)
  64. Deadly Sanctuary (2015)
  65. A Fatal Obsession (2015)
  66. Las Vegas Story (2015)
  67. Sorority Slaughterhouse (2015)
  68. Stalked By My Doctor (2015)
  69. Enemy Within (2016)
  70. Hunting Season (2016)
  71. Joker’s Poltergeist (2016)
  72. Prayer Never Fails (2016)
  73. Stalked By My Doctor: The Return (2016)
  74. The Wrong Roommate (2016)
  75. Dark Image (2017)
  76. The Demonic Dead (2017)
  77. Black Wake (2018)
  78. Frank and Ava (2018)
  79. Stalked By My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge (2018)
  80. The Wrong Teacher (2018)
  81. Clinton Island (2019)
  82. Monster Island (2019)
  83. The Reliant (2019)
  84. The Savant (2019)
  85. Seven Deadly Sins (2019)
  86. Stalked By My Doctor: A Sleepwalker’s Nightmare (2019)
  87. The Wrong Mommy (2019)
  88. Exodus of a Prodigal Son (2020)
  89. Free Lunch Express (2020)
  90. Hard Luck Love Song (2020)
  91. Her Deadly Groom (2020)
  92. Top Gunner (2020)
  93. Deadly Nightshade (2021)
  94. The Elevator (2021)
  95. Just What The Doctor Ordered (2021)
  96. Killer Advice (2021)
  97. Megaboa (2021)
  98. Night Night (2021)
  99. The Poltergeist Diaries (2021)
  100. The Rebels of PT-218 (2021)
  101. Red Prophecies (2021)
  102. A Town Called Parable (2021)
  103. The Wrong Mr. Right (2021)
  104. Bleach (2022)
  105. Dawn (2022)
  106. My Dinner With Eric (2022)
  107. 69 Parts (2022)
  108. The Rideshare Killer (2022)
  109. The Wrong High School Sweetheart (2022)
  110. The Company We Keep (2023)
  111. D.C. Down (2023)
  112. If I Can’t Have You (2023)
  113. Megalodon: The Frenzy (2023)
  114. Aftermath (2024)
  115. Bad Substitute (2024)
  116. Devil’s Knight (2024)
  117. Insane Like Me? (2024)
  118. Space Sharks (2024)
  119. The Wrong Life Coach (2024)
  120. Broken Church (2025)
  121. Shakey Grounds (2025)
  122. When It Rains In L.A. (2025)

Retro Television Review: Miami Vice 5.4 “Bad Timing”


Welcome to Retro Television Reviews, a feature where we review some of our favorite and least favorite shows of the past!  On Mondays, I will be reviewing Miami Vice, which ran on NBC from 1984 to 1989.  The entire show can be purchased on Prime!

This week, Crockett tries to find himself.

Episode 5.4 “Bad Timing”

(Dir by Virgil W. Vogel, originally aired on December 2nd, 1988)

With the case against him still unresolved, Crockett goes on vacation.  He doesn’t tell anyone where he’s going, which is a bit unfortunate as he ends up being taken hostage in the Bayous by a group of cartoonishly evil escaped convicts.  (Pruitt Taylor Vince plays one of the hostage-takers but is fairly forgettable.  A young Melissa Leo appears as a fellow hostage and shows none of the grit that made her so memorable as Sgt. Kay Howard on Homicide.)  Somehow, Tubbs still shows up at the last moment and, looking resplendent in a white suit, he shoots the final convict before the latter shoots Crockett.  Crockett doesn’t even ask Tubbs how he knew where Crockett was.  (If Tubbs had been following Crockett the entire time, why would he have allowed Crockett to have been taken hostage to begin with?)  This episode might as well have been called Dues Ex Tubbs.

Watching this episode, it occurred to me that, as a character, Crockett really doesn’t have anywhere left to go.  By having him turn into Burnett and become one of Miami’s most powerful drug dealers, the show pretty much pushed the character as far as possible.  It’s impossible for Crockett to come back from that and it’s equally impossible to watch an episode like this one and not wonder why Crockett wasn’t in prison.  He’s suspected of committing four murders.  He was witnessed shooting a cop.  He attempted to kill his own partner, twice.  The episode begins with several high-ranking cops saying that they don’t buy Crockett’s excuse that he had amnesia.  And yet, Crockett is allowed to leave Miami while the department tries to figure out what to do with him.

Really, the whole idea that Crockett — a minor celebrity due to his college football career — could maintain his Burnett cover for five seasons was already pretty hard to believe.  Crockett and Tubbs’s cover got blown in nearly every episode during the first three seasons.  Having Sonny “Burnett” marry a world-famous singer without anyone noting that Burnett looked just like Crockett was probably this show’s true shark jumping moment.  Once that happened, it became increasingly difficult to take Miami Vice seriously.  The whole arc of Sonny thinking he was Burnett was fun to watch and Don Johnson gave a good performance as a conflicted bad guy but it’s also left the show with nowhere to go.  With this episode, Crockett has been reduced to being taken hostage by a group of backwoods yokels and waiting for Tubbs to materialize from out of nowhere.

In short, it’s time for Sonny to move on.  And seeing as how this is the final season …. well, we’ll see what happens!